Pippi Longstocking Memorial Award for Excellence in Braiding.


Lifetime Achievement Award


The Creationist Award for Excellence in Literalism


The Edgard Allen Poe Memorial Award


The Gamfield Award in Chimney Sweeping Possibilities


The Frank Lloyd Wright Award for Excellence in Form and Function


The Martha Stewart Award for Excellence in Ribbon-Curling.


The Alice Waters Award in Locavore Excellence


The Ray Krok Convenience in Snacking Award


The Pulitzer Award for Hard-Hitting Timeliness in Chapeaux


The Obligatory Award For All Royal Cousins in a Position to Introduce People to Princes, Even If That's Not as Exciting as That Used to Be Award


The Clark Kent Award fro Excellence in Crappy Disguises


The Inbred Talent for Looking Natural in Top Hat Award


The Henry Higgins' Mother Award for Wearing a Pink Hat to Ascot.

[Images via Getty]

• "Life poet" Joaquin Phoenix on his rap career:

"I want it to be big. Not big like popular. I want it to really try and be, for me, the culmination of my life thus far. I realize it's going to be for public consumption, so there are songs that are about - there are dance songs. Most of it, I think, is an internal exploration." Like a rectal exam? [USA Today]

• James Gray, the director of Joaquin's latest film, Two Lovers, says of JP's hip-hop thing: "If it's an act, it's the most committed act I've ever seen in my life. I mean, he built a studio [in his house]." ABC News]
• If you want to talk to Joaquin Phoenix, prepare to sign a release, because it's gonna be filmed for his documentary. [Gatecrasher]
• A Friday gift: Video of Clive Owen, talking about The International. Why is the way he says "shootout" so sexy? [WSJ]
• Madonna went on a date with Jesus Luz in New York last night; they dined at a steakhouse and talked about Kabbalah. [Daily Mail]
• Before "baby" Jesus left Brazil to hang out with her Madgesty, he had two different girlfriends. [Page Six]
• Nicole Kidman has donated £230,000 to help victims of the Australian bushfires. She says: "As Australians, I think the biggest thing is that, no matter where you are in the world, we support each other and we rally." [The Sun]
• This report says that teen fashion designer Kira Plastinina may have been the cause of the Chris Brown/Rihanna fight. [Extra]
• Chris Brown has left Las Vegas and is on his way to meet his mom; she lives in Virginia but it's unclear if he is headed there or if they are meeting somewhere else. [E!]
• Reports persist that Chris and Rihanna's right started with a text from another woman; Leona Lewis, Paris Hilton and Keisha Chanté were all suspected of flirting with Chris, but all deny it. [E!]
• Roger Friedman from Fox seems to think Paris Hilton is involved. [Fox 411]
• When Rihanna wore an eyepatch in concert last year, was it because Chris Brown had injured her eye? [The Sun]
• Chris Brown is seeking a "crisis-management expert." [EW]
• Oh no: Details of how the surgery of Tameka Foster Raymond — Usher's wife — went terribly wrong: She went to Brazil to get lipo and right after she went under general anesthesia, she suffered cardiac arrest. Of course, Usher's rep issued a statement on February 8 which read: "Tameka Raymond is in stable condition after suffering complications from routine surgery in Brazil." Bold ours, obviously. This may be a case of surgery too soon after childbirth: Their second son is two months old. [People]
• Speaking of surgery, a doctor who does not treat him says Michael Jackson's nose "will collapse" after a staph infection he may have contracted after a nose job. [The Sun]
• Grey's Anatomy creator Shonda Rhimes heard that T.R. Knight and Katherine Heigl were leaving Grey's Anatomy and says: "That was a very interesting rumor. And it's not true." [People]
• Boooo: Victoria Beckham was considered to be a judge on American Idol, but she was too busy. Wouldn't you love to see Posh take on the wacky kids? [Mirror]
• Dina Lohan owes $11,485.74 in taxes on her Long Island home, and today is the deadline to pay. [TMZ]
• Oscar-nominated film-maker Stephen Daldry is pondering a remake of My Fair Lady, with Keira Knightley as Eliza Doolittle. Asks this reporter, Wouldn't it be luvverly? [Daily Mail]
• Who will score an interview with post-bong-pic Michael Phelps? [Page Six]
• Even though Hugh Grant is supposed to be with Jemima Khan, he was seen making out with two women in New York Tuesday night. [Gatecrasher]
• Monday night, Hugh Grant made out with Drew Barrymore. [Page Six]
