Michelle is a variant of Michael, which apparently means "Who is like God?" And while Michelles don't necessarily breathe life into clay, they can certainly take your breath away. My image of Michelle is stylish and classy — she's tall and cool and well-dressed and she wears really nice earrings. Her hair's usually in some kind of updo, and she knows how to pull off nude lipstick. But Michelle's also the kind of girl who looks great no matter what she wears. I think of Michelle as a really eighties name, and I think of its bearer as somehow looking glamorous even while wearing leg warmers and a pound of hairspray.

But enough about Michelle's looks — what's she like on the inside? This is a tougher question, because I think of Michelles as a little unknowable. They're the kind of girls might not get asked out a lot, because they don't come off as "approachable." When you go to their houses — maybe for a study session or a very polite birthday party with parents present — you discover that their bedrooms are perfectly clean and reveal almost nothing about their personalities. A pink bedspread, perhaps an old American Girl doll smiling wanly, but nothing that gives you a peek into Michelle's inner life. Michelle's a girl to be admired from afar, because so few manage to get close.

Michelle Obama, with her hula-hooping skills and willingness to get her hands dirty, is a bit more fun and down to earth than my image of Michelle. But she's got the elegance thing down. So does the ethereally beautiful Michelle Yeoh. And Michelle Williams, pretty private in the wake of Heath Ledger's death, seems a bit unknowable despite her sweet smile. But the true, quintessential Michelle is obviously Michelle Pfeiffer. With her cool, feline (figuratively and literally) beauty, she's the essence of stylish Michelleness. And despite her popularity, she's never really been America's sweetheart — she's not one of those celebrities we feel we know. Perhaps it's because her heyday came before the ubiquity of online gossip, but I'm betting it has something to do with her name.

Like Michelle Pfeiffer, the name Michelle was big in the eighties — but not as big as it was in the seventies, when it peaked at #4 in the nation. It's still doing okay, but at #103, its glory days are clearly over. Maybe uncertain times call for warmer, homier names — and with Michelle Obama's popularity reportedly falling, the trend might not reverse anytime soon. But this waning hipness is unlikely to tarnish Michelle's luster — she looks good in anything, including her name.

Michelle [Wikipedia]
Michelle [Baby Name Wizard]

Earlier: L Is For Lisa, Whose Looks Are Deceiving
K Is For Kate, Who Kicks Ass, Takes Names
J Is For Jennifer, The Vanilla Of Names
I Is For Isabel, Who's Snooty, But Earns It
H Is For Hillary, A Barrel Of Laughs
G Is For Grace - What's That Up Her Sleeve?
F Is For Francesca, And I Wish I Were Her
E Is For Emily, Who Seems Sweet (At First)
D Is For Danielle (Or Dani, Who's Apparently Kinda Judgey)
C Is For Courtney, Who's Too Cool For School
B is for Beth (And Barack! And Bandana!)
A Is For Anna: What My First Name Says About Me

• Elijah Wood and Shirley Manson star in a new ad campaign for Oliver Peoples Spring 2010 Resort Collection. Hate to say it, but in this Mad Men-inspired campaign, both come across as a poor woman's Joan & Don. [Black Book]

