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Backlash Hits Octuplets Doctor, Mom & Fertility Industry
Following The Octuplets' Mommy Money Trail

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Aesop's Foibles. YES.
02/13/09

In reply to Backlash Hits Octuplets Doctor, Mom & Fertility Industry
Wow. I've spent the last half hour reading all the comments here, and even with so many different facets to the main argument-many of which I agree with-I still can't decide what's the best stand to take. On one hand, I automatically bristle when I hear even a suggestion of dictating people's choices, womens or otherwise. And really, how much more personal can one get, when the issue in question is fertility or lack thereof and how to handle/treat it. This means, for me, that imposing strict regulations on EVERYONE wanting to utilize this option is grossly unfair, simply because, well hello, everyone is different. Not everyone is a crazypants who wants to have as many children as possible in order to fill some kind of void or satisfy an unhealthy need or emulate a frigging celebrity. In other words, creating a blanket rule for everyone in this situation just because of some instances where a doctor, or the woman involved, have made poor or dangerous choices, is definitely not the fair way to go. No, I don't think proper judgement was used in the case of Nadya Suleman, or in the case of the woman carrying multiples at an age where even a single pregnancy poses a huge health risk for all involved. And I do feel it necessary to question the motives of any doctor who would knowingly ignore these potentially devastating risks, whether they were motivated by the desire for publicity/high success rates, or by blind sympathy. And maybe there should be some kind of process implemented to determine the true motive of a woman trying to take this amazing treatment option to such extremes. BUT. Only for those exceptions. It would be grossly unfair and probably traumatizing for your everyday woman who desperately wants a baby and for whom adoption is not what they want or are able to afford. Deeming such a woman as selfish is just kind of shitty, IMO. No, not every woman wants to be a mother, and no, not every woman who does want to be a mother is in a good place to become one. However, excepting these aforementioned extreme cases, who can make such a judgement? And what woman would want to be so judged? Are there going to be guidelines now that say, if you make less than x amount of dollars per year, you are ineligible, because you don't have the means of properly supporting a child? I know that's an extreme example, but still. If you yourself wanted a baby and were unable to have one, would you want to be first "proven" to be "entitled" to it? Probably not, I'd wager. Gah. My head is spinning from all this. I'm going to take a break. Maybe go look at some cat pictures. Or Clive Owen.
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SanFranLefty
02/13/09

In reply to Backlash Hits Octuplets Doctor, Mom & Fertility Industry
Meanwhile, the right wingers now say that it's the fault of the LESBIANS that Octomom had all the babies:

[joemygod.blogspot.com]

/pounds head repeatedly
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apricotsquish
02/13/09

In reply to Backlash Hits Octuplets Doctor, Mom & Fertility Industry
I'm writing this as carefully as I can, because I really do understand what a personal subject this is for many people. Whenever this issue comes up, I feel like I'm probably a horrible bitch. But I have to say, it all does seem a tad selfish and entitled. I don't want to go around making broad statements about what women should or shouldn't do with their bodies. But I've worked with kids who don't have families and just get shuffled from program to over crowded foster homes, and they are all I can think of when stuff like this comes up. Not to sound like one of those "commie bastards" (/sarcasm) but sometimes it feels like less focus on our individual desires and a stronger focus on community and others might make for some pretty positive change.
([www.adoptuskids.org])
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Maritsa
02/13/09

@apricotsquish: I appreciate that you're trying to be sensitive, but please explain to me why infertile couples are "selfish and entitled" when they choose to do treatments, but fertile couples are not when they choose to have a baby "naturally?"

Also, it's interesting that you link to that site. I've been there several times, as we actually do hope to adopt one day, and it's heartbreaking. But if you look at it, many of those children have severe physical, emotional, and mental problems. So people who say "why don't you just adopt" are suggesting that infertile couples should take on children who have handicaps. Some people aren't equipped for that.
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opalmarie
02/13/09

@Maritsa: I think having a biological child, however you choose to do it, is always done with a bit of narcissism. I don't think that every person who chooses fertility treatments over adoption does so for selfish reasons - there are plenty who cannot afford to adopt, are turned down by agencies due to marital status, religion, age, etc. - however I think ruling out adoption because it doesn't result in a biological child is pretty narcissistic. Being a parent should ideally be about the parenting, not the genetic makeup of your child. I have a really hard time wrapping my brain around the concept of desperately wanting a child, but only if that child shares your DNA.
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LaComtesse
02/13/09

@apricotsquish: I completely understand your viewpoint, and at heart it's sweet. But I agree with @Maritsa: (as I have in the past on this issue) since it seems infertile couples are often given a "take one for the team" mentality that is rarely put on couples who don't have trouble conceiving.
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TheGirlWithTheGoldenEyes
02/13/09

@apricotsquish:

No, I feel the same way. A lot of people here are talking about how hard it is to adopt - and that's not strictly true. Yes, It's very hard to adopt a baby.

