If I could get paid to pretend to be a nagging wife, I'd totally do that. I would leave out the prostitution part, but being someone's private actress for a while...maybe that I could do.
@Mafalda para Presidente: Wait, on second thought...no I wouldn't. I wouldn't be comfortably lying to people like that. When you're acting on a stage or on camera, people KNOW that you're only pretending. Never mind, I couldn't do this.
I know this will be a very unpopular opinion, but I personally feel that prostitution is dehumanizing. I think sex is sacred, whether it's an expression of affection or love or a result of biological urges.
There are some things that I just think shouldn't be for sale.
Friendship is another one. I won't try to be friends with someone at my corporation because she's in upper management and can make sure I won't get laid off, for instance. A lot of people do that. But to me, that would be dehumanizing...my friendship is only for free.
I'm probably explaining myself badly, and if you want to argue you can probably prove I'm wrong, because it's not logic-based. I just felt like representing a minority opinion in case anyone else didn't feel comfortable expressing it. I might be the only one who feels this way though.
@BrightonShiny: You are not. Also, the vast majority of sex "work" in the world is nothing more than slavery (see my reply to Clevernamehere's comment at 7:22).
@BrightonShiny: I think representing dissenting opinions is a great thing :-) And I do disagree with you-- in that I think it should be for sale for those who want to sell it, or don't value it. I personally do not consider sex to be sacred. But I also wouldn't sell it-- I enjoy sex, but not enough to do it with someone I don't have some affection for.
I'm curious about what you mean when you say sex is sacred, even if its a result a biological urges. If its biology-- how is it sacred? And what do you mean by sacred? Are you going to religion here? (genuinely curious, not a judgement)
Also-- what do you mean when you say you won't be friends? Because I can't make myself produce affection for people, but I am nice and friendly with the people I go to school with-- I tend to think of outward friendlyness as a common curtesy.
@inabook: Friended. I feel the same way. Never have felt sex is "sacred" at all.
Although I'm also not opposed to selling it at all, if I could have sex with hot guys and get paid I'd probably make my weekends at the Bunny Ranch too.
@inabook: I'm not sure why I feel like the sex act itself is intrinsically sacred. I guess I've always experienced it that way, even the (very few) times when it wasn't in the context of a relationship. I'm sorry I don't have a good answer!
I think I do connect prostitution to other kinds of oppression. I think it reinforces the idea of my body having a market value, of some bodies being worth more than others, of being valued (or devalued) mostly because of my body rather than for other things.
As far as the friends thing goes...I definitely try to be nice to everyone at work! But I'm not more likely to invite a chick over to my happy hour or anything like that just because she's in upper management. That's all.
@BrightonShiny: I think I do connect prostitution to other kinds of oppression. I think it reinforces the idea of my body having a market value, of some bodies being worth more than others, of being valued (or devalued) mostly because of my body rather than for other things.
Very well put!
While I don't know if sex is "sacred" i.e. in a religious way, it certainly is intimate, and I believe everyone should be able to choose when and with whom they are intimate, and I don't judge people who feel sex is no big deal, whatever. I just feel that discussing prostitution without acknowledging the patriarchy is, I don't know, it makes no sense to me. Please to forgive my poor wording. I haz a tired.
@BrightonShiny: I think you're totally right that prostitution can lead to oppression and it does reinforce the idea that a body can be for sale. But, I don't think that it was to be that way, and don't necessarily have a problem with it when it's done in a safe manner. It seems that when a person is up-front about what they are doing and why, it's a lot better off than a woman who is trying to convince themselves it's ok, when her rational clearly shows they aren't comfortable with her choice. (eg: just doing it for this months rent, it's not that bad because...)
It might not be my choice, but hey, there are a lot of things that other people do that I think are probably waaayyy worse then working at the Bunny Ranch.
i think what many people have a problem with is the sale aspect of sex itself, and not the "promiscuity", for lack of a better term. personally, i am in favour of a decrim approach, one that leads to the sex industry being regulated much in the same way as other industries.
i wonder if you, or others who agree with your sentiment, would feel the same way about a man or woman at a bar who decided to have sex with a person that they didn't know, yet used the same type of protection that a sex worker might (condoms, providing a friend with a contact number like cell phone, or giving friends a gist of where you are heading). would you see that as dehumanizing as well?
i am definitely not trying to come off as rude or anything, i really appreciate, and respect your opinion, and would just like to have a constructive discussion on this! :) cheers
@BrightonShiny: I agree as well. While I have conflicted feelings about it because I also think that people should ,generally, have complete control over what they do with their bodies. I am more inclined to disagree with prostitution and even burlesque dancers to a point. I would try to never judge a women for choosing to "sell her body" I feel that it only perpetuates the concept of a womans body as being a form of entertainment (rather than art or just a way to get from point a to point b)and that a body can be bought or sold depending on supply and demand.
