Jezebel: miss teen usa

Dine N' De-Crown

Maria — Wed, 22 Oct 2008 09:20:00 EDT

Lindsay Evans was stripped of her Miss Louisiana Teen USA tiara yesterday after she and three friends were arrested for running out on a $46.07 restaurant bill in Bossier City, Louisiana over the weekend. Cops caught up with Evans and her pals after Evans mistakenly left behind her purse and a bag of pot at the restaurant. Oops! Evans says that she paid her share of the bill with "a nice crisp 20" and that she is "only human" for leaving her purse and pot behind when she decided to run out with her pals. [NY Post, TMZ]

An observant shopper tipped us off to this...

Slut Machine — Mon, 07 Jan 2008 13:50:00 EST

An observant shopper tipped us off to this T-shirt, inspired by our gal Lauren Caitlin Upton, Miss Teen South Carolina, and her answer to a question about maps. And in case you forgot, here's it is transcribed: "I personally believe that US Americans are unable to do so because some people out there in our nation don't have maps and I believe that our education like such as in South Africa and The Iraq everywhere like such as and I believe that they should our education over here in the US should help the US or should help South Africa and should help The Iraq and the Asian countries so we will be able to build up our future for our children." [Busted Tees]

Miss Teen South Carolina Is Still Kinda Famous, Appears On Tyra

Slut Machine — Fri, 04 Jan 2008 17:00:00 EST

Tyra is finally back with all new episodes, and yesterday's show was all about embarrassing moments, something we're sure TyTy knows a thing or two about. Her first guest was Lauren Caitlin Upton, aka Miss Teen South Carolina, aka The Iraq and South Africa Such As. She seems to be taking the whole public humiliation thing really well. She dishes some dirt, like about how the girl who was actually crowned Miss USA 2007 is all pissed that Upton is the one who got famous. But the best thing about the whole segment is how far up Upton's butt Tyra is. She is so excited to meet her she embarrasses herself just by gushing.

Earlier: Miss Teen USA 2007: Stupid Answers To Stupid Questions

'Pageant Place': Miss Teen USA Has Gas

Tracie — Thu, 25 Oct 2007 14:30:00 EDT

Here's what we learned on last night's Pageant Place: Miss Teen USA Katie (the one who ratted out Tara Conner for being a cokehead) is uncouth, belches loudly and often, and spends lots of time on the phone with her boyfriend, facts that inspired Miss USA Rachel (the one who fell on her ass in the Miss Universe competition) to refer to her as a "teenybopper." Wrong move! According to Katie, such a statement is "the meanest thing you could say to anyone", and, naturally, a verbal fight ensued. Clip above.

MTV's Beauty Queens: Fun, Ditsy, And Vindictive

Tracie — Thu, 11 Oct 2007 17:30:00 EDT

So, judging by last night's episode, MTV's Pageant Place — which follows the reign and cohabitation of Miss Universe, Miss USA, and Miss Teen USA — has lots of potential, due to a curve ball thrown at the beauty queens: Former Miss USA, the famously-rehabbed Tara Conner, moves into the house with them. Also, Miss Universe, an impossibly-tall Japanese girl — who had to show her Miss Universe sash as ID in the airport after forgetting her passport — is totally awesome. When she moved into the apartment and saw her bedroom she screamed "Oooh! Pink!" and clapped her hands.

Miss Teen South Carolina To 'Facebook' Frenemies: Victory Is Myn!

Moe — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 12:15:00 EDT

Geopolitics whiz Miss Teen South Carolina has a message for all her jealous Facebook friends and frenemies, one of whom just won the "Most Valuable Tipster" designation here at Jezebel. "I like the attention," she writes on her 'Wall'. Why? Because it provides her with a platform from which to voice her opinions on a variety of worthy causes, namely, how anyone who feels her stupidity was an embarrassment to our country just shouldn't be allowed to procreate.

All these girls are grown girls, but they sure dont act like it. They are all imature and need to grow up. I hope yall aren't planning on starting a family, because your kids would grow up in a mean world.

