mothers - Jezebel

posts about #mothers more →
Mother-Lovin'
"There's Not Going To Be Any Pink Dresses:" Moms Who Wanted Girls, Get Boys
Stylish Mothers Of The World, Unite
Attack Of The Fine Lines And Wrinkles
She Said/She Said: Joyce Maynard's Daughter Takes 'Modern Love' Revenge
Former Victim Sues Men Caught With Child Porn • Obama Daughters Not Yet Vaccinated
"She Is A Constant Reminder Of The Fact That My Youth Is Slipping Away"
Is A Forced C-Section Comparable To Rape?
Baristas Charged With Prostitution • Dog-Fighting Ring Busted At Chicago Daycare
Author Rachel Simmons Talks About The Curse Of The Good Girl

Your version of Internet Explorer is not supported. Please upgrade to the most recent version in order to view comments.

Dsmvwl Admin Promote to frontpage Approve user Ban user ×

dayglo
11/17/09

In reply to "There's Not Going To Be Any Pink Dresses:" Moms Who Wanted Girls, Get Boys
Sometimes I think I might like to try for a girl. Then I look at my son's best friend who is female (and a big tomboy) and realize that even if I manage to line two X chromosomes up, I might still never have any pink dresses! #genderdisappointment
Reply

dayglo was starred dayglo was unstarred

rednrowdy
11/17/09

In reply to "There's Not Going To Be Any Pink Dresses:" Moms Who Wanted Girls, Get Boys
personally i think this goes back to the whole "this isn't how i pictured my life to be" complaint. if you have your heart set on a boy and a girl or whatever, well good for you, but real life happens when you're making other plans, and 'real life' is a lot more than pink hats and cute baby sundresses in the store window. #genderdisappointment
Reply

rednrowdy was starred rednrowdy was unstarred

BytheSea
11/16/09

In reply to "There's Not Going To Be Any Pink Dresses:" Moms Who Wanted Girls, Get Boys
I'm disappointed my brother's first kid is a boy. Boys are just ... there. They don't talk as much, you can't connect with them as quickly or as deeply as you can with girls. Really, I never met a little boy I could have a conversation with, or even a teenage boy who actually looked at people when he was talking to them. Girls are just more ... evolved. Emotionally. I feel like I got the discount version. #genderdisappointment
Reply

BytheSea was starred BytheSea was unstarred

marciax3
11/16/09

@BytheSea: Wow. Are you for real?
sigh. #genderdisappointment
Reply

Katxyz promoted this comment marciax3 was starred marciax3 was unstarred

howinsidious
11/17/09

@BytheSea: I don't speak for all men, but I personally found this to be the most intentionally ignorant and hateful comment I've read in a good long while. Do you have a filter between brain and mouth? #genderdisappointment
Reply

redqueenmeg promoted this comment howinsidious was starred howinsidious was unstarred

redqueenmeg
11/17/09

@howinsidious: Seriously.

#genderdisappointment
Reply

redqueenmeg was starred redqueenmeg was unstarred

dayglo
11/17/09

@BytheSea: O, my! I hope you give your nephew a chance! You might have to shift your perspective a bit but I assure you that boys can be delightful! #genderdisappointment
Reply

dayglo was starred dayglo was unstarred

BytheSea
11/17/09

@dayglo: @dayglo: Sure I'll give him a chance, i've already bought out Toys R us and I'm crocheting him a most manly blanket and did you know you can get any decent classic children's book in an indestructable board book edition? Just sayin.I really wanted to buy my neice Construx and a microscope kit and all the "boy's toys" I wasn't allowed to have.

