Dugard is probably the most upsetting possible subject for a headlines-to-bedroom transformation, especially since Shane Ryan, who wants to make the film, is also responsible for one titled Amateur Porn Star Killer. He makes the ridiculous statement that, "We're trying to figure out a way to do that so it's not exploitative." A spokesman for the Dugard family called the proposal "exploitative, hurtful and breathtakingly unkind," which sounds about right. But Ryan's idea, though gross, isn't unique.

Donald Trump, who both championed Carrie Prejean's tenure as Miss California and called her racy photographs "lovely," now says, "Maybe, she should become a major porn star, make millions of dollars, and give it to worthy causes." While his suggestion that she give her profits to charity is sort of touching — maybe she could choose Lambda Legal — it's still annoying that he assumes a porn career is the logical next step after making a private sex video. Of course, even those without sex tapes in their past are vulnerable to porn suggestions and unauthorized depictions. Octomom Nadya Suleman was offered $1 million to star in a porn movie, and who can forget Who's Nailin' Paylin?

There wouldn't be anything wrong with Prejean or Suleman choosing to do porn on their own but it's a little depressing that when a woman inadvertently becomes famous — even if her fame comes from a horrific multi-year imprisonment — others move so quickly to turn her into jackoff fodder. Probably when it comes to porn the, um, heart wants what it wants, and maybe the demand for adult films starring or depicting famous women will always be strong enough to keep people like Shane Ryan afloat. Still, there's an element of institutionalized sexism in the idea that women who become well-known — and who meet a certain standard of conventional attractiveness — must also become objects of mass sexual fantasy. Of course, Carrie Prejean and Nadya Suleman have sought the media spotlight, directly or indirectly, but Jaycee Dugard never did, and the fact that someone is even considering pornifying her story hints that there might be something screwed up about what Americans find hot.

Report: Adult Filmmaker Plans Jaycee Dugard Movie [Silicon Valley Mercury News]
Carrie On, Then [New York Post]
Dugard Spokeswoman Blasts Plans For Film On Case [AP]

Earlier: Dugard Family Responds To Film Proposal • Runners World Didn't OK Use Of Palin Picture

Okay, that's an exaggeration. But she figured prominently in two of the magazine's feature stories: the much-discussed cover profile of Megan Fox and the story on OctoMom Nadya Suleman. In neither case was this a coincidence; both women have been compared physically to Jolie and for a while, the tabs suggested that Suleman enjoyed a "fixation" on the large-brooded, pillow-lipped star.

The Fox piece devotes much ink to how much the starlet is like, or unlike, Jolie. The "striking" physical resemblance;" the willingness to fill Angie's "wild-child" shoes when she turned Madonna.

If there's an Angelina playbook, Fox followed it. She has seven or eight tattoos, depending on whom you ask, including a reference to "King Lear" ("We will all laugh at gilded butterflies") in gothic calligraphy on her upper back that stylistically mirrors a tattoo on Jolie's upper back. Like Jolie, Fox told journalists that she was bisexual, that the actress Olivia Wilde was "so sexy she makes me want to strangle a mountain ox with my bare hands." Fox emphasized the outrageous, especially in her first big cover article for GQ, in which she embroidered her love affair with the stripper Nikita, defined herself as a man in a sexy woman's body and announced her thoughts on Angelina. "I don't even consider her human," she said. "She's like a superhuman goddess...The Jolie comparison would probably have been made by the media eventually, but Fox sped up the process. By linking herself to Jolie, she sped up every process. And when Jolie became a mom and a good-will ambassador, Fox was ready to step into her shoes. It was an easy fit. Fox enjoyed creating entertaining copy. If she invented or amped up the scenarios, she could (theoretically) manage her image. And, like Jolie before her, she told entertaining tales of darkness and lust. "When I sit down to talk to men's magazines, there's a certain character that I play," she explained. "She's not fully fleshed out - she doesn't have her own name - but she shows up to do men's-magazine interviews. There's something so ridiculous about always being in your underwear in those magazines, and you know the interview is going to run opposite those pictures. So, there's a character that talks to all of them."

Fox calls the comparisons "the bane of my existence," and says she has more humor than the "stoic" Jolie. Similarly, Suleman, who has reportedly also pursued the likeness, "said she saw no resemblance whatsoever." Of course, these are two women who, arguably, are in the business of being famous - or at least, finding themselves in this position, have ridden the wave. One's a sex symbol, one's an embattled tabloid curiosity, but both have become public domain and have become, in the popular imagination, handy metaphors for facets of our collective desires and ethos. Angelina, of course, long since ceased to exist as a real person and became an icon. And it seems we don't even need the shorthand of Madonna/Whore any longer - just refer to different facets, or eras, of Angelina. She's a handy mirror to hold up. She's perfection, I guess - and everybody's just running towards and away from that.

The Octomom and Her Babies Prepare for Prime Time [NY Times Magazine]
The Self-Manufacture of Megan Fox [NY Times Magazine]

Related: Megan Fox's Minders Are Worried Women Don't Like Her
"Like Something From A Greek Tragedy": Nadya Suleman At Home

• Could Michael Lohan go to jail for the phone calls he's been leaking?

Apparently Dina Lohan has had a protective order since 2005 — and it bans Michael Lohan from communicating with Dina by email or phone through 2011. One of the calls is supposedly from 2008, meaning Michael definitely violated the order. [TMZ]

• A "source" on Nicole Kidman's face at the Country Music Awards: "She looked freakish; She just had her lips done, and now she looks like Meg Ryan." [Page Six]
• Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are dating! Director Catherine Hardwicke says so! But she says: "It didn't happen on the first movie. Nothing crossed the line while on the first film," since KStew was 18. Now that she's 19, it's on! TWILIGHT IS REAL ZOMG SPARKLEVAMP 4EVA BITE ME. [Us]
• Because he is awesome, Johnny Depp has offered to take care of Nicolas Cage's debts. Apparently Johnny was a struggling musician when he met Nic in the '80s, and Nic sent Johnny to his agent, who cast Johnny in Nightmare On Elm Street. [Daily Express]
• Levi Johnston had his Playgirl shoot yesterday, which involved a hockey stick and, naturally, nudity. Levi's manager Tank Jones says: "The shoot was fantastic! People are going to see more of Levi than they thought." Grrrreat. There's another shoot today; may we suggest a moose-skin rug? Or an igloo? [Us]
• Levi Johnston says he sees his upcoming memoir becoming a movie. "I would play myself," he says, naturally. [Gatecrasher]
• As previously mentioned, Chris Brown went to a Footaction store on Wednesday, and was heckled. A woman shouted, "I hope someone beats the fucking shit out of you!" Today Chris will be on Wendy Williams saying he's been "perceived wrong" and I'm definitely remorseful, and it's not something that I take lightly or think that it's, like, under the rug." [Page Six]
• Before the Country Music Awards, Wynonna Judd said Taylor Swift's nomination for Entertainer Of The Year was "too much too soon… I want kids to earn it." But now she says: "My intent was not to take anything from her talent and contributions to the country music industry… Taylor is a beautiful, hard working young woman that deserves the success she has had and I support her as an artist and as a woman in the business." Sure, sure. [Us Magazine]
• Lily Allen has hurt her foot after falling while carrying a suitcase down a flight of stairs. [The Sun]
• DVR alert: Kathy Griffin will be on Law & Order SVU. [TV Guide]
• Balloon Dad Richard Heene turned himself in yesterday and was released on a $5000 bond. [ET]
• Richard Heene will plead guilty to felony charges, his lawyer claims. Mayumi Heene will plead guilty to false reporting to authorities — a misdemeanor. Is there a law against making everyone worry? [NY Post]
• Amy Winehouse is working with a Miami-based producer on her third record, but her visa issues keep her from traveling. [The Sun]
• If you would like to see a mug shot of Cindy Crawford's alleged blackmailer, click the link. He's a former model who took a photograph he found in Cindy's nanny's room, and the pic shows Cindy's daughter bound and gagged for a "prank." [TMZ]
• Nadya Suleman would like for you to know that she is a competent mother. [Us]
• Some guy is auctioning off Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley's marriage certificate from when they tied the knot in the Dominican Republic in 1994. The names Jackson + Presley = ca$h. [Perez]
• 20-year-old Daniel Radcliffe smoked pot and a party and it is "news." [Mirror]
• Geena Davis has gained weight and it is "news." [NY Daily News]
• Whoa — Emmy Rossum met Adam Duritz via Twitter? [People]
• BREAKING: Vivica A. Fox and 50 Cent are no longer pissed at each other. [Page Six]
• Rumors abounded but now it's official: Rebecca Gayheart and Eric Dane are expecting their first child. [Gatecrasher]
• In this video, David Beckham talks about playing with the LA Galaxy today, which means missing an England vs. Brazil game. [Guardian]
• Lil' Kim is being sued for $20,000 by British club promoters who claim she accepted money but then did not appear at an event, saying she had a nosebleed. No, really. [NY Post]
• Aerosmith's management reportedly asked Steven Tyler to perform in a wheelchair. "I just wouldn't do it," Tyler told Rolling Stone. Not even if you were contractually obligated to do the gig and hurt yourself acting crazy on stage? Hmm. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Tori Amos' fantasy band would have Janis Joplin on vocals, Stevie Ray Vaughn on guitar, Bootsy Collins on bass and Zeppelin's John Bonham on drums. [Independent]
• In "10 Questions For Tony Hawk," the skateboarder says: "I don't want to name names. I'm just saying many Olympic sports require less physical effort and less talent than skateboarding." [Time]
• Chris Mann wrote the Three's Company tell-all book Come and Knock on Our Door, and served as consulting producer on NBC's behind-the-scenes movie about Company. On his blog, he writes that before John Ritter died, he was asked about Suzanne Somers' supposed breast cancer, and Ritter said: "We don't know if Suzanne has cancer or not, because she lies." [Retroality.tv]
• Jon & Kate is being replaced by Cake Boss, a show that seems super scripted but still pretty funny. And unlike those weird "challenge" cake shows, the cakes actually look edible and delicious. [NY Post]
• Zsa Zsa Gabor has tax problems. Will she have to move to the country and live on a farm with a pig named Arnold? Oh wait. That was Eva. Anyway, Bernard Madoff is to blame for this. [TMZ]
• Saturday Night Live Christmas 2009 airs December 19, and will feature the best holiday sketches from the show's 35-year history. [NY Post]
• TMZ lifted images from Radar Online. [Page Six]
• The Coen brothers are remaking True Grit, with Josh Brolin instead of John Wayne. [NY Daily News]
• "Look, I really am the last British actor who's not in any of the Harry Potter films. I was looking for something I could do that would make me cool in the eyes of my daughter." — Michael Sheen, of Frost/Nixon and, more importantly, New Moon. He also says: "I had to say to my daughter, 'I heard someone talking about this character Aro in these books. Do you know anything about that?' And she said, 'Yes, he's the leader of the Volturi and he reads people's minds. Are you playing him?' Of course I said, 'no, no, no'. When it was all worked out, she cried. Then she hit me." [Independent]
• It feels weird to do interviews because I don't understand why anyone wants to talk to me. There were all these other guys in high school that were bigger, funnier, and more handsome than I was, so why do you care about what I have to say? You should ask them." — Jason Schwartzman. [Advocate]
• "I'm not aware of any fans. I do nothing to live in secrecy, but I really don't get recognized anywhere. Though I was walking my dog recently when someone yelled, 'Hey, Jason!' They said it so sweetly that I turned around and said, 'Hey!' Then they said, 'Fuck you, you asshole!' and drove away." — Jason Schwartzman. [Advocate]
• "I had friends growing up, but I struggled to feel like I really fit in. If I was invited to a party, I would just end up sitting on a couch or standing in a corner by myself. But it wasn't like I was getting beat up or anything. I wish I had gotten beaten up, because at least that would've justified why I felt so homesick all the time, even though I was home." — Jason Schwartzman. [Advocate]
• "Susan Boyle is a lovely gracious woman, and I took advantage of that by poking fun at her." — Sharon Osboune, who, a week ago, said SuBo looked like she'd been hit by a "fucking ugly stick." [NY Post]
• We were disappointed, but we understand. He's only 1. But we were in Alaska and have plenty of footage of Trig." — Barbara Walters wanted to have Sarah Palin's grandson Trig in the studio, but he has a cold and couldn't make it. [Page Six]
• "It's disgusting that people would say those things. My sister has an incredible body. I feel sorry for anyone who would judge her, because she's one sexy lady. There's gonna be a time when I'm way curvier, and that'll be sexy, too." — Ashlee Simpson is tired of people calling Jessica Simpson fat. Ashlee also says her husband loves her body:"Pete isn't worried about stretch marks," she says. "He always makes me feel good." [Gatecrasher]
• "I have half-a-dozen close friends and Mariah is among the dearest. I flatter myself that the relationship is reciprocal: Mariah and I share a strong, sisterly friendship. She signs off all her letters to me with the affectionate endearment: 'Your sis, M.' Though she is stupendously rich and I am relatively poor, it is a friendship of equals. She visits me in my small home; I am a frequent guest at her various mansions and holiday villas all over the world." — from a piece written by a former MTV host who stayed friends with Mariah Carey after meeting her through work. [Daily Mail]
• "There are so many young girls wearing too much makeup, too much hairspray — I find that very dated." — Victoria Beckham. [Gatecrasher via Harper's Bazaar UK]

The piece is about, not just "the Octomom" but about The Octomom Interacting with the Media - which is sort of meta, but given that Suleman is currently being filmed for a British documentary, and presumably is usually involved in some such enterprise, maybe inevitable. And the piece involves a lot of chaos, and a lot of confusion, because, after all, that's what the Octomom is all about, isn't it? Schadenfreude. We like to gawk at the Duggars and stare in wonder at their preternatural organization. And we want to marvel at the Octomom's squalor. No one wants her kids to suffer, but in some way, the coverage always somehow suggests, her reckless choices must be punished. Such unusual conduct must be borne out by external proof of madness, surely. Indeed, while the profile's carefully impartial, we get the squalor and the hint of the mercenary one expects from any Octomom coverage.

