Is Beyoncé pregnant? Is Beyoncé pregnant? Is Beyoncé pregnant? Is Beyoncé pregnant? — The sound and the fury of the Internet, signifying nothing except not minding its own beeswax. (Also, I bet Beyoncé's not pregnant.)

I mean, how hard is it to catch a flight? This is a rhetorical question for Lindsay Lohan, who missed her plane last night from New York to attend her trial in L.A. this morning. (We're now on her twenty-something trial. When you move into the double digits, you should get a free Shakeweight or some turtle wax or an…

Although Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, Justin Theroux, Jennifer Aniston, Chandler Bing and that duck called a truce at some point, as Brangelina's and Jenreaux's (?) marriages draw nearer, threatening to even land sort of around the same time, some obvious problems become apparent.

"As she sits drinking lavender lemonade,*" Taylor Swift tells Vanity Fair that everyone—including, and especially, other ladies in Hollywood—needs to shut the fuck up about how many penises are/may be in orbit around her:

The Divine Miss M. turns 67 today, and we celebrate the birth of Our Lady The Brassiest with a bizarre (read: AWESOME) vintage music video of Midler covering "Beast of Burden" in 1983 or thereabouts. It also featuring Mick Jagger, with whom she's having an affair. In the video. Not in real life. Although that would be …

"Magical," "unforgettable" and "fantasy" are just a few of the gushing adjectives used by Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake to describe their hella expensive Italian wedding (soup), even though not everyone was as happy (N*Sync was excluded from the 100-person guest list; they are "are pretty upset about it"). Nevertheless,…

ADELE, YOU SLY DOG. As it turns out, the old "sitcom star sits on the couch with a pillow over her stomach for the entire season because she's supposed to be an unlucky-in-love Single Woman Lawyer and they didn't feel like writing a pregnancy into the script" works occasionally! Although the singer announced her…

Tiny new Kardashian addition Penelope Scotland Disick happened yesterday, the second child (after 2-year-old Mason) for Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick. The 7-lb, 3 oz. baby was delivered "all-naturally" at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center after Kourtney's brief flirtation with water birth. "Scott and I are overjoyed to…

Mick Jagger is hosting Saturday Night Live tonight and he's the musical guest with the Foo Fighters and Arcade Fire. It is going to be the most fun thing that's ever happened. Except remember that time that Keith Richards was like, "his dick is small but his balls are big," which I could have told you myself? Or not.

Last night, the President and First Lady hosted an all-star blues concert at the White House. There were a lot of famous musicians there—BB King, Buddy Guy, Mick Jagger, and more—but one man outshone them all: Barack Obama. At the end of the concert, the group started playing "Sweet Home Chicago" and roped the Prez…