The Pick Up Artist begins its second season on October 12.

Mystery’s Back For Another Round Of The Pickup Artist [ONTD]

They were mostly just semi-awkward dudes who had trouble navigating the bar scene, and needed a boost of confidence (a very expensive boost, but a boost nonetheless). What was more interesting were the tactics espoused by Savoy and his band of dating boot camp instructors. Apparently, it's all about preparation.

They prep you for everything, including, but not limited to: how to position yourself at a bar to make it look like girls are hitting on you, and not vice versa (stand against the wall); how to meet girls in a club ("Approach a girl and ask, in a loud voice, 'On a scale of one to 10, how much fun are we having?' If she says eight, take her by the hand and twirl her. Then say, 'Now you're at a 10!'"); how to meet girls at the airport ("Fly Southwest—the open seating is great for sitting next to a hot girl"); how to "isolate" a girl and move her around the room to strengthen "trust"; how to plant the seeds of sex in her mind early in conversation; how to make friends with her guy friends so they don't punch you in the face; and even how to snag a threesome ("It's important to elevate intimacy with each girl in sync. Also, alcohol helps").

I mean, isn't a lot of that common sense, repackaged with cute catchphrases? I guess in some ways, this is a more manly, uber-expensive form of a self-help book. I know perusing the self-help aisle is not exactly at Schwarzeneggerian levels of masculinity, but it's still less embarrassing than telling your friends you shelled out 3K to get advice from someone named Savoy.

Pay For Play [Radar]

Earlier: Intrepid New York Reporter Hits On Moddels, Fails Hilariously
'The Pick Up Artist': Extreme Makeover Edition

Fujita has written three self-help books for unpopular guys, and though he declines to reveal details of his technique, it does include flaming wallets, talking ferrets and animated algae balls. Unlike Mystery, Fujita doesn't seem to employ "negging" or insults, but he does use pop psychology: a deck of "psychoanalytic" cards help him determine what kind of girl he has picked up.

On one hand, Fujita seems to be making an impact on otherwise hopeless men; Hachioji Robocop (?!), 27, says, "Since joining Mr. Fujita's school, I have had five successful relationships. I lost my virginity six months into the course, and now I can now communicate with women. I'm very grateful." On the other hand, is it okay to teach guys to be deceitful and shystery with ladies? Even if, without said shady skills, they may never get laid? And looking at these bewigged and bespectacled dudes, don't they just reek of desperation?

Inside the Bizarre World of Japanese Pickup Schools, Students of the Pickup School for Geeks Gallery [Wired]

Earlier: My Mid-Morning Conversation With VH1's "Mystery"
Why Insulting Women Works. Wait, You Mean It Works?
This Just In

French men will just give you The Eye, and Frenchwomen respond. "Frenchmen still know that an admiring look flatters a woman and gives them pleasure," explains an editor named Christine. Australian guys tend to rely on booze; one guy explains, "If you're sitting there at a barbecue, and you've got a beer, a girl's drinking the exact same drink, well then you've got something in common just to start up with." Romantic!

As for American men, writer Chris Ayres claims there are three stages of seduction: "A conversation, a phone number, and then a date. Strategy, planning and execution." Cold and calculating, but sweet? No matter the country or method, why does this age-old topic (picking up women) refuse to die? Are men really so clueless? Is this why we have people like Mystery? Clearly men around the world are meeting women — we're not suffering from a population shortage. But how come they're all convinced they don't know what the hell to say? (Also, what's the worst line you've ever heard? Personally, I love when a guy just says, "Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn!" like I've literally stepped on his genitals.)

The Best Chat-Up Lines In The World [Times]
Earlier: My Mid-Morning Conversation With VH1's "Mystery"

After watching David Faustino get actual phone numbers with, for example, his identity concealed, his hands tied, and his mouth duct-taped, no guy should ever have to fear approaching a woman under normal circumstances again.

So instead of watching the interactions of two eighties TV stars and the desperate Los Angeles women who throw themselves at them, we'll be watching two guys who just happen to resemble long-forgotten eighties TV stars and the women who throw themselves at them, then try to rescind their overtures when they discover it's a case of "mistaken identity," who meanwhile have totally dated themselves on-camera by responding to guys who look like Bud Bundy and Parker Lewis? Did you think there was something that could be more painful than reality television? You clearly forgot about MySpace.

MySpace Teams Up With Neil Strauss [International Herald Tribune]

So um, this is Mystery?

I'm Mystery among friends, Eric among girlfriends.And my nieces call me uncle Butthead.

Have a lot of people called you today?

About fifteen people have called and hung up. I can tell culturally it's a lot of black people, and I'm getting the 212 area code, which is Chicago.

Where are you? 702 is a Vegas area code, right?

Well yes but I am currently in Los Angeles. I just got to Los Angeles last night. I'm in my empty new apartment right now, I got in last night late, and I've got three pitch meetings for a new project today. I've got a pitch for a new project today at ten a.m.

I'm sure you'll succeed. You're very convincing. Although the guys on your show...

People out there need to reach people for good or for bad.

Do you ever come to New York? I have a friend who wants to date you.

My New York days are behind me. New york is just, too, um there's so much humanity and they're so blind and trapped by their lives and you see it all around ...Do you know that song "Bunch Of Water" by Live?

Live, like "I Alone" Live?

No, Live like "Lightning Crashes" Live. That guy is definitely a Rock God.

Totally. Who else do you revere as Rock Gods?

Well, Tool. Maynard ... there is definitely somehow transcendental some sort of message he is preaching

So...are you dating anyone? Or a lot of people?

You mean, do I have a special someone?

Or an unspecial someone, you know, I'm easy.

Well, I've put myself in an interesting position where I have a lot of opportunities. And there are some people on this planet are really truly we're spiritually connected to...

