• They said it would never happen, but a judge ordered that Google reveal Liskula Cohen's anonymous online tormentor. The model sued Google to find out who was behind a hate-blog about her, in order to file a defamation suit. [NYPost]

• Marc Jacobs does not "enjoy", "look forward to," or anticipate seeing any shows besides his own at New York Fashion Week. "Enjoy?" said the designer, at a party in the Hamptons, "Enjoy is a weird word. It's work — work is more what it's about." So it's not fun? "No." In addition to his two collections to show, Jacobs has a wedding pull together just now — his nuptuals with partner Lorenzo Martone will take place privately in Provincetown, Massachussetts, "soon." [The Cut]
• Hopefully Jacobs was put in slightly better humor by a visit from Miss Piggy. She needed a dress for a red carpet affair in Chicago, and the designer was happy to oblige, so the porcine starlet popped in for a fitting. [WWD]
• Keira Knightley and a strategically arranged suspender star in the newest ad for Chanel's Coco Mademoiselle perfume. [Egotastic]
• Sass & Bide, the Australian denim label which generally shows internationally in New York, has announced it is joining the thundering horde heading to London Fashion Week this season. A raft of British designers have made special arrangements to return to London to show in this, London Fashion Week's 25th anniversary year, and even Anna Wintour — who normally drops the city from her fashion calendar — will be showing up. [Telegraph]
• The cast of the next season of Dancing With The Stars has been announced, and Vera Wang's name is not there. Kelly Osbourne, Melissa Joan Hart, and an Ultimate Fighting Champion might not make the best company, anyway, and Wang has a company to run, so we're not that surprised. [Us]
• Elettra Weidemann, Isabella Rossellini's daughter, scored another fall campaign, for G Star. Anton Corbijn, who directed the Joy Division movie Control, and has photographed U2 for years, was the photographer. [Fashionista]
• Eugenia Kim's diffusion line for Urban Outfitters, branded Eek!, includes a nice looking cloche, and some potentially interesting headbands and fascinators. For $28-$48, as opposed to Kim's main line's $200-$300 pricepoint, this line looks like a winner. [FabSugar]
• Speaking of Urban Outfitters, is there any other chain you would expect to take up the noble cause of saving Polaroid from obsolescence? [Elle UK]
• Hermès is reissuing one of its classic scarf designs to benefit the International Federation of Human Rights. The blue-green scarf will be sold on fidh.org for 215 Euros, starting early next month. [WWD]
• Fashion blind item! "WHICH rising American model has stopped getting snapped backstage by photographers? She's dated so many of them (and their important friends) that now they refuse to give her any exposure!" [Fashionista]
• Wal-Mart is expanding its reach into the tween market. In addition to having Taylor Swift design dresses for L.E.I., and selling Miley Cyrus's line with Max Azria, the world's largest retailer has inked a deal with Nickelodeon to partner with the young stars of a show called True Jackson. [WWD]
• Presumably in order to give Toby Keith a run for his money, Kenny Chesney is launching a fashion line. [People]
• Zara is expanding its outlet chain, Leftie's, into France, after successfully opening the super-budget stores in Portugal and Mexico. This is clearly something we need stateside, stat. [WWD]
• Saks' net loss in the second quarter widened to $54.5 million, an increase from the $32.7 million loss the company experienced during the same period last year. However, Saks actually beat analysts' expectations. [WWD]

• Lily Allen was performing in Helsinki, Finland when she burst into tears. Before the show, she Tweeted:

"Fell over badly last night and I've really fucked my back up. Just had an injection in my bum. How am I gonna get through tonight's gig?" Throwing out your back is terrible! So is Lily's hair/makeup in these pix. [Daily Mail]