@BrightonShiny: I'm very anti-prostitution and the more I research it the more anti- I get.
But beyond all my pragmatic arguments about health risks and the increase in trafficking when prostitution is legal is the fact that I think accepting sex work lowers us as a society.
Some things just shouldn't be for sale- your internal organs, your children and who you sleep with. Maybe Mary Smith totally loves being a sex worker and it has no negative effects on her, but what about the fact that sex is often the thing you sell when you have no other choice? What does it say about our society when we are willing to put a price tag on an act that is supposed to be about lust, affection and mutual enjoyment?
@gobble_dee_goop: Not to speak for BrightonShiny, but I think she is talking about selling sex, not a hook-up. While hook-ups may or may not make her uncomfortable, she seems (to me) to be more concerned about the transactional nature of prostitution i.e. as it relates to the oppression and objectification of women.
@clevernamehere: It's not a reality show set. The Bunny Ranch has been a "legit" brothel since 1955 and in 2002, two quasi-documentaries were made about it on HBO, which led to HBO creating a show that ran for two seasons about it. It's no longer in production at this time, though.
sorry, you'll need to clarify. in which way is promiscuity (i'm using it to mean random hook-ups, and it very well could be the wrong word that i am using) different than sex work?
what i am trying to express is that some of the justifications that people have against the decrim of sex work are that sex work is a dangerous profession, and that sex is something that is sacred. well, if we believe that sex is dangerous when performed by sex workers, and that is enough just cause to prevent decrim, then we also need to decide that sex between consenting adults who've hooked up at a bar should also be deemed illegal.
@gobble_dee_goop: 1) No money exchanged 2) No trafficking 3) No middleman pimps/madams 4) Female choice in partners 5) Female lust 6) Mutual event rather than service for hire
As for health risks, every protected sex act comes with a tiny risk of transmitting an STI. A promiscious person might have 4 partners a week, a brothel worker might have 4 partners a day, 5 days a week.
Not all of these apply to every sex worker, but I don't think sex work and promiscuity have anything in common beyond sex.
so what is the alternative? criminalize it further so that it leads to greater amounts of abuse and underground sex exchange? do you really think that the law of the land has any bearing whatsoever in the demand in sex work?
a perfect example is what happened in Vancouver, BC. when the police removed sex workers from off street locations (such as motels) the homicide rate of sex workers increased. this was due to sex workers being moved from areas where they were safe, to industrial areas where they no longer had access to other women who could help them. by this i mean that the motels had multiple people, the front desk person, the women that were nearby, the other patrons, that were able to notice anything extremely suspcious that went on. in industrial areas there is no one. many sex work researchers attribute this police intervention to be the reason why indivdiuals such as robert pickton were so succesful.
id also like to point out that I am advocating for decriminalization not legalization . two very different things.
@kctomorrow: As far as women who are forced into prostitution or trafficked, that I do not agree with. My views on prostitution being ok are in the light of consensual, by choice encounters.
I'm also curious, because we've been mainly addressing female prostituion-- do your views change at all when the prostitute is a man? And then, does it matter if his clients are male or female?
what i am trying to say is that we can find these similarities in many other industries, or people, but we do not prevent them from having choice.
regarding health, we can see that individuals from a number of industries have health risks, yet we do not prevent them from working in those industries. take for instance nurses, which report some of the highest WCB claims in Canada (not sure what year this was from, im recalling off the top of my head). we wouldn't tell a nurse who we believe to be a little unhealthy that she or he cannot choose to work in this profession any longer since there is a slight risk that they will sustain injury. the response from you may be (not trying to put words in your mouth) that sex work is not a career option that is needed in the same way that nursing is needed. truly, though, how can we say that sex isn't a need? as long as the sex is between two consenting adults, one of whom needs to have a sexual relation, then how can we say that it isnt as important as nursing. too much typing for now. ill elaborate if you'd like.
@inabook: What I am getting at is HOW consensual prostitution can be in the confines of patriarchy. When we discuss modern, first world nation sex work, and refuse to acknowledge the fact that thousands of women and children are SOLD into prostitution, we are doing those women and children a disservice and ignoring the environment in which the sale of sexual services and sexuality itself is taking place. I do not think it is inappropriate to question an institution that for a vast majority of its participants is NOT a chosen "profession."
