Yeah, the article's gone, Rbkah. (sorry, my computer won't let me reply to you directly) Does anyone have a cached or saved version? I feel really weird for wanting to read it so bad, but there you go.
I didn't make it past the f'ing social worker advising this woman to just suck it up and go smoke alone in the bathroom. WTF?
In my case, the advise would have been "Oh, you don't smoke? Well then go get drunk in the bathroom and cry away your tears for a bit!" Jebus!
This woman is a monster of a mother for going public with her family's names and photos. I think that qualifies as significant emotional abuse, so I can't imagine what poor Catherine's daily life as been like all these years (the image of her holding up her little baby arms to be cuddled by a mom who will not hold her, even when advised by Grandma - that made me cry).
I think its quite apparent that PPD coupled with being young/not ready for motherhood and in a broken relationship (plus who knows what other issues this mother has experienced...) would lead to all sorts of feelings of detachment and compound feelings of depression. But her f'ing narcissism, which again, I find to be intentionally cruel, is absolutely unforgivable.
And this is coming from a bi-polar (currently depressed) mother who has recently questioned if having a second child wasn't a "mistake". However, I try and try to make the effort to love my kids equally. I hope I'm doing a good enough job. The guilt is immense...
Of course, there are also good times, when I can easily say that I don't have a favorite child. Right now is not one of them.
But none of you know who I am. None of you know my kids. What we look like or our names. And I would never announce these shameful feelings if I thought my kids could track down the info. These are a horrible feelings and I feel more sorry for my family than myself.
However, I think I am an ok (and often fantastic) mother. My husband is an exemplary dad and partner. This woman and her bizarre need for fame are another story (I think and hope. I promise you all the guilt is immense - and it amazes me how much I want to express my guilt).
@crampyscamp: We all have shameful feeling on occasion. We don't all broadcast them publicly for every one to see.
My PPD was turned in on myself, not my child. Luckily for me, I knew what was happening (family history) and was able to get help. My son (and husband) do have to deal with my depression issues, and the last six weeks coming off my meds has been brutal for all. However, my love for son has never wavered (husband is a different issue) - while I sometimes make him cry with my outbursts, I always make sure to let him know that I love him and I'm sorry. I know that doesn't make up for it, and I feel like shit, and sometimes I just leave the house to keep from facing him and/or being mean.
It sucks like nothing else - just make sure they know your love is there. Sometimes it hides and runs, but it's there.
I think she's courageous. Not easy to write about, and especially not without the cover of anonymity. And it isn't that uncommon for mothers not to bond with their kids, but it's so taboo that it rarely gets discussed, especially this bravely. Whatever happened to the idea of consciousness raising?
On a secondary note, I'm a bit fed up of Jezebel labelling people 'fame-whores', attention seekers and in need of therapy.
@Nodiva: Courageous? It would be courageous if she actually sucked it up and tried treating her daughter with respect and took her whole family to therapy. She's publicized her hatred of her daughter to the whole world. She's not courageous she's cruel and monster-like.
@afiunderground: She never said she hated her, and I wonder what evidence you have for her monster-like cruelty. Also, again with the recommending therapy. I know it's not the social norm, but does no-one stop to consider that feeling relative ambivalence to ones child might not be pretty prevalent? Obviously not ideal, but common nonetheless. You can't force love, and I don't see the point of judging someone for not feeling it spontaneously.
@gerbilsoutofexile.anti-depressant withdrawal back with a ve...: Because it is deeply humiliating to be a mother who admits to not loving her child. And I don't know why this is automatically degrading to her daughter - the mother is clear that it isn't the child's fault. Or do you hold people responsible for the way their parents feel about them? I know I don't. This has nothing to do with that little girl.
@afiunderground: Again, I think it is a humiliating admission for a mother to make. But plenty of children grow up unloved and are fine; they aren't all victims of cruelty. I'm sure her parents both do there absolute best to do their duty to her, and the fact that a certain hollywoodised sentiment is missing is probably neither here nor there.
@Nodiva: Are you serious? I shall point you to my other two comments on this thread in which I solidly express my feelings as the child of a woman who didn't love her.
I'm 46 years old, and this still affects me. And it has EVERYTHING to do with this little girl. But good for you, not having to grow up like her. I've been there. I know.
:I look at her little face and know I've hurt her. I do care deeply for Catherine, but I have just never felt the same bond with her.
'I wish I could say she was a little brat, but I can't. She's a lovely, intelligent girl and has never done anything to justify the way I feel about her"
"Catherine hasn't done anything wrong and I have told her that"
"I think the bond has strengthened since I had Poppy because I feel more human again."
"I've made more of an effort to talk to Catherine, which I've never done in the past...I am determined to build on this, so I can make up for all the years we have lost."
"Every night I go into Catherine's room while she is sleeping and look at her. She looks so sweet and I feel terrible about what I've done to her."
Yeah, exactly none of these statements sound like "hatred" to me. I read the article and, while I think it was pretty odd and awful that the mother didn't do this anonymously, it seems like she is legitimately trying to be a good mother and work on what sound like deep ceded emotional problems.