Given the toys, the staff, the overwhelming kidcentricness of it all, the home feels less like a home and more like an event, a day-care center, a film set. And that's exactly what it is much of the time.

And later, describing an attempt at a posed group photo:

By the time Suleman was lying on the ground with her babies, first three and then all eight octuplets were bawling at full tilt. They began to writhe around, clutching the air in their hands, eventually finding their mother's incredibly thick hair and getting stuck there. Suleman tried more than gamely to remain calm and to keep her photo face together, but she began to panic when she realized she couldn't even rise to her feet for fear of dragging her children into the air. She half-rose to look at her disheveled self. "Did my boobs fall out again?" She took a deep breath....The nannies were looking around and sort of shaking their heads. Aidan, the autistic child, came along and pulled his mother's hair. She shouted, "This is ridiculous!" ...It was like something from a Greek tragedy, or at least something horrible, traumatic and if not antiwoman then campily celebratory of femininity gone awry, along the lines of "Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?" or perhaps more aptly, "Aliens."

The piece reinforces this idea of Suleman as tragically deluded heroine by presenting a series of oddly self-justifying sound-bytes.

On allegedly exploiting her kids: "It's a Catch-22...I'm damned if I do what I need to do with the media to support my kids, and I'm damned if I don't. If I don't, I can't take care of them."

On working:

"People are like, ‘Oh, why don't you go to work?'...O.K., think about the reality of that situation: I leave, I go to work, I'm away from them all day, I make - how much? $15,000 a year? O.K., I need that at least every two months. So, how on earth is that going to work? That's absurd. You live in my life one day and you'll see, you'll realize: it's ludicrous."

On why she had all these kids:

"You don't understand...If you have these frozen embryos that are there, and they were writing you letters saying, We are charging you this much, and it's going up and up and up every month that they are stored - you can either use them or destroy them. You're like, O.K., I have six already. What's another? And maybe it won't even work. So, I just decided to take the chance because I didn't want to destroy the embryos. That was the main focus - not like: ‘Oh, gosh! I really want eight!' People were thinking, ‘Oh, she wanted so, so many.' No!"

This - along with her assertion that she hasn't had plastic surgery - is uncomfortable. People's reactions to Suleman have always been either pity or anger or chagrin (or, in Paris Hilton's case, the sublimely simple "she has too many kids") and this piece doesn't challenge that; it's still voyeuristic, and we're all complicit. We can dress it up in terms of Social Allegory and Larger Meaning, but it doesn't mean we're not gawking. Later, we see Suleiman telling her daughters a version of "Cinderella" in which, at the end

"Then they lived together for five years, they went to college together, and then they went to medical school...They learned about each other, they grew together, they fell in love instead of living happily ever after. They decided to get married and continued growing together as an obstetrician and a gynecologist. Nobody lives happily ever after, because that is extremely unrealistic.

It's hard to know if the scene's typical or for the benefit of the cameras and reporters - it does seem funny that the children notice the variations, and object to it (as kids will to any change in routine), which suggests this isn't the standard version - but the impression one gets is that it's an odd time to start being pragmatic. Or maybe, having cast her as a doomed figure, the writer needs to square the circle, let us know that, in the tradition of others who've reached too high, she's not going to have it easy.

Octomom In Production [NY Times Magazine]

• Is Sean Penn the unofficial liaison between Barack Obama and Hugo Chavez? Penn visited Chavez in Caracas on Wednesday and apparently the Venezuelan president told him:

"They gave [Obama] the Nobel Prize — very well, now he should earn it." [Page Six]

• Britney Spears is using Twitter, Twitpic and Twitvid to promote her new single, "3" — there's a micro snippet of the video at the link. [LA Times]
• Ashton Kutcher's best friend is a rabbi named Yehuda Berg from the Kabbalah center. [People]
• Who will host the Oscars in 2010? Hugh Jackman has turned the job down. These are random choices, but I'd love to see Amy Poehler or Wanda Sykes. Or both. [Variety]
• Nanny Stephanie Santoro says that Jon Gosselin was suicidal at the thought of Hailey Glassman breaking up with him: "He said he was going to kill himself… He said he was going to end it all … he couldn't handle it anymore." Breakdown in 3…2… [Radar Online]
• Jon Gosselin plans to publicly apologize "in a sacred space to those whom I have hurt" at the West Side Synagogue in NYC on Sunday. [Page Six]
• Meanwhile, word is that Jon Gosselin/Nadya Suleman show is "definitely on." A source says:"Both Jon and Nadya are each looking at bringing in close to $1 million for doing it." [Gatecrasher]
• Did you see Derek Jeter kiss Michelle Obama the other night? [NY Post]
• Another day, another Michael Jackson money problem. This time it's Leonard Rowe, who says he was MJ's manager of the singer. He's filed a creditors claim for $51,218. [TMZ]
• Wow, John Landis — who directed the "Thriller" video — says Michael Jackson's estate owes him for $400,000; a production company which dealt with the "Thriller" video says it's owed more than $1,000,000; and the producer of the "Thriller" video wants more than a million as well. [TMZ]
• By the by, the Michael Jackson movie will be up for Academy Award consideration. [Mirror]
• Joe Jackson says Michael Jackson is "worth more dead than when he was alive." [NY Post]
• Taylor Squared: Going strong. [Page Six]
• Wait, what? Ne-Yo sings on The Princess And The Frog soundtrack? How very Jazz Age New Orleans. [ONTD]
• Amanda Peet was burglarized by a sassy character. [Page Six]
• Heroes is winding down; low ratings has NBC thinking a "final chapter" is the next way to go. [NY Post]
• Charlize Theron will star in Mad Max: Fury Road. That's right, a new Mad Max flick! No word on whether Mel Gibson is involved, but Brit cutie Tom Hardy is in the flick. [Variety]
• Reese Witherspoon will star in and produce a screenplay called Rule #1 — about a New York woman who befriends a Puerto Rican girl with attention deficit disorder. [The Hollywood Reporter]
• What the world needs now: Men In Black 3. [Reuters]
• David Spade got $200,000 for that Tommy Boy DirecTV commercial with the late Chris Farley. [Page Six]
• Sad face: Dennis Hopper has prostate cancer. He's canceling all travel plans to focus on treatment and is in a "special program" at USC. Be well! [AP]
• Jackie Collins listens to Mariah Carey, John Mayer… and Jay-Z. [Independent]
• "Whenever I'm in the recording studio or rehearsing and I'm not convinced about the way it sounds, I know because my body doesn't react to the music. So I always ask, Hey, am I moving? Are my hips moving? My hips don't lie." — One of 10 answers to 10 questions for Shakira. [Time]
• "I know it gets sensationalized when I say, 'I was very close to death', but I was. It was a scary time. It's scarier since people like Michael Jackson and Heath Ledger have been popping their clogs. pretty much thought 'Is this worth it?' It was obviously not making me happy. The definition of insanity is repeating the same things and expecting a different result. At the time I thought, with the kicking and the rehab, maybe there's other things in life?" — Robbie Williams. [News.com.au]
• "I haven't gone back since because I'm afraid… I'd never get sober for one thing, and to have to run around in a dress. . . it's cold up there!" — Mel Gibson on why he hasn't returned to Scotland since Braveheart. [Daily Mail]
• "When I did my first album, I was marketed as the singer who would appeal to your grandma. But as each record arrived with more power and confidence, I began to sound younger and younger. Some singers start out as young punks and then make a classics album later in their career. With me, it has been the other way round. I feel as if I've finally started acting my own age. I'm the Benjamin Button of pop. It offends me when people think I only listen to Frank Sinatra. I was born in 1975 and I never wanted to be part of the Rat Pack. As a kid, my biggest idol was Michael Jackson. As a teenager, I wanted to be one of the Beastie Boys." — MIchael Bublé. [Daily Mail]
• "I always felt like the male from the time I was a child. There wasn't much feminine about me. I believe that gender is something between your ears, not between your legs. That is something I discovered in the early '90s. It was just a long process of being comfortable enough to do something about it." — Chaz Bono loves being a man. [People]
• "I was tempted to do it. But I couldn't take it. One smoke of pot and I fall asleep. I don't get much out of it. But that's beside the point. My kids were saying, 'Daddy, you have to try!' That's when I shut down. These were mushrooms ... I said, 'Listen, I didn't go through a sex change operation to direct all these women's movies so don't get me started.'" — Ang Lee wouldn't take acid to direct an LSD scene. [Independent]
• "I just drank an iced tea here with lunch. If next year they say iced tea is worse than steroids, I'll probably quit drinking that too. But at the time it was legal, just like drinking an iced tea is legal. The baseball players, the football players, the hockey players - everybody I knew in every professional sport was using it to up their game, or to heal injuries, or to stay at their peak. And everybody thought it was safe." — Hulk Hogan talks about steroid use in his new book. [Time]
• "I hate them!" — Paris Hilton on the Teen Thieves, who stole clothes and jewelry from her home. [Page Six]
• "I have lots of original ideas that maybe will get made. But everyone... Even if you bring them the most obscure movie that nobody's ever heard of — they want to remake that." — Rob Zombie, who reworked Halloween and Halloween 2 and may remake The Blob, calls Hollywood a "scared town." [CNN]
• "America's the only country where people have said that the New Zealand accent sounds posh or sexy or exotic. Anywhere else, it doesn't. That's why I've been spending a lot of time here." — Flight Of The Conchords' Jemaine Clement. [NY Post]
• "As the mother of my kids, I won't slam Dina personally. But she has expressed to me that Lindsay is in dire, dire need of an intervention. And Lindsay needs to see that her mother is either lying to me or lying to her. Dina says positive things about Samantha when she's talking to Lindsay, but then when Dina talks to me, she blames Lindsay's downfall on the Ronsons. If Dina and her cohorts want to continue lying, I could [keep exposing her] for a year - on so many different subjects. My lawyers told me to keep every single conversation - and I did." — Michael Lohan is taking voicemail tapes to Entertainment Tonight. [Perez]
• "If I go back to my black neighborhood, they'll rob the [bleep] out of me." — Tracy Morgan, promoting his memoir, I Am the New Black, at Barnes & Noble. [Page Six]
• "I always felt that I wanted to help women, period. As a child I [saw] women really, really suffer terrible, terrible situations, and I vowed as a child to want to do something — anything — that can help them have better self-esteem so that they don't have to be subjected to men that wanted to kill them. In my music, that's what I've been doing in my career, and now through FFAWN I'm doing that. I guess what got me through when I was young was something I guess a lot of people don't have and that was just the will. ... I don't know what was driving me. I guess it was something in me did want to die — you know, I guess my spirit didn't want to die, but my physical body definitely was at some point was like I gotta get out of here. ... My physical body was contemplating suicide and all this other crazy stuff, and my spirit is what saved me, I believe." — Mary J. Blige, at the official ribbon-cutting for the Mary J. Blige Center for Women, which was made possible through Blige's Foundation for the Advancement of Women Now (FFAWN), design house Gucci and Westchester Jewish Community Services. [CNN]

• Jon Gosselin has been doing some soul searching (or hired a better publicist). Today, he publicly apologized to Hailey Glassman and insisted there's no Nadya Suleman-Jon Gosselin reality show, though his recent behavior "lent credence to such outrageous stories."

