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New York, 7:46 PM
Thu Nov 12
73 posts in the last 24 hours
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And Anna, get used to ma'am. I've been called ma'am for twenty years and have never worn a pantsuit. And I still hate it.
AND never live in the south. They'll ma'am you to pieces. #younglady
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However, dude? Hate it. I'm not a 20 something surfer. #younglady
11/10/09
Gendered experiences are unpleasant for me. It's hard to smile about something that is such a painful reminder of difficulties you have with your identity. I am well aware no one means any harm by it, but that doesn't take away memories and the sting of being reminded of exactly what you are.
I am secretly pleased when I get called "sir", but it is still gendered and the momentary thrill of passing is quickly replaced by the reminder that I'm only "passing".
I realize that's not really the point of this post, but that's my experience with it and why I hate gendered terms. I wish there was a polite, gender-neutral term for all people. #younglady
11/10/09
Completely avoiding pronouns is hard, but I wish people would just great each other with "hello," rather than needing to assign a label when asking if I want toast or a biscuit with that. #younglady
11/10/09
At my coffee job I was instructed by my boss to always use sir and ma'am and when working customer service you or folks was always fine.
I would love a gender neutral honorific because so many people ignore you when you just say "excuse me" to get their attention. #younglady
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@mustlovebooknerd: Indeed! :D
@keyamarie: Me too. Especially strangers, as you have nothing to base their preferences on, and you basically have to just venture a guess.
@Sir: I could see that. Aren't female higher-ups in the armed forced called "sir"? I thought they were, but I could be wrong. Living languages!
@lurkerbynature: I wonder how many people would respond favorably to a gender-neutral honorific? #younglady
11/10/09
If the guys I work with call me sweetie or honey, the fight is on. And now that I am in my mid-30s, I'm learning to deal with "ma'am". What else should someone call me? #younglady
11/10/09
I loathe strangers calling me sweetie, honey, baby, or dear. I ain't your fucking sweetie - and I've said that to waitresses.
I'm going to be 54 in a couple of weeks. Don't condescend to me by calling me "young lady." I'll snark ya. Hard. #younglady
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I'm going to give sweet old ladies a bad name. #younglady
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I am 50. Ma'am is just fine with me. "Dear," coming from a younger woman, sounds dismissive and is made worse by the treacly intonation in which it is sometimes delivered.
I may no longer be young and "hot", but neither am I laid up in a rest home eating tapioca. (and I'll hate being called "dear" then, as well.)
So - to the waitress who called me that last week - Call me "Dear" one more time and I'll take your boyfriend to the walk-in. ;-) #younglady
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It seems that even though, in modern American English, we don't have such rigid rules, we remain hung up on a woman's age and marital status. You have the Ms./Miss/Mrs. debate. Most women don't enjoy getting ma'am-ed, regardless of their age. It seems that even with something as simple as how to politely address a stranger, women can't escape society's effort to categorize and minimize them.
I loved how on Battlestar Galactica, their military was so aggressively egalitarian that any superior officer would be addressed as sir, regardless of gender. Honestly, why should it matter what gender someone is if you are just trying to respectfully address them or draw his/her attention? #younglady
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As for something like "hon" - frankly, there are places in the States at least where that kind of endearment is pretty standard for both men and women. It goes both ways pretty easily. It's harder for me to find that problematic - it seems more about creating a sense of familiarity than talking down to women or people who are younger or older.
The "young lady," thing, however, is patently ageist and sexist in the sense that it's diminutive. And what I've recently gotten really sick of, and have had to train myself not to do, is the tendency to refer to grown women as "girls." #younglady
11/10/09
Here in Florida, and the South in general, women are always called Miss Firstname (like Miss Heather) even when they are very familiar, by both adults and children. I hate that. I don't know why. #younglady
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