• Obama's Press Secretary Robert Gibbs thinks people have more important things to worry about than whether Wanda Sykes would prefer Rush Limbaugh dead. Unfortunately, the Republicans don't, since they've got nothing to do. [Politico]

• I mean, it's getting so bad Alan Keyes got himself arrested just to make headlines again! [Pandagon]
• And Florida governor and 100% completely heterosexual Charlie Crist is going to run for Senator. [NY Times]
• And Michael Steele is telling people Obama would nominate Perez Hilton to the Supreme Court because he's "empathetic," which is one word I've never actually associated with Perez Hilton. [Huffington Post]
• A former McCain blogger is pissing on his former colleague for working for the environment, since working to stop companies from destroying the earth has been deemed insufficiently Republican. [TalkingPointsMemo]
• Texas Congressman Pete Sessions says that Obama is deliberately putting more Americans out of work for political reasons. [Huffington Post]
• And Dick Cheney is literally just sitting around waiting for Joe Biden to call him like a teenage girl with a crush. [Time]
• Hillary Clinton, on the other hand, is defending the existence of the United Nations, which would seem like a no-brainer, but this is America and she represents no-brainers, too. (Insert inappropriate Terry Schiavo joke here, if you like.) [ThinkProgress]
• And even Joe Liberman has gotten sick of Dick Cheney's bullshit, and when even Lieberman thinks you're being foolishly, destructively hawkish, it might be time to re-assess. [Politico]

The House yesterday voted on Obama's stimulus package — you know, the one he so badly wanted to have bipartisan support for that he stripped contraception funding from it? Well, despite pissing off everyone from Planned Parenthood to NOW to NARAL (on a day when the latter is laying people off), not a single Republican voted for the thing. White House aides like spokesman Robert Gibbs are trying to spin this as anything but a repudiation of Obama, his charm offensive, his policies or his plans for a post-partisan Washington and are claiming that it's the vote on the inevitable conference report — since the Senate bill is already different and about to get different-er with the addition of government-guaranteed mortgages to it in the Senate — but it's all kind of bullshit because they even lost 11 Democratic votes yesterday. And when you lose so bad that Republican Congressman Eric Cantor can say shit like "Keynesian economics doesn't hold a candle to the entrepreneurship that made this economy so prosperous up until the last six months" — even though he knows and I know his econ guys know that the government says the recession started in December 2007 — and no one calls him on it or thinks that's a completely false statement, you're losing ground fast. But, hey, the Senate will pass SCHIP fucking finally today and Obama will get his Ledbetter photo op and more people will say, "It's only been a week! Give him time!" in the face of criticism while the Republican National Committee holes up and tries to figure out a strategy to use all this and more to win back seats in the House and Senate in 2010, so everything will be ok. We can just rely on them continuing to campaign with their heads up their asses in order to keep Democratic majorities. That's a great strategy.

It's sort of almost as good as current Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich's strategy to appear on every talk show known to man on Monday to claim his impeachment trial is a way to raise taxes on ordinary people in Illinois and then turn around and demand to give a closing statement and the impeachment trial that he's been skipping in order to disprove his obvious guilt to some perhaps gullible jurors. Or as good as Pepsi accusing the Obama camp of appropriating their imagery rather than the other way around. Or as good a strategy as being former McCain blogger Michael Goldfarb, who's gone back to "journalism" and is telling everyone that you'd have had to have been "a lunatic" to think McCain would win and that he was hired to do no less than attack his own supposed profession. Or, um, sending Obama to Canada on February 19th when everyone knows it will be fucking cold, but, hey, he's not a wimp like us D.C. folk when it comes to winter weather so it will be fine/appropriate karmic retribution. It's a day of great strategery all around, the likes of which we haven't seen for more than a week since GWB didn't let the door hit him on the ass on the way out.

ANA MARIE: Gonna try a little experiment and NOT WATCH Morning Joe during our chat.

MEGAN: Well, you're not missing anything. Joe just made fun of Mika for correctly pronouncing Printemps when talking about the French department story bomb and now they are accusing Franken of trying to steal the election and arguing about the supposed LBJ fraud in Texas, but that last bit is mostly Pat Buchanan. Oh, and Erin Burnett has teased the fuck out of her hair this morning.

ANA MARIE: Buchanan nurses old wounds with great care.

MEGAN: But she did just illustrate the rule of supply and demand for Joe Scarborough by crossing her arms in front of her face, which was sort of awesome. Okay, I'll stop now, too.

ANA MARIE: I sort of wish I was watching because — wait for it — I think I'm coming around on Erin. She seems to not take herself seriously which is a rarity for a hot newsreader, who take themselves seriously so that others don't have to.

MEGAN: I mean, she just explained Econ 101 to Joe Scarborough on television with what Joe correctly identified as a cheerleading move.

ANA MARIE: Joe would know.

MEGAN: I think that says a lot about their respective collegiate experiences.

ANA MARIE: Oh, you said "experience"! I say: "Caroline Kennedy" Wait. Something's wrong there...

MEGAN: Apparently, though, according to the New York Post, she's going to bring fashion sense back to the seat by always wearing ball gowns. Just like Daniel Moynihan.

