Also, I say do what you want. When I got married a few months ago, I wore a short black dress to the clerk's office and he wore a suit, we did the ceremony and had a photo taken, then we went home and, um, celebrated, and then went out for sushi. Best wedding ever!

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Weddings should be FUN. It's the family members that make it unbearable. There comes a point when the couple has to take a stand and tell family members to fuck off. Yes, we still get grief over the way we did things and wouldn't have it any other way.

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Mr. G and I went to the courthouse. We picked band rings, took a day off work and just went. The day before I found a great simple suit and cut my hair, like REALLY short because it went with the suit. In the middle of the haircut I mentioned to the stylist that I was getting married tomorrow. After that her hands shook so much she couldn't finish the cut and her colleague had to do it! That still cracks me up. I didn't take a gaggle of girlfriends with me to shop for the suit. I went myself and had a great time doing low-key, girlie stuff. By myself.

Afterwards we invited a few relatives over for carrot cake I made the day before. We do have a wedding picture, which is an enlarged photo the JP took of us after it was official.

It was the best time ever. The only costs involved was $20 for the license & wedding, the suit and haircut, 2 simple band rings and the ingredients for a carrot cake with cream cheese icing.

Do it your way, whenever you feel like doing it. A wedding is about the commitment and your relationship, not the party and trappings. U R doin' it right. And have that whale cake if you want!

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Second: Elopement is the way to go. I highly recommend the Deputy Borough Clerk at the Brooklyn Municipal Building. She's a cut-up.

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Granted, I can't even get married in most states what with having teh gay and all. /sarcasm.

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But congratulations, how exciting to take a new step in your relationship with your fiance, who is clearly besotted with you.

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Heh. I was a "wedding person" once. As soon as I said yes, I was off planning. It was far simpler than facing the reality that I wasn't in love with my betrothed and scared to death to being connected to someone whom I could barely tolerate for.EVER!!

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When I got married, I was like you--at first. I wanted to go to the justice of the peace, call it a thing and be done. HE wanted the wedding, talked me into it, big presentation of a ring at a restaurant, etc. But the Wedding Industrial Complex, it's a insidious beast. By the time our "date" rolled around 18 months later, I no longer though it odd that we were spending 10k we didn't have, and I found myself having long intense conversations over things like "table centerpieces." In short, I had become one of them. It was about the wedding, and not about the marriage.

I was divorced three years later.

My best friend is getting married next Fall, and I'm watching the same slow process come over her. Last week she called in a panic--she'd been talking to vendors for the last two weeks, who are all part of the W.I.C., and they were quoting the scripture, the day is about you and you are your dress and your bridesmaids are based on your dress, and your color scheme is based on what they wear, so how can we possibly discuss flowers if you have no dress yet? Suddenly my sane, sensible best friend was freaking out we had to start shopping NOW! NOW! NOW! This was followed by an email with 6 links of shoes that all looked exactly alike, and a two page email talking about (what else) table centerpieces. I love her dearly, but the W.I.C. has gotten her. And if you're not careful, they'll get you too.

I applause your fighting spirit against it. May it hold you through.

And, if i forgot to say it, congratulations.

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And also, you rule. I am 100% with you.

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The first time I got married we set a date right away for 10 months later, and even though we kept it to 100 people (he has a HUGE family) it was a traditional wedding and reception, and those 10 months were ALOT of work. I did almost all of it. By the time we were married we had been together a grand total of two years. On my wedding day, I was unbelievably frightened. Because I realized I had put way more thought into the DAY than what was to follow. We divorced after five years.

The second time, we waited for almost a year before setting a date (his deceased brother's birthday, which conveniently fell on the Sunday before the Columbus Day holiday -- the same day I married my first husband! At least the date itself is different). We took about a year to plan it and we did all of it (minus dress shopping) together. We had 50 people, a Jazz duo, and a CD we mixed ourselves. I wore a pale blue, slightly below the knee bride's maid dress and a custom-made birdcage veil ($90 online). We had a JOP, family, very close friends. It was a catered buffet with wine, beer and soft drinks. We thought of it as a dinner dance and it was a lovely, low-key time. We had already been together for five years and I knew I wanted to marry him before he proposed.

Moral of the story: A wedding is ONE DAY. Be elaborate, be simple, do whatever you want, don't drive yourself crazy and PLEASE, make certain you are planning for more than a party, because you are: marriage.

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