@gobble_dee_goop: Many professions risk their health/welfare. Police officers and firefighters come instantly to mind. However, these professions, as well as nurses, are generally NOT risking the health of others. For example: Johnny pays a visit to a hooker and gets an STD and passes it along to his faithful girlfriend Suzzie. Suzzie, an "innocent" third party, did nothing to cause her infection. That's a little different than a construction worker getting falling off a roof, or a nurse pulling a back muscle from turning a patient over. I mean, all of us, just by leaving the house each day, risk getting hit by a bus, or struck by lightening, etc.
@La Chica Lucy: I think there is a problem with equating women who choose prostitution to those who are forced into it, though. I acknowledge that selling women and children into forced sex is a problem that NEEDS to be addressed, but I don't think criticizing women who enter into it by choice actually helps those who are not doing it by choice. The situations and circumstances are exceptionally different. The circumstances of prostitution by choice in America aren't great on their own right now, either, but I think that aknowledging that it happens, that its not going to disappear, and that it could be regulated is a step towards safer conditions.
@inabook: I am NOT equating women who legitimately choose prostitution to those who are forced into it, though. You are talking about women who are, presumably, educated and have OTHER options. Worldwide, these women are in the minority. The vast majority of sex workers, including those enslaved in the sex trade and many, many women here, have no other choice. This is my problem. And, I am sorry, but I am not sure how to end such enslavement without discussing the patriarchy's role in classifying women as a commodity.
I am saying that we need to look at the entire picture, which means looking at the institution as a whole, not just the experiences of a privileged few. The majority of sex workers on this planet, including many drug-addicted street prostitutes in this country, "choose" the life because they have no other choice.
I am not trying to deny women choice. I am trying to examine the big picture, and if our tacit acceptance of women being a product to be bought, sold, consumed and discarded plays a role in the very obvious fact that most sex "workers" are in reality slaves.
same here! i love discussions like this. honestly, you should've been at a forum i had gone to in downtown vancouver regarding this topic. it was honestly just craziness all around. people from either side were just yelling at each other. not a good sight.
not to continuously switch the point of discussion around all the time, but could we also then use this same type of principle to decide that cheating should be deemed unlawful? we could say that a woman who has herpes that sleeps with suzzies boyfriend should also be charged? it would be the same thing as a sex worker, sleeping with her husband, except there is no money exchanged. i just want to get away from the idea that sex work is inherently a dangerous profession, and that instead the circumstances surrounding it may lead to it being dangerous. these circumstances can then be altered to make it less dangerous.
@gobble_dee_goop: I am friending you for a great discussion, but I am going to continue to try to hone my point!
The circumstances that make prostitution dangerous are in a large part due to the fact that the "transaction" itself reduces a woman to a consumable (and thereby disposable) object. If we didn't live in a patriarchy, perhaps a 100% consenting sex for trade between adults could be possible. And I am even sympathetic to some our local pro's johns -- sex is a human need, and, not to be mean, but I see how for some people it would be easier to just pay for it (a lot of them are old, widowed men).
I just want to get away from the idea that it will be any time soon before prostitution, even if decriminalized, will be, on the whole, beneficial to women. I, personally, do not wish to embrace the idea that women are things to be purchased. Because as long as we are "less than" men, that is the crux of prostitution.
@gobble_dee_goop: I support decriminalizing the selling of sex but keeping the buying of sex criminalized.
There is a lot of evidence that legalization creates increased demand, increased trafficking and decreased social programming for women who want to leave.
The demand logic doesn't hold water for me.
I really get tired of the attitude that being anti-prostitution means that you're uptight or dehumanizing sex workers. It is way too common on Jezebel.
@La Chica Lucy: But no one ever, ever has truly free choice for anything in this world. We are all of us (mostly) choosing between the best of several evils in many cases. I do not think criminalizing sex work actually helps anyone, whether they are forced into it or choose it. we should criminalize rape, kidnapping, human trafficking, and coercion, but criminalizing prostitution makes it harder for women working in it to come forward if someone hurts them.
@southwer: I am NOT talking about criminalizing sex work! Please, read all my posts. I do support arresting johns, but NOT prostitutes! And, we could argue true free will all goddamn night! Please, read what I am saying. I am questioning MALE behavior and am questioning the role of the patriarchy in promoting the very idea that sex, and, as a consequence, women, are merely objects to be bought and sold. If you have read this entire thread and fail to understand what I am saying, I honestly don't know what else to say.