ANA MARIE: Interesting phrasing in the NYT story on her decision:

Yet Caroline Kennedy’s decision to ask Gov. David A. Paterson to appoint her to Hillary Rodham Clinton’s Senate seat suggests that she believes she is as well prepared as anyone to serve as the next senator from New York.

See, I don't actually believe you need a lot of government or elective experience to be a good senator (or president!) but I also think that VOTERS should be the ones to make that decision/take that risk.

MEGAN: That's the thing. Is there any real sense that she wouldn't get elected in a real race? New York does love its carpetbaggers, as long as they have name recognition and aren't Alan Keyes.

ANA MARIE: Then let her run! Let her make her case to the People, not to the Dumb Guv.

MEGAN: Well, but it 's the governor who's deciding.

ANA MARIE: That's my point.

MEGAN: I mean, I stand firm on one point in this: do not appoint Andrew Cuomo.

ANA MARIE: Put in a placeholder, like they did in Delaware, where Beau Biden will, yes, probably win if he runs. But it'll be the voters' fault/decision. In any case, this is going to REALLY piss off Hillary people. REALLY.

MEGAN: I hate the placeholder idea. I particularly hate it when it's done for a political dynasty.

ANA MARIE: Almost as if Paterson (or someone) planned it that way.

MEGAN: But Paterson was a huge Clinton supporter in the primary.

ANA MARIE: I know! That's what's weird! I talked to a Hillary person yesterday and this person was steaming about it. Smoke out of ears.

MEGAN: Wait, so, he's not supposed to appoint a woman? It's so hard to tell with Clinton supporters like that, as they broke down into two camps: there is no woman in the United States remotely as qualified as Hillary Clinton; or it's more important than anything to have women in higher office.

ANA MARIE: He's supposed to appoint a woman that's worked for it, I think was this person's point. Rattled off a few names that to be honest I did not recognize. Which is the problem, I guess.

MEGAN: Well, I'm sorry, there are really not that many women high up in New York politics, and Nita Lowey took herself out of the running more than a week ago.

ANA MARIE: I just hate appointments in general, I think.

MEGAN: I understand the thinking behind Carolyn Maloney, and she's great, but she's not exactly a dynamic person. Which I'm sure Chuckie-boy loves. I'll bet Chuck's pushing for Maloney.

ANA MARIE: He would like to fill the seat himself. His ego certainly could use the extra room.

MEGAN: I mean, in a state where some incumbents won with more than 90% of the vote — and the average is about 70, if I'm eyeballing it — how is it not basically a state of appointments? It's just the appointments are made by local or state party officials.

ANA MARIE: I guess that's why we just keep having national elections, too, even though you can predict those results pretty well sometimes: It's what democracies do. You could cut out the pesky voter-middleman but that sets a bad example.

MEGAN: I guess I'm just agnostic on appointing Senators, since I'm not really sure what the difference is between that and the regular system, at least in New York.

ANA MARIE: Oh, and speaking of bad examples: Shoe thrower folk hero?

MEGAN: Poor guy is probably getting the shit beaten out of him as we type, which totally won't make him any more of one.

ANA MARIE: And it sort of undermines Bush's weird logic that shoe-throwing is just what happens in "free societies." If true, I have missed all the major shoe throwing events in Washington.

MEGAN: I would never throw my shoes unless it was a pair I didn't like anymore, but I usually donate those to Goodwill anyway.

ANA MARIE: Seems to me that shoe-throwing really more of a mark of a DESPERATE society:

China's Foreign Ministry spokesman said he would be watching out for journalists taking off their shoes in news conferences after an Iraqi reporter threw a pair at outgoing U.S. President George W. Bush in Baghdad.

MEGAN: However, if I knew there was to be an official shoe throwing event — perhaps in concert with a dunk tank? — I would totally get a pair.

ANA MARIE: Flip flops! Those size 10s, they seem a little deadly.

MEGAN: I wear a 6 and 1/2 shoe, I think I would fall on my face if I attempted to walk in size 10 flip flops.

ANA MARIE: Wow, TINY feet. You must clean up at sales. They are always out of 71/2s. AND SPEAKING OF CLEANING UP (don't you love how I do that?): Jay Carney, the last employed journalist in Washington. Finally he will earn some money out of flacking for Obama-Biden team ! (Just kidding, Jay!)

MEGAN: Man, he went and got a grown-up job. Some days, I feel like I need one of those.

ANA MARIE: Oh, I don't know how grown up it is. I mean, a large part of any comm director job is schmoozing, which Jay already has ninja-level skillz in. And what with Joe Biden shrinking down the job of VP to "puppy snuggling" and funerals, I'm not sure what's left for Jay to do. But I'm sure he'll do it well.

MEGAN: I am an excellent puppy snuggler, if Jay needs a deputy.

ANA MARIE: He also was totally rocking the suit jacket/buttondown/no-tie look LONG before BHO.

MEGAN: But did you know he was a Democrat, unlike your other colleague Joe Klein?

ANA MARIE: Uhm, yes.

MEGAN: Yeah, I didn't figure details like that would escape you.

ANA MARIE: Maybe I had more drinks with him than Joe did, though that seems unlikely. Ask the McCain people if THEY knew he was a Dem!

