The Week That Became An Emotional Rollercoaster

Jessica — Fri, 11 Jan 2008 18:00:00 EST

This week started off with a literal bang when ex-Top Model contestant Elyse Sewell was knocked around by her crap of an indie rock boyfriend, Marty Crandall of the Shins.
We also had some rousing and interesting political discussions in the wake of Hillary Clinton's New Hampshire victory.
Dr. Ruth advised us on period sex.
And Dr. Oz advised us on pinworms, the scariest ass-affliction of all.
We also learned the 5,689th reason why Jessica Alba sucks.
But we learned new words this week! Like Mrs. Dranklesworth and arse trinket.
Uh, those fat hookery outfits we tried on at American Apparel were a far cry from trinket town.
But then Slut Machine gave us a good, ol' fashioned American Photoshop diet.
All the way from Vegas! Where SM's blogging about her Adult Entertainment Expo tomfoolery. Look out for her second diary installment later tonight, and read it while you tipple on some Sizzurp, because after this week, we all deserve it.

Reader Roundup

Jessica — Thu, 10 Jan 2008 16:45:00 EST

Best Comment of the Day, in response to Lisa Simpson's Love/Hate Relationship With A Girl Named Stacy: "Oh, you're right, Malibu Stacy. Fuck grad school. I'ma focus on getting back to my birth weight." We say: 6 pounds, 9 ounces of pure SEXY! • Worst, in response to Tom Cruise's Grip On Katie: Courtly? Or Controlling?: "TOM U R SO TINY AND CUTE. 2 BAD U HAVE SUCH A BIG A..H..., DONT FALL INTO YOURSELF. DID YOUR MOMMY WASH U TOO MUCH IS THAT WHY YOU SHRUNK?" We say: someone's been hanging out with Mrs. Dranklesworth today.