• Lady Gaga was seen partying in West Hollywood with a "boy-toy."

They were dancing and drinking and wearing matching studded ensembles. They drank champagne and left early. Get it girl! [E!]

• Steven Tyler has entered rehab to deal with his addiction to pain killers. In a statement, he says: "With the help of my family and team of medical professionals, I am taking responsibility for the management of my pain and am eager to be back on the stage and in the recording studio with my bandmates… I love Aerosmith." Apparently Tyler has suffered injuries over the last decade that left him with "severe chronic pain" and he'll need additional surgeries on his knees and feet. [People]
• Peaches Geldof started — or fueled — a Twitter rumor that Miley Cyrus was dead. Not cool. [Perez]
• A judge has ruled that Britney Spears will remain under the conservatorship of her father for six months to a year. Say what you will, but it seems to be working. [TMZ, Radar Online]
• Cue Twihard squee: The first still from Eclipse, the third Twilight movie, has been released. FLOWERS. SPARKLE VAMP. MOPE. [ONTD via MTV]
• Unsolicited uterus update: Tiger Woods' ladyfriend Rachel Uchitel is not, repeat, not pregnant. You may hear otherwise, especially if you read Star magazine. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Jake Gyllenhaal was spotted partying in New York with Matt Dillon, Justin Theroux and Mark Ronson. An axis of hotness. [People]
• Lindsay Lohan was seen drinking in L.A. with Kevin Connolly and Leonardo DiCaprio. [People]
• Recently-released FBI documents show that police thought that terrorists would attack Michael Jackson's trial because of the "worldwide media coverage" it would attract. In addition, the FBI monitored MJ for over a decade. [ABC News via AP]
• Dr. Conrad Murray, who is still being investigated in the death of Michael Jackson, will star in a TV special. A British documentary crew shot footage of him as he returned to work. Of course, the show can't air until the investigation is complete, which could be a couple of years. [TMZ]
• Brittany Murphy was working on multiple film projects before her death, and one director she worked with says: "She knew her material, and she was on her game. She was professional. She was there for me. She was healthy." He adds that her husband and her dog were often on set with her: "The two of them really took care of each other,. He was her teddy bear, and she was just his little princess." [AP]
• Brittany Murphy's role in a romcom called Shrinking Charlotte will have to be recast. [TMZ]
• An expert — forensic pathologist Dr. Cyril Wecht — is convinced that Brittany Murphy's death was the result of an overdose. "One [drug that she took] was involved with Michael Jackson, Ativan. One of them was a drug that was involved with Anna Nicole Smith, Klonopin.'' [Miami Herald]
• Information about which prescription drugs were in Brittany Murphy's house was posted on TMZ, and the Coroner's office is "furious" that the details were leaked. How does TMZ get this stuff? [Mirror]
• Brittany Murphy's funeral will be held tomorrow, Christmas Eve. [Radar Online]
• Why didn't Gabby Sidibe win an African-American Film Critics Association best actress award? A nefarious theory, at the link. [NY Mag]
• It seems that instead of Dr. Watson, people are calling Jude Law "Hotson." Jude says: "Mostly I was only hot because I was wearing those thick tweed suits, massive overcoats and hat and gloves. I was always the one perspiring on set." [ABC News via AP]
• For the final show of Pink's tour, her husband Carey Hart came out on stage and had her dancers strip him down to his underwear. Then Pink straddled him. God I love these two. [Perez]
• Mischa Barton tried to take her dog into Whole Foods and was pissed when she wasn't allowed. She should have shown the security guy her mangled hand, maybe he'd have some sympathy! [Gatecrasher]
• Christina Aguilera was in a minor fender bender last night. [TMZ]
• T.I. is out of prison already? [AP]
• The stalker/fan accused of harassing Ashanti's mother was convicted yesterday and faces 2 years in prison. [ABC News via AP]
• Rihanna went to a comedy club with Ludacris. [E!]
• Heiress vs. heiress: Casey Johnson is jealous of Paris Hilton? [Page Six]
• If you think Sarah Silverman and Demetri Martin are funny, you're in luck: They're both returning to Comedy Central in February. [NY Mag]
• The Karate Kid remake starring Will Smith's son looks okay, except that Jackie Chain's stache is creptastic. Trailer at the link. [NY Mag]
• An animated version of Ricky Gervais's podcast: In the works. [NY Mag]
• The Edge says that U2 wrote a song for the soundtrack of the Tobey Maguire/Natalie Portman/Jake Gyllenhaal movie Brothers after being asked by director Jim Sheridan — and after seeing the film: "We didn't have anything (ready) but were just going to work on some music. We had a couple of interesting beginnings, but then we saw a rough cut of the film, and that gave us the inspiration." [USA Today]
• Ugh, Dance Your Ass Off got renewed. Season 2 begins next year; there were auditions in NYC yesterday. [ET]
• Kristin Scott Thomas has dropped out of an upcoming Paris production of A Little Night Music because she injured her foot. [Variety]
• True Blood scoop: Lafayette is getting a boyfriend. [EW]
• The LAPD held rapper Kid Cudi at gunpoint yesterday in a case of mistaken identity. Driving while black? [Reuters]
• Megan Mullally will return to Broadway in a Terrence McNally's play Lips Together, Teeth Apart. I miss Karen! [LA Times]
• Boy George wanted to be on Celebrity Big Brother, but a British court is saying that he can't, since he's still on probation and could make thousands from the appearance. [AP]
• Randy and Evi Quaid were in court yesterday and pleaded not guilty to skipping out on a $10,000 hotel bill. [AP]
• Does the $42,000 the Balloon Boy parents have been fined seem like enough? [Daily Mail]
• The Vatican hearts The Simpsons. [AP]
• The recession has hit Oscar campaigns, which are more low-key than usual. [Reuters]
• And yet: For the first time, U.S. and Candadian ticket sales have crossed the $10 billion mark. [Reuters]
• Paging Nurse Jackie fans: Mo-Mo the gay guy is off the show. [Gatecrasher]
• Justin Long gave out toys to homeless children, who look unimpressed by him in these photos. [ONTD]
• "I've been active all my life. And I haven't smoked in a long time. The reason and I can get through this show is that I eat right. I don't eat red meat. I eat chicken and fish. And salad. And steamed vegetables, occasionally roasted. I don't eat desserts. And I don't drink, well, maybe a glass of wine now and then. This sounds like a laughable way to live. But it's me. It's a good, healthy life. I'm not good at doing nothing… I don't know what retirement means." — Estelle Parsons, 82, who has just landed a role in Tony Award-winning play August: Osage County. [Reuters]
• "I can't say that I noticed anything that led me to believe, 'Oh my God, this person is messed up.' But one hears rumblings. It's a small town, and you hear from other people on other crews, but that's all rumors and stuff. [When she did 8 Mile] I was feeling — maybe not just then at that particular time, but over time — that she was maybe being pressured to be a certain body type and a certain kind of actress as far as playing the sexy, blonde, thin girl… And that she was buying into what she was supposed to be, rather than just being a wonderful, innocent young girl." — Clueless director Amy Heckerling, who says she is "shocked and angry" about Brittany Murphy's death and doesn't understand why no one was "watching out with what was going on with her." [ET]
• "It's too hard to live on a planet where you're a monster for not being moved by Susan Boyle's performance." — Michael Cera, to Maxim. [Page Six]
• "I hate Christmas. When I used to drink, it was a good excuse to get drunk for two weeks. Now I just hate it. [In 2003[ I was in a coma for a while, so I missed Christmas. Thank God." — Ozzy Osbourne. [Gatecrasher via Contact Music]
• "I have read the first two episodes and I can tell you that I will be singing and dancing. I can't tell you what I'm singing because it's top-secret. It's a very cold song." — Jane Lynch, aka your fave misanthrope, Sue Sylvester, on the next chunk of episodes of Glee. [ONTD via SheWired]

• After a clip of Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi getting punched in the face went viral last week, MTV has decided to pull the scene from an upcoming episode of Jersey Shore, stating that what happened to Snooki was "disturbing." [E!]