MEGAN: The McCain people thought the entire press corps were Dems by the end. If Bill Kristol had been on the plane, they probably would've called him in the tank for Obama.

ANA MARIE: And, obv, the funny part is that the people on the Obama plane were the least tanky. They were, on the whole, the most critical. And, seriously, I think Jay will be great in this job and I've always thought his writing was more elegant than most newsmag stuff (and he's actually quite funny tho that rarely made it into print) but... Don't Rs have every right to be pissed? That might be the wrong way to put it. It just confirms their worst suspicions.

MEGAN: Well, they might except how many of their writers went to work for McCain? I'm looking at Michael Goldfarb here.

ANA MARIE: If you want to equate Time and the Weekly Standard, I'm fine with that but I doubt either of the magazines would be. And, in the end, it comes down to what the written record is.

MEGAN: Well, I'm not talking about the magazine but the writer. Is Goldfarb going to admit that everything he ever wrote was intellectually disingenuous and hacky and aimed at getting someone specific elected? Probably not, right? Then he should shut the fuck up and sit the fuck down.

ANA MARIE: Or if people want to spend a few years going through everything Jay's ever written looking for bias, well, it'll be more enjoyable than reading the ourve of others, and that's pretty much the only way to actually make a serious case out of the argument. Everything else is just generic whining.

MEGAN: And no one likes a whiner.

ANA MARIE: It does tend to go hand in hand with losing.

MEGAN: It's good to have the old gang back together! We should make it a point to talk about ass fucking.

JIM: Please. Please no ass fucking. What a disgusting act. But yes, hello, Megan and friends here at the Jezebel.

MEGAN: I'm sorry that the bad man did that to you that time. But that doesn't mean no one likes it.

JIM: HAHAHA WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?? Tell me a political story.

MEGAN: Sort of like I'm sorry that that Michelle had to submit to The Chin last night. Or the fact that "no one really knows how often electronic voting machines fail. The Election Assistance Commission—an independent governmental agency charged with establishing election standards—doesn't collect comprehensive statistics on failure rates".

JIM: Hmm, is J. Crew a "good" political brand for Michelle Obama to sport, or does it make her seem fancy? Here's my answer: no one cares.

MEGAN: That's because a dude tells us it's sexist to care. Which I guess makes all women sexist. Because I was like, what happened to White House Black Market?

JIM: All this talk about voter irregularities. I'm led to believe that if I vote for Obama (btw, I'm not voting because I live in DC which will go 143% for Obama; sue me) a robot will jump out of a broken computer screen and chop off my head with acorns. There's way too much of this conspiratorial malarkey going around. Everyone knows that people will vote and whatever happens, George Bush will somehow win again.

MEGAN: And we will all thank our robot overlords, bowing and scraping to their king, Dick Cheneybot 9000.

JIM: This is never an auspicious start: "Republican [figure] called the media 'sexist' Monday..."

MEGAN: But that is how everything starts now! Republicans care about us laydeez and how sexism affects our daily lives, like when we read media stories about Sarah Palin's clothes. Just not, you know, when we want insurance to cover our birth control or our bosses to pay us the same as our male colleagues doing the same work. That's just silly. Also, did you know that the head of the RNC was some guy named Mike Duncan? Didn't it used to be, like, famous Republicans and shit? No wonder their brand sucks.

JIM: Yes, Ed Gillespie was the most famous person alive when he ran that little chop shop. I have no idea what this "Duncan" looks like. Maybe he is unattractive.

MEGAN: Not to be sexist again but yes.

JIM: Oh he's kind of cute. Hey so let's talk about abortion, specifically, how all Liberal ladies like to have them, all the time, for fun. This is why Liberals hate Sarah Palin, according to the National Review, in one of my favorite articles ever. Some loser argues that since Palin didn't abort her "Trigger," Liberals all RESENT HER FOR BEING MORAL. All I do now is read the National Review all day long.

MEGAN: They are bringing the crazy like no one else this election year, it's true.

JIM:

Seeing the Palin family, in a very visible public forum, with an uncompromising and public pro life philosophy arouses deeply repressed feelings in post abortive parents, as well as media members, counselors, health care professionals, politicians and others who promote abortion rights, especially the abortion of children with challenges such as Down Syndrome. These powerful repressed feelings of grief, guilt and shame can be deflected from the source of the wound (i.e., abortion) and projected onto an often uncharitable focus upon the trigger of these painful emotions…the Palin family.

Is this true, gals?

MEGAN: I mean, obviously I'm just a quivering mass of grief, guilt and shame from the abortion I never had nor needed to have because my school saw fit to teach me about birth control, I have seen fit to use it even when insurance didn't cover it but did cover my colleagues' Viagra and because I've been damn lucky. Yes, deep quivering mass of shame, that's why everything I write is about how Sarah Palin is an annoying slag. I mean, if we're going to talk about misdirected anger, methinks some sort of National Review writer knows a little too much about what it feels like for a girl.

JIM: I hope National Review goes under next, since we now have a magazine or newspaper imploding two or three times a day. Ha ha, "jobs," there are none.