Between this and the empty nester article from earlier, I'm getting the vibe that guarded ambivalence is the safest way to talk about your child.
@afiunderground: Right, because Social Services are so much better at raising children than perfectly competent and caring parents who happen not to feel a particular sentiment.
@PlasticKali: It's a good question, but I think if it was a father acting as the primary (or even sole as is the case here) caregiver, who loved one sibling but not the other? Then yes, I at least would be just as infuriated.
As the daughter of a mother like this, let me assure you all:
Catherine knows very well, and in every cell of her being, that her mother doesn't love her. She knows it every day of her life, every moment, every time her mother turns her back to her to pick up her darling baby sister. It is pointed out to her every time she is refused a laudatory aside, or a hand is not extended to her, every time she cries and no one is there to hug her.
This woman is a delusional, self-involved, horrendous being. While it is not required that you love your child, it is required of human decency that you treat that child with respect, something this "mother" has not an ounce of.
Very strange also to be reading this today, since I am newly pregnant with my second child (my son is almost 7) and have been very anxious lately about the classic "how can I love someone as much as I love my son" question (I love him so much it does actually hurt at times!!!). It has been the main topic of discussion with my therapist and my friends in the past two weeks...
It is a "second family" (my son's dad and I have been separated for 4 years, and BF and I together for 3, he's an overwhelmingly kind and loving man, but we have our issues, like any other couple, I guess), but the fact is I have no real reason to feel so scared about this. It's just a haunting and terrible prospect. I would feel so tremendously broken-hearted if I felt I couldn't love my second child. I mean, to me it's like committing murder. It is like rape. It is, basically, unforgivable. My BF's mother treated him very badly, and that pain just doesn't go away, does it?
After reading this article, I don't if I should be reassured to be so appalled, or if I'm even more scared of having it happen to me... Goddamn it.
@pilouquette: Just remember that your heart doesn't have a set amount of love - love is infinite. You don't run out, you don't use it up, it just multiplies and grows.
I love my son more than life, but I wish I had been given another chance to have a child. You are indeed a lucky woman to have been given another child to love! I'm so happy for you!
It probably doesn't help, but almost every mom I know with more than one child felt the same way that you are right now - you've already proven your capacity to love more than one person; your first son, your son's dad, your new child's father, your family....
And yes, some hurts never leave; I'm 46 years old, and still feel the loneliness of my childhood.
I want to kick this woman in the face. What about all the people in the world who can't have kids and cry about it every day? How do they feel, reading this? Or all the kids whose parents didn't give a shit about them, how about their feelings? How would this woman have felt if her own mother published a story in a goddamned newspaper telling the world "I hate my daughter! Poor me!" Fuck that. I'm so angry right now. This bitch better not show her face around here if she doesn't want some of her teeth removed, is what I'm saying.
This is the kind of woman who relates to the world through a man. Now that she has a stable relationship she likes her kid with that guy, but not the kid with the other guy.
@CharlotteTrampling: see I do sort of agree with this. While I think she may well have had a form of PPD and is in denial about it, I do also think that her relationship with her kids is largely shown through her relationship with the men.
That Daily Mail frequently makes things up. Something about this screams FAKE to me. Not that this doesn't happen, but the elements of her story just cmoe together in exactly that Movie of the Week way you would expect them to, and the photo has such a weird stagey look about it (studio shot? Why not just a pic in their living room?).
I think DM is betting on a lot of outraged 25-50 married female buyers with this headline.
@Gavagirl: na hate to say it but you can't make this one up and those posed pics are very daily mail as well, they make people take a new shot post-interview. If it reads movie of the week that's cos it's the way the reporter and interviewee are telling it, I mean rather than it being made up every reporter chooses what to put in and what to leave out.
Generally the Mail makes up its showbiz and sports stuff rather than actual features
this story is going to end..... "and then, after years of abuse and neglect, catherine chopped her mother up with a meat cleaver and fed her to the family dog".
01/24/09
01/23/09
01/23/09
01/22/09
Mostly, I'm just a mom in need of a vacation.
01/22/09
01/22/09
In my case, the advise would have been "Oh, you don't smoke? Well then go get drunk in the bathroom and cry away your tears for a bit!" Jebus!
This woman is a monster of a mother for going public with her family's names and photos. I think that qualifies as significant emotional abuse, so I can't imagine what poor Catherine's daily life as been like all these years (the image of her holding up her little baby arms to be cuddled by a mom who will not hold her, even when advised by Grandma - that made me cry).
I think its quite apparent that PPD coupled with being young/not ready for motherhood and in a broken relationship (plus who knows what other issues this mother has experienced...) would lead to all sorts of feelings of detachment and compound feelings of depression. But her f'ing narcissism, which again, I find to be intentionally cruel, is absolutely unforgivable.