• Gosselin responded to Hailey Glassman sobbing about his emotionally abusive "mantrums" on The Insider, saying Hailey, "has paid a significant price to live under such a media microscope. I am grateful for her emotional support and I regret any pain that my actions have caused her as she has selflessly born the pressures I have endured under the media glare. I am committed to making things right with Hailey as well as Kate and especially my children. I ask you to please give me the opportunity to prove myself." [The Insider]
• In Jon Gosselin's second mea culpa of the day, he said he's "troubled to learn that the media has accepted as true the scurrilous rumor that I would appear in a reality television program with Nadya Suleman" but he understands why the rumors are plausible. "I am well aware that my behavior over the past few months has not always reflected my personal and religious values," he says. "I further accept that I have allowed myself to become somewhat severed from my own moral anchor and be carried away by the challenges of fame. It is for this reason that I have endeavored of late to reconnect with my deeper, more spiritual, more altruistic self with regular study sessions and counseling." [E!]
• Nadya Suleman says the reality show, "was a joke. No offense to Jon Gosselin but I'm all about my kids right now. I don't have time for a man in my life. As far as the reality show goes, I can't speak for Jon but as far as I know presently there are no definitive plans for a TV show." [Radar Online]
• TLC is grooming the Hayes family of Table for 12 to replace the Gosselins. The Hayes already have them beat because they have sextuplets and two sets of twins. [N.Y. Post]
• While Madonna was visiting the Malawi orphanage where she adopted her son David, one of the children reportedly told her, "You are our God. Where could we have been without you?" An onlooker said Madonna looked bemused by the comment but "seemed cool with it." [The Sun]
• Department of Justice Investigator Danny Santiago testified today that Anna Nicole Smith's former nanny, Nadine Alexie, told him she saw Howard K. Stern and Dr. Khristine Eroshevich force drugs on Anna Nicole. She would be knocked out for days and wake up with feces and vomit in her bed. [TMZ]
• Taylor Swift was photographed with a guy who had a swastika painted on his shirt as part of the fabric paint shenanigans at Katy Perry's birthday party last weekend. The dude in question, A.J. English, says Swift may not have realized what he had on his shirt when he pulled her in for a photo. He adds that the symbol on his shirt started out as a "X" but got "perverted," and he's not a racist or a Nazi sympathizer. [TMZ]
• Lady Gaga is planning to celebrate her father's successful open-heart surgery by getting a tattoo. "I'm gonna get a tattoo for him this week; I'm gonna get a heart that says 'Dad' in it," she says. "I told him I was gonna get it and he got all teary-eyed and he said, 'Well, you're running out of real estate, so don't get it too big.'" [Contact Music]
• Lady Gaga is including a lock of her hair in every super deluxe box set of The Fame. [The Mirror]
• Italian performance artist Francesco Vezzoli is creating a production called Ballets Russes Italian Style (The Shortest Musical You Will Never See Again) starring Lady Gaga and dancers from the Bolshoi Ballet for a November 14 performance at the Museum of Contemporary Art in L.A. [N.Y.T.]
• Slumdog Millionaire stars Azharuddin Mohammed Ismail and Rubina Ali may lose their monthly stipend and trust fund because they are both have less than a 37% attendance rate at school. [USA Today]
• Another man has been arrested near Miley Cyrus' Georgia movie set. 22-year-old soldier Sean Christian Mathis allegedly came by the set in June and yelled at Miley's stunt double, "Hey, it's Miley Cyrus, I'm going to fucking kill you." [TMZ]
• Literature professor August Coppola, Nicolas Cage's father and Francis Ford Coppola's brother, died on Tuesday of a heart attack. He was 75. [AP]
• Evi Quaid showed up to a town hall meeting in Marfa, Texas last night and allegedly vandalized the building and screamed at one of the clerks. She was upset because she and Randy Quaid are renovating their home but don't have the necessary permits. [Radar Online]
• Randy and Evi Quaid failed to show up for a court date in California again today; extradition papers are now being prepared and the couple will be arrested if they show up in California. [Radar Online]
• A judge ruled today not to punish Picewell Forbes for causing the John Travolta extortion trial to result in a mistrial because he's been, "rightly ridiculed locally and internationally ... It is my opinion that you have suffered enough." [TMZ]
• Several people whose lawsuits against Sacha Baron Cohen and 20th Century Fox over Borat were thrown out have banded together for a single appeal. They say they were tricked into signing a release form for the film and want their case to be heard by a jury. [Daily Express]
• Mary-Kate Olsen's rep insists her boyfriend Nate Lowman didn't propose to her in Paris. "Even though this information continues to be reported as 'fact,' the stories regarding Mary-Kate being engaged are not in any way accurate," says her rep. [People]
• Jessica Simpson says of traveling for The Price of Beauty, "I couldn't have had this journey at a better time in my life, to seek out beauty, to seek out confidence and to seek out the power of a woman... It really is about who I am and what I want to become, and what's going to make the best version of myself." [People]
• "Listen, I know I'm not easy to deal with. I'm controlling, and I want everything orderly, and I need lists. My mind goes a mile a minute. I'm difficult on every single level. I'm aware that I can be annoying." — Sandra Bullock [Parade]
• Possible Lost spoilers: Executive producer Damon Lindelof says, "The decision to kill Juliet was absolutely brutal... [Carlton Cuse and I] have to really love you to give you a finale death." [N.Y. Magazine]
• Robbie Williams has pulled out of the MTV European Music Awards next week due to "scheduling conflicts." [3 am]
• In an interview that airs today on Entertainment Tonight Chaz Bono talks about his transition from being a woman to a man saying, "I always felt male ever since I was a child." [ET]
• In her first interview since being attacked at a book signing Leona Lewis said, "It could have been worse. I'm still alive. It is just something you have to deal with when you have fame and the positives far outweigh the negatives." [The Sun]
• BREAKING: Paris Hilton hates the people who robbed her house. [TMZ]
• America's Next Top Model contestant Brittany says she had no problem with Tyra Banks' "biracial" photo shoot. "I think this is one of the best shoots of the cycle. Fashion, hair, wardrobe, makeup. Everything was incredible," she says. "She was going for something that was unique and fashiony and editorial. And it was at the same time appreciating history and culture... For Hawaii, she brought up the idea of the cane-sugar factory, where tons of people immigrated from all over the place. So it's just more celebrating the biracial lines that came from this...the lineage of Hawaii." [E!]
• Calista Flockhart says she never thought the dancing baby on Ally McBeal was ridiculous. "Honestly, I was quite intrigued by it," she says. "I thought it was smart! Obviously, it was symbolic of Ally's biological clock ticking away, and I thought, what a great way to do that. I loved the fantasy sequences; I loved that we got to see her imagination come to life." [Newsweek]
• Reese Witherspoon says that, for her new Avon fragrance Bloom, "I just wanted a scent memory of my childhood in Tennessee growing up. A lot of it is white flowers and gardenias and things that I grew up in the backyard loving. Things that I smelled on my mother and my grandmother that really inspired a feeling of being back home." [People]
• Sting joked that Barack Obama may be the divine answer to the world's problems. "In many ways, he's sent from God," he said, "because the world's a mess." Someone alert Madonna that the U.S. President has stolen her thunder! [AP]
• Sting wants to stop global warming because it may be making the winter shorter. He says: "I think the winter for the psychology of people who have lived in the northern hemisphere for thousands and thousands of years is incredibly important. We need this psychological time to recharge our batteries, to rethink, to reflect. Without that I think we would probably go crazy. We need the winter, so I worry greatly about global warming. We need to do something radical to stop it." [CNN]
• Mo'Nique says she was able to play an abusive character in Precious because, "I knew Mary Jones. [The family member] was a monster to me as a child. I was excited to play that role, if that makes sense, for that story to be told. So maybe a young lady, or a young man, won't go through life having to carry it around as if you have this great secret." [WSJ]

• Ready for a mega-eyeroll? A "fan" is threatening to kill her cat, Fuzzy, and eat the animal unless Miley Cyrus reopens her Twitter account. The girl says:

"This is NOT a prank or a hoax. I am not joking, even if some will choose to interpret it that way. Cooking a cat is not illegal in my country, in fact it's part of our culture. I'm not asking for money or any other benefit. Fuzzy is my cat and I will not entertain any offers of selling or giving him away. If Miley doesn't tweet again, this WILL happen, and I'm as serious as a heart attack." [ONTD via Ocean Up]

• By the by, the 53-year-old man arrested for stalking Miley will not face felony charges. [TMZ]
• The Teen Thieves — who allegedly broke into the homes of Lindsay Lohan, Orlando Bloom, Audrina Patridge and others — were possibly going to target Mariah Carey and Rihanna next. TMZ calls them the Hollywood Hills Burglar Bunch™. [TMZ]
• The L.A Times calls the Teen Thieves the "Bling Ring," since the kids were after jewelry. [LA Times]
• A seized computer used by one of the Teen Thieves had pictures of Lindsay and Sam shopping for Rolex watches downloaded on it. And! There was a picture on the computer of someone wearing a blue Rolex, possibly after the burglary. It's like they used gossip sites to "shop" for what they wanted to steal. ALLEGEDLY. [TMZ, TMZ]
• Add Britney Spears, Jessica Biel, Hayden Panettiere, Bette Midler (?!?), Shania Twain (?!?!) and Goldie Hawn (?!?!) to the list of celebs whose photos the Hollywood Hills Burglar Bunch had on their computer. [TMZ]
• Britney Spears has been wearing some "chunky bling" on that finger, so naturally, she's engaged. [The Sun]
• Michael Lohan can't stop talking about Lindsay: "Dina is saying that I'm lying - that Lindsay doesn't have a problem and that she's okay… But I have proof that Dina has told me Lindsay is on death's doorstep, that she doesn't have much time left. There have been frantic calls. And I'm going to prove that Dina is the liar, not me." Good grief, man. Aren't some things private? Apparently not: Michael Lohan will "prove" that Dina is lying by playing numerous voice-mail messages she's left for him — on Monday's Entertainment Tonight. [Gatecrasher]
• I'm sure you'll find this simply shocking, but socialite Tinsley Mortimer's upcoming reality show will be sorta fake. [Page Six]
• Ivanka Trump and Jared Kushner had a Sheva Brachot. [People]
• Anderson Cooper. In an opulent hotel in India. With a four-poster mahogany bed. And a large round bathtub, filled with bubbles and rose petals. [Page Six]
• This new Alice In Wonderland extended trailer is nightmarishly beautiful. Johnny Depp scares me a little. Is this what Tim Burton's dreams look like? [PopWrap]
• It's confirmed: Levi is going "Full Johnson" in Playgirl. I'm cocksure jokes will follow. [TMZ]
• Charlize Theron auctioned off a meeting with Nelson Mandela… without notifying Nelson Mandela. [Page Six]
• If you have $28 million (€19 million), you can buy Castello di Castagneto Po — the castle in the Italian hills where French first lady Carla Bruni-Sarkozy spent her early childhood. The neo-Gothic place is surrounded by 175 acres "replete with vegetable gardens, orchards, flowering terraces, ancient greenhouses, a caretaker's house and a farm building." here is a picture of the humble abode. [Reuters]
• Chris Brown has been hanging out with Natalie Nunn from The Bad Girls Club. In the bio for the show she says she "enjoys cruising in her sugar daddies' expensive cars and painting the town red with her cool celebrity friends." Yup, SO COOL. [TMZ]
• Here's the thing about the reality show starring Jon Gosselin and Nadya Suleman — to be called Jon - Kate = Jon + Octomom (which we mentioned yesterday: Jon's rep says: "This is the first I've even heard of it. This isn't happening." [MSNBC Scoop]
• Meet the Hayes family, whose new show Table For 12, will air next month when Jon & Kate is gone. [NY Post]
• Josh Duhamel denies that he cheated on Fergie with a stripper. His rep says: This is not the first nor will it be the last time that a stripper was paid a large amount of money to sell a false story about a celebrity… This story is absolutely ridiculous." [E!]
• Kevin Federline is in therapy as part of Celebrity Fit Club, and High School Musical star KayCee Stroh, who's also on the show, says: "Kevin's as cool as a cucumber. He keeps it all together. All the rest of us are sobbing like babies, but Kevin is pretty calm and collected." [E!]
• An auction house disclosed that some Michael Jackson memorabilia was previously owned by David Gest; Gest claimed they had no right to use his name and demanded $200,000. So the auction house is suing Gest. [TMZ]
• Some Michael Jackson fans picketed the This Is It premiere Tuesday night, feeling that he was "neglected, used, and emotionally tormented until his last days" and "while this footage was being shot, people around him knew that he looked like he might have died." [Page Six]
• Even though people find the commercial for DirecTV featuring a scene from Tommy Boy — and starring the late Chris Farley and David Spade kind of tasteless, Spade doesn't have a problem with bringing Farley back to life and says: "These commercials are cool. They're well done. They're clever. And that they would include Tommy Boy in that company, I thought was very flattering… Oh, my God if [Farley] was here, I guarantee he'd be stoked that this little movie is included." [People]
• Jessica Biel will star and produce Fucking Engaged, a "raunchy comedy" from "rookie screenwriter" Julia Brownell. The pitch: A couple makes a pact to have sex every day leading to their wedding so they don't turn into their crusty old parents. Kudos to Brownell for selling her first script! I don't know her but she went to my screenwriting school. [The Hollywood Reporter]
• Anne Heche will be in two comedy flicks — one of which is the Will Ferrell/Mark Wahlberg movie The Other Guys. [Variety]
• Has one of Anna Nicole Smith's former doctors been hiding some key medical records? [TMZ]
• So there was a Curb Your Enthusiasm episode that offended Catholics. What else is new? [E!]
• Donald Trump's crew has started work on a new golf resort in Scotland — despite opposition from many, including Tilda Swinton. [Sydney Morning Herald]
• At the link, Jane Campion explains why she was so moved by the tragic affair between John Keats and Fanny Brawne, the subject of her new film, Bright Star. [Telegraph]
• Mel B. says she's honored by gay men finding her attractive: "I try hard with my body… I don't look like a bloke though!" [Daily Express]
• Real Housewife Kandi Burruss talks about her ex-fiancé's murder at the link. [NY Post]
• ABC had plans to have skywriters spray giant Vs over major cities to promote new TV show V, but have decided it might scare folks. [NY Post]
• Corey Feldman is "deeply hurt" by his wife filing for divorce. [People]
• Some of the pros from Dancing With The Stars will join the cast of Burn The Floor on Broadway next month. [NY Post]
• Q: I cry when I watch...
  A: "Everything! I'm half Irish-I cry at commercials. I recently saw a movie called The Greatest. We watched it at 8 a.m., and I was ruined for the rest of the day. I had a headache from crying." — Tim McGraw. [Readers' Digest]
• "I could do with another boob lift, but no way. I don't want to end up looking like (Jocelyn Wildenstein). She looked freaky." — Courtney Love, after meeting Wildenstein. [MSNBC]
• I spotted her in the crowd and thought she was the most beautiful woman I'd ever laid eyes on, but she came backstage with this good-looking dude and I assumed it was her boyfriend. The other problem was that I don't speak Spanish and she had no English. But the guy did, so I just spoke to him. I was a bit nervous because of how beautiful she was. The more I drank, the more I made things worse. I later found out she was on the phone to her mother the whole time saying, 'Buble's gay. He's hitting on my friend.' She couldn't believe it…" — MIchael Bublé on meeting his new girlfriend. [The Sun]
• "Make sure you have a date night just the two of you together, without the kids." — Hugh Jackman's advice on keeping a family happy. [Mirror]
• "I shave about once a week now. It kind of started to come in just like peach fuzz. I always wanted to shave. It is a very natural process. For my birthday I got a lot of shaving stuff." — Chaz Bono. [People]
• Q: TBS has said your show will be like a street party. What does that mean to you, a street party?
  A: "Probably what it means to TBS is that it's going to be safe and a lot of fun and properly lit. A street party to me means it's dark, it's fun, you stay after the party, and you just try to condense as much fun into that one hour." — George Lopez, possibly one of the only Latinos with a late night talk show. [Reuters]
• "Thank you to those who appreciate and understand that the album cover is deliberately campy. It's an (homage) to the past. It IS ridiculous. For those that don't get it: oh well… Glad to have gotten your attention. Androgyny. Rock n Roll." — Adam "Glambert" Lambert, on his Glamour Shots album cover. [MSNBC]
• "I fear the worst. Look at Elvis, Anna Nicole Smith, Heath Ledger - who was a close friend of hers. It could be a year, a month, a week - who knows?" — Michael Lohan tries to predict when Lindsay is going to die. [MSNBC]

• In an interview with The Insider that airs tomorrow, Hailey Glassman says her boyfriend Jon Gosselin will "take his anger out on me... He has 'mantrums.' I shouldn't have to put up with being emotionally abused."

