You might not love her music, or her antics, or her performance art, or her self-aggrandizing soundbytes, or even her manipulation of the spotlight. You might have no patience for the Britney-Warhol-glam-rock shenanigans or the Kabuki sendups or the blood or the accent. You can argue, as many have, that she's not doing anything others haven't done before her. You might just not give a damn about the latest pop-culture phenomenon. Well and good. But never let it be said that those who embrace Lady Gaga have no good cause. Even leaving aside the acoustic performances that sunk a thousand skeptics or the sunglass-free interview that won over Lindsay, take a few quotes from this L.A. Times profile:

"I'm getting the sense that you're a little bit of a feminist, like I am, which is good," she said. "I find that men get away with saying a lot in this business, and that women get away with saying very little . . . In my opinion, women need and want someone to look up to that they feel have the full sense of who they are, and says, 'I'm great.' " Gaga's casual use of the term "feminist" was interesting; like many female pop stars, she's rejected the term in the past. But she's evolving. She is growing "more compassionate," she says, and focusing more on ideas of community, especially the one formed by her core fan base, a mix of gay men, bohemian kids and young women attracted by Gaga's style and her singable melodies.

Or this:

Her new songs address serious themes like women's shame about their bodies and the need for open communication in relationships; her often physically distorting costumes show that the pursuit of the feminine ideal is far from natural. Her commitment to confront the changing notion of what's "natural" puts Gaga on the same road traveled by artists she admires, such as the photographer Cindy Sherman. Her frank talk about how female artists aren't expected to write their own songs or about how young women are afraid to ask for what they need from their sexual partners inches her toward a new articulation of feminism.

Or this:

"Celebrity life and media culture are probably the most overbearing pop-cultural conditions that we as young people have to deal with, because it forces us to judge ourselves...I guess what I am trying to do is take the monster and turn the monster into a fairy tale."

It's a mistake, and silly, to ascribe to a 23-year-old pop singer with a two-year-old career the qualities of visionary or icon, or even give her shtick too much analysis. She's going to do - and probably say - many ridiculous things before she's through. But taken as a celebrity with a lot of influence, she's already using it for a lot more good - and speaking more plainly - than many stars twice her age. She's embraced the f-word, only a few months after rejecting it, and that's a powerful statement in itself. There are far worse people we could love, is all I'm saying, and no one should need to justify that anymore.

Frank Talk With Lady Gaga [LA Times]
Lady GaGa - Poker Face (Acoustic Live @ AOL Sessions)[YouTube]

Earlier: Most Fascinating People: Lady GaGa "Devoted To Art", Michelle Obama Watches Mindless TV

The buzz surrounding the movie has been building for months. Not only is this the first hand-drawn Disney movie in five years, it's also the debut of the entertainment behemoth's very first African-American heroine. Long before the movie hit theaters, there was already a good deal of criticism circulating, which centered on the possibility that P&F would feature some familiar and none-too-progressive stereotypes, including a potentially Mammy-ish character. Both Dodai and Latoya (writing for Racialicious) took on the task of exploring the potential for racism in the film, which is set in the 1920s in New Orleans, and includes a voodoo princess and a (sadly) light-skinned prince. Probably the most bothersome part is the fact that the two main characters - Tiana and Prince Naveen - spend a good portion of the movie as frogs. When Disney has waited this long to introduce a Black princess, couldn't they give her a little more screen time?

However, it seems that critics are, at least for the most part, still charmed by Tiana (feelings for Naveen are a little more divided). Unlike some of Disney's other princesses, Tiana (voiced by Anika Noni Rose) isn't a passive damsel in distress, relying on fairy godmothers and magical kisses to do all the hard work for her. Instead, she's a 19-year-old hardworking waitress, with dreams to own a restaurant of her own. Things are going well until she meets the racially-ambiguous Prince Naveen (Nip/Tuck's Bruno Campos), who comes from some fictional country and is looking for a wealthy southern gal to pay for his lavish lifestyle. A local voodoo-peddler turns Naveen into a frog, and through a complicated-sounding plot twist, convinces Tiana to kiss him. Since she's not a princess, she turns into a frog, and the two spend the rest of the film trying to figure out how to change back. Their frog-status allows them to get to know each other without looks playing a factor, which apparently helps ground the whole "skin-deep" message. However, race seems to play a very minor role - which is either fitting for a children's film, or a real shame, depending on who you ask. While it sounds like there are still some issues with the film (Naveen's one-dimensionality being a frequently mentioned problem), most critics enjoyed the music and magic. There is some disagreement as to whether it measures up to Aladdin or The Little Mermaid, but it sounds like The Princess and the Frog could become a Disney classic.

