[Bloomington, Minnesota; December 17. Image via Getty]

BLOOMINGTON, MN - DECEMBER 17: Julia Walters (R), 7, with her mother Andrea Walters (L), of St. Michael, MN, gets an autograph from Hilary Knight of the 2010 U.S. Olympic Women's Ice Hockey Team after the team was introduced during a ceremony at the Mall of America on December 17, 2009 in Bloomington, Minnesota. The ceremony unveiled the 21 players on the team. (Photo by Genevieve Ross/Getty Images)

"I liked what he said. In fact, I thumbed through my book quickly this morning, saying, 'Wow, that really sounded familiar,'" she told USA Today. "I talked in my book, too, about the fallen nature of man and why war is necessary at times, and history's lessons when it comes to knowing when it is when we engage in warfare." Hubris, thy name is Sarah. •  But even if we don't believe Obama is stealing ideas from Palin, there are a good number of people out there who do care about what she has to say - or are at least curious enough to read her garbled writing. Palin's op-ed in the Washington Post on climate change was (sadly) one of the most read WaPo op-eds of the year. • Amazon is offering Going Rogue, the e-book at the discounted price of $7.99, if you preorder now. Going Rogue wont be available for Kindle until December 24th. • In Oprah Winfrey's Christmas at the White House special, which airs Sunday night, Michelle Obama says her favorite childhood gift was a metal dollhouse with plastic furniture. "I really didn't know how to set up a house so I had all the furniture lined up along the walls as opposed to nestled around the fireplace, but I loved that little dollhouse," she said. Another Obama Christmas revelation: Bo has his own stocking. • A new study found that female hedge fund managers are better at managing money than men. On average, funds managed by women produced annual returns of 9%, compared with only 5.82% for those run by men. They concluded that "on average, women tend to be more consistent investors, holding investments longer and processing a greater level of informational detail, including contradictory data, in making decisions." • A 30-year-old Las Vegas woman claims that when she went into labor on November 30th, the staff at the region's only hospital, the University Medical Center, ignored her for so long that she went home and gave birth to a premature baby. The child did not survive. Witnesses from the waiting room have corroborated her story, and hospital chief Kathy Silver has promised to take actions against any staff if her allegations are proven true. •  The New York Fire Department is considering, for the first time ever, electing a woman to serve as fire commissioner. More specifically, they are thinking of promoting Mylan Denerstein, who has executive deputy attorney general for social justice for the state since January 2007. • Liberal blog Firedoglake is trying to get Hadassah Lieberman, wife of Connecticut senator Joe Lieberman, kicked out of her position as "Global Ambassador" for breast cancer foundation Susan G. Komen for the Cure. "As Hadassah travels the globe under the banner of Susan G. Komen for the cure, decrying the inadequacies of our health care system and the desperate need to reform it, her husband is at home to kill the reform efforts we so desperately need," wrote blogger Jane Hamsher. • There are still laws on the books in Minnesota that make it illegal for a married woman to cheat on her husband and for a single woman to have sex. The decades-old laws are not enforced, but a woman could be fined $3,000 and jailed for a year if she cheats. Some Minnesota lawmakers want them repealed, but others say they should be expanded to apply to men as well. "We think they're important. They send a message," said Tom Prichard of the Minnesota Family Council, "When you are dealing with a marriage, it's not just a private activity or a private institution. It's a very public institution. It has enormous consequences for the rest of society." •

• This speaks for itself: Win A Chance To Design Lindsay Lohan's Leggings. [FabSugar]
• Similarly exciting is news that Juicy Couture is launching a perfume called "Couture Couture." At a certain frequency of repetition, "couture" actually loses all meaning! [WWD]

• Selena Gomez is a new face of Sears. [UPI]
• Mike Dirnt of Green Day has a vegan shoe out — and all of the proceeds will go to the charity Soles4Soles. [WWD]
• Director R.J. Cutler says that larger-than-life Vogue editor-at-large André Leon Talley almost didn't make the final cut of The September Issue. "The process of boiling down the enormous amount of footage was so complicated that one late-stage cut of the film actually eliminated Editor At Large André Leon Talley entirely! Clearly a huge mistake, Talley was abundantly re-inserted into the next cut." [Racked]
• We demand to eat Isaac Mizrahi's strawberry-rhubarb pie RIGHT NOW. [W]
• If we were Isaac's interns, we'd probably have achieved that life goal already. [Fashionista]
• Le Bon Marché, the Paris department store, is selling a limited number of archival Balenciaga clothing and jewelry items reissued from the period 1932-67. Doubtless for thousands and thousands of dollars. Sigh. [WWD]
• Givenchy is adding another collection, to be called Redux. It'll be the house's signature looks, presented twice annually, and it'll hit stores just before its existing pre-season collections do. Ranya Mordanova looks pretty ballin' in this blouse and pants, and Redux pieces will start at around $340, this might be worth watching. [Vogue UK]
• Ever go looking for a reason to not give a shit about fashion designers going out of business? $395 Alexander Wang bike shorts might be that reason for today. [Cheap JAP]
• If you loved Missy Rayder's spread from the August issue of Dazed & Confused, or if you just love Missy Rayder, you should check out this mesmerizing behind-the-scenes video of the Wisconsin-born model going through her paces in an insane black leather corset. [DazedDigital]
• Looks like Marco Zanini's current position at Rochas is more secure than his last. (The designer was fired from Halston in the blink of an eye.) Zanini will open Paris Fashion Week, a tremendous show of support from Rochas' backers. [FWD]
• Hussein Chalayan, who just released a denim collaboration with J Brand, actually only wears A.P.C. jeans. Details, details! [Style.com]
• Lucky Brand underwear and sleep wear will be in stores next spring. [WWD]
• In case you need some leather booty shorts, Chloé Sevigny's fall collection for Opening Ceremony is starting to reach stores. [ONTD]
• Sorry, Fort Greene. That random rumor that you were getting a Topshop was...just a random rumor. [Racked]
• Although revenues dipped 2.1% in the last quarter at L'Oréal, sales rose 2.6%. [WWD]
• Steve Madden increased its quarterly profits by 59% over last year, to $12.1 million. [WWD]
• As a sector, retail stocks gained 1.4% yesterday, achieving a new high for the year despite some poor quarterly results and weak consumer spending. [WWD]
• A new state law in Minnesota requires state colleges to sell American-made apparel whenever possible. So those Gophers t-shirts might not actually come from China anymore. [NPR]