#genderdisappointment
Reply

BytheSea was starred BytheSea was unstarred

Kivrin
11/16/09

In reply to Mother-Lovin'
Edited to remove excessive anti-mother bitterness. I realize that the vast majority of mothers are great and worthy of praise. I just happen to have a crazy one.
Reply

Edited by Kivrin at 11/16/09 9:07 PM Kivrin was starred Kivrin was unstarred

Kristinkles Ingabogovinanana
11/16/09

@Kivrin: I think if we are truly going to celebrate mothers we need to talk about the bad as well as the good. So rant on, crazy diamond! For every amazing mother who handles the challenges of a family with humor and smarts there are women like those we read about today, selling their kids into sexual servitude or wiping out their families in drunk driving accidents. My idea of a great museum on motherhood is one that operates on one basic principal: that every mother is first and foremost a woman and an individual, and therefore different. #herstory
Reply

Kivrin promoted this comment

Kivrin
11/16/09

@Kristinkles Ingabogovinanana: Aw, thanks for the support! (And the Pink Floyd reference—I've always suspected that Syd Barrett had a crazy mother, too!) #herstory
Reply

Kivrin was starred Kivrin was unstarred

Kristinkles Ingabogovinanana
11/16/09

@Kivrin: Hearted :)

PS it took me no less that 6 tries to spell that. #herstory
Reply

quisquous
11/16/09

@Kivrin: I agree. Mine's a bitch, too.

As much as I respect/admire her, I secretly can never forgive her for not doing anything when I told her that her sister's husband molested me. And so he did it again.

I hate Mother's Day.

...I don't want to have children because I'm afraid of "accidentally" being a bad mother like mine was.

Sorry for taking over your post.
*seethe, seethe*
Reply

Kivrin promoted this comment Edited by quisquous at 11/16/09 10:28 PM quisquous was starred quisquous was unstarred

Kivrin
11/16/09

@quisquous: No need to apologize! I hate Mother's Day, too.

But I don't think you have to worry about being a bad mother like yours was. You may not be perfect—no one is!—but Lord knows you won't make the same (awful, awful) mistake that your mom made.

*hug* #herstory
Reply

Kivrin was starred Kivrin was unstarred

redqueenmeg
11/16/09

In reply to "There's Not Going To Be Any Pink Dresses:" Moms Who Wanted Girls, Get Boys
I thought I might be disappointed to find out my second (currently in utero) was a boy just like my first, but I wasn't. I'm good with it. The only problem is we had a name for a girl (leftover from first child) and we still haven't figured it out for a boy. Though Boy 1 has suggested Popcorn or Eagle. #genderdisappointment
Reply

redqueenmeg was starred redqueenmeg was unstarred

goToAndSay
11/16/09

@redqueenmeg: Throw away your leftover girl name.

Trust me, as a daughter who got stuck with the leftover name, I still slightly resent the fact that my parents were too lazy (or possibly to attached to the 1st one) to come up with another name. My mom was so set on having a girl, she never thought to think of any boys names for my older brother- and it showed. #genderdisappointment
Reply

redqueenmeg promoted this comment goToAndSay was starred goToAndSay was unstarred

Chrysocolla
11/17/09

@redqueenmeg: I had some great suggestions for my parents. Namely, if it was a girl, name her Pocahontas, and if it was a boy, name him John Smith. I don't know why they named him Zachary, my suggestions were WAY better. #genderdisappointment
Reply

redqueenmeg promoted this comment Chrysocolla was starred Chrysocolla was unstarred

tireddivertoes
11/17/09

@redqueenmeg: My 3 y. old girl is very excited about the upcoming baby brother. I'm still coming to terms with it - not used to boys, don;t know what to do with them... had so many beautiful girl names in mind, no boy names. My daughter has already named him - "Miriam"... #genderdisappointment
Reply

redqueenmeg promoted this comment tireddivertoes was starred tireddivertoes was unstarred

redqueenmeg
11/17/09

@goToAndSay: We might--but it's a family name we're kind of attached to. Still, ever since I was little, I've always felt I'd have all boys, so it's probably moot.

#genderdisappointment
Reply

redqueenmeg was starred redqueenmeg was unstarred

redqueenmeg
11/17/09

@Chrysocolla: Those are awesome. My son's suggestion for a girl was Princess Leia.

#genderdisappointment
Reply

redqueenmeg was starred redqueenmeg was unstarred

redqueenmeg
11/17/09

@tireddivertoes: Aww.