• According to E!, MTV has released the following statement: "What happened to Snooki was a crime and obviously extremely disturbing. After hearing from our viewers, further consulting with experts on the issue of violence, and seeing how the video footage has been taken out of context not to show the severity of this act or resulting consequences, MTV has decided not to air Snooki being physically punched in the face." [E!]
• Things are apparently getting serious between Renee Zellweger and Bradley Cooper: they've been spotted looking at houses together, and, according to a source, "he has already introduced her to his parents." [PageSix]
• Escort-service owner Michelle Braun says she has proof that one of Tiger Woods' mistresses, Jamie Jungers, used to work for her: a a 1099 tax form with Jungers' name on it. Braun does admit, however, that she can understand why Jungers might not recall working for her: "I did operate professionally under the name Nici, so maybe she doesn't know the name Michelle Braun. For eight years, I never met any of my girls or clients, and I never met her. In her defense, she might not be lying about not recognizing my name." [E!]
• Braun also claims that she set Tiger up with 10-15 women at a time. [TheSun]
• Meanwhile, Holly Sampson, a porn star also thought to be one of Woods' mistresses, was spotted outside of Vivid Entertainment with a script reading "Holly Sampson Golf Project." I'm sure the final product's name will be more creative, don't you think? Any guesses? [TMZ]
• Nike, however, says they are sticking by Tiger, despite his "indefinite" leave from golf, telling TMZ: "Tiger has been part of Nike for more than a decade. He is the best golfer in the world and one of the greatest athletes of his era. We look forward to his return to golf. He and his family have Nike's full support." [TMZ]
• Kate Hudson says growing up with her own famous mother makes her a bit sympathetic to her son, Ryder's reactions to her skimpier outfits at times: "I kinda understand what he was getting at. One time my mum came out wearing this little red dress. And I had that feeling like, 'Everyone's gonna be looking at you!'" [DailyExpress]
• "People work 20 years to get what we have. We really are so lucky. It's like you get a head start and it's all because of the fans. And it's not just about money or getting offers, it's that we can mold our careers."-Kellan Lutz, on the success of Twilight. [JustJared]
• NeNe Leakes and Kim Zolciak are reportedly in a stand-off with the producers of The Real Housewives of Atlanta because they're tired of paying the electric bills the show's production runs up in their homes. [TMZ]
• Penelope Cruz was disappointed when the rope marks from her big number in Nine (which involves sliding up and down ropes while wearing lingerie), disappeared. "I didn't want the marks I got from the ropes to go away, because they were like my little medals. I was so used to them that after three months of training, I didn't even feel physical pain anymore. I loved it." [E!]
• A prospective buyer for Lil' Wayne's house was asked by a broker before visiting the home: ,"'I have two questions: Are you offended by the smell of marijuana? And do you mind coming late in the afternoon? It's currently rented by Lil Wayne, and these are not morning people." [PageSix]
• Kevin Federline has lost quite a bit of weight, if anyone cares. [USWeekly]
• Victoria Beckham is using a method known as "The Alexander Technique" in order to improve her poor posture. "She absolutely hates the fact that in pictures she often has somewhat of a hunched-back stance and she hates having rounded shoulders, so she has been saying she feels so much better," says a source, "She practices the discipline after the gym every morning and at night. She is standing straighter and her body feels more aligned. It also helps you cope with stress." [DailyMail]
• Lily Allen says she believes she may have "a touch of dysmorphia. I was sitting in bed last night and I caught sight of myself in the mirror. I said: 'God, I'm a funny looking thing.'" [DailyMail]
• Hosting Saturday Night Live was the best week of my life. I started as a theater kid, so "SNL" has been up on a pedestal for me and I've always wondered what it would be like to actually experience it. You don't even notice you're so busy that you have to eat while walking to your next meeting. I was at 30 Rock at 7 a.m. until 1 or 2 at night a lot of times. I didn't want to leave. I was definitely stepping out of my comfort zone in terms of how people have seen me in the past. To see the reviews come in and them being positive and the ratings come in, and the fans were so wonderful and made a point to watch, it made me so thankful and so happy."- Taylor Swift [Reuters]
• If you're a Coldplay fan, you might want to check out their "Coldplay End of Decade Clearout Sale" on Ebay; the band is auctioning off signed costumes, instruments, and more to benefit "Kids Company, an incredible charity that helps vulnerable children and young people in London." [TheSun]
• Rowan "Mr. Bean" Atkinson's vintage Jaguar caught fire late last night; Atkinson escaped with "cuts and bruises" and the car was eventually towed away. [DailyExpress]
• Michael Jackson will be honored with a posthumous Lifetime Achievement Award at next month's Grammys. [Reuters]
• "One of my biggest dreams is to do a one-woman show, with dancing and singing. I just have to figure out the concept."-Catherine Zeta-Jones [DailyExpress]
• The Guardian is currently running a roundup of celebrities who "ruined the decade." On the list? Will.I.Am, Dan Brown, and Michael Cera. [Guardian]
• Russell Brand met girlfriend Katy Perry's parents and has been impressing them by dropping quotes from such people as Nelson Mandela: "You know, I've been bringing out quotes, I'm doing well, you know, because I'm committed to it and they're lovely, lovely people, its been nice. Obviously when I heard that my girlfriend had preacher parents, I thought well this has got a huge scope for disaster, but it's actually been quite good so far."[DailyMail]
• Meanwhile, Katy's father, Keith Hudson reportedly gave Brand a copy of his book The Cry which promises to "release a desperate longing in you for Gods intervention in your life." Brand then gave the Hudson's a copy of his own book, My Booky Wook, which Perry's mother, Mary Hudson read, telling the New York Daily News that "There are parts of Russell's book where he's really hungry for positive influences in his life. I think the two of them are hungry. They are basically seeking the truth from God - and they are going to find it." [NYDN]

[Image via MTV]

• Last week, Katherine Heigl complained that "cruel and mean" Grey's Anatomy producers forced her to work a 17-hour day, but according to rumors, the schedule was the result of producers shuffling things around to let her promote The Ugly Truth.