Today, I asked everyone who was up and about and able to join me (and one another) for one great last insane discussion of the news. Those friends of mine crazy enough to do so included Moe Tkacik, Huffington Post's Jason Linkins, The Washington Independent's Spencer Ackerman, Campus Progress's Kay Steiger, and Gawker's incomparable Alex Pareene.

Before I go into it, though, I am going to use this space to say something about the people with whom I've had the privilege to write this feature this past year. Every one of them (except Moe who, like me, actually got paid to do this for a while) generously gave of their time, intelligence, humor and early, early mornings to do this with me and was appreciated a great deal. So, to David Ferguson, Steve Ralls, Jill Filipovic, Latoya Peterson, Rebecca Traister, Jim Newell and Asma Hasan, who couldn't be here for this last one: Thank you.

JASON: Hello to everyone in the room.

KAY: Morning all! I think the only comfort to being "back at work" January 2 is that it's Friday.

JASON: Ha suckaz. I am not back to work till Tuesday. When this is over, I'm going back to the warm body in my bed.

MEGAN: My only comfort is that I am back to doing this from my own couch. It would have been from my own bed, which is where I did it for at least a month last year, but I forgot to bring my computer into the bedroom last night.

MOE: Happy NY folks! I have a personal slogan that completely undermines my projections for the economy and the health of cultural pluralism etc. "IT'S FINE IN '09." And thus far I've had no internet connection problems so…

MEGAN: Someone is being optimistic! Sort of like Sarah Palin, who is totes convinced that Levi is going to get his GED and Bristol will head back to school next week to finish high school.

MOE: And I'm SO going back to bed for which I remembered to swipe an old blanket from my parents' house, holy shit it's cold. Were any of you guys in DC over the 75-degree break?

MEGAN: Nah, I was in upstate NY, but it totally hit like 47, which is like 70.

KAY: I got back in DC on Monday, and let me tell you — it's way warmer here than in Minnesota.

JASON: DC has been fluctuating between wind chill frigidity and "Let's just skip right to May" for the past two weeks.

MEGAN: In honor of Moe, I think we ought to discuss Peggy Noonan's new columnin which she suggests C-sections are classist, admits to awkward segues, calls Hillary Clinton more glamorous than Caroline Kennedy and wishes for her to be more of a princess. And I'm not even done reading it yet.

JASON: That sounds like a lot of pure Noonantastic WONDERMENT for just one column.

MEGAN: Wait! I just got to the part where she speculates on a run by Jenna Bush for the Senate seat from Texas in 2053. She's sure Jenna couldn't win.

JASON: Her columns are like classist C-sections for my BRAIN.

MOE: I wonder which one of those two is proudest of their moms. And does being a national symbol of American stupidity have any effect on your kids' value of education? Guess we'll see! Also: fuck Caroline Kennedy, and also fuck Israel. And Jenna has my vote.

MEGAN: Well, not that anyone outside of Albany cares, but Asseumbly Speaker Sheldon Silver who spent the 12 years of Pataki's tenure in office more or less rolling over like an obedient puppy — I predict great things for him when he runs for a House seat — is rolling over like an obedient puppy and dropping his opposition to her so that David Paterson isn't mad at him.

SPENCER: [enters the room] Jesus, all of you woke up earlier than I did.

KAY: Fear the wrath of David P, Sheldon Silver. Fear it.

MEGAN: Shelly really needs a good belly rub, David. Go ahead, it's fine, he won't bite, he doesn't even have teeth.

JASON: Noonan: "The thing about America is it is always ahead of the clichés, always one step ahead of an assumed limit." OY. Someone needs to go to her work and knock the dicks out of her mouth.

MOE: This column is so classic Peggy. "I hate glamorous rarefied New York and all its superficial beautiful people! Whatever became of true glamorous beauty? You know, the old "up by my bootstraps and enormous discipline" type of beauty, which is the only type that is authentic! Here's what God has been telling me…"

JASON: HA! YES.

