Jezebel
monkey business
Posts Tagged “
Monkeys
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The Secret Sex Lives of Female Chimpanzees
Leaving aside the strangeness of a research project that involves watching monkeys fucking all day, scientists studying chimpanzees in Uganda have made the interesting discovery that our closest animal relatives know when to be discreet about their sex lives. Although female chimps will advertise that they're in estrus (i.e., fertile) with a specific call, they only occasionally make noise during sex. In fact, if there are higher-status female chimps around or if they are mating with lower status-males (which was about two-thirds of the time in the study), female chimps are silent while mating. It's only when they're having sex with high-status males that they advertise that fact vocally. Perhaps the Budongo Forest of Uganda is more like Hollywood or New York than anyone realized? [NY Times]
news roundup
Just Another Sticky Night Of Abject Stupidity
- Hey, remember how we were going to, like, tax oil companies more and stuff? Yeah, not gonna happen anytime soon. [Washington Post]
- But, hey, monkeys can fish! So, as long as we don't eat all the fish or kill all the monkeys before we drive ourselves into extinction, they can totes rule the world later. [AP]
- Yes, that was a cheap distraction before I told you that we're totally fucked in Afghanistan and no one has any idea what to do about it. [Washington Independent]
- But that's ok, because Obama might pick Ret. Gen. James Jones, the former NATO Supreme Allied Commander, as VP, because now the Democratic party is all about getting the military dudes on the take so they can look "strong" and shit. Only, the story is actually complete bullshit because he's already a McCain adviser and someone is laughing at MSNBC besides me. [MSNBC, Politico]
monkey business
Misogyny Among Monkeys Is "Natural Behavior"
Yeah, Jack Hanna can seem a little too willfully clueless, and yeah, he's on Letterman what seems like every other week, but by god, he and Dave have a good thing going, and I just can't hate the guy — after all, he let me bottle-feed a rare baby Bengal tiger back in 1996 when I was a cub reporter for a national entertainment magazine. Anyway, last night, Hanna — the director emeritus of the Columbus Zoo — choreographed a parade of creatures onto the Late Night stage, including some sort of monkey — a guenon — with a love of grooming and a seeming distaste for girls. In fact, if the monkey's manhandling of Letterman's microphone is any indication, we think it's pretty clear where the little guy's gender sympathies lie. Clip above.
Beauty Immunity
You've probably heard that people find face-symmetry attractive, but researchers report that the "sexiness" of face symmetry can be seen across cultures and even in "non-human primates" (again with the monkeys judging attractiveness!). Researchers also looked at sexual dimorphism — or how masculine/feminine a face appears — and how it fits into general attractiveness and explain that the reason people/primates find symmetry and sexual dimorphism attractive is because they may be an indicators of disease resistance. (Wonder when Vogue is going to start marketing "disease immunity" as a Hot New Beauty Trend! Probably once they run out of ways to market $50 sunscreen.) Either way, we all can feel bad about our lack of face symmetry, because how the hell are you supposed to know how symmetrical you are?[UPI]
Call Of The Wild
A New Zealand man who claimed he was raped by a wombat and left speaking with an Australian accent has been found guilty of wasting police time. Ha! But wait! There is a real animal-on-human attempted rape case! Women in the Indian village of Cherukulapadu claim that a 3 foot sex-crazed langur monkey has been assaulting them. Apparently the predatory primate saw a "couple engaged in amorous activities" and has been trying to copy the behavior. An elderly woman died of shock after the randy critter jumped on her. When it comes to primal urges, we'd like to NOM NOM that bebe wombat and say thanks, but no thanks, to that monkey. [Telegraph, Telegraph]
Loose Lips
The reason Heath Ledger has been looking a bit unkempt lately is because he appears to be playing someone homeless in Terry Gilliam's new movie, The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus. Oh goody! We really hope Heath's involved in some fucked up post-apocalyptic capers like Brad Pitt in Twelve Monkeys. • More diva diagnosis from backseat psychologists: some Britney-watchers claim she has histrionic personality disorder, not bipolar personality disorder as was previously speculated. Perhaps Britney will have a DSM entry all her own someday? • Poor American Idol champ Taylor Hicks has lost his record deal. [A Socialite's Life, Pop Dirt, CNN]
The reason Heath Ledger has been looking a bit unkempt lately is because he appears to be playing someone homeless in Terry Gilliam's new movie, The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus. Oh goody! We really hope Heath's involved in some fucked up post-apocalyptic capers like Brad Pitt in Twelve Monkeys. • More diva diagnosis from backseat psychologists: some Britney-watchers claim she has histrionic personality disorder, not bipolar personality disorder as was previously speculated. Perhaps Britney will have a DSM entry all her own someday? • Poor American Idol champ Taylor Hicks has lost his record deal. [A Socialite's Life, Pop Dirt, CNN]
Reader Roundup
Best Comment of the Day, in response to Monkey Business: "i throw my poop at him too, really turns the guy on." In the words of J.D. Regent, we say: omg you dated R.Kelly too? • Worst, in response to Crap Post From A Banker: "Actually, no. I think people are hating on him because this post went up telling us to hate on him." We say: you are all zombies whose shared brain is controlled by the evil Jezebellian overlordz, right?
Best Comment of the Day, in response to Monkey Business: "i throw my poop at him too, really turns the guy on." In the words of J.D. Regent, we say: omg you dated R.Kelly too? • Worst, in response to Crap Post From A Banker: "Actually, no. I think people are hating on him because this post went up telling us to hate on him." We say: you are all zombies whose shared brain is controlled by the evil Jezebellian overlordz, right?
Monkey Business
Primates — they're just like us! Following a very thorough and kinda weird study, German scientists report that female monkeys shout and make lots of noise during sex in order help male monkeys climax more quickly. It would seem as though we haven't evolved that much, huh? [Live Science]
Primates — they're just like us! Following a very thorough and kinda weird study, German scientists report that female monkeys shout and make lots of noise during sex in order help male monkeys climax more quickly. It would seem as though we haven't evolved that much, huh? [Live Science]
in the family way
Doesn't Everyone Have A Wacky Aunt?
Some genius had the ideal to compile a tome called The Complete Book of Aunts. We're not even being facetious: We really do think that this person is a genius. Because starting with the First Lady of Aunties, Rosalind Russell's Auntie Mame, aunts have always proved themselves to be a pretty wacky bunch. And most of the time, they're wacky in a good way. Of my own aunts, I have one who left me to be babysat by Patti Smith in her dressing room when I was the tender age of 5; one who pretended to be some sort of sociopathic stalker instead of 'fessing up that she had accidentally grabbed someone else's luggage at the airport. (She even went so far as to track down their phone number, and left the poor unsuspecting souls a message that began, "Surprise, surprise...If you ever want to see your luggage again...") And I'm not alone! More »
broadsides
Adorable Bearded Monkeys Discovered in East Africa
- Cutest discovery evs?? A new population of these owl-looking motherfuckers called De Brazza's monkeys — thought to be near extinction — were found in Kenya. Look at that face! Don't you kind of want one? [National Geographic]
- Britney, you best be letting Sean and Jayden get some shut-eye. A new study shows that lack of sleep may lead to obesity in children. [CBS News]
- Addicted to drugs? Try battling your crack cravings through virtual reality. According to a Duke U. professor, "What we're trying to do is take people into a virtual crack-related neighborhood or crack-related setting and have them experience cravings, just like they would in the real world." [ABC News]