MEGAN: Well, Christopher Buckley "left" to save all those angry Republicans from canceling their subscriptions after his apostasy. So I guess that means it will survive or something. Sadly.

JIM: Yeah, and now obviously he is the greatest person in Political History according to the liberal media. It's reminiscent also of how he "left" his bastard child son by disowning him and how WFB Jr. "left" the same bastard child no money in his will by claiming that the kid was DEAD TO HIM.

MEGAN: Wow, it's obviously the kid's fault that his dad likes doinking publicists. Also, Anna just sent this to me as "breaking" news, but apparently a "top McCain adviser" — you know, one of the ones that convinced McCain to choose her — thinks that Palin is a "whack job". Good to know that they're not completely out of touch with reality.

JIM: Ha ha, surely this person would say the exact same thing if McCain was winning the election. This is just more Mormon space espionage from the Romney loyalists.

MEGAN: Well, if anyone knows about whack jobs from personal experience, it would be Mormons. And Romney loyalists.

JIM: Hmm, well let's guess who this could be. My guess is: John McCain.

MEGAN: OMG, that would be the best thing ever. Like, fuck my advisers shutting me off from the press, I'm going to sneak into the Straight Talk Potty and engage in some straight talk.

JIM: My guess is: Michael Goldfarb.

MEGAN: Anyone that likes Abba as much as Michael Goldfarb has no place calling Sarah Palin a whack job. Besides, he couldn't go back to his old job "writing" because love for Palin is the new litmus test. I'm betting it's a lobbyist. We're all wicked backstabbers.

JIM: Well she wouldn't be such a whack job if they would LET HER FREE. Let's talk about the electoral map or something, speaking of whacking off.

MEGAN: The electoral map? Man, I would've had more coffee if we were going to get down with The Math this early. And by "more" I mean "some."

JIM: Ha ha I have had none! Anyway. Ahem: KERRY STATES +IA+NM+CO OR +FL OR +VA+NV+... Oh I can't do this either. But there are new shocking states at least make-believe "coming into play" every day. Arizona (angry Mexican spill over from NM/CA/CO)

MEGAN: Dude, I suddenly live in a swing state.

JIM: And the funny thing about that bad boy is that John McCain pretends to live there!

MEGAN: When he really actually lives here! There's a reason that his campaign office is located in Arlington and not, say, Sedona, and that's because it makes it easy for him to walk to work, not that he does because his entourage drives the 3 blocks in their armored SUVs that get 8 mpg.

JIM: Ha ha you live in the Racist Confederacy, this is true. You should come up to DC for Election Night though, to participate in the Race Riots!

MEGAN: I'll head over to Rosslyn and live blog it burning from a safe distance. Luckily, everyone in D.C. is too gephyrophobic to come across the river.

JIM: What is that fancy $50 Georgetown master's degree word you're throwing at me?

MEGAN: Phobic of bridges.

JIM: Oh. I could've guess that from context! I did poorly on the SAT.

MEGAN: Bullshit, Mr. Ivy Grad.

JIM: Tut tut now!

MEGAN: Where's your monocle?

JIM: Sssshhh I WILL PURCHASE YOU. And SELL YOU to THE ACORNS.

MEGAN: Noes! not the ACORNS! Did they give you a cane with which to hit other staffers with at graduation?

JIM: YES, that was the best story ever! How do you wake up this early, every morning. I would vote for that Republican, Wolf, because why not, that little twerp deserved a caning.

MEGAN: Dude, I wake up at 7:30, curse the world, and try not to die of sleep deprivation.

JIM: You grown-ups are weird.

MEGAN: Good morning! I am struggling for something funny or interesting to say here, so let's just pretend I said something pithy, okay?

SPENCER: God, show some effort, will you? Though you always have something pithy to say. You're pith filled. Talking to you is like screening Revenge Of The Pith. Unlike this asshole.

MEGAN: I had the pith taken out of my by the last half of the bottle of red I drank last night.

SPENCER:

“I’m from Arkansas. I understand why she’s popular…. It’s the job of our side not to attack who she is but to focus on differences in policy.”

MEGAN: Well, now, see, I don't disagree with Clinton, but I'm not the fucking former President of the United States saying it either.

SPENCER: Please no more sir. Enough of this. You're not wrong, substantively. But you really ought to come to terms with the fact that you are no longer in a position to hector the Democratic Party on strategy. Notice that the comment implicitly presumes the Democrats are attacking Palin's character, which is a key GOP meme right now. And you know what Bill Clinton was great at, throughout the 90s? Attacking his opponents' characters.

MEGAN: Right, the full article makes mention of the fact that it's echoing Karl Rove's advice, which is not something I like to hear said about Bill Clinton. The great thing about Clinton used to be that he could do it without getting caught doing it.

SPENCER: Yes, Bill Clinton never got caught doing anything. Anyway.

MEGAN: Well, except that one thing that one time...

SPENCER: Let's not waste any time: Steve Schmidt is shanking the New York Times! And Politico's Ben Smith! And soon Marc Ambinder! You're next, whore.

MEGAN: Steve Schmidt can come and get me! I will be a partisan on the rag, which is way worse than "a partisan rag".