SPENCER: New York is not interesting. Authenticity is not interesting. Lack of authenticity is not interesting. New York arrivistes who write about New York are not interesting. New York natives who complain about New York arrivisites are not interesting.

MEGAN: It's completely awesome:

This is one reason modern political dynasties tend to have a deleterious effect on our politics. When you get new people in the process who think politics is about meaning, they tend to bring the meaning with them. On the other hand, those who've learned that politics is about small and shallow things, and the romance of dynasties, bring that with them. (They also bring old retainers, sycophants, and ingrained money lines, none of which help the common weal.) Those who are just born into it and just want to continue it, bring a certain ambivalence. And signal it. They're always slouching toward victory.

No, Peggy, that's what happens when you bring new staffers on board. New politicians are never really new, just new to whatever office they've advanced themselves into by shallow things like campaigns — except for the rare exception like the new New Orleans Congressman Cao. I just get annoyed that all this subtext is still about Reagan. She's got a bigger hard-on for Reagan than practically anyone else in politics, and more than Condi has for Bush. Peggy should know from politicians bringing sycophants to Washington.

MOE: Yeah well there's the subtext, but this column is not about 1980. It is: Barack Obama —at least he's not a Clinton! Hillary Clinton — at least he's not a Kennedy! I wonder if Michelle Obama had a C-section? The answer to that question could really assist my struggle to decide how I/God feel about her character!

JASON: I am enjoying Dexter Filkins latest article on Afghanistan. The headline is fantastic. "Bribes Corrode Afghans’ Trust in Government." It's a total WOW HOW DID ALL OF THIS STUFF HAPPEN ACCOUNT.

Kept afloat by billions of dollars in American and other foreign aid, the government of Afghanistan is shot through with corruption and graft. From the lowliest traffic policeman to the family of President Hamid Karzai himself, the state built on the ruins of the Taliban government seven years ago now often seems to exist for little more than the enrichment of those who run it.

The system works!

SPENCER: Where have I read that story before?

MOE: I have skimmed the whole first page and there is no mention of erectile dysfunction. The Post wins.

KAY: This line is pretty awesome, though: "pharmaceutical enhancements for aging patriarchs with slumping libidos" Maybe they're slumping toward victory, er, an erection.

MEGAN: I mean, I don't think Viagra gives a man his libido back, as libido is sexual desire, no? It gives him back the ability to have an erection back, which if he didn't have a libido wouldn't be necessary anyway.

MOE: I think the ability to get an erection def affects a dude's libido. They're simple that way, etc. etc.

SPENCER: Not that Linkins and I would know, high-five.

JASON: HAHA. Give me another decade. In my family, our prostates are like ticking time bombs.

MOE: Oooooh I am a total prostate "expert" and my advice is: limit animal product intake, quit smoking, etc. etc. It is so cold I have almost personally quit smoking and I don't even have a prostate!

SPENCER: And speaking of. Notice the voice of defiance raised by Jim O'Bierne — husband of National Review's Kate — in opposition to the temerity shown by Barack Obama for staffing his own Pentagon. O'Beirne was so committed to quality public service that when he was in charge of hiring people for the occupation of Iraq he asked whether they voted for Al Gore and solicited their thoughts on Roe.

MEGAN: Oh, God, you know, I read about that memo earlier this week and I thought it seemed pretty fucking whiny for a political appointee to bitch to other political appointees that their tenure serving a partisan President would end with the inauguration of one with a different party, but I didn't realize that!

However, he said, if employees "harbor residual doubts" then they can "content yourself with the likelihood that it was your outstanding performance as a Bush appointee that drew the opposition's attention to you."

Yeah, the Bush Pentagon: a paragon of public service and outstanding bureaucratic performances.

SPENCER: For the last CH, answer this for me, will you? Why do you people read Peggy Noonan? You have singlehandedly doubled her readership by making her a staple of this feature. And for what? She's irrelevant.

MOE: I like her sentences. Tom Frank does too, he told me.

SPENCER: Namedropper.

MOE: She's not irrelevant. She's always the most-clicked shit on that shit.

MEGAN: She's Peggy! She's the right's answer to Maureen Dowd, and also far more readable than just about any major newspaper columnist who subscribes to a similar philosophy.

MOE: Reading Dowd is painful. Reading Noonan is fun!

KAY: Also shorter than Camille Paglia columns.

JASON: I think Peggy Noonan is widely read for her MAGICAL THINKING. And also because every column is like a puzzlebook, leading readers to the location of her secret stash of laudanum.

MEGAN: Man, I want to share in her secret stash of laudanum.

JASON: I will find it! It will be a mjor component of being fine in '09.

MEGAN: Also, in my head, when I typed "She's Peggy!" was a chorus of dancers doing jazz hands. So maybe I don't need the laudanum after all.

JASON: No. YOU NEED THE LAUDANUM.

MOE: Camile Paglia is too vicious. Noonan has a Maddow-esque gentleness to her. I like that in conservatives. And I wonder if I can get laudanum from this new doctor. I would say Peggy Noonan = interesting. Caroline ≠ interesting. Gaza ≠ interesting. Joseph Cao = interesting.