• "...I cry and say, 'Why are you so mean to me?'" Hailey says people have been criticizing her since she started dating Jon and "I get threats everyday. I get called a home wrecker and a fat whore. People will stare or point. It gets worse everyday." Yet, she still doesn't want to leave him. "I don't want to leave him all alone," she says. "At the end of the day, I love him but I dislike him at times. When I love someone I would never hurt them." There's a tear-filled preview here. [People, The Insider]
• Jon Gosselin's former nanny/lover Stephanie Santoro says she saw Jon smoking pot when the kids were in the house. "He said they were in bed and that he was out back smoking when we got there," says Santoro. "It was just Jon there that night with the kids…[Jon said], ‘That wore off quick – but it was just seeds…My good stuff is in New York." [Perez Hilton]
• On The Ellen DeGeneres Show Ellen asked Kate Gosselin about dating again and she said, "I'm not thinking about it, but the thought has crossed my mind at some point [that] it's going to be scrutinized... Let's not talk about it." [People]
• Jon Gosselin's rep denied In Touch's claim that a Jon Gosselin-Nadya Suleman reality show is in the works, but a rep for the reality show insists, "We've been developing this show for months." He says Jon is only denying it because, "After someone brings it to the media, it just freaks people out, but we're not BS-ing. This is going to end up on a network. We're talking to all four of them...Fox, ABC, NBC and CBS." The source says the show would start off as a one-time special and "We're even talking about scheduling it around the Superbowl. We think it could be that big. We think it could be American Idol-type" big. [E!]
• Katie Couric is dressing as Aaden Gosselin for Halloween. "I met Kate and she seems very nice," Couric said, "and I told her I was gonna be Aaden, and she said, 'You have to make sure you wear the glasses at the end of your nose.'" [Extra]
• Jessica Simpson just can't catch a break. Now PETA is giving her "whale-sized grrrs" for performing at Sea World. [U.S. News]
• Ed Meyer, who is producing a mockumentary called How I Married Jennifer Lopez: The J-lo and and Ojani Noa Story, says he intends to sell home videofootage of Jennifer Lopez and Ojani Noa. [The Wrap]
• The LAPD has handed over the "Hollywood Hills Burglar Bunch" case to the District Attorney, who said he'd file charges against Courtney Ames, Nick Prugo, Diana Tamayo, Roy Lopez Jr. and Alexis Taylor later today. [TMZ]
• Add Megan Fox and Brian Austin Green to the list of celebrities robbed by the "Burglar Bunch." Green's gun and some of Fox's t-shirts were stolen from his home recently, but he didn't realize there had been a break in because he was out of town shooting a movie. [TMZ]
• This Is It has already earned $2.2 million from late-night screenings, which distributor Sony calls "unprecedented" for a Tuesday in October. [AP]
• According to Dr. Arnold Klein's medical records he injected Michael Jackson with an intra-muscular drug labeled "I.M. Injection" 51 times in three months. An L.A. dermatologist says "I.M. Injection" is commonly used as billing code for Demerol. [TMZ]
• A medical board investigator testified today that Dr. Sandeep Kapoor kept a stash of Anna Nicole Smith's medical records hidden in his kitchen and on the floor of a closet at his home. The files had notes like, "opioid dependence on methadone" and "benzo addicted? To avoid" that were not included in her official medical records at his office. [AP]
• The People cover featuring Nicole Richie and her new baby was one of the mag's worst-selling issues. Just over a million magazines were sold, compared to People's usual average of 1.4 million a week. She was reportedly paid in the "mid-six figures" for the photos. [N.Y. Post]
• Bob Barker donated $1 million to Drury University to establish a professorship on animal rights that he hopes will lead to a full undergraduate degree program. [AP]
• Check out Adam Lambert's new album cover here: [Buzzfeed]
• Lisa Kudrow will guest star on Cougar Town as a "mean" dermatologist who treats Courteney Cox's character. [N.Y. Post]
• Kanye West and animator/cartoonist Bill Plympton are releasing a book called Through the Wire: The Words and Lyrics of Kanye West next month, which includes illustrated versions of 14 of Kanye's lyrics along with commentary "that gives insight into the man that we know." [Publishers Weekly]
• Jim Weatherly, the man who wrote "Midnight Train to Georgia," sings the original version. [Extra]
• Abigail Breslin will star as Helen Keller in a Broadway revival of The Miracle Worker with Alison Pill playing Annie Sullivan beginning in February. [N.Y.T.]
• Hayden Christensen and his brother Tove have filed a lawsuit against producer Philippe Martinez, who claimed to have secured $250 million for the production and distribution of independent films. They had entered into an agreement with Martinez to give him first-look rights to film projects from Hayden's Forrest Park Pictures. [The Wrap]
• Stephanie Pratt was formally charged with suspicion of DUI today. She was arrested two weeks ago after two breathalyzer tests registered .08 and .09. If convicted she could face up to six months in jail and a $1,000 fine. [TMZ]
• According to The National Enquirer, Josh Duhamel has been cheating on Fergie. He's having an affair with a "buxom, blonde stripper" named Nicole Forrester who claims their fling started when Josh introduced himself as "JD" and said he was in town making a porno movie. [National Enquirer]
• When asked if she and Taylor Lautner are dating, Taylor Swift said, "I don't know, he's an amazing guy and we're really close … and ah … yep... We're in a movie together and I am really excited about seeing it." [People]
• Denise Jonas says her son Kevin Jonas is marrying "the right girl." She says she's very similar to his fiancée Danielle Deleasa and she teases Kevin, "You're marrying your mother – but she is just thinner and prettier." [People]
• The recession is hitting everyone hard. 50 Cent says, "I buy diamonds on a very regular basis, but now I am selling my old stuff before I get something new. These are times when you learn about the value of money." [The Telegraph]

• Kate Gosselin says her kids have been misbehaving lately and, "I'm trying to give them the grace to see, if they're acting out of line, I'm trying to look deeper into why that is, why the kids are acting out..."

• She continues, "Cause it's all inter-related. I mean, they don't see it, but it's all interconnected." [People]
• This can't be good: Nadya Suleman says, "I kind of have a crush on Jon Gosselin," adding, "I think he's hot!" [Radar Online]
• Michael Kamrava, the fertility doctor who implanted Nadya Suleman with six embryos, has been kicked out of the American Society for Reproductive Medicine. The organization does not have the power to strip him of his medical license. [TMZ]
• Michael Lohan has announced he's going to meet with a judge and ask to put Lindsay Lohan under a conservatorship. A source says, "Lindsay is actively getting a restraining order, her lawyer have already been contacted. She's scared. This is really serious."
  [People]
• Roman Polanski was transferred from prison to a hospital on Friday for medical examinations. He'll remain in the hospital for several days being treated for an undisclosed condition. [People]
• Is Ashlee Simpson going to appear in an upcoming issue of Vogue? She was spotted recently at a"glamorous photoshoot for Vogue magazine at the Hilton hotel in Beverly Hills." [Socialite Life]
• The Heene family posted a note on the door of their Colorado home that reads, "Thank you for all of your support. We are not taking any interview any more. We are tired. Thank you. Heenes" [Us]
• Richard Heene's lawyer says he expects he'll be charged by Wednesday and when that happens Heene will plead not guilty. [TMZ]
• About two weeks ago Richard Heene posted a profile on RealityWanted.com advertising himself to casting agents and producers to be a reality star. [TMZ]
• Richard Heene was arrested in April 1997 in Los Angeles and charged with misdemeanor vandalism, vehicle tampering, and disturbing the peace. He plead no contest to the vandalism charge and was sentenced to 30 days in jail and 2 years probation. [TMZ]
• The FAA is investigating whether Richard Heene released the balloon without authorization. [TMZ]
• Shree Silver, who co-starred with Richard Heene on Wife Swap says he "had the mind of a mad scientist." Though he once threw milk on her she says, " I don't think he would be physically abusive." [People]
• David Hasselhoff may do a reality show. An A&E rep confirms, "We are discussing a possibility of doing a documentary series with David and his kids." [TMZ]
• After showing up 90 minutes late to a charity concert in Colorado Springs, DMX was told he couldn't perform. DMX, his bodyguards, and his fans got into a fight with concert security. There's video here: [TMZ]
• Simon Cowell is stepping up Leona Lewis' security since she was attacked at a book signing last week. "I was stunned anyone would want to attack her. We need to make sure she is protected," he said. [The Sun]
• Bethenny Frankel announced over the weekend that she's engaged, but is she pregnant too? A source says, "Bethenny premeditated all of this! She got pregnant and got engaged all for her own show." [Perez Hilton]
• Boy George says in prison, "You've got the classic picture of the balconies and the banging cups. I knew what to expect. I was quite hostile. Very hostile. And very grumpy. Not because I felt that way particularly, but because I felt it required that. The situation required me to be a bit feisty, a bit don't-fuck-with-me." [Daily Express]
• Randy and Evi Quaid didn't attend a court hearing in Santa Barbara this morning to settle their fraud case. The DA is giving them another chance to show up next Monday, but if they don't appear he'll have them extradited from Texas. [TMZ, Radar Online]
• Laura Dern has been cast as the headmistress of an elementary school in the Meet The Fockers sequel Little Fockers. [Hollywood Reporter]
• Michelle Obama will appear on The Jay Leno Show on Friday via satellite. [Entertainment Tonight]
• Stephen Moyer is walking with a cane after tearing his meniscus while playing with his kids. "I'd like to say it as some kind of thrusting, sexy injury," he said. "But it really isn't." [People]
• Jenna Fisher, who fell down a staircase and broke her back in four places says, "Before the accident, I wore size 26 jeans! I was truly in the best shape of my life. Afterward, I gained 10 lbs. and got flabby." But now, "I went shopping with my girlfriends recently, and I fit into my old-size jeans." [People]
• Jordan says, "Do you want to know the truth why we're not divorced? It's because it looks like Pete's still after my money. I texted him the other day and said, are you sticking to the pre-nup or are you after my money?" [The Sun]
• The Brits have nominated Jordan for Bounty Celebrity Mum of the Year. [The Mirror]
• The Tate Modern may have to destroy 12,000 catalogues for the Richard Prince exhibit Pop Life because they contain a nude picture of Brooke Shields taken when she was 10. [N.Y. Times]
• Wilmer Valderrama will star in a half hour sitcom based on the escapades of Dog Whisperer Cesar Millan. [People]
• Penn Badgley says dating Blake Lively may not have been the best idea. "Having a relationship with someone you work with might not always be the smartest move," he says. "But it's been wonderful to be in a relationship where we can both identify with what the other is experiencing." [Entertainment Tonight]
• Victoria Beckham will guest star on an episode of Gossip Girl A source says that at Posh's New York fashion show last month Blake Lively, "pleaded with her to guest star in an episode and ran the idea past producers." [Mirrow]
• Chris Kirkpatrick believes there may be an *NSYNC because, "You never know what the future holds. Anything could happen... We're all just being ourselves for a little while." We guess that Justin Timberlake will keep "being himself" for quite a long time." [People]
• "I've had some absolutely great relationships and some not so great relationships," says George Clooney. "I've been in some relationships where I've felt terribly alone. Just because you're with someone it doesn't mean you're incredibly happy and complete." [People]
• While accepting the Spike TV sci-fi actress award for Transformers 2 Megan Fox said, "I don't usually do this, but I wanted to say something,... There have been a lot of false reports about how I feel about this movie. I just want to be very clear that I've always felt I'm a very ordinary part of an extraordinary film." [Us]

• Someone broke into Kourtney Kardashian's home on Saturday night, taking thousands of dollars worth of jewelry. Hollywood: Step up your security! [TMZ]