Salon

Fairy-tale princesses, especially those in the Disney pantheon, have always been a product of their times. Generations ago, it was enough for them to be hardworking and docile, to accept suffering with grace and fall into deep sleeps when the plot required it. It was revolutionary when "Beauty and the Beast's" Belle came along in 1991, with her love of books and her disdain for the handsomest guy in town. Tiana takes the princess role a step further — she's not just Disney's first African-American to wear the crown, she's the first one with a regular job. (Unless you count Mulan's gig as a warrior.) She also, like "Ratatouille's" Remy, makes the case for great food as a social leveler and the cornerstone of a good life. Tiana knows that food "brings people together" with more reliable results than even voodoo.

Time

Every Disney princess has to find two things: independence and love. Tiana, a culinary prodigy, dreams of turning an abandoned building into her own restaurant. Tiana entertains the attentions of the dashing playboy Naveen, but he's fallen under the spell of the black-magical Dr. Facilier (Keith David). The fateful kiss sends Tiana and Naveen, now frogs, into the bayou for refuge and retransformation. Among the Jungle Book-type denizens they meet there are Louis (Michael-Leon Wooley), a friendly, trumpet-playing alligator; Ray (Jim Cummings), a Cajun firefly; and the 197-year-old blind seer Mama Odie (Jenifer Lewis), among whose gifts may be the power to restore Tiana and Naveen to humanity.

And we're just short-listing the creatures that Musker and Clements toss into this savory gumbo. It's as if, in the dozen years since Hercules, their last comedy feature, the pair had stockpiled so many funny characters that a few drop in, get their laughs and are whisked off-stage. You'll be tickled by Charlotte (Breanna Brooke as a child, Jennifer Cody as an adult), the adorably addled rich girl whom Eudora babysits, and by her father Big Daddy La Bouff (John Goodman in full bluster mode), who certifies his connection to Tennessee Williams's riper alpha-males with a booming, "Hey, Stella!" In any animated comedy, the funny supporting figures threaten to overwhelm the leads; but Tiana has the class and grit, and Naveen the immature charm, to carry the story. Their cozying up while mincing mushroom for a bayou stew is one of the film's emotional highlights.

New York Post

The songs by Randy Newman — working in the jazz, blues, gospel, zydeco, Dixieland and Broadway idioms — are very catchy, belted out in style by a great voice cast. I especially liked Dr. Facilier's big spooky number "Friends on the Other Side" and Mama Odie's showstopper, "Dig a Little Deeper."

Overall, the film is not quite up to "Aladdin" and "The Little Mermaid" from the same directing team of Ron Clements and John Musker, not to mention the recent string of masterpieces from Pixar.

New York Times

The prince, disappointingly if not surprisingly, becomes not only Tiana's salvation but also that of the movie, largely by bringing some slapstick comedy and a touch of suspense into the proceedings, along with the expected romance. Though he catches Tiana's eye (and she his), Naveen is soon set upon by both Charlotte, who's angling for a match, and Dr. Facilier (a terrific Keith David), a villain who, as is true of many movies, easily steals the show. As thin as an exclamation mark and just as excited, Dr. Facilier wears spats and a top hat emblazoned with a skull and bones. Long, inky shadows follow his every step, sprouting around him like dark thoughts, as in the bravura musical number "Friends on the Other Side."

LA Times

The filmmakers have brewed up a delicious roots story in every sense of the word. "The Princess and the Frog" is set in the 1920s jazz age in the New Orleans heart of it all.It's the studio's return to the lush, fluid beauty of hand-drawn animation. It's an old-fashioned fairy tale, even though they've had some fun with the story. And it's set to music in the grand tradition of "Beauty and the Beast," which is to say the neoclassic '90s brand of Disney animation.

That might make "The Princess and the Frog" seem like a creature of ancient times, particularly since kids these days are raised on 3-D flash. The effect, though, is the opposite. After being bombarded by so much computer-generated, motion-captured high-and-higher jinks, the film feels fresh — a discovery, or a rediscovery, depending on your age.

MSNBC

"Princess and the Frog" mostly ignores the racial divides of the times. Tiana's a poor black girl, her best friend's a rich, spoiled white girl. How often did that happen in 1920s New Orleans?

But this isn't "Roots," it's a Disney family affair. In her favor, Tiana joins a list of ethnically diverse Disney heroines - Pocahantas, Mulan, Lilo - that show how far things have come from the days when a pasty-faced princess hung out with seven little white dudes.

