Jezebel: moddles

Lovely Leaping Ladies World Championships: Michelle Vs. Moddles

Dodai — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 17:00:00 EDT

Yesterday Michelle Obama frolicked on the White House lawn to promote a health initiative. Seeing the First Lady bouncing reminded us of some other jumpers; the ones in ladymags. Ahead: Michelle vs. Moddles in a jump-off. Who will reign supreme?

First Heat
The Champion: Vogue Moddle
Form: 8
Height: 7
Hair: 8
Expression: 5
Believability: 5
Fractured Ankle Factor: -5

Overall score: 28

First Heat
The Challenger: Michelle Obama
Form: 9
Height: 7
Hair: 6
Expression: 7
Believability: 10
Fractured Ankle Factor: 0

Overall score: 39

FIRST HEAT RESULTS:
Advantage: Michelle Obama

Comments: A strong showing by the Vogue Moddle, with excellent form and hair. But Ms. Obama pulled ahead with a higher believability factor, and by ditching her shoes. Even the German judge was impressed.

Second Heat
The Champion: Marie Claire Moddle
Form: 6
Height: 2
Hair: 4
Expression: 5
Believability: 4
Fractured Ankle Factor: 0

Overall score: 21

Second Heat
The Challenger: Michelle Obama
Form: 9
Height: 0
Hair: 8
Expression: 10
Believability: 10
Fractured Ankle Factor: 0

Overall score: 37

SECOND HEAT RESULTS:
Advantage: Michelle Obama

Comments: Michelle Obama didn't seem to get off the ground, which you'd think would disqualify her from a Leaping contest. Yet the Moddle's poor form really set her back. In addition, Michelle really wowed the judges with a look that said: "I've got this." The representative from Japan actually shed a single tear of joy.

Third Heat
The Champion: Bazaar Moddle
Form: 9
Height: 6
Hair: 5
Expression: 6
Believability: 6
Fractured Ankle Factor: -2

Overall score: 30

Third Heat
The Challenger: Michelle Obama
Form: 8
Height: 9
Hair: 7
Expression: 9
Believability: 10
Fractured Ankle Factor: -1

Overall score: 42

THIRD HEAT RESULTS:
Advantage: Michelle Obama

Comments: The Moddles really have exquisite form, Bob. It's too bad their scores are being dragged down by the footwear choices. The thing is, when Michelle Obama jumps, she actually looks like she's jumping. The judges love that.

Fourth Heat
The Champion: Vogue Moddle
Form: 9
Height: 7
Hair: 9
Expression: 9
Believability: 8
Fractured Ankle Factor: -4

Overall score: 38

Fourth Heat
The Challenger: Michelle Obama
Form: 9
Height: 8
Hair: 8
Expression: 10
Believability: 10
Fractured Ankle Factor: 0

Overall score: 45

FINAL RESULTS:
WINNER: Michelle Obama

Comments: Bob, have you ever seen a victory this solid? The crowd is on its feet. We have a new World Champion in Lovely Leaping Ladies. You'll be telling your grandkids about this day, Bob. I think I just saw the judge from Israel hug the judge from Iran! People are that stoked.

Earlier:
Ladymags Love Leaping Layouts

[Obama Images via Getty.]

LOLVogue: I Purmd Mai Hare

Dodai — Fri, 21 Aug 2009 13:40:00 EDT

Since the September issue is such a big deal, I decided to revisit our old friend LOLVogue. After the jump: We're in ur magazeen, puttin werds on ur moddles.

OH NOES. THIS MODDLE HAZ NO CAPSHUN. PUT SUGGESSHUNS IN TEH COMMINTZ!!!11!! TEH WINNR GITZ A PRIZE!!!

Macros made with help from the amazing and highly recommended roflbot.

Earlier: LOLVogue: I Can Haz Locayshun Shewt? (Plus Contest!)
October's LOLVogue Contest: We Have A Winner
LOLVogue: Teh Billee Goatz Gruff (And Contest!)
LOLVogue: Sumwon Elss Kleanz Up (Plus Contest!)
LOLVogue: I Can Haz Wind Tunnel?
LOLVogue: All Dat Glitterz Iz Mah Pantz
LOLVogue: Superhero Photo Shoot Gets Super Stoopid
French LOLVogue: I Can Has My Close-Up?
I Can Has Jeetann? C'est LOLVogue En Faux Français
LOLVogue: Teh Hare Toss & Teh Bunnee Hop
LOLVogue: Tard Moddles & Bahlinceeyagga
Bon Joor, C'est Paris LOLVogue Encore!
LOLVogue: Sheez Over Ayteen, I Sware
LOLVogue: Hungry Moddles & Rorschach Tests
LOLVogue: Carbs, Botox & Pink-Eye
LOLVogue: Good Help Is Hard To Find
Mon Dieu! C'est French LOLVogue: Shoulders, Champagne and Cigarettes
LOLVogue: Starving Models & Marionettes
LOL'Vogue': Scarves, Silverware & Scooters

What Clothes? Urban Outfitters Presents Naked & Half-Naked Chicks

Dodai — Tue, 13 Jan 2009 16:30:00 EST

The models in the latest Urban Outfitters catalog are shot all moody, hazy and soft-focus, in various states of undress. Before we get to the nudity, know this:

Harem pants are, indeed, back. And they're called "harem pants." As in, a group of women who sexually service a man. These will set you back $58. Enjoy.