SPENCER: Sridhar Pappu and I were tossing this around in our office: clearly this is a cynical move to rally troglodyte-cons who for some reason feel threatened by a fucking newspaper. Blah blah blah that's obvious. But when you're really the sort of politician those troglodyte-cons embrace and identify with, you don't need to sound the media-bias alarm. Like Bush never did. Palin never does. Dole and Bush Senior were the ones who whined about the press. It comes from a position of weakness, exposing itself like a twisted Foucaultian undercurrent. No?

MEGAN: Well, Cheney did call a reporter an asshole on mike, I think that was probably better than screaming about media bias. I honestly think it makes them look really stupid, especially when they didn't do it when the Times was all intimating that he was boinking the lobbyist. Now they're biased? Please. Even George Will is attacking McCain right now.

SPENCER: No no no, they absolutely did. Rick Davis put out a huge fundraising letter that represented the campaign's first opportunity in 2008 for McCain to make a serious pitch for troglodytecons. They've been laying the groundwork to get rid of the sense on the right that McCain has always been the media's candidate. If I'm not mistaken, they rejected the NYT's endorsement. My personal favorite part in Ben Smith's piece is this cameo from tittyboy Michael Goldfarb:

One McCain aide, Michael Goldfarb, said Politico was “quibbling with ridiculously small details when the basic things are completely right.”

Hahahahahahaha! I remember when Goldfarb's still-employers at the Weekly Standard were harping on that line about CBS's Bush-National Guard fabrication-story being "fake but accurate."

MEGAN: Well, they have criticisms! That the criticisms themselves are flat-out lies doesn't mean the spirit of the criticisms are wrong!

SPENCER: Speaking of ample-bosomed gentlemen on the right, we should probably discuss the latest moment of incandescent grace from Jonah Goldberg

MEGAN: I think Jonah Goldberg should stop buying up all the nice bras in my size.

SPENCER: What bra-buying tips would you offer him? I'm serious. This is potentially lifechanging for the poor fellow.

MEGAN: If he's looking for a supportive garment, he should make sure to get the appropriate strap size and avoid demi-cups and balconette bras. Otherwise, he'll look like his boobs are about to spill out everywhere, which is pretty much why I buy exclusively demi-cup bras. That, and the ability to fool my eyes about their size if there isn't enough material to cover all of my breasts.

SPENCER: But do you think pieces like this — wherein observations of racist intimations become indicators of a deeper-seated racism — result from, say, poor back support?

MEGAN: I think that, really, the poor back-support is less problematic than the weight pulling on the muscles on the front of his chest. Only that painful sensation you get from too much jiggling would cause Jonah Goldberg to completely exonerate any potential racists in the Republican party by pointing out that there are racists everywhere! Including in the Democratic party! Well, ho-kay, Jonah, you caught us. Racism is a problem in this country. Also, I think the earlier part of his article in which he says it isn't why people are not going to vote for Obama but then admits that it is, that's totally from feeling sad watching them droop. Gravity's a bitch.

SPENCER: Just a few moments of Googling resulted in such beautiful moments in rightwingery as this:

You: a racist who is not planning to vote.
Me: a guy who thinks this country will be worse off if Obama is elected
This comment is for you! Perhaps you won’t vote, but Oprah and her followers will.
You might decide to sit out the election, but Sharpton and his followers won’t.

Um, what?

MEGAN: Yes, I am a huge follower of Al Sharpton. Well, there was that time at the DNC when I followed him to try to get a picture, but he was walking really fast so I gave up following him.

SPENCER:

You might be too busy to vote for McCain, but 85-90% of blacks will vote for Obama.
Get your lazy racist scum of the earth butt out there and vote for McCain. Why? Because it is best for America. Is McCain perfect? NO! Is Obama evil, or bad, or would he be a rotten President? Nope. Obama is a liberal. That’s my agenda. I don’t want some liberal partisan hack from the Chicago political machine to run this great country. Will he ruin it? Nah. It would take more than one man to ruin this country, but we will be worse off with him as Obama as President, in my opinion. So vote. Everybody who is not a racist hates you, and ignores you, so I am reaching out to you and asking you to vote for John McCain for President

How brave of this fellow! He clearly was too modest to accept such accolades, so he posted this anonymously.

MEGAN: Bravo, good sir! Racists have voting rights too! Unless they've been to prison.

SPENCER: Here's my favorite part:

To our liberal and Democrat friends and readers: Shut up. Don’t even complain about this comment.

MEGAN: Oh, well, I feel pwned.

SPENCER: Jonah, is that you? Don't make me hunt down any IP addresses!

MEGAN: Hey, Jason, what's up? I feel like we should've met at a coffee shop to do this or something, only it would've required me changing out of my pajamas, and possibly showering. That breaks the blogger code.

JASON: It would have required me to forsake my Monster Manual and 20 sided dice.

MEGAN: You could've brought it, I would've IM'd an ex-boyfriend from college to get an explanation, though.

JASON: Ahh, well. I'm referencing Michael "Punk Ass" Goldfarb's D&D remark from the other day. That's apparently the only wicked cut down he's brought to his vaunted job of McCain ABBA Blogger.