• Ken Levine, a producer who does not work on Grey's, says that everyone on the crew was paid overtime for the long day, adding, "This is an extreme case of chutzpah, but it's not uncommon that when shows become big hits cast members become much in demand... All of a sudden, the show that launched their success is now sort of an imposition... So producers are put in the sticky position of either denying them these outside projects or moving heaven and earth to accommodate them." [The L.A. Times]
• EW reports that Jude Law is expecting his fourth child this fall, "following a relationship last year." A rep adds, "no other statements will be made." Mwahaha...we'll see about that! [EW]
• Brad Pitt joked, "It's so tough being an actor... Sometimes they bring you coffee, and sometimes it's cold, and sometimes you don't have a chair to sit on." [People]
• This morning Star said that Michael Cera is 21 and had been dating 33-year-old Charlyne Yi for the past three years, but the two recently broke up (right before their film Paper Hearts opens). Newsweek ran an article dubbing him "The Hipster's Cougar Cub" but then posted a retraction, saying she's probably in her early 20s even though numerous sources say she's 33. Nobody knows here real age, and Newsweek also says he's 20, so we really have no idea how old these kids are. [Newsweek]
• Michael Jackson's friend Dick Gregory said that during MJ's molestation trial he called him saying, "They're trying to kill me ... they'll poison me!" but he was actually just so extremely dehydrated that a doctor at the hospital said if he'd waiting another 12 hours to come in he would have died. [TMZ]
• Michael Jackson's former nutritionist says he mostly existed on juice and smoothie diet, but "He loved trail mix, and once a month he had to have fried chicken." [E!]
• Michael Jackson's chef, Kai Chase, said she knew something was wrong on the morning of MJ's death because Dr. Conrad Murray didn't come downstairs to get the juice and granola he brought him every morning. She says, "I started preparing the lunch and then I looked at my cell phone and it was noon. About 12:05 or 12:10 Dr. Murray runs down the steps and screams, 'Go get Prince!' He's screaming very loud. I run into the den where the kids are playing. Prince runs to meet Dr. Murray and from that point on you could feel the energy in the house change. I walked into the hall and I saw the children there. The daughter was crying. I saw paramedics running up the stairs." Chase, the nanny, the housekeeper, and the kids formed a prayer circle as paramedics tried to save MJ. [Us]
• The DEA and the LAPD are fighting with Las Vegas police because the former agencies wanted to do a simultaneous raid of Dr. Conrad Murray's Houston and Las Vegas residences to maintain an element of surprise, but the Las Vegas police held up the second raid for nearly a week. [TMZ]
• Q: What's hanging above your sofa? David Cross: A painting of Michael Jackson being honored in the Rose Garden with Ronald and Nancy Reagan by his side. [N.Y. Magazine]
• Is Blake Fielder-Civil just holding daily press conferences now? Today he announced that Amy Winehouse cheated on him with four other guys during their marriage. [The Sun]
• When asked about the tabloid-generated rumors that Jessica Simpson would reunite with John Mayer, John's friend Rob Dyrdek said "absolutely not," but added that he "wouldn't rule out... I'm just saying [I don't think so]." [People]
• As mentioned in Midweek Madness, Us claims Tony Romo is dating Natalie Smith, the daughter of his former athletic director at Eastern Illinois University, even though all parties deny it. A source says they're "are are not officially dating, but they are having an intimate relationship." [Us]
• Ryan Reynolds rep has denied rumors that he skipped Comic-Con because of a fight with wife Scarlett Johansson saying, "[The report] is completely untrue. Warner Brothers never planned to have Green Lantern as part of their panel at this year's Comic-Con and Ryan is in Europe shooting a film." [People]
• Yesterday Kelly Clarkson blamed producer Ryan Tedder for not telling her that the backing track on her song "Already Gone" is the same one used on Beyonce's "Halo." Today Tedder replied, "They are two entirely different songs conceptually, melodically, & lyrically and I would never try to dupe an artist such as Kelly Clarkson or Beyoncé into recording over the same musical track, the idea is both hurtful & absurd." [TMZ]
• Ugh. More Twitter clues that Miley Cyrus is leaving her Jonas Brother for Justin Gaston. She Tweeted a line from one of Gaston's songs (apparently he writes music) this morning. [People]
• Georgia Sheriff Al St. Lawrence says he didn't do anything wrong by arresting and releasing the 53-year-old man accused of stalking Miley Cyrus last month. "If we had heard something about this guy supposedly being a stalker or he had been charged with a felony he wouldn't have been released," said St. Lawrence. [WSAV]
• Johnny Depp is looking at schools near Bath, England, where he recently bought a home, for his children Lily-Rose, 10, and Jack, 7. [The Daily Express]
• Madonna has written a column titled "How My Life Changed" about her religious awakening for the Israeli paper Yediot Ahronot. [AP]
• Russell Crowe walked into a charity shop in the U.K. next door to the cafe he's been frequenting while working on Robin Hood and made a £1,000 donation. [BBC]
• Friends of LeAnn Rimes and Dean Sheremet aren't doing much to dispel the rumors that their marriage ended because he's gay (in addition to her affair). They say the two were always spotted shopping for clothes for LeAnn around Nashville and, "When she met Dean, the whole image of who LeAnn Rimes was completely morphed into 'fabulousity," says the source, adding, "Her wardrobe, hair and makeup changed almost over night from the time they started being together." [People]
• For some reason Radar Online has posted the last blurry picture taken of American Idol contestant Alexis Cohen a few hours before she was killed in a hit and run. [Radar Online]
• Bob Barker met with members of the Eastern Band of Cherokee Indians in North Carolina to ask them to stop exhibiting bears in pit-like enclosures at local zoos. [Yahoo]
• Yesterday Courtney Love insulted The Veronicas and Taylor Momsen via Twitter. Lisa Origliasso Tweeted: "Is wondering what is considered 'credible' these days anyway!? A sob story? A drug addition? A guitar? Bleached hair? Give me a break.." [The Veronicas]
• Though a promo for The Real Housewives of Atlanta shows Sheree Whitfield pulling Kim Zolciak's wig off, Kim says, "It didn't happen." Co-star Lisa Wu Hartwell said of the incident, "Did that happen? You have to tune in to see that. But I know she had a hell of a grab on that. She had a serious mean grip." [Us]
• A public records search has revealed some of the names of the rides at the theme park Wizarding World of Harry Potter inside Universal Studios Orlando, including Harry Potter and the Forbidden Journey, Flight of the Hippogriff, and Dragon Challenge. [The L.A. Times]
• While promoting her new reality show How'd You Get So Rich? Joan Rivers said, "I'm still in this business at age 197, and am still relevant." [Media Week]
• A memorial garden honoring Adrienne Shelly, the Waitress actor, writer, and director who was murdered in 2006 will be dedicated in New York's West Village next week. [The N.Y. Times]
• Dolly Parton's Broadway musical 9 To 5 will close around Labor Day after a short run, losing about $14 million. [N.Y. Post]
• The Bachelorette Jillian Harris says of her engagement to Ed Swiderski, "It feels more normal than any relationship I've ever had," Harris says. "It's very strange how it's such a contradiction to have something so normal come from something that's so manic." [People]
• DJ AM was once a cocaine addict and survived a plane crash, and this fall he'll help the families of addicts stage interventions on the MTV show Gone Too Far. "There's no reason why I should have lived or why I lived and they didn't," Goldstein said. "I'm never gonna know. But I am alive and I'm here and I have to do something better with my life now." [The L.A. Times]
• "(I'm) a woman who has been through life experiences, thank God, and therapy. I love therapy! I'm very into it. I'm very in touch with my feelings, so I'm a completely different person. Not that different but you know... I gotta tell you, there's nothing like going in and sitting down and talking to someone who has no emotional tie to your life. Just to talk to someone. It's amazing." — Eva Mendes [The Daily Express]
• A fan asked David Beckham where he came up with his children's names and he responded: "With Brooklyn, we found out when we were in New York that Victoria was pregnant with him, so that's where his name comes from. Romeo comes from [the fact] that we're a very romantic couple. When we first met Tom Cruise - actually quite a few years ago – I said 'Isn't Cruise a really nice name?' And Cruz came from that. Tom was one of the first people we phoned when Cruz was born and told him. [People]
• When a reporter suggested Mad Men reflected the classiness of the '60s, Jon Hamm replied: "Buddy, I don't know if they had class back then. I can send you a couple of links of stuff where guys are berating their wives for making their coffee badly. What I think happened in the '60s is I think irony happened. And the idea of selling non-earnestly became cool. And obviously that's not a mistake that that's when the baby boomers started getting 18. We're seeing a lot of it now, we're seeing these cool hipsters, man ... You can't tell 18-year-olds anything. ... That's what happens. The irony happens. And it's cool to be in a not-cool place. Get it man? And so that's what the big shift was that our guys are trying to figure out." [The L.A. Times]
• January Jones said Mad Men producers admonished her for looking too thin. "I'm naturally pretty thin, so I'm trying," she said, explaining that all the women on the show are "encouraged NOT to work out. We want soft; we don't want any muscle definition. They tell us to gain weight, gain weight, gain weight, because they want a soft, voluptuous woman which they were [back then] which is beautiful, as it should be." [I'm Not Obsessed]