• Bill Maher said he once saw Brad Pitt roll the most perfect joint he had ever seen. "I'm an artist," Brad agreed. [NY Daily News]
• Brad Pitt is being added to Guy Ritchie's Sherlock Holmes as the detective's arch enemy. The character of Moriarty was missing from a rough cut of the film, and movie execs insisted the famous nemesis be added to the flick. Ritchie called old pal Pitt (who was in Snatch) and he'll film this week in London. [Mirror]
• The Dancing With The Stars season 9 cast: Revealed! Macy Gray, Melissa Joan Hart, Kathy Ireland, Mya, Iron Chef host Mark Dacascos, Ashley Hamilton, former Dallas Cowboy Michael Irvin, Donny Osmond, Tom DeLay (?!?!?!), Olympic swimming gold medalist Natalie Coughlin, model Joanna Krupa, Debi Mazar, Kelly Osbourne, Aaron Carter, Chuck Liddell, and snowboarder Louie Vito. [ABC News]
• Jennifer Aniston complimented a woman pole-dancing on the set of The Bounty, saying she looked like a professional. The lady replied, "I am!" [Gatecrasher]
• George Clooney plans to sue a photographer who climbed over the wall of his Lake Como home and took pictures of a 13-year-old girl changing in a guest room, as well as snaps of Clooney and gf Elisabetta Canalis. Cloons says: "I don't know about the law in the United States, but in Italy it's illegal for photographers to climb over my wall. He'll also press charges against two magazines who published the photos. [Gatecrasher]
• Beyoncé: Secretly taking ballet classes at Alvin Ailey School of Dance. [Gatecrasher]
• Jon Gosselin went to a party thrown by a student at Parsons School Of Design. He only stayed for 20 minutes, but arrived with a paparazzo and left with two female students. Keepin' it classy. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Even though Paula Abdul won't be on Dancing With The Stars, she MIGHT get a ABC show of her own. Paula's Wacky Clappy Variety Show? [TMZ]
• Madonna performed in Warsaw on Saturday even though it was a holy date, the Assumption of Mary feast. National group Pro Polonia called her a "crypto-Satanist," which is not very crypto. [Daily Express]
• Bob Dylan was on tour and took a walk in Long Branch, NJ, when he was stopped by cops; a resident had reported someone "wandering" around the neighborhood. A cop asked him for I.D. "I don't think she was familiar with his entire body of work," says a town official. [NY Daily News]
• Jennifer Lopez is looking pretty hot on the cover of InStyle and inside she's saying stuff like: "There's nothing as huge as giving birth to another human being and having to be responsible for another life. There's you before kids, and there's you after kids – and they're not the same you." [People]
• Mark Wahlberg was rushed to the hospital on Friday morning after suffering smoke inhalation on the set of The Frighter. A smoke machine was being used for atmosphere and Wahlberg breathed in too much. [RadarOnline, Daily Express]
• Amy Winehouse's divorce from Blake Fielder-Civil will be finalized at the end of the month, but Blake allegedly told a reporter: "I want to take her out for dinner and propose again. I hope that within five minutes we'll be planning where we're next going to get married." [Daily Mail]
• Blake also says: "She is looking beautiful and healthy now and it reminds me of the old Amy." [News Of The World]
• Amy will appear on Strictly Come Dancing in September as a backup singer for her 13-year-old goddaughter Dionne Bromfield, and there's a cute picture of them hugging at the link. [Mirror]
• Bodysnarky opening sentence of the day: "She's looking thinner than ever, but there's one part of Victoria Beckham that looks set to put on a lot of weight very quickly - her wallet. Posh Spice has landed a £3million contract on American Idol…" [Daily Mail]
• Joe Simpson is pushing Jessica Simpson as the perfect replacement for Paula Abdul on American Idol. [Page Six]
• Saturday night after a Fall Out Boy show, Ashlee Simpson and husband Pete Wentz were at a bar when Ashlee got wasted, yelled at Pete and made him leave his own party early. Charming! [Perez]
• Jane Fonda, 71, might marry 67-year-old Richard Perry next year, which would be her fourth wedding. [Daily Express]
• So many contradictory stories about MJ. We first heard that he was strong during rehearsals. This report claims: "Michael Jackson was so weak in his final days he needed to be SPOON-FED meals, his make-up artist has revealed." [The Sun]
• "Michael Jackson's body has been moved in secret to a new crypt, where it's been frozen." [Daily Express]
• This report claims that Michael Jackson will be buried on what would have been his 51st birthday, August 29. Or so says Joe Jackson. [Gatecrasher]
• You know how Michael Phelps was in a car accident last week? Turns out he was driving with an expired license and told cops he had a beer about an hour before the crash. [TMZ]
• George Michael on his car smashup: "Neither of us was charged because we were both stone cold sober. We both think the other is to blame so this is just an insurance fight." [E!]
• Eva Longoria is expanding her restaurant business, and soon she'll have a Beso Vegas and "Besitos" in ariports. [People]
• Kristin Bauer, who plays Pam on True Blood, thinks Anna Paquin and Stephen Moyer will have kids together since Anna is "great" with Stephen's kids from previous relationships. [E!]
• Tons of Gossip Girl spoilers at the link, and yes, there are details on Chuck and Blair — with a HOT picture of the Bass. [People]
• Matthew Settle — Gossip Girl's Rufus — skateboards through New York during rush hour. [NY Times]
• Actress Aishwarya Rai has a chest infection with flu-like symptoms. [Times Of India]
• Anna Friel will play Holly Golightly in an upcoming stage production of Breakfast At Tiffany's in London. [Times Of London]
• The Office's Amy Ryan — who plays Holly Flax — is pregnant. [E!]
• An excerpt of Alana Stewart's book, My Journey With Farrah: A Story Of Life, Love And Friendship, at the link. [Daily Mail]
• Bananarama's back. [Daily Mail]
• Aberdeen, Washington has the title of one hometown hero Kurt Cobain's songs, "Come As You Are," posted at the entrance of town. An unofficial park has been established next to the bridge under which Cobain hung out and wrote songs. [LA Times]
• Blind item! "Which D-list relationship recently ended when the gal found out her man's secret vice was boy-on-boy action?" [Gatecrasher]
• "I can't tell you how far from a gold-digger I am. I've never dated a rich man in my life. I've always wondered how girl friends of mine could even ask their boyfriends to buy them clothes." — Samantha Burke, who was impregnated by Jude Law. [Daily Mail]
• "I thought it was an incredibly sexual role and a challenge to be an 'older woman' in the film. Roles always challenge me in some personal way and that was one I wanted to overcome: 'Wow, all of a sudden, you've become the "Older Woman" in a movie. Let's give the younger ones a run for their money.'" — Anne Heche on playing opposite Ashton Kutcher in Spread. [LA Times]
• "This season, I really want to get back to the guerilla style I used to have. I want to try to get back to my roots and make it crazy. In the first episode, I get buried alive in a coffin, six feet under 5,000 pounds of snow. I want people to realize I'm not complacent because I have a little bit of success and a little money. Hopefully in return I can raise the level of the art form to the level other art forms receive, like the cinema.… I just really loved the ability as a kid to do something that adults didn't understand. It was like power. Then I realized as a teenager that there was more to the art of magic than how you did it. It's trying to connect to somebody." — Criss Angel, whose Mindfreak is back on A&E for its 5th season. [LA Times]
• "I like everything about filming except the acting. In recent years I've had really bad attacks where I totally froze up. I thought 'Well, if I am going to get stage fright, then I am packing it in.'" — Hugh Grant. [Daily Mail]
• "I think anybody that's touring is going to have a carbon footprint. I think it's probably unfair to single out rock 'n' roll. There's many other things that are in the same category but as it happens we have a program to offset whatever carbon footprint we have." — The Edge, annoyed by critics of U2's travel. [Daily Express]
• "The Harry Potter books are not explicitly religious in the way that C.S. Lewis's Narnia tales are, but there is a strong sense of evil, and issues of good and evil are not only philosophical issues but also theological issues." —University of Massachusetts-Amherst philosophy professor Gareth B. Matthews. [UPI]
• "I think when I started I was working in the vein of The Dirty Dozen or The Devil's Brigade. But now watching the completed film with audiences, I don't think there has ever been a World War II movie like it. That can be a good thing or a bad thing, depending on your taste, but it's definitely a thing." — Quentin Tarantino on Inglourious Basterds. [WSJ]
• "Don Cheadle could play me, but I hope they just go with the obvious casting choice." — Richard Belzer, when asked who would play Richard Belzer if his crime novel about a a New York City police detective named Richard Belzer were made into a TV show. [Publishers Weekly]
• "I've had my heart broken before. Truly, truly broken. But when I look back at me in my heartbroken phase, it's pretty hilarious, because it felt so much more extreme than it really was. One of the things I love about (500) Days of Summer is that it doesn't make light of what we go through in romances, but it is honest about it and shows it for what it is, which is often profoundly funny." — Joseph Gordon-Levitt. [Guardian]
• "The speed of news creates so much vertigo. I am a very private person." — Penelope Cruz. [Telegraph]
• "We kind of rolled our eyes at the idea of having to make out." — Amanda Seyfried on her Jennifer's Body girl-on-girl scene with Megan Fox. [Page Six via Entertainment Weekly]
• "I remember really vividly kneeling by my bed as a nine-year-old, saying my prayers and asking God to give me boobs that were so big that if I laid on my back I wouldn't be able to see my feet. Eventually that request was granted. A bit of divine intervention displays the power of prayer. Every time before I go on stage, or go out where I know there will be a lot of press, I take a skipping rope and spend about ten minutes, fully clothed, skipping. I look like Rocky. This way I can ensure that everything is firmly in place and I won't have a wardrobe malfunction. Don't want those boulders doing a show of their own." — Katy Perry. [The Sun]

• Kate Winslet tells Allure that when filming The Reader, she had to regrow her pubic hair:

"Because of years of waxing, as all of us girls know, it doesn't come back quite the way it used to. They even made me a merkin (wig) because they were so concerned that I might not be able to grow enough." [MSNBC Scoop]

