Inglourious Basterds, like many of Tarantino's other films, is an elaborate revenge fantasy, which follows a group of Jewish-American soldiers as they seek out Nazis to murder and mutilate in German-occupied France. With the name lifted from an old, little known Italian film, and inspiration drawn from spaghetti westerns, Tarantino crafts Inglourious Basterds from an interesting hodgepodge of influences, which sometimes works and sometimes doesn't. Brad Pitt plays the lead as a Tennessee-born hillbilly-turned-soldier who enjoys carving swastikas into every Nazi he encounters. While Pitt is ostensibly the star of the film, Austrian actor Christoph Waltz steals the show with his portrayal of a SS officer nicknamed the "Jew Hunter." Other big names include Dianne Kruger, Mike Myers, Rod Taylor, and Tarantino's personal friend and director of Hostel, Eli Roth. Clocking in at almost three hours, Inglourious Basterds outlives its welcome with most every critic, but some more so than others.

Let's start with the really bad before moving into "just OK" territory. The Guardian compares the film to "some colossal armour-plated turkey from hell":

Quentin Tarantino's cod-WW2 shlocker about a Jewish-American revenge squad intent on killing Nazis in German-occupied France is awful. It is achtung-achtung-ach-mein-Gott atrocious. It isn't funny; it isn't exciting; it isn't a realistic war movie, yet neither is it an entertaining genre spoof or a clever counterfactual wartime yarn. It isn't emotionally involving or deliciously ironic or a brilliant tissue of trash-pop references. Nothing like that. Brad Pitt gives the worst performance of his life, with a permanent smirk as if he's had the left side of his jaw injected with cement, and which he must uncomfortably maintain for long scenes on camera without dialogue.

And those all-important movie allusions are entirely without zing, being to stately stuff such as the wartime German UFA studio, GW Pabst etc, for which Tarantino has no feeling, displaying just a solemn Euro-cinephilia that his heart isn't in. The expression on my face in the auditorium as the lights finally went up was like that of the first-night's audience at Springtime for Hitler. Except that there is no one from Dusseldorf called Rolf to cheer us up.

Telegraph misses the blood-soaked finesse of Tarantino's earlier work:

The problem is that there's not enough roaring or headhunting. Tarantino, one of the most exceptional choreographers of blood-ballet working today, should have wielded a cleaver to whole sections of this 154-minute non-epic. There is far too much yakking, some of it thickly accented and hard to follow, most of it without the rhythmic zing of his best work. The violence – Brad Pitt as one of the Basterds wiggling his finger inside Diana Kruger's wounded leg – comes as a relief. A second plot, in which a Jewish woman whose family was butchered by Nazis organizes a film screening to assassinate Hitler and Goebbels – is more succinctly and powerfully handled.

Variety has a slightly more positive take, but still, not exactly glowing review:

While World War II has probably inspired as much fiction as any other single topic in film history, "Inglourious Basterds" is one of the few to have brazenly altered history to such an extent. Because he carefully sets up the approach at the outset, as well as through his sense of style, Tarantino gets away with it, and is in a position to fine-tune the picture before locking a final cut. Other scenes ripe for pruning are all those featuring Hitler prior to the grand finale, interludes that come off as cartoony, unconvincing and unnecessary.

In a true ensemble picture, Waltz stands head and shoulders above the rest with a lusty performance in the juiciest role. Laurent is appealingly thoughtful and observant as the young lady awaiting her chance, Fassbender cuts a dashing figure, speaks with a wonderfully clipped accent and rather resembles Daniel Day-Lewis here, and Kruger is far more engaging and animated than she's heretofore been in her big international pictures. Pitt clearly enjoys rolling his former moonshine runner's accent around in his mouth, although his performance is overly defined by constantly jutting jaw and furrowed brow. Inferring a measure of self-evaluation by Tarantino, some viewers will take exception to the film's final line, in which Aldo admires his climactic bit of brutal handiwork: "I think this just might be my masterpiece."

The Daily Beast criticizes Tarantino for being too "talky":

Inglourious Basterds fails to be a masterpiece because if you make an epic about a little topic like avenging the Jews, you need some emotion. You need a little bit of soul stuck in with the wit and the cool and the trademark film geek insider references. I don't mean you have to get verklempt. But you want someone to hate a little bit-and someone to root for. You felt something when Thurman, as the pregnant bride in Kill Bill, was shot on her wedding day and her child taken away from her. By the time she killed Bill, you wanted him dead as much as she did.

