And here's a yearbook message to prove it. [Updated: this yearbook note ain't real. Oh Vanity Fair, how you fooled me]

Poor Mitt Romney; all of the money, self-tanner, and binders of women in the entire world couldn't get him into the good graces of America's ladies last month. Only 28 percent of his donors were women, according to the Center for Responsive Politics, while female donors made up 44 percent of the Obama campaign's…

NOOOO! The Greatest Love of All, that of Ice-T and his wife Coco Austin, is going through a rough patch after some photos emerged of Coco dancing with and face-kissing another man, a rapper named AP.9. First, Mrs. -T took to Twitter to downplay it. "Woke up to people in a panic about some pics (sic),please guys I'm…

Apparently Romney aides taking cabs home after his concession speech were told by their drivers that, "Dee-clined. Waa waahhhh." How embarrassing! It was a real Phyllis "They cut my credit card in half!" Neffler moment, yall. Must suck to get slapped with the reality of the assholery of the man they'd dedicated…

I remember how I felt when George W. Bush was reelected in 2004—that pit of absolute unthinkable, desparate despair—and so I guess I should have a little more sympathy for the 150 Million Waaahmbulances of the Apocalypse currently flailing all over Twitter. And, beyond that, I should probably be sad about the overt…

When not busy whining via various social media platforms, conservatives have spent the past few days trying to figure out how two really wholesome-looking Ken dolls lost out to a black guy. Now, the head of the Christian Men's Defense Network has some groundbreaking analysis: Romney failed to capitalize on the "Slut…

Mitt Romney community theater acts his way through a fairly typical concession speech — restating his views of restarting business and entrepreneurship. He wished the President and his family well, and prayed that the President will be successful in guiding our nation. The crowd is mostly respectful, except for a…

Ladies and gentlemen, it's here. Election night. Hopefully you voted. Hopefully your ballot is being counted. And hopefully, tonight, we'll knew who won the 2012 Presidential Election.

Excited to vote in her first ever election, a very pregnant 21-year-old suburban Chicago woman interrupted her trip to the hospital's birthing center with a stop at her local polling station. Galicia Malone's water had already broken, and by the time she arrived to wait in line to cast her ballot, her contractions…

The 2008 election was the first election in which I could legally vote for president and I could not have been happier. I was so excited to cast my vote for Barack Obama that my hands shook and my eyes welled up as I stepped into the voting booth. I don't think I'm alone in that — those were exciting times! On one…

This video of Mitt Romney flipping out on a Des Moines radio host in 2007 has gone viral-ish. While Romney's insistence on a set of beliefs that many Americans (who believe in just as strange, albeit more popular things) would interpret as bizarre is unsettling, what's strangest about the video is how this 2007…

Mr. Beyonce and Hova of our hearts Jay-Z performed alongside Bruce Springsteen at a Obama rally in Columbus, Ohio last night. When it came time to perform his classic albeit campaign trail inappropriate hit "99 Problems," Jay-Z decided to rework the lyrics to be a little more apropos. He's got 99 problems, but Mitt…

Here's video one Pennsylvania voter captured of an electronic voting machine refusing to accept a vote for President Obama, instead repeatedly selecting "MITT ROMNEY" for President when the voter clearly intended to vote for Barack Obama. This glitch is even more chilling when you consider the fact that…

If elected tomorrow, Mittens Mittbot Von Mittingham Romney will not only be the first Mormon ever to occupy the White House, he'll also break boundaries as America's creepiest ever President. Even creepier than Zachary Taylor, whose nickname was "Old Rough n' Ready." But how could Mitt Romney be creepier than John…

Thank the gods of Toby Keith and Lee Greenwood's secret lovenest that this endless, yammering election cycle is finally in the home stretch, and barring some kind of mass craziness, most of this democratic process infotainment cacophony should be over in 48 hours. Of course, the operative phrase here is "barring some…

The Million Puppet March stormed Washington D.C. on Saturday demanding equal rights for puppets! JK, there weren't actually a million puppets because there isn't enough dirty carpet in the world to make them; and they weren't demanding equal rights, although I kinda think they deserve them because they're just as…

Sometimes, when the moon is in the seventh house and Jupiter aligns with Mars, gay icons Cher and Kathy Griffin hang out. The two women have now combined forces on behalf of the activist website Actually.org (which has previously featured Obama supporters Sarah Silverman and Rosie Perez) in a PSA called "Don't Let…

A few days after Obama supporter Sarah Jessica Parker laid the truth-smackdown on Billy Bush about Romney's vacillation and her personal support for the President, Cynthia Nixon stopped by Ybor City, Florida to stump for Obama, saying: "I'm so grateful to be here… because in New York there's nothing to do Obama-wise.…

Lincoln said a house divided cannot stand; we say a house divided leads to some hilarious election season yard signage.