• Sienna Miller is ShoWest 2009's supporting actress of the year. This summer she'll be in the giant GI Joe flick. [Hollywood Reporter]
• News you can't use: Kimora Lee Simmons prepared for Valentine's Day by getting her armpit hair lasered off. [Page Six]
• Eminem's new track, "Crack A Bottle," featuring Dr. Dre and 50 Cent, set a new first-week record for download sales. [Reuters]
• What is going on over at Desperate Housewives? Eva Longoria and Teri Hatcher are going to kiss in an upcoming episode? Sounds like a desperate reach for ratings. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Did anyone know that Jennifer Hudson's fiancé is training with hopes to be a WWE wrestler? [Perez]
• Mira Sorvino is pregnant with baby number 3. [ET]
• Did Michael Stipe and his entourage once visit Mario Batali's restaurant after the kitchen was closed and keep the place open, ringing up a tab of $5,000? And then not tip or say thank you?!?!?! [Perez]
• Some dude bought a Blackberry on eBay and it had phone numbers for Jude Law, Natalie Portman and Kevin Spacey programmed into it, among others. [Telegraph]
• Kevin Costner's wife Christine gave birth to a baby boy, Hayes Logan Costner, on Thursday night. They have another son named Cayden who is almost 2. [ET]
• Living legend Jane Birkin has a new album, and she wrote all of the songs herself. You may know her as Serge Gainsbourg's love interest, as Charlotte Gainsbourg's mom, or as the inspiration for the Birkin bag. [Dazed Digital]
• The band Yes has canceled concert dates due to "unforeseen" medical reasons. [AP]
• Blind item: "Which disturbed loser is more of a cad than we thought? He's spilling the beans about his former flame's kinky sex habits to anyone who'll listen." [Gatecrasher]
• "[I wanted] to be named New York senator. I can't believe Paterson didn't ask. I even had a slogan: 'Make the switch, vote for the bitch.'" — Joy Behar. [Gatecrasher]
• "I realized partying is not what I am anymore." — Tara Reid, on her new sober life. [Daily Express]
• "I adored him, and I felt adored by him... he said to be a good parent, you never say no." — Emily Mortimer, on her father, who died in January. He was an author and created of a popular UK TV series. [Daily Mail]
• "It's one of those vampire movies. It's very funny. It's me with the beard." — Salma Hayek on her facial hair in her new flick, Cirque du Freak. [USA Today]
• "Toward the end of the shoot, he kept saying 'Oh I'm so tired, I'm so tired.' You hear that kind of thing and you think it's a joke. I just ignored it. I drove up to his house because his phone was disconnected. He said, 'I don't want to act anymore, I've been doing it for 30 years and if you did something for 30 years, you'd want to quit too.' That rap thing ... in the movie actually comes from something I played for him. I had an obsession with doing that sort of thing as a teenager. ... It turns out that Joaquin is imitating me in a lot of the movie. He said, 'I want to do that, I want to steal from that, I want to do the rap that you used to do.' I said, 'OK.' And now I'm seeing him do this thing, and I feel like I've ruined Joaquin Phoenix for the world. I don't want to be the guy that destroyed Joaquin Phoenix's acting career." — James Gray, the director of Two Lovers. [ABC News]
• "You drop some weight just by running after them." — Naomi Watts on her "body after baby." [People]
• "I'm 43 years old and I haven't ever really had a good relationship." — Moby. [NY Mag]
• "Seal always puts a smile on my face. We make each other laugh all the time. Laughing is good. I understand that life is not always just a smile all the time. But when you're facing problems, it doesn't make it better if you're kind of miserable. I always try to have a positive feeling. Every morning when I get up, I'm happy to be here. Even when I'm tired because the kids have been crying in the night, they come in and want mama and crawl into my bed. They look at you and they have that smile on their faces and life is good." — Heidi Klum. [The Star]
• "The pageantry of getting your hair curled and then all these beautiful clothes put on you — it was totally different. It was an escape. In Hollywood, you feel a responsibility to look less disheveled than you are. But I'm a mom and I'm not good at putting time into prepping. I tell my girlfriends — imagine if all the time you put into waxing and primping, you took all of that energy and put it into something useful." — Isla Fisher, on getting styled for Confessions Of A Shopaholic. [WSJ]