But it's easier to foster a child, and more importantly, there are so many children out there who desperately want, and need a family.

It makes me so sad that our society is so blindsided by the cuteness of babies, that they forget that babies grow up and become slightly less adorable children. And that if they simply forgo those couple of years of babytime, they'll still get to have the wonderful family they claim they want.

I mean, gah. Babies mostly just poop and sleep and cry. Why not go for the kid you can talk to, who you can play with, who can actually hug you and thank you for creating a warm and welcome home for them?
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SweetIo
02/13/09

@apricotsquish: I assume you have adopted several of these children, right?
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Maritsa
02/13/09

@opalmarie: I agree with you. I don't understand ruling out adoption because of the lack of a biological tie. I understand people who say they can't or don't want to handle the process.

Also, some people do treatments first and when they don't work, go to adoption. Many, if not most, agencies will not let you adopt if you are still doing treatments. So some couples feel they should exhaust their chances of getting pregnant while they are younger, and adopt if it doesn't work out. Since time is such a factor for some patients, that does make sense.
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TheGirlWithTheGoldenEyes
02/13/09

@Maritsa:

There's no guarantee that a biological child wouldn't have similar "severe physical, emotional, and mental problems".

And in fact, if you chose to go the IVF route, and it results in multiples, similar problems are incredibly likely.

Basically, making a family is a crapshoot, and you don't get to choose to have a perfect one. If parents are not equipped to take care of a child with health issues, they might want to reconsider having children at all - because that option is always there, floating in the ether.

At least with older adoptive/foster children you can prepare yourself for their issues ahead of time, and go into things with open eyes - and know that you're doing an incredibly valuable thing for both them, and society by doing it.
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Maritsa
02/13/09

@TakeADeepBreath: Boy! I'll PM you a pic...I'm so the annoying mom who'll show strangers pics in the grocery store, even though I generally don't talk to strangers.
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Maritsa
02/13/09

@TheGirlWithTheGoldenEyes: Nope, there's never a guarantee, as a parent I'm well aware of that, but it doesn't mean that infertile couples should have to "take one for the team" as LaComtesse put it, while fertile couples have no similar obligation.
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LaComtesse
02/13/09

@TheGirlWithTheGoldenEyes: As the very close niece of a couple who has adopted three children-one sexually abused, suicidal teeanger, two babies born addicted to drugs and HIV positive- I can tell you with absolute certainty that no matter what you read or how prepared you think you are, it does not prepare you in any way to deal with watching a three month old go through withdrawal or holding your crying daughter as she finally opens up about being raped by her grandfather at six.

Adopting children and reading up really doesn't prepare you any better than knowing from an ultrasound that your biological child will have problems.
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SweetIo
02/13/09

@TheGirlWithTheGoldenEyes: It is a bit easier to foster a child - but a lot of them are not available for adoption, have disabilities, come from fucked up backgrounds, etc. My cousin is trying to adopt two children through the foster care system and it has been a nightmare. One of them is severely delayed because his mother did drugs. And the bio-mother is fighting tooth and nail to get her kids back. My cousin might lose these children she has had for two years and it is killing her.

No, there are no guarantees with having biological children, but acting like fostering or adopting is easy just isn't true. Infertility should not equal having to choose a harder parenting path.
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apricotsquish
02/13/09

@Maritsa: I don't mean to suggest that we should do away with IVF, or that it is the job of families who can't conceive traditionally to take in all the children in foster care. I guess I should have been more clear: I think everyone could stand to rethink their ideas about having babies and raising children. You've mentioned the social pressure on women to have children, and rethinking this would be part of such a change. I want to have a baby, but I see it as a selfish decision by design. I think I'm capable of raising a person, and that my genetics are worth passing on? Crazy talk.
It seems like its a subject where there isn't a lot of honest conversation and debate, and I really appreciate your respectful responses.
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TakeADeepBreath
02/13/09

@Maritsa: Do it! I'm the girl that talks to everyones babies (i think sometimes i may freak out the parents, but I'm harmless.)
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SweetIo
02/13/09

@apricotsquish: I think one of the things that gets me ready to jump on somebodies back is that I can't count the number of times somebody says to me "Have you thought about adoption?" as though infertile people have never heard of adoption. I reckon I, along with most infertiles, have given a lot more thought to adoption than most people who have biological children without a problem. But still everyone acts like I'm just jumping into treatments (Hah! After three years of trying like the rest of them) without even thinking about my options.