Although I don't 100% agree with you, I get what you are saying very clearly. Honest question, do you believe that if we lived in a matriarchy [that sounds so strange] that prostitution would never occur? Or do you believe that it would occur, but you would be okay with it if it was under those circumstances? Or any other option you'd like to throw out..I'm fascinated by this right now.
@It's Just the Way I Smile,She Said: I honestly don't know the answer to that. I think that if prostitution did exist in a matriarchy, it would be different, but then again maybe not, for in a matriarchy women hold power and things are unequal (not that I'm opposed to trying matriarchy for, say, 2000+ years:) Maybe the men would just be a commodity, a way for women to make money, which really isn't any better, my my point of view. I'd rather strive for equality. Again, I really don't have any deep answers or solutions to these questions. I guess I think we need to figure out what is going on under the patriarchy in order to figure out a better way to do things in the future.
@Eric Northman is MINE (nee Sookie Stackhouse): They do at the Bunny Ranch, from what I've seen on Cathouse. It squicks me out way more than the fucking, for which they use condoms.
@Sophie needs to study...damn: I still cannot believe my folks let me watch it as a kid. I mean for the most part i had no idea what was going on, I mostly grasped makeover, shopping etc. When i watched again as a teenager I was horrified. It's funny if you read up on the production of that movie the role was offered to tons of actresses that were big in the 80s (Molly Ringwald, Michelle Pfieffer, SJP, Meg Rya, Daryl Hannah etc) but pretty much everyone turned it down because they were offended and thought the plot was demeaning.
@Eric Northman is MINE (nee Sookie Stackhouse): I just read the Wikipedia article on the movie and damn Heather Locklear, Jodie Foster, Tatum O'Neal, Bridget Fonda, Lori Loughlin, Diane Lane, Sarah Jessica Parker and Brooke Shields along with teh ones you mentioned ALL turned down the movie! That definitely reflects on the script.
The idea of a man coming in for a nagging wife makes me sad. Having a nagging spouse or parent or sibling or friend even is something I think most people take for granted a lot, and I rarely see my moms fifty-fifth comment about the state of my bedroom when I'm home as sweet, but the truth is - it is. We know, somewhere inside, that these people are telling us these things because they love us, and I'm sure that was some of what this man felt he was lacking.
I did find it very telling, however, that he wanted her to get jealous of him. I think that speaks to a baser instinct of wanting to see women "catfight" over the man-prize, and elicits way less sympathy from me.
@momentsofabsurdity has a new car!!: I don't think jealousy necessarily indicates a desire to see a catfight-- jealousy might be a base emotion, but a lot of the people I know like their partners to be at least a tiny bit jealous, because it shows they care, and that they recognize their partner as someone others might want too-- as someone who has value, not just someone they can get because its easy.
@inabook: I don't know, it was something about the way she said it that made me think catfight, but you're right, I guess she didn't say anything specific to that effect. Go figure, good point :-)
@momentsofabsurdity has a new car!!: You're right, it could be a catfight too-- but I love to get into things, and think about other possible reasons for human behavior, because I think its so much more complicated than we usually give other people-- or ourselves, even-- credit for.
BROOKE! I remember watching the episodes of when she first arrived at the Ranch, she was SUCH a good sport and so positive and eager. She made the whole thing seem really fun and like a great experience. I like her.
I read a chapter from someone's dissertation on the girlfriend experience and there is a good argument for saying that it is actually more exploitative than traditional prostitution.
In tradition prostitution, the main thing is the sex. A sex worker can let her body take over or think of it like acting.
But when the customer is expecting emotional support and affection it can be much harder for the sex worker to keep her distance. The chapter I read was about sex workers who offered to take the girlfriend experience off the book- still non-monogamous but no charge.
And all the guys declined because they weren't lonely guys who didn't want a girlfriend, they were guys who didn't want to put any emotional work into a relationship. They wanted to feel cared for but not have to do any actual caring.
The media has become much more sex worker friendly in the last few years, but I don't actually think it is a good thing. Its all glossy and sexy without much mention of the physical or emotional risks.
@clevernamehere: Its all glossy and sexy without much mention of the physical or emotional risks.
Yes.
Also, whenever the subject of sex work comes up, it is treated as if the experience of sex workers in first world nations is the ONLY experience. It can be empowering! I'm sorry, maybe it can in some situations, but as long as the majority of sex "workers" on this planet are women and children being sold into sexual slavery -- and there are millions of them, some of them here in the good Ol' U.S. of A. -- I have a problem with just accepting the notion that we cannot question the practice of selling human flesh and human sexuality. Prostitution is not the world's oldest "profession." The first prostitutes in human history were not savvy business women cashing in on male horniness. They were slaves. They were the spoils of war. Prostitution is a patriarchal institution and I feel that this fact is just ignored in most conversations.