• According to Paula Sutter, Diane von Furstenberg is "a techy." "She's constantly looking at new technologies. We have a lot more to do there," she said at a recent conference. [WWD]
• In response to the recent terrorist attacks in Mumbai, fashion industry members have come together to create a new book, titled To India, With Love. Contributors include Yves Carcelle, Diane von Furstenberg, Evelyn Lauder, Silvia Fendi, Matthew Williamson, Rachel Roy, Kenneth Cole, Tory Burch and Cynthia Rowley. Natalie Portman, Wes Anderson, Adrien Brody and Elizabeth Hurley are also involved. [WWD]
• Marks and Spencer model - and former WAG (American translation: former wife or girlfriend of an athlete) - Noemie Lenoir had a slight wardrobe malfunction while she was on stage at a charity auction. The back of her dress came unzipped, revealing some very small underwear, but she shrugged and let the bidding continue. [Daily Mail]
• Rory Tahari, wife of designer Elie Tahari, is publishing a book on getting organized, which will include chapters on weddings, children, divorce, and even death. [Observer]
• Gucci will be the main sponsor of the European Equestrian Masters, an international horse jumping show. This will be Gucci's first equestrian funding in 20 years, but the luxury brand has a long history with the elite sport. [WWD]
• New York State's first lady Michelle Paterson recently got the celebrity treatment from Rachel Roy, who sent out a publicity alert announcing Paterson's recent sartorial choice at a party thrown by New York Post gossip columnist Cindy Adams. [Observer]
• Mark Badgley and James Mischka, the designer team behind Badgley Mischka, may be in talks with the home shopping network. Sources say that they are considering following in the footsteps of Tina Knowles and creating a "lifestyle collection" specifically for HSN. [WWD]
• Further proof that Michelle Obama can make anything a trend: Kitten heels are suddenly all the rage in Milan. Of course, that could be because they are just more practical, but that's not half as interesting. [Black Book]
• The ethereally beautiful clothing of Kate and Lura Mulleavy will be featured in an exhibit at the Smithsonian's Cooper-Hewitt National Design Museum next year. Now you, too, can touch the Rodarte! (Actually, that's probably a bad idea.) [WWD]
• Fancy cotton-shirt brand Three Dots has created a basic white v-neck with built-in shoulder pads. Sorry to spoil the surprise, but it's fug. [Inventor Spot]
• Danielle Vitale, president of Gucci America Inc., has announced a shift in focus for the brand. While they plan to continue to stress the "power and allure of product," Vitale would also like to see a greater focus on customer service and employee satisfaction. [WWD]
• Women in the UK are spending more money on clothes, but buying less, according to analysts. This may mean that more people are turning away from fast fashion and favoring quality over quantity. [Daily Mail]
• Victoria's Secret Angel Miranda Kerr is launching an organic skin care line. We're just glad she's not "designing" clothes. [Sassy Bella]
• To address the dearth of angels caused by the model baby boom, Victoria's Secret has reportedly hired Guess model Jessica Hart. [NY Post]
• 1,500 immigrant workers have been fired from American Apparel in the last month because they had not been granted the legal right to work in the U.S. [WWD]
• Gap Inc. has selected a new agency for their holiday ad campaign. Crispin Porter & Bogusky will replace Laird & Partners, which is a shame, because one of the few things likable about the Gap were those cheerful, winter-y holiday ads. [AdAge]
• Jil Sander on her new line for Uniqlo: "I have always been fascinated by the original concept of high street fashion; by the idea of offering attractive, clean-cut clothes to everyone...If you want to make a real difference in the future of fashion, it makes a lot of sense, to engage in a company that has the power to reach people on a global scale." [Times of London]
• Nike shares rose 4.8% in after-hours trading Tuesday, exceeding Wall Street's expectations. [TheStreet]
• According to sources, an Ajman sheihk has submitted a bid for broke fashion house Christian Lacroix. The new owner would preserve Lacroix's current operations, including couture. [WWD]
• Like Diane von Furstenberg, David Lauren, senior VP of Ralph Lauren, is a self-proclaimed techy. "It's great to see all these brands innovating on the phone. It takes shopping and really makes it a part of your life," he says of the company's iPhone app. [Ad Age]
• Hermes is refusing to comment on whether or not they bought jewelery label Asprey. They have, however, confirmed a collaboration with Monaco-based ship-builder Wally to create a £90 million yacht. We were going to make fun of this, but then we saw the pictures, and... we want to go to there. [Vogue UK & Daily Mail]
• Sources say Sarah Jessica Parker is in talks with Halston to be their next celebrity face. Earlier this month, SJP was photographed on the set of Sex and the City: Not Again in a Halston dress, so that could be a sign. [E Online]
• Although the last thing we need is yet another celebrity fragrance, this ad for Kylie Minogue's new perfume, featuring two versions of her model boyfriend, is pretty awesome. [The Sun]

In today's Times, Michelle Slatalla and her family attempt a Staycation. Hilarity - and some relaxation - ensues, but at the end of the day? Vacation, this ain't. I get it; we all do. In these financially strapped times, and sans vehicle, the idea of exploring your hometown with the wondering eyes of a relaxed tourist sounds appealing indeed.