#genderdisappointment
Reply

redqueenmeg was starred redqueenmeg was unstarred

JerseyGrrrl
11/16/09

In reply to "There's Not Going To Be Any Pink Dresses:" Moms Who Wanted Girls, Get Boys

NO. One of the main reasons I don't want to have a child is fear of having a boy. I'm not even kidding. It lets me know I'm not unselfish enough for motherhood. I will stick with cats, which I can select and thereby maintain my majority female household. #genderdisappointment
Reply

JerseyGrrrl was starred JerseyGrrrl was unstarred

Blueberry26
11/16/09

@JerseyGrrrl: Ha. I'm afraid of having a boy because I grew up in an all female household. My dad was generally absent and we had one male feline, one male dog. I still prefer female animals. At the same time I want a boy so I can make sure to raise him to be a decent human being and such. #genderdisappointment
Reply

JerseyGrrrl promoted this comment Blueberry26 was starred Blueberry26 was unstarred

JerseyGrrrl
11/16/09

@Blueberry26: It's true. It would be really rewarding to feel like you churned out a man who liked women and saw them as equals. But how it would break my heart to birth the next Charles Manson, you know? #genderdisappointment
Reply

JerseyGrrrl was starred JerseyGrrrl was unstarred

pesematology
11/16/09

In reply to "There's Not Going To Be Any Pink Dresses:" Moms Who Wanted Girls, Get Boys
Why can't you scrapbook about boys? #genderdisappointment
Reply

pesematology was starred pesematology was unstarred

redqueenmeg
11/16/09

@pesematology: I think the implication, just as silly, is that you can but the boys won't want to help you with it. #genderdisappointment
Reply

redqueenmeg was starred redqueenmeg was unstarred

MargaretMoony
11/16/09

In reply to "There's Not Going To Be Any Pink Dresses:" Moms Who Wanted Girls, Get Boys
Wait, when has scrap-booking become a gendered activity? #genderdisappointment
Reply

MargaretMoony was starred MargaretMoony was unstarred

deeemer
11/16/09

In reply to "There's Not Going To Be Any Pink Dresses:" Moms Who Wanted Girls, Get Boys
So. . . no one is ever allowed to have an emotion that they're working through? I know many women who have had C-sections, and wanted vaginal births. Is their disappointment warranted? No, of course not. What matters is that everyone is healthy. Still, you can't discount that sometimes people have feelings of disappointment that don't line up with what you want them to be feeling.

These books are to help people overcome disappointment - not to encourage active hatred of a particular gender. And that's a good thing. #genderdisappointment
Reply

deeemer was starred deeemer was unstarred

jebash
11/16/09

@deeemer: Disappointment is one thing; not being able to buy gifts for girls 5 years after the fact without crying is quite another. #genderdisappointment
Reply

deeemer promoted this comment jebash was starred jebash was unstarred

deeemer
11/16/09

@jebash: Well, according to the article, it's not quite that serious. But as a mom of three boys, I admit to having sad twinges now and then about not having a boy. I'm the oldest daughter of an oldest daughter of an oldest daughter, and all three of us have a really lovely bond. You can argue that you can have that kind of bond with a son, but you really can't. Haven't you heard of the term "momma's boy"? It's quite derogatory.

And if you read the article, "And the moms quoted in the piece are sure to affirm that they love their sons, ". No one is actively hating their boy children. Disappointment happens. #genderdisappointment
Reply

deeemer was starred deeemer was unstarred

deeemer
11/16/09

@deeemer: I mean "not having a girl". The edit button isn't working. #genderdisappointment
Reply

deeemer was starred deeemer was unstarred

jebash
11/16/09

@deeemer: Thanks for the clarification! As someone without kids, I fully admit that I don't understand the issue. Maybe because I don't have a strong gender preference? #genderdisappointment
Reply