MEGAN: The Senate segeant-at-arms forcibly blocking Blago appointee Roland Burris from the floor of the Senate tomorrow = interesting.

MOE: Jenna Bush = interesting. Any other Bush ≠ not interesting. Zbignew Brzezinski absolutely fucking gold. His daughter = meh.

KAY: Also, as a total aside, this one about Barack Obama has to be one of the most obvious of 2009, "To Some Conservatives, Advisers Are Alarmingly Liberal." I think that's ≠ not interesting

SPENCER: How do you make that counterslash in your equals sign?

JASON: GOD ROLAND BURRIS IS THE BEST. And Bobby Rush! Spencer, you and Eli need to drop another verse.

SPENCER: I don't want to turn into Capitol Steps. That would be backslash-in-equals-sign interesting.

MEGAN: Roland Burris thinks the Senate will totally let him in anyway, because he's already found Peggy Noonan's laudanum stash and sipped deeply from the bottle.

JASON: They are writing a sequel to BONFIRE OF THE VANITIES in Chicago. Honestly, though? I'm not sure how the Senate keeps him out. I can't remember the name of the case that applies, but all the legal opinions I've read that run around it seem pretty sketchy to me.

MEGAN: I think they are trying to just keep him off the floor until they figure out something better to do. It's not like he can vote retroactively. So if they bar him from the floor long enough for Illinois to get its shit together and impeach Blago, sign up for a special election and whatever else, then he'll never really serve. I wonder if they can keep him out of office space? I'm assuming he'll end up in the basement at best, like Milton in Office Space

SPENCER: All of you read Courtney Love's MySpace blog, right? Did you notice that her new record didn't come out on schedule? The "head administrator of her MySpace" explains:

Courtney Love is a true artist, and as most true artist, the true artist simply communicates from within. That special place that Courtney holds so deep, especially for her fans is a really honest haven that exhibits skill, versatility, self-discipline, formal and conceptual rigor, and a commitment to excellence.

Sounds like Peggy Noonan.

MEGAN: Spencer, you have officially blown my mind with that comparison.

MOE: OMG if "edgy" "magazines" still existed one of them could have Peggy Noonan interview Courtney Love and Vice Versa. But I think Peggy Noonan is more like Gwen Stefani.

JASON: I'm going to think of "Doll Parts" whenever I read Noonan now.

SPENCER: Courtney apparently has "30 million dollars in sponsorships, "from a prominent feminine hygiene/menstrual company and a prominent tequila company" but I don't think Peggy Noonan has figured out how to monetize her column yet.

MEGAN: Tampons and tequila? That sounds like my Christmas week.

MOE: Yeah but Peggy doesn't exactly scream HYGIENE the way Courtney Love does

KAY: Wait, hygiene products want to advertise with Courtney Love? I guess she's a cautionary tale.

JASON: They need to bring about a merger between those two companies.

MEGAN: Dude, I would totally switch tampon brands for that shit. "Free bottle of alcohol with every box?" I would even start using OB and shoving that shit up in there with my fingers.

SPENCER: CL also has some unique observations this morning about the financial crisis:

Rob Jrs latent homosexuality its recieved psychiatric wisdom that anyone that homophobic AND Mysoginitsic, ( He roundhoused him after he told him0 my employee= that he worked for ME) is on some level a repressed homosexual,
so in terms of lawyers yes i have contacted a few m fron Civil Rights to Lititgation, id rather go deal with the mortgage fraud sitiuation wich has now grown to over 800,000,000 netted by the Estate Of Kurt Cobain and embezzled by a cospiracy of cpas , lawyer slash bankers and a few corrupt loan officers, look at Dovetail enterprises and all the dirty old south developement or David Sitt the Hasidic developer in Brooklyn in New York...

MOE: Oh hey look here guys do you think this means Israel has nukes?

MEGAN: Israel doesn't have nukes the way that Courtney Love doesn't have drugs.

JASON: But...I thought there was "Growing concern over Hamas’s new arsenal!"

MEGAN: Did Hamas steal the nukes that we all pretend Israel doesn't have?

SPENCER: Look, proportionality in warfare is a fundamentally anti-semetic concept. The Qassams are a kind of Chinese water torture.

MOE: Long sigh

But unless the current furious street protests spark a region-wide revolution that scares the wits out of Israel and its friends, Hamas will still face the same painful old choice of how to come to terms with an immensely more powerful and equally determined enemy.

KAY: Sigh, indeed.

SPENCER: Ah, the Economist's rhetorical style: pose a choice between two extremes that don't materialize on the ground and tsk-tsk the one that possesses the least establishment respectability. The "painful old choice" that Israel has to face is how to stop confusing metaphysical kind-changes — "crushing Hamas' will" — with military strategy while providing for the negotiated settlement with an increasingly radicalized Palestinian population, since that's the only path to sustainable security. Sorry for not being interesting this morning. And yes, it's true, the Economist is the least Jew-controlled of all major publications. But still.

JASON: In some cases, even observing the effects of warfare can be fundamentally anti-Semitic. And, let's all remember, those Palestinian kids deserve Sean Penn-like credit for their acting ability.