I don't mean to be an ass, it's just very frustrating.
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JohnPlautus
02/13/09

In reply to Backlash Hits Octuplets Doctor, Mom & Fertility Industry
"Her three children are from a previous marriage and she wanted one child with her new husband, who is in his early 30s and doesn't have children. After she became pregnant with quadruplets she refused to reduce. She is using embryos donated by a woman in her 20s, which increases her chances of having a multiple birth."

I find this part interesting because... well, so these kids aren't even biologically theirs? So she's not really "giving" her younger husband kids? Isn't this sort of like adoption? They said embryos from a younger woman, not just her eggs. So somehow your wife carrying the babies makes them more yours than adopting?

*scratching head*
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SweetIo
02/13/09

@JohnPlautus: Maybe because it was a lot cheaper? Getting donated embryos is much less than adopting, even more so that IVF.
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prestocaro fears the culling
02/13/09

@JohnPlautus: I think they're the result of his sperm, so his kids?
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AuntieBee
02/13/09

@SweetIo: Right, but JohnPlautus is right, too. She's not choosing to have a new baby just for him to have a newborn, is my guess. Also, if donated embryos is cheaper, than that would be WAY cheaper than adoption, as I am learning in a thread above.
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AuntieBee
02/13/09

@AuntieBee: I mean she IS choosing this JUST for him to experience a newborn.
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Lizawithazee
02/13/09

In reply to Backlash Hits Octuplets Doctor, Mom & Fertility Industry
It's a shame when outliers end up dictating policy and driving consideration and conversation around any topic. A shame, but all too common and not that surprising. It's always more interesting to talk about the unusual cases than the 99% of cases that are just your everyday human experiences.

Generally it makes for draconian policy, though. So let's hope policymakers don't jump on some bandwagon limiting access to reproductive care because of a few strange cases.
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Brigit
02/13/09

In reply to Backlash Hits Octuplets Doctor, Mom & Fertility Industry
There are two separate issues going on here.

The first one is the crappy medical insurance industry, which screws us over on either side of the equation.

For example, one particular insurance company owes my grandma more than $40K for surgeries she's already performed. On the other side, she's done countless surgeries free of cost because they were life-saving and the patient's insurance refused to cover them.

Insurance constraints seem to make both the medical professional and the patient choose risky, suboptimal treatments.

The other issue is medical ethics. Implanting a high number of embryos results in unnecessary risk for both the patient and the embryos.

Would it be ethical to prescribe a drug dose high enough to produce toxic effects if a lower dose can most likely have a therapeutic effects and low toxicity- even if the patient demands it? The answer is no, it's not ethical.

One of the responsibilities of the doctor is to do no harm- if they can help it. If a safer and effective treatment is available it should be the first choice.
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NatelysWhoresKidSister
02/13/09

In reply to Backlash Hits Octuplets Doctor, Mom & Fertility Industry
Please tell my why my heath insurance doesn't cover my birth control pills or abortions, but IVF is covered. Please. Someone please reassure me and tell me that it's NOT because my health insurance provider thinks that I am a brood mare and little more. Please.
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SweetIo
02/13/09

@NatelysWhoresKidSister: Can I switch insurance with you please? Mine covers BC but not a cent of infertility treatments.
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The Harlot Queen Likes The Word Strumpet
02/13/09

@NatelysWhoresKidSister: I actually work for an insurance company that covers BC and IUDs, and some fertility drugs, and IVF (with a limited number of rounds). (I don't know about abortion, but they cover just about anything else that is proved Safe and Effective by the FDA and follow standards set out by the GMC's Good Medical Practice.)

...Pregnancy is considered a "life-style" choice, that is why other companies don't cover BC, abortions (elective surgery like a nose job!), and pre-natal/child-birth. Which is another way of saying your insurance company is a bunch of cheap bastards.
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Alys Brangwin has a huge talent
02/13/09

@Athaliah: I thought it was because pregnancy was a "condition" that you could mine a whole lot of money from. Therefore, preventing pregnancy is preventing profits, and profits are good.
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Gretchen is a new kitten mom!
02/13/09

In reply to Backlash Hits Octuplets Doctor, Mom & Fertility Industry
I've been thinking a lot about this for the past week and I think it comes down to several points.