MEGAN: Actually, I feel like D&D guys might've been more for McCain than against until that crack, given the D&D players I knew back in the day were all vaguely Republican.

JASON: But anyway, as a former lobbyist yourself, what species of raptor were you?

MEGAN: I would like to be a falcon, thank you.

JASON: Yes. A noble peregrine. Well, reading up on McCain's assertion that lobbyists are "birds of prey," I am forced to conclude that the man is utterly fucking nutlog.

MEGAN: That's what brought you to that conclusion? IHell, the way McCain is bashing on lobbyists these days with half his staff coming out of the community and lots of his money, his supporters must be too. Either that, or lobbyists are so used to bending over and taking it that they don't even feel it anymore.

JASON: Randy Scheunemann lobbied McCain something on the order of 71 separate times, so there was obviously plenty of kestrel feed laying around the McCain office.

MEGAN: Or a hot intern.

JASON: Or Vicki Iseman! But what's really, TRULY MINDBENDING is McCain saying that members of his administration were going to face a lifetime ban from lobbying. You read things like that, and have to conclude that McCain thinks Americans are straight up rubes. (And, given the fact that his offshore drilling scam seems to be popular, he maybe isn't wrong.) But how the fuck does the man propose he enforce a lifetime ban on his staff? Randy Scheunemann carried a goddamn SHOTGUN to the Hill once! Is he going to HAUNT THEM from beyond the grave?

MEGAN: The bigger question for me is where will he get staff from if not lobbyists? Or how fucking old is his staff going to be if they don't care about lobbying afterwards? Is he planning on having the entire White House staffed with AARP members? But, yes, I do think most politicians talk down to Americans and think they're rubes. Or, at least, don't bother to take the time to talk through issues in an understandable way because the media is all like "candidate talks for 25 seconds" and then "anchor speaks for 2 minutes."

JASON: Yes. And I can see this crazy, inapplicable proposal for a ban being reported as foundational information about McCain, as opposed to something that ought to have people saying, "This is just not credible. This is pure fantasy." I'd point out, that McCain says:

"As long as you have earmarking and pork-barrel spending and bridges to nowhere and money for DNA of bears in Montana and museums and all that, then you're going to have lobbyists...They’d all be out of business – most of 'em would be out of business if we stopped pork-barrel and earmark spending."

MEGAN: Which is also pure fantasy. I never once lobbied for an earmark. Hell, I never once lobbied for a company or organization or firm that lobbied for earmarks.

JASON: Right, the devil is in the details. I have to imagine that for every lobbyist on the Hill who's in their ear, begging for a crazy-ass bridge, there's a hundred who are trying to influence a range of structural votes on health care policy. I'm under the impression that lobbyists don't conceal their Great Works within obscure earmarks. You should note that the man actually voted for the bear DNA. But, I'm sure that McCain supported that bill out of a sincere love of bear baby batter, and not because Randy Scheunemann held him at gunpoint!

MEGAN: Oh, of course he did. I mean, that's part of the thing of the lobbyist hatred, part of what I learned doing the "Ask a Lobbyist" column. People think lobbyists are the people lobbying for things that they disagree with, and the people lobbying for things they agree with are, like, issue advocates.

JASON: Right. Iraqis are "terrorists," South Ossetians are "freedom fighters."

MEGAN: But, if we're on the topic, I gotta say, we have to play fact-check with Obama's ad tying McCain to Abramoff. Because, and I'm sure you recall, McCain's the reason Abramoff got caught. Period.

JASON: Yes. The ad is a "smoke-to-fire" attempt at making the same sort of assertion that the McCain camp countered with: Obama and Ayers. Here, they get Ralph Reed and Jack Abramoff and McCain all brewing up some Senate committee potboiler.

MEGAN: The one time I met Ralph Reed in person, the only thing that impressed me about him was how deeply stupid he was. And, I worked as a lobbyist in Washington. That's saying something.

JASON: Now, you can see why they'd run this sort of ad. The left is practically begging for attacks on McCain! But Obama says he wants to fight with "the truth." And there's plenty of fertile ground to plow before you start building castles in the air.

MEGAN: I mean, why not "McCain's so rich, he doesn't know how many castles he even owns."? Or "McCain wants a draft!"?

JASON: Oy. Ridiculous. But wait! We'll get back to the houses, but here's something I plan on pointing out today. That draft story? ThinkProgress and those guys GOT IT WRONG.

MEGAN: Oh, I'm sure, but it's way less wrong than "McCain <3 Abramoff". But please explain.

JASON: Well, the big pull quote was this:

QUESTIONER: If we don’t reenact the draft, I don’t think we’ll have anyone to chase Bin Laden to the gates of hell. [Applause]

MCCAIN: Ma’am, let me say that I don’t disagree with anything you said.

But, if you go back and look at the video, that's not at all what the questioner was leading to with her question. I'm paraphrasing here, but she was basically saying: "Senator McCain, I support you in wanting to chase bin Laden to the Gates of Hell. I have various family members who have served in the military. But our soldiers come home to broken down hospitals and barracks. Disabled veterans face terrible conditions upon their return. The support infrastructure for veterans is FUBAR. It's a sorry state of affairs that illegal aliens can get health care, but these soldiers who we pat on the back and tie yellow ribbons for get squat. If we don’t reenact the draft, I don’t think we’ll have anyone to chase Bin Laden to the gates of hell." So, if we're being honest, we have to admit that the question is not: "WILL YOU REINSTATE THE DRAFT?" But rather, "If something isn't done about the lousy treatment of veterans, no one's going to sign up to fight for this country."