MOE: LOL today in anecodotnomic indicators: piggy banks "flying off shelves" (Ha ha ha the proverbial flying pigs!)

"People were very upfront about the need to save...the pig is very symbolic of that sentiment."

MEGAN: So did anyone else read about the Muslim family thrown off an Airtran flight for noticing that they were sitting really close to the engines? What, no flying big jokes about the AirTran employees and air marshalls?

JASON: I didn't know AirTran still flew! Weren't they relegated to the shitty terminal at National? I'd pull everyone off those planes, for their own safety. That airline is going to fuel much of the footage for DISCOVERY's new show "Destroyed in 30 Seconds" (which J.G. Ballard will masturbate to, furiously).

SPENCER: I didn't, but it's perfectly understandable, since despite months and years of careful reporting, if you read Marty Peretz's blog America is host to legions of Muslim terrorists, so what's the big deal?

SPENCER: My last two domestic flights have been AirTran, and as dismal as their National terminal is, I have found my flights affordable and comfortable. They've got a bad record?

JASON: Maybe I'm thinking of ATA! Or Braniff! I fly Braniff exclusively, on their tequila-and-feminine-napkins plan.

MOE: Oh…my…GOD. That said the only place I'd ever seen air marshals remove a passenger and interrogate him was REAGAN National. Also can we blame the terror war in part for decimating the Motown economy you think? Did anyone read the Weekly Standard cover story about Detroit on that note?

SPENCER: I couldn't get past "Detroit isn't in fact dead" on the coverline. Why bother creating a straw man if your heart's not into it?

MEGAN: With Obama coming into office, all the Weekly Standard writers hearts are broken! It's why this week's cover features a muscle-y flexing Uncle Sam and a story about lowering taxes, to give them all something to jerk off to.

SPENCER: Please! No Weekly Standard writers are closeted homosexuals! Where did you get that idea?

ALEX: [enters the room] Morning!

MEGAN: Look who the cat dragged in! Man, I hope you're at least hungover.

ANA MARIE: [enters the room]

MEGAN: Hey, Ana! I hope you're hungover, too

ANA MARIE: Not unless it's from cold medicine.

SPENCER: She's on that sizzurp

JASON: You need to keep sipping that stuff for the "fun" part to start.

MEGAN: We were just discussing how absolutely zero Weekly Standard writers are closeted homosexuals.

ANA MARIE: Well, now I guess that Tucker left... (kidding, Tucker!)

MOE: The Weekly Standard story actually turns into a Charlie LeDuff profile, which is kind of fun. And speaking of ha ha yeah don't tell Paul Wall drank ain't "fun."

MEGAN: Is cold medicine cheaper than alcohol by weight? Because I feel like a teeny, tiny bottle of it is like $6 or $8, and you can get booze for at least that price that, though crappy, certainly tastes better. Except for the grape stuff, that was awesome. The cherry flavored shit makes me want to gag.

JASON: I had friends who did it habitually, and none ended up working for Giuliani. I think that Boone's Farm more readily paved that path than the Tussin.

ALEX: I'm thinking salvia is responsible for the Fred Thompson "campaign" actually.

SPENCER: I used to entice hardcore kids in high school to get Tussed up, which created an interesting colloquy about whether cough medicine was straight-edge-acceptable.

ANA MARIE: I'm going to do an awesome segue now: SPEAKING OF GAGGING, what news have I missed this morning?

JASON: OOOH. I would love to see Fred Thompson star in a Salvia YouTube! Directed by Guy Maddin.

MOE: Okay I've gone back to read the Weekly Standard piece, which is a thrilling combination of "complete clip job hackery with no real point" and "kinda interesting." Message: Detroit totally sucks, but that is exactly what one of the nation's preeminent journalists loves about it!" LeDuff disses Tom Frank, which is stupid, but I think he probably doesn't read Tom Frank, and neither does anyone at the Weekly Standard because if they did they'd be working for Media Matters by now. Sorry if I killed the uh mizzzood up in here.

MEGAN: No, I'm sure we can crack a joke about which psychotropic the Weekly Standard writers take to make themselves completely not homosexual.

ANA MARIE: You have a lot of faith in awesome power of Tom Frank.

ALEX: THE BAFFLER WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE

MOE: PAREENE? WTF dude?

SPENCER: Remember when Matt Labash was the next big thing? Why didn't he run off and become a blogger or something, rather than writing the same piece for 10 years?

JASON: Or just in the flexible standards at Media Matters.

ANA MARIE: The Baffler is how I met my husband, so you know, it changed MY LIFE. Your mileage may vary. FYI: Labash has the best job in journalism. I've talked to him through about a million different MSM pubs trying to lure him away and it boils down to this: He gets to write WHATEVER he wants and he makes decent money doing it. I would not leave that job either.

MEGAN: That would be kind of awesome, both the "money" part and the "WHATEVER I want" part.

SPENCER: So the-same-piece-for-ten-years is whatever he wants?

ANA MARIE: I don't think HE sees it as the same pieces. I paraphrase Steve Albini (who I think was talking about the Spinanes? some Pavementy knock-off and that trend in general) when he said, "hey, if you like grape jellybeans, go ahead and eat nothing but fucking grape jellybeans just don't ask me to tell you it's meat."

