Jezebel: monkey business

Scientists have finally discovered why your...

Margaret — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 13:30:00 EDT

Scientists have finally discovered why your male boss behaves like a chest-beating chimpanzee: it's in his genes. Aussie researchers interviewed hundreds of managers and employees, and found that, like animals, bosses assert their authority with visuals and behavior. (Like monkeys who flaunt brightly colored body parts, male managers tend to pair bright shirts or ties with dark suits; they also have bigger chairs, interrupt more, and use confusing jargon to assert their place in the office hierarchy. "Groups were territorial in the past because it helped them survive...But it is surprising how many... workers are still very tribal in their behavior," says professor Jeffrey Braithwaite. The research focused on men, but Braithwaite says that among female managers, some become "alpha females" to compete with the men while others adopt "a more team-oriented style." [The Independent]

Martha Stewart & Jane Goodall's Goofy Gorilla Greetings Sound Like Crazy Sex

Dodai — Thu, 18 Sep 2008 15:30:00 EDT

Dr. Jane Goodall was on Martha Stewart's show this morning, and she greeted Martha with traditional ape sounds, which Martha emulated. While these noises come naturally to gorillas and chimpanzees, the ladies sounded like they were having intense orgasms. Afterward, Dr. Goodall showed Martha another ape greeting, which was slightly more intimate, and involved Dr. Goodall embracing Martha and breathing on her neck. It's all about animal magnetism! Clip above.

Monkey Business

Dodai — Tue, 09 Sep 2008 13:20:00 EDT

Two readers (in separate incidents) emailed us ads for faux baby monkeys — one from a local Sunday newspaper; one from Ladies Home Journal. One ad brags the doll is "a whole new way to fall in love with babies." The other ad claims its doll is "the most incredibly lifelike baby monkey ever." What the hell is going on? Are older ladies really buying tiny monkeys in pink onesies and diapers? If so, why???? (Click to see both equally disturbing ads.)

Primetime Exposes the Dangers Of Satisfying Baby Lust With Monkeys

Margaret — Tue, 01 Jul 2008 13:30:00 EDT

Angelle Sampey is a professional motorcycle drag racer. She holds several national records and has the most wins for any female in professional motor sports, but she's not in the news today because of her professional success. Nope, seven years ago Sampey wanted to have a baby, but because of her job she felt having a human child wasn't an option. So she decided to get a monkey. Sampey is featured on tonight's Primetime as part of a special on "monkids," domesticated monkeys being raised as children. In this Good Morning America preview we see how her "childhood dream of having a monkey" turned into a nightmare. "He is a wild monkey," she says. "He is never gonna be domesticated. And it took me seven years to realize that."

Misogyny Among Monkeys Is "Natural Behavior"

Anna — Thu, 15 May 2008 13:30:00 EDT

Yeah, Jack Hanna can seem a little too willfully clueless, and yeah, he's on Letterman what seems like every other week, but by god, he and Dave have a good thing going, and I just can't hate the guy — after all, he let me bottle-feed a rare baby Bengal tiger back in 1996 when I was a cub reporter for a national entertainment magazine. Anyway, last night, Hanna — the director emeritus of the Columbus Zoo — choreographed a parade of creatures onto the Late Night stage, including some sort of monkey — a guenon — with a love of grooming and a seeming distaste for girls. In fact, if the monkey's manhandling of Letterman's microphone is any indication, we think it's pretty clear where the little guy's gender sympathies lie. Clip above.

TGIF

Dodai — Fri, 07 Mar 2008 17:10:00 EST

[Image via AP.]