Variety

Unlike most tales of its type, in which the heroine spends the whole movie in pursuit of Prince Charming, "The Princess and the Frog" follows the modern romantic-comedy template, granting its amphibious duo plenty of shared screen time and making them polar opposites — he's cocky and lazy, she's uptight and bossy — who initially can't stand each other... All of this is delivered in the usual riotous explosion of color and song. From the mansions of the city's upscale Garden District and the cast-iron balcony railings of the French Quarter, New Orleans clearly offered the animators no shortage of visual inspiration and architectural variety.

New York Daily News

Part of the problem with "P&F" is that Tiana and Naveen's connection feels superficial. Plus, unlike some of his modern princess-courting brethren - the Beast, Aladdin, even John Smith in "Pocahontas" - Naveen's inner change from shallow to decent seems as perfunctory as his physical one from man to amphibian.

Other elements work better, including the jazz-age setting and Randy Newman's zydeco-tinged music. And while Dr. Facilier's scary shadow monsters may be too intense for young kids, they're effective nightmare-makers in the classic Disney tradition.

Village Voice

They say it ain't easy bein' green, but it's certainly a hell of a lot easier than being black. So writer-directors Ron Clements and John Musker (whose 1992 Aladdin proffered a sinister, ear-cutting Middle East) send newly anthropomorphic Tiana and Naveen hopping off into the bayou rather than continuing to dodge ol' Jim Crow on the streets of the Big Easy. There, Princess's rampant a-historicism gives way to a veritable Mardi Gras parade of risible stereotypes: an Acadian firefly with the most exaggerated Cajun dialect this side of celebrity chef Justin Wilson, I gua-ran-tee; a 197-year-old voodoo priestess named Mama Odie; and, lest no Deep South caricature remain unturned, a trio of toothless hillbillies.

USA Today

The movie captures the traditional Disney aesthetic, with some up-to-date spins. Tiana is African-American, while Naveen's ethnic origins are less evident. The film embraces diversity in a natural way. The film's ethos is summed up by voodoo priestess Mama Odie (Jenifer Lewis) in her native patois: "Only thing important is what's under the skin."

Where Pinocchio was about wishing on a star, The Princess and the Frog emphasizes backing up wishes with hard work. That proviso is a thoughtful message for young moviegoers.

The Star-Ledger

So Disney has, naturally, been nervous, wanting to serve a broader audience but knowing that no good deed goes unpunished - or, at least, goes without being heavily, politically analyzed.

"The Princess and the Frog" will be, too - and there are things here to annoy all sorts of people. The white characters are all, at best, buffoons; rural whites are portrayed as vicious and deformed; and even in the depths of the bayou, every African-American character has "good" hair.

Entertainment Weekly

But while little kids laugh at the froggy humor (summed up in the excellent, repeated punchline ''that's not slime you are secreting - it's mucus!''), the firefly antics, and the cute sight of a fat alligator wailing on his trumpet like Louis Armstrong, adult viewers are rewarded with something more moving - a Proustian remembrance of the durable 
 power of Disney at its old-school best. The filmmakers trust in story over special effects, and character over celebrity voices (there are almost none here, save for a brief cameo by queen-of-all-she-surveys Oprah Winfrey as Tiana's saintly mother, Eudora). They steep the movie in colloquial American culture. They offer a sophisticated musical experience (ragtime, zydeco, gospel, Tin Pan Alley) 
 accessible even to the youngest ears. And in doing so, the creative team behind The Princess and the Frog upholds the great tradition of classic Disney animation.

As some have pointed out, the song itself kind of sucks. My main problem with it is that it's boring — I found it tedious to listen multiple times in order to decipher the lyrics. When I did — with help from Alyssa Rosenberg and Just Jared, I was a little disturbed.

The song basically describes a woman playing Russian roulette with a man who's apparently an old hand at the game and eggs her on. Rihanna sings,

And you can see my heart beating
You can see it through my chest
And I'm terrified but I'm not leaving
Know that I must pass this test
So just pull the trigger

Say a prayer to yourself
He says close your eyes
Sometimes it helps
And then I get a scary thought
That he's here means he's never lost

Another creepy couplet goes like this:

So many won't get the chance to say goodbye
But it's too late too pick up the value of my life

Rosenberg was just as creeped out as I was, if not more so. She writes, "the lyrics literally are about the singer undervaluing her own life, and treating the terror she's experiencing as a test she has to pass, presumably to win the love of the guy she's playing with." She adds,

I do understand that it's extremely difficult to leave an abusive relationship, and I respect that. But I thought it would have been terrific for someone to overcome such a relationship in public. Instead, Rihanna is using a song about embracing being terrorized as her comeback single.