• Several sources say the real father of Michael Jackson's oldest children, Prince and Paris, is Arnold Klein, Jackson's dermatologist and Debbie Rowe's former boss.

• "He is the dad," said a source. "He and Debbie signed an agreement saying they would never reveal the truth." [Us]
• Nor is Debbie Rowe the mother! Sources tell TMZ she carried the two children but both were conceived by donor eggs and sperm outside the womb. As for Prince Michael II, the surrogate who carried him was never told the identity of the "receiving parent." Jackson's lawyer picked him up at the hospital and brought him to Michael. [TMZ]
• Also, Michael Jackson never adopted any of his children, even though he's not the biological father. When the kids were born there was no one else he thought would try to claim custody. [TMZ]
• But wait... Debbie Rowe's lawyer, says, "The vast majority of what is out there is untrue. Particularly hurtful and insidious is the most recent rumor — which is entirely false — concerning the maternity of the children. Ms. Rowe is the biological mother of the two oldest children." [Radar Online]
• TMZ dug up Prince Michael Jackson II's birth certificate. Michael Jackson is listed as the father but the space for the mother's name was left blank. Also, the birthday Katherine Jackson listed on court papers yesterday doesn't match the date on the birth certificate. [TMZ]
• The LAPD wants to talk to dermatologist Arnold Klein about drugs he may have been prescribing for Michael Jackson. [TMZ]
• During a "confusing, meandering press conference" Joe Jackson said the family still hasn't decided on funeral arrangements for Michael Jackson because they're waiting for the results of a second autopsy they demanded on his body. But he said he wouldn't be buried at Neverland. Joe also mentioned his new record company once again. Katherine Jackson has been granted temporary custody of Michael Jackson's children, and Joe said Debbie Rowe "has nothing to do with what we're doing." [USA Today]
• The doctor who was with Michael Jackson when he lost consciousness, Dr. Conrad Murray, won't be attending his funeral and hasn't spoken to the Jackson family since he saw them at the hospital where Michael died. [TMZ]
• Michael Jackson's body was driven to the Neverland Ranch today in a 30 car motorcade. His body will be put on public display there this weekend. [TMZ]
• Legal papers say Michael Jackson's had $567.6 million in assets, but was $331 million in debt. Neverland was valued at $33 million and the Beatles catalog was worth $390 million. [TMZ, AP]
• Three of Michael Jackson's albums sold more than 100,000 copies this week: Thriller, Number Ones, and The Essential Michael Jackson. Jackson's albums may take more than six of the top ten spots on Billboard's Pop Catalog Charts. [Rolling Stone]
• In this video Ciara cries while talking about Michael Jackson. [The Life Files]
• Rep. John Yarmuth, a Kentucky Democrat, said he "was close to nauseated" by the House of Representative having a moment of silence for Michael Jackson last week. He said: "I thought it was outrageous... In my two and a half years, we've never done that for anybody else who's a celebrity. We've done it for former members, and that's about it, for former members who've passed away. … I basically got up and walked back to the cloakroom and got off the floor, because I just thought it was totally uncalled for and over the top." [Politico]
• After hearing that some Michael Jackson fans are suicidal, Jesse Jackson said, "This is a time when hearts are heavy. There is great pain but great cause to celebrate Michael's life. It made Michael happy saying 'We Are the World.' Don't self destruct. We fall down sometimes, we get back up. That's the right thing to do. In Michael's name let's live together as brothers and sisters and not die apart as fools." [E!]
• Will.i.am was producing Michael Jackson's unreleased comeback album. He says, "It was going to be out of this world. It's something Michael has never done before - a dance music album. I was very proud of it. But he was very protective and kept it under lock and key. After we made it I had to hand back every demo. He was a perfectionist and didn't want anyone to hear it until it was ready." [The Mirror]
• Before her death Farrah Fawcett reconnected with her ex-husband, Lee Majors. "When Farrah got diagnosed, and it became public, Lee started calling Farrah's close friends to get updates on her," said a source. "He did that for two and a half years. He just wanted to know how she was doing because he still cared about her as a friend." [Us]
• The future of Billy Mays' show Pitchman is in doubt. In this show, he and Anthony "Sully" Sullivan would travel the country looking for new products to promote. A Discovery Channel spokesman said that right now, "We're just focusing on trying to support the family." [UPI]
• Jeff Goldblum appeared on The Colbert Report last night to reassure Stephen Colbert that he's not dead, despite what he read on "The Twitter." Stephen wouldn't accept that he's alive, so Goldblum gave up and eulogized himself. You can watch the clip here: [N.Y. Times]
• Matthew Broderick and Sarah Jessica Parker made a frantic plane flight to Ohio because their twins were born a few weeks early. "They were incredibly anxious they were going to miss the birth," said a friend, "Sarah Jessica and Matthew spent a very tense flight wondering if the girls would already be born by the time that they landed." They made it to the cesarean birth and were the first ones to hold the babies. [The Daily Mail]
• In the video at the link, Beyonce stops while singing "Put A Ring On It" at her concert and hands the mic to a man in the audience who proposes to his girlfriend saying, "Beyonce, you told me if I like it, I need to put a ring on it." She said yes. [Radar Online]
• Beyonce and Jay-Z went on a double date with Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin after the BET Awards. [People]
• Aerosmith drummer Joey Kramer says he hopes his new memoir Hit Hard: A Story of Hitting Rock Bottom At The Top will help other people. "Anybody that relates to stuff that's happened to me along the way — my anxiety, my depression, the drugs. If I can help someone, I'll have accomplished my goal," he says. [UPI]
• Coming to Broadway this fall: Hamlet starring Jude Law. [N.Y. Times]
• The "Madonna Nudes," have gone on display in London. She posed for the photos in 1979 for $30 and now they're being sold for £3,400 and up. [The Telegraph]
• We're tired of hearing about how popular the $2,500 Crooked Houses are after being featured on Jon and Kate Plus 8, but it is cool that the company is donating 10 percent of their profits to building underprivileged housing. [CBS News]
• Here are some racy pictures of Ashton Kutcher from his new movie Spread. [Perez Hilton]
• Anna Kournikova ended up with cuts on her neck after she was in a fight with a drunk woman at a Las Vegas club this past weekend. [People]
• Simon Cowell's hosting contract with American Idol will run out in May and he has reportedly been offered $144 million, about four times his current salary, to stay on for another year. [The Sun]
• George Clooney's production company Smokehouse Pictures hasn't renewed its deal with Warner Brothers and is moving to Sony. [N.Y. Times]
• A federal judge has ruled that Yoko Ono is the copyright holder of film footage of John Lennon taken in 1970. A Massachusetts company said they'd bought the rights to the footage of Lennon smoking marijuana and joking about putting LSD in President Richard Nixon's tea, but Ono says it was stolen and she's been buying up the copies. [AP]
• The following stars have been invited to joint the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences: Hugh Jackman, Anne Hathaway, Emily Blunt, James Franco, Michelle Williams, Michael Cera, Seth Rogan and Paul Rudd. [Hollywood Reporter]
• At a screening of her film The Continuing and Lamentable Saga of the Suicide Brothers, which was co-written by her boyfriend Rupert Friend, Keira Knightley joked, "He cast me because he was trying to get me into bed." [Style.com]
• Max Weinberg wrote "know's everyone is upset im leaving the show....but ill stop by from time to time to say hi! thanks for all your support over the years" on his Facebook page leading people to conclude his hiatus from The Tonight Show is permanent. A NBC spokesman says, "This is untrue. He's coming back to the show." [N.Y. Magazine]
• The sixth and final season of Lost will run 18 hours, an hour longer than originally announced. [THR Feed]
• Kate Gosselin's upcoming cookbook Love is in the Mix: Making Meals into Memories was originally due out in November but it has been postponed indefinitely. [N.Y. Post]
• "I didn't know if marriage was something that was super important to me... I didn't take the decision lightly. I ventured into it realistically. But life takes you places you wouldn't have expected. I'm really content with what was in the cards for me." — Mandy Moore on marrying her "best friend," Ryan Adams. [People]
• Johnny Depp says while making Public Enemies, he and Marion Cotillard "would sometimes speak French to each other on the set, especially when we didn't want anyone else to know what we were saying!" [The Daily Express]
• "If I could avoid a mirror when I brush my teeth in the morning, I would. I find security and safety in the most profound degree of ignorance. If you can just stay ignorant in almost everything I think you're gonna be OK. Just keep walking forward. It's OK to notice things and look at things but to judge things you know will bog you down. I didn't watch myself in the movie 'cos I don't like to be aware of the product. I like the process, I enjoy that." — Johnny Depp [The Mirror]