Masterpieces also need a protagonist to carry the story, or at least one who's visible. The star of this film is really Tarantino, telegraphing us in interviews prior to the film and while we watch it what a masterpiece it is while we search for someone to lead us onscreen. Pitt's energy and hilarious character helps. Waltz is a revelation. Kruger, playing a German actress and double agent named Bridget von Hammersmark gets to hold a cigarette like Marlene Dietrich and speak her native German. But there's no hero, or anti-hero, to give the film traction beyond its series of gorgeously shot, imaginatively written and acted scenes.

And finally, the most positive review, from the BBC, still isn't great:

In the words of Tarantino, it's "the power of cinema bringing down the Third Reich".

Once again, the US director has blurred film genres. Essentially it's western meets war movie, with David Bowie on the soundtrack.

And it becomes positively camp-operatic in parts - particularly in its portrayal of a shrill, semi-hysterical Adolf Hitler and British generals who could have been lifted from 'Allo, 'Allo.

Pitt may get top billing, but he's not the star of the show.

That honour goes to Christoph Waltz, a German TV star who plays SS officer Colonel Hans Landa.

Inglourious Basterds opens August 21st.

• And then there were seven?!?! Angelina Jolie reportedly told one of the Slumdog kids that she is planning to adopt an Indian orphan. The papers will surely turn this into a race with Madonna. [Telegraph]