And I've tried it, I have. I've set aside full weekends for work-free fun. And it just felt like sitting around the house. I tried, but it reminded me of "camping" in our living room when I was a kid. Or, worse, I felt a terrible pressure to get out and do things, lots of things, all the shows and exhibits and restaurants I'd marked in the paper. When you go somewhere new, being there is half the battle; the very novelty is relaxing. I have a pair of friends who had a "staycation" honeymoon, taking a week off work and exploring the outer boroughs of New York. They loved it. But then, they have a really nice apartment.

There is an idea I've been kicking around with a few friends: a staycation apartment swap, in which we switch neighborhoods for a couple of days. Hence, novelty, change of scene, break in routine. The pitfalls are obvious. For one thing, not everyone wants people - especially friends - up in their private business, discovering - at best - how disorganized the closets are. The other issue is that, inexplicably, no one seems to want to vacation in the heart of a dangerous neighborhood far from subways, which makes the "swapping" part problematic. So to heck with "staycations"; the real phenomenon? "The Parental Bed and Breakfast."

Our Hawaiian Holiday Without, Well, Hawaii [NY Times]

• What kind of fuckery is this? Amy Winehouse borrowed some designer dresses. When she returned them, they were splattered with vomit. [Mirror]
• Some of the puke-stained dresses had developed furry mold on them. [Hey, I'm eating breakfast, lady! - Ed.] [CelebNewsWire]
• Meanwhile, Amy is trying to launch the singing career of her goddaughter, Dionne. [Mirror]
• Except at Dionne's gig, Amy was a total fucking mess. [Daily Mail]
• More "turmoil" for Brad and Angelina as Billy Bob Thornton says of Angie, "We're still close." Eh. [Daily Mail]