• Jon Gosselin speaks! He's on the cover of People, saying, "Eight Enough Is Enough!" [People]
• Kate Hudson and Alex Rodriguez: It's getting serious. How do we know this? A source says: "He introduced her to a bunch of his friends." [People]
• In case you were wondering what Kimora Lee Simmons and Djimon Hounsou named their baby boy, it's Kenzo. Kenzo Lee Hounsou. Has a nice ring to it. [Page Six]
• Uh-oh: Stevie Wonder's son busted for domestic violence? Love's in need of love today. [TMZ]
• Steve Dennis has penned a book titled Britney: Inside The Dream and writes about the pop star shaving her head: "The head-shaving had little do with self-loathing, more a loathing against the public persona that had defined her until then. What few people knew was that Britney was rowing with her mom, Lynne, who seemed to be incessantly reminding her of her motherly duties and responsibilities… The head-shaving moment was the culmination of an escalating rebellion, heightened by heartbreak over her divorce and custody battle, that can be traced back to 2004 when Britney decided she no longer wished to conform, be controlled or take instruction." [The Sun]
• Lindsay Lohan is in London, and her hotel is right down the street from Samantha Ronson's hotel. What a coincidence! Anyway, LL's Twitter said: "Missing a certain someone after a massage and chicken noodle soup... U (she) knows. Cuddle time soon I hope - fly safe." [Daily Mail]
• This was in Midweek Madness three weeks ago, but here it is again: Rihanna has "less than flattering" nude pix of Chris Brown. And plans to leak them. [World Of Wonder]
• Whoops! Melissa Joan Hart was overheard last week saying she hoped Farrah Fawcett wouldn't die — cuz then MJH would get bumped off the cover of People. [Page Six]
• A woman is claiming she was attacked and left "crippled" by Sacha Baron Cohen (as Bruno) at a Bingo hall in 2007. [TMZ]
• This paper is restrained and not at all sensationalist when it prints the words: "CANCER-stricken MICHAEL JACKSON is shunning food and now weighs less than nine stone (126 lbs.)" [The Sun]
• Leonardo DiCaprio got carded at some bar in NYC. Guess they didn't hear he's king of the world? [Page Six]
• Taylor Lautner, who gets all werewolfy in Twilight sequel New Moon, says the flick is heartbreaking: "There is heart break and, oh it's horrible. New Moon will rip your heart to shreds. So get ready!" [Mirror]
• Is Audrina Patridge dating Star Trek's Chris Pine? And does that mean their relationship will be on her new reality show? "There's always romance, she says. "We haven't started filming it yet, but it will be mostly my life. I'm really opening up in everything that I have going on in my life right now-everything." [E!]
• LOL: NBC wants to replace Heidi and Spencer on I'm A Celebrity with someone else from The Hills, but Audrina's manager said: "Not in a million years. Audrina is moving in a completely different direction than those two ... she's a star." Again: LOL! [TMZ]
• Slumdog Millionaire director Danny Boyle may return to work in Mumbai; he has purchased the rights to another book set in the poorest section of the city. [Times of London]
• Paul McCartney will play the first concerts at Citi Field, "inaugurating" the Shea Stadium replacement. He says: "As years go by, I think, 'This is when I thought I'd retire,' but I'm having too much fun. When you say to me 'Citi Field,' I go oooh inside. I'm hungry for that. If you like cheesecake, it doesn't matter how many you've had. You're still going to have the next one with relish." [USA Today, USA Today]
• Eminem had thousands of dollars worth of items stolen from his L.A. hotel room on Sunday night, including a $60K diamond necklace and his personal laptop. Hmm, it's not like he has any enemies… [Gatecrasher]
• If you'd like to relive some of Eminem's most controversial moments, by all means, check out this slide show. [CNN]
• Maya Rudolph, who plays a thirtysomething, six-months-pregnant woman in Away We Go — and is now expecting her second child — says the movie deals with the way people treat expectant women: "It's about people's feeling of wanting to be connected. It just doesn't come out the way it's supposed to: 'Oh, God, you're huge.' I think the last person who wants to hear they're huge is a pregnant lady." [USA Today]
• Susan Boyle could need weeks of psychiatric care. [Daily Mail]
• "Susan Boyle is to Britain's Got Talent what the kids of Slumdog Millionaire are to director Danny Boyle. In both cases, a machine bigger than any one person got these unknowns into the mess that comes with worldwide fame. Wouldn't it seem wrong for Cowell (or Danny Boyle) to stand by as the dreams of the performers they discovered were beaten to a pulp and left on the side of the road to die?" [MSNBC Scoop]
• R. Kelly has a new track called "Tip The Waiter, which you can hear at the link. It's not about leaving cash for the server — it's about sex. Obviously. [NY Mag]
• Jude Law is playing Hamlet on the stage in London, and one of his costars — the skull he holds when he gives the "Alas, poor Yorick" speech — comes from Salt Lake City, Utah and dates back to 1800. [Telegraph]
• American Beauty's Wes Bentley is divorcing Jennifer Quanz, his wife of seven years. [TMZ]
  
• Sanaa Lathan, James Earl Jones and Phylicia Rashad will star in an all-black production of Cat On A Hot Tin Roof, to be staged on London's West End. [Variety]
• Jack Nicholson is in talks to join the cast of an untitled romcom with Paul Rudd, Reese Witherspoon and Owen Wilson; Bill Murray had also been considered for the part. [Variety]
• DMX: Almost always in jail! Eight days after he was released, he pled guilty to another crime, so he may be headed back. [TMZ]
• "Trista Sutter Blogs About The Bachelorette: Foot Fetishes, Unicorns & the Closet?" [E!]
• Recently married former Bachelorette Jen Schefft to single ladies: "For all those people who are discouraged, you can meet the right person. Just don't settle." [People]
• Kelly Ripa and Mark Consuelos are producing a TLC series, Masters Of Reception, which focuses on a New Jersey family-owned catering business trying to top themselves each week. [Variety]
• Kelly Ripa's dad is being sworn in as Camden County clerk in New Jersey today. [AP]
• Phil Spector's wife, Rachelle, insists that he in innocent, and plans to stay with him even though he's in jail for shooting another woman. [UPI]
• "Peter Falk's dementia means he no longer remembers Columbo." [Daily Mail]
• Blind item! "Which macho A-list actor was annoyed to find pressat a recent gala because he hadn't "put on [his] makeup yet'?" [Gatecrasher]
• "In a strange way, I don't have a job, so I have a lot of time on my hands. When I do work, it might be very concentrated, and it might be months where you're not really doing anything except maybe playing the banjo or writing something. You know, there's a lot of time in the day if you're not working 9 to 5. […] I use the Internet a lot to find music. I always download it legally — especially my own songs." — Steve Martin. [CNN]
• My most memorable scene? I have to say I'm still proudest of the stuff I did on "Fight Club," mainly the opening title sequence. It's a 95-second pullback through the brain. It starts inside a synapse inside the amygdala, the fear center of the brain. It goes through various structures, a forest of neurons and dendrites, passing through various outer layers, the surface of the brain, layers of skull, then skin and a hair follicle and out to the barrel of a gun, essentially following Ed Norton's character's thoughts." — Visual Effects Supervisor Kevin Mack. [LA Times]
• "Emma and I are creatively married. It's an extraordinary feeling when we work together. I don't think we – or, I'll speak for myself, I – have ever done anything closer to myself than the work I do with her. Marriage should be this easy! Right?" — Dustin Hoffman on Emma Thompson. [Telegraph]
• "This is a huge honour. I am both thrilled and slightly mystified, but very grateful." — Michael Sheen, who played Tony Blair in The Queen and just was made an officer of the Order of the British Empire (OBE). [Daily Express]
• "When Obama's story is ready to be told I'll be too old to do it. And if it were made now, he has too much to do to have me asking for tips on how to play him." — Denzel Washington seems a little sad, no? [Daily Express]
• "I'm trying not to think of it as big or meaningful in any way. I find the whole celebration of approaching death a peculiar thing… I remember, I made a pact with some friends when we were 18 that we'd kill ourselves before we got to 40. It just seemed such a ludicrously distant prospect. I think I'd say that you'll never think you know more or feel more acutely or have any clearer an insight into existence than you do right now. From now on it's a gradually descending mist of confusion and doubt. I've never known less than I know now. You hope that your teenage self would like and forgive your 50-year-old self. It would be awful to think that they'd be ashamed and appalled – that you were a betrayal of everything they thought they'd become." — Hugh Laurie, who is on the verge of turning 50. [Telegraph]
• "Feminists don't have a sense of humor/They have a tumor on their funnybone." — from a song by Nellie McKay. [Page Six]
• "I don't think about that. That's beyond what I can control, and who the hell knows? I'm getting ready for another movie now." — Christian Bale doesn't want to talk about Terminator sequels. [Mirror]
• "The vampire is the ultimate bad boy. The vampire is the ultimate anti-everything. I haven't read Stephenie Meyer's books; the last encounter I had with the romantic vampire was with Anne Rice, and it was essentially 'beautiful people of the night.' But the line between attraction and horror is very, very thin. When you see footage of a polar bear walking in the snow, your heart melts. And then seconds later when you see the same polar bear mauling a baby seal, you can be horrified. And I don't see why these aspects of life cannot be reconciled." — Director Guillermo Del Toro, who has written a vamp book called The Strain. [Time]
• "I don't think I look particularly fantastic. I know you're not supposed to drink caffeine and I know you're not supposed to drink wine but I do both. I could be much thinner if I really worked at it. But there was a time when I was exercising a lot and then I realised that the person I was spending the most time with was my trainer. I thought: 'I don't have time to see my friends!"" — Julianne Moore. [Daily Express via Vogue]