• So you know how Lindsay Lohan has a $115,000 Maserati but no job? Turns out a "porn king" loaned her the car, no strings attached. Uh-huh. Right. [TMZ]
• This UK paper is calling Madonna a "manipulator" who will "stop at nothing" to adopt a second child. They're saying she dressed conservatively for her court appointment, when she actually is way more wild, divorced and a Kabbalah enthusiast. Apparently Malawaians "take their Christianity seriously." Well, she did date Jesus! [Daily Mail]
• Hmm. Madonna wore a $2800 Chanel tracksuit while in Malawi. [Telegraph]
• The mark on Katie Holmes' back is indeed troubling. Scientology? Melanoma? [Perez]
• Countess Luann de Lesseps of Real Housewives has split with Count de Lesseps. He is "with an Ethiopian woman" now. Does this mean Luann is still a countess? Are any of the Housewives actual wives? So many questions. [Page Six]
• Meanwhile, Vicki Gunvalson of the California Real Housewives has been receiving death threats from an obsessed female fan who "takes the show way too seriously." [Yahoo via E!]
• The latest on Britney Spears is that while her dad was away, she hooked up with a backup dancer. His name is Glo, and she bought him some clothes and shoes. But now that her dad is back? "It's basically over," says a source. As you'll recall, the last time Brit picked up a backup dancer she got married and had two kids. [Gatecrasher]
• Halle Berry is "mentally ready" for more kids, FYI. [Mirror]
• "I'm not engaged. If she is engaged we have a problem." — Justin Timberlake on Jessica Biel. [The Star]
• Miley Cyrus says there won't be any more Hannah Montana movies. Also, she says if you're a young kid trying to decide between college or potential stardom: "Be a freak. Go to Hollywood." [Yahoo News via AP]
• The rumors that Rihanna is not cooperating with the D.A.'s office? Untrue. A rep for the D.A. says: "We have been in contact with her attorney, and he has always said she is a cooperating victim." [E!]
• Queen Latifah is being sued by a makeup artist and a fashion stylist, who claim she failed to pay them. At stake? $1 million. [Yahoo News via AP]
• ScarJo and RyRen went on a motorcycle ride. [Socialite Life]
• Drew Barrymore is back with Justin Long — in the movies, at least. He'll play her boyfriend in a romcom called Going The Distance, about what else? A long-distance relationship. [E!]
• Zac Efron dropped out of the Footloose remake, and now Gossip Girl's Chace Crawford is auditioning. Similarly pretty, but charismatic? Uh… [E!]
• Michelle Rodriguez will kick your ass if you try and snap her picture when she is not feeling well and sitting in a wheelchair at the Mexico City airport. [E!]
• Ben Affleck and Matt Damon are still friends, in case you were wondering. [People]
• When Jennifer Lopez arrived at LAX from Japan yesterday, Jenny from the block had 11 bags. [Daily Mail]
• Andie MacDowell, Mike Myers and Ed Westwick (!) took part in a kilt fashion show. Men in skirts! [The Star, Daily Mail]
• André 3000 was busted for going 109 mph in a 65 mph zone. He drives a Porshce? You'd think it would be a model T or something to match his plus-fours. [E!]
• Congrats to Alyson Hannigan, who had a baby girl — on her birthday. [ET]
• If instead of sparkly vampires, you like actual boodsuckers with fangs, take note: True Blood returns June 14. Season 2 photos at the link. [E!]
• Epic! Law & Order: SVU will be shooting at the U.N. [CNN]
• Star Trek hasn't yet hit theaters but they're already talking sequel. And Lost cocreator Damon Lindelof could be on board. [E!]
• The Karate Kid remake will be called Kung Fu Kid, says Jackie Chan. [EW]
• Friends, here is a picture of Sir Paul McCartney with his fly open. [Daily Mail]
• Friday Night Lights: Renewed for two more seasons. [EW]
• Blind item! "Which pretty young songbird is freaking out male paramours with her overly hairy tummy?" [Gatecrasher]
• "It doesn't mean no more musicals forever, but right now I had so much fun doing (new comedy film) 17 Again that I think that's the direction I want to head in." — Zac Efron, on why he pulled out of the Footloose remake. [The Star]
• "Max and I are really good friends. We were just too young. That's all it was. I still love the idea that we did it. I love the idea I can tell my kids one day about it and I know he does too. It just got really crazy. It was something that exploded. And then it ended. And now we're just back to being friends, which is so much better." — Peaches Geldof, 20, who doesn't regret her six-month marriage. [The Sun]
• "After this album and tour I have a brand new business I am setting up, but i can't say what it is yet. I am definitely considering quitting music." — Lily Allen. [This Is London]
• "If you've got a character, particularly on TV, you can watch him doing nothing if you like him. If you haven't got a great character, you could be delivering the greatest lines in the world, but who cares? There are stand-ups that just aren't likable. They can have the best lines in the world, but you go, (yawn) 'Yeah. Brilliant. Don't like you though.' Whereas, someone shambles out and they're a putz and they get their hands dirty and they tell you what a bad day they've had, you want to hug them. They don't say anything funny, they are funny." — Ricky Gervais. [Yahoo via AP]
• "I think they prerecord the backgrounds in the studio and maybe the backgrounds are a little lip-synced. But I think the solos are definitely live. Because these kids aren't dancers and they're trying to do choreography, that's why it happens … if it happens at all." — American Idol judge Randy Jackson, on the lip-sync controversy. [Gatecrasher]
• "Kissing him wasn't bad at all. Justin's a sweetheart, and the whole shoot felt very organic. It all flowed so well." — Ciara, on smooching Timberlake in her new video for "Sex Love Magic." [Gatecrasher]
• "We were going to a Mexican restaurant and he and I were the first ones in. We sat opposite each other. He looked at me. It was a look that wasn't sexual; it was almost evil. It was like rape except it wasn't sexual. I just burst into tears. I never forgave him for it. It was cruel. I think maybe he fell into what he does sometimes with women. He had no right to do that. I was helpless. I got mad at him, and I never talked to him again." — Cloris Leachman on Marlon Brando. [LA Times]

• It's Oscar night, kids, and you know what that means: a night of fashions, possible upsets, long speeches cut off by orchestra music, and my mother calling to ask me where Billy Crystal is. [CNN]

