I'm of two minds about this, because I hear what you're saying about the validity of emotions (and I know how much constant invalidation can fuck up your life), but I also do think people need to try to keep things in perspective. However, you can't force perspective on people. Perspective is something you have to gain on your own, and you have to remind yourself to keep it, otherwise it doesn't mean much.

But I will say this: in fifth grade, my friends and I were at lunch, and one friend was complaining that her cookie was broken, and another friend said, "quit complaining--kids in Somalia ain't got shit--they get one grain of rice a day!" And you know what? She had a point, and there's nothing illogical about it.

 Reply

Fine, but consider other audiences - the single mother seeing her only child go to college so that she, the child, can get a degree to enhance her life. I'm not saying that other types of situation are any better (when the family consists of two parents and more than one kid), but hell I understand why my mother had a hard time when I left.

 Reply

I don't see how scolding the author for not being merely happy that the kid is going to college is any different from telling a kid who hates green beans that a starving kid would be happy to eat them. This piece seems rather pointlessly mean-spirited, as the NYT article reads like something one of the Jez writers might themselves write 20 years from now.

 Reply

Not because she was being selfish for wanting her daughter back, but for claiming that people of my generation have much more freedom than the previous generation did.

I'm a 20 year old college student and my mother is a controlling woman. She had a great childhood and was allowed to assert her independence at a young age and had the love and support of her parents.

But while I was growing up, I had no choice in anything. And I still don't have a lot of choice in what I want to do. The only thing she let me choose was what my major will be, but it "has to be a major that will give you a lot of high-paying jobs so you can take care of me when I retire."

So yeah, obviously I'm a bit stabby over this...

 Reply

My mom told me "Call as often as you want, but I won't call you." and "Come home whenever you want, but I won't make you feel bad if you want to stay" and "Don't get arrested.

I called daily (I'm a proud momma's boy dammit), came home on breaks (but did all my own laundry and cooking, just like before I left for college) and was only arrested twice (no convictions!).

*Sigh* I miss my Mom.

 Reply

Much to our surprise she decided last semester that she needs our input and wisdom (!). She said she felt like she was drifting and we were her support. This makes part of me feel great when I remember the total lack of support I had from my parents, but the rational part of me worries about this situation too. She needs to be able to function better on her own and trust her sense of direction. She also needs to learn how to clean up the kitchen after she makes a wreck of it every morning, dammit!

We were looking at a school that is 1000 miles away, but now we've pretty much decided on one that is only a half hour from here. We will, however, insist that she live in the dorms next year and hopefully by the time she is ready for grad school things will work better for her.

 Reply

Mom's a very independent woman, a teacher and a librarian with an undergraduate degree in Russian and a graduate degree in instructional technology who raised three kids on my dad's salary as a school principal supplemented with her substitute teaching. She doesn't put up with anyone's bullshit. But she still cried, because we were growing up, and to be completely overdramatic about it, it was never going to be the same. I don't think that's a selfish and self-centered response.

 Reply

He was using my tools and pellet gun, and my Dad's car to break into cars and steal stereos. Was dealing drugs whenever he was able.

22 years old, 16-y/o girlfriend. Pathological liar. Human being FAIL. Mom, you shoulda just gotten a puppy if you wanted a pet project.

 Reply

My children are both near-leaving-home age, and I will miss them deeply. Beyond deeply. I related very much to her writing, and in this instance, that was enough for me. I will save scholarly examination of my agony for another issue.

 Reply