1. We have problems with the system. Our policies for IVF and the health care industry needs some serious thought and overhaul for starters. As usual the American system is looking to the $ as their bottom line rather than the good of mothers and children.

2. Whatever facts are taken into account when we look at the system we cannot use this case as a basis for change. To me, this is a perfect example of a woman who does not know what "no" means. All she knows is what she wants and then plans on how to get it. NOW. I've also seen accounts of how she allegedly has a fixation on Angelina Jolie. She is delusional and obviously has never thought of anything outside of "I want lots of kids". She claims she won't need assistance when she gets her Master's degree? Honey, I have a Masters and I earn 58k. And once you work you're going to pay for child care - HOW? This woman needs therapy, not publicity.

3. This isn't a case for pro/anti choice. This is an entitlement issue. I'm sick to death of where our society has gone - everyone feels they are due and should have whatever they want. That could be a house they can't afford, luxury items on credit cards that puts them deeply into debt, the Mercedes they HAVE to drive or a gazillion kids if they've always wanted a large family. This may bring on a few flames but I do believe having children is not a right. It is a privilege. Abusing that privilege, through your own choice, is irresponsible to both your children and your society.
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AnnoyingFemaleLeadVoiceover
02/13/09

In reply to Backlash Hits Octuplets Doctor, Mom & Fertility Industry
Requisite doesn't she look like Angelina post.
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LaComtesse
02/13/09

In reply to Backlash Hits Octuplets Doctor, Mom & Fertility Industry
Here's my issue.

THIS woman had to go to Brazil to get breast implants because doctors said the surgery was dangerous and she was not in a proper mental state to undergo the surgery. The American medical board has no issue about women's choices about what they want to do with their bodies when it comes to this issue. Transferring that many embryos is a potentially more dangerous move for the mother AND the potential babies.

I have no problem limiting embryos.
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LaComtesse
02/13/09

@LaComtesse: GRR! Embedding issues.

Or, if that didn't work: [media.photobucket.com]
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EkaterinaBallerina
02/13/09

@LaComtesse: Exactly. Just because I believe a woman has the right to decide what happens to her own body doesn't mean that I think she should be making dangerous decisions that affect not only her, but other as well. Let's not forget that there should be concern for the health of those fetuses as well as the mother.
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AuntieBee
02/13/09

@LaComtesse: I was thinking about her while reading this, too. Maybe if there are these restrictions put in place, in five year IVF will be yet another procedure that people head to Brazil to get cheaper and quicker.
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SweetIo
02/13/09

@LaComtesse: Owww. My boobies start hurting whenever I see that picture.

I think the difference is that it's not so clear cut in the case of embryos. There is an art and a method to how many to transfer. The doctor in this case is a nut who should never have transferred that many in these cases, but some situations may call for four to be transferred.
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LaComtesse
02/13/09

@AuntieBee: it wouldn't shock me.

@SweetIo: True, but technology is getting much better now: and though I never say this, i think we should begin to think of legislation to keep up with the technology. Particularly in the Suleman case: she was clearly a great candidate for IVF as evidenced by her SIX other children.
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Maritsa
02/13/09

@AuntieBee: People already go other places to do IVF because it's cheaper. I've heard, anecdotally, that Europeans with money go elsewhere because of the waiting time and restrictions.
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LaComtesse
02/13/09

@Maritsa: I know some people without insurance who go to Thailand once a year for medical and dental care. The doctors are amazing and it's super cheap. Not going to lie: I have considered getting my booblift there. The flights, hotel, and surgery would cost significantly less than it would in the US. PLUS you get a beach vacation out of it.
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SweetIo
02/13/09

@LaComtesse: That's what I'm saying though - Suleman should NEVER have gotten that many transferred. But to make a law saying that nobody should be allowed to have more than __ embryos transferred is not something I am comfortable with. IVF is advancing, yes, but it's not that perfect.
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Tambar
02/13/09

In reply to Backlash Hits Octuplets Doctor, Mom & Fertility Industry
As a woman who suffers the frustration of infertility myself, I appreciate any coverage infertility issues receive in the media; still I have to ask that you stop tossing around the word 'implant' when talking about In Vitro Fertilization as this is misinformation. The embryos are not implanted, they are only transferred into the uterus that is hopefully in a most favorable condition for the embryos to implant themselves. When we think of something being implanted, we imagine a surgical place being made for it and then that item being somehow covered or surrounded by tissue; with IVF this is not the case, the cells are placed into the uterus and the medical interference ends there. There is no medical procedure yet for surgically implanting embryos, or else infertility would have disappeared by now.
To continue to misunderstand this process is to continue to allow women to be unintentionally ignorant of their reproductive options and helps no one.
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Maritsa
02/13/09