Please note: I am not attacking the sex workers who read this site. I know you chose your occupation. I know you find some benefits from it or you wouldn't be doing it. I just would like to be able to discuss the realities of the majority of the sex trade in this world, which is actually human trafficking, without being thought of as a prude or a slut-shamer. I don't think it's helpful, if we want to combat this last scourge of slavery, to discuss the entire concept of prostitution in the vacuum of what being a relatively privileged (i.e. not on the street, internet access, educated, etc.) American sex worker.
@La Chica Lucy: I really don't think that sex work is that awesome a profession in the first world either. Not every sex worker an educated free agent with other options just like not every sex worker is trapped by an abusive pimp.
@clevernamehere: Oh, agreed. I just didn't want to offend the sex workers who comment on this site, as they are obviously educated and privileged enough to have internet access, etc. I guess my point is the sex workers we hear from on this site are not representative of the majority of sex workers, let alone those who are actually sex slaves.
@La Chica Lucy: Damn, did this need to be said. I was getting very discouraged by all the "prostitution is empowerful!!" comments, and then I read what you wrote. THANK YOU.
The fact remains - sex is either free or it's not. You know? And I've given it away for free, but I've certainly "sold" it as well...though not for money.
If you truly enjoy sex and are in a secure, safe environment (see: The Bunny Ranch in Nevada where they can't get raped or beaten and are given medical care and contraception), I say "go for it, ladies."
@JinxyMcDeath: "sex is either free or it's not"--So true, I've def had some experiences that made me feel a little whorish (getting flown up for a weekend to be a friend's date to a ball, complete with him paying for the flight, the hotel, all the meals, and the event itself, and then me sleeping with him for two nights, for example).
It made me realize that almost none of my sexual experiences didn't have some sort of inequality on one side or another, from the movie ticket end of the spectrum to the complete vacation end. So I definitely can't fault them for codifying the experience and making it a simple transaction as opposed to some more fluid, nebulous sort of thing.
I've definitely had moments with boyfriends who were financially better off where I've thought something along the lines of "I could get groceries for a week off what dinner cost for you tonight..."
@sumerfish: Unless you slept with your friend because he paid for your trip, I don't see how it is prostitution.
I'm sure you didn't mean it this way, but I really hate seeing this kind of argument on Jezebel. Its an argument misogynists use all the time to put women down.
Sleeping with someone who bought you dinner isn't selling sex. Agreeing that if he buys you dinner you will screw him when otherwise you wouldn't is selling sex.
@Sophie needs to study...damn: I went to school with a Chastity and she was fucking w i l d. She was fun, but...For example the first time she ever did X, she took around 11 of them. She was absent for a week strait, and when she did come back to school, her jaw was swollen from her chewing her tongue to bits. It was scary.
@expatinnz: I think the hair itself looks fab, but it's too flat for her face. It looks kind of off balance to me. Like an elephant wearing a teeny-tiny hat.
(Note: I am NOT calling Oprah an elephant, I am just making an observation about proportion.)
I know prostitution is a multi-faceted world (with a lot of problems and potential for exploitation and abuse), but I'm really pleased when I see a woman who is clearly intelligent, articulate, and self-aware explaining what she does just like it's any other job. Half the problem people have with hookers (just like other illegal things, like drugs, IMO) is that they are so stigmatized.
sometimes when I want to walk out on my job, I fantasize about being a pro dominatrix, or a legal prostitute. I was once told that I was a "born for leather and latex." however, it would need to be fake leather. the only cruelty I can get behind is the cruelty I perform on paying clients because they ask for it.
also, like someone mentioned earlier, I love the screen cap. freaking awesome.
@omnia vincit andromache: I knew a girl who was a "domina". She would go to a "photography studio" and meet men in her dungeon. She read books on the trade and studied under some sort of elder domina.
She never exposed herself or had sex. She'd just let them lick her boots.
Also, I love that they picked a girl who is articulate and "cute" as opposed to being in overtly "sexy" clothing. I think that will help people watching this show to see her as a real person too, which I think is one of the big steps on the way to making sex work in this country safe.
@CodPiece: That's interesting, and I haven't seen the show-- I'm a broke kiddo with no cool channels (I say, not even knowing which channel this is on, but I'm gonna take a stab and say not one of the standard channels)
I think the entire community that these brothels foster for the women who work there is facinating. I saw on CatHouse that they earn "hooker dollars" for how many clients they see, and every month the owner fills a room with perfume and hair dryers and girly shit and they get to spend their "hooker dollars" I had no idea the rabbit hole went that deep.