• New day, same rumor: The "doc" is a diva. So. Did Katherine Heigl get dropped from the cast of cringe-inducing flick Valentine's Day because she wanted too much cash? Her rep says:

"The story is ludicrous." And: "Katherine walked away from this project for multiple reasons." Hmm. Julia Roberts, Jennifer Garner, Anne Hathaway, Ashton Kutcher, Shirley MacLaine and Bradley Cooper are still in. [Page Six]

• Celebrities are speaking out about the gay marriage ban in California: Melissa Etheridge says: "So, will anyone be sleeping better tonight? Those full of hate and fear will surely be disappointed that 18,000 same sex couples will be living in wedded bliss, kissing their spouses goodnight, checking off those little 'married' boxes on all those forms we fill out nowadays. That's really going to drive them crazy." Lance Bass says: "The decision to uphold Prop 8 is deeply disappointing. I can only hope to one day live in a country that grants equal rights, opportunity, and freedom to all citizens." [Radar Online]
• George Clooney says of the ruling on Prop 8: "This just should invigorate people to get it back on the ballot in 2010 and 2012 and every two years until all people are allowed a basic civil right." [E!]
• Twitterholics Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore are threatening to quit Tweeting if Twitter goes forward with its plans to launch a TV show. [NY Mag]
• More Demi Moore: She will make the trip to the UK to watch Susan Boyle in the Britain's Got Talent finale. Simon Cowell offered her (and hubs Ashton) first-class plane tickets. [The Sun]
• This video clip may or may not be footage from the new Amy Winehouse documentary Saving Amy. One thing is for sure: It's boring. If you want to see Amy's dad talk about the villa in St. Lucia for 10 seconds and then see Amy say something unintelligible for about 2 seconds, then go ahead and click. [ONTD]
• News you cannot use: Someone somewhere says of Jesus Luz: "Leave it to Madonna to find the only Jew who's a hot Latino with an uncut penis." Brazilians aren't Latino, though, right? [Village Voice]
• Speaking of Madonna: Artist Peter Howson has created an oil painting of her Madgesty in the nude with her ex, Guy Ritchie, touching her thigh. Honestly? It doesn't exactly look like her. But it's up for auction this week, if you have £22, 000. [Mirror]
• Oh! Jesus Luz speaks! He and Madonna bought jewelry together, but it's not because they're getting married: "I received these pieces of jewellery because they are inspired by Kabbalah," he says. "If I want to present them to somebody, it could be my mother or a friend of mine. I don't have any marriage plans or any wedding present." [Mirror]
• Hugh Jackman's nine-year-old son uttered the following: "Hey dad, 2 o'clock, hot chicks." And, apparently, the kid, Oscar, went up to the girls and said: "Hey, you know that my dad's Wolverine?" [Mirror]
• Michael Lohan was arrested last month when he threatened to kill his fiancée and himself when she tried to dump him. Not good. [Page Six]
• Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick are moving to a bigger house in preparation for the twins. [Daily Mail]
• It's not a Mariah Carey gossip item without hairdresser drama and diamonds! [Page Six]
• Robert Pattinson may or may not have hooked up with a blonde chick when he was in the South of France for the Cannes Film Festival. Star spoke to the lady in question, who says: "We had a great time together! Rob's very sweet." Scintillating. [Star]
• If you see a "parade of rats," follow them! You might find Gisele Bundchen, Michael Cera, Rupert Everett and NBC news anchor Lester Holt, who are all experiencing a serious rat problem on their street in the West Village in NYC. [Page Six]
• Russell Brand, who hosted the MTV Awards last year, has advice for Andy Samberg, who's hosting the MTV Movie Awards on Sunday: "Do not jokingly criticise the Jonas Brothers — you will receive less-threatening death threats. There's nothing worse than opening a letter and then seeing in it a death threat. You think, 'Hold on a minute. I wasn't looking forward to the letter particularly. Now I fear death. Ruins a perfectly good read.'" [Mirror]
• Hey, Page Six: This item is called "Kelis & Nas Celebrate Their Baby," yet they're in the middle of a bitter divorce! [Page Six]
• Kevin Kreider, brother of Kate of Jon & Kate Plus 8, says the kids are being exploited and viewed as commodities. Sigh. [CBS News]
• Kirsten Dunst is selling her L.A. home on Nichols Canyon Road; it's got 3 bedrooms and 2 baths, exposed beams in the living room and cute outdoor spaces. Kiki is accepting offers starting at $1,700,000. Go! [Real Estalker]
• Kim Kardashian is not engaged. She doesn't know when she will get engaged. And yet. She is picking out rings. "It's just easier," she explains. "Isn't it easy if someone's like, 'This is exactly what I want.' It'll make your life so easy." [Yahoo News via E!]
• Breaking news from Lady GaGa: "I like boys that look like girls." [Fox News]
• Gavin Rossdale is on the road touring to support his new album, and little Kingston is with him! "Sometimes we'll go to museums of modern art so he can see a big splash of color on the walls… I found a way to kill some time in New York by asking him to look out the window and tell me every time he saw a yellow taxi," says Gavin. "He was so into it. We had a really good time." [People]
• Kelly Osbourne's fiancé saved her dog's life! Little Goldie was bitten by a rattlesnke and Luke rushed the pup to the vet. Kelly Twittered: "Thanks to Luke we got her there just in time. Luke was amazing, if he was not there I don't know what would have happened!" [The Sun]
• "Lifetime Movie Network Tuesday announced plans to air two fashion-themed murder mysteries this summer." LOL. Maggie Lawson stars as Lacey Smithsonian, a Washington, D.C., fashion reporter whose beat turns deadly. LOL! Mark Consuelos, Mario Cantone, Finola Hughes, Mary McDonnell and Victor Webster will be cast in the flicks, titled Killer Hair and Hostile Makeover. LOL. [UPI]
• Jodie Sweetin — aka Stephanie Tanner — has penned a book, UnSweetined, which details her past as a meth, coke, ecstasy and booze abuser who finally straightened out after she discovered she was pregnant. [Page Six]
• James Gandolfini, Will Ferrell, Nicole Kidman, Anne Hathaway and Kevin Spacey will be presenting at the Tony awards. Fingers crossed that they'll all do a musical number together! [Variety]
• James Brown died Christmas 2006, but legal battles over his estate have lived on. Yesterday a judge ruled that half of his assets will go to his charitable trust; a quarter to his wife and young son, and the rest to Brown's adult children. [USA Today]
• Ed McMahon's lawsuit — regarding slipping on a ramp-like staircase at a mansion and hurting his neck — has been settled. [TMZ]
• The promoter who sold tickets to see a fake Toni Braxton sing says that the Braxton impersonator was unaware of his scheme; she thought that everyone knew that she was an impersonator, and didn't find out until later that people purchased tickets expecting to see the real Toni Braxton. [Yahoo News via AP]
• Starting today, fans who visit Graceland get to go in the stables. [USA Today]
• Blind item! "Which beauty now going through a divorce told a pal over lunch four years ago, 'I've had several abortions. If my husband ever found out, he'd throw me out of the house?' Looks like he found out." [Page Six]
• "It's all about history. What we as mothers are doing is creating history with our kids that we can look back on. When they're adults I want my kids to say 'Mom worked so hard, but she was always there for us.'" — Britney Spears, who says she was encouraged by Madonna to take her kids on tour. [The Sun]
• "Playing a bad guy is always a freeing experience - because you don't have the same envelope of restrictions that you have playing a good guy." — John Travolta, who plays a bad guy in The Taking Of Pelham 123. [Mirror]
• "You want people to talk about you, because once they stop talking about you that's when you're really in trouble! I'm happy to have people talk about all the craziness they want to talk about, whether it's things like every year we're getting divorced or we're an open family or Will's gay, or I'm gay." — Jada Pinkett Smith, who graces the new cover of Ebony. [Just Jared]
• "I was on my way to a festival [in Chicago], I was on the street and he (a police officer) stopped me. He said 'put your ass up against the fence,' there were kids around so I guess he wanted me to cover up my butt — quite a bit was showing. But it was quite an epic moment for me, I was up against the fence going ‘it's fashion, I'm an artist!' I signed his ridiculous piece of paper and left. I was being wildly disrespectful to him, he looked like some park ranger on a bike." — Lady GaGa. [Fox News]
• "I had a gentleman turn up on my doorstep all the way from Peru. He said he'd seen my clip on YouTube and had to come congratulate me. That was pretty weird." —Susan Boyle. [MSNBC Scoop]
• "I met Randy Jackson, and he asked me to sing on American Idol. I was like, 'Um, I'll stick to dancing.'" —Shawn Johnson. [MSNBC Scoop]
• "I've always approached this from the place where I don't compete with other girls. I don't compete with other people in the industry, I compete with myself. If I looked at every other girl in the entertainment industry as competition, my life would be really lonely. I wouldn't have some of the coolest friends that I'm so glad I've gotten to know over the last couple of years. ... It's really awesome to get to hang out with those girls [Miley Cyrus and Selena Gomez] and to call them friends." — Taylor Swift. [Yahoo News via AP]
• "I'm home from the hospital and feeling great. Thanks for all the love and support!" — Elizabeth Taylor, via Twitter. [Reuters, Liz Taylor's Twitter]
• "I couldn't marry John Mayer, it'd be so intense. I'd definitely shag the shit out of him though. I'll go on record saying that." — Katy Perry. [The Sun via Complex]