• Kimora Lee Simmons and Djimon Hounsou had a baby boy last night- Kimora announced the news via her Twitter page: "It's a boy! Thanks to everyone out there for all your well wishes!" Congrats! [People]

• Brad Pitt took a playful shot at Mel Gibson last night when Gibson inducted Pitt into SpikeTV's "Guy Hall of Fame." Pitt thanked Gibson by yelling, "Thanks, sugar tits!" [USWeekly]
• Blind Item: "Which celebrity hairstylist really snipped her career by double-billing her biggest client, a TV chef? When the stylist's other clients found out she'd been fired, they also let her go." [PageSix]
• Lady GaGa has split with her boyfriend. "Even though I have my days when I want to have sex with very good-looking men, I'm devoted to my work," she says. [ShowbizSpy]
• David Duchovny and Tea Leoni are planning to renew their wedding vows: "After 12 years of marriage and so many ups and downs, they really want to recommit to each other," says a source, "They're looking forward to a fresh start." [FemaleFirst]
• Victoria Beckham and her family are undergoing lessons in an earthquake simulator after Victoria was shaken up by LA's tremors: "Victoria and the boys had a lesson in a simulator when she moved to LA," says a source, "but she didn't realise the tremors would be so regular." [DailyMail]
• Robert Allen, a songwriter who is working on Chris Brown's upcoming record, says that Brown is "trying different things and experimenting. We've been making things really eclectic. The direction of this album is really fun and free spirited. It's like a collage." Yeah, good luck with that. [People]
• Simon Cowell sees a bright future for Susan Boyle, even though Boyle lost Britain's Got Talent last night. Susan, he says, has "come out of this very well. We've never had a runner-up like Susan Boyle before. She's won over a lot of fans tonight through her graciousness. She's a really sweet person. She has a massive future ahead of her." [USWeekly]
• Is Britney Spears in financial trouble? A source says she's spending more than she earns: "The figures make it clear that the Circus tour is very much a monetary lifeline for her. Without it, she wouldn't exactly be going bankrupt but her lifestyle would need radical readjustment and she'd have to learn how to save cash." [DailyExpress]
• Ooh, MTV Movie Awards drama-rama: according to Page Six, "Whitney Port had to be moved away from "Twilight" star Kristen Stewart after producers realized Port once called the movie 'really bad'and found Stewart's role 'one-dimensional.'" [PageSix]
• Even worse: the Nickelodeon kid startlets like Miranda Cosgrove had to be placed away from Disney starts like Miley Cyrus because Nickelodeon felt that "all the Disney kids are tainted." [PageSix]
• "I owe all of my success to the collaborators that I was lucky enough to be involved with. In all of the films that I was involved with I had directors who were smarter than me, writers who were smarter, actors who were smarter. And they made me look good, and my abilities and skills supported them. I think my career has been one that has benefited from association with the best in the industry."-Dan Aykroyd [NYTimes]
• Katie Price has agreed to a "quickie" divorce from her estranged husband, Peter Andre :" She now accepts she's never getting Peter back, and is ready to move on with her life, says a source, "It hasn't been easy, but she knows it's necessary to enable her to eventually get on with things." [DailyMail]
• "I have this sort of promiscuous image. People assume I'm really overtly sexually aggressive and that I'm this wild child. And I'm not like that at all. I would rather have an image that is wild and promiscuous than to go out of my way to be proper all the time. There are some guys who think I'm going to be this little cupcake who's going to bat my eyes and be like a receptacle for them. I shut them down immediately."- Megan Fox [ShowbizSpy]
• I'm sorry, you guys, but if there was any doubt that Clarissa Darling is the champion, it's gone now: Melissa Joan Hart has just opened a candy store! The store "features 200 different kinds of candy including Big League Chew, Jelly Bellies, Candy Lipstick, Nerds, Junior Mints and Bubble Tape gum. It also sells a selection of frozen yogurt, which Hart served up from behind the counter at the opening, in flavors such as pistachio, peach and bubble gum." TEAM CLARISSA FOREVER! [People]

Upon hearing about Mayim's appearance on "What Not To Wear," I immediately thought of Blossom's wardrobe, which, I'm sorry, was heinous even for 1991, when both Blossom and Clarissa Explains It All started airing. I know this only because I was in 5th grade when these shows debuted, and I owned an equally heinous wardrobe. My sisters mocked me mercilessly. When I look at the pictures now, I understand why.

I have always taken the position that Blossom Russo was, for the most part, the poor man's Clarissa Darling. Perhaps my annoyance with Blossom comes from the fact that I, at 10, thought she had totally ripped Clarissa's style and tried to pass it off as her own. Now that I am 28, I am pretty sure that's not what happened. (In fact, now that I'm 28, I'm pretty sure both of these ladies owe a great deal of their style to one Penelope "Punky" Brewster, but that's another debate entirely.)

Anyway, in the interest of fairness, I decided to revisit the ol' Blossom vs. Clarissa debate (some of you may have seen me Twittering about this yesterday morning, before I decided it probably deserved a proper post of its own), in the hopes of settling, once and for all, just which of these ladies really deserves the title of 1991 Quirky Teen Style Queen. Blossom and Clarissa faced off in several categories: Entourage, Theme Song, and Overall Style. So who takes the crown? Let's break it down:


Entourage: Clarissa Darling

• Pros: Pet alligator named Elvis, hippie parents, and a best friend named Sam who only came to visit her through the window, via ladder, complete with his own "waah-waah" sound effect.
• Cons: Her brother, Ferguson, aka Ferg Breath, aka Fergwad, the worst little brother in the history of television. Clarissa was always dreaming of ways to kill him. So was the audience.
• 
  
  
  Entourage: Blossom Russo
• Pros: Cool but troubled alcoholic brother Anthony, cool but troubled piano playing dad, Nick, cool but troubled boyfriend, Vinny, and slightly insane but cool for the time best friend Six.
• Cons: Her brother, Joey "WHOA!" Lawrence, who can only be considered an asset for the unintentionally hilarious music videos he forced us to sit through at the end of several episodes, Six's tendency to veer in to hyper-Gilmore Girls dialogue territory, Blossom's various "very special" run-ins with an assortment of jerks, losers, and fairly awful individuals who always seem to get in her way.
• 
  
  
  Advantage: Blossom Whoa-y Lawrence might be annoying, but nobody is as annoying as Ferguson Darling. NOBODY. And Blossom's relationship with her father and brothers was a bit deeper and ultimately more interesting than Clarissa's interactions with the Darlings. Blossom and Clarissa both touched on "very special issues," but it's hard to watch the infamous period episode of Blossom and not sympathize with her or her father. Clarissa's parents were likable, and the running theme of her mom making wacky healthy treats was fun, but ultimately they were background pieces, designed to highlight how quirky Clarissa was by comparison. Blossom pulled the heartstrings more often than Clarissa, so she takes this round.
  
