muffintops - Jezebel

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Daily Fail: Pants Don't Fit? Surgery Is An Option
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Helen Gurley Brown Still Alive & Kicking; Still Hates Her Muffin-Top

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napalmnacey is an angry feminist
09/18/09

In reply to Daily Fail: Pants Don't Fit? Surgery Is An Option
No! I love my muffin! And I love muffins on other women! Nothing nicer than cuddling a woman and feeling her soft bits! Damn you! Cosmetic surgeons gotta fuck with what ain't broke!
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Cafezinha promoted this comment

NewsBunny
09/18/09

In reply to Daily Fail: Pants Don't Fit? Surgery Is An Option
You ladies have me yearning to bake some muffins.

Or some Popovers. But popovers are hit and miss. One small wrong move, and it's over.
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NewsBunny
09/18/09

In reply to Daily Fail: Pants Don't Fit? Surgery Is An Option
I love that the article uses the term: 'a fortnight'.
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Flackette Goes Retro
09/18/09

In reply to Daily Fail: Pants Don't Fit? Surgery Is An Option
Or you know, you could just buy clothes in the appropriate size, and with a cut that flatters your particular shape. But why do that when you can pay thousands of dollars or pounds to have parts of your body painfully hacked away?

Seriously people, if you have such a big problem with buying clothes in the correct size, either cut out all the labels upon purchase, or learn to make your own clothes - then you can just make them to your measurements and be done with this size-mania.
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Edited by Flackette Goes Retro at 09/18/09 12:23 PM

LaFemme
09/18/09

In reply to Daily Fail: Pants Don't Fit? Surgery Is An Option
So, it's basically just liposuction with a "catchy" name. Got it.
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lucyjae
09/18/09

In reply to Daily Fail: Pants Don't Fit? Surgery Is An Option
OH! MY! GOD! How ridiculously stupid can people be. Your body doesn't create the muffin top, your pants do. BUY BIGGER PANTS! Problem solved.
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redqueenmeg
09/18/09

@lucyjae: YES. PLEASE!
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bluetrain84
09/18/09

In reply to Daily Fail: Pants Don't Fit? Surgery Is An Option
Did you guys see the part of the article that said "There is a very fine line between removing excess fat and causing a collapse of the buttock."

This sounds horrifying.
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CurtCole promoted this comment bluetrain84 was starred bluetrain84 was unstarred

CurtCole
09/18/09

@bluetrain84: Collapse of the buttock? I just keeping thinking it would look like hail damage on the hood of a car.
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Mary McCarthyite
09/18/09

@CurtCole: Yes, but then with collapsed buttocks one could unashamedly wear leggings all the time.
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EarlyGrey
09/18/09

In reply to Daily Fail: Pants Don't Fit? Surgery Is An Option
How about just buying bigger pants? Anyone can have a "muffin top" if they stuff themselves into too tight pants.
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LaComtesse promoted this comment EarlyGrey was starred EarlyGrey was unstarred

LaComtesse
09/18/09

@EarlyGrey: "NO! I'm a size 5! I've always been a size 5! I WILL NOT buy a size 6!" -This message has been brought to you by far, far too many women I know.
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colormeroutine
09/18/09

@EarlyGrey: It's not always a sizing issue, at least not one than can be fixed by sizing up. Jeans sit mid-hip these days, the widest part of most women's bodies and where even the tiniest tend to have some fat. If you size up the waist so there's no pinch, the ass and legs are huge. Or the pants sag and you get plumber butt
I usually solve this problem with skirts and dresses, but sometimes I get cold
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Edited by colormeroutine at 09/18/09 10:24 AM colormeroutine was starred colormeroutine was unstarred

Skellatrix
09/18/09

@EarlyGrey: No, bigger pants don't work for everyone. My waist is, according to clothing manufacturers, too thick for my ass/thighs. If I buy a larger size, my waist is fine, but then I get a baggy fit in the legs and ass area. So it's all about finding the right cut/proportion.