• Hugh Jackman is ready to party tonight: "Celebration is the key," the Oscar host says, "I'm certainly going to have a good time. If I'm not going to have a good time, how the hell is anybody else?"[WashingtonPost]
• "One of my favorite moments at the Oscars was when the streaker came across David Niven. And we're upping it a level and we're just going to do most of the show naked. Um, well, there hopefully will be YouTube moments," Jackman says. "Drunk and nude, yes. So that's our new fresh approach. It's the Australian way."[CNN]
• However, Hollywood apparently is none too pleased that films like Wall-E and The Dark Knight didn't make it into Best Picture contention this year. [NYTimes]
• Anne Hathaway isn't expecting to go home with an Oscar tonight: "My category is sewn up. It's going to be (Kate) Winslet all the way. The best thing so far has not been winning the Golden Globe. It would have been awesome to win and a lot of people told me I was going to, and when I didn't I realized I was still having a great time. It didn't matter what would happen to me for the rest of the awards season. I was having a blast and so lucky to be there." [USAToday]
• Will Javier Bardem be skipping the Oscars tonight in order to keep his relationship with Penelope Cruz under the radar? "I got an e-mail from a source that said Javier is not going to show because he doesn't want to acknowledge his relationship with Penélope," says E!'s Guiliana Rancic, "They're a couple that likes to stay under the radar and so meeting on the Oscars stage would blow their cover. Would Javier kiss Penelope if she won? Would they hug? Would they shake hands? He's worried it could be an awkward scene."[OK!]
• Mickey Rourke picked up another Best Actor award last night at the Independent Spirit Awards."I just got done talking to the Santa Monica Police Department," Rourke said in his speech. "They gave me a bed to sleep in 10 years ago. And I thank them-I asked them for two pillows, they told me to f—k off. But anyway, thank you, Darren Aronofsky, for believing in me...I've told people in the past that directors like [him] come around every 25 years...He is one tough son of a bitch and he don't like it when I say that 'cause he goes, 'Mickey, you'll scare all the other actors away from me.' But Darren, you know what, if they ain't got the balls to bring it, then f—k 'em, you know."[E!]
• Meanwhile, Mike Myers' stinker, The Love Guru, was the big winner at last night's Razzie Awards.[EW]
• "I wanted to be a movie star. You can't say about work that I didn't try very hard. That really wasn't true. I've always been a great opportunist, but the opportunity was not always there. I had a difficult set of circumstances to deal with, particularly for a movie career. Being gay, really. It just doesn't work."- Rupert Everett[NYTimes]
• Is Amy Winehouse responsible for breaking up a couple? A woman claims she found Amy in bed with her girlfriend. Amy asked the woman to join in, but she refused. "It all got messy. Amy shouted at me for not joining in. It was a strange night," says the unnamed woman, who later updated her MySpace profile to read, ""Amy Winehouse asked me for a threesome and I said no, no, no".[Mirror]
• Lacey Schwimmer is quite impressed with her Dancing With The Stars partner, Steve-O: "His head is really clear. I look up to him in that sense because as hard as he's working on so many things, I feel like I should be working harder. I wasn't expecting how nice of a guy he turned out to be and how much of a gentleman and how adorable he is. He's so sweet and so cute and everyone who meets him just falls in love with him," she says. [People]
• Johnny Depp's real acting dream? To be a Python, apparently. "Johnny always wanted to be a Python," says Terry Gilliam, "He loves comedy and said 'If I could have been a Python I would've been happy." [DailyExpress]
• Jessica Alba claims that a leaky source ruined her wedding: "The person who helped us sign the documents told the press that day, so my parents found out from a reporter before we got to tell them," she says, We were planning to take them out to dinner and tell them, but that got ruined. I was more hurt, probably, than anything. It's not the first time something like that has happened. Journalists feel entitled to do whatever it takes to get a sensational story, no matter how it affects the person involved. We're not really people, right? We're just celebrities."[ShowbizSpy]
• Yo: Samantha Ronson doesn't John Edwards-it when it comes to haircuts, dig? "Two things," Ronson writes on her MySpace blog, "1. it doesn't cost $500 to cut my hair.... have you seen my hair? i don't even have that many strands.
  2. if for some reason i decided that I was going to throw $500 away on a hair cut I would pay for it myself, however- I have a great exchange going with my hair dresser- i make him cds- he cuts my hair. yay! cheap and cheerful! so there!"[ONTD]
• The third film in the Twilight series, Eclipse, already has a release date of June, 2010. But will sparkly vampires still be all the rage in a year or so? [HollywoodReporter]
• Diane Kruger was seen at Tommy Hilfiger's Fashion Week show with bruises under her eyes, but her rep insists that she did not have a nose job. "The truth is she had laser eye surgery the day before," the rep says. [UPI]
• Lady GaGa knows what she wants out of this fame gig: "I'm not interested in settling down," she says, "I just want to make music and f*** random people. I want to be around for 25 years. I admire Madonna and Courtney Love and the way they re-invent themselves and kick ass. I want to do that and be even bigger."[ShowbizSpy]
• "I feel like I came from the dark ages into the light ages. When I first started out, we didn't even have electricity. I was singing on TV before we even owned one. Now here I am in this high tech world. I don't even know half of what the stuff means. But I'm on it."-Dolly Parton [ShowbizSpy]
• Kenan Thompson wins today's round of "just stop digging that hole, please" when discussing whether or not Chris Brown would ever reappear on SNL: "It's not up to me, but I'm sure we would if he had another hit single," Thompson says, "We don't care about scandal. We just care about what brings us ratings! I don't know the whole story, but I know how women can get when you get a text message from another female, so I'm just saying, you have to learn that you can't put your hands on a female." Oh Kenan. Do we need to get Lori Beth Denberg in here to give you some Vital Information for Your Everyday Life? [USMagazine]