And this is coming from a bi-polar (currently depressed) mother who has recently questioned if having a second child wasn't a "mistake". However, I try and try to make the effort to love my kids equally. I hope I'm doing a good enough job. The guilt is immense...
Of course, there are also good times, when I can easily say that I don't have a favorite child. Right now is not one of them.
But none of you know who I am. None of you know my kids. What we look like or our names. And I would never announce these shameful feelings if I thought my kids could track down the info. These are a horrible feelings and I feel more sorry for my family than myself.
However, I think I am an ok (and often fantastic) mother. My husband is an exemplary dad and partner. This woman and her bizarre need for fame are another story (I think and hope. I promise you all the guilt is immense - and it amazes me how much I want to express my guilt).
01/22/09
My PPD was turned in on myself, not my child. Luckily for me, I knew what was happening (family history) and was able to get help. My son (and husband) do have to deal with my depression issues, and the last six weeks coming off my meds has been brutal for all. However, my love for son has never wavered (husband is a different issue) - while I sometimes make him cry with my outbursts, I always make sure to let him know that I love him and I'm sorry. I know that doesn't make up for it, and I feel like shit, and sometimes I just leave the house to keep from facing him and/or being mean.
It sucks like nothing else - just make sure they know your love is there. Sometimes it hides and runs, but it's there.
01/22/09
On a secondary note, I'm a bit fed up of Jezebel labelling people 'fame-whores', attention seekers and in need of therapy.
01/22/09
01/22/09
01/22/09
Courageous? Seriously.
01/22/09
01/22/09
01/22/09
01/22/09
I'm 46 years old, and this still affects me. And it has EVERYTHING to do with this little girl. But good for you, not having to grow up like her. I've been there. I know.
01/22/09
01/22/09
:I look at her little face and know I've hurt her. I do care deeply for Catherine, but I have just never felt the same bond with her.
'I wish I could say she was a little brat, but I can't. She's a lovely, intelligent girl and has never done anything to justify the way I feel about her"
"Catherine hasn't done anything wrong and I have told her that"
"I think the bond has strengthened since I had Poppy because I feel more human again."
"I've made more of an effort to talk to Catherine, which I've never done in the past...I am determined to build on this, so I can make up for all the years we have lost."
"Every night I go into Catherine's room while she is sleeping and look at her. She looks so sweet and I feel terrible about what I've done to her."
Yeah, exactly none of these statements sound like "hatred" to me. I read the article and, while I think it was pretty odd and awful that the mother didn't do this anonymously, it seems like she is legitimately trying to be a good mother and work on what sound like deep ceded emotional problems.
Between this and the empty nester article from earlier, I'm getting the vibe that guarded ambivalence is the safest way to talk about your child.
01/22/09
01/22/09
01/22/09
01/22/09
Would we all be so horrified and infuriated if it was her father that didn't love her?
01/22/09
01/22/09
Catherine knows very well, and in every cell of her being, that her mother doesn't love her. She knows it every day of her life, every moment, every time her mother turns her back to her to pick up her darling baby sister. It is pointed out to her every time she is refused a laudatory aside, or a hand is not extended to her, every time she cries and no one is there to hug her.
This woman is a delusional, self-involved, horrendous being. While it is not required that you love your child, it is required of human decency that you treat that child with respect, something this "mother" has not an ounce of.
01/22/09
Very strange also to be reading this today, since I am newly pregnant with my second child (my son is almost 7) and have been very anxious lately about the classic "how can I love someone as much as I love my son" question (I love him so much it does actually hurt at times!!!). It has been the main topic of discussion with my therapist and my friends in the past two weeks...
It is a "second family" (my son's dad and I have been separated for 4 years, and BF and I together for 3, he's an overwhelmingly kind and loving man, but we have our issues, like any other couple, I guess), but the fact is I have no real reason to feel so scared about this. It's just a haunting and terrible prospect. I would feel so tremendously broken-hearted if I felt I couldn't love my second child. I mean, to me it's like committing murder. It is like rape. It is, basically, unforgivable. My BF's mother treated him very badly, and that pain just doesn't go away, does it?
After reading this article, I don't if I should be reassured to be so appalled, or if I'm even more scared of having it happen to me... Goddamn it.
01/22/09
I love my son more than life, but I wish I had been given another chance to have a child. You are indeed a lucky woman to have been given another child to love! I'm so happy for you!
It probably doesn't help, but almost every mom I know with more than one child felt the same way that you are right now - you've already proven your capacity to love more than one person; your first son, your son's dad, your new child's father, your family....
And yes, some hurts never leave; I'm 46 years old, and still feel the loneliness of my childhood.
01/22/09
01/22/09
01/22/09
01/22/09
Blecchhh.
01/22/09
01/22/09
I think DM is betting on a lot of outraged 25-50 married female buyers with this headline.
01/22/09
Generally the Mail makes up its showbiz and sports stuff rather than actual features
01/22/09
01/22/09
01/22/09
01/22/09
What amazes me is, after 8 years of being completely unable to love her child, she chose to have ANOTHER child. WTF??