• As you may know, there's been a rash of burglaries involving young stars this year: Paris Hilton, Audrina Patridge, Hayden Panettiere, Lindsay Lohan and Rachel Bilson's homes have all been broken into in the last 10 months. Oh, and Orlando Bloom was burglarized, too. [People]
• Meanwhile, Kim Kardashian and Reggie Bush are back together, and things are going well: "We just made the decision that we want to make it work, and the time off was really beneficial for the both of us," KK says. "I think sometimes people need to take a break just to take time off to see how much they need each other and how much they really are compatible." [People]
• Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom now have a prenup. He'll keep the $33 million he makes in his 4 year contract with the Lakers. Khloe will get an annual lump sum, which will not go up or down throughout the marriage; and the two will have a joint account. Romantic! [TMZ]
• Hug your neighborhood Goth: Trent Reznor got married on Saturday. [E!]
• Beyoncé has postponed a concert in Malaysia; female performers there must be covered from shoulders to knees, with no cleavage showing. Time to rethink that "Single Ladies" leotard. [AP]
• Lindsay Lohan "shocked" people by being "in control all night" at a party. [Page Six]
• Courtney Love failed to show up in court on Thursday in a case involving Elite Maids and non-payment; the judge ruled against Courtney and she needs to write a check to the cleaning service for $3,058.48. [TMZ]
• Headline of the day: "Paris Hilton Lands Movie Role, Demands Lobsters." [Page Six]
• Stephanie Pratt was arrested for suspicion of driving under the influence early Sunday morning in Hollywood. She'd just left Holly Montag's birthday party and apparently didn't arrange for a designated driver. [TMZ]
• Stephanie Pratt was "cooperative" and there were no issues with her arrest. She was taken into custody at 3:45 am and released at 10:30 am. [People]
• Here's a picture of Stephanie partying before her DUI. What's with the tongues? [TMZ]
• Liz Taylor took Michael Jackson's three kids to a theme park on Friday. From her wheelchair, she watched the children go on rides and enjoy the Halloween Horror Nights event. [Daily Express]
• By the by, Liz Taylor saw the new Michael Jackson documentary, This Is It at a special secret screening. Word is: She loved it and thought it was "brilliant." [Showbiz 411]
• "Michael Jackson's embattled physician, Dr. Conrad Murray, is quietly trying to sell his story." [Rush & Molloy]
• Susan Boyle must have liked the makeover she got from Harper's Bazaar: She used the images from that photo shoot as cover art for her album. [WWD]
• Kelly Bensimon flashed folks at a fête: "Raising her arm to wave goodbye, the Real Housewives star 'accidentally' revealed she was 'commando.'" [Page Six]
• Expect Josh Brolin's performance in Wall Street 2 to be Donald Trump-inspired. [Page Six]
• "The octomom's doctor has been expelled from the American Society for Reproductive Medicine, the main infertility professional organization." Nadya Suleman has said that her physician, Michael Kamrava, transferred six embryos, which exceeds the ASRM's guidelines. [USA Today]
• Did you know that Jon Hamm auditioned for the role of Jack Donaghy on 30 Rock? [Reader's Digest]
• "Madonna's 'Hung Up,' in which she dances provocatively in a pink leotard, has been voted the least sexy music video of all time." [Telegraph]
• You guys, stop talking about how Jennifer Love Hewitt and Jamie Kennedy might be broken up. She says: "I'm not going to lie – it's not annoying, it's hurtful. Because he is like the most awesome person." And! "We are just trying to be really happy. It makes it hard to do that when everybody is putting negative energy out there." [ONTD]
• Guess what Susan Sarandon is going to be for Halloween? Think "Touch-a Touch-a Touch-a Touch Me"! [Page Six]
• Cameron Diaz stars in sci-fi thriller The Box, based on a 1970 short story and adapted and directed by the twisted genius behind Donny Darko, Richard Kelly. At 37, she gets asked about the quality of roles for women over 40, and says: "I'm not 40 yet and I don't know what I am going to want. I'm certainly not sitting here worrying about where I am going to be at, I am just making the most out of the life I am living as I have been doing all along." [News.com.au]
• Conan O'Brien and Newark mayor Cory Booker have ended their feud. Sort of. There's now a joke jar: jar. "Every time I made a joke about Newark… $500 would go into that joke jar," says Conan. Yet he adds: "You can rest assured that the money is safe, because the jar isn't in Newark." [NY Daily News]
• Gaga Ooh La La! New Lady Gaga song! Click to hear. [ONTD]
• Martha Stewart's deal with Kmart is dead. Long live Martha Stewart's deal with Home Depot. [NY Times]
• Nas has tax issues. [TMZ]
• Where The Wild Things Are made a monstrous $32.5 million at the box office. [AP]
• So you know how some dresses have little plastic straps inside for more stability on a hanger? And sometimes the straps pop out from under your armpits and look unsightly? Whitney Houston's dress straps broke while she was on TV. [The Sun]
• Monty Python: The Original Kings Of Gore. [Newsweek]
• Dan Aykroyd's father has a new book called A History of Ghosts: The True Story of Séances, Mediums, Ghosts and Ghostbusters; Dan has written the forward and says: "I've had to sell some really bad movies in my time, so it's great when you can get behind a good product." [USA Today]
• Someone paid $15,000 for a clump of Elvis' hair. [AP]
• Ted Danson upon meeting Dave Chappelle: "You are like a hero in my family." After the meeting: "Wow. That was cool. That was my claim to hip right there. That's my only claim to hip." [LA Times]
• Do red carpets make you nervous? Or the paparazzi? 
"Horribly nervous. The red-carpet thing is more of a problem. I had braces when I was a teenager and taught myself not to smile. I never deprogrammed myself from that. When they're shouting 'Smile!' I get nervous. You don't want to see my smile." Are you on Facebook? "I left Facebook. People contact you and they're out of your life, and I don't know why they want to come back in. It's weird." — from a Q&A with An Education's Carey Mulligan. [Newsweek]
• Def Leppard has canceled the last segment of its North American tour — 23 shows — "due to unforeseen personal matters." [USA Today]
• "When I was 11, I auditioned for the part of Joseph in Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat at school. I didn't go to an all-girls school, but the boys didn't want to do theater: the girls could then play the boys. I remember that I didn't get the part of Joseph and I was really upset. They cast me as the Pharaoh, and I remember doing an Elvis impression as the Pharaoh. I had this one moment when I realized that the Pharaoh part was actually more interesting than Joseph's. And, in some ways, that set the tone for my career. For me, it's often better to play the great character than the lead." — Samantha Morton. Click through for gorgeous photo shoot. [T Magazine]
• "He's one of the very few completely brilliant directors that I've worked with. There aren't really very many, I have to say, or it's a shame to say. To be an artist in terms of what you see and what you want to feel out of each scene, a kind of master of the technique and the technicalities of filmmaking, and a master of directing actors, which is usually the one that's missing — there are many who have no idea how to speak or to pull good work out of actors — is very rare. Roman was all those things." — Ewan McGregor on Roman Polanski, who directed The Ghost, in which Ewan stars. [LA Times]
• "The best part for me now is that I think for the first nine months mom is so essential. When they start hanging out with dad more you're like, 'Wow I feel like a dad.' You go to music class and do fun stuff together, it's cool. It makes me realize all of the little things that my dad sacrificed when he had me. It's sad it took 30 years but I totally realize it now." — Pete Wentz on fatherhood. [UPI via People]
• "When I was away [in prison], I wrote a lot of stuff, which will be released next year. I wrote a diary and songs. I got into trouble because I wrote on the wall: 'Some things are past understanding, you just need a place to land.' It was part of a lyric. I actually wrote a song about Amy [Winehouse] when I was in prison." — Boy George. [Daily Express via The Times of London]
• "I'll be honest: When I went on that morning show, I was drunk. Yes, I was on sleeping pills and I was jet-lagged, but I was also just plastered. And I never said I wasn't, but that whole Warner Bros. publicity machine got involved and said, 'Just say he was jet-lagged.' I said, 'No, tell 'em the truth! I was fucking drunk in Australia. Big deal.'" — John Stamos, in reference to his bizarre appearance on Mornings with Kerri-Ann in 2007. [Us Magazine]
• "I think I underestimated the way people bracket you. I thought I could wear what I wanted and be an actress and live my life in a certain way, and it would all be all right. I feel we live in the kind of culture now where you have to be very smart to navigate the right way, and I just don't have those smarts. I think with age and time it will change, but I can't obsess about it… This is what I have always wanted, to be on Broadway. I'm living my dream, and that's all you can ask for. At a certain point you have to ignore all the rest." — Sienna Miller, who is in After Miss Julie on Broadway. [NY Times]
• "I've had some absolutely great relationships and some not so great relationships. I've been in some relationships where I've felt terribly alone. Just because you're with someone it doesn't mean you're incredibly happy and complete. I've had some easy and natural, made-sense breakups as well as some rough ones. I deal with them the same way we all do: I'm successful with some and not so successful with others. I don't think my experiences are any different than anybody else's, they've just been amplified a little more." — George Clooney. [Mirror]
• "Parenting is something you can't delegate. Yes, you can find help with the daily things, but that doesn't release you from the guilt and anxiety and concern. Is there ever a time when putting your needs ahead of your children's is acceptable? That is the overarching question." — Uma Thurman, on new film Motherhood. [NY Times]
• "Losing my mother was very traumatic. I don't know if I'll ever get over it. And now I'm older than my mom was when she died, which is pretty strange. She died when she was 35. [I lived with my father after that], he was a salesman and only in his early 60s when he died [of complications from diabetes]. I was 20. I miss him every day. He had a wild streak. He was funny, larger than life, and sad. He's probably in my performance more than I know. I started acting in grade school and kept returning to it in high school and college. Theater departments are usually a big collection of orphans and screwups-sort of lost tribes-and I found kinship there. When I started thinking about what to do with the rest of my life, acting was the only thing I kept coming back to." — Jon Hamm. [Reader's Digest]
• "When I look at digital, the dark side of it for me is the physicality that's being presented alongside the Internet. I think about that movie The Matrix, and about these bodies that are human batteries that support computers. I met this guy who was creating software where you could watch Mad Men and you could chat with your friend while you're watching it, and things would pop up, and facts would pop up, and I said, 'You're a human battery. Turn the fucking thing off! You're not allowed to watch the show anymore. You're missing the idea of sitting in a dark place and having an experience. Are you just like sitting with your phone and you're kissing your girlfriend and saying, "I'm kissing my girlfriend! This is so great, we're having sex!'" EXPERIENCE THINGS!" — Matthew Weiner, creator of Mad Men, at the New Yorker Festival [NY Magazine]

• This is not surprising: Nick Prugo, the 18-year-old accused of burglarizing Lindsay Lohan's house, was seen hanging out with Lindsay on the set of Labor Pains at least 10 times.

In other words: She knows him. She wasn't robbed by strangers. [TMZ]

• David Hasselhoff claims the reason he passed out Sunday afternoon was not because of booze, but because of an ear infection. Well, you know, medication for an ear infection, combined with a med that keeps alcoholics from drinking. That's why daughter Hayley found him unconscious. He says. [Page Six]
• Brad Pitt is in talks to play nemesis Moriarty in a Sherlock Holmes sequel. [Reuters]
• Where were the 8 kids while Kate Gosselin was taping her new TV show? In the care of nannies. It was her weekend. Jon Gosselin was in the Hamptons. [MSNBC]
• A source on the set of Kate Gosselin's new TV show says "she was very shy" and "she was very low-key." The View-style program features Gosselin, Paula Deen, comedian Judy Gold, former Early Show coanchor Rene Syler and newsman Bob Woodruff's wife, Lee Woodruff, talking about issues relating to motherhood. [E!]
• According to this report, Kate Gosselin burst into tears when a picture of her kids was flashed on a screen and filming of her new show had to be halted. A source says: "She hates being away from her children, but now that she's to be divorced, she has to work to support them. She was very sad, emotional and very guarded." [Page Six]
• Michael Jackson's This Is It film will include a new song, which Michael wrote for the tour. [Showbiz 411]
• The entire L.A. Lakers basketball team: Invited to Khloe Kardashian's wedding on Saturday. [TMZ]
• SHOCKER OF THE YEAR: Kevin Jonas will have two best men at his wedding: Brothers Nick and Joe. [People]
• Chloë Sevigny and Jason Segel: It's on. [E!]
• Whatever you do, don't strip down and shake your jiggly bits at Martha Stewart. She went to a performance of Hair and was so shocked by the nude scene, she said "I'm having a meltdown" at intermission, and didn't stay for the second half of the show. [Gatecrasher]
• Marc Anthony is so excited about becoming a part owner of the Miami Dolphins that he's purchased a waterfront condo in Miami. But don't worry: He and wife Jennifer Lopez aren't exactly moving there: "We are not selling our homes in New York or Los Angeles, we are just adding Miami." Recession, schmecession! [People]
• BREAKING: Russell Brand was spotted eating a banana at Fort Worth airport on Sunday. [Gatecrasher]
• Dakota Fanning's little sister, Elle Fanning, will make $125,000 for her role in upcoming movie Somewhere. Not sure why this is news, except that TMZ wanted to use the headline, "Dakota Fanning's Kid Sis Makes More Than You." [TMZ]
• A pharmacist at a Valley Village pharmacy refused to fill a drug order for Anna Nicole Smith five months before she died. Her psychiatrist was requesting two  sedatives, 300 tablets of methadone, a muscle relaxer, an anti-inflammatory drug and four bottles of a painkiller nicknamed "hospital heroin." The pharmacist later recalled thinking, The amount and combination alarmed the pharmacist, who later recalled thinking, "They are going to kill her with this." He called her doctor and said he would not fill the prescription, because it was "pharmaceutical suicide." [LA Times]
• Jesse Metcalfe will reprise his role on Desperate Housewives, if you give a crap. [UPI]
• Bijou Phillips plays the love interest of Chris Masterson in new flick Made For Each Other, which also stars her fiancé (and Chris' brother) Danny Masterson. Awkward? [Page Six]
• Chaz Bono has signed a six-figure deal for his memoir, which will detail his decision to transition from female to male. [TMZ]
• Rob Lowe's not that excited about St. Elmo's Fire being made into a TV show. He says: "Outsiders is the one they should be doing. The Outsiders was always my favorite, particularly now with the passing of Patrick Swayze." [E!]
• Julianna Margulies plays the wife of a politician busted in a sex scandal in The Good Wife, a CBS show premiering tonight. On the show, her character stands by her man. But Julianna says: "My reaction would have been to get the hell out of there. Until I put myself in her shoes - since I've been playing her - everything has changed. And since I've had my own child. It's not just about your feelings. The thing I love about her is that she's always balancing things. It's just survival." [USA Today]
• Lucinda Williams married boyfriend and manager Tom Overby on stage in front of 1,500 fans in a club in Minneapolis on Friday. "After saying their vows and sealing the deal with a kiss, the bride – dressed in knee high black boots and a short black satin dress – performed a song she had written for her groom." [People]
• The jury's been picked for the trial of two people accused of trying to extort $25 million from John Travolta following his son's death in the Bahamas. Travolta is on the list of witnesses that could be called to testify. [NY Daily News]
• Nadya "Octomom" Suleman does yoga in front of the cameras camped out near her house. [NY Daily News]
• Filmmakers were following Susan Boyle as she sang "Wild Horses" for her US debut on America's Got Talent; the event is being turned into a documentary. [NY Post]
• Nathan Fillion is hot. Does anyone watch Castle? Interview with Captain Hammer, aka Captain Malcolm Reynolds, at the link. [PopWrap]
• "Dannii Minogue became dependent on Botox after she fell into a depression over her sister Kylie's cancer…" "My sister was sick, then my best friend died soon after - I felt I'd been hit by a wave. I couldn't deal with the stress. I couldn't deal with having to look at my face." [The Sun]
• Estelle Getty's Emmy is on eBay! The Academy of Television Arts & Sciences is trying to get it taken off; they'd rather have it back if individuals or heirs don't want it. [Variety]
• Jenna Jameson's lawyer claims she owes $72,312.36 from her divorce from porn kingpin Jay Grdina [TMZ]
• Creepy: In an interview with David Carradine a few months before he died, he said that he believed the the "ghost" of his wife Annie's dead husband visited him from the couple's bedroom closet. [NY Post]
• "We spent a chunk of time together, and became friends, but [the collaboration] never happened. I wrote a bunch of words and presented them to him, and he didn't want to go there. He didn't want to be provocative. And I said, ‘Well, why come to me?' I mean, that's like asking Quentin Tarantino to not put any violence in his films." — Madonna, on working with Michael Jackson years ago, to the Times Of London. [MSNBC]
• "John and I always thought of our own covers. This time, Sean said, 'I'm doing it,' and he did it. He's an artist too. I didn't want to be that overwhelming Yoko Ono trying to control the scene. I'm a control freak, in a way, especially with my artwork and music. This time, I had to get to another level, a spiritual level of understanding. It's out of love for my son. He's a good one; he has his own ideas." —Yoko Ono on the cover art of her new album, Between My Head and the Sky.
• "Writing about Python is self-serving and vain, I said, and there are bad things about it as well; but these PR people are agents of the devil and she would not be shaken off." — from an essay by Eric Idle. [Telegraph]
• "So many performers sacrifice their entire life for the stage - I mean, look at Michael Jackson. I'm not in his league, but I do know the cost of fame. I lost a piece of life, normalcy. It's easy to become an android in an artificial world of flashing lights and magazine covers. Being away from it all allowed me to refocus my creative energies. There was a girl I was in love with, I wanted to marry her… It didn't work out. I was devastated. Thank God I had my music as an outlet." — Maxwell. [NY Post]
• "My dog Vivian passed away last year. I went to do this spreading of her ashes at her favorite place on the beach. I was reading this Eugene O'Neill eulogy and I took out the bag of ashes and the wind came and all the ashes went in my face. I had, like, a mouthful of Vivian. I just stood there and went, ‘This is genius, actually. This is totally perfect and humorous.'" — Drew Barrymore. [MSNBC]

