Jezebel 
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New York, 10:57 AM
Mon Nov 30
18 posts in the last 24 hours
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08/16/09
So we made the budget of pride and we're now doing so much better financially. We paid for our wedding out of pocket and have paid off nearly 18k in debt in the last year and a half. While we're looking forward to being able to not think about money so much, all of our hard work has definitely been worth it.
I think working through it together has made us a stronger couple. I guess neither of us sees money as power or a tool for control. If I was advising a friend, I'd tell them to work the money issue out early because it can be really divisive if you don't have a plan.
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In general, we're on a pretty tight food budget and we try to keep our utilities and travel costs low. We don't go out much and when we do we rarely spend more than $30. We stayed in for our wedding anniversary and our big splurge was a $20 bottle of wine.
I realize that I say all this from a position of privilege, though. When I said Mr. Kithkin has a good job, I meant it. We're not struggling to get by, and it doesn't have a huge effect on our finances if we do go out even three times some week. We're not swimming in money, but we're both students now with no debt and enough in the bank for a medium-sized emergency. The fact that we have money helps keep things good. If we had less in the bank or less coming in every week, I can imagine that the differences we have in the way we spend money would be a much bigger deal.
08/16/09
Our problem isn't so much that one of us is a spender and the other is a saver. We're both pretty bad at saving and we both have certain separate things on which we spend. I grew up in a family that was often stressed about money, and in my own, I didn't want to worry about money, and I married someone who assured me that I wouldn't have to. What I didn't understand is that he doesn't worry about money because he doesn't quite get how it works. It comes up in things like his not wanting me to put our kid in day care and work full-time, and then criticizing me for working part-time when we need more money. Or staying with a job situation where he was underpaid to begin with and hasn't had a raise in five years, even though he hates it there. He doesn't get that more money comes from leaving that job and doing something else, and from developing your skills to make you more valuable. Money is something for someone else to worry about. And in our marriage, that someone is me, and I hate hate hate that.
08/16/09
(whispers) But we would have a faboulous array of shoes for every occasion.
Thanks be for Fiance DivineLion whose fiscal responsibility has me (and thus, us) on track for the first time in my life. I now have a realistic budget for frocks which I can keep to, and less nightmares about bill collectors. Fun for all!
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08/16/09
after my layoff, i would have found myself homeless and hounded by collectors if it wasn't for my uber-responsible fiance. he has helped unlearn years of bad habits taught to me by my credit-loving mom!
08/16/09
I'm good with money (now, not so much in my early 20's) I tend to be attracted to people who are also good with money. Mr. Chamalla and I are both cheapskates, but we tend to focus on different things. I buy cheap clothes and broker deals with utilities while splurging on good food; Spouse buys cheap food and splurges on gadgets. It took us a while to figure out how to work together without fighting about it, but we make it work at the moment.
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08/16/09
Even if I'm well-off in the future, I don't think I could ever be with someone who grew up extremely wealthy and/or spent money easily and without thinking. I love shopping, but spending money- even if I can afford to do it- will always be associated with a certain amount of stress and concern for me. Maybe it would work out if I could tell that they had put time and effort into thinking about their own privilege... but sometimes I think that that background influence is too strong to really change.
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08/16/09
Me, I buy clothes at Target. On clearance.
So far, we balance we eachother. Good Cop/Bad Cop.
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I suppose I covet their having-their-shit-togetherness and their focus and drive and their having specific goals when I've always been more of a fly by the seat of my pants kind of person.
08/16/09