I know I've bitched about this before on here.
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youbehim
09/18/09

@LaComtesse: It's wrong, but I have an easier time buying larger clothing when I am thinner. When I know I am skinny, it makes me feel good in a sick way...but when I'm heavier, buying a large is so much harder.
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LaComtesse promoted this comment youbehim was starred youbehim was unstarred

LaFemme
09/18/09

@colormeroutine: Yeah, that is definitely true... the muffin top is assuming that everything EXCEPT that part fits well, so going up a size or two would not really work. Of course, there are pants that are cut with almost no waist (J.Crew I am alooking at you)but you're right, going up a size probably wouldn't help you.
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Skellatrix
09/18/09

@colormeroutine: Ehh sorry for saying what you said. Bad Skellatrix for not refreshing!
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Svenskasweetie
09/18/09

@Skellatrix: But it still seems like it would be much easier to buy pants that mostly fit and then get them altered instead of undergoing unnecessary surgery.
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LaComtesse
09/18/09

@youbehim: You're definitely not alone in that one, hon. We've been told over and over that smaller women are better, more worthy women.

I just think about how millions of ladies want to be a zero--and the semantics of that boggle my mind. There's nothing against being a size zero at all--there's nothing wrong with being any of the arbitrary sizes out there-- but the longing some women feel, no matter what their natural dimensions, to be able to claim "I am zero" is haunting to me.
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bklyn155
09/18/09

@colormeroutine: That's what the tailor is for! :0) You can size up and still get a great fit, without the plumber's crack. Works best on pants where the fit is generally good but there's gaping in the waistline. If the seat looks all baggy, pass and try another brand or style of pants.
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LaFemme
09/18/09

@Svenskasweetie: It's obviously a vanity thing. Having to have every pair of pants you buy ripped apart and reconstructed by a tailor is just the extra annoyance and expense that might push you over the edge. Like women who don't like their large breasts and can't find tops. Obviously you can go custom and have everything re-worked to your body, but reduction is still an option and might be "easier" in some respects. That said, I am sure tons of people get this who don't have major issues, but just wan't slimmer stomachs and no love handles.
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colormeroutine
09/18/09

@bklyn155: Tailoring, if you aren't just doing a basic hem, is expensive. I wear $20 jeans.Getting those tailored in addition to being a hassle just seems ridiculous
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Flackette Goes Retro
09/18/09

@colormeroutine: This is true - the ways jeans sit so low now does NOT work on my body. I have fortunately found a somewhat higher-waisted model of jeans, sold at JC Penney, that is not too mom-jean looking and affordable.
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susanstohelit
09/18/09

In reply to Daily Fail: Pants Don't Fit? Surgery Is An Option
Yesterday I tried on a skirt which was too small and gave me a muffin top. So you know what I did? You should brace yourselves because let me tell you, my solution is going to blow your freaking mind. I didn't buy the skirt! I know, crazy right? Do you think I could convince someone to pay me £5,000 for this advice?
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lijakaca
09/18/09

@susanstohelit: What!? That's crazy talk, you can't be serious.

I really cannot fathom the mindset that would consider this surgery instead of, say, trying on a different brand of jeans.
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crotchety
09/18/09

@lijakaca: No, no, no. In today's society The Brand is always right. If The Brand does not fit your body or your lifestyle it is not The Brand that needs changing.