I agree that this doesn't seem like the best choice for Rihanna's comeback. As Perez Hilton points out (I think that's the first time I've used that phrase), she didn't write or produce the single, but she did approve it, as she presumably approved the off-putting barbed-wire-wrapped image of her that accompanies it. And it's a little upsetting that, given her history, she'd decide to sing about a woman who risks death — with someone who, the song implies, has killed before and will again — in order to "pass a test."

On the other hand, "Russian Roulette" doesn't excuse violence so much as it portrays someone who feels she can't escape it. And, as Rosenberg points out, this feeling is a reality for many abuse victims. This doesn't makes it less creepy, and the song isn't one I'd want my kids singing in the car, if I had kids or a car. At the same time, lots of female artists sing about bad men, fucked-up situations, and doing things that put them in danger. Rihanna's very public assault shouldn't force her to choose only the most empowering topics, and it's not her responsibility as a pop star to discourage abuse. What I'm actually most worried about is her label's thinking on this song. If she truly had free choice that's one thing — but if anyone pushed a domestic violence victim to record a comeback song about gunplay, that's something to get angry about.

Image via Just Jared.

Rihanna Underwhelms With New "Comeback" Single! [Perez Hilton]
Is Rihanna's New Single A Defense Of Staying In A Violent Relationship? [Alyssa Rosenberg]
Rihanna - ‘Russian Roulette' Lyrics [Just Jared]

69 Boyz-Tootsie Roll I was in 7th grade when "Tootsie Roll" hit the radio, and it was the jaaaaaaam as far as my 13-year-old peers were concerned. Any dance that provides instructions is going to be a hit with kids, as you can look like you know your shit simply by copying the moves explicitly laid out for you in the lyrics. Being a wallflower, I was the type who actually sat on the side and ate Tootsie Roll Pops as opposed to actually doing to Tootsie Roll, but I nodded my head and laughed as my friends hit the floor and executed it perfectly. Did they all run off and have sex immediately afterward? No. Sometimes, believe it or not, kids are just dancing. Did teachers make sure people weren't dancing too close or being too sexual about it? Yes. I suppose you have to find the line between letting kids express themselves and letting kids essentially hump on the dance floor.


Freak Nasty-Da Dip Da Dip was problematic in my school as it required "putting your hand upon my hip." The teachers were not having that. You could do "da dip" at my middle school dances as long as you did it by yourself. Still: the lyrics! I can't believe they played this AT SCHOOL! Good lord.


Ini Kamoze- Here Comes The Hotstepper Ah, "Here Comes The Hotstepper." As I'm typing this, I can't stop laughing at the mental image of my entire middle school on the dance floor, screaming "murderer!" as our teachers frowned all around us. I'm not sure what my middle school administrators were thinking, but I assume that as long as nobody danced too close or got too suggestive on the dance floor, we could scream murderer and get down to whatever song the DJ happened to play.


Ace Of Base- All That She Wants I still have no idea what this song is about. "All that she wants, is another baby!" Does that mean she wants another boyfriend? Another child? We had no idea what this song was about when we danced to it in 1994, and I'm still confused.


Naughty By Nature- O.P.P. I'm guessing that most of our teachers didn't know what "O.P.P." stood for. Either that, or they assumed we didn't.


Color Me Badd- I Wanna Sex You Up I have no idea why DJs thought "I Wanna Sex You Up" was appropriate school dance music, but they always played it. I have always, always hated this song. This is the song that would come on the radio while you were in the car with your parents on the way to McDonald's or something and it would make you want to crawl in a hole and die of embarrassment. I am cringing right now, actually. I don't know if it's residual trauma or because the song is just cringeworthy as it is.


House Of Pain- Jump Around Jump Around was always the most popular song at the dance, because even those of us who were terrible dancers could muster up the energy to, you know, jump around.


Los Del Rio- The Macarena Of course, there are some dances that, despite vaguely suggestive lyrics, are always considered "family-friendly." The Macarena, which was all over the place by the time I hit 8th grade, is one of those dances. Our teachers were doing it! Our parents were doing it! Our 4-year-old siblings were doing it! No wonder we begged the DJ to play the Tootsie Roll.

While I can certainly see the logic behind banning overtly sexual dancing on the floor at school functions, like I said earlier, I think there needs to be a balance between letting kids dance and letting kids get all up on one another. What do you think, commenters? Should certain dances be banned? Certain songs? Feel free to add your input, as well as your school dance anthems and memories, in the comments.