For The Steps:
Albertus Swanepoel, 2008 Fashion Fund Winner, says"I actually believe she should wear a pillbox—the new era of Camelot!" We say: a tad literal, no?


Karl Lagerfeld's suit is way cuter than his gown. And there's something to be said for classic Chanel...


Doo-Ri Chung, 2006's Fashion Fund Winner, says, "The inauguration will be a historic occasion, so I wanted the dress to be something in her comfort zone. I stayed with the tailored, fitted silhouette that she prefers but used a print that I felt was celebratory." We say: srsly? We've seen rocks that felt more celebratory.



May We Suggest...?


Grace Kelly's look from High Society is both chic and whimsical!













For The Ball:


The Good:
How gorgeous is this ethereal Rodarte?


Loving Marc Jacobs' Poiret-esque drape.


Yeah, Peter Som's hitting us over the head with "Jackie O," but still...


This Diane von Furstenberg is lovely. Downside: we really don't want to see Whitney Port at the Inaugural Ball, and you know she'd "need" to be there.


Derek Lam's "nile green crepe" is one of our faves of the bunch: the simple lines and unconventional hue would feel fresh but classic, and he'd still be a fun and surprising choice.



The Bad:
Georgina Chapman and Keren Craig of Marchesa say, "For the ball Michelle should wear this ivory one-shoulder silk crepe column with draped overlay and crystal hand-embroidered bodice." We say: Dynasty much?


We know Barack loves Lincoln, but Zac Posen's Mary Todd is a bit much!


Alexander Wang says: "It's sexy but sophisticated…business in the front, party in the back. It is the inauguration ball!"
We say: Maybe that's why you might want to wear something slightly more fun than a friggin' LBD?!


We dig the drama of Monique Lhuillier's gown, but red? Really? It just feels so...First Lady!


The Not Happening:
The Vena Cava designers, Sophie Buhai and Lisa Mayock, would like to see Michelle rock "this floor-length gown made out of silk and polyester twill in one of our signature prints." We say: with all due respect, we don't think the country's ready for quite that much change.


All the Lacroix sketches are totally absurd, like he knows there's no way she's going to choose them. Still, imagine how impressed the French would be!


Maybe Betsey Johnson should just costume the whole capital, like it's a big George M. Cohan show!


May We Suggest:
If you want to channel 60s, it doesn't get better than Doris Day in Pillow Talk!


Hey, why not?

Michelle Obama: What Should She Wear? [WWD]
Runway to Change [Style.com]