The Love Guru:
The A.V. Club:

Pop-culture riffing, winking double entendres, scatological humor, and silly names aren't just the foremost weapons in Myers' comic arsenal, they're all he's got. Myers combines his love of references, silly names, and mindless repetition by having his guru use "Mariska Hargitay" as a greeting/mantra. The first time it's employed, it's merely unfunny; by the 13th or 40th time, it's almost hypnotic in its awfulness. Then again, given Myers' love of the tried-and-true, maybe Guru's compulsive comic recycling and endless repetition are intentional.

The New York Times:

…Which might sum up The Love Guru in its entirety but only at the risk of grievously understating the movie’s awfulness. A whole new vocabulary seems to be required. To say that the movie is not funny is merely to affirm the obvious. The word “unfunny” surely applies to Mr. Myers’s obnoxious attempts to find mirth in physical and cultural differences but does not quite capture the strenuous unpleasantness of his performance. No, The Love Guru is downright antifunny, an experience that makes you wonder if you will ever laugh again.

Chicago Sun-Times:

Myers has made some funny movies, but this film could have been written on toilet walls by callow adolescents. Every reference to a human sex organ or process of defecation is not automatically funny simply because it is naughty, but Myers seems to labor under that delusion.

Get Smart:
The A.V. Club:

For some unfathomable reason, Adams' original Max has been reconceived here as a considerably more competent operative, a brilliant analyst who can also kick a little ass when 99 isn't rescuing him from various scrapes. How is that funny? Carell will do anything for a laugh, and as with his character in The Office, Max's obliviousness to other people and to his own ineptitude plays to Carell's strengths. But Get Smart is too slick by half, and there's little in the script to support the star but a series of warmed-over spy games punctuated by pain humor and strained banter with Hathaway's snippy, scolding 99. In updating a beloved TV show, the filmmakers have gone out of their way to excise everything that was fun about it.

Chicago Tribune:

Missed it by that much. Actually, the new version of Get Smart misses by a fair-size margin. It's too bad. It's just trying to give us a good time at the retroplex. Even if you're 14 and you've never heard Irving Szathmary's classic deedley-deedley-deedley-deedley theme before, it's enough to make you smile. This is all any of these TV-to-screen comedies are after: a few laughs. Who knows? Get Smart, starring Steve Carell in the role originated by Don Adams (though initially offered to Tom Poston!), may well turn into a summer hit of the "well, it's good enough" variety.

E! Online:

Sadly, gags fall flat, one-liners lack pizzazz and the leads generate little chemistry. Sure, Carell is cute, and Hathaway looks sassy in multizippered leather jackets and slit-to-there gowns, but without snappier banter and greater sexual tension, their pseudo romance (even involving a flashback montage, ugh!) feels forced… Those seeking more entertaining fare would be, well, smart to look elsewhere.

Verdict: Oh hell, you knew The Love Guru was going to suck more than Get Smart! It stars Justin Timberlake in a comedic role! Get Smart may stink, but at least it has Steve Carell and Anne Hathaway to rescue it from being a complete mess.

Maybe if you are in the mood for some nostalgic movie-going you could go see Kit Kittredge: An American Girl instead.