Florida Schools Ban Sexy Dancing [UPI]

The Lady will perform on September 13 at this year's MTV Video Music Awards, and she's planning something big. In an interview with Newsweek's Ramin Setoodeh, she says: "I'm going to be performing one of the most recent singles off my album. But it's going to be a different and more dramatic interpretation. And it is most certainly rooted in New York-style performance art." Setoodeh asks — and who could blame him — "What does that mean?"

Gaga explains:

It's less of me singing the song, and more of an art installation. A performance-art piece. It's very well-designed and thought out, and we've been planning it for months and months. It is for me a very meaningful performance, [for] where I am in my career, as well as the experiences I've had, as well as the co-headlining tour I'm going on in the fall. […] I sort of have this philosophy about things: there's never a reason to do something unless it's going to be memorable, unless it's going to change things, unless it's going to inspire a movement. With the song and with the performance, I hope to say something very grave about fame and the price of it.

Does that clear anything up? Hell no. But even more cryptic is her answer to the question, "what are you going to wear?"

I would say that the fashion for the performance is a representation of the most stoic and memorable martyrs of fame in history. It's intended to be an iconic image that represents people. I think after watching the performance and maybe studying it after you watch it on YouTube, you'll see the references and the symbols come through.

And, when talking about her lighting scheme, Ms. Gaga says: "I like it to be moody. I like it to evoke an idea more than light my face. It's not about what you see. It's about what you don't see, and sometimes that vacant space can be very scary."

Perhaps you find it tiring to hear about her "philosophy," her "art," "symbols" and "meaning." Maybe it would be easier if she just said, "I'm going to dress like Joan of Arc. It's gonna be dope." But the other women topping the chart right now? Miley Cyrus and Taylor Swift. Those two aren't exactly… interesting.

Back when that song "Beautiful" was all over the radio, a DJ friend of mine once said, "The devil didn't invent rock and roll for James Blunt." And I can't help but agree, as a woman raised on filthy Prince lyrics, Madonna writhing to "Like A Virgin" (at the VMAs!) and sexual innuendo in George Michael hits. Lots of people can sing. Lots of people write songs. Pop music should be more that that. Not a lot of people sing well, or write catchy songs; Lady Gaga does both. But more importantly: Lady Gaga makes it exciting. Titillating, unexpected. With Muppet coats, teacups, awful (untrue) hermaphrodite rumors and general pantslessness. Without her, pop would be a bland landscape right now. And think about it: People mocked what David Bowie and KISS wore, too. In addition, she uses her Haus of Gaga to "propel" friends and young designers into the spotlight, using her fame to further their careers.

You might think Lady Gaga is pretentious, a phony. But if she is, it's as someone once said of Holly Golightly: She's a real phony… She honestly believes all this phony junk that she believes. Asked, "How old were you when you first wanted to be famous?" Lady Gaga replies:

I think I was in my mother's womb. But it's not about fame, you see. It's about "The Fame." It's about a life of glamour. I believe in a glamorous life.

Lady Gaga Will Rock the VMAs [Newsweek]

Earlier: Questions About The High Fashion & Domestic Violence In Lady GaGa's Video
Before The Teacup & Blonde Wig, Pants Were Still A Problem
Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore
Lady Gaga Visits The View

While I do agree, to a certain extent, that every relationship has a "soundtrack" of sorts, I find that most real relationship soundtracks don't match up to the darling pitch perfect ones selected for the twee movie couples of the moment: while movie soundtracks certainly convey mood and emotion through carefully selected tunes and lyrics, a real relationship soundtrack is often made up of accidental sentimentals, the kinds of songs that come into your life at random times in order to shape a specific memory.

My bf and I have been together for nearly ten years (and we both like The Smiths, oh no!) and we have similar, but thankfully not identical, tastes in music. However, if you asked me to compile a musical relationship soundtrack, it would probably consist of cringe-worthy songs that happened to be playing at specific moments: the Vengaboys "Sha La La," for example, an incredibly terrible song which haunted us everywhere we went the first time I visited his hometown in Ireland. It's not the kind of song I'd carry around on my iPod, but it would have a spot on the soundtrack, like it or not, because when I hear it, I'm reminded of how it stalked us across the entire country for a solid 2 weeks, and how funny we thought it was when we were 18 or so.