@Vivelafat says Sweep the leg, Johnny.: Wow. I thought it was illegal in the U.S. to pay workers in company script. I know it happens sometimes in migrant camps because they have an isolated, captive workforce unable to complain to police.
It can end up in debt slavery when taken to the extreme. Employers overcharge workers for crap they need and then the workers end up owing the employer money for the pay period instead of vice versa. That's
But I think that kind of crap is illegal. Not to mention dubious and highly unethical.
@lola82: I'm going to PM you on this, but I had no idea that was illegal.
That happens in strip clubs ALL.THE.TIME. Men who run out of cash buy special strip club money to pay the girls with, but when the girls 'sell' it back to the club they get less than the men payed for it.
I hate this and feel I lose a lot of money and that the club is exploiting me. Is it illegal? Can I change sex work for the better in this small way?!
I'm thinking that it's not illegal because as a stripper I'm technically an independent contractor, but it would be fucking awesome if this fake money rip-off ended.
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Also, this seems very apropos:
[e.blip.tv]
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(I'm still unemployed, you guys!)
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There are some things that I just think shouldn't be for sale.
Friendship is another one. I won't try to be friends with someone at my corporation because she's in upper management and can make sure I won't get laid off, for instance. A lot of people do that. But to me, that would be dehumanizing...my friendship is only for free.
I'm probably explaining myself badly, and if you want to argue you can probably prove I'm wrong, because it's not logic-based. I just felt like representing a minority opinion in case anyone else didn't feel comfortable expressing it. I might be the only one who feels this way though.
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I'm curious about what you mean when you say sex is sacred, even if its a result a biological urges. If its biology-- how is it sacred? And what do you mean by sacred? Are you going to religion here? (genuinely curious, not a judgement)
Also-- what do you mean when you say you won't be friends? Because I can't make myself produce affection for people, but I am nice and friendly with the people I go to school with-- I tend to think of outward friendlyness as a common curtesy.
04/29/09
Although I'm also not opposed to selling it at all, if I could have sex with hot guys and get paid I'd probably make my weekends at the Bunny Ranch too.
04/29/09
I think I do connect prostitution to other kinds of oppression. I think it reinforces the idea of my body having a market value, of some bodies being worth more than others, of being valued (or devalued) mostly because of my body rather than for other things.
As far as the friends thing goes...I definitely try to be nice to everyone at work! But I'm not more likely to invite a chick over to my happy hour or anything like that just because she's in upper management. That's all.
04/29/09
Very well put!
While I don't know if sex is "sacred" i.e. in a religious way, it certainly is intimate, and I believe everyone should be able to choose when and with whom they are intimate, and I don't judge people who feel sex is no big deal, whatever. I just feel that discussing prostitution without acknowledging the patriarchy is, I don't know, it makes no sense to me. Please to forgive my poor wording. I haz a tired.
04/29/09
Giving birth is biological and many cultures (including our own) consider it sacred.
04/29/09
Keep it movin', nothin' to see here people
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It might not be my choice, but hey, there are a lot of things that other people do that I think are probably waaayyy worse then working at the Bunny Ranch.
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i think what many people have a problem with is the sale aspect of sex itself, and not the "promiscuity", for lack of a better term. personally, i am in favour of a decrim approach, one that leads to the sex industry being regulated much in the same way as other industries.
i wonder if you, or others who agree with your sentiment, would feel the same way about a man or woman at a bar who decided to have sex with a person that they didn't know, yet used the same type of protection that a sex worker might (condoms, providing a friend with a contact number like cell phone, or giving friends a gist of where you are heading). would you see that as dehumanizing as well?
i am definitely not trying to come off as rude or anything, i really appreciate, and respect your opinion, and would just like to have a constructive discussion on this! :) cheers
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But beyond all my pragmatic arguments about health risks and the increase in trafficking when prostitution is legal is the fact that I think accepting sex work lowers us as a society.
Some things just shouldn't be for sale- your internal organs, your children and who you sleep with. Maybe Mary Smith totally loves being a sex worker and it has no negative effects on her, but what about the fact that sex is often the thing you sell when you have no other choice? What does it say about our society when we are willing to put a price tag on an act that is supposed to be about lust, affection and mutual enjoyment?
04/29/09
Its like saying Big Brother makes you think that there are way worse things than being locked in a house unable to leave.
@gobble_dee_goop: Promiscuity is completely and totally different than sex work. I don't think they belong in the same conversation at all.