MEGAN: I mean, yes, it's the 100 years in Iraq thing, but that's stuck pretty well, too. Stupid slips that don't mean what they sound like are what the Republicans use to win races. If you're going to wrestle with the pig, you might as well resign yourself to getting dirty.

JASON: Now, there's still plenty of room to go after McCain on this regard! This is the guy who wouldn't support the new G.I. Bill, which is geared to address and correct some of these problems, and give veterans a shot at a first-class future for agreeing to go and be maimed on our behalf. And once it became clear that this bill was going to pass with veto-proof majority, McCain started taking credit for it. This is a man who's just not serious about the issue the questioner raises.

MEGAN: I mean, wasn't he just kowtowing to his right about government spending? To the people that think no government spending is good? Who, amusingly, tend to be pretty hawkish in terms of foreign policy, and hawishness is expensive.

JASON: But, in this case, this glib, and rather false assertion, that McCain agreed to the reinstatement of the draft at a town hall, gets blasted out instead. Bad move. And it's really not the same as 100 years in Iraq. Because he does support a long-term presence in Iraq. He honestly believes that we are on the verge of affecting some Korea-style arrangement there.

MEGAN: Of course, one of the reasons we have an arrangement in Korea is that there was never a peace accord signed. We're still fucking all technically at war. Plus Kim Jong Il is craaaaazy.

JASON: All of which is true.

MEGAN: But, hey, we're totally going to withdraw soon, though not before Biden's son gets deployed. Is it just me, or does it seem like the only Senators with sons that have been deployed are Dems (Webb, Johnson, Biden)?

JASON: No, there are Republicans with kids in Iraq. McCain, for starters. Also Kit Bond, I think? Todd Akin of Missouri.

MEGAN: You're right about Kit Bond.

JASON: I sort of think a draft would be a good thing! If I could flip a switch right now that put our elected and appointed leaders' children and grandchildren in harms' way, I'd do it right now!
Now, that Wall Street Journal article...at first I was like, "Woah." But then I started reading the fine print:

"President George W. Bush is almost certain to accept the agreement, according to U.S. officials. The administration believes that the deal doesn't require congressional approval and won't present it to U.S. lawmakers."

Right there, I know that something sketchy is going on.

MEGAN: But if it doesn't change McCain's mind, or Kit Bond's for that matter (a big supporter of waterboarding, that one), what good would it do?

JASON: A glimmer of concern might light in their brains? They might come to see their decisions in some other light than abstract? I know: I'm a hopeless dreamer.

From hortense:

Waterloo!
If Obama's defeated
We'll have more war!
Waterloo
Vote for McCain
If that's what you're for!

Or, if you don't like that, Rooo sez BISH PLZ has:

Waterloo!
McCain, couldn't vote for you if I wanted to!
Waterloo!
Totes exchanging Wife One for Number Two!

Oh oh oh oh oh
Waterloo!
McCain, totes hate your spin on red white and blue!

From ineffable.me:

there was something in the air that night
the stars were bright Obama
They were shining there for you and me
for liberty Obama
though we never thought that we could lose
there's no regret
if I had to do the same again
i would, my friend, Obama

Or BillyPilgrimisnotmylover:

Can you hear the Court, Ferraro?
I remember another party fight like this
in the spotlight Ferraro
you were battling for choice and strongly speaking your mind
I could see the Court
and no women were left behind

Now you're old and grey
and for many months I haven't seen the logic in your stand
Can you see the Court, Ferraro
Don't throw away your kind because it wasn't what you planned

From hortense:

Barack Obama, save us from this drama, S.O.S
That John McCain is totally insane, S.O.S.

From ineffable.me:

Gimme gimme gimme McCain after midnight
Won't somebody help me chase these commies away
Gimme gimme gimme McCain after midnight
Take me through the darkness to the break of the day

From hortense:

The voters will decide
The likes of me abide
And soon we all will know
Who will run the show
Obama or McCain
The Maverick or The Change
I guess we'll know this Fall
The winner takes it all

From ineffable.me:

If you change your mind, I'm the first in line
Honey I'm still free
Take a chance on me
If you need me, let me know, gonna be around
If you've got no place to go, if you're feeling down
If you're all alone when the pretty birds have flown
Honey I'm still free
Take a chance on me
Gonna do my very best and it ain't no lie
If you put me to the test, if you let me try

From hortense:

Facing twenty thousand of your friends
How can anyone be so lonely
Part of a success that never ends
Still i'm thinking about you only
(still i'm thinking about you only)
There are moments when i think i'm going crazy
(think i'm going crazy)
But it's gonna be alright
(you'll soon be changing everything)
Everything will be so different
When i'm on the stage tonight

Yeah, you guys are insane and awesome at the same time. And I've been listening to Abba all afternoon. I'm never getting these songs out of my head.