• Drama surrounds Miss Britney Jean Spears. First of all:

Two roadies working on Britney Spears' Circus tour got into a fist fight with cops in Pittsburgh last night and have been arrested. [TMZ]

• Second: Is Britney Spears still texting Adnan Ghalib even though she's taken out a restraining order against him? A source claims, "She keeps sneaking messages to Adnan begging him to help her win back her freedom." The source continues: "She says she is lonely and misses being able to date the men she chooses. She feels trapped." [The Sun]
• It's official: Authorities in Malawi confirm that Madonna is trying to adopt a child from the country. [Yahoo]
• Lawyer Gloria Allred, an attorney for Angels In Waiting, says that Nadya Suleman should have her children taken away from her because she spends more time shopping than caring for them. "Of the 102 hours Angels In Waiting were in her home, Nadya only spent about eight hours in the nursery," Allred says. [People]
• Rihanna's tattoo artist, BangBang, says he suggested the guns to her. They thought about putting them on her shoulders, but decided Cover Girl wouldn't like it so they put it on her ribs. He says she picked the gun because, "she kicks ass and everybody supports her! She can do whatever she wants. She's one of the nicest and sweetest people I know. She has a lot of really good friends supporting her. We didn't talk about why she specifically got it. She's a rock. She's just thinking about having a great time now." [Perez Hilton]
• Jeffrey Dean Morgan has a four-year-old son he only found out about a few weeks ago. He's met the boy, who is the child of his ex-girlfriend, actress/producer Sherrie Rose. "He's shocked and surprised, but he wants to be in the child's life," says a source. [Us]
• Kenley Collins of Project Runway says no animals were harmed in her fight with her boyfriend. The assault charge against her was reduced to a misdemeanor. Kenley says: "The only reason why a cat was involved in this story because when I first approached Zak, I was holding my cat and it was gently tossed onto my bed," she said outside court. "There was no cat hurt or thrown. The cat was not thrown at Zak. It was tossed onto the bed. There was an argument. No violence was used. Nothing was thrown." [Star]
• Jennifer Hudson's taped American Idol performance will air tonight. When Ryan Seacrest asked if she'd set a date for her wedding she said, "Yeah, but it's a secret. I can't tell anybody." [People]
• The man who tried to meet Shawn Johnson on the set of Dancing With the Stars has been charged with felony stalking. He faces up to four years in jail. [People]
• Ian Somerhalder of Lost is joining the cast of the CW show Vampire Diaries. [Perez Hilton]
• You can check out some of Christian Siriano's Fierce Mamas maternity line here. [Babble]
• In this clip from The Osbournes Reloaded Ozzy Osbourne plays Audrina Patridge in a Hills spoof and the results are as horrifying as you'd expect. [Perez Hilton]
• You can read Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen's wedding invitation here. But be warned, it's incredibly boring. [TMZ]
• Jack Black will be on the kids show Yo Gabba Gabba on April 3 because he likes to dance. [Babble]
• Miley Cyrus is going to perform a song from the upcoming Hannah Montana movie at the Country Music Awards next week. [Entertainment Tonight]
• Poor Vanessa Hudgens was forced to eat by herself because Zac Efron is in Europe. Certainly she'd never want to grab a meal by herself if her boyfriend was on the same continent. [TMZ]
• Adventureland director Greg Mottola says he didn't cast Jesse Eisenberg in his movie because he couldn't get Michael Cera. He says: "People always ask me if I thought of Michael Cera before Jesse, and the truth is I was a fan of Jesse's already. He was the first person I thought of because he's a New Yorker and is more neurotic than Michael and felt more like [the character]. Michael is brilliant; he would have been great. My one concern with Jesse was that he had done Squid and the Whale and there was some overlap with the characters, but I thought I can live with the comparisons because I think it's a great movie." [E!]