• While everyone was busy focusing on the presidential debates, Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds got married. The ceremony took place Saturday night at a "remote wilderness resort" outside of Vancouver, Canada. The bride is 23, the groom is 31 and they have been dating since 2007. [Us Magazine, People]
• Heather Locklear was busted on suspicion of driving under the influence Saturday night in Santa Barbara, CA. Apparently a witness saw her driving erratically while leaving a parking lot. This report says: The witness said Locklear was revving her engine loudly, and backed over a pair of sunglasses several times." Cops found Heather by the side of the highway "disoriented and impaired." Prescription drugs appear to be the blame; Heather just left a treatment facility for anxiety and depression 2 months ago. She looks rather stunned in her mug shot. [People, TMZ, ET]
• Heath Ledger left behind at least $145,000 in assets and cash — but maybe as much as $20 million in the estate — and Heath's father has announced that every penny will go to Matilda. [News.com.au]
• The company that wrote Heath Ledger's $10 million life insurance policy is being sued after claiming the actor's death might have been a suicide, even though officials concluded it was accidental. If it was suicide, the company won't have to pay. [TMZ]
• Jermaine Dupri partied so hard on his 36th birthday that he vomited in Janet Jackson's lap. [Page Six]

• Paul Newman made plans to continue to be charitable after his death. One hundred percent of the profits from his food company, Newman's Own, continue to benefit camps for children with life-threatening illnesses and thousands of other charities. [Yahoo News]
• Barbra Streisand on Sarah Palin: "When you run for the second highest office in the land, you better be ready to answer questions from the press and the American people. […] This reminds me of the movie business...when the studio knows it has a dud on its hands, they ban reviewers from seeing it beforehand." [Campaign Silo]
• Amy Winehouse's friends have her on 24-hour surveillance because she is "in a very fragile state at the moment." [The Sun]
• Amy smacked someone in the face for no reason last Thursday, not that anyone is surprised. [TMZ]
• Did Amy's bodyguard hit a paparazzo with his car? [Daily Express]
• "Look where I am now. Look what happened to my dreams. This isn’t a life – I’m a mess, look at me. What life do I have? My life begins when Blake gets out of prison. He is my life, I want to see him." — Amy Winehouse. [Mirror]
• Could former drug addict Russell Brand mentor Amy? [Daily Mail]
• Victoria "Posh Spice" Beckham on her kids: "They are getting American accents. I think it’s really cute." [The Sun]
• Please to be looking at these "kinky boots" Posh wore: wet-look pleather with no heel. [The Sun]
• The Galaxy is called Major League Soccer's richest club, thanks to David Beckham. [Daily Express]
• Cammy Diaz's boyfriend Paul Sculfor stopped doing coke when his hair started falling out. He says: "I'm lucky it grew back. I'm not vain but I'm obsessed with my hair." [Mirror]
• Mel "Scary Spice" B will get somewhere in the six figures for "artistic yet revealing photos" for Playboy. Chances that the magazine cover line will be "Zigazig-ah!": High. [Mirror]
• You know Amy Adams of Junebug and Enchanted? Her mom works at Starbucks. "I was like, 'Mom, you cannot tell everybody who comes in to get a latte that your daughter is an Oscar nominee." [Page Six]
• A while back, Kate Moss drew a self-portrait in lipstick; Pete Doherty wrote, "Who needs blood when you've got lipstick?" on the canvas; Saturday it was purchased for £33,600 at auction by a "mystery buyer." [BBC News]
• Jack Osbourne and his mom Sharon witnessed a dude steal a woman's purse; Jack chased the guy and tackled him, restraining him until cops arrived. "I could see the girl was in trouble; it just felt like the natural thing to do. I'm glad it turned out OK," Jack says. Get the man a cape! [UPI]
• Chris Brown and Rihanna hit Kentucky Fried Chicken and Ri's shoes are pretty intense for a fast food outing. [The.Life Files]
• Don't use your BlackBerry at the table when Countess Luann de Lesseps is in the area; she will school you. And if you're Asian, she'll tell you that European men "adore Asian females because of their submissiveness. So work that to your advantage." [Page Six]
• Kylie Minogue is set to perform at the opening of the Atlantis Hotel in Dubai in November, but the terror threat level is high for the event. [News.com.au]