• Petersen's group aims to appoint a financial guardian to watch over any money made by Suleman's children during the filming of their upcoming reality show. Suleman attempted to have the judge dismiss the petition, but the judge refused. [Reuters]
• Model Jasmine Fiore's body was identified by the serial numbers in her breast implants—a necessary step after, as Dodai mentioned yesterday, her killer had removed her teeth and fingers in an attempt to throw off the police investigation. Suspect Ryan Jenkins of VH1's Megan Wants A Millionaire is still at large. [USWeekly]
• VH1 is still uncertain as to whether I Love Money 3, a show Jenkins competed on, will ever air. [NYTimes]
• "If someone told me that I would [go into space and] never come back, and if I didn't have a family, I would definitely go and spend my last days in outer space. Escaping into another planet or another world or another way of life . . . keeps me centered and balanced."-Mya [PageSix]
• The release of Martin Scorsese's Shutter Island, starring Leonardo DiCaprio and Michelle Williams, has been moved from October to February, meaning the film won't be released in time for Oscar consideration this year. [NYTimes]
• Just in case you were wondering, Tilda Swinton is not having threesomes with John Byrne, the father of her children, and current boyfriend Sandro Kopp. "I've been painted as a benign eccentric who's living there while some guy's shagging his sweetheart," Byrne says, "Why would I do that?" [PageSix]
• Angela Lansbury will return to Broadway to play Catherine Zeta-Jones' mother in a revival of A Little Night Music. [DailyExpress]
• Jon Gosselin has been spending his weekends partying it up at Foxwoods Casino with his girlfriend, Hailey Glassman. He shall leave no cliches unturned, my friends. [PageSix]
• Blind Item: "This very large, former A list television actor and now movie actor got his nickname Flash because he likes nothing more than to wear boxers around the set and makes sure his fly always stays open." [BlindGossip]
• "Hollywood is just like high school: The popular people love the other popular people. And the thing is, some people aren't nice. Or they are nice, but only to your face, not elsewhere."- Amanda Seyfried [DailyMail]
• Usher claims to own 10,000 pairs of shoes. [TheSun]
• Britain's Radio 1 has "snubbed" Madonna by refusing to play her new single, Celebration. [TheSun]
• Mark Wahlberg is reportedly concerned about co-star Christian Bale, who may be risking his health in an effort to lose weight for his role as a drug addict in the upcoming film The Fighter. "Christian is a method actor. If a role calls for him to look like a drug dealer, or he has to play someone who hasn't slept in a year, he'll go without food to look the part," says a source, "But the danger comes after he takes off that weight, and then eats everything in sight to put it back on for the next role. That kind of yo-yo dieting can be deadly. Mark and Christian are friends, and Mark is concerned about him." Hopefully this doesn't mean they're done, professionally. [ONTD]
• Bryan Singer is set to remake the 1981 film Excalibur. [DailyExpress]
• According to Heidi Montag, her husband, Spencer Pratt thinks Angelina Jolie is "a home-wrecking hussy." [PopCrunch]
• Meanwhile, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are reportedly "grooming" their daughter, Shiloh to be an actress. [Celebitchy]
• Kristen Stewart will be playing a stripper in the upcoming film Welcome To The Rileys. [Star]
• A source on the set of Twilight flick Eclipse claims that Kristen and Robert Pattinson are "definitely a couple and very much in love. Neither of them is rushing into anything, they are just having a good time hanging out, but they plan to explore their relationship even more while they are filming." [ShowbizSpy]
• Hey Girl, Ryan Gosling is going on tour with his band, Dead Man's Bones, and "the opening act for the shows will be a talent show, organized by the band and featuring local talent in each city." I assume you guys will be at these shows holding up giant signs that read, "Hey Ryan- Eff it, let's get a taco." [JustJared]

In the two-hour documentary—which was filmed and produced by RadarOnline and aired last night on Fox—Nadya admitted that she resents herself because she sees how her six older children have been negatively affected by the birth of the octuplets, saying, "I screwed up my life, I screwed up my kids' lives. I have to put up this strong facade and pretend like I don't regret it."

And while her circumstances have been brought about by her own actions, it must be really hard to have your 7-year-old say to you:

And even harder to have your 2-year-old call you a:

Her son Caleb seems to be the most badly-behaved of her 14 children; of course it could probably be chalked up to the "terrible twos." However, he definitely exhibited a violent streak, getting aggressive with the camera people, kicking one of the infants in the head, and slapping his mother across the face when he was ordered into a "time out."

In fact, all of the older children appeared to hate being filmed by the camera crew, and repeatedly ran away, smacked the cameras, cried. Still, Nadya is interested in doing a reality show, as she thinks that it will be beneficial for her children by providing opportunities for "adventures" and travel.

Actually, the camera people seemed to annoy everyone except Nadya. Below is the video of the octuplets' birth; everyone in the operating room was pissed off that it was being filmed.

It seems odd that Nadya would want any additional attention or scrutiny—of the kind the Gosselins are subjected to—since she seems to have become so paranoid by her experiences as a public figure thus far. This was one extreme example:

Nadya believes that her home is haunted because her nannies (five on day shift, four on night shift) told her that they heard "footsteps and running around upstairs." (Nadya later freaked out when she was on the toilet and heard someone whisper "Mommy.") Such incidents would be par for the course in a house of 14 children, but it freaked her out enough that she bought bibles for each room in the house.

It also seemed strange to me that Nadya would be so easily influenced by her nannies, since she's had so many problems with them. (One of them bizarrely kept making jokes about abducting the infants, leading to all of the nannies eventually being fired.)

Lastly, here are 10 factoids learned from Octomom:

1.) Nadya trademarked "Octomom."
2.) Nadya claims to never have had any plastic surgery or lip plumping.
3.) Nadya never worked as a stripper, as some tabloids reported.
4.) Nadya loves chocolate.
5.) Nadya has not had sex in over nine years.
6.) Nadya doesn't like when people say the word "sex."
7.) Nadya secretly wanted the biological father of her children to be in their lives, but told him until a year ago.
8.) Nadya hopes that one day the biological father will choose to reveal his identity to the world.
9.) Nadya's mom said, "I haven't forgiven [my daughter] yet. I'm not comfortable in her presence anymore."
10.) None of Nadya's children wanted to wish her "Happy Mother's Day" on Mother's Day.

It was a grim night all around.

The Tunisian woman, a 34-year-old known only as AF, claimed to be nine months pregnant with six boys and six girls (if true, would this make her a Duodecamom?). Tunisia's Health Ministry, however, says she has "psychological problems and is unlikely even to be pregnant." A spokesman added "The woman has refused point blank to undergo a medical examination. Now we can't even contact her. She's gone into hiding." British doctor Peter Bowen-Simpkins had previously questioned her claim, asking somewhat amusingly, "How could you get 12 babies into the womb at the same time?" Well, they start out reeeeeall small ... but in this case, especially with AF and her husband now missing, the prolific pregnancy appears to be a hoax.

A doctor at AF's local hospital in Gafsa, Tunisia said,

It may be that she's trying to make money from television. These kind of people can make thousands from appearing on programmes. Perhaps that's what motivated her.

And indeed, AF has been compared to Nadya Suleman, who does hope to make money by "appearing on programmes." Along with her nemesis and possible inspiration Kate Gosselin, she offers a cautionary tale to those who wish to put their families in the spotlight — at least according to Mary McNamara at the LA Times. McNamara blames the intrusion of fame and TV cameras for the dissolution of the Gosselins' marriage, and says of the upcoming special Octomom: The Incredible Unseen Footage, "Fox should include the following warning label: 'BEING THE SUBJECT OF A TELEVISION SHOW IS DANGEROUS TO YOUR FAMILY'S HEALTH.'"

McNamara's claims about the Gosselins are a little specious — she asks of Kate, who says her marriage was bound to end, TV show or no,

Really? Your husband would have left you for a Star reporter and/or the daughter of the plastic surgeon who gave you a tummy tuck (free, because it was filmed), even if you had just remained some obscure church-going Pennsylvania family with a bunch of kids?

"Obscure church-going" Jon might not have taken up with a Star reporter, but raising sextuplets and twins would likely put a strain on any marriage. The Gosselins' notoriety is more disturbing for its effect on their kids, who have to watch their mom give interviews about her divorce while their dad consorts with various mall-faced twentysomethings. And Suleman's children, who, as McNamara points out, are basically forced to be on TV for their mom can pay the bills, are unlikely to benefit psychologically from the experience.

Then there's the effect on us, the viewers. McNamara writes,

There is nothing to be learned from the Suleman story, no connection to be made with average parents. She is, mercifully, an anomaly, tempted, perhaps, by the attention society increasingly pays to large number of multiples, but certainly responsible for her own actions, an easy person to judge from afar, to pity or vilify as the mood strikes us.

It's not clear whether Nadya Suleman craves the unconditional love of children or the or conditional love of a TV audience (probably both). But it is clear that the former enables the latter. Whether or not there's anything "to be learned" from huge families, viewers are fascinated with them, so much so that even faking a multiple pregnancy may start to seem like a media-savvy move. Part of this fascination is just prurient — what does her belly look like? Will she get a tummy tuck? How did she get all those babies in there? And part of it has to do with the very fact that Suleman and the Gosselins aren't average parents — they're extreme parents. Their stories take one of the most basic aspects of human life and make it strange and new again.

Of course, having six or even eight babies at once isn't new anymore — maybe that's why AF felt she had to up the fertility ante. McNamara says we're in the midst of "a crisis of either public health or education" characterized by families seeking TV fame. But Suleman's particular brand of fame may have an upper limit. If it's true that you can't pack twelve fetuses into one uterus, then the next generation of opportunistic families are going to have to find a new way to bring cameras into their lives. Brace yourselves for My Lonely Only Child, or James And Kim: The Couple With No Kids At All.

Arabic Teacher Who Claimed She Was Pregnant With 12 Babies Is Exposed As A Fraud [Daily Mail]
When Private Lives Go Public [LA Times]

Earlier: Multiple Choice

Of her bad-idea-jeans choice to implant herself — already a single mother with six children — with a slew of embryos, Suleman says, "because I see my older kids and I see how they're negatively affected and I resent myself. I screwed up my life, I screwed up my kids' lives. I have to put up this strong facade and pretend like i don't regret it."

To drive that point home further:

• Renée Zellweger and Bradley Cooper are so on. How on are they?