I think we'd all like to think that our soundtrack would be perfectly selected, movie style, but life doesn't really work that way. It actually irritates me, to be honest, when soundtracks take over a romantic film, as the calculation behind it makes love itself seem easily packaged. This is not to say that the Vengaboys should make an appearance (for the love of god, NO) in any Zooey Deschanel movie anytime soon, but a couple bonding over a certain band—even the Smiths—doesn't spell out true love or disaster as much as it spells out a mutual appreciation for a certain aesthetic. And while that's all well and good, it's not necessarily a completely honest assessment of any relationship.

Sometimes, though the movies would have you believe otherwise, the happiest memories are attached to songs that don't seem to go along with the overall picture. And though I'd be happy enough listening to the Smiths forever and the Vengaboys never, on the rare occasion that I do hear "Sha La La" it never fails to make me laugh. You can pick the people you choose to spend your time with, but I guess you can't always pick the soundtrack to your memories.

Feel free to list the soundtracks to your relationships—cringe-worthy jams and all—in the comments below.

500 Days Message: Every Relationship Has A Soundtrack [LATimes]

The song, which hits radio on August 17, is a throwback to disco, written by Alicia Keys and produced by Swizz Beatz. The beat is infectious: you want to dance, or put your roller skates on, or just do that thing you do when you're stuck at your computer and a good dance song comes on: that shoulder swinging, bobbing your head, lifting your fingers off the keyboard move. Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about!

But the beat only takes the song so far: this isn't just some generic club track, this is Whitney, and when Whitney sings, we expect to hear the same voice we heard in 1992, when her voice powered the Bodyguard soundtrack to over 17 million copies sold. But Whitney's voice has changed: there is a grittiness that was not there before, and one wonders if it's a result of her drug problems or just the passage of time that's brought a lower tone and scratchier quality to her singing. However, she can still hit the notes, and unlike her contemporary, Mariah Carey, who increasingly relies on whispers to get through her hit songs, Whitney doesn't shy away from taking it loud.

Even so, I suspect there will be a lot of disappointment from certain fans who expected Whitney to sound exactly as she did 20 years ago. It took me a few listens to really get into it, as the change in Whitney's voice did throw me off a bit. But then I realized that Whitney was bringing something to this song that most songs on the radio don't have: no autotune, no stupid "I hate your girlfriend" subplot, and a genuinely celebratory nature. Whitney's feeling good; she wants you to feel good too. It's a jam sung by a mature woman (remember those?) and it's a lot of fun. Is it dated? Maybe. But there's a reason everybody hits the floor when the DJ spins some Donna Summer. Sometimes, trends be damned, you can't help but dance.

What say you commenters?

[WhitneyHouston]

Bella Swan
All I feel is all there is
and there is nothing here
there is nothing here
all you are is bound to him
you've made that very clear
very clear
you are nothing dear
but blood waiting for fangs
waiting for fangs


Wolves At The Door Of My High School
Keep the werewolf from my door
but he calls me up
calls me on the phone
keeps trying to win me over
but my heart
is with the one
who sparkles
who sparkles
who sparkles
in the blistering sun


Renesmee
They gave you a stupid name
and told you to like it, girl
they don't know you like I do
the wolves imprint themselves on you
what can you do
what can you do
when all the world looks down on you
you're the reason vampires and girls have to screw, you you
oh, you
clawing baby in the woods
clawing baby in the woods
they gave you a stupid name
they don't know you like the werewolves do


My Sparkling Arm (Edward Cullen)
I am so tired
The darkness is not dark enough
And you are filled with life and death
and you live for my breath
you're a bit obsessed, pet
you want to hold
my sparkling arm
the sun and the moon and the blood on my hands
the blood on my hands
my hands
my hands
you belong to me
you have no other plans
no other plans
you must understand
i can not sleep or eat or be anything but bland
yet you still want to hold
my sparkling hand
plasticine porcelain
you are dazzled
by a ghastly skin
its a sin
its a sin
You are my personal brand of
heroin

Of course, they could always just go with this:



Think you can do better? Post your Thom Twilight lyrics in the comments!

Thom Yorke, Bon Iver Write Songs For Twilight 2 [Stereogum]

Her book provides instructions on everything from choosing an instrument to naming your band to booking a gig.

Hopper, now 32, feels that things have changed for aspiring female musicians since she picked up a guitar in the 10th grade. She looked up to older women like the members of Hole and the Breeders. But now, with Taylor Swift, Lily Allen and the like, young women can be inspired by their peers. "There is a lot more wide variety of examples genre-wise, and examples of personality and women in rock-and-roll than there were when I was younger," Hopper explains. "The thing that girls today have is a different set of examples of what is possible for women in music."