• Matthew McConaughey went to Nicaragua to surf and ended up partying at a bar called the Iguana, standing on a table and screaming, "I've lost by flip-flops," after which he was seen "resting" in a ditch. Quoth Matt: "I'm STILL looking for my left flip-flop. So if anyone finds it floating around down there (it has 6:22 stitched into the side), please send it my way. There is a reward." [Rush & Molloy]
• Anne Hathaway's four-year romance with Raffaello Follieri: Dunzo! Could it be his company being probed by the New York State Attorney? Could it be that he was sued by business partner Ron Burkle? Could it be that the flames fizzled out? [Rush & Molloy]
• Joan Rivers has apologized for swearing on a live British TV show. "Yes, I swore, and I'm so fucking sorry," she says. [People]
• One of Nicole Kidman's bodyguards laid down in the street to prevent paparazzi from following Nicole and hubby Keith Urban. A photog says: "I've never seen anything like it. And after about five minutes, this guy just got up, wished us all a nice evening, and strolled off." [Rush & Molloy]
• Nicole Richie attended the Women In Film's Crystal and Lucy Awards, because she is such a huge movie star. [ET]

• Amy Winehouse remains in the hospital, and her father is by her side. She is "still having tests done." What ever will they find? [Mirror]
• Uh, this paper says that doctors have told Amy to "quit drugs or die." [The Sun]
• Steven Tyler was seen at the Lakers vs. Celtics game last night. Does this mean he's out of "foot pain" rehab? Hmm, he did wear sneakers, which seems out of character. [TMZ]
• Holy crap! This "house" in the valley Britney wants to buy is basically like, a castle. A California castle. Pool and screening room, sigh. [TMZ]
• Brit's dad is selling her Studio City home. And Britney will be in Louisiana when her sister gives birth. Jamie Lynn is due in late June, which is fast approaching. [People]
• You guys like Russell Brand, right? Watch this. He has a message for "up and coming shaggers." [TMZ]
• Look at this: Mike Myers and Heidi Klum swapped shoes at a party, har har. [Rush & Molloy]
• As pictured, George Takei and his main man Brad Altman got a marriage license yesterday. They plan to wed in September, in front of family, friends and Star Trek cast mates. Takei and Altman were the first couple to receive a marriage license from West Hollywood, a city that previously did not issue licenses to gay or straight couples. Congrats! [People]
• Lance Armstrong was on The View, dodging questions about Kate Hudson. [People]
• Six Words: A Fish Called Wanda: The Musical. [Best Week Ever]
• This post says Colin Farrell is attempting to hide a wedding ring on his left hand, but shows a ring on his right hand. The left hand is in the pocket. Hmm. [A Socialite's Life]
• Robert De Niro! In court! Testifying about real estate! That would be cool to watch. [CBS News]
• Patti Lupone is working in a memoir. [Yahoo News]
• Ivanka Trump says that when she was a kid, she and her brother found out that her father was sleeping with Marla Maples from local papers: "We'd come home from school having read [about] them on the cover of The Post," she reveals. (One headline: "Marla Boasts to Pals about Donald: BEST SEX I EVER HAD.") Ivanka also maintains she's not like other heiresses. "I'm not the type to be eating bonbons all day. I just can't imagine anything worse than spending my day figuring out what I was going to wear that night." [Page Six]
• Will Smith's daughter Willow is in Kit Kittredge: An American Girl and guess what? It opens the same day as his movie Hancock. [Page Six]
• "As newspapers are declining rapidly… I would just point out, all news today comes from newspapers. All of it. Television has never initiated a successful story in its life. When they have a big story, it's always wrong." — Tom Wolfe. [Page Six]
• Former baseball star Roger Clemens has sold his Bentley to Rock Of Love star Bret Michaels. Nothin' but a good time! [Page Six]
• Singer Katy Perry: Seen kissing a girl. No, really. [Page Six]
• "We're one of the world's worst—but most enthusiastic—plagiarists as a band. We'll try and copy anything but tend to fail, so we come up with something...that sounds like us—only through trying to sound like somebody else." — Chris Martin of Coldplay. [E!]
• RIP Cyd Charisse. She was elegant, gorgeous and had legs for miles. [People]
• Here's video of Cyd dancing with Gene Kelly. [E!]

[Los Angeles, CA; December 21. Image via X17.]