• Following Chris Brown's arrest for making criminal threats (possibly to Rihanna), his commercials for Doublemint gum have been pulled from the air. He's also hired a lawyer known for some very high profile cases.

• Brown hired attorney Mark Geragos, best known for defending convicted murderer Scott Peterson, Winona Ryder after her 2001 shoplifting arrest, and Michael Jackson during his child molestation trial. Wrigley's gum has issued a statement saying they are "concerned by the serious allegations made against Chris Brown" and are suspending their ads until the charges are cleared. [People, Extra]
• Rihanna's rep issued a statement saying, "Rihanna is well. Thank you for concern and support." [Entertainment Tonight]
• Tameka Raymond, Usher's wife, is now in stable condition after suffering complications during "routine" surgery in Brazil, according to her rep. [People]
• Travis Barker says he left the hospital too soon after surviving a fatal LearJet crash. "I kind of rushed out of the hospital and my hand was numb, but I didn't tell anybody," he said. "I just wanted to get out." He has now had surgery to repair the nerve damage and will be in recovery for another 8 to 10 weeks. [Extra]
• An insider claims that the reason Kate Hudson is trapped in romantic comedy hell is that she doesn't pick her own projects. Decisions are made by her team of agents managers, and boyfriends-du-jour. "They choose what they think is best for her, "says the source. "They've made a lot of wrong decisions." [E!]
• Also, Kate Hudson and Owen Wilson: back on. Does that mean he gets a say in her career again? [People]
• Over the weekend Peaches Geldof announced her divorce from Max Drummey. Now sources reveal that she has been dating the Virgins frontman Donald Cumming for weeks and "couldn't care less about Max." [The Daily Mail]
• Is this video of Michael Cera flipping out on the set of his new movie real, or an homage to Christian Bale? Either way, there is something deeply unsettling about seeing George Michael act like such a brat. [Perez Hilton]
• The lawyer in Jodie Sweetin's custody case ordered drug tests for Sweetin and her estranged husband. Both are drug free. [People]
• Apparently Katy Perry's family provided some not-so-flattering childhood photos of her to CBS. In retaliation, she posted an unflattering picture of her red-haired sister on her blog, writing, "Wow. look at that tender mess. We're sorry all the gingers are going extinct. We salute you for you braveness of being a ginge." [The Daily Express]
• Denise Richards says of being a contestant on the new season of Dancing With The Stars, "All I hope is that I don't embarrass my girls!" It may be a little late for that. [People]
• Medical professionals were shocked by Oprah's endorsement of Suzanne Somers' theories on horomone replacement therapy on a recent show. Says one doctor: "Oprah is the most influential woman in the world, and I don't think she comprehends the amount of damage she has done to women's health. I came away feeling like Oprah really didn't understand the issue. Personally, I feel like she has set us back 100 years." [Newsweek]
• Two months after his arrest for drunk driving, Charles Barkley has finally admitted that he was wrong, saying, "It was stupid, and it was 100 percent my fault.'' [TMZ]
• Halle Berry says of Gabriel Aubry, her boyfriend and father of her daughter Nahla, "I feel more married now than I did in any of my actual marriages. We live the truth of that and that's more important than a piece of paper." [People]
• Woody Harrelson says making a film about the work of U.S. army casualty notification officers has given him more respect and compassion for soldiers. "I've been an outspoken peace activist for good reason. But what was missing from my own philosophy was a real understanding of what these soldiers go through," said Harrelson. [Reuters]
• Steve Harvey's relationship advice book, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man: What Men Really Think About Love, Relationships, Intimacy, and Commitment has been out for less than two weeks, but has already sold more than half of its initial print run. [The Wall Street Journal]
• Miss Piggy on why she'd never enter politics: "I've considered politics, but frankly I think they've already got way too many divas. And besides, when you're a celebrity of moi's magnitude, anything worth doing is worth having someone else do for you." [Publisher's Weekly]
• Hollywood screenwriters are itching to make a movie about Sarah Palin's clan! Milk writer Dustin Lance Black says he would like to write about Palin because he's "interested in great characters." But The Visitor writer Todd McCarty, says he would focus any movie he makes on the teenager who impregnated Palin's 17-year-old daughter Bristol, saying, "there's a dark comedy there somewhere." [The Daily Express]
• "My grandmother is basically blind, but she can make out the lighter parts, like my skin and hair. She says, "I can see you, because you have no pants on." So I'll continue to wear no pants so that my grandma can see me." - Lady GaGa [Perez Hilton]

• Full House star Jodie Sweetin, who recently turned her life around after a trip down Child-Star-Turned-Meth-Addict lane, is divorcing her husband of 16 months, Cody Herpin. Herpin, who Sweetin credits with helping her in her recovery process, claims he is "dumbfounded" by the divorce and is worried about the couple's 7-month-old daughter, Zoie. "Over this past month something has been different," Herpin says, "I'm concerned about our daughter and I just want (Zoie) home." [People]

• Things are not looking good for Lindsay and Sam: according to a "source," the couple had yet another fight last night in Dubai during a hotel launch party. "At one stage Lindsay approached Sam in the DJ booth and screamed at her, 'How many more songs? How long is it going to take for you to pack up?"' The pair have apparently been "fighting like cats and dogs," and as Dodai reported yesterday, are reportedly looking at couples therapy to help them patch things up. [DailyMail]

• Jessica Simpson is thrilled about her new nephew, Bronx Mowgli Wentz. "Bronx is beyond precious," Simpson tells US Magazine, "I'm over the moon with joy. Life is a beautiful miracle.[US Magazine]

• Meanwhile, a baby-naming expert doesn't think Bronx Mowgli will set off a baby-name trend. Ya think? [US Magazine]

• Is Britney gearing up for a world tour? Apparently she was in court yesterday to discuss the possibility, according to court spokesman Allan Parachini: "There isn't a lot I can tell you about it. There was discussion of Ms. Spears' future immediate business plans. Particularly touring in support of her album."[E!]

• Aaron Eckhart had only lovely things to say about his co-star, Jennifer Aniston: "It was wonderful; she was awesome to work with. Good friend, sweet girl, total pro. She has just a heart of gold, and I totally enjoyed the experience.”[E!]

