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"How Do I Tell My Mom That I Am A Stripper?"

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goodcheapfun
04/02/09

In reply to "How Do I Tell My Mom That I Am A Stripper?"
There's nothing like the potential of never having contact with one's grandchildren that makes people smooth out their differences (provided they give a crap in the first place).
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Tart of Darkness
04/03/09

@goodcheapfun: My in-laws didn't even attempt to smooth things out. They just spent the rest of their lives writing us nasty letters about why they were right and we were wrong. About everything. Then when our daughter (their only grandchild) was old enough to write to them herself, they acted like dickheads.

The relationship finally pretty much ended when her grandfather wrote us a rude letter claiming that she never wrote a thank you note for a Christmas check that they actually never sent her. I think they thought they did, but they didn't. So they hate her.

All of this is, of course, MY fault because their son wasn't raised that way. He was raised to tell his wife to write thank you notes by god.

We were disinherited in favor of his sister long ago. FAir enough, she has narrowed her pared her life down to appear to be the perfect daughter they wanted and needed. No amount of money could compensate me, hubby or my daughter for that.
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cirocco
04/02/09

In reply to "How Do I Tell My Mom That I Am A Stripper?"
"Mommy, why did you and Daddy have me?"

"To help your two grandmas like each other."

"Wow, I guess that explains why you're such shitty parents... that's the worst reason I've ever heard for bringing a child into this world. Granted, I am just a child myself."
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Eric Northman is mine
04/02/09

In reply to "How Do I Tell My Mom That I Am A Stripper?"
And the thing with Mom's pressuring their daughters/daughters in law for grandkids. I kind of get it, when your mom had her kids there was more pressure as she had to juggle many things- work, career, marriage, social life etc. With grandkids (particularly if she's retired) she can play a more fun role as opposed to the daily stresses of child raising. But listen, my womb doesn't hold the key to having this kind of interaction with children. You could volunteer at Sunday school, to babysit for a mom that lives close by, visit the kiddie wards in hospitals…etc. It's really annoying how some people just act as though their entitled to grandkids, you know, screw the interests for your daughter/daughter in law, I just want grandkids. Sheesh!!!!
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Tart of Darkness
04/03/09

@Sookie Stackhouse: YES!!! My thoughts exactly!!!
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WaltzingMatilda
04/02/09

In reply to "How Do I Tell My Mom That I Am A Stripper?"
My grandmother made some comment about me and my siblings never having children (I'm the oldest at 29) and my mom stuck up for us saying "So what if they don't? Why does it matter to you?" Then she launched into a monologue about how we have a right to do whatever we want with our lives and it is solely up to us. She's awesome.
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lalaland13
04/02/09

@WaltzingMatilda(theOriginal): At Christmas, my grandfather asked if I have a boyfriend or any man in my life, and I said "No" and I think he said "Why not" or something and I said cheerfully, "Haven't found anyone good enough yet." He and my mom loved that-seriously, my mom was all "Yeah I've taught her well."
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egg cream
04/02/09

In reply to "How Do I Tell My Mom That I Am A Stripper?"
It is often difficult for adult children to understand and process that their parents have ongoing lives which contain pain and upset separate from their own.

I have to say, one of the good things that came from my mom having a chronic illness is the understanding that my parents aren't these archetypal, all-powerful beings but people with hopes and fears and flaws. Some of my friends have a hard time accepting that. I remember I was going to go visit my parents because they needed some support during a family crisis, and I told a friend how it helps my mom & dad to have me there to listen to them vent, or give them advice, or cheer them up when they're upset. My friend was like, "That's awful. Children should never have to take care of their parents." And I just thought, oh, honey, you are in for a rude awakening when your parents get old.
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Tart of Darkness
04/03/09

@egg cream: egg cream, you are so sweet. You sound like my daughter. I try hard not to make demands on her that aren't her responsibility to take care of, but with a chronic illness myself, I so much appreciate her ability to make allowances for my limitations. And her kindness about it.
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Flackette Goes Retro
04/02/09

In reply to "How Do I Tell My Mom That I Am A Stripper?"
Um, I don't think you should ever have children just to make someone else happy, even if that person is your mother.
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Flackette Goes Retro
04/02/09

In reply to "How Do I Tell My Mom That I Am A Stripper?"
I'm 29 and my mom has said she is absolutely fine with not being a grandmother, like, ever. Which is good, because that's the way it's heading. Why the stereotype that all older women can't wait to have grandbabies? My parents were glad to get us out of the house and self-sufficient. Now they devote their time to their dog.
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Tart of Darkness
04/03/09

@Flackette is a bored flack: I would love to have grandchildren some day, but it's not my choice. If it happens, it happens.