They walk like teenagers at the state fair: Hands on each others asses. Image at link! [TMZ]

• Here are more invasion of privacy pix of Renee and Bradley in a Barcelona hotel, and what's really notable are Renee's torturous heels. [Daily Mail]
• Oh-so-demure actress Emmy Rossum, 22, is getting a secret divorce from her secret husband after getting a secret marriage on some secret date. Secrets! [JustJared]
• On Angelina Jolie at the Inglourious Basterds premiere: "Even though Jolie skipped most press, when we chatted with her for a bit she was bubbly, fun and...nice. What gives? Could Jolie be preggers again or something?" Yes, if a woman is in a good mood, she must be sperminated. [E!]
• Jon Gosselin has given an eloquent statement in response to Kate's appearance on the today show. "Kate's the mother of my children," he told E! News. "I only wish her the best." [Usa Magazine]
• Apparently Regis Philbin and Kate Gosselin had an awkward moment in an interview which will air on Live With Regis And Kelly tomorrow. He asked if Kate could see herself reconnecting with Jon. She said: "I can't and won't answer that. I keep certain things private, and that's one." Then, Reeg being Reeg, he said: "I think you [and your husband] will get back together and live happily ever after. I think everything is going to work itself out - he'll say he's sorry, that he loves you and everything will be good." Kate had no response and the show cut to commercial. [NY Daily News]
• Justin Timberlake is bringing chukker back: He bought a house in Connecticut in a private gated community famed for Greenwich polo matches. [Page Six]
• John Hughes was mourned yesterday at a private service in Lake Forest, Illinois. Among the attendees: Family, friends, Vince Vaughn, Ben Stein and Matthew Broderick. [USA Today]
• Kate Hudson wants to have Alex Rodriguez's baby. [MSNBC]
• Nadya Suleman, mother of octuplets, has been hospitalized in California. Details? None. A source says: "This is not a big deal and Nadya should be back on her feet in a few days." [Radar Online]
• Ben Stiller will appear on an episode of Bear Grylls' Man Vs. Wild, and says he'd like to see some other stars survive in the wilderness: "I really would love to invite Demi Moore." [The Sun]
• Kim Kardashian and Reggie Bush: Reunited and it feels so good? [Perez]
• Kourtney Kardashian kissed a girl. And liked it. On camera. And it's part of the promotional blitz for her show Kourtney And Khloe Take Miami. But, she says: "I feel like I'm definitely into men." [E!]
• Unbeweavable! Amy Winehouse: The Musical. Might happen. [The Sun]
• Zac Efron is at the center of a lawsuit in Beverly Hills small claims court; a woman claims he hit a cab and the cab hit her. She's looking for $3,319.76 — which should be doable if a bunch of you guys go rent 17 Again. [TMZ]
• It had been reported that Real Housewives Of Atlanta' Lisa Wu Hartwell had been evicted from her home, but she says: "We chose to move, we were not evicted. It was a short-sell. It was not a foreclosure." [People]
• Whee! Natalie Portman will produce Booksmart, the comedy written by our girlcrush Sarah Haskins and her pal Emily Halpern. This is the one about two overachieving high school seniors who realize they don't have boyfriends and resolve to each find one by prom. [Variety]
• Joe Jonas may be joining the cast of Valentine's Day, which, in addition to Julia Roberts, Anne Hathaway, Jessica Biel, Jessica Alba, Patrick Dempsey, Jamie Foxx and Queen Latifah, stars his ex, Taylor Swift. [E!]
• Even though it was previously reported that Michael Jackson had already been buried at Forest Lawn Cemetery, Joe Jackson says MJ is "not buried yet." And: "I think Vegas would be great."
• Will the 9th season of Dancing With The Stars be Jackson-inspired? Lou Ferrigno is "definitely interested." LaToya Jackson is in talks. Jermaine Jackson wants to do it too, and "thinks he could win it all." [MSNBC]
• LaToya Jackson's discussions to join DWTS are "serious." [Us Magazine]
• Jermaine Jackson was trying to pull together a "Happy Birthday Michael Jackson" televised tribute concert in Vienna on August 29, but couldn't get it organized in time. [Page Six]
• Is Blanket Blaxican?!?!? [Mirror]
• There's a dispute over the Billy Mays autopsy results; the medical examiner should not have immediately listed "heart disease" as the cause, since it ignored the toxicology work which found cocaine, Xanax and Vicodin in the pitchman's system. [TMZ]
• Amber Rose naked, holding a whip. [The Life Files]
• Joey Buttafuoco: Suing Mary Jo. Apparently he's not happy that her new book calls him a sociopath. [La Daily Musto]
• Pete Doherty is going to trial for drugs. Related: Sky is blue. [The Sun]
• Farrah Fawcett's friend Alana Stewart says that Redmond O'Neal is "doing well" and is getting sober. "He's in a rehab part of the jail and he's going to go to a regular rehab after this. He feels his mother's with him; he feels her presence very strongly and he promised her in a phone call just before she died that he would never do drugs again, so I hope that he's able to keep that promise." [Daily Express]
• Miss Universe Dayana Mendoza, who got in trouble last year when people found out that she'd posed for a jewelry ad in the nude, a no-no for Miss Universe contestants, will appear topless in Maxim's September issue. Of course. [Page Six]
• "I always look at things and say, 'Will Barbra be proud?' She does such elegant work. Am I the guy who is going out and doing the tacky stuff? So I weighed it a lot. I decided to do it because I wanted to do comedy stuff so bad." — James Brolin, on appearing in the raunchy comedy The Goods, starring Jeremy Piven. [LA Times]
• "My humor isn't meant to be mean or hurt anyone. But it's to make them uncomfortable and laugh. I like making people feel a different range of emotions. I like to make people a bit confused." — Charlyne Yi. [USA Today]
• "If I'm honest, I don't think I'll ever be totally free from that. It's much more under control but food for me will never be easy. I used it as a shield. It was a way to fend off rejection: you'll never want me, look how fat I am. I'll be the fat, funny one." — Sharon Osbourne, on her bulimia and food addictions. [Daily Express]
• "I worked with such amazingly talented people that just a brush stroke would change my face a little bit. I looked at myself in the mirror one day and I didn't really realise we were doing the older Clare that day and I said 'Oh, I'm looking a little haggard', before being told it was paint." — Rachel McAdams on playing all different ages in The Time Traveller's Wife. [Mirror]
• "I'm a successful woman, in the public eye, and raising a kid by myself. It can leave guys feeling like, 'Damn, how can I have a chance?' Just be a man!" — Taraji P. Henson, to Men's Fitness. She looks hot in the snaps at the link. [Gatecrasher]
• "There was a very funny thread on a message board somewhere online that said, 'Yeah, well, they obviously Photoshopped it, because who would sit in water all day for a photo shoot?' Well, no… [Laughs.] I sat in a giant tank of water for a solid Saturday, and it was kind of fun, actually. I mean, once you're wet, you're wet. You don't get any more wet. So you're just kind of like, 'All right, here we are.' And it was a bunch of crewmembers and waiters and an incredibly skillfully constructed set, and I think a pretty cool image that they got out of it as well. I'm sure they could have done some kind of photo trickery, but this makes for a better story, and it's way cooler to go build it and do it for reals. I think online, there's a time-lapse image of it filling up, too." — Jon Hamm, on the promotional photo for Mad Men's third season, in which he is sitting in a room full of water. [AV Club] 
• "I'm very religious. I'm a big Christian girl. I kinda wanted to keep those values a little bit. I haven't told my dad [I posed for Playboy] yet. I might not tell him. My mom was so excited she was just, like, pose! God gave you that body, you show off that cute little thing." — Heidi Montag. [Extra]

• Yesterday Jaime Pressly reportedly got so drunk at a gay bar in West Hollywood that she slumped down next to the building and urinated on the sidewalk in broad daylight.

• It sounds crazy, but she's definitely squatting over a puddle in the pictures at the link. There is also video of bystanders voicing shock and awe. [Perez Hilton]
• Update: She's denying everything. In her defense, the puddle looks more like water than urine. [Perez Hilton]
• A woman named Claire Elisabeth Fields Cruise has filed guardianship petitions for each of Michael Jackson's kids. She also claims she was married to MJ, engaged to Blanket's real father, and is the mother of one of Tom Cruise's kids. [TMZ]
• In this video she names Paris and Prince's fathers and claims she did not donate eggs or carry the children, but they were conceived in her body, then transferred to a surrogate. Also, she says Connor Cruise was Michael Jackson's son but they gave him away to Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman because MJ "did not want his own child because of the color of his skin." [TMZ]
• In the video at the link another woman named Billie Jean explains that she is Blanket's mom because there's a double negative in the song of the same name that prove the kid is her son... even though it was written 19 years before Blanket was born. [TMZ]
• When Mark Lester told the News of the World that he may be the father of Paris Jackson, he added that he's upset he hasn't seen the kids. Today Lester told TMZ there's "absolutely nothing malicious" about his intentions and it's "highly unlikely" he'll go to court to prove he's the father or get visitation rights. [TMZ]
• The L.A. County Coroner's Office has completed their autopsy on Michael Jackson, but it's on an indefinite security hold because the LAPD says it's release could make the investigation into his death more difficult. [TMZ]
• This Is It, a movie composed from 80 hours of rehearsal footage shot before Michael Jackson's London concerts, will be released in theaters on October 30. [USA Today]
• A global farewell tribute concert for Michael Jackson is scheduled to take place next month in Vienna. Members of the Jackson family and international stars possibly including U2, Madonna, and Whitney Houston will perform MJ's hits. Jermaine Jackson said Vienna was special for Michael because he "loved castles." [Associated Press]
• Jon Gosselin was supposed to an interview with E! in response to Kate Gosselin's interview this morning on Today, but either TLC or In Touch, which had a Jon "exclusive" last week called off the interview. [Radar Online]
• A private investigator has released a fax he claims is from Pat McDermott, Olivia Newton-John's missing ex, asking investigators to stop searching for him. [Radar Online]
• A group of Malawian performers are staging a musical parody at the Edinburgh Fringe about Madonna's adoption of Mercy James. The all-Malawian cast wear shirts that say "adopt me" and the male actor who plays Madonna uses son David Banda as a step to climb onto the stage. [The Daily Mail]
• Here are spoilers about Spike Jonze/Kanye West short film which will be released on iTunes on September 8th. Let's just say Kanye throwing up rose petals isn't the craziest part of the film. [ONTD]
• Lee Najjar, the real estate mogul recently exposed as RHOA's "Big Poppa" was on MTV recent in an episode of Teen Cribs. His kids and his wife are also in the episode. [TMZ]
• Like his ex Katie Price, Peter Andre is planning to write a book. He's signed a £1.5million deal to write a cookbook. [The Mirror]
• Both Anne Heche and Ashton Kutcher worked out and dieted to look good in their explicit new film Spread. Demi Moore helped out by hanging around for Ashton's sex scenes. "Demi was there a lot," said co-star Margarita Leveiva, " She was kind to me. She wasn't there to freak us out or anything. She was incredibly kind and generous and made me feel safe." [People]
• Mark Ballas hopes Paula Abdul doesn't join the cast of Dancing With The Stars. "I think we're good with our judges," said Ballas. "I think she should be on the show as a competitor." [E!]
• Hugh Hefner sold his "English Manor" next to the Playboy Mansion for $18 million, $10 million less than he asked for. His sons grew up there, but they've gone away to college. [Times Of London]
• Nadya Suleman will be featured in a two hour special on FOX, which will air footage culled from seven months of filming her octuplets in her home. [Entertainment Tonight]
• OMG: It's a Gossip Girl/Twilight crossover! Chace Crawford was photographed making out with Ashley Greene. [TMZ]
• Check out the new Gossip Girl promo here: [E!]
• At the link, learn all about British model/TV host/fashion icon Alexa Chung and why she hates olives. [Times]
• Chelsea Handler is patching more shows to E!. "I'm thinking maybe something along the lines of a Chelsea Lately ‘After the Show,' kind of like the Oprah thing," said Handler. She's already working on a standup special of comedians regularly featured on the show. [Media Week]
• Jeremy Piven said of his film The Goods, "it's a bit raunchy. Also, the language is racy. James Brolin said he wouldn't even tell his wife [Barbara Streisand] the kind of role he was shooting. But then we had a private screening, and Barbra Streisand laughed the loudest." [The Daily Express]
• Diane Kruger says she'd like to appear on boyfriend Joshua Jackson's show Fringe. I'd love to be a gooey monster," she says. "[A role] where my eyes are popped out of my head or something – that would be fun." [People]
• "I would love to have a wife and kids, but you can't magic them out of thin air. I've never been that 'seven-year relationship' kind of guy. [But I'm ready] for the big relationship. I guess I've got to settle down soon, but I'm nervous to say it out loud because it might not happen." — Gerard Butler, who turns 40 in November. [Daily Express]
• "Oh yeah, they write some pretty funny stuff for Roger Sterling. It's good, isn't it? Sometimes you feel like, man, I wish I was more in the thick of it … but then when I watch something, I always have to remember, you never think of it that way. It's not always the person who is on the screen the most; it's sometimes someone who comes in and makes an impression and sticks out... People assume all actors just wants their face on TV more. There have been things where I have had to convince people to cut me out of scenes. I have no interest in just standing there and looking like an idiot, or trying to act a really badly written scene. This material is so good you just want more and more of it." — John Slattery [N.Y. Observer]

• Seriously, Jennifer Aniston, what the hell are you doing? First you signed on for desperado babyfever flick The Baster, now you're doing a movie called Pumas. That's right: PUMAS. The plot:

"Two thirtysomething women make a habit of romancing younger men." But wait: The ladies take a French skiing vacation that "challenges their romantic expectations." What's next? Old Maid: The Musical? [Variety]

