This Week in Tabloids: Ariana Grande Screams Whenever She's Thirsty

Welcome to Midweek Madness, in which your friendly neighborhood idiot goes door-to-door looking for chicken wings and ends up with suspicious-looking nuggets instead. This week, Oprah's car runs over an anonymous foot, Kanye threatens to crack the Kardashian Safe of B-Roll Lies, Tommy Mottola is maybe tryna holler at… » 10/29/14 4:20pm Wednesday 4:20pm

This Week in Tabloids: Kardashian Pets Are Mysteriously Disappearing

Welcome to Midweek Madness, in which an overexcited fairy flaps her wings over all of America and gently drops a tiny poop on each of your heads. This week, all the tabloids are Platonic ideals of garbage, and together we unravel the mystery of the disappearing Kardashian pets, the cup size of Ariana Grande's Future… » 10/22/14 5:30pm 10/22/14 5:30pm

This Week in Tabloids: Is Lionel Richie Khloe Kardashian's Real Father?

Welcome to Midweek Madness, in which you and I take our mortal clay to the Lord's pottery wheel and gently shape a glittery turd to pass back and forth between our butts forever. This week, Ariana Grande refuses to shower after the gym; Lionel Richie created Khloe Kardashian out of his very own sperm-buddies;… » 10/15/14 4:10pm 10/15/14 4:10pm

This Week In Tabloids: Someone Put a Microchip in Amanda Bynes's Brain

Welcome to Midweek Madness, in which a small-brained baby who has not looked inside a tabloid magazine for six years takes a deep dive into Star, US Weekly, OK!, Life & Style and InTouch. This week, Bruce Jenner wears a B-cup, Kim worries that Kanye is going to hook up with Cara Delevingne, Blake Lively spits out the… » 10/08/14 5:10pm 10/08/14 5:10pm

This Week In Tabloids: Mariah Constantly Drinks Wine Out of a Soda Can

Welcome back to Midweek Madness, in which we lose ourselves in the Dionysian revelry contained within Star, Us Weekly, OK!, Life & Style and InTouch. This week: Mariah Carey constantly drinks white wine out of a ginger ale can; Harry Styles is being used as a pawn in the Katy Perry/Taylor Swift bloodfeud; and Charlize… » 10/01/14 4:10pm 10/01/14 4:10pm

This Week in Tabloids: J. Lo's Exes to Reveal She Sacrifices Chickens

Welcome back to Midweek Madness, in which we grapple with the storied and horrible mythical beasts known as Star, Us Weekly, OK!, Life & Style and InTouch. This week: Jennifer Lopez's exes might write a tell-all alleging that she sacrifices chickens; the Duggars dispense some deplorable sex and love advice; and Kylie… » 9/24/14 4:20pm 9/24/14 4:20pm

This Week in Tabloids: Lauren Conrad's Wedding Was Whimsical as Fuck

Welcome back to Midweek Madness, in which we attempt to cobble together meaning using the hot glue of human cognition after reading Star, Us Weekly, OK!, Life & Style and InTouch. This week, Lauren Conrad, a man and Pinterest were united in holy matrimony; Eva Mendes and Ryan Gosling are going to enjoy a snow-gilt… » 9/17/14 3:40pm 9/17/14 3:40pm

This Week in Tabloids: Downtrodden Kardashians Plan Mutiny Against Kim

Welcome back to Midweek Madness, in which we scavenge through the pages of Star, Us Weekly, OK!, Life & Style and InTouch. This week: the Kardashians are ousting Kim in a peaceful koup; Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber are getting married; and Mariah Carey is a "fragile fountain of tears." » 9/10/14 4:00pm 9/10/14 4:00pm

This Week's Tabloids Were the Worst of the Year

Welcome back to Midweek Madness, in which we wearily turn the pages of Star, Us Weekly, OK!, Life & Style and InTouch in an attempt to glean some knowledge. This week was so bad: Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake are "getting divorced," Jennifer Aniston is pregnant again and every tabloid is filled with really boring… » 9/03/14 4:20pm 9/03/14 4:20pm

This Week in Tabloids: George Clooney is Pregnant

Welcome back to Midweek Madness, in which in which we venture through the hellish landscape contained within the pages of Star, Us Weekly, OK!, Life & Style and InTouch, like the last remaining survivors of a cataclysmic event. This week: Amal Alamuddin AND George Clooney are pregnant; North West's diaper cream costs… » 8/20/14 4:00pm 8/20/14 4:00pm