Besides I can hang out with all the little kids I want...I have a pony.
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linnyt is a walking cliché
04/02/09

In reply to "How Do I Tell My Mom That I Am A Stripper?"
my mom and my grandma talk about potential future kids that my sister and i might have. sister and i have banned the word 'grandkids' from being used in our presence.
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Jeenzy
04/02/09

In reply to "How Do I Tell My Mom That I Am A Stripper?"
I guess my future husband's parents and my parents will never be pals.

But you see, my Indian parents do not take kindly to the idea that I probably don't want kids. After I told them that their only chance for grandchildren is with my little brother, I got yelled at for being disrespectful to my parents and my culture. Geez. I didn't know I could insult so many people with my choices. Oh wait..
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Flackette Goes Retro
04/02/09

@Jeenzy: I know I've said like a million different versions of this in this thread but maybe you or someone can help me explain...why do they care? I seriously don't get it. I have pretty traditional parents, but they want me to be happy whether or not that means having kids. They had kids and did their thing. What exactly does it mean to them other than having a baby to play with? I guess some people are into carrying on the family line and all but...I don't know. It seems really selfish to me whenever I hear parents pressuring their kids to "give them" grandchildren, like they're birthday presents instead of humans.
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hello.kitty
04/02/09

@Jeenzy: @Flackette is a bored flack: Because we don't just owe our parents, we are suppose to show our gratitude to every generation before.
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MissyMcCLung
04/02/09

@Flackette is a bored flack: I honestly think that if my kids didn't want kids I would feel like I had screwed up. I would somehow have failed to show the joy and delight that they bring to my life and would be heartbroken to know my children would not experience that.

I know that kids aren't for everyone, and that's fine. But they are wonderful, mindblowingly awesome, and loving someone the way you love your kids is the biggest best feeling I have ever had. For my kids to never know that joy would be really upsetting - though I will try not to express that to them and encourage them to make their own choices.

Another reason (which I also said elsewhere) is that through having kids I have been astounded to realise how much my parents love me. Frankly, I'd like my know to know one day how loved they are too.

Do these reasons make sense at all? They are more emotional than rational, but the best explanation I can come up with. Oooh - also babies are sweet, and the more cuddle time I get in my life the better my life will be.
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hello.kitty
04/02/09

@Jeenzy: And another thing, your brother, and his sons, are the namesakes. You, the daughter will/should be providing actual care and emotional support to your parents during their infirmed years. Right?
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Shamrockette
04/02/09

In reply to "How Do I Tell My Mom That I Am A Stripper?"
YAY!

Thank you for answering my question, Jessica's mom!

I've definitely debated talking to my mother about her obsessing over him (it's been over a freaking year since we broke up and we only dated for three months), but previous attempts have ended in arguing and yelling.

If this continues, I don't know what I'm going to do, since the guys I bring back are guys that I like. And to hear that she doesn't like them hurts so much...

If it comes down to it, I'm not going to introduce the guys unless we're super-serious.
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Mkp-hearts-NYC
04/02/09

@Shamrockette is NOT an internet addict!: I think that's just a good policy generally.

My mom still asks about a guy I dated in 8th grade and stayed friends with throughout high school. So yeah, I don't tell her when I've just started seeing someone unless I want to be reminded that "You should never have sex."
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JessicaLovejoy: Laughing, riding, cornholing!
04/02/09

In reply to "How Do I Tell My Mom That I Am A Stripper?"
almost totally Korean child?

I'm picturing someone with one limb or eyeball or patch of skin that is clearly Scottish.
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BrutallyHonestBabes (aka Mrs. Sarah.of.a.Lesser.Hobbit)
04/02/09

@JessicaLovejoy: Laughing, riding, cornholing!: My left ear is black. Mall security is always following it around.
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Flackette Goes Retro
04/02/09

@JessicaLovejoy: Laughing, riding, cornholing!: Like - a tartan ear?
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hello.kitty
04/02/09

@JessicaLovejoy: Laughing, riding, cornholing!: I am only 90% Chinese because I got a round ba-donka-donk derriere and Korean-ish face.
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veronykah
04/02/09

In reply to "How Do I Tell My Mom That I Am A Stripper?"
Reading the questions here makes me so happy to have the mom I have. I've always been a very strong person and have done exactly what I want. I could care less about marriage and never want children and my mother has NEVER passed judgement on me, never told me what she "thought" I should be doing with my life.