• Twilight is already raking it in at the box office: the film has taken in over 27 million dollars so far.[HuffingtonPost]

• President Bush's daughter, Barbara, has some advice for the Obama girls: "I think my advice to them is just, when they move...just make really good friends and surround themselves with people that will protect them because they love them regardless."[US Magazine]

• Are you in the market for a slightly-used couch? Well you're in luck, because Jenna Jameson is selling hers on Ebay in order to raise money for the twins she's currently pregnant with.[ASocialite'sLife]

• Can't wait until 2009 to catch a glimpse of the upcoming Bruno film? A sneak peak can be found here.[FashionWeekDaily]

• Travis Barker has filed a lawsuit against Bombardier Inc., Clay Lacy Aviation and Goodyear Tire and Rubber for their role in the crash that killed 4 of Barker's fellow passengers and left Barker severely burned last September. Barker claims that the Learjet from the crash was "defective," noting that "it's landing gear, tires, wheels, brakes, reverse thrust system, squat switches and component parts were not airworthy." Barker has been making progress since the tragedy:"I'm already playing my drums again," he says, "and I'm already back in the studio." [US Magazine]

• Paris Hilton and Benji Madden aren't broken up, you guys. They're just "taking a break," according to Paris. "He's my best friend," Hilton told Ryan Seacrest yesterday, "He's been so great to me, so loyal. He is an incredible person, and we will always be really close. We'll see what happens in the future. I'm still in love with him." [US Magazine]

• Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer were seen being quite affectionate with one another while having dinner with John's parents: ""Jennifer was constantly rubbing his hair and John was rubbing her back, then every so often they would steal a kiss. They both looked very happy and very much in love.” [TheSun]

• Don't expect to hear about Jennifer's love life on her Facebook page, however. "[Facebook is] not for me," she says, "I’d be opening myself up too much. I don’t want to sound like a complete innocent — I’ve looked at things, of course. But it’s such spewing. If I look at it, I’ll be affected. It’s like dancing with the devil." [Just Jared]

• Is Michael Cera the only cast member not on board with the upcoming Arrested Development movie? [LaineyGossip]

• Sarah Jessica Parker had no idea that removing her mole would be such a huge deal: "If I knew it was famous I never would have had it removed," Parker says, "My health is terrific. I never thought anybody had any emotional attachment to that mole. I certainly didn't. It was just one of those things where I had a couple weeks and I thought, "I can finally get that mole removed," like many people do. It was an incredibly slow news week . . . One woman said to me, "That's your signature!" I said, "That's my signature?! All these years of being worried about the work, I could have just counted on my mole?!"[PopSugar]

• Kissing Jessica Stein star Jennifer Westfeldt (who also happens to be Don Draper's girlfriend) will be joining the cast of Grey's Anatomy as a patient for a "multi-episode arc." [EW]

• Tila Tequila will be replaced by a set of bisexual twins for the next installment of A Shot At Love, which will now be titled, of course, A Double Shot At Love. Apparently the original title, OMG When Are People Going To Stop With The Sexy Twin Incest Biz, Seriously MTV, You Cancelled 120 Minutes For Shit Like This!? was a little too long.[People]

So, Norah (Kat Dennings) takes Nick (Michael Cera) to the studio her dad owns on New York's Lower East Side. Nick is fondling a sweet Stratocaster but making goo-goo eyes at Norah. Norah decides to take matters into her own hands (quel surprise!) and makes a move on Nick. They start making out and the camera pans off them. Nick makes some cute comment about how her pants are hard to unbutton, and Norah makes some satisfied orgasm noises and the camera pans back to them in post-fingered bliss.

While most movies about teens show them ripping off all their clothes and fornicating pornily after 30 seconds, Nick's awkward third-base meanderings are so much more like what happens with real seventeen-year-olds in the flush of their first hook-up with a new person. Norah later admits she's only kissed one other person before, and this is additionally realistic, as she's brainy and goes to an all-girls school. Also, I've never seen a movie where someone got fingered (well, except for Reese Witherspoon in Fear, and that's on a rollercoaster and then Marky Mark ends up being a terrifying stalker). And also! Norah doesn't touch his penis, and I was glad that for once, a teenage girl is shown getting some pleasure. Far too often teenage girls in narrative cinema and television are only allowed to have the pleasure of a sexual experience if they are later punished with a pregnancy (or having their boyfriend turn into a terrifying stalker).

Final verdict on the film: moderately amusing, good soundtrack, accurate portrayal of teen sex.

Earlier: Why I Already Irrationally Hate Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist
The Earnest Fumbling Manchildren Of Film Make Crappy Boyfriends

• Happy New Year, little Jewzebels. It's starting off pretty rocky, but we guided you through the rough shoals of the VP debates with a steady hand and a drunken heart.
• This Palin supporter sounded like she was drunk with her garbled endorsement of the moosetest with the mostest.
• Times are tough for this country, and for weepy Prodge Run contestants.
• You know who always has a stiff upper lip and a lot of fun? "Spinsters."
• Thankfully we can reminisce fondly about the days before we knew what a mortgage was. Check out the Jezebel school pictures and remember this: the older they are, the cuter they ain't.
• You know what else ain't cute? Elisabeth Hasselbeck when she gets all yelly.

• Even less cute: a mother and son who do it. That's like, the inverse of cute. That's etuc.
• You know, some people think Michael Cera and his Earnest Fumbling Manchildren are pretty adorable, but we beg to differ.
• We might be irked by EFMs, but they're still more enlightened than what ladies had to put up with in the days of Joan Holloway.
• But you know, it's Friday, and guess what? WEEKEND JEZEBEL is here! So kick back, relax, and enjoy the new content.

Sure, he's cute for the 120 minutes of a movie, but how annoying would it be to make all the decisions while a hoodie-clad yes-man stands sweetly off to your side? Actually, there's a pathetic paucity of boyfriend material in film these days, and it's because the men of romantic comedies are forced into one-dimensional stereotypes just as often as the women are.

We're always railing against Hollywood for forcing women to choose from roles that are either hookers, victims, doormats or pixies, but the options for men are similarly limiting. There are three categories of men in romantic comedies. They're either EFMs like Cera, Hugh Grant in Four Weddings and a Funeral and Notting Hill and Zach Braff in Garden State, personality-free perfect cyphers like James Marsden in 27 Dresses, Colin Firth in Bridget Jones's Diary (don't let the fact that it's Firth fool you. This character is not well developed or realistic!) or Mark Ruffalo in 13 Going on 30, or stonery slackers like Seth Rogen in everything or Kal Penn in the Harold and Kumar movies.

I tried to think of dudes in romantic films with fully developed, complicated, non-stereotypical characters whom I'd actually want to date/screw in real life, and the list is pretty flimsy:

• Ryan Reynolds in Definitely, Maybe or Just Friends
• Ryan Gosling in The Notebook
• Paul Rudd in Clueless
• Taye Diggs in The Best Man
• Cary Elwes in The Princess Bride
• Gael Garcia Bernal and Diego Luna in Y Tu Mama Tambien
• John Cusack in Grosse Pointe Blank

I can't even include Cusack in Say Anything, because Lloyd Dobler is borderline EFM. Is there an untapped well of boyfriend material that I'm missing? Where are the Paul Newmans of this modern world? Help a girl out!

On The Brink [Hollywood Elsewhere]

Earlier: Manic Pixie Dream Girls Are The Scourge Of Modern Cinema
Cool Hand Paul: Thinking Woman's Sex Symbol

[Los Angeles, December 3. Image via Splash.]

After all, menstrual blood is gooey, photogenic, and just the right place on the fetidness spectrum between "semen" and "barf" to make for hilarious — but not absolutely stomach-churningly putrid — physical humor. And you thought the point of the movie was the poignancy of the adolescent male bond! Go Seth Rogen! We think we can think of a certain comedic pregnancy sequel that could maybe give America its seminal (heh) comedic "period sex" scene!

[Los Angeles, CA; August 13. Image via FilmMagic.]