jebash was starred jebash was unstarred

dj_chick
11/16/09

@deeemer: I have 3 older brothers. Even though the ultrasound tech declared that I was a girl, my mom refused to believe it until after I was born. She wanted a girl so badly and was convinced that there was a mistake and she was doomed to having all boys. Believe me, this put just a wee bit of pressure on the only girl in the family to live up to all of the expected girlyness. :-/ #genderdisappointment
Reply

deeemer promoted this comment dj_chick was starred dj_chick was unstarred

deeemer
11/16/09

@dj_chick: I'm sorry. My husband teases me all the time that if we ever would have a girl, it's likely that she won't live up to the "mother-daughter bond" I imagine for us. He describes a frightening scenario in which we have a girl that loves goth, hates me, and slams the door on me every chance she gets. It's quite funny, actually. #genderdisappointment
Reply

deeemer was starred deeemer was unstarred

dj_chick
11/16/09

@deeemer: I turned out to be the black sheep of the family, so obviously I'm not entirely what my mom had in mind, although we have a pretty good relationship. I can only imagine what sort of karmic retribution is in store for me ... #genderdisappointment
Reply

dj_chick was starred dj_chick was unstarred

BytheSea
11/16/09

@deeemer: loves goth, hates me, and slams the door on me every chance she gets

IIRC, those are the hallmarks of the mother/daughter bond. #genderdisappointment
Reply

BytheSea was starred BytheSea was unstarred

Elaken
11/16/09

In reply to "There's Not Going To Be Any Pink Dresses:" Moms Who Wanted Girls, Get Boys
My mom always wanted a boy and ended up with three girls and my dad certainly wasn't gonna keep trying. Whenever there are little kids around she clearly prefers the boys - not sure if that is why she always wanted a boy or if her lack of male children makes her like the boys better. But I have to say, I never felt that she was disappointed I (or my sisters) wasn't a boy. #genderdisappointment
Reply

Elaken was starred Elaken was unstarred

Diziet_Sma
11/16/09

In reply to "There's Not Going To Be Any Pink Dresses:" Moms Who Wanted Girls, Get Boys
Yeah, and it's women who choose not to have children who are the selfish ones. Riiiiight. #genderdisappointment
Reply

Diziet_Sma was starred Diziet_Sma was unstarred

Trulymadlyme
11/16/09

In reply to "There's Not Going To Be Any Pink Dresses:" Moms Who Wanted Girls, Get Boys
What is the most interesting thing about this reaction is the implicit conclusion that it is simply unheard of little boys enjoying the types of things "girly girl" kids would enjoy and that would be completely foreclosed by simply having a son.

Implicit in this is the understanding that people seem to take having girls is somewhat better because they have the choice to raise a girly girl barbie kid or the sporty Kristy from the Babysitter's club type of girl. There's flexibility.

I guess mothers don't dream of their little boy becoming the next Miss J. Alexander. That's sad.
Reply

Edited by Trulymadlyme at 11/16/09 5:37 PM Trulymadlyme was starred Trulymadlyme was unstarred

the_poptart
11/16/09

@Trulymadlyme: I mean I have no children so this is irrelevant, but I dream of having a little boy who'll become the next Miss J. Alexander. I absolutely fucking do.

But I'm as disheartened as you to see that these mothers are not.
Reply

Trulymadlyme promoted this comment Edited by the_poptart at 11/16/09 5:32 PM the_poptart was starred the_poptart was unstarred

Anne
11/16/09

@Trulymadlyme: Imagine what a hassle it would be, though, when your six-year-old miniature Miss J insisted that all he wanted for his birthday was a series of bowties and puffy sleeves in increasing sizes.

