Jezebel: mtv video music awards

The VMAs, In Which "V" Stood For Vagina

Sadie — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 10:30:00 EDT

The MTV Video Music Awards always bring out some spectacular trainwrecks, but 2009's, at Radio City, was a vagina-showcasing, skintight, navel-plunging, transparent house of horrors that either said something really optimistic about the economy or foretold the end of days.

Philosophically speaking: where did Lady Gaga have to go, besides Elizabethan Papagena in community production of Phantom?

So we gotta ask...

Who wore it better?

If this is Jennifer Lopez's comeback, I'm confused about its direction.

The sad thing? Beyonce's slash and burn is sweet and demure in this company.

Whatever people think about Kanye stealing her thunder, Taylor Swift had already scored a total triumph: continuing her reign as best-dressed star under 25.

Alexa Chung, per usual, does her gothic Lolita hipster shtick, and pulls it off.

See, normally, you'd think, 'wow, Jade Cole looks like a preposterous 1991 hot mess.' But tonight? This was, like, the dress code.

Miranda Cosgrove demonstrates the finest in disco ball chic.

And Alicia Keys shoes its manifold creative possibilities...

Kristin Cavalleri, meanwhile, demonstrates the worst in disco ball chic.

Kristin may have The Hills, but this round goes to L.C.

Leighton Meester continues her case as a serious fashion player.

Stephanie Pratt's nightie doesn't seem that bad...and then you reach the shoes.
Apparently she's been walking through a Medieval marketplace?

Tyson Ritter's the frontman of All-American Rejects. Which really makes this too easy.

Whitney Port, now a designer with her own tent show, has obviously gotten too big not just for her britches, but for her bustier-crinoline-Chicago-costume.

Cassie's...getup brings to mind the immortal words of Heidi Klum: "This looks like I sewed it. And I can't sew."

In the 19th century, Whitby, North Yorkshire, was known for its fine-quality jet carving.

Nikki Hilton: your dress offends me. It is ugly and, worse, it is boring. I think disappointing me is punishment enough.

Isn't Amber Rose's outfit elegant and beautiful?

In case you're not sure, here's a back view!

Normally I don't love cape-backs, but Amerie's mini is starting to look really good right about now.

Keri Hilson should really overcome her inhibitions.

Rose Byrne totally wears this oversized floral - not easy, to which many a starlet can attest.

Solange Knowles' scrollwork mini is one of the few actual fashion risks on this R.C.

I'd look sullen too, if my boob was coated in industrial-strength epoxy and I knew in a few hours I had to rip it off.

As Adrienne Bailon proves, two wrongs never, ever make a right.

[Images via Getty]

MTV VMAs: 70 Seconds Worth Watching

Tracie — Mon, 08 Sep 2008 15:00:00 EDT

God, the VMAs were beyond boring this year. Even the people in the live audience didn't want to be there. You know it's bad when Jamie Foxx has to come out on stage and literally tell people to wake up. I think the show's producers were hoping they'd be credited for introducing Russell Brand to America, hoping he'd be the new Borat. Except, he sucked, so he's actually the new Yahoo Serious. Nice knowin' ya, Russell! And you know, not that I really care about how the award winners are determined, or that I even give any credence to the legitimacy of these things, but how fucking bullshit was it that Britney walked away with all three awards that she was nominated for, just so that MTV could get her to show up? Anyway, above you'll find the awards boiled down to the only 70 seconds worth seeing.

Fasten Your Seatbelts: It Was A Bumpy Night For VMA Fashion

Sadie — Mon, 08 Sep 2008 10:30:00 EDT

You could certainly argue that the fashions on view at New York's Fashion Week right now aren't all Sublime. But no one — no one! — could claim that what walked down the MTV Video Music Awards red carpet last night at Hollywood's Paramount Pictures Studios was not Ridiculous. Yeah, you expect the VMAs to bring it, grotesqueness-wise, but even given their own high standards, they outdid themselves. Katy Perry (left) kissed a girl, wore a bathing suit; Christina Aguilera cleared up any misconceptions about her taste level; several gents channeled Professor Harold Hill, and anyone who could show breasts, did — especially when they could do so in booties! The Good, the Really Bad, the Seriously Ugly — after the jump.

The Good:
Ciara's classic lame sheath is truly glam. The hair? Confusing.
The "maternity effect" is when customarily suspect red carpet attendees magically look 100% better once pregnant. See: Ashlee Simpson!
Taylor Swift's frock is slightly "SATC-intro" but she looks adorable.
Seeing as it's the VMAs, and seeing as it's Pink, this pirate-stripe gown is just fun.
Yes, Kristen Stewart's hair is slightly jacked. But the little sweater dress is cute!

The Bad:
Christina Aguilera's all, 'don't worry, I haven't really gotten classy and responsible! I'm still here!'
See, you wouldn't think Heidi Montag's monstrous shoes could look any worse...
And then you see them with Keri Hilson's um, "ensemble."
If there is an excuse for Steven 'Kojo' Cojocaru's Tom Wolfe look, he forgot the note.
LiLo seems to forget, again, that she is a beautiful young girl.
Rihanna channels 1985 gladiator.
Tila Tequila's job interview look.
Ashley Tisdale's spangled number looks labor-intensive, sparkly, ugly.
In Nicky Hilton's defense, the shoes are inoffensive.
It is hard to see breasts publicly maltreated, as Audrina Partridge does here.
The proportions of Miss USA Tara Connor's dress are seriously unflattering. At least her shoes are beautiful. (I kid!)
What Lady Victoria Hervey's dress lacks in beauty, it makes up for with everything else in the world.

The Ugly:
Why yes, that IS Perez Hilton in an ill-fitting three-piece check suit!

Images via Getty