It's interesting that while both males and females listen to rock and hip-hop, these genres are usually testosterone-fueled, in terms of who is generating the tunes. (Pop, often considered less serious, is where female artists tend to flourish.) Plus, the stereotype of the teenage girl is that she's the screaming fan — not the one on stage rocking out. So how do you encourage a spectator to get in on the game?

"I just really wanted to urge girls to see that they're part of a continuum of women making music, whether it's Kim Deal, or Liz Phair, Amy Lee from Evanescence, or Demi Lovato, to whoever it is that they look up to," Hopper says. "I started going to shows when I was around 15, and I was going to shows almost every week, but it wasn't until I saw one with a woman playing in a band that I thought, 'I could be doing this too.'"

Teaching Girls How To Rock [Philadelphia Inquirer]

For instance: Catoptrophilia is the "unusual titillation in the presence of mirrors." This is not just about installing a mirror above the bed, this is getting off on your "a psychic double or doppelganger." Writes Saknussemm: "A female interviewee put it very succinctly: 'She knows what I like.'"

There's pogonophilia, the fixation on bearded men — perhaps hipster grifter territory? Chremastistophilia is excitement at being robbed or held up. Agalmatophilia is the arousal by statues, mannequins, dolls and effigies; acrotomophilia/apotemnophilia — attraction to amputees and the fascination with being an amputee. Formicophilia is the obsession with very tiny creatures - like insects, for example. Like ants. YES. ANTS. Arachibutyrophilia has to do with peanut butter; melophilia is arousal through music; eremophilia — which Saknussemm has — is arousal within deserted places.

But possibly the most interesting fetish (to me) on this list is macrophilia: The attraction to someone larger — or domination by giant women. Saknussemm explains:

Remember those 1950s horror films about colossal women? For those who love to be afraid of very big women, the Museum of Sex in New York has a fabulous exhibit on this fetish. More mundanely, we see hints of it in all those odd couples: little, reedy men and large, "ample" women. I met one couple where the size difference was so profound, the husband was referred to intimately as "The Dildo" - his whole body was seen as a sexual organ relative to his massive partner's bulk and stature.

Between Dance Your Ass Off, Tyra and the "squashers", this sculpture from the sex theme park, and the endless talk about Beth Ditto, macrophilia seems really… popular right now.

My Ten Favorite Fetishes [Nerve]

Vikram Jayantis, who directed the documentary for BBC3, recently wrote in the Guardian that he was skeptical of his own project at the outset, but came to believe that Spears' music really did have a positive influence on several of the fans who came out to express their love and admiration for the singer. Of the documentary, Jayantis writes, "hopefully they will turn it on and realise that the kids who get what they get out of Spears, are kind of saving their lives. Being an adolescent can be a really desperate time and you hold onto anything you can that lets you have some control over yourself and have some identity."

While I've written before about my affection for Britney and why I tend to root for her, I wouldn't say that her music has ever "saved my life" or even provided a comfort in darker times. But there are albums, and artists, who have, and while some might mock Britney fans for clinging to her pop songs as a salvation of sorts, anyone who has fallen in love with a band, or a singer, I think, can understand the level of devotion these people have toward Spears and what she has, most likely unintentionally, provided in their lives.

We have a tendency to dismiss sugar pop music as meaningless and empty, but as Jayantis recalls, for some of Britney's fans, it meant everything: her cover of "My Prerogative" gave a schoolboy Jayantis interviewed "the courage to leave the Jehovah's Witnesses and get through his best friend dying of cancer, and that song gave him an anthem for how he wants to live. That's what teenagers need, and I would never have expected to find that in Spears, because I thought it was simple pop music."

Below, a clip from the documentary, wherein Britney's biggest fans come together to recreate her "Baby, One More Time" video:

It may seem quite silly and ridiculous, but I think there is something lovely about it, as a song can mean so many different things to so many different people. While Britney may not be the singer who provided a soundtrack to your darker days or a light to help you navigate your way out of them, perhaps there is someone who did, and though you might not dress in a schoolgirl costume to recreate the moment where you felt connected to something, or someone, it's nice to know that you can always put that record back on and feel that someone, somewhere, is speaking to you.

Britney Spears Saved My Life Reveals The Healing Power Of Pop [Guardian]
Britney Spears Saved My Life [Buzzfeed]

If you watch the video below on mute, it looks like a satire of barely-clothed female dancers getting hosed down with champagne in many rap videos. The women of Millionaires are first shown at a male strip club wearing menswear-inspired outfits and they don't expose much skin throughout the video. The women continue to party in their limo, and later in the club some of the male dancers are shown wearing collars and being forced to drink champagne out of bowls on the floor.

