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Lindsay Lohan's Publicist Is Finally Like, 'Uuuuugh, I'm Done with You Fuckers'

Not a direct quote, but I think the sentiment is pretty clear. Following Michael Lohan's ill-fated intervention/publicity-grab last week, Lindsay Lohan's publicist Steve Honig has quit. Honig says it has nothing to do with Lindsay and everything to do with Michael—who called him a "fucking liar" after Honig refused to…

Whoops, Says Lindsay Lohan—My Mom Totally WASN'T on Cocaine and It's Actually My DAD I Hate

It's a classic mistake! I can't tell you the number of times I've accidentally phoned my dad at 4 am to let him know that my mom was the devil and that she'd kidnapped me in a cocaine-fueled rampage and that he should call the police—only to realized later that my mom was actually just catching up on Reader's Digest…

Lindsay Lohan's Dad Knocks Up The Woman Who Literally Just Dropped Her Restraining Order Against Him

Two mice fell into a bucket of cream. One of them panicked and drowned, but the other one kicked his little legs until he churned that cream into butter and walked out. And then Kate Major and Michael Lohan announced they were having a child, and the surviving mouse was like "What the fuck, didn't you just file a…

Lindsay Lohan’s Continued Drug Use Makes Her a Bad Actress, Says Daddy Dearest

He's been out of the limelight for some time but Michael Lohan has found a way to get his name back in the funnies – accusing his daughter of being hopped up on pills. Getting panned after her recent appearance on SNL, Daddy Dearest says the actress was riding high on some undisclosed prescription drugs. "'I have to…

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The Romantic Tale of How Lindsay Lohan Paid a Porn Star for Sex While Dad Was Snoring Upstairs

Today in romantic, porn star Alex Torres — aka Voodoo – claims Lindsay Lohan paid him for sex and that the gruesome twosome went at it while her dear daddy Michael Lohan slumbered upstairs. Though this should be taken with a pinch of salt, and possibly a roofie, the sky-diving porn enthusiast [NSFW] insisted it was…

Weepy, Maybe-Pregnant Kate Major Alleges Coked-Up Michael Lohan Raped Her

When a guy has been doing cocaine "all night" and then throws a remote at a woman's head, handcuffs her to a bed and "forcefully" has sex with her, that's rape, right? As far as trainwreckery goes, Kate Major — former Star magazine reporter, former girlfriend of Jon Gosselin, and current ex of Michael Lohan — really…