• Britney was seen wearing a black wig because she was shooting the video for her new song, "Womanizer," at a sushi lounge. She plays a waitress. [People]
• Julia Roberts was spotted covering up with a large pashmina so obviously she must be pregnant. [The Sun]
• Shia LaBeouf won't be charged with drunk driving in connection with his car accident in West Hollywood this summer. He refused a blood-alcohol test, though, so his license is going to be suspended. [LA Times]
• Clay Aiken's baby mama took pills for nausea during her pregnancy. Um, is that safe for the fetus? [Perez Hilton]
• Hayden Panettiere's dad has been charged with hitting her mom. It's a misdemeanor battery charge and he could face up to a year in jail if convicted. [Reuters]
• Chris Kattan and Sunshine Tutt were married for 59 days, but she'll get six figures in the divorce settlement. Which means being married to Kattan is worth at least $1,700 a day; a well-paying job. [TMZ]
• ANTM's Isis says she really wants to get the surgery to become biologically female but she doesn't have the cash: "I'm not working right now, but hopefully I get a lot of gigs from me being on the show. Once I save my money—hopefully within the next two years, that's my goal—I will have it done as soon as possible, so I can just get it out of the way." [E!]
• Megan Fox is so much more famous now that she has lost weight, gotten a nose job and plumped her lips. She was cute in this "before" picture though. [Socialite Life]
• The next time your phone rings, it could be Ellen DeGeneres, telling you to help yourself fight breast cancer. [AP]
• OMG no way: Melrose Place might be coming back. [UPI]
• Ricky Gervais to maybe host next year's Oscars? Are you having a laugh? [The Sun]
• Emma Watson looks AMAZING in this Italian Vogue photo shoot. [Daily Mail]
• Thanks to the presidential campaign, Saturday Night Live ratings are up 50%. [Variety]
• The Australians in Film Heath Ledger Scholarship has launched and Michelle Williams has stepped up as the first donor. [People]
• Mariska Hargitay blogs, very thoughtfully, about her character's rape storyline on SVU. [ONTD]
• Lauren Conrad and Chace Crawford "exchanged digits." They're "just friends." [E!]
• Mariah Carey will not appear on Oprah's show to announce that she is pregnant, because she is not, so if you heard that rumor, ignore it. [Perez Hilton]
• Kanye West is letting you remix his new single, "Love Lockdown," for free. Any takers? [Rolling Stone]
• Jay-Z and Norwegian production duo Stargate have announced the formation of StarRoc, a new New York-based music label. [UPI]
• Gwyneth Paltrow's mom says Gwyneth's marriage works "beautifully." All I can think is: GOOP. [People]
• Mackenzie Phillips is doing "great" in rehab. One day at a time! [People]
• A trash can designed by Bono sold for $30K. But it was a charity auction so it's not like someone was throwing their money away. [Mediabistro]
• Pete Doherty started playing a concert in Bournemouth, England and refused to stop. [Daily Express]
• Ladies and gentlemen, a message from Holly Madison: "Page 6 needs to check their 'facts.' Today Page 6 said that Bridget is married to a guy from Ohio??????????? Last time I checked, Bridget is divorced (after a 7 year seperation[sic]) from a guy from California…being that this is all a matter of public record, one would think you could check on that pretty easily." [Perez Hilton]
• Ed McMahon will appear in to viral rap videos for FreeCreditReport.com, and his "gangsta" outfit is so cringe-worthy it's basically like a minstrel show. [CNN, Portfolio]
• Helen Mirren will play an Israeli Massad agent in a new flick called The Debt. [Variety]
• Here's a first look at the poster for that probably crappy Tom Cruise movie Valkyrie — You know, where he plays a Nazi with an American accent? [Just Jared]
• Sarah Michelle Gellar may return to TV: An HBO show called The Wonderful Maladys. [Variety]
• Busta Rhymes was detained at an airport in London, then released. Woo-ha, got you all in check. [BBC News]
• Kid Rock says he's not really friends with Pam Anderson. "I touched stove, stove was hot, I think I not touch stove anymore." [People]
• Whoa: Robert Wagner once considered shooting Warren Beatty over Natalie Wood. [Reuters]
• The rare footage of Marilyn Monroe on the set of Some Like It Hot was sold Thursday for $14,700. [Reuters]
• Hmm, here's a lawsuit over nude pix of Marilyn. [AP]
• Terrence Howard's mother died after a long battle with cancer. [People]
• "I've been lucky to be able to make my own choices and not feel like I've been guided too much other than by my own instincts. I guess I get offered a certain type of role when it comes to mothers — they are generally not your predictable blonde on blonde mothers. They are spikier and more dangerous, and in this case, utterly self-delusional. Putting them together and finding the honest notes is always fun." — Angelica Huston, on her role in Choke. [Reuters]
• "'I'm a big fan of Jay-Z, but outside of the states and hip-hop circles, no one really knew who he was until he married Beyonce." — 50 Cent. [StereoHyped]
• "I believe that a woman should be paid the same amount as a man if she does the same job. I think that we're extraordinary creatures who can run a company and a house." — Natalie Cole. [Guardian]
• "I'm just a big believer in 'you must love yourself before you can love anybody else,' and I think for me that breeds the most inspired relationships. It's hard for me to have any proclamation about the right kind of love or how to love, because relationships are so complicated and there are so many ways to love. On one hand, there's obsessive love and committed love and the love that friends just have for one another." — Scarlett Johansson. [Perez Hilton]
• "Actors such as Daniel Day Lewis and Robert De Niro are often held up as ‘this is the way to act’ but I don’t go to bed dreaming and sleeping the character. There’s a lot of bullshit in acting. I’m not criticising those guys as actors but sometimes you just have to show up and deliver a speech. You don’t have to pretend to be somebody, I like to think I am enough. I’m not interested in ‘Oh he lost 30 pounds for this role’. I think that should stay private. I don’t wanna hear it." — Liam Neeson. [Daily Express]
• "I've been to talk at quite a few schools recently. It is essential to talk to 12- and 13-year-olds because they absorb what's thrown at them, whether it be homophobia or tolerance, and we have to make sure it's the positive stuff." — Sir Ian McKellen, who is working with Stonewall's Education Champion Programme, which addresses homophobia in schools. [Guardian]
• "I've never seen that (sex) tape of me and Tommy and I don't ever want to. I see more than enough of Tommy as it is. I can't get rid of him." — Pamela Anderson. [Daily Express]