This Week in Tabloids: InTouch Runs Truly Vile Robin Williams Article

Welcome back to Midweek Madness, in which in which we take a mental vacation to the land of celebrity gossip, via the pages of Star, Us Weekly, OK!, Life & Style and InTouch. This week: InTouch wrote a disgusting and disgraceful article in which they fabricated Robin Williams' suicide notes; OK! put the phrase "Kim:… » 8/13/14 4:10pm 8/13/14 4:10pm

This Week in Tabloids: Gwyneth's Sexing a Married Producer from Glee

Welcome back to Midweek Madness, in which Callie Beusman visits ye olde newsstande and buys the latest issues of Ok, In Touch, Life & Style, Star and Us so that together we may attempt to find love in a homeless place. This week: Kimye's marriage is fake; Jayoncé's marriage is fraught; Gwyneth's new boo is technically… » 8/06/14 4:00pm 8/06/14 4:00pm

This Week in Tabloids: Normals Who Dated A-Listers Spill Sex Secrets

Welcome back to Midweek Madness, in which Callie Beusman heads to the newsstand and picks up the latest issues of Ok!, Star, In Touch, Life & Style and Us so that together we may worship at the altar of Tabloid. This week: Sofia Vergara and Joe Manganiello continue to be hotter than the hinges of Hell; Jen Garner is… » 7/30/14 3:50pm 7/30/14 3:50pm

This Week in Tabloids: Kim's Failed Marriage Has Given Her 'Elbow Fat'

Welcome back to Midweek Madness, in which in which we gleefully wallow in the filth contained within the pages of Star, Us Weekly, OK!, Life & Style and InTouch. This week: Kim and Kanye are already falling apart, causing her to eat pasta on top of ice cream; Kate Middleton is pregnant again; and Charlize Theron was… » 7/23/14 4:00pm 7/23/14 4:00pm

This Week in Tabloids: Kim Cries as Kendall Is Declared 'The Hot One'

Welcome back, friends. Once again Callie Beusman assists as we "read" the tabloids so you don't "have" to. This week: Selena Gomez may have gotten boobs for Bieber; Mila Kunis is pregnant and alone; Beyoncé and Jay Z are done for real this time; and Kim Kardashian is in tears because Kendall says "I'm the hot one now." » 7/16/14 3:10pm 7/16/14 3:10pm

This Week in Tabloids: Kate Middleton Is Pregnant and Anorexic

Welcome back to Midweek Madness, in which in which we peer through the looking glass into the pages of Star, Us Weekly, OK!, Life & Style and InTouch. This week: an "expert" who has never seen Kate Middleton in person diagnoses her with an eating disorder; Brad and Angie almost ran into Jennifer Aniston at a… » 7/09/14 4:00pm 7/09/14 4:00pm

This Week In Tabloids: The Hideously Cruel 'Worst Beach Bodies' Issue

Welcome back to Midweek Madness, in which Callie Beusman assists as we quaff goblets of gossip. This week: There's beef between K. Middy and HRH Liz; George Clooney is one step closer to an "I'll Raise This Baby Alone" cover; and the dreaded "Best and Worst Beach Bodies" issue is fucking awful. » 7/02/14 3:15pm 7/02/14 3:15pm

Week in Tabloids: Bachelorette Andi Got Pregnant in the Fantasy Suite

Welcome back to Midweek Madness, in which we suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous gossip and "read" the tabloids so you don't "have" to. This week: Beyoncé and Jay Z visit Gwyneth's "conscious uncoupling" marriage counselor; Jenna Dewan and Channing Tatum are on the rocks; and the Bachelorette got knocked up in… » 6/25/14 3:20pm 6/25/14 3:20pm

This Week in Tabloids: Serpent King Jaden Smith Lays in Bed of Snakes

Welcome back to Midweek Madness, in which we slither through the dry and desolate existential desert contained within the pages of Star, Us Weekly, OK!, Life & Style and InTouch. This week: Ellen Degeneres, Portia de Rossi and Sofia Vergara are caught in a love triangle; Bruce Willis' kids are twenty-something train… » 6/18/14 4:15pm 6/18/14 4:15pm