And so begins the display of skin. Distracted by the fact that she doesn't have a shirt? Toplessness is still hot, apparently.

A closer look: She is actually attempting to push product, you know. The sunglasses are $14, the skirt is $58, the bracelets — can you see them? — are $24 each.

Looky here! More nekkid. They're selling the hat, the bra, the stockings and the duvet cover. Not listed: The bag, the plant, the part in the contract where posing for Urban Outfitters means posing nude.

Whoops! Pardon us as we intrude on your intimate, bra-less moment, young lady. For sale here: Leaf umbrella wall art, $60; scoopneck tank, $24; geode necklace, $28; beaded plait necklace, $24. Are we to assume that her underwear is her own?

Well. The headboard is silk and $475; the strategically placed quilt is $160. The faux-voyeuristic feeling of watching "girls being girls" is free. Creepy and staged, but free.

Kate Moss you are not. But yeah, the 90s are back.

If you buy that $158 tie-dye dress on the lower right, you will probaby button a few buttons and sit with your legs closed, no?

Is this "sexy"? Let's see: Unconscious female? Check. Visible nipple? Check. Dress pushed up to reveal crotch? Check.

Oh god. Is this what the disaffected youths will be wearing as they totter to bars this spring? Desperately Seeking Soco?

Urban Outfitters [Official Site]
Earlier: Urban Outfitters: Seasonal Affective Disorder & See-Through Dresses
Urban Outfitters: Sequins, High-Waisted Trousers & The Return Of The Miserable Model
The New Urban Outfitters: I Want To Sell You This Skirt But My Dog Just Died
Urban Outfitters, Free People & Anthropologie: What's The Difference?

Please Feed The Moddles

Dodai — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 12:40:00 EST

Apparently the new issue of W has a photo shoot called "American Dreamin,'" which features American clothes and giant packages of food. So many thoughts here: America = Obesity? If you eat all that, can you fit in the clothes pictured? And, of course: Don't taunt the models with giant hot dogs! Sheesh. Click image at left to see a few shots from the spread. [Fashionista]

Oh, this last one is loaded with nutrition.

You'll be glad to know that the ever-vigilant...

Sadie — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 18:45:00 EST

You'll be glad to know that the ever-vigilant British tab The Mirror is concerned about Kate Moss' well-being. Specifically, the toll "cigarettes, sunbathing and late nights" are taking on her "weathered chest." They diligently report that recently at Heathrow, "her decolletage looked more like a 40-year-old’s with its crepey texture, sunspots and deep creases." Their evidence is a picture of Kate's...completely normal-looking skin. Now, no one's claiming the model's lifestyle is the epitome of wholesomeness, but let's reserve criticism for more actively self-destructive behaviors, shall we? [Mirror]

LOLVogue: I Can Haz Locayshun Shewt? (Plus Contest!)

Dodai — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 16:00:00 EDT

Even though the November issue of Vogue has a lovely fashion spread featuring Natalia Vodianova, her husband and kids, it was too busy to LOL. On the other hand, the "Chill Factor" spread, inspired by global warming and vacations (no, really) was almost too boring to LOL: How many times can we see an expressionless moddle on a beige background, jumping? Even though the shoot is dull, it's good fun to try and LOL anyway; and there's a contest, too! After the jump, as usual: We're in ur magazeen, puttin werds on ur moddles.

OMG. OH NOES. THIS MODDLE HAZ NO CAPSHUN. RITE A SUGGESSHUN IN TEH COMMINTZ!!!11!! TEH WINNR GITZ A CHEEZBURGR. SRSLY.

Earlier: LOLVogue: Teh Billee Goatz Gruff (And Contest!)
LOLVogue: I Can Haz Wind Tunnel?
LOLVogue: All Dat Glitterz Iz Mah Pantz
LOLVogue: Superhero Photo Shoot Gets Super Stoopid
French LOLVogue: I Can Has My Close-Up?
I Can Has Jeetann? C'est LOLVogue En Faux Français
LOLVogue: Teh Hare Toss & Teh Bunnee Hop
LOLVogue: Tard Moddles & Bahlinceeyagga
Bon Joor, C'est Paris LOLVogue Encore!
LOLVogue: Sheez Over Ayteen, I Sware
LOLVogue: Hungry Moddles & Rorschach Tests
LOLVogue: Carbs, Botox & Pink-Eye
LOLVogue: Good Help Is Hard To Find
Mon Dieu! C'est French LOLVogue: Shoulders, Champagne and Cigarettes
LOLVogue: Starving Models & Marionettes
LOL'Vogue': Scarves, Silverware & Scooters

Kate Moss For TopShop Looks Great On... Kate Moss

Sadie — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 13:30:00 EDT

As you may have heard, Kate Moss's last line for TopShop sold out instantly and is largely credited for the chain's strong bad-times performance. And looking at her new holiday collection, well, it does look pretty awesome. MAYBE BECAUSE KATE MOSS IS MODELING IT. Accordingly, it was necessary to rate the following looks on a dual scale: Kate Moss, and The Rest Of Us. And shockingly enough, skintight lycra minidresses were found to be ever-so-less wearable (by me) on Jane Doe. What say you, kids?