@Tambar: Yeah, I would love it if at least Jezebel would get the "implant" v. "transfer" thing right, but after several comments from me and others to that effect, I doubt it's going to happen.
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Emmersct
02/13/09

@Tambar: I know you're technically right, but the word "implant" still makes sense in common usage. If you take a seed and implant it in the ground (i.e., dig a little hole and put the seed in and cover it up), there's no guarantee that the seed will grow. And that's what people see "implanting" an embryo as. That there happens to be an extra step, scientifically, also called "implanting" is irrelevant to most people. The doctor implants the embryos, and the embryos "take" or they don't. Just like the seed in the ground.
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SweetIo
02/13/09

@Emmersct: Would people not understand the word transfer though? I think they would, so deliberately using the wrong word just seems silly.
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Dottie Gale
02/13/09

In reply to Backlash Hits Octuplets Doctor, Mom & Fertility Industry
As long as people with and without health care have to pay out of pocket for chemotherapy, surgery, kidney transplants, etc, I'm just not going to be the biggest advocate for mandating coverage of IVF.
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pandyora
02/13/09

@Dottie Gale:

I don't think anyone would argue that. But if the bottom line is that we as a society pay more when we don't cover IVF than when we do cover IVF, then the economic logic is clear. But the economic logic is also clear for universal health care, so yeah, I'm not holding my breath.
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Dottie Gale
02/13/09

@pandyora: I totally agree with you. My point is that if I'm going to put forth energy supporting universal health care or any changes in the insurance system, it's not going to be on behalf of IVF.
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KathrynwithaY loves Joan Collins
02/13/09

In reply to Backlash Hits Octuplets Doctor, Mom & Fertility Industry
This whole Octomom thing makes me want to do a big ol' **HEADDESK**
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NefariousNewt
02/13/09

@KathrynwithaY loves Joan Collins: They make it sound like she's Spider-Man's arch-nemesis.
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rednrowdy
02/13/09

In reply to Backlash Hits Octuplets Doctor, Mom & Fertility Industry
somebody with more expertise in this answer my question: isn't there a way to freeze eggs prior to insemination so that you can do iv treatments on one egg at a time? i understand that iv treatments are complicated and freezing eggs is not cheap by any stretch, but isn't the cost of taking eggs and freezing them better in the long run than fertilizing all the eggs at one time and ending up with a moral, ethical dilemma of excessive multiple births combined with a potential deadly outcome for the mother and possibly the babies?
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SweetIo
02/13/09

@rednrowdy: Freezing eggs that haven't been fertilized is still an iffy procedure - in the past, they have not withstood freezing well. Some places are starting to do it and if they get it down well, it would indeed be great.
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NefariousNewt
02/13/09

@rednrowdy: The reason for the multiple implantation model is that from the beginning, it was clear that there was no guaranteeing that any one embryo would successfully grow. IVF has matured, but it's still hit-and-miss. The odds get better every year as the technique is refined, but I believe the odds are 1-in-4 right now that an embryo will take, and possibly worse. I don't have a recent figure.
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pandyora
02/13/09

@rednrowdy:

Fertility clinics would love to freeze eggs, but they can't do it reliably. What they can do fairly well is freeze "top-grade" embryos (embryos that are developing well). This means that you can have a "fresh" cycle, followed by a cycle with a frozen embryo transfer. It is cheaper, because you don't have to pay for the retrieval of eggs and fertilization again. But not all patients produce embryos that can be frozen.
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Maritsa
02/13/09

@rednrowdy: They're looking at different procedures with freezing unfertilized eggs and even being able to use immature follicles in future cycles, but the science isn't quite there yet.

Do you mean freezing fertilized eggs? Then yes, they do that all the time. My son was a frozen embryo for eight months! The transfer is much less costly than an entire cycle, but it's still not cheap. Still, it is a good alternative to doing many cycles, if it is viable for that patient.
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rednrowdy
02/13/09

@pandyora & @NefariousNewt& @SweetIo: thanks. i guess what we all need to start praying for is that fertility clinics can begin to perfect freezing eggs because it seems like that would be the key.
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AuntieBee
02/13/09

In reply to Backlash Hits Octuplets Doctor, Mom & Fertility Industry
I'm a bitch, I think, because I still don't understand why it's so important for people to have their own little genetic blends. Want to mother? Mother.