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sorry, you'll need to clarify. in which way is promiscuity (i'm using it to mean random hook-ups, and it very well could be the wrong word that i am using) different than sex work?
what i am trying to express is that some of the justifications that people have against the decrim of sex work are that sex work is a dangerous profession, and that sex is something that is sacred. well, if we believe that sex is dangerous when performed by sex workers, and that is enough just cause to prevent decrim, then we also need to decide that sex between consenting adults who've hooked up at a bar should also be deemed illegal.
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1) No money exchanged
2) No trafficking
3) No middleman pimps/madams
4) Female choice in partners
5) Female lust
6) Mutual event rather than service for hire
As for health risks, every protected sex act comes with a tiny risk of transmitting an STI. A promiscious person might have 4 partners a week, a brothel worker might have 4 partners a day, 5 days a week.
Not all of these apply to every sex worker, but I don't think sex work and promiscuity have anything in common beyond sex.
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so what is the alternative? criminalize it further so that it leads to greater amounts of abuse and underground sex exchange? do you really think that the law of the land has any bearing whatsoever in the demand in sex work?
a perfect example is what happened in Vancouver, BC. when the police removed sex workers from off street locations (such as motels) the homicide rate of sex workers increased. this was due to sex workers being moved from areas where they were safe, to industrial areas where they no longer had access to other women who could help them. by this i mean that the motels had multiple people, the front desk person, the women that were nearby, the other patrons, that were able to notice anything extremely suspcious that went on. in industrial areas there is no one. many sex work researchers attribute this police intervention to be the reason why indivdiuals such as robert pickton were so succesful.
id also like to point out that I am advocating for decriminalization not legalization . two very different things.
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I'm also curious, because we've been mainly addressing female prostituion-- do your views change at all when the prostitute is a man? And then, does it matter if his clients are male or female?
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what i am trying to say is that we can find these similarities in many other industries, or people, but we do not prevent them from having choice.
regarding health, we can see that individuals from a number of industries have health risks, yet we do not prevent them from working in those industries. take for instance nurses, which report some of the highest WCB claims in Canada (not sure what year this was from, im recalling off the top of my head). we wouldn't tell a nurse who we believe to be a little unhealthy that she or he cannot choose to work in this profession any longer since there is a slight risk that they will sustain injury. the response from you may be (not trying to put words in your mouth) that sex work is not a career option that is needed in the same way that nursing is needed. truly, though, how can we say that sex isn't a need? as long as the sex is between two consenting adults, one of whom needs to have a sexual relation, then how can we say that it isnt as important as nursing. too much typing for now. ill elaborate if you'd like.
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Anyway, I really appreciate how respectful this conversation has been on all sides.
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I am saying that we need to look at the entire picture, which means looking at the institution as a whole, not just the experiences of a privileged few. The majority of sex workers on this planet, including many drug-addicted street prostitutes in this country, "choose" the life because they have no other choice.
I am not trying to deny women choice. I am trying to examine the big picture, and if our tacit acceptance of women being a product to be bought, sold, consumed and discarded plays a role in the very obvious fact that most sex "workers" are in reality slaves.
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same here! i love discussions like this. honestly, you should've been at a forum i had gone to in downtown vancouver regarding this topic. it was honestly just craziness all around. people from either side were just yelling at each other. not a good sight.
not to continuously switch the point of discussion around all the time, but could we also then use this same type of principle to decide that cheating should be deemed unlawful? we could say that a woman who has herpes that sleeps with suzzies boyfriend should also be charged? it would be the same thing as a sex worker, sleeping with her husband, except there is no money exchanged. i just want to get away from the idea that sex work is inherently a dangerous profession, and that instead the circumstances surrounding it may lead to it being dangerous. these circumstances can then be altered to make it less dangerous.
04/29/09
The circumstances that make prostitution dangerous are in a large part due to the fact that the "transaction" itself reduces a woman to a consumable (and thereby disposable) object. If we didn't live in a patriarchy, perhaps a 100% consenting sex for trade between adults could be possible. And I am even sympathetic to some our local pro's johns -- sex is a human need, and, not to be mean, but I see how for some people it would be easier to just pay for it (a lot of them are old, widowed men).
I just want to get away from the idea that it will be any time soon before prostitution, even if decriminalized, will be, on the whole, beneficial to women. I, personally, do not wish to embrace the idea that women are things to be purchased. Because as long as we are "less than" men, that is the crux of prostitution.
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There is a lot of evidence that legalization creates increased demand, increased trafficking and decreased social programming for women who want to leave.
The demand logic doesn't hold water for me.