(Click on any image to begin the gallery)

Images via Telegraph

LOLVogue: Teh Billee Goatz Gruff (And Contest!)

Dodai — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 14:00:00 EDT

Someone was smoking some really strong shit when they came up with the Burning-Man-esque "Natural High" photo shoot in the October issue of Vogue. Three lithe, billy goat-ish moddles are on a rocky landscape, under a blazing sun, wearing huge shaggy furs, and the magazine calls it "beastly beauty." Add "hooflike heels" and you've got a lurid fairy tale — without the bridge, troll or moral. It's hallucinatory and ridiculous. But! I mock because I love! Which is why, inspired by LOLCats, here is another episode of LOLVogue. After the jump: We're in ur magazeen, puttin werdz on ur moddles. (And! A contest!)

OMG. OH NOES. THIS MODDLE HAZ NO CAPSHUN. RITE A SUGGESSHUN IN TEH COMMINTZ!!!11!! TEH WINNR GITZ A CHEEZBURGR. SRSLY.

Earlier: LOLVogue: Sumwon Elss Kleanz Up (Plus Contest!)
LOLVogue: I Can Haz Wind Tunnel?
LOLVogue: All Dat Glitterz Iz Mah Pantz
LOLVogue: Superhero Photo Shoot Gets Super Stoopid
French LOLVogue: I Can Has My Close-Up?
I Can Has Jeetann? C'est LOLVogue En Faux Français
LOLVogue: Teh Hare Toss & Teh Bunnee Hop
LOLVogue: Tard Moddles & Bahlinceeyagga
Bon Joor, C'est Paris LOLVogue Encore!
LOLVogue: Sheez Over Ayteen, I Sware
LOLVogue: Hungry Moddles & Rorschach Tests
LOLVogue: Carbs, Botox & Pink-Eye
LOLVogue: Good Help Is Hard To Find
Mon Dieu! C'est French LOLVogue: Shoulders, Champagne and Cigarettes
LOLVogue: Starving Models & Marionettes
LOL'Vogue': Scarves, Silverware & Scooters

Cellphone Pocket Included?

Sadie — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 14:20:00 EDT

There's always a market for temperamental designers! Naomi Campbell is "rumored to have inked a deal with 284, a new clothing line from the Sao Paolo-based retailer Daslu." Nothing more is known about the serenity-challenged beauty's foray into the creative side, save that it's "made for strong women," which does that term a serious disservice. [FabSugar]

LOLVogue: Sumwon Elss Kleanz Up (Plus Contest!)

Dodai — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 15:40:00 EDT

The September issue of Vogue has a "2-For-1 Special" photo spread, shot in a supermarket by Steven Meisel and starring Amber Valetta and Kirsty Hume. The story is supposedly about dual-toned sheaths, but just like everything else this fall, it's about Mad Men! The retro housewife aesthetic. (Remember when Betty slapped the divorcée in the produce aisle on season one?) Anyway, inspired by LOLCats, here is another episode of LOLVogue. After the jump: We're in ur magazeen, puttin werdz on ur moddles. (Plus! A contest!)

OMG. OH NOES. THIS MODDLE HAZ NO CAPSHUN. RITE A SUGGESSHUN IN TEH COMMINTZ!!!11!! TEH WINNR GITZ A CHEEZBURGR. SRSLY.

LOLVogue: Superhero Photo Shoot Gets Super Stoopid

Dodai — Thu, 01 May 2008 13:00:00 EDT

The May issue of Vogue is really weird. From the RoboGwyneth cover and interior spread (do Vogue readers care a whit about Iron Man?) to the fact that Smallville's Tom Welling (???) is in a photo shoot, it's all kinds of creeptastic. This has something to do with the fact that this month, The Costume Institute's spring show is about superhero style, and Vogue always considers the opening night shindig to be the gala of the year. Anyway, there's a photo story, shot by Craig McDean, that was begging for the LOL treatment. (Familiarize yourself here.) These "superheroes" in evening gowns may not be able to save your life, but they can try and distract you from the drudgery of your day. We're puttin werds on ur moddles, after teh jump.

Earlier: I Can Has Jeetann? C'est LOLVogue En Faux Français
LOLVogue: Teh Hare Toss & Teh Bunnee Hop
LOLLost: Srsly, Guiz, Dis Izland Is Weeerd
LOLVogue: Tard Moddles & Bahlinceeyagga
Mon Dieu! C'est French LOLVogue: Shoulders, Champagne and Cigarettes
LOL'Vogue': Scarves, Silverware & Scooters
LOLVogue: Starving Models & Marionettes