Howard's surrogacy agent says military wives are becoming popular as surrogates because, "they don't cry, they don't complain at the drop of a hat. [...] They handle everything when their husbands are gone." But there's another, more practical reason — these women have military health insurance, which includes excellent prenatal care. Paid surrogates are supposed to pay for their own care, but most don't disclose that they're carrying a baby for someone else, and the military can't ask. Some disapprove, but Howard says, ""If our husbands are putting their necks on the line in Iraq or wherever they happen to be at that point in time, we should be able to do what we want with our insurance." However you feel about the practice, it's hard not to be touched by the story of Howard, her supportive but faraway husband Brian, and Esteban and Jean Michel, a gay French couple who hope to become parents. "They may not be carrying the child," Howard says, "but they're going through all the emotions with me."

Carrying Someone Else's Dream [LA Times]

All Davis received when she was informed of her husband's death were eight small black boxes filled with Michael's personal effects and a black binder entitled "The Days Ahead." Of the boxes, Taryn said, "What's foremost in your head is the clothes, because you cannot wait to smell him, and you open [the black boxes] and it smells like Tide. Everything is sanitized, everything is wiped down." Of the binder, Taryn said there was information on how to arrange the funeral, but nothing about "how to deal with the emotions."

Finding zero resources for young women like herself, Davis decided to pick up a camera and reach out to other widows in her Texas town. Eventually, the stories of the widows Davis interviewed turned into a documentary called the American Widow Project as well as a website of the same name. Over 150 women have shared their stories on the Project's website, as well as offering support to each other via a MySpace page. The website also has resources for recent widows offering insights on how to face the difficult days ahead. Hopefully in the coming years there will be more government support for these women, as Michelle Obama has already made military families one of her pet causes.

Along with fellow widow Nicole Hart, Davis is taking her support group on the road this winter, planning to stop by many military bases to talk to fellow wives and widows about her experience. As Davis writes on the Widow Project's website, "Finding validation and understanding in what you are going through by connecting with other widows will help you to know that you are not alone."

[Image via The American Widow Project]

What Is The Origin Of Veterans Day? [Live Science]
More Homeless Female Veterans Seek Shelter [MSNBC]
'American Widow Project' Born From Grief [NPR]
The American Widow Project [Official Site]
Michelle Obama Focuses On Military Spouses [CBS News]

Earlier: Military Spouse: Serving Those Who Love Servicemen, Women

There is a real sense of community about the magazine, which is published by the veteran-run independent publishers Victory Media. Because, you guys? Being a military spouse takes so much gumption and bravery. There is a good article (fig. 1) about how to cope while being a "single parent" when your spouse is deployed, and the focus is on letting yourself rely on the people around you for help. I think a lot of women, particularly in a military culture, feel like asking for help is a sign of weakness, and the prevailing ethos of MSM is, it takes a village. To this end, the magazine's website has forums where military spouses can get and give advice in real time.

The magazine is a slim 66 pages and has very specifically focused advertising, like any niche publication. What's notable is that there is not a single beauty product advertised in MSM, and while there are several more traditional articles on cooking, cleaning and decorating, there is certainly encouragement towards education and earning a living. And the magazine is called Military Spouse not Military Wife for a reason — it is inclusive towards men whose wives are in the military as well as women whose husbands are servicemen.

Babette Maxwell sends a message of inclusiveness in her letter from the editor, railing against "rank among spouses," ie, the old-fashioned idea that the president of the spouses group should be the commander's wife, and that the pecking order echoed the rank of husbands. "Don't we already have enough difficulties in our military lives without creating new ones? Do we really need a reason to tear each other apart? Isn't it enough to know that everyone is faced with the same things?" Maxwell wonders. Coming out against girl on girl crime? We'll always salute Babette Maxwell's dedication to that.

Babette Maxwell Bio [AFCEA International]
Military Spouse [Official Website]

Fig. 1: