This Week in Tabloids: Kate & Queen Locked in Flaming Hell-War of Egos

Welcome to Midweek Madness, in which a Slinky filled with loose Dayquil capsules falls down a fire escape in Soho and lands in a pile of discarded fake eyelashes outside an embarrassingly aggressive club. I'm your host, the one you thought you got rid of. This week, we'll learn all about how Leo dissed Rihanna, Kim… » 2/25/15 4:10pm Wednesday 4:10pm

This Week In Tabloids: Kendall Is Having Scott's Baby, Isn't Sorry

Welcome to Midweek Madness, where we open our giant woman-hearts and flex those empathy muscles on made-up stories about symmetrical millionaires we've never met. This week: George dumps Amal on her birthday, Scott Disick is sleeping with Khloé Kardashian and asked a waitress to suck on his toes, Scott Disick has… » 2/18/15 4:10pm 2/18/15 4:10pm

This Week In Tabloids: Jessica Simpson Bloodies Husband With Handbag 

Welcome to Midweek Madness, where I scoot over to Mulberry Iconic Magazines and smile big and hold out my widdle hands and a kind man hands me four magazines, all featuring an identical advertisement for The Voice on the back cover. This week: Bruce Jenner might be going to prison; Bachelor Chris struggled with his… » 2/11/15 5:15pm 2/11/15 5:15pm

This Week In Tabloids: Bruce Jenner Is Like, 'Call Me Belinda!'

Welcome to Midweek Madness, where we hunch over a boiling cauldron, tirelessly stirring a thick, frothing stew of Kardashian sweat and Ansel Elgort's baby teeth on an endless loop until brunch, finally, is served. "I just want a bite!" we lie. This week: Kris Jenner is determined to make money off Bruce's transition;… » 2/04/15 5:35pm 2/04/15 5:35pm

This Week In Tabloids: Kendall Jenner and Lord Disick Are Doing Sex

Welcome to Midweek Madness, where we crush our birth control pills into a fine dust and release them into the Santa Ana winds, howling the ancient words (inTouch, OK!, Life & Style, Star, Us Weekly) under the light of the moon. This week: the Kardashian family has imploded, Selena Gomez is pregs via Zedd but pining… » 1/28/15 5:30pm 1/28/15 5:30pm

This Week In Tabloids: Rihanna Says Leo Is 'The Best She's Ever Had'

Welcome to Midweek Madness, where we open our tiny beaks as one to accept a regurgitated gluten-free salad of Lisa Rinna's discarded saline injections. This week: Amal and George are DUNZO YOU GUYS, Scott dumped Kourtney for booze & pills, K-Stew is settling into a "funky" lesbian lifestyle with her future wife, two… » 1/21/15 5:10pm 1/21/15 5:10pm

This Week In Tabloids: Bruce Jenner Photoshopped Into Contoured Lady

Welcome to Midweek Madness, where we frantically shovel the crumpled up pages of inTouch, OK!, Life & Style, Star, and Us Weekly into our gaping food-holes until, ink-stained and up-to-date on human stuff, we are sated. This week: InTouch grabbed some pals of Bruce Jenner to crowdsource a photoshopped image of what he… » 1/14/15 4:40pm 1/14/15 4:40pm

This Week in Tabloids: The Queen to Kate: 'Bitch Y Aren't U Fat Yet'

Welcome to Midweek Madness, in which a monkey who lives behind a dive bar in a tourist town in Costa Rica makes a Zen garden out of cigarette ash in the parking lot and rakes it back and forth very slowly until he dies. This week, Pitbull tryna get it in with J.Lo, Scarlett Johansson likes to have sex in cars, Scott… » 1/07/15 4:20pm 1/07/15 4:20pm

This Week in Tabloids: Taylor Swift & Karlie Kloss in Super Sexy Love

Welcome to Midweek Madness, in which a goat wearing novelty sunglasses climbs to the top of the Empire State Building and whispers "CELEBRITY" before plummeting down to the ground. This week, Miley Cyrus made her wedding rings out of rolling papers; Kendall Jenner is getting ready to play The Most Dangerous Game;… » 12/17/14 3:45pm 12/17/14 3:45pm

This Week In Tabloids: Ariana Grande Makes Staff Carry Her Like a Baby

In this week's Midweek Madness, Angelina Jolie is in love with someone who is not Brad Pitt, Jennifer Aniston is reaching out, Miley Cyrus is pregnant with a Kennedy baby and/or the coke bloats and Justin Bieber's former pet monkey is not in a forgiving mood. Onward and downward, chums! Straight into the fiery pits… » 12/10/14 3:50pm 12/10/14 3:50pm