I really get tired of the attitude that being anti-prostitution means that you're uptight or dehumanizing sex workers. It is way too common on Jezebel.
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Although I don't 100% agree with you, I get what you are saying very clearly. Honest question, do you believe that if we lived in a matriarchy [that sounds so strange] that prostitution would never occur? Or do you believe that it would occur, but you would be okay with it if it was under those circumstances? Or any other option you'd like to throw out..I'm fascinated by this right now.
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Surely, they've seen Pretty Woman.
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I did find it very telling, however, that he wanted her to get jealous of him. I think that speaks to a baser instinct of wanting to see women "catfight" over the man-prize, and elicits way less sympathy from me.
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In tradition prostitution, the main thing is the sex. A sex worker can let her body take over or think of it like acting.
But when the customer is expecting emotional support and affection it can be much harder for the sex worker to keep her distance. The chapter I read was about sex workers who offered to take the girlfriend experience off the book- still non-monogamous but no charge.
And all the guys declined because they weren't lonely guys who didn't want a girlfriend, they were guys who didn't want to put any emotional work into a relationship. They wanted to feel cared for but not have to do any actual caring.
The media has become much more sex worker friendly in the last few years, but I don't actually think it is a good thing. Its all glossy and sexy without much mention of the physical or emotional risks.
04/29/09
Yes.
Also, whenever the subject of sex work comes up, it is treated as if the experience of sex workers in first world nations is the ONLY experience. It can be empowering! I'm sorry, maybe it can in some situations, but as long as the majority of sex "workers" on this planet are women and children being sold into sexual slavery -- and there are millions of them, some of them here in the good Ol' U.S. of A. -- I have a problem with just accepting the notion that we cannot question the practice of selling human flesh and human sexuality. Prostitution is not the world's oldest "profession." The first prostitutes in human history were not savvy business women cashing in on male horniness. They were slaves. They were the spoils of war. Prostitution is a patriarchal institution and I feel that this fact is just ignored in most conversations.
Please note: I am not attacking the sex workers who read this site. I know you chose your occupation. I know you find some benefits from it or you wouldn't be doing it. I just would like to be able to discuss the realities of the majority of the sex trade in this world, which is actually human trafficking, without being thought of as a prude or a slut-shamer. I don't think it's helpful, if we want to combat this last scourge of slavery, to discuss the entire concept of prostitution in the vacuum of what being a relatively privileged (i.e. not on the street, internet access, educated, etc.) American sex worker.
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The fact remains - sex is either free or it's not. You know? And I've given it away for free, but I've certainly "sold" it as well...though not for money.
If you truly enjoy sex and are in a secure, safe environment (see: The Bunny Ranch in Nevada where they can't get raped or beaten and are given medical care and contraception), I say "go for it, ladies."
04/29/09
It made me realize that almost none of my sexual experiences didn't have some sort of inequality on one side or another, from the movie ticket end of the spectrum to the complete vacation end. So I definitely can't fault them for codifying the experience and making it a simple transaction as opposed to some more fluid, nebulous sort of thing.
I've definitely had moments with boyfriends who were financially better off where I've thought something along the lines of "I could get groceries for a week off what dinner cost for you tonight..."
04/29/09
I'm sure you didn't mean it this way, but I really hate seeing this kind of argument on Jezebel. Its an argument misogynists use all the time to put women down.
Sleeping with someone who bought you dinner isn't selling sex. Agreeing that if he buys you dinner you will screw him when otherwise you wouldn't is selling sex.
A power imbalance doesn't equal prostitution.
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Names That Will Doom Your Child:
1. Brooke
2. Tucker
3. Chastity
4. ...
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[www.bestandworst.com]
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(Note: I am NOT calling Oprah an elephant, I am just making an observation about proportion.)
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also, like someone mentioned earlier, I love the screen cap. freaking awesome.
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She never exposed herself or had sex. She'd just let them lick her boots.
Seriously.
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It can end up in debt slavery when taken to the extreme. Employers overcharge workers for crap they need and then the workers end up owing the employer money for the pay period instead of vice versa. That's
But I think that kind of crap is illegal. Not to mention dubious and highly unethical.
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That happens in strip clubs ALL.THE.TIME. Men who run out of cash buy special strip club money to pay the girls with, but when the girls 'sell' it back to the club they get less than the men payed for it.
I hate this and feel I lose a lot of money and that the club is exploiting me. Is it illegal? Can I change sex work for the better in this small way?!
I'm thinking that it's not illegal because as a stripper I'm technically an independent contractor, but it would be fucking awesome if this fake money rip-off ended.