  
  Theme Song: Clarissa Darling
  
  
  
  Theme Song: Blossom Russo
  
  
  
  Advantage: Clarissa This was an extremely tough call. Though Blossom's theme song is insanely catchy and includes the word "opinionation," it's tarnished a bit by the stupid "look how quirky I am!" dancing intro. Clarissa's theme is equally catchy, and delightfully simple, as are the backgrounds and font used to present her fellow cast members. We get to meet both of their families in a wacky way, but the Darlings look amused in their intro, whereas the Russos look a bit embarrassed, and rightfully so. I'm going with Clarissa on this one.
  
  
  Overall Style: Blossom Russo
• Pros: Unique sense of style, unafraid to mix patterns, textures, colors; clearly has fun with her clothing; able to wear several completely different looks with ease and confidence.
• Cons: A tendency to wear unflattering pleats and frumpy layers; a horrific collection of denim fisherman's hats with giant plastic flowers attached; an annoying insistence to remind us all that her name is Blossom by consistently wearing floral patterns.
• 
  
  
  Overall Style: Clarissa Darling
• Pros: Totally fearless, unafraid to mix patterns, textures, colors; creative use of accessories; able to transform simple boring pieces like a denim shirt by adding wacky layers; could have easily graduated from the Stacey McGill/Claudia Kishi School of Fierce.
• Cons: A heavy reliance on leggings, to the point of Lohan-esque obsession; wore "Mom Jeans" on more than one occasion; owned too many midriff-baring tops; a tendency to layer loud 80's pieces to the point of Agyness Deyn circa 2007 insanity, relied on headbands the way Blossom relied on dumb flower hats.

Melissa Joan Hart Reveals Her Bikini Body [People]
Blossom's Mayim Bialik: "I Needed A Makeover!" [People]

• Chris Brown has publicly addressed the Rihanna assault for the first time in a short YouTube video. He says he's working on a new album, Grafitti, and he'll release a new single this summer. He says: "Everybody that's haters, they've just been haters..."

• "All my real fans, I love y'all. I ain't a monster." [TMZ]
• Kanye West has released the music video for his song "Paranoid," which stars Rihanna. [Perez Hilton]
• Slumdog Millionaire director Danny Boyle and producer Christian Colson flew to Mumbai after seeing pictures of Azharuddin Ismail and Rubina Ali picking through the debris of their demolished homes. Boyle said a home had been bought for Ismail, and that they would soon buy one for Ali. Boyle said, "We've been trying for a long time to move them into legal accommodation." Ali's father, Rafiq Quereshi, countered, "It has been five to six months. Everything is available in Mumbai if you have the money. If you really want to get us a house, you can get us a house in two days." [Reuters, E!]
• Kate Gosselin's estranged brother Kevin Kreider, who has given interviews to numerous media outlets in the past few weeks, has reportedly been offering to talk about what it's like behind the scenes at Jon and Kate Plus 8 for $30,000. It's not clear which news outlets paid him, but he insists he and his wife Jodi Kreider are, "speaking out now because we want to be the voice of our nieces and nephews... We're seeing it turn tide, that they're being viewed as a commodity." [E!]
• Susan Boyle supposedly watched fellow Britain's Got Talent finalist Shaheen Jafargholi perform on a TV at a London hotel bar, and when one of the judges complimented the 12-year-old, Boyle yelled "fuck off" and waved two fingers (a dirty gesture in the UK) at the screen. A rep for the show said, "As far as we are aware Susan was not at the bar during Shaheen's performance. She started watching the show there but left early and watched some of the acts in her room as she was being asked for interviews in the bar by journalists." [Newser]
• A representative for Susan Boyle said, "Susan was in the bar with friends but was getting hassled by a journalist. The four of them left before Shaheen's live performance to watch it in the room instead." [The Daily Mail]
• American Idol scandal: AT&T provided free phones so fans could text message their votes at two Arkansas parties supporting winner Kris Allen in Arkansas. They even showed people how to "power text," which lets you send 10 votes at a time and is forbidden in the show's rules. AT&T says they were invited to parties organized by locals, but no free texting services were offered to Adam Lambert supporters. [Perez Hilton]
• Terri Seymour has requested a restraining order from Janice Thibodeaux, the woman who attacked her outside the American Idol finale last week. She says, Thibodeaux, "attacked [her] from behind, putting her into a headlock, wrenching her neck and choking her with the full force of her 200 pound frame," and could have killed her if the cops hadn't intervened. [TMZ]
• Suri Cruise will only eat with chop sticks. "Suri doesn't like to eat with anything else," says a source. During a recent visit to Le Pain Quotidien, "She wouldn't touch her sandwich and pastries without them!" [Star]
• Justin Gaston says he doesn't live with girlfriend Miley Cyrus, but in an apartment in North Hollywood with two roommates. But he may wish he lived with the Cyrus clan. When asked to describe his dream life Gaston says, "[I'd be] one of those little lapdogs that gets petted all day... You know, they wake up, get fed, get attention. I like attention. I'd like to be one of those little dogs. Is that weird?" [People]
• Michael Lohan was arrested last month because his former fiancee Erin Muller says he threatened to killer her when she tried to end their relationship in March. Lohan appeared at court on Long Island yesterday, but fled when he saw members of the media. He's due in court today because he has been charged with falling behind in child support payments. [The Daily Express]
• Mel Gibson's pregnant girlfriend, Oksana Grigorieva, already has an 11-year-old son from her relationship with Timothy Dalton. "It [seems] very important to Oksana that Mel and her son bond," says a source. "Mel is fun to be around and great with kids." [People]
• A fan made it past security backstage at Beyonce's concert in London and tried to speak to Beyonce. A source says, "He cried out her name with his arms outstretched before security bundled him back out again. He said he wanted to see Jay-Z to give him a demo tape." [The London Paper]
• Melissa Joan Hart is on the new cover of People in a bikini because she lost 42 pounds after having a baby. Plus, dieting to be on the cover of the mag is pretty much the only career move former teen stars have left. She says, "Everyone still thinks I'm huge, but I'm not anymore!" [People]
• Jennie Garth has revealed that she has a leaky valve in her heart, which was discovered seven years ago. "A lot of people have it," she explains. "They don't know they have it ... [It] leaks blood." She says that sometimes she can feel it too. "It sort of flutters open and shut sort of a thing ... It's weird because sometimes when I'm resting I can feel a little weird fluttering." It may get more complicated in the future, but for now it is not dangerous. [People]
• Andy Garcia's brother-in-law has been sentenced to 15 years in prison. Ramon Puentes Jr. was convicted in the Fuel Farm Case, a large scheme to siphon jet fuel from the Miami Airport's fuel depot. Garcia and Puentes' wives are sisters. [UPI]
• Justin Long says Alison Lohman, his Drag Me To Hell co-star got "banged up really bad," while filming the movie. He said: "I have never seen an actress work so hard and she would always have a different bruise, it was like the bruise of the day, 'What's on the menu today?' and she would be like 'check this out, it looks like Uzbekistan and I don't know how I got it.'" [The Star]
• The State's lost comedy album has surfaced online. "We would love to do more," said David Wain, who was a member of the comedy group. "The State is an 11-headed beast though. Getting anything to happen requires divine miracles - just in terms of scheduling and logistics." [Rolling Stone]
• Lauren Conrad says she's looking forward to living "a little more unplanned," when she leaves The Hills. She says, "It's hard to look at somebody who used to be your best friend and say, 'We can't be friends. Too much has happened... I'm trying to move on, but they won't let me. And when someone keeps pushing you into the same position, well…you get upset." [ONTD]
• Amy Winehouse won't return to London unless she can find a St. Lucian chef to move to the UK and cook for her. A friend said Amy told her, "there's no way she'll come back unless she can find a chef she likes and who is prepared to move country. She really doesn't look after herself when she is back in London, and is always skipping meals." [This Is London]
• Mackenzie Phillips, who entered rehab for the 10th time in September 2008, will appear on the third season of Celebrity Rehab With Dr. Drew as a "sober coach." As you may recall, last season's sober coach was Gary Busey. [TMZ]
• Morrissey has called off yet another London concert. His rep said: "Morrissey is on continued doctor's orders not to sing, to ensure a complete recuperation." [The Mirror]
• Katie Price already had estranged husband Peter Andre's things put into storage, and today a locksmith's van was spotted outside their home. [The Sun]
• Bethenny Frankel of The Real Housewives of New York is blogging each week about The Real Housewives of New Jersey. She says Teresa, "is clearly living vicariously through her daughter." Jacqueline's daughter is spoiled and "her mother is a sweet doormat who doesn't seem to want to take a position on anything." As for Dina, she says she's, "willing to bet she's had some minor work done on that pretty face of hers." Is Bethenny not aware that she'll definitely have to meet these women, or that they could be at her front door in about an hour? [E!]
• "Cameron Diaz cuts a lonely figure as she takes a solitary swim in Hawaii." Poor Cam is so lonely since she broke up with Paul Sculfor. Jennifer Aniston is probably free to hang out with her, as she's just been sitting around thinking about how much she misses Brad Pitt for the past few years. [The Daily Mail]
• Phylicia Rashad plays matriarch Violet WestonWell in the play August: Osage County. When asked why she plays so many matriarchs, she said: "Consider what you're asking. How many women in the world are matriarchs? Many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many. It's not a role foreign to women, is it? So there. [Laughs.] So there." [N.Y. Magazine]
• Joy Behar says she likes Fred Armisen's Saturday Night Live impression of her. "I think he's right on. I think he's got me down. He gets the fidgeting. I'm a constant fidgeter. It's probably why I don't weigh 200 pounds, because I keep working it off by moving constantly and fidgeting and fixing my hair. And this phrase, 'So what? Who cares?' — I realize that I say that a lot and that it's basically a philosophy of life." [The Star Tribune]
• Marilyn Manson has a new album, The High End of Low. He says: "Track two is called "Pretty as a Swastika." It's something I said to a girl because of her complexion - with black hair, red lips and pale skin. I mean, it was a complex and poetic comment that soon led to intercourse, so I felt no reason for it to be seen as confusing, hateful and destructive. The record label [told me], Take it off the album. Rather than do so, I decided to produce it on the inside of the sleeve with a different name, so it'll be sold in Wal-Mart or wherever stores sell guns but are afraid to deal with lyrics. So I put "Pretty as a ($)" because all of their motivations are based on money." [Time]