This Week In Tabloids: Miley's Coke Parties Have Offended the Kennedys

Welcome back to Midweek Madness where each week we dip a toe into the shit pool known as Hollywood! Today, Kim and Kanye are headed towards ruin, Channing Tatum is trying to Magic Mike his way into another baby and Kate Middleton has exposed herself as a psychic and possible Grand Supreme. Cut with the hesitation,… » 12/03/14 5:10pm 12/03/14 5:10pm

This Week in Tabloids: Taylor Swift and Harry Styles Are BFFLs Again

Welcome to Midweek Madness, in which a small blue choo-choo train gets halfway to Los Angeles and is like, "You know, I'd rather not." This week, Kim Kardashian's ass is as wide as 9 Big Macs, JLaw worries that someone's going to leak a sex tape, and Amanda Seyfried's dog won't stop taking dumps. » 11/19/14 4:30pm 11/19/14 4:30pm

This Week in Tabloids: Rihanna Is #1 on Cara Delevingne’s Fuck List

Welcome to Midweek Madness, in which we line up our collective fantasies like so many bowling pins and roll a heavy ball of disappointment down the alley at the end of the world. I'm your host, a sleepy Pomeranian, and I urge you to join me this week, in which Amanda Bynes is living off gift cards, North West is on a… » 11/12/14 3:30pm 11/12/14 3:30pm

This Week in Tabloids: Taylor Swift Wants a Bigger Ass By Christmas

Welcome to Midweek Madness, in which previously sentient humanity undergoes a series of arcane transubstantive rituals at the hands of the Lucky Charms leprechaun and ends up as a bunch of marshmallows floating in the amniotic milk at the bottom of the bowl. This week, a biographer threatens to spill all of Beyonce's… » 11/05/14 3:10pm 11/05/14 3:10pm

This Week in Tabloids: Ariana Grande Screams Whenever She's Thirsty

Welcome to Midweek Madness, in which your friendly neighborhood idiot goes door-to-door looking for chicken wings and ends up with suspicious-looking nuggets instead. This week, Oprah's car runs over an anonymous foot, Kanye threatens to crack the Kardashian Safe of B-Roll Lies, Tommy Mottola is maybe tryna holler… » 10/29/14 4:20pm 10/29/14 4:20pm

This Week in Tabloids: Kardashian Pets Are Mysteriously Disappearing

Welcome to Midweek Madness, in which an overexcited fairy flaps her wings over all of America and gently drops a tiny poop on each of your heads. This week, all the tabloids are Platonic ideals of garbage, and together we unravel the mystery of the disappearing Kardashian pets, the cup size of Ariana Grande's Future… » 10/22/14 5:30pm 10/22/14 5:30pm

This Week in Tabloids: Is Lionel Richie Khloe Kardashian's Real Father?

Welcome to Midweek Madness, in which you and I take our mortal clay to the Lord's pottery wheel and gently shape a glittery turd to pass back and forth between our butts forever. This week, Ariana Grande refuses to shower after the gym; Lionel Richie created Khloe Kardashian out of his very own sperm-buddies;… » 10/15/14 4:10pm 10/15/14 4:10pm

This Week In Tabloids: Someone Put a Microchip in Amanda Bynes's Brain

Welcome to Midweek Madness, in which a small-brained baby who has not looked inside a tabloid magazine for six years takes a deep dive into Star, US Weekly, OK!, Life & Style and InTouch. This week, Bruce Jenner wears a B-cup, Kim worries that Kanye is going to hook up with Cara Delevingne, Blake Lively spits out… » 10/08/14 5:10pm 10/08/14 5:10pm

This Week In Tabloids: Mariah Constantly Drinks Wine Out of a Soda Can

Welcome back to Midweek Madness, in which we lose ourselves in the Dionysian revelry contained within Star, Us Weekly, OK!, Life & Style and InTouch. This week: Mariah Carey constantly drinks white wine out of a ginger ale can; Harry Styles is being used as a pawn in the Katy Perry/Taylor Swift bloodfeud; and Charlize… » 10/01/14 4:10pm 10/01/14 4:10pm

This Week in Tabloids: J. Lo's Exes to Reveal She Sacrifices Chickens

Welcome back to Midweek Madness, in which we grapple with the storied and horrible mythical beasts known as Star, Us Weekly, OK!, Life & Style and InTouch. This week: Jennifer Lopez's exes might write a tell-all alleging that she sacrifices chickens; the Duggars dispense some deplorable sex and love advice; and Kylie… » 9/24/14 4:20pm 9/24/14 4:20pm