We are less important than our possessions. We are nothing without them. Were you absent when they covered that?
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Plum-Pie
09/18/09

@susanstohelit: Go away, you're too radical for these parts.
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bklyn155
09/18/09

@susanstohelit: Sometimes I overhear people in the dressing room criticizing their bodies because the clothes don't fit, like 'My legs are too short'. I always want to tell them, 'No! The pants are too long!' It was a huge breakthrough for me when I realized the clothes were at fault for not fitting me, not the other way around. Fashion is there to serve ME dammit!
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Bob Wiley promoted this comment Edited by bklyn155 at 09/18/09 11:07 AM bklyn155 was starred bklyn155 was unstarred

Grim Reaper of the Forest
09/18/09

In reply to Daily Fail: Pants Don't Fit? Surgery Is An Option
The muffin top problem seems to be wholly caused by the trend in low rise jeans. I mean, I like the latest trend as much as everyone, but I'm not sure we should be having surgery every 5 years to fit our body to the styles.
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squeaky yet unclean
09/18/09

In reply to Daily Fail: Pants Don't Fit? Surgery Is An Option
oh ffs. good old-fashioned diet and exercise are cheaper, less painful and leave no scars. same goes, one could argue, for just getting some bigger pants.
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Yahtzii promoted this comment

Rare Affinity
09/18/09

@squeaky yet unclean: I think what the doctor is saying is that some fatty deposits are almost impossible to shift through diet and exercise alone. I speak as someone with a classic apple shape. As a result, for most of my adult life I have had slim limbs, a neat derriere, a large bust and a prominent tummy. All the sit-ups in the world won’t shift my tum so I only ever wear trousers with an all concealing top. I have sometimes wished I could have it surgically removed because I am sure I have lost job interviews and even potential second dates because people have assumed I was pregnant. Even when I have lost weight and exercised hard and felt very toned and relatively slender I have still had people ask: "when is it due".
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brokenscope
09/18/09

@Rare Affinity: Um, sit up's wouldn't remove fat from anyone's stomach.
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Rare Affinity
09/18/09

@brokenscope: I know. They haven't given me a six pack either. That's why I have given them up.
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Jan74
09/19/09

@Rare Affinity: A woman usually needs body fat around 15% to have a six pack - you know, low enough that she might not be getting a period anymore. So it is not gonna happen unless you basically live and eat like a top athlete, and I think that is pretty radical.
However, what might help (I've never seen you so I can't be sure that is a problem) is weight training that strengthens your back, to improve posture. But 90% of people could stand to improve their posture, and contrary to weighing every ounce of food you consume for the rest of your life, this is a pretty simple thing to do.
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Yahtzii
09/18/09

In reply to Daily Fail: Pants Don't Fit? Surgery Is An Option
I just bought this fabulous pair of harem pants, but they don't drape correctly at the crotch because they're just too long! So I'm investigating foot-removal surgery. Tailors are for peons. And I did just see the most wicked pair of shooties for stumps . . .
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Edited by Yahtzii at 09/18/09 10:02 AM Yahtzii was starred Yahtzii was unstarred

Mary McCarthyite
09/18/09

@Yahtzii: Well if you get foot-removal surgery, besides allowing the pants to drape correctly, you'll have the added benefit of avoiding cankles.
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Lady Skittlehattington
09/18/09

In reply to Daily Fail: Pants Don't Fit? Surgery Is An Option
My coat only has one sleeve! What to do...what to do...?
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Grim Reaper of the Forest
09/18/09

@Lady Skittlehattington: Thank the lord the asymmetrical top phase is finally dying.
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morninggloria
09/18/09

In reply to Daily Fail: Pants Don't Fit? Surgery Is An Option
What do they do with the muffin tops after they're removed? Send them en masse to Elaine Benes?
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Ailatan
09/18/09

@morninggloria: Top of the Muffin to You!
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nellicat
09/18/09

@morninggloria: Win!!!
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Leucadia
09/18/09

@Ailatan: Elaine: Lose the exclamation point . . It's not "Top of the Muffin TO YOU!"
Lippman: No, no, it is!
For some reason that exchange is completely hysterial to me.
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Ailatan promoted this comment Leucadia was starred Leucadia was unstarred

alexburrito
09/18/09

In reply to Daily Fail: Pants Don't Fit? Surgery Is An Option
I need a muffin top chop, a saddlebag subtraction, my milk bags moved up, and, apparently, a frontal lobotomy.
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