[Los Angeles, CA, December 24. Image via Getty.]

• Miley Cyrus's YouTube account was hacked yesterday and a video was posted, claiming that the star is dead. The description reads: "Miley died this morning after being hit by a drunk driver. She always told us if anything ever happened to her then tell her loyal fans first before the public. R.I.P Miley, we'll never forget you!" It's all a lie and has since been pulled down. [Perez Hilton]
• Prince goes door-to-door in LA to preach the word of the Jehovah's Witnesses. Ahem. [Page Six]
• Jessica Alba is delighted by motherhood: "Everything is cute, everything is fun," say says, "including the explosive diarrhea — the best ever." Ew, sounds… shitty. [UPI]
• Sienna Miller and Balthazar Getty have split; she's back in London, alone and he may want to get back with his wife, Rosetta. Who will Sienna date next? [Daily Mail]
• Wanda Sykes was at a gay rights rally in Las Vegas on Saturday; she told the crowd: "You know, I don't really talk about my sexual orientation. I didn't feel like I had to. I was just living my life, not necessarily in the closet, but I was living my life. Everybody that knows me personally they know I'm gay. But that's the way people should be able to live their lives." But, Sykes said, Prop 8 made her feel like she was being attacked. "Now, I gotta get in their face," she said. "I'm proud to be a woman. I'm proud to be a black woman, and I'm proud to be gay." [Breitbart]

