Jezebel 
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New York, 10:40 AM
Tue Nov 10
67 posts in the last 24 hours
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10/27/09
Seriously, one could ask their husband to do more domestic labor so that they can do better at corporate life. What if he says no, or does a deliberately crappy job and blames it on his possession of testicles? What if he does it for a month and then is like, "now it's your turn" (to do 90% of the work instead of the 75% you did for a month)? If you get rid of him, you get lectured by well-meaning people about how THEY came up with a super-easy system of asking and now their husband does "almost half" of the work, they have great sex three times a week now, and little Madison is going to private school and they're getting a housekeeper with the money they earned from Special Snowflake's Simple Method of Just Asking, and anyone who can't master Special Snowflake's Simple Method isn't *really* a feminist, but a "victim" who revels in it and probably hates her husband for being fun and more successful.
Yeah, I don't know why women wouldn't be assertive and ask for things when the above path is not just possible, but likely. Oh, wait... #joannelipman
10/27/09
Painfully, painfully true. I think I love you. #joannelipman
10/27/09
Pogrebin's response is what I don't like. "Paradoxically, she confesses that she both 'took equality for granted' and 'looked derisively at the women’s liberation movement,' whose rebels and activists she dismisses with the hoary stereotype, 'strident, humorless, shrill women.'" - Um, there's not actually anything paradoxical about this. This is how many young women think of feminism. The lives of younger feminists are very different from those of older feminists; could we at least make some effort to understand where the other group is coming from? #joannelipman
10/27/09
What I think is important to note here is that (a) how younger women "think of feminism" may be of historical interest, but philosophically it's not really that interesting a question - if what younger women think is an inaccurate description of what older feminists themselves, then no, I don't really know that the older feminists owe younger ones a duty of understanding when they are themselves being unfairly characterized; (b) it is, in general, my experienced that even those young feminists who cling to wave terminology and generational divide tend to be among the least informed about the history of feminism. We think our arguments are new, but the movement has been having them for forty years or more, which almost anyone could figure out by, y'know, actually reading some feminism.
I'm a young-ish woman, but it chaps my ass that younger women tend to be so obviously eager, like immature teenagers, to be iconoclastic about a feminist history they obviously barely understand. #joannelipman
10/27/09
Or maybe I'm reaching because this woman sounds like me at 15. #joannelipman
10/27/09
I maintain that there's no paradox, and the misuse just kills me. #joannelipman
10/27/09
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10/27/09
"Congratulations! You're the 1,500,000th person to say that!" #joannelipman
10/27/09
10/27/09
I think the post yesterday was much more in tune with the problematic nature of the piece. And it's a little less knee-jerk rebuttal and more of a measured analysis. I would nominate Anna to write a letter to the editor but writing letters every time the NYT published something obnoxious or ridiculous would probably be a full time job in and of itself. #joannelipman
10/27/09
10/27/09
10/27/09
"Don’t pay me half of what I deserve, and don’t call me "doll" either.
The two go hand in hand and always did."
(applauds!)
10/27/09
10/18/09
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10/17/09
10/17/09
Ms. is the only title that doesn't reference age or marital status. It's the female version of Mr. #mrs
10/17/09
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10/18/09
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10/17/09
The choice to change or keep one's name or title is not a free one. This is amply evident when women say things like "I took my husband's name because I want our family to have the same name" or "I just don't like my family name" or "I wasn't attached to my name, but he was to his"
We are trained from girlhood to think of our family name as temporary, belonging to our fathers, not really ours, while boys are taught full ownership of theirs. They grow up expecting to keep their name and give their name to all members of their new family as the symbolic head of the household. We are not free when the vast majority of women choose their choice to take their husband's name upon marriage. There are so many more egalitarian options available. #mrs
10/17/09
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10/17/09
the problem, however, is that my mother is absolutely LIVID that i'm not taking his last name. she has said "well then why even bother getting married?" and many other ignorant/hurtful things about it and now we just don't even discuss it. but its so bad that she won't help me with wedding planning at all because she thinks i'm not serious about the marriage simply because i'm retaining my last name. (the irony here is that she is on marriage #4 and has changed her name every time, as though that is some sort of guarantee of marital success)
i guess i just want to know if any other jezzies have had a similar problem. i'd love to know how you worked it out. thanks! #mrs
10/17/09
I would ask her why your future husband(or any of her husbands) would bother marrying if they're just going to keep their name!
I had a little trouble from my MIL. She saw my driver's license and she thought I just hadn't changed it over yet. I said something like "No, neither of us decided to change our name when we got married" She looked confused for a moment, then laughed, then she got it. I actually did something similar, some years before to convince my mom to not take her second husband's name.
It's amazing how many people have turned around because they never before thought about how unequal it is for only the woman to change or hyphenate. They say "Oh, it's a sign of devotion/family identity" Well, is he not devoted/serious about family, then? #mrs
10/17/09
10/17/09
The whole name change thing is extremely complicated. Since I've spent most of my life being called by a name I don't prefer (a mangling of my last name, which wasn't actually that complicated but confused the hell out of people anyway), I'm very happy to have a name people can pronounce now. However, I understand the potential societal ramifications of taking my husband's name. (I hang out here. How could I not?) At the end of the day, I'm happier with my married name, and that's what counts.
10/17/09