SPENCER: But isn't it, though? Conservative-leaning ironic detachment, color heavy, policy light, politics-as-absurdity, garnished with ironic machismo? And isn't that what P.J. O'Rourke wrote when he was funny 25 years ago? (I guess O'Rourke didn't do machismo of any sort but still.)

MOE: His Breakfast Table w. David Brooks actually changed my life back in 2000, and What's The Matter With Kansas actually narrated the philosophical conversions of several people I know, both IRL and anonymous total stranger internet bloggers but yeah I have a total TF hard-on, everyone knows this. I dated this one guy a few months ago who I think was actually kind of jealous. I think I would do him over Stephen Malkmus. Incidentally also a UVA alum. But not I do not imagine a reformed college Republican.

ALEX: Hah, the gratuitous Tom Frank swipe is preceded by a gratuitous Gawker swipe. Labash has all of our numbers. We don't care about poor black people in Detroit even though we PRETEND TO.

ANA MARIE: Labash is enjoying his grape jelly beans and being paid to eat them. To him each my have its own subtle symphony of flavors. It may strike you as unfair that he makes decent money for such a stunt, but I guess I just like grape jelly beans myself enough that it's not the thing I'm gonna criticize him for. And, of course, I'm jealous. At Suck, we got pegged as doing "snarkiness on autopilot" and, well, we weren't but ever since then I've thought that if I COULD do "snarkiness on autopilot," well, that would be a GREAT job.

MEGAN: I think if you can't snark on autopilot, you're trying to hard to snark.

SPENCER: I don't begrudge anyone for getting money, and certainly not during the death of journalism.

MEGAN: Anyway, Ana, to answer your initial question, there's no news to catch up on. Obama's election didn't tilt the universe off its axis, the economy still sucks, there's still fighting in the Middle East, crazy shit is going down in Congress that is all sound and fury signifying nothing. So this feature didn't change the world.

JASON: Moe's had some good prostate cancer advice, though!

MEGAN: Yes, I think once we had some good hangover advice, like eat egg sandwiches, take aspirin, drink water and mainline coffee. Anyway, so, I'm going to go code the shit out of this, making it somewhat coherent in time for my deadline. You guys were all awesome, thank you.

MOE:: Oh GAWKER MEDIA, think of all the CHANGE you might have incited had you not given away your politics blog to prove the point that politics doesn't sell on the internet, which like yeah it is not "nesting" but FREAKING NESTING IS WHY THIS DEPRESSION HAPPENED DUH.

JASON:: Bye Crappy hour!

SPENCER: Bye.

ANA MARIE: ::pouring some cough medicine on the floor::

JASON: Hopefully Jezebel will be labelled a "shovel ready infrastructure project" by the next admin.

ALEX: Oh I forgot that my one piece of important Senate recount news <— FAREWELL CRAPPY HOUR enjoy one last laugh at the expense of my home state, NEVER FORGET.


MOE: Now I feel a twinge of regret for not taking any speed today.

ANA MARIE:: We all picked a bad day to stop sniffing glue.

JASON: Oh. Did we agree to stop?

MEGAN: Who's stopping? I have an entire afternoon free now. Jason?

JASON: I do! Though I am hearing from another room the distinct sounds of a cat vomiting, so I had better tend to that.

ANA MARIE: I will see you all in what ever form Crappy Hour next takes, in this life or the next, because if it's first thing in the morning, it must be crappy.

• Democratic Majority Leader Harry Reid has decided that the entire Democratic caucus will vote next week whether Independent Senator Joe Lieberman will keep his seat as chairman of the Homeland Security Committee after having back John McCain and gone negative against Obama. [TPM Election Central]
• How negative did Lieberman really go? There's a video to count the ways. [Politico]
• And both the Clintons swear that — despite leaked reports that rather obviously came from Lieberman's camp — they aren't pushing to keep Lieberman at Homeland Security or in the caucus. [Politico]
• Racist Georgia Senator Saxby Chambliss, who, according to the Constitution represents all the citizens of Georgia regardless of their race, knows the reason he didn't avoid a run-off election because not enough of "his" people turned out. You know, white people. That always vote for the white guy. Because they're white. [Think Progress]

