• A study from the University of Texas on the sexual practices of middle school students has found that by the age of 12, 12% of the students had already had vaginal sex, and 6.5% had done anal. Shit, what happened to holding hands? •  Via Videogum is this awkward ad for the Biffy bidet in which several mad-eyed woman proclaim excitedly "I love my Biffy!" • A 12-year-old Canadian girl recently sued her father for grounding her, and won. • Researchers at the University of Denver have proved that the cliche about how having kids strains a marriage is actually true. • Melanoma has overtaken cervical cancer as the top cancer among UK women in the 20s, a new study reports. • This Monday, we mentioned the case of James Harrison, who shot and killed five of his children. Today there are reports of another tragedy: Kevin Garner, who was set to start divorce proceedings today, murdered his wife, his daughter and two relatives before committing suicide. • A Texas woman called 911 yesterday to complain that she did not get enough shrimp in her fried rice. • A new study has found that oral contraceptives are associated with an increased risk of lupus among women aged 18-45. • Ugh: A "study" funded by weight management supplement LIPObind, has found that half of British women have "muffin tops." I can't wait for that term to die. • An ad for Durex "pleasure gel" that features multiple women apparently orgasming while Mozart's Magic Flute plays in the background has been cleared to play before 11pm on British television. • Turns out, this whole "sexting" media craze may be unfounded, the Wall Street Journal reports. • Two men have been sentenced for video-taping their wives stripping at a WWI memorial in France. The wives have been charged with indecent exposure and the men are facing suspended prison sentences. • Fiat has built a one-off version of their 500 model for Barbie's 50th birthday. It is very pink. • Nearly 40% of babies born within the U.S. in 2007 were delivered to unwed mothers, the National Center for Health reports. • Some teachers are advocating for a homework ban for children under 11 because it is "a waste of children's time [and] teachers' time". • Aw, interspecies cuddling is the most heartwarming thing. Here is a story about a pig and a tiger who are best friends.•  Click here to listen to an mp3 of Karinne Keithley playing "Sweet Child of Mine" on the ukulele (you wont regret it). • Meet Susan Newton, a woman who has such an extreme phobia of fried eggs that she collapses upon seeing them. • And to finish up your hump day, a live feed of a 7-hour-old baby squirrel. • 

MOE: Looks like we're not the only ones who find this anti-climactic.

After the docs droned on awhile about the nuances of the candidates' health care plans, they asked for questions, and it was clear no reporters had any. I suspect nobody cared much about the stale back-and-forth on who's plan does what, and had learned that if you ask a real question about the campaign, you don't get anything like a remotely candid response.
So after a pause, the campaign took a caller who asked if Hillary had any more muffin-tops. Wolfson quickly cut that off and took a caller who identified himself as Steve from the Reading media, and asked something about "moose-knuckles."

MEGAN: I know, it kind of makes a blogger nervous!
MEGAN: But I've decided to pretend like it won't freak me out, and I can get some more Philly flavor, although I got plenty of that yesterday while driving around getting lost going to our interviews.
MOE: Today is a really special day because Bill Clinton said something completely false and inflammatory and Hillary said something completely obvious but inflammatory sounding and Obama said something about "fuck you I'm eating my waffle" about something and ethanol subsidies are still a terrible idea and none of the candidates are ready to say anything about that and —- oooh oooooh — there is some media speculation as to the likelihood of an Obama-Cinton dream ticket but basically no one is really dreaming about that.
MEGAN: I think people that don't actually like confrontation are still dreaming about it actually.
MEGAN: But, you know, fuck those people. And, um, where can I get a waffle? I haven't had a waffle in a year at least.
MEGAN: Sometimes, I think I might want to consider eating breakfast.
MOE: Oh and then there's that story in the Times about John McCain. You see, he is a man of great principle, but he is also a man of immense loyalty. Why do their attempts to undermine him always kind of make him look better? And curious.... is that you chatting me on G-chat whilst simultaneously chatting me on AIM? Because I'm one of those Luddites who likes to stick with a window. But I'm checking it now...
MEGAN: My question is why the FUCK did they drop that story on the day of the Pennsylvania primaries? Talk about dropping something into a black hole.

MOE: Because it's not...that...interesting? Well actually, fuck if I know. It did manage to employ the word "flotilla" and the developer's name is something rather akin to Dustin Diamond, which is funny.
MEGAN: I mean, he made the guy like $20 million on one transaction that he weighed in on. He got him extra water rights.
MEGAN: For someone that holds himself above all that, it's sketch to me.

MEGAN: OMG, a poll shows that 15% of people actually believe that Obama is Muslim. And 8 percent will admit they don't want to vote for a black person. What the fuck is wrong with people?
MEGAN: Also, those people will be screwed if McCain does get Condi to agree to be a running mate. And we'll get another 4 years (at least) of White House lesbian rumors if they win.
MEGAN: Oh, fuck, keep reading. Apparently, people in Scranton heckled his (white) campaign staff on. St. Pat's with racial slurs. I'll bet they ended in -lover. I've been called that. It's so fucked up.
MOE: I think the problem with the McCain thing is that I'm just not that impressed with $20 million made on a real estate deal through the boom years. I mean, it's just not that big a deal to me. And why does anyone think Condi is a good idea for a running mate, beyond the fact that she is prettier and younger and not as pale as the old guy? Really, she should run for third wife actually.

MEGAN: Well, except for the lesbian rumors. I actually hope he does pick her. They'll be the foreign policy ticket in an election that's becoming increasingly about domestic affairs.
MEGAN: And you rarely win races on foreign policy.
MOE: Oh a very depressing thing: the Journal ousted its managing editor, my friend Marcus Brauchli. Marcus is a hilarious and awesome guy, and this is especially distressing coming on the heels of what I thought was such an awesome development i.e. the addition of Thomas Frank to the payroll. So I emailed Marcus asking if maybe he'd like to switch places and revive The Baffler.
MEGAN: If it was a real comic book, that would be fucking cool.
MOE: Another weighty endorsement: Nixon's daughter is supporting Obama. But is Julie Nixon Eisenhower registered as a Dem? Because if not she will not be able to have the same kind of impact as all those Kennedys....

MEGAN: No kidding, if she can't vote for him, what does it matter?
MOE: Sorry, you know, I am letting the ennui get the better of me. Under normal circumstances I might get riled up somehow about Bill Clinton accusing the Obama campaign of "playing the race card" against him. Are these "memos" that prove the Obama campaign was going to use Bill Clinton's whiteness against Hillary all along going to be on TheSmokingGun later you think?
MOE: Related: who's showing early signs of dementia? Because it sounds sort of like Clinton is, but it could easily be me.

MEGAN: No, there's a memo but it's basically a round-up of racially-charged stuff the Clinton's said. I don't know how that's playing the race card.

And then this, just 4 questions later:

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? I'd get my tummy to be flat again.

Proust Questionnaire: Helen Gurley Brown [VanityFair]
Related: The Ultra-Extreme Calorie Restriction Diet Test [NYMag]
Helen Gurley Brown [Wikipedia]