• A Sarah Palin book deal? The governor could get $7 million! [MSNBC]
• Angelina Jolie is "embarrassed" that her father was among the few celebs who supported John McCain. She's supposedly especially dismayed that he called Sarah Palin as running mate "a beautiful choice." Sigh. [Daily Express]
• Sheikh Abdulla Bin Hamad Bin Isa Al-Khalifa, son of the King of Bahrain, is suing Michael Jackson for breach of contract. Will MJ appear in court? Or will the dispute be settled? The sheik wants $7 million… [Daily Express]
• American Idol is filming in L.A. this week and contestants, families and staff have been strictly forbidden to mention the suicide that occurred in front of Paula's home. [TMZ]
• Breaking Hills news from Audrina Patridge: "There is going to be a fifth season. We just found out." She doesn't seem excited. "At one point, all of us were like, 'No, we don't want to do another season,'" she says. "I wanted to do more movies, and Whitney moved to New York and she’s doing her own spin-off. And Lauren’s dating [My Boys actor] Kyle [Howard] but he can’t be on the show because he’s on another show, so that makes it hard." [People]
• Ashlee Simpson thought she was going into labor on Saturday, but it was a false alarm. When will the wee Wentz arrive? [Perez Hilton]
• Kate Hudson: Spotted getting "very friendly" with a female model in Miami. [Perez Hilton]
• Kanye West says he never assaulted a photographer. "I put my hand up to prevent him from taking my image. I didn't assault him… The next morning, plastered across every media outlet... Kanye Gets Arrested. It didn't matter that I wasn't charged or that I hadn't assaulted anyone. All that mattered was that I was arrested." [People]
• The Brit tabs are not happy Kanye has namedropped Princess Diana. [The Sun]
• Hugh Jackman on getting intimate with Nicole Kidman in Australia: "The camera is like a dancer. If you watch any of [Baz Lurhmann's] movies, visually, the love scenes are like poetry." [People]
• Katie Holmes was asked who she considers a role model and answered: "Jada [Pinkett Smith] is so strong. She is a rare woman – a phenomenal friend, mother, wife. She inspires me." [People]
• No one laughed when Tom Cruise appeared in Nazi gear in a trailer for Valkyrie when this NY Times reporter was in a theater on Friday night. [NY Times]
• Kate Moss and Jamie Hince had a fight; she found a vial of his ex-girlfriend's blood he'd stashed as a memento. The ex is Raveonettes singer Sharin Foo; apparently Hince also kept a bunch of love letters from her as well. A spy says "He could just never bring himself to throw them away." Okay, but… blood? Are pressed flowers and photographs not enough? [The Sun]
• Suge Knight's been charged with two counts of possession of a controlled substance (meth and hydrocodone) and one count misdemeanor battery. These stem from an August incident in Las Vegas, in which he allegedly punched his girlfriend of three years, Melissa Isaac, in the back of the head while they were driving. [TMZ]
• Sigourney Weaver is in Morocco at the eighth Marrakech International Film Festival, where she was being honored. She says: "Things are not at all as simple as we in America perceive them about the role of women. We tend to lump the entire Arab world together, which is inaccurate. They love all the strength in women here; it's very much a part of the culture. It's going to take me a while to decipher all the contradictions from actually being here." [USA Today]
• Kelly Osbourne and Luke Worrall are engaged, if you believe Luke's Facebook profile. [NY Mag]
• Gwyneth Paltrow and Madonna's "soulmate," Alex Rodriguez, were at the same "showbiz" party in Miami and now the Brit tabs are saying he was "spellbound" by Gwynnie. [Mirror]
• Speaking of Madonna: She's got a video on her website asking people to donate to her school for girls in Malawi. [Mirror]
• Ridiculously romantic Seal and Heidi Klum are getting married again in Mexico, in the spring. This will be the fourth time. "It's where we got married in May 2005, and it's become a bit of a custom to get married there again every year," he explains. "We love it. It's great saying your vows again. You remember who it was you fell in love with. It's also a good excuse to have a big party, and we have a different theme every year." [Daily Mail]
• Amy Winehouse was on a "wild rampage" on Friday. [Mirror]
• Jean-Claude Van Damme spends most of this Newsweek interview hitting on the reporter, telling her: "I would love to be naked in front of you." He also invites her to the premier of his film and says, "We can have some champagne, you and me." [Newsweek]
• Charlize Theron has been named a United Nations messenger of peace, with a special focus on ending violence against women. [Reuters]
• Uh-oh: Justin Timberlake's New York City restaurant, Southern Hospitality, is being sued by a busboy (on behalf of 50 other employees), claiming the joint has cheated staff out of tips, proper pay and overtime. [Reuters]
• Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillippe share custody of the kids during the holidays. "I think the most important thing is to be a grownup," she says, "and not let any kind of feelings affect how you deal with your children." [People]
• Some of the original stars of ER are coming back for the final season, but not Julianna Margulies: She was invited but declined, saying, "I feel like I left [my character] Carol Hathaway in the best scenario possible." [AP]
• Isabel Lucas and Shia LaBeouf: It's on. She's the one who was in his car when it got totalled by another vehicle that ran a red light. And yeah, she's in the Transformers sequel. [News.com.au]
• My Big Fat Greek Wedding star Nia Vardalos and husband Ian Gomez have a baby. She was quietly adopted several months ago and is a toddler under five years old. Her rep says: "They are going public now to bring attention to National Adoption Month and the 500,000 children in foster care." [Yahoo News, People]
• Lily Allen's little brother Alfie and his fiancée, Jaime Winstone, had a "public row" after a boozy night. She screamed at him in the street! [Mirror]
• Rapper Nelly has a marketing deal with Ford, but he's not in ads or commercials: He just drives the Flex SUV and puts it in his video. It's promotion, not advertising. See? [Reuters]
• Rob Lowe says he and his kids fled the California wildfire near his home just in time: Apparently the flames were shooting 200 feet, the wind was blowing at 70 miles an hour and "it was just like Armageddon." [AP]
• Snoop Dogg's family and staff were among the 26,000 residents forced to evacuate due to the California wildfires; Snoop wasn't home. [Yahoo News]
• Ann Curry has been climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro in Tanzania, Africa, for the Today show and says it's "like climbing a Stairmaster for six hours a day with 20 pounds on your back." Ann, 52, did not have much time to train because the trip was assigned at the last minute. "To be honest with you, I'm not sure I'm going to make it to the top," she says. "But all the pain and suffering is worth it because of the incredible vistas all around me." And: "I miss my family. And also warm showers. And I could really use a stiff drink." [AP]
• Are the Fugees getting back together? Wyclef Jean says maybe! Has he told Lauryn Hill? (He says, "It's not gonna happen without Lauryn.") [ITN]
• Bruno Tonioli says Simon Cowell wants to buy Strictly Come Dancing, the Saturday night rival show of his show, X Factor. Simon's spokesperson says it's a joke, but won't Simon own all TV shows someday? [Telegraph]
• In this interview with Helen Mirren, she talks about her tattoo, prostitutes of a certain age, and what makes her cry. Also, she rides a motorcycle in a new children's movie called Inkheart, and says: "I didn’t have to learn [to ride it] because I already had a motorbike when I was in my early twenties. So I thought, I don’t care what else happens, I want to be on that motorbike again." [Times]
• Oh, and here's Helen Mirren talking about what she was like as a schoolgirl. [Daily Mail]
• A car owned by David Beckham when he was 19 years old is up for sale. It's a 1994 Volkswagen Golf. No one wants to buy it. [The Sun]
• The house where David Beckham grew up is also up for sale. It's a three bedroom priced at £1million — about four times what it's worth — because the owners are trying to cash in on the fact that David Beckham lived there. For two years. As a baby. [Daily Mail]
• A new character on Lost could be part of the Dharma Initiative. [EW]
• Celebs sometimes edit their own Wikipedia entries, but, more often, a publicist does it for them. Apparently the head of communications at Wikipedia gets a few complaints a week from star reps asking for changes. [Yahoo News]
• Bernie Mac's daughter says: "When I turn a corner, I'm still thinking, 'I'm going to see him.' I've had moments where I've woken up and I've sworn I could feel him smacking me on the back of the leg. I'll say, 'That hurts. I told you to stop. You're still so heavy-handed, even on the other side.' […] He was my dad, my first guy I ever fell in love with, my protector. He was the one I laughed with. It's going to be very hard to live without that." [People]
• Melissa Joan Hart's got two small sons and says "It's a constant workout. You don't have time to eat because you're chasing them all the time!" [People]
• Debbie Matenopolous of E! and formerly of The View is about to be single again: Her husband has filed for divorce. [UPI]
• Paul McCartney wants to release "Carnival Of Light," a 14-minute experimental track the Beatles recorded in 1967 but never released. The recording includes distorted guitar, organ sounds, gargling and shouts of "Barcelona!" and "Are you all right?" A hit, to be sure. [AP]
• Kevin Costner and his band Modern West released a CD last week. The sound is "rock-roots with elements of country." Costner says: "When I'm making a movie I'm playing whoever I'm playing. But my personality comes out on stage when I play live. That's when you see me the clearest." [AP]
• Former Guns N' Roses drummer Steven Adler was charged with heroin possession; he's hoping to head to rehab instead of jail and then maybe back with the band. [Reuters]
• Former Soul train host Don Cornelius: Charged with spousal battery, assault with a deadly weapon and dissuading a witness from making a police report. He could face up to one year in prison for each of the five misdemeanor charges. [AP]
• A writer visits Jamie Oliver's Ministry of Food in Rotherham to find out if the project — a walk-in center on the town's main square offering advice and free cooking lessons to anyone who cares to sign up — is working. [Guardian]
• Terri Irwin: Not looking for romance. [UPI]
• Did Terri Irwin "ignore" Bob Irwin, Steve Irwin's dad, at Steve Irwin Day celebrations at Australia Zoo? Bob wasn't mentioned at all and was not seated with Terri or his grandchildren. [News.com.au]
• Legal drama involving the estate of Don Ho. [UPI]
• Believe it or not, cheesy '80s series Greatest American Hero is becoming a feature film. Oh, and there will be an A-Team flick as well as a 21 Jump Street movie. All of your memories, rehashed. [LA Times]
• Speaking of remakes, a producer has offered Arnold Schwarzenegger a cameo in a remake of Conan The Barbarian. The dude says: "He was smiling, but he didn't say yes." [Daily Express]
• "I said, 'Great, I'll do it!' It's very exciting to do something where no artifice is required. The only artifice is going to be your pretending to be that person. You're not going to have any other physical props, nothing to make you more attractive. Because attractive isn't the issue here." — Kristin Scott Thomas, on finding out she wouldn't be wearing any makeup for her role in I've Loved You So Long. [Washington Post]
• "Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and have an idea and have to get up and record it straight away before I forget it. Or with 'Hero,' I was in the studio and someone was telling me about this film Hero with Dustin Hoffman in it. I took a walk to the bathroom and when I came back I had this idea for a song, and that was what then became 'Hero.'" — Mariah Carey. [Daily Express]
• "One time I met this guy in a restaurant on a date and he was really fun. Then we hung out at another bar and, as we were saying our goodnights, he says: 'So, are you coming home with me or not?' I was like: 'WHAT?' To me, that was probably the most bizarre ending to a date I've ever been on. Was I a prude? Oh well, that was the end of him. He lost me in one night." — Kate Hudson on her "date from hell." [Daily Mail]
• "He’s a man and he will always want more sex than he gets. Pete might not get it often… but when he does it’s worth it." — Katie "Jordan" Price. [The Sun]
• "I don't know what the motivation was. I remember it was something really vulgar - I mean shockingly so, like, 'Whoa, what, who are you?' I don't really know that person [Lohan]. I only met her, like, three times." — Scarlett Johansson, on the incident in which Lindsay Lohan scrawled "Scarlett is a bloody cunt" on a bathroom wall two year ago. [New York Post]
• "I studied homeopathy for years and years. Herbs and all kinds of acupuncture, acupressure, alternative medicine. I think it's just better to treat the whole person. And the wonderful thing I've seen over the last 20 years is how mainstream medicine has really opened its doors to alternative medicine." — Sissy Spacek. [NY Post
• "PAPARAZZI GIVE REAL PHOTOGRAPHERS A BAD NAME. A PICTURE IS WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS, THEIRS ARE WORTH A THOUSAND DOLLARS… LET US NOT FORGET THE PAPS KILLED PRINCESS DIANA. WHEN WILL THERE BE A LAW PASSED THAT SIMPLY ENFORCES THAT SOMEONE HAS TO ASK TO TAKE A PHOTOGRAPH OF YOU. THAT WOULD SEEM LIKE COMMON COURTESY. RIGHT NOW THE PAPS ARE ABOVE THE LAW AND THE PEOPLE THEY SHOOT ARE BELOW IT. WHAT SHOULD BE ILLEGAL IS PICTURES TAKEN WITH THE INTENT TO SELL….LIKE DRUGS WITH THE INTENT TO SELL… THE COPS WERE VERY CORDIAL BUT TOLD ME THEY HAD TO ARREST ME BECAUSE A COMPLAINT WAS FILED. THAT WAS THE BOGUS PART. THEY PLACED ME IN HANDCUFFS AND DROVE ME TO THE STATION. THEY SPOKE ABOUT HOW THIS WAS OBVIOUSLY A PUBLICITY STUNT BY THE PHOTOGRAPHER BUT THEY STILL HAD TO GO THOUGH THE MOTIONS." — Kanye West. [Perez Hilton]