• In the meantime, the Bushies are mad that the Obama folks leaked that Bush will only support an auto industry bailout if the Dems pass the Colombia FTA, as though that wasn't a legit assumption given that the Bushies already told the Hill that exact thing the day before. [Politico]
• Obama released his guidelines covering lobbyists' activities for his transition team and good government types think he is, like, so cool. [The Hill]
• And if the fact that he was able to outspend John McCain by crazy margins wasn't reason enough, it turns out that skipping public financing means Obama's campaign won't face a crazy audit. Raising tons of money means that if they did get some unlawful contributions, they would be so minor the FEC doesn't really care, either. McCain, though, gets the full accountant treatment, which is not as sexy-dirty as it sounds, sort of like how fucking an accountant isn't. [Politico]
• And Latino groups expect that Obama will appoint Latinos to the Cabinet. They are, apparently, pushing for Governor Bill "McGrabbyhands" Richardson, but I'm throwing my completely inconsiderable weight behind New York Congresswoman (and Small Business Committee Chair) Nydia Velázquez for the top spot at the Small Business Administration. LA Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa is supposedly on the list for something (and is, strangely, one of Obama's economic transition advisers), but I think he's more likely to get a sub-Cabinet appointment than a Cabinet slot. [Washington Post]
• Alaska's verified 50,000 of its early and absentee ballots and will start counting them this week to see if convicted and corrupt Senator Ted Stevens will actually win re-election and thus give Governor Sarah Palin a shiny new Senate feather to add to her political cap. [CNN]
• The GOP has started smearing Minnesota's Democratic Secretary of State Mark Ritchie in a misguided attempt to provoke peals of laughter from every Democrat that ever dealt with Katherine Harris and stop the legally-mandated recount in Minnesota because the margin separating Coleman and Franken is still teeny-tiny. Apparently, since 3 people heard him speak at a non-prime-time spot during the Democratic convention, Minnesotans don't need a recount. [TPM Muckraker]
• Noted cursing afficianado Joe Scarborough has earned himself a 7-second on-air delay for saying "Fuck you" earlier this week. My momma would've washed my mouth out with soap, but I could run faster. Not 7 seconds faster, though. [Politico]
• John Edwards has decided to give make his first public appearance following his admission that he fucked around on his wife. What do you think the odds are that audience members will ask him how he's coping with having cuckolded his wife the way that people seemingly insist on asking Elizabeth how she feels about it? Slim to none? [Time]
• Hopefully, the odds are better that the next Congress really will examine Bush's abuses of power next year. [Washington Independent]

• Obama's announced his transition team co-chairs — the folks that will help pave the way for his Administration, not a shadow Cabinet — and it includes John Podesta, Pete Rouse (Obama's Senate Chief of Staff) and Valerie Garrett. The advisory board to the co-chairs includes former EPA head Carol Browner; former Commerce Secretary William Daley; former transportation secretary Federico Peña; Obama national security adviser Susan Rice; and Governor Janet Napolitano. Don't expect to see those names on a future list of official appointments, though. [Washington Post]
• Obama's first official appointment will, however, be Congressman Rahm Emanuel. [NY Times]
• Four Senate races remain undecided: Alaska and Oregon are too close to call; Minnesota is likely to have an automatic recount; and Georgia's results require a runoff. [CNN]
• But, the anti-abortion "personhood" amendment in Colorado and the abortion ban in South Dakota went down by wide margins. [Denver Post, Argus Leader]

• By the way, when the state of Missouri elected Denise Juneau to be their superintendent of public instruction, they made her the first Native American woman in the state (and probably the first in the nation) to hold statewide office. Are there any other barriers we can bulldoze this week, please? [Missoulian]
• House Speaker Nancy Pelosi gave a press conference to state the obvious, which is that, since the economy sucks, Democrats are going to have to set and stick to priorities. Too bad she's spent the last two years proving she knows how to roll over. [Politico]
• Russian President Dmitry Medvedev went out of his way to prove Senator Joe Biden right, threatening to escalate a nuclear standoff with the U.S. in Eastern Europe if Obama moves forward with Bush's missile defense shield there. Cuban Missile Crisis anyone? Bueller? [Washington Post]
• They might be Bushies at heart — and partially responsible for the catastrophe that is the Iraq War and the potential new nuclear standoff for Russia — but electing our first African-American President choked up Colin Powell and Condoleezza Rice, too. [CNN, Huffington Post]
• More than 70 percent of unmarried women voted for Obama yesterday, but half of the married ones went for McCain. Can married women please fill the rest of us in on what changes with a ring? [US News & World Report]
• More than 130 million Americans turned out to vote yesterday, or about 64% of eligible voters, making it the biggest election ever and the higher voter turnout in a long damn time. [Politico]
• The ACLU, along with the Lambda Legal and the National Center for Lesbian Rights, have filed a brief with the California Supreme Court arguing that it should rule Proposition 8 invalid if it officially passes. They argue that, since Prop 8 invalidates another section of California's constitution, it requires greater legislative scrutiny than the average ballot initiative. Good luck! [ACLU]

• Were you — like Glamour editor Cindi Leive wondering how Sarah Palin managed to spend so much money on her wardrobe? By the way, the suit she wore at the debate was Tahari, one of my favorite affordable suit makers. [New York Times]
• Well, it turns out that she might not have really ended up with all $150,000 of it, as some of the purchases included ripped T-shirts and clothing for a 2-year-old. [New York Times]
• She might have to claim the clothes as income for tax purposes, though, and a formal complaint has been filed with the FEC about the clothes. [Andrew Sullivan, Politico]
• Oh, and she got pissy with the SNL costume people because the matching suits they had her and Tina Fey in weren't in keeping with her "new" image. [Huffington Post]