• A Kylie musical??? [The Sun]
• Dennis Quaid is pissed that Meg Ryan's been blabbing about their their past. "It was eight years ago, and I find it unbelievable that Meg continues publicly to rehash and rewrite the story of our relationship," he says. [Rush & Molloy]
• Have you seen that Kid Rock/Dale Earnhardt Jr. commercial for the National Guard? You will want to harm yourself or others. [Jossip]
• A remake of My Fair Lady will star Keira Knightley and either George Clooney or Brad Pitt. The two friends are battling for the role of Henry Higgins, each offering to take a pay cut. Who do you think should play the professor? [Daily Express]
• Ricky Gervais is not necessarily going to host the Oscars. The producers haven't made any decisions yet. [Daily Express]
• Kristin Scott Thomas makes films in English and in French. "So far there hasn’t been much crossover between the French-language career and the English one, but maybe it will happen this time," she says. Her film I've Loved You So Long opens October 24. [NY Times]
• Sure, she battled heart disease before going to Dancing With The Stars, but Toni Braxton is a surivor, not a victim. Get it right. [TMZ]
• Kathy Griffin is suing the cybersquatters who own KathyGriffin.com. Only Kathy makes fun of Kathy! [Perez Hilton]
• Grammy-winning R&B singer Kenneth "Babyface" Edmonds and his girlfriend Nicole Pantenburg have welcomed their first child together. [People]
• Tina Turner's concert tour starts October 1 in Kansas City, MO. "I've been away from America — home — for at least a good 12 years. I have some memories of certain towns and when we started to think about where to start… Kansas City and St. Louis were areas I played a lot, a lot, when I was here." She also says: "I think the costumes are fantastic." [UPI]
• A Sean John employee got his hands on Pharrell Williams' e-mail address somehow and contacted him repeatedly; the "situation" was "handled internally." [Page Six]
• Jeremy Piven: Seen swigging booze out of a tiny bottle during the Emmys. [Page Six]
• Blind items: "Which fame-hungry 'social' spends so much time stuffing cocaine up her nose, her hangers-on have taken to calling her 'Coco Puff?' Which designer daughter and her husband are stirring the pot on both coasts? She had tongues wagging in LA over her scary skinny bod, while her other half was recently kicked out of a Hamptons hot spot for slugging another guy." [Page Six]
• Little Britain: The Movie? [Mirror]
• Rolling Stone Ronnie Wood faces £50million divorce pay-out after he is pictured on intimate date with Russian lover, 20. [Daily Mail]
• Clark Gable almost walked off the set of Gone With The Wind because of rampant racism. [Page Six]
• Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band will perform at this year's Super Bowl halftime show in Tampa, FL. [CNN]
• "Contrary to a spate of recent reports, Robert Plant will not be touring or recording with Led Zeppelin. Anyone buying tickets online to any such event will be buying bogus tickets." — A statement from Robert Plant. [BBC News]
• "You sit there and say, Who am I selling this movie to? Who’s the audience? And the answer is, No one." — A Hollywood insider on Tom Cruise's new flick, Valkyrie. [Fox 411]
• "There was something about him. There was definitely this sensation that we already knew each other, we just had to get better acquainted. It was very intense very early on and we were very much attracted to each other." — Bob Dylan's former long-term girlfriend, Suze Rotolo, who is on the cover of his breakthrough album Freewheelin’ Bob Dylan. [Daily Express]
• "Everybody’s like, 'Oh, we’ve been waiting for this album forever.' But no one has waited longer than me. I’ve been waiting since I was 7 years old." — Jennifer Hudson, whose self-titled debut drops tomorrow. [NY Times]
• "My heart just feels a little bit different, softer and somehow more in love. I don't know how. But it just feels really romantic and lovely." — Ellen DeGeneres on married life. [People]
• "It’s fun, it’s not meant to be taken so seriously, it’s cheeky, and let’s face it, we’re living in a world right now where the economy has gone into hell in a hand basket, our environment is in a lot of trouble, and the world is just not a great place, we’re still at war. If I can throw some humor out of speaking in third person, it’s really not that serious, and I think we have a lot bigger issues in this world to worry about than what tense I’m speaking in." — Project Runway's Suede. [NY Mag]