Spoken like the leader of the next Khmer Rouge! After the jump, Lauren Caitlin Upton's impassioned defense of her answer to what admittedly, was "not the easiest question", followed by her "Wall of Meanness," a collection of her most hateful emails (and her withering responses), which will stand forever as a testament to her triumph in the face of hate and the time-tested ability, in the face of national disgust, of an overabundance of cleavage and self-esteem to prevail.

ok to all the jealous girls out here

this is for you

i am not stupid

that question that i got at miss teen usa was not the easiest question and with ten million people watching me LIVE, i was nervous

yeah like you wouldn't be

so to you girls out there.

get a life and stop being so mean

i did not even have time to think about it

i am smart, not a dumb blonde like you think

kthanks

Okay, just briefly to refresh. Here, in text form, the captivating display of eloquence that won Miss Upton an appearance on the Today Show and her very own online geography quiz:

I personally believe the U.S. Americans are unable to do so because some people out there in our nation don't have maps and I believe that our education like such as in South Africa and the Iraq everywhere like such as and I believe they should our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S. or should help South Africa or should help the Iraq and Asian countries so we will be able to build up our future for us.

With every silver lining, of course, lurk dark clouds of internet hatred. Mercifully, a positive attitude can prevail, as she displays in her "Favorite Quotes" section:

Wall of Meanness Sarah Womack Today at 7:59am Report Message
Are you the dumb bitch that humiliated America? Do us all a favor and write an eloquent apology to the nation and then quit the whole stupid blond beauty queen thing and start studying harder.

This one if from a really mean girl who thinks i humilated America. Well guess what hon, you just humilated yourself. I am putting this up on my blog where two thousdand people can see it everyday and think about how mean you were to me. If you mess with me, you get what you deserve. =)

Another really mean girl
this one is my favorite.

in like, South Africa...
Between You and Natali Wind
Natali Wind
9:09pm August 25th
Report Message
You're a stupid whore.

ok wow
so this loser just messaged me out of the blue
can we all say jealousy
this was really mean but guess what
i dosen't hurt me
it only hurts yourself
what goes around comes around
this one is also going on my blog where thousands of people look everyday
kthanks
=0

this really isn't funny. the question wasen't to identify the US. obviously i could do that. what is with yu girls these days. why do yall feel like you have to be mean to other people to make yourself feel better.your not hurting anyone but yourself. i dont care about your little messages. they dont hurt me. so leave me alone and live your own life. stop trying to change myn.

SO this guy also randomly messaged me. and yet again i did asolutely nothing to him.

Matt Slade
10:53pm August 28th
Report Message
You are so stupid...How the hell did you get 4th...must be because you are blonde twit and thats what Donald like...fuck!!!

ok so you saw two min. of my national tv meltdown. you have never talked to me, seen me in person, or even met me, so how can you say i am stupid. can you honestly say you have never made a mistake in your life. serisously. and my hair color has nothing to do with it. dont judge me when you dont even know me. and stupid. i am anything but. i have a 4.0 grade average and a full academic schlorship to ASU. yeah, im real stupid. get a life. your not hurting me, only yourself

The screen shots:

Miss Teen South Carolina Gets A Second Chance On 'Today'

Tracie — Tue, 28 Aug 2007 10:30:00 EDT

Miss Teen South Carolina was on the Today show this morning in a taped segment where she was given another chance to answer her flubbed question on why "U.S. Americans" are not able to locate our nation on a map. We think she did okay this time around (she made no mention of South Africa or "The Iraq"!), but she had a whole friggin' weekend to practice. Anyway, as always, Matt Lauer is the shit, and he gave her a pound after she completed her answer. We'd like for him to pound us, too, if you know what we're sayin'.

Miss Teen USA 2007: Stupid Answers To Stupid Questions

Tracie — Mon, 27 Aug 2007 10:45:00 EDT

The Miss Teen USA pageant was held on Friday night, and during the crucial question-from-the-panel segment at the end, Miss Teen South Carolina, Lauren Caitlin Upton, totally choked when she was asked why Americans are unable to locate the U.S. on a map. The poor dear rambles on about "The Iraq" and South Africa. Props to A.C. Slater, who managed not to laugh in her face, although you can tell he desperately wanted to. Ironically, as bumbling as her response was, it sort of answered the question: Because Americans are stupid! Needless to say, South Carolina did not win the title. Instead it went to Miss Teen Colorado who was grilled with the tough question, "Who do you prefer: Lindsay Lohan, Nicole Richie, or Paris Hilton?"