• In actual news, the chairwoman of a New Mexico women's GOP group, Marcia Stirman, wrote an OpEd in which she called Obama a "Muslim Socialist" and declared all Muslims "our enemies." That's what the McCain camp needs right now, definitely. [Salon]
• Someone (or a group of someones) has been vandalizing the Minnesota homes of the entire Congressional delegation. [Pioneer Press]
• Air America's Mark Maron went to a Palin rally in Colorado springs, didn't find hate but did get a shiny copper penny from an old guy. [The Guardian]
• The Washington Post's Dana Milbank went in search of the Real Virginia and found that it's voting for Barack Obama. [Washington Post]
• The FDIC may start to insure your mortgages as well as your bank deposits in the hopes that lenders will stop foreclosing, but they probably won't because they're dicks and they all live in Delaware. [Washington Post]
• Like most Americans, Alan Greenspan is really sorry that he thought The Market was self-regulating. [New York Times]
• The McCains and the Obamas would save money under either candidate's tax plan, but the McCains would save $732,000 under his plan. Yowza. [Think Progress]
• And in awful news, a 20-year-old woman was mugged and then, when the mugger noticed her McCain bumper sticker, maimed. He carved a "B" in her face. Barack Obama's campaign (and everyone else in this country) wants the sick fuck brought to justice. Not in our names, dude. [WTAE, Politico]

Bachmann finally realized that maybe calling for a new era of McCarthyism in which one demonizes one's political opponents and calsl them traitors and un-American (where might she have gotten that idea?) doesn't play well with more than just lefties who hate America. But instead of apologizing, she just blames it all on other people.

Despite the way the blogs and the Democratic Party are spinning it, I never called all liberals anti-American, I never questioned Barack Obama’s patriotism, and I never asked for some House Un-American Activities Committee witch hunt into my colleagues in Congress.

We can go back to the tape, but she called his views and associations un-American, implied strongly that all liberals are anti-American (some more than others) and, indeed, called for an "exposé" into which of her Congressional colleagues held un-American views. It's on tape, which that means people can see her doing it over and over again, if they want to.

She then goes onto say, with little sense of irony after having used her column space to bash Obama for Wright and Ayers:

But when you can’t win on the issues, you steal the election with a couple of lies and $1 million worth of mud. And the media reports and Democrat responses to my interview on “Hardball” have been echoing the outright lies of the liberal blogs. Is it really any wonder people are so cynical about politics?

I can't speak for Real Americans, since I apparently stopped being one when I moved away from the small, rural town I grew up in because there were no actual jobs there, but I'm cynical about politics because I watch politicians like her say one thing, bullshit that they didn't say it and then watch people swallow that bullshit like it's actual ambrosia because they all share a political party with one another and hatred and contempt for the people who don't. But that's just me.

Bachmann's also completely unironically mad that most of the money for El Tinklenberg is coming from outside the district and outside of Minnesota in the wake of her crazy comments — despite the fact that she was elected in 2006 using money from outside the district and outside of Minnesota. That lack of self-awareness among politicians is another thing that makes me cynical about politics, just for the record.

In a small silver lining, the $800,000 that Tinklenberg raised from people who think it's a little beyond the pale for a sitting Congresswoman to question the Americanism of every single person that disagrees with her politically has enabled him to buy his first television ad of the entire cycle. No, he's not using it to re-run the Bachmann interview — luckily, the more she talks about it and tries to defend it, the more the real media will do it for him.

Michele Bachmann Channels McCarthy: Obama "Very Anti-American," Congressional Witch Hunt Needed [Huffington Post]
Uproar Over Bachmann's Comments "No Longer Partisan," Says Challenger [Huffington Post]
'I Never Called All Liberals Anti-American' [Politico]
The Bachmann Effect [Politico]

• Poor Fergie reportedly barfed all over herself while at the Minnesota State Fair. Maybe it was all the fried food on a stick? [Dlisted]
  
• Speaking of Minnesota: Republican Senator Larry Craig got busted by the police for "lewd behavior" in the gentleman's room of a Minnesota airport. Hasn't the Land Of 10,000 Lakes been through enough?! [Crooks and Liars]
  
• Michael Vick is going to jail and rightly so. But lets also remember that we live in a country where the man behind the Katrina debacle, Michael Chertoff, may be getting a promotion. [BBC]
  
• President Bush says that poor little Alberto Gonzalez endured "unfair treatment" during his tenure as Attorney General. [CNN]

• Speaking of Bush, French president Nicolas Sarkozy is starting to sound eerily like him: He's gunning for Iran. Sigh. [NYT]
  
• The U.N., Christy Turlington, and Russell Simmons are banding together to promote some sorta World Peace Through Yoga Day. It's like Sesame Street: One of these things is not like the other. And by that we mean, we've never seen any of those U.N. dudes successfully execute scorpion pose. [ABC News]
  
• "You could feel her bones sticking through. She's on the cusp - she looks good now but if she takes it any further, she's going to start to look ill. She's incredibly compulsive. The Spice Girls' reunion is a huge deal for her and she wants to look her very best for her moment back in the limelight." Alas, this quote isn't about Victoria Beckham, but Geri "Ginger Spice" Halliwell. Note to Geri: Starvation is not what "Girl Power" is all about. [Malaysia Sun]
  
• Yay for gender equality? Now it's not just women who have to worry about the aftermath of hormone replacement therapy: Men who take testosterone supplements could suffer major kidney damage. [CNN]