Even when I called her after leaving the office from an interview for a dominatrix job, she didn't say anything disparaging. I am so thankful.
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Flackette Goes Retro
04/02/09

@veronykah: The only thing my parents have pressured me to do is buy a house on my own as an investment. They have never ever encouraged me to marry, have kids or do anything with my life except try to be happy.
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LaFemme
04/02/09

In reply to "How Do I Tell My Mom That I Am A Stripper?"
My mother has like, never ever mentioned grandchildren. Is that weird? Maybe she is worried if she said she wanted them I would have them and leave them with her.
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Mkp-hearts-NYC
04/02/09

@LaFemme: My mom felt pressured to have kids young so she has been VERY careful about not passing that along to me. Especially when I announced I was engaged at 17 (HA. How well that turned out...)
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LaComtesse
04/02/09

@LaFemme: Maybe it's because your mom has HEALTHY BOUNDARIES unlike some people I know. (Not my mom: my mom in law. My mom is cool.)
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egg cream
04/02/09

@LaFemme: My mom loves that I don't want children. She's like, "No babysitting? No buying presents? No trying not to laugh when you call me, complaining about what an awful monster your toddler is? Awesome."
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taranwanderer
04/02/09

@LaFemme: My mother rarely mentions grandchildren. I think it's because she's uber-catholic and I'm single. :) Works for me! My older brother, on the other hand, is about to be married. Poor guy.

Maybe this is a good thing that we aren't hounded about grandchildren by our mothers?
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Flackette Goes Retro
04/02/09

@LaFemme: Nope my mom doesn't care. They have, however, been encouraging me to invest and buy a house on my own to shore up my future financial security, regardless of whether or not I eventually get married.
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Sev
04/02/09

@LaFemme: My mom rarely if ever mentions them either. And when she does it's in a more "if you want them, great, if you don't great" way. I love my mom.
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token_illiterate_commenter
04/02/09

@LaComtesse: Your MIL sounds psychopathic about the subject. I hope you're able to keep her a safe distance away from your family.
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Flackette Goes Retro
04/02/09

@Sev: That's how my mom is. She's always like "Remember, they're a lot of work! You guys drove me nuts!"
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Cicada
04/02/09

@egg cream: My mom is the same way. I do get pressured for a granddog, however. Alas, apartment living!
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LaFemme
04/02/09

@Sev: Yeah, I think is how my mom feels. Our conversations are also heavy on the "I need money for grad school, I am maybe moving to India, I spent all weekend drinking cocktails and buying shoes" so I don't know exactly how she would fit in, "hey, you know that clock is ticking!!!" without it being completely ridiculous.
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PreposterousHypothesis
04/02/09

@LaFemme: My mom never really talks about it at all, except in a "do what you want honey" way. I love my mom.
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LaComtesse
04/02/09

@token_y_chromosome: Thanks. She's actually a very kind, generous woman who loves me dearly she's just... yeah, also a psychopath. Yes, we plan on living 3,000 miles away--it's worked out beautifully.
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Eric Northman is mine
04/02/09

@LaComtesse: 4 months after my cousin got married, her mom kept asking her if she was pregnant and would freak out everytime she said no. Oh and another gem, after the honeymoon...she was like sooo how was the sex, you think you're knocked up yet? Errr, boundaries much
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AuntieBee
04/02/09

In reply to "How Do I Tell My Mom That I Am A Stripper?"
This is super! Some of the questions that came up in those comments were really interesting and started up some neat discussion. Also, a lot of those questions made me really appreciate my Mama.
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MissyMcCLung
04/02/09

@AuntieBee: Me too. My mom just went out on her lunch and bought a replicate stuffed animal to the one that I (a less good mother) left at the grocery store yesterday. She is awesome.
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megnificent
04/02/09

In reply to "How Do I Tell My Mom That I Am A Stripper?"
Sadly, in some cases, grandchildren only make in-laws compete with each other rather than bond. Personal experience speaking.
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onehotmess
04/02/09

@megnificent: oh yes. i feel ya. we have some major jealousy issues happening on my side of the fam that are just about ridiculous.
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