That said, I am so not a fan of asserting gender roles on young children. Someday far in the future, I want to have kind, sensitive, and happy children- you can get that from either gender, and a child's sex really doesn't determine that much about what they can and cannot do. #genderdisappointment
Reply

Trulymadlyme promoted this comment Anne was starred Anne was unstarred

Elizabooth
11/16/09

@the_poptart: It's true -- when I found out I was having a boy, my husband and I both admitted that we hoped he'd be gay because then we'd have an easier time dealing with him (stereotype, I know). Then I realized that the only thing more terrifying than having my daughter date horny teenage boys would be for my horny teenage son to be dating horny teenage boys. Ack! #genderdisappointment
Reply

Trulymadlyme promoted this comment Elizabooth was starred Elizabooth was unstarred

TastyBites
11/16/09

@Trulymadlyme: It would be fucking amazing to have my (not yet in existence) little boy be the next Miss J. Or even the first openly gay Heisman winner. If and when I do have kids, I just want them to be happy (you know, in a way that doesn't hurt others or anything.)

And though I must admit that if I do have children, I want a mix of boys and girls, I figure if there are four girls or four boys, either way, they'll have divergent enough personalities to make things interesting. People are people are people are people, and I will love them regardless. #genderdisappointment
Reply

Trulymadlyme promoted this comment TastyBites was starred TastyBites was unstarred

girlleastlikelyto
11/16/09

@Trulymadlyme: I do. Oh, gosh, I would love to have a boy like that.

So many gay kids have unsupportive or downright bigoted parents, and I always think, wouldn't it be great if our kid got to have supportive, progressive parents? #genderdisappointment
Reply

Trulymadlyme promoted this comment girlleastlikelyto was starred

TheFormerJuneBronson
11/16/09

In reply to "There's Not Going To Be Any Pink Dresses:" Moms Who Wanted Girls, Get Boys
If you're smart, yes, it does turn into having a boy. I freely admit that I was disappointed for about half an hour when I found out I was having a boy instead of a girl. I had no idea what I'd do with a boy. It was much easier to picture the childhood experience of a girl. I had two sisters and a brother; my brother's boy-ness in play activities was pretty quickly either subsumed or co-opted by the three of us.

But I soon realized, before I had my son, that I was getting a boy, there was no way around it, and that it would be a waste of time--and mess up my kid--if I were disappointed. It was really just that simple. I don't know how I'll feel if I never have any girls, but I suspect it won't bother me as much as I thought it would before I had any kids. Right now, I'd give my eyeteeth to have a healthy baby of either gender.

You know what's really unbearable, though, is the crowing some women indulge in when they perceive that they have the gender you wanted. I know at least one smug woman with a daughter, and if she were in reach right now, I'd smack her twice. #genderdisappointment
Reply

deeemer
11/16/09

@TheFormerJuneBronson: You're too funny. We should hang out! I had a very similar experience. Have, that is. #genderdisappointment
Reply

deeemer was starred deeemer was unstarred

PandaGrrl
11/16/09

In reply to "There's Not Going To Be Any Pink Dresses:" Moms Who Wanted Girls, Get Boys
I have an amazing little boy. I am not disappointed in having had my son. But I spent my entire life dedicated to being a woman and what that means. Women's college, establishment in typical male activities so I could some how shake the establishment (I rock at fantasy football!), entrance into male dominated career to somehow make it easier on the next generation... I think that when you have a same-sex child, it feels like you have a short cut to identifying with that child. I don't think it outweighs having a happy baby.

But, that said, I could have had a girl who grew up to be like Sarah Palin. That would be a disappointment. #genderdisappointment
Reply

la.donna.pietra promoted this comment PandaGrrl was starred PandaGrrl was unstarred

linnyt is a walking cliché
11/16/09

In reply to "There's Not Going To Be Any Pink Dresses:" Moms Who Wanted Girls, Get Boys
My aunt only ever wanted to have little girls. She was one of seven daughters and I guess she dreamed of something like that for her dream family. Of course she ended up with three boys. She was ready to keep pumping out kids until she got her girl but my uncle saved her from herself and got the snip-snip. She is one of those people who didn't find out the sex of the baby until it was born. I agree that finding out beforehand would help ease parents into changed plans. #genderdisappointment
Reply

Earlier discussions Other discussions Show all discussions Show featured discussions only Start a new discussion

SUBSCRIBE TO Jezebel

Login

Reset Password

Register

Submit Your Comment