• Mel Gibson was in a scuffle with a photographer and the snapper's friend; a shirt got ripped open and someone is filing a battery report against Gibson. More to come. [TMZ]
• Mischa Barton arrived in New York on Tuesday night to start filming The Beautiful Life, but some are saying it's too soon after her hospitalization. Here's the thing: On the show, Mischa plays an aging supermodel with a drug problem. [Gatecrasher]
• Isn't it interesting that we don't know who the mother of Jude Law's love child is? Someone from the set of Sherlock Holmes perhaps? [Page Six]
• Jennifer Lopez, her luggage, her husband and her impeccably dressed children are in Rome. [Daily Mail]
• Nadya Suleman's reality show is in production. Right now, her 14 kids are being kept off camera, while work permits are being figured out. Her lawyer says: "It most likely will be aired in the UK first once it gets finished, but there has been substantial interest from a U.S. major cable network." [EW]
• Kenny Chesney is denying the Star report (from yesterday's Midweek Madness) that he and Jessica Simpson flirted on July 4, in front on Tony Romo. "Tony's a friend, and I wouldn't flirt with a buddy's girlfriend," says Chesney. "More importantly, Jessica was just being sweet and there was nothing else to it." [People]
• Liam Gallagher and Lily Allen were on an 11-hour Virgin Atlantic flight to Japan and were repeatedly told to "calm down" as they boozed it up in a "marathon drinking session." [The Sun]
• BREAKING: Kim Kardashian doing "okay" after split. [People]
• Amy Winehouse made a deal with her neighbor — he'd grill the meat she'd bought if she'd do a private gig for him one day. [The Sun]
• Here's what happens when Hollywood films a movie in your house: branches with fake leaves arrive; Betty White holds your dog; Ryan Reynolds ignores you. [NY Times]
• Michael Jackson's mother, Katherine, will get custody of his kids. Katherine and Debbie Rowe have reached an agreement which gives Rowe visitation rights — but no additional money. [CBS News]
• Debbie Rowe wants the kids to have a psychologist to help them adjust to her being in their lives… And she will get one. [TMZ]
• Michael Jackson's personal nurse and nutritionist Cherilyn Lee says she never saw him take any IV drugs. What I knew for a fact was he had very small veins. "When I met him and did his blood work he said, 'Don't feel bad because I have tiny squiggly veins, sometimes it takes 30 minutes to an hour to find my veins.'" [MSNBC Scoop]
• Michael Jackson's personal chef, Kai Chase, is still talking about being in the house the day the singer died. "I thought maybe Mr Jackson is sleeping late," she says. Also: She is sort of pushing a cookbook, tentatively titled Fit for a King. [Guardian]
• Dr. Conrad Murray was sentenced to jail earlier this year… for non-payment of child support. [Radar Online]
• Dr. Murray may lose his Las Vegas home. [NY Daily News]
• TMZ spoke to two sisters who worked for Dr. Conrad Murray — LaQuisha Middleton and LaQuanda Price — trying to get details about boxes of dirty needles and whatnot. Whatever you do, do not read the comments over there. [TMZ]
• Rumor has it Michael Jackson's will is not valid because it's not notarized; but in California, a will doesn't have to be notarized. So. [TMZ]
• Speaking of doctors and celebrities with prescription problems… Elvis' doctor has a new book in which he says: "I don't regret any of the medications I gave him. They were necessities." [UPI]
• Daniel Bark, who is charged with vehicular homicide in the death of American Idol contestant Alexis Cohen, says Cohen was drunk. [TMZ]
• The Sex And The City movie sequel is having issues attempting to shoot in Dubai, probably because the UAE authorities don't like that the word "sex" is in the title. [Daily Express]
• Russell Brand "was seen being propositioned by a member of staff from naughty undercracker shop Agent Provocateur." He was in the store chatting with the young lady; and as he left, she ran after him with her phone number. In other words: Just another Wednesday. [The Sun]
• Are Lil' Kim and Scott Storch back on? [Page Six]
• "There's a better fight in the season opener of The Real Housewives of Atlanta than there was in the recent finale of The Real Housewives of New Jersey. [NY Daily News]
• Balthazar Getty: Back with his wife? [Daily Mail]
• The casting of Bryce Dallas Howard and the ousting of Rachelle Lefevre = Twilight dramz. [E!]
• Put it this way: Rachelle Lefevre was "stunned" that her role in Eclipse was cast with someone else. [AP]
• Bridget Moynahan will star with Aaron Eckhart in Battle: Los Angeles, a flick about a Marine platoon in a face off against aliens attacking L.A. [Variety]
• Matthew McConaughey and Eva Mendes are in talks to star in Southbound, in which he'd play a a patrol officer on the border between California and Mexico who accepts a bribe from a beautiful Mexican woman. Eva was born in Miami to Cuban-American parents but whatever. [Variety]
• Russell Crowe will star in The Next The Days, directed by Paul Haggis (Crash). Crowe will play a teacher whose wife is arrested and convicted of a murder she says she did not commit. [Variety]
• By the by, while filming Robin Hood, Russell Crowe popped into a charity shop and donated £1000. [The Sun]
• Interested in ESPN reporter Erin Andrews' 911 call? [TMZ]
• Shakira is back! Her new album and first single are called She Wolf, and the video airs tonight on MTV. You'll see her dancing in a golden cage: "It was improvisation. I went crazy," she says. "They said 'Action!' and I just started hanging from the bars. I felt so inspired, maybe because I felt like I was a living metaphor trapped inside the cage." [USA Today]
• Weird: Val Klimer owes $538,858 in unpaid taxes in New Jersey, even though he is originally from L.A. and has been living in New Mexico for the last 20 years. [TMZ]
• Audrina from The Hills has a new man, an "Aussie BMXer" named Corey Bohan. [E!]
• Gretchen Wilson plans to start her own label which, of course, she will call Redneck Records. [USA Today]
• Men At Work: Still facing plagiarism charges, from a song that was a hit in 1981. [BBC News]
• "I think it's brilliant that Leno is at 10 p.m., because America can get bored more easily and go to sleep earlier. When was the last time you heard, 'Did you hear what Leno said last night?'" — Joan Rivers. [Yahoo News via Reuters]
• "I can't wear a skirt that's too short any more. It's not that my legs are bad, it just looks silly. I feel less pressure to dress youthfully. I'm 50 and everyone knows I'm 50 – who are you kidding? Jeans are my uniform. I have about 15 pairs." — Michelle Pfeiffer. [Daily Express]
• "You just read it. Seriously. It is an incredible document. I think people either forget about it or have been taught it too early in their lives. It's a document worth reading and rereading every single year because it's the principles in that document that we should be loyal to and fight for and struggle for, rather than whichever government is in power." — Matt Damon, on making reciting the Declaration of Independence exciting for a History Channel movie. [AP]
• "I love my curves, I embrace them, but I have to walk a fine line. I think it comes down to being voluptuous, and if your body's a certain way, then things can go distasteful in a second… I love therapy! I'm very in touch with my feelings... there's nothing like going in and sitting down and talking to someone who has no emotional tie to your life." — Eva Mendes. [NY Daily News]
• "I want a part so bad. Any part's fine. I will be the vampire who carries Robert Pattinson's luggage in the airport. That is the part that I will play if they need it. I'd pass out [if I met Robert]. I can't talk about it, 'cause I'd pass out. It's because he's Edward. Listen, Edward can fly you through the forest. He's like Aladdin with vampire teeth - there's magic-carpet rides. He can sing. He can watch you sleep. He plays music. He sniffs your neck. I mean, please!" — Jennifer Love Hewitt really really really wants to be in a Twilight movie, poor thing. [MSNBC]

• Have mercy. Will Lauren Conrad's L.A. Candy be turned into a film? That would mean a movie based on a book based on reality show based on someone's life. LC says:

"We're hoping for a movie deal. I'm working on [adapting the book for the movies] right now, but I don't want to commit to anything until I see all my options." [Gatecrasher]

• Here's an article devoted to dissecting, mocking and nitpicking Madonna's "stringy" arms. [NY Daily News]
• Old love letters Madonna wrote are up for auction; she refers to herself as "Lil' Booty" and "Lola Montez" in honor of a famous mistress of King Ludwig I of Bavaria. Yeah. [Page Six]
• Oh Kate Major. One day you're a reporter for Star magazine, the next you're "dating" Jon Gosselin; and now you're being accused of having a former life as a high-priced call girl. [Extra]
• Would you watch a Jon Gosselin reality show? No Kate or plus 8 — just the Ed Hardy-wearing bachelor doing… stuff? [E!]
• A stylist who worked with Mischa Barton on the set of The O.C. says the actress developed an alcohol problem in her teens. "Mischa has been drinking since she was about 14, and she doesn't drink to have fun any more - she drinks not to feel anything…It was just a matter of time before she hit rock bottom." [The Sun]
• Mischa Barton is out of the hospital and "has every intention" of rejoining the Ashton Kutcher-produced CW drama The Beautiful Life when it resumes production in a few weeks. [E!]
• "Amy Winehouse 'Stole Cocaine From Kate Moss's Handbag.'" So says Blake Formerly Incarcerated, who seems to be spilling all kinds of tales now that he and Amy are divorced. Anyways, that was then. [Daily Mail]
• Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart stayed in the same hotel, on the same floor, in San Diego Wednesday night before Comic-Con. ZOMG true love! Twilight is real! [E!]
• George Clooney is being linked to Elisabetta Canalis, who hosts the Italian version of MTV's TRL. [Daily Express]
• Hold on to your ovaries: Jon Hamm vacation pictures. [Best Week Ever]
• Speaking of Jon Hamm, he'll star with Ben Affleck in The Town, a flick about a a bank robber who becomes smitten with the teller of a bank he held up. Hamm plays an FBI agent. [Variety]
• There were rumors that John Travolta was leaving the Church of Scientology, but his rep says, somewhat ominously: "There's no change in the relationship between the Church of Scientology and John. He is a member and it's as it was, now and forever." [People]
• On June 25, the day Michael Jackson died, Dr. Conrad Murray gave him the powerful anesthetic propofol through an IV sometime after midnight. [AP, AP]
• "Authorities believe Dr. Murray may have actually fallen asleep during the time the drug was administered and may have awakened to find Jackson already dead from heart failure. An IV drip of Propofol allows a constant, steady infusion of the drug for a period of time determined by the person administering it." [TMZ
• The toxicology report is expected any day now, and will play a role in whether Dr. Conrad Murray is charged with manslaughter. [People]
• "Michael Jackson's children could miss out on a $20 million life insurance payout – because an aide allowed the policy to lapse." [Telegraph]
• Paula Abdul still does not have a deal with American Idol. A source says: "She sees the big money Ryan Seacrest got, she knows that Simon is close to a huge deal, too. She feels like it's personal that she's not getting the same big numbers." Or! Gender gap??? No, but seriously: It's gotta suck to know your coworkers are bringing in millions more than you are. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Meryl Streep and Amy Adams have started the Julie And Julia promotional appearances! [Mirror]
• Kristin Davis has a new man, celebrity photographer Russell James. [People]
• Why did Kim Kardashian and Reggie Bush break up? A source says: They never get to see each other, ever." [People]
• Wait, what? "Pink accuses Christina Aguilera of being a lesbian who wants to sleep with Lindsay Lohan." [ONTD]
• Yes! RuPaul's Drag Race Season 2 has its first contestant, and her name is Jessica Wild. Love the accent, and the energy — video at the link. [EW]
• Tobey Maguire's mom, Wendy, and brother, Weston, will be in a reality show called Growing Up Maguire; Weston rides motocross, skateboards and snowboards. [Page Six]
• Mariah Carey, Diddy and Lil Wayne were supposed to release albums this summer, but all have been delayed until September. [Reuters]
• Diddy ate dinner while gazing upon a billboard of himself. [Page Six]
• Elizabeth Mitchell from Lost is also on the new show V, and talks about joining the cast of the new show while still working on the other, and credits fans with keeping her character around. Video at the link. [EW]
• Lucy Lawless has nude scenes in her new Starz show, Spartacus, and in this video asks, "Have you ever been fitted for a merkin?" [EW]
• "A California judge appointed a lawyer Monday to oversee the estate of Nadya Suleman's octuplets, saying he wanted to ensure they weren't exploited by reality television shows, tabloid photo spreads or other paid ventures." [NY Daily News]
• Hitting on Keri Russell when she is with her kid doesn't impress Keri Russell. [Page Six]
• Dubliners took to the street and protested U2's noisy all-night stage dismantling, which caused the band's trucks to miss their ferry, which affected the tour schedule. [AP]
• Sir Sean Connery may come out of retirement to narrate a film about former servicemen involved in nuclear testing on Christmas Island in the Indian Ocean. [Daily Express]
• Dominic West is in a new film with "Bond girl" Olga Kurylenko and says: "I thought I was going to get involved in a mud wrestle with her, but, in the end, she had a 12-foot spear, so I didn't really get anywhere near her." [Telegraph]
• Uh-oh, Chris Tucker owes over $3 million in back taxes. Where has he been lately, anyway? [TMZ]
• Want Joan Rivers roast jokes? Get 'em here. A sample: "You're like Robo-Cop, you're half-human and nobody's given a shit about you since 1986." [Page Six]
• "Peter Andre has hinted that his estranged wife Jordan had a miscarriage with their baby due to excessive boozing during her pregnancy." [The Sun]
• "I love sickos. Dennis Nilsen, Fred and Rose West, Ted Bundy — I'm obsessed. I've always been into that kind of stuff — real cut-up, blood and gore murders." — Katie "Jordan" Price. [The Sun]
• "Pete dumped me by phone," Katie Price claims. [The Sun]
• "The Broadcasting Complaints Commission has upheld a complaint against RTÉ for allowing actor Gabriel Byrne to endorse Dublin City Council election candidate Mannix Flynn on the Late Late Show one week before the poll." [Irish Times]
• "Quentin got the Jewish director to do the Nazi propaganda film. [And] I thought I'd never do anything more disgusting than Hostel II." — Eli Roth on his Inglourious Basterds role. [Page Six]
• "We have a horrendous row within days of being reunited because it's annoying to have someone else telling you what to do and then we get over that and we are really happy." — Helen Mirren on her marriage to Taylor Hackford, whom she is often away from for months at a time. [Daily Express]
• "It's a lot different from anything I've done before. It's not a pop-rock record. This is more about emotion and feeling." — Avril Lavigne on her new album. [Reuters]
• "It's based on all of Lewis Carroll's material, including the 'Jabberwocky Poem.' Past 'Alice' films were always just a girl wandering around passively with a lot of weird characters. We tried to weave it into a story that has emotion to it and makes sense. I've seen many of the different versions of 'Alice' over the years. I know there was a musical porno movie I remember seeing in the '70s. And lots of other different versions." — Tim Burton on his Alice In Wonderland film. [Reuters]
• Q:What does Johnny Depp bring to the Mad Hatter? A: "He likes dressing up. I think with the Alice in Wonderland characters, they've often been portrayed as just crazy without much subtext, and I think he tried to bring something, an underlying human quality to the craziness. He tried to understand it a bit more...We try to give each character their own particular craziness. And he's good at sort of exploring that, I guess because he's crazy. I don't know." — Tim Burton. [Reuters]