With the sound on, it's clear why "Just Got Paid" is such a fitting title for the video. Though the song reverses typical gender roles with women rapping about drinking and just looking to hook up, describing it as a feminist commentary on the exploitation of women in music videos would be quite a stretch, especially with lyrics like:

Can you believe i get paid to shake my ass on stage?
We're getting drunk every you're makin minimum wage
We live the life you wish bitch don't say shit!
No talent just lucky but they still wanna fuck me

Millionaires, which consists of sisters Melissa and Allison Green and their friend Dani Artaud, formed in 2007 when the three women started playing with Garageband on their computer. It seems their first songs were created as a joke, but they were listened to more than 32 million times on MySpace, according to Under The Gun Review, and eventually got a record deal.

The group was promoted by MTV, appearing on TRL last year and recording the theme for A Double Shot at Love. They are currently performing on Warped Tour, but have acquired as many critics as fans. Reviewers on iTunes say their music is like "verbal diarrhea" and "the voices make my ears bleed" and even blame them for everything wrong with their generation, with one review declaring that they're the reason there's more "violence/sex/crime associate with young people."

In addition to hating Millionaires because they have no musical talent (which they openly admit), many reviewers comment that they're unladylike and are shaming their parents. Almost all of Millionaires' songs are about binge drinking, sex, and violence, with other songs featuring equally charming lyrics such as:

Look at that fat slut over there
Her dress is so tight, it's making me stare
She's lickin' on that lollipop with her tongue
So lets just shoot her
With our guns!

Stupid and offenisve, yes, but male rappers have said worse things about women and threatened violence in their lyrics...and it's hard to imagine anyone saying they're disgracing their families. Unfortunately, Millionaires are seem to be bragging that they behave like male rappers typically do not because they need to express their passion for shooting "fat sluts" but because they're into gimmicks. There isn't really anything clever about how Millionaires reverse gender roles, and their degradation of men is pointless...and just as bad as the more common alternative.

Below, the video for "Just Got Paid":

Review: Millionaires — Just Got Paid Let's Get Laid EP [Under The Gun Review]
"Just Got Paid" Lyrics [Lyrics Mania]
"Hoe Down" Lyrics [Lyrics Mania]

We admit, "Send in the Clowns" is pretty bad. And apparently, someone actually did that, whereas our list is more theoretical. And we avoided, like, "The Rubber Room" and "Come to Daddy." Because no one would choose those, right? Right?

10. "Creep" (Radiohead)
As a general rule, any song containing lyrics to the effect of "What the hell am I doin' here?/I don't belong here" are to be avoided. And you know some uber-Radiohead fan has danced to either this or "Fake Plastic Trees." And by "dance" I mean swayed, middle-school-style, looking miserable.

9. "Run for Your Life" (The Beatles)
For the groom who knows what he wants! And you can't accuse the speaker of ambiguity! Given that this wedding would probably exclude all other male guests, he won't need to worry about anyone cutting in.

8. "Closer" (Nine Inch Nails)
"You let me violate you, you let me desecrate you/You let me penetrate you, you let me complicate you
...I want to fuck you like an animal." Nuff said, really.

7." Muskrat Love" (Captain and Tennille)
Speaking of animal intimacy! "Muzzle to muzzle, now anything goes" - the choice of newlywed Furries everywhere. Also, surprisingly hard to dance to.

6. "Move, Bitch!" (Ludacris)
Can't you just imagine from Spencer Pratt/Sack-style douche thinking this was hilarious? Ew, and the dance he'd do?

5."Every Breath You Take" (The Police)
Depending on the size of future apartment, either depressingly literal, or merely creepy. Although there's an opp for a lot of pre-choreographed moves involving darting around chairs and Fosse-style shoulder rolls.

4."What's Love Got to Do with It?" (Tina Turner)
Bad associations.

3. "If You Wanna Be Happy" (Jimmy Soul)
There's really no way a bride can win with this one. Even if it is super fun to dance to. And now I'm imagining some groomsman appearing and shouting, "Hey, man, I saw your wife the other day. Man, she's ugleeeeeee!" as a "suprise."

2. "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For" (U2)
Ideally, you have.

1. "Daughters" (John Mayer)
John Mayer is the creepiest man alive. Even if this song made sense, which it doesn't, Fifth-Commandment -filtered-through-fluent-douche is a poor choice for the celebration of one's marriage.

The Least Appropriate Wedding Songs Ever [NPR]