Reading Frank Rich's Cancer-Katie-Backlash-Backlash-to-the-Backlash weigh-inElizabeth Edwards For President on Sunday reminded us that one of the reasons our mom was wooed by, ha ha, the "compassionate conservative" in 2000 (yeah, this would be the Jezzy who hails from Virginia speaking) was because she had been so turned off by Hillary and Laura seemed so, well, uh, subtle in contrast. By the time 2004 came along, our mom was solidly (and contritely) in the Kerry camp, though she worried — and we wondered why! — that Terezzza and her "special sauce" would fuck things up. So now comes Hillary's turn at the plate, and we were sitting here wondering how the fuck the Dems could think someone so villified in even remotely reddish America could win when her much-cuter hubby never won a majority of the vote, when our mom says, "Oh man, but I'd do anything to get Bill back in the White House.

Bill, for whom she never voted!

The moral of the story is that we are not really electing candidates anymore, we are electing the person they used to have sex with. After the jump, we assess the First Lady candidates out there who are actually ladies, and whether they can out-spouse Bill. http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/02/11/AR2007021101336.html

Elizabeth Edwards is totes in the lead. She's dying, she's not too pretty to be FL, as Michelle might be for a few years yet, and she's just sort of earthy, like Penelope Cruz in Volver but like, moreso even. Howard Stern disapproves, but yeah whatever.

You knew Cindy McCain was a pillhead — but did you know she was also a stroke survivor and also an adopter of impoverished Asian children? Yeah, but then there's that hair.

Judi Giuliani is like a meeting of the Natasha Lyonne of First Spousal candidates (in that she probably hurts animals) and the Anna Nicole Smith of First Spousal candidates (in that she is a social climber and possessing of a weird pre-life life, replete with first husband no one knows about and accusations that all she was interested in was social climbing). On top of this, Rudy would like her to sit in on his cabinet meetings and run health care policy. Not a chance.

Michelle Obama's probs boil down to this: she's too rich, and too thin, and she keeps referring to Barack as "the brother," suggesting that she is either trying too hard to make him seem black, and/or they do not have sex anymore, which they don't, of course, but she's not supposed to sell him out to the public like that, even though she already did by claiming she was only letting him run for President so he would quit smoking, which sounds a little sadistic to us, so wait a second, maybe they actually are having sex and it's just some incest-humiliation role playing that's going on.. Anyway, her riches might have a little to do with a company she works with that has ties to Wal-Mart blah blah they're not killing puppies no one cares. You can read more about her almost sickeningly inspiring rags-to-riches story here.

Ann Romney met Mitt Romney — haven't heard of him? Fear not, he's raised more money than God! — in, like, kindergarten or something, which is kind of weird even if they are both Mormon, but the extensive ">photo album the Boston Globe published of her appearances in lieu of getting her to give them an actual interview, she will make a great First Lady. Why? She appears to be one of those gals who gains weight in her face, thus amplifying the effects of a little PMS chocolate (sometimes she looks like hell) or a two-day juice fast (almost MILF-like!!) and appealing directly to the public's insatiable appetite for celebrity weight loss fluctuations JUST IN TIME for the opening of theTMZ.com Washington bureau!

Also has multiple sclerosis, and allegedly, a sense of humor. Kisses, Ann! Trust us, if yo-yoing works for Oprah and Renee Z., it'll work for you too!