ME: Ok, so, thanks again for filling in on ultra-short notice despite having a real job.
SPENCER: bffffft it beats reporting on afghanistan
JUST KIDDING BOSS!
ME: Want to trade? You can talk about pubic hair and I'll be all serious and shit.
SPENCER: well speaking of being all up in your snizz
my internet friends are buzzing about this RCP piece about why HRC's women voters should learn to love John McCain

A big sticking point for wavering Democrats will be McCain's position on reproductive rights. Clinton's backers are overwhelmingly pro-choice, and they'll want to know this: Would McCain stock the Supreme Court with foes of Roe v. Wade? The 1973 decision guarantees a right to abortion.

The answer is unclear but probably "no." While McCain has positioned himself as "pro-life" during this campaign, his statements over the years show considerable latitude on the issue.

so, ladies. had enough of those reproductive rights?
ME: That's bullshit. Like, a month ago he was telling Republicans that he wouldn't push this time to add anything to their anti-abortion plank, like how he's spent years trying to get an exception for the life of the mother, rape or incest. Apparently now that he wants to be President, it's cool .
WHERE ARE MY FLIP FLOPS??
SPENCER: i love the cynicism of that concession to mccain's stance on the issue
other politicians have "positions"
StraightTalk McSurge has "statements"
ME: And statements can't contradict each other, it's just what he was thinking at the time.
SPENCER: oh and let's not forget this awesome Weekly Standard piece from the height of the GOP primary

Arizona senator John McCain, currently a bit behind Rudy Giuliani as Republicans' favorite presidential choice for 2008, is far and away the most consistently anti-abortion of all the top contenders. During his 20 years in the Senate (plus four in the House), he has never failed to cast his vote in favor of whatever abortion restrictions are arguably permitted under Roe v. Wade: bans against partial-birth abortion, abortions on military bases, transporting minors across state lines to obtain abortions behind their parents' backs, and government funding for abortion both in the United States and abroad (all but the transporting-minors bill have become federal law). In addition, McCain has voted to confirm every "strict constructionist" judge (that is, disinclined to find, à la Roe, a right to abortion and related activities enshrined in the Constitution) appointed by the various Republican presidents who have served during his tenure, including Robert Bork for the Supreme Court.

i don't really believe that HRC's voters would actually vote for mccain
ME: But he's practically an enemy of the anti-abortion crowd because of McCain Feingold, so, it's cool.
SPENCER: the harriet "inadequate black male" christian lady from the DNC meeting? my guess is she's paid by Roger Stone
she sounds like my dead bubbe
no NYC jewess of that advanced age has "Christian" for a last name
ME: Didn't you see Ferraro's thing yesterday? Apparently, they're sophisticated enough to know that a Democratic Congress will keep their rights totally intact, so they don't care what you say.
SPENCER: i think we talked about it but i didn't see it
ME: Also, they'll just write in Hillary, that's, like, totes not a vote for McCain, just like Nader wasn't a vote for Bush at all.
SPENCER: you know who made that argument?
oh you beat me to it
ME: Occasionally, I can type fast and even accurately!
SPENCER: ps i got an email yesterday from a nader flack (they still exist!) saying nader was up to 6 percent in some poll
it can't POSSIBLY be true
ME: Yeah, Nader's been polling strangely well.
SPENCER: but seriously megan
let's discuss
how could any HRC voter actually vote for a pro-life republican
ME: They are really, really mad. I mean, let us be frank here, some people don't mind cutting off their noses to spite their faces. I come from a family of such women. I struggle every day to remember that what I want to get out of an argument or a situation is more important than acting on my raw emotions.
SPENCER: if what you're saying is correct
then we're really in a situation straight out of Nixonland
where the politics of resentment trumps everything
do you think we're at that point? or are we talking about such a small minority of HRC voters that to focus on them is to miss the point
ME: When doesn't the politics of resentment trump everything? How many people vote for a candidate and not just against the other guy? Witness all the overtures McCain's been making to disaffected HRC voters.
Do I think it's a small percentage? Polls say it's like 17% of her supporters, and 22% are saying they'll stay home.
Even if it's half of that, or ten percent of that, you and I just watched Recount, Gore lost, in the end, by some 350 votes.
SPENCER: ah but take a look at the characterization of such outreach
here's chief mccain douche michael goldfarb — formerly of the WS, now McCain's dep comm dir & blogger — enticing HRC voters with... McCain's love of ABBA.
now i am not a woman
but if i were condescended to like this, i'd be pretty fucking pissed
ME: Plus, is it universal for women to like ABBA?
SPENCER: i am on batting 1.000 on ABBA-agnostic-to-hostile women
ME: I think "Take a Chance On Me" is a crap song, though I did literally have a guy queue it up on my stereo in college to ask me to fuck him. It didn't work.
SPENCER: hahahaha you told me about that.
ME: But I will admit to a long-standing weakness for "Waterloo."
SPENCER: so if i called you a cunt in between verses of waterloo, you'd vote for me?
ME: The only person who gets to hang out with me during "Waterloo" is my best friend, JC, and only then if we're drunk. But, John McCain is no JC Johnson. Or any guy I would hang out with, let alone vote for.