Okay, did you get laid last night?

Um, no. I did jerk off to lesbian porn at 4:30 in the morning though.

Oh, lesbian porn is my favorite. Sometimes I struggle with that. Like, does it make me gay?

All women are bisexual to some degree, it's a hard wire. Even my sixteen year old niece has a crush on....well, a female actress.

I'm worse than that, I have a crush on Samantha Ronson, and she's a dyke!

Who is that?

Oh, she's Lindsay Lohan's DJ best friend enabler big sister lover type. She's really really cute. Do you think you could de-gay her?

Any man can de-gay a girl when she realizes he's just a spirit and they're both spirits and it has nothing to do with the boy-girl dynamic thing.

But what about men? Men aren't all bisexual to some degree?

I'm still trying to figure things out; my brother's gay but at the same time, when I watch Borat or flip past a gay porn channel - because you know I'm from Toronto and they're very liberal about pornography there, there are ten porn channels - I can't help but feel my nose crinkle and say "that's gross."

Why do you think Scott Baio is 45 and single?

Well let's see, I have a thought about that. It's sort of the same thing as if I were to see Bea Arthur of the Golden Girls have sex. Why would I want to watch someone who has already gone through menopause.. go through that? It's biology. I'm evolutionally calibrated to not find that attractive. Why would I pursue something that it's not attractive to me?

(And I have no idea if there was a segue into this next thought)

One of the things I find myself enjoying is licking a girl's ass. I feel like I'm owned by her, and simultaneously owning her in a weird way, and it's a weird symbolism when you watch two girls do it and nothing gets me harder. I can be an intellectual, but I'm bound by the human condition. It also appears that millions and millions of human beings feel the same way. Just type in "ass licking" on Google and see what you'll find.

Oh no. I've actually had my SafeSearch on ever since I Google image searched the words "period sex." Big mistake.

I've had sex with a girl on her period, it's not disgusting. It's not a fetish or anything. Even ass licking isn't a fetish, it's spiritual. Most guys are not fetishists. They're needy for sex, but really what you're trying to do is feel a sensational experience with someone. That's what this whole pick-up thing has been about. It's not about trying to pick up a girl so you can get laid. It's about building trust in someone, whether it's a sushi meal or an orgasm, at the same time life is just about experience.

Right, I mean, I totally agree. But the guys on your show...

The guys on my show are all on the path.

So when did you lose your virginity?

When I was twenty-one.

So like, when you were in college?

No, I didn't go to college, in fact I quit high school in grade ten, and then went back, and I have a half-credit to go before finishing grade twelve. I'm one of those people who recognizes the responsibility of education lies in the student, not the teacher, and over the years I have studied a myriad of subjects, from cosmology to astrophysics to microbiology and chemistry. I didn't get to be a millionaire by not educating myself.

But so you, like, never took the SAT.

I'm Canadian so no. Talking to you is fun. You speak with a lot of clarity.

I'm really hungover.

What's your name?

Moe. Well, Moe among friends, "Maureen" usually to boyfriends and dudes who aren't comfortable with the idea of fucking a "Moe." What are you wearing?

Well I'm putting on jeans, and new shoes I got yesterday at the Fashion Show Mall, where I was recognized by at least fifteen people. I get recognized easily now, and everyone is just so positive. There's so much positive energy. Oh hold on a second, Matador is here. Here's Matador.

M: Who is this?

I'm Moe.

M: Wait, here, talk to Chris.

C: Hey, who is this?

Moe. I was just talking to Mystery.

C: How do you know these guys?

Um, we just have a shared interest in cosmology I guess. Did you get laid last night?

C: Me, no. My girlfriend's on her period.

Oh my god, me too! We're synched already. Mystery has no problem having sex with a girl who's on the rag, do you?

C: No I don't mind, it's just like, blowjob week.

So it must be pretty exciting being friends with Mystery!

C: Oh yeah. I mean, you could take a retarded monkey boy and put him on TV and he would get laid, but with Mystery, there's the double impact of, like, Mystery, and now he's on TV.

It's sort of like this thing I read about in Cosmo, where you have clitoral orgasm and a G-Spot orgasm at the same exact time.

C: And it's all spongy and filled with blood ... yeah, just like that! To Mystery:Hey man, why don't you smoke on the balcony? You pay thousands of dollars for a nice place and then smoke a cigarette?No longer to Mystery: So who are you, are you hot?

Um, not right now. I fix up okay. But "hot" isn't, like, my selling point. I'm more of a "fun" type person. Like, I am really hungover right now, and probably not looking so good, but it's because I was "fun" last night. Anyway I'm not sure why I'm telling you this. What neighborhood of LA are you in?

C: West Hollywood.

Does Mystery ever talk about his favorite books to you?

C: Hey man, what's your favorite book? Carl Sagan's Demon Haunted. Carl Sagan. You heard it here first...okay, here's Eric.

So wait, hold on, another of you is calling.

Who was it?

It was another African American voice. I could tell just from the laughing. I can even tell if someone is from Northern or Southern England, right away. I'm kind of like doctor Doolittle in that way. I can tell from just the smallest bit of laughter where people are from.

Where do you think I'm from?

Well, the 646 is a Toronto cell phone prefix.

Um, but I'm in New York.

C: No man, 646 is a New York number.

But I'm actually from Washington, D.C.

Oh, I've done a boot camp in Washington D.C. There's.. just not a lot of beauty there. I don't want to do boot camps there anymore.

But the girls there are smarter than girls anywhere else.

Oh, I'd definitely agree.

Okay, you need to pitch your television shows, and I am going to send you lots of positive energy although you don't need it because you are going to be amazing, but can I call you again maybe to talk about life and stuff?

Sure!