I know, biological imperative, right? We're programmed to carry on our genes blah blah blah. (Except for those people who don't want kids, I guess) I know that, and it still doesn't make sense to me. Adoption is a really rough system to navigate, but is it actually worse? More expensive? I don't know.

But hey, I am a judgey bitch today, so. There you go.
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SuperSally
02/13/09

@AuntieBee: Adoption can be really rough, especially if you go through a private adoption agency. My husband and I looked at adopting (we're not infertile, we just thought it would be a good thing to do if we wanted more kids) and a lot of agencies put restrictions on religion, church attendance, whether or not you smoke/drink--any number of things. You'd think "Loving Family" would be the top priority, but to a lot of people your denomination comes first.

I'm reminded of the guy and his wife who wanted to adopt their niece/nephew--some family member, but they couldn't because his weight was deemed too big of a risk factor. So he had gastric bypass and they still wouldn't give him the kids.
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Maritsa
02/13/09

@AuntieBee: Yeah, adoption can be more expensive, actually. Worse to navigate? That's a judgment call for each person. I didn't find IVF difficult at all, and I can guarantee that I would probably still be on a waiting list to adopt (after the intrusive home study, background checks, etc.), whereas I know have a happy, healthy 6-month-old.
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Plum-Pie
02/13/09

@AuntieBee: Isn't the cost of adopting 30k and the cost of IVF 12k? I'm sure I read that on an earlier Suleman thread?
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AuntieBee
02/13/09

@SuperSally: @Maritsa: @Plum-Pie: See, that's why I asked. I figured there were people who knew more accurate things than single, baby-less, not-American me.

It's a topic I feel like I have to be very careful about. On the one hand, I feel like it's none of my business what other people do. But then, this maybe is all of our business, as it's all over the media, right? Adoption costs vary from place to place, and probably IVF does too... I just don't know.
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hacienda51
02/13/09

@AuntieBee: Not to mention if you do domestic adoption, there's always the waiting period where biomom can change her mind and come back and take the baby. In this state it's 6 months. And I know people who have had their adoptive babies reclaimed, and it's HORRIBLE.

Foreign adoption runs the risk of the rules being changed midgame, like when Russian suddenly declared a ban on it, or the risk of adopting a child that nobody intended to part with-- if I remember correctly, there was a problem in Guatamala with babies being stolen so they could go 'on the market.'

We had IUI for our first. It was physically somewhat tough, but a LOT easier than the adoption headgames. I understand not wanting to send babies into just any home, and not wanting to force moms in the post-delivery haze to make major decisions, but rather than worrying about the Nadya Sulemans of the world striking again, maybe we need to focus efforts on making adoption a hell of a lot easier.
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GlinCastleGirl
02/13/09

@AuntieBee: There are a lot of elements that play into the fertility treatments vs adoption decisions. I totally get your reaction of annoyance at the idea of genetic baby is superior to all others. I actually agree with it. A mother is a mother, a child is a child. I would raise any baby, if it was just a matter of someone handing me a child. But, it's not. IVF and adoption are not interchangable processes, and each person (couple) has to make decisions based on what they can emotionally and psychologically handle.

For us, we've done IVF, and we won't adopt. It's not a matter of a biological child or nothing. It's that I've decided my emotional health and the psychological health of my husband are of greater importance than having a child. I will probaby mourn for the rest of my life that I won't be mother. But, in the end, I'd rather have my loving husband, a healthy marriage, and a full life without kids, than sacrifice everything I have in the quest for kids.

Everyone is different. Motivations are unique. These decisions are very difficult. Please don't paint all couples who won't adopt with one broad brush. You may not know all the circumstances of their lives, and the very complex emotions that are involved in these choices.
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Maritsa
02/13/09

@GlinCastleGirl: I would raise any baby, if it was just a matter of someone handing me a child. But, it's not. IVF and adoption are not interchangable processes, and each person (couple) has to make decisions based on what they can emotionally and psychologically handle.
I love you. If I hadn't friended you already, I would have done it just now.
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AuntieBee
02/13/09

@hacienda51: I would so love to see adoption made simpler. I'm with you about the not wanting to send babies into questionable homes, but then I look at the foster care system and how often that fails. There's got to be a better way.
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TakeADeepBreath
02/13/09

@Maritsa: Awwww. I've read your comments about going through IVF, but I dont think I've ever seen the results.

Congrats! Little Boy or Girl?
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