Clarissa Explains It All was the first sitcom on Nickelodeon to feature a female lead. Over 65 episodes, Clarissa Darling took us through her slightly wacky life, dressed in outfits that would make Stacey McGill and Claudia Kishi freak out with envy. Sure, she was weird, but that was the whole point of the show. Clarissa looked like any girl in your middle school; she wasn't a model, never walked around with a fake tan or an airbrushed complexion, and her style was completely original and ridiculous. Clarissa's quirky wardrobe was a huge part of her character, and she wore it with the confidence of someone who is proud to be exactly who they are.

Clarissa's style represented the rest of her life; it was creative and hopeful and something that she was determined to make her own.

Clarissa's life was filled with characters that were both entertaining and painfully recognizable to tweens: her parents, who were a bit kooky but well-meaning, a terribly annoying ginger kid brother named Ferguson who made her live a living hell, and a platonic (ok, they dated for like, 2 episodes) male best friend named Sam, who, for some reason or another, always climbed into her room via ladder as a wahhh-wahh sound played in the background.

In an age where tween shows revolve around girls with hidden superstar lives or psychic powers or the desire to make it big as a singer/model/actress, it makes me a bit sad that there aren't any modern day Clarissa's around to have ordinary adventures. What Clarissa was able to explain, in the end, is that life is pretty insane. Your parents are weird. Your best friends might flake out on you sometimes, but if they're really good friends, they're worth holding on to. Your brother is an annoying jerk, but he'll grow out of it. Sometimes there aren't any answers, and sometimes, things can't be explained. Growing up is awkward and confusing, but if you look around, you might notice that there are people nearby who love you enough to help you through it.

Most importantly, Clarissa Darling never wanted to be anything but herself. There were no musical "I'm a rock star too!" segments in the show, no stupid Disney soundtrack tie-ins, no spin-off films called Clarissa Rocks The Mall or what have you. She was an ordinary girl who cared about the environment, animals, writing, her family, and the typical victories and defeats that go along with being a kid. She was just like the rest of us, and I miss her.

However, I take solace in knowing that at the close of the show, Clarissa ends up embarking on a career in journalism, which leads me to believe that in the real world, she would totally be explaining it all on her very own blog, which means, of course, that Clarissa Darling would, most likely, be a Jezebel commenter. All right! All right! Way cool!

• Spencer Pratt is getting an advice column in Radar. "Yo Spencer!" will debut in the April issue; the idea is so dumb it's genius. [USA Today]
  
• The Beckhams went shopping at the Pleasure Chest adult store in Hollywood and stocked up on supplies. "They seemed to know exactly what they wanted," a witness says. What do you think was on their list? Vibes? Lube? The purple penetrator? [The Sun]
  
• Watch Britney's new anime video! [People]
  
• "It pains me to report that on the first day of the shoot, Britney knew her lines better than I knew mine," How I Met Your Mother actor Josh Radnor says. "She's been great to work with." [People]
  
• The CW network is developing a contemporary spinoff of Beverly Hills, 90210. Maybe think of it as a mashup of The OC and Gossip Girl. [The Hollywood Reporter]

• Nicky Hilton says: "There's no truth to any starvation, eating disorders rumors. I think the press has been printing a lot of pictures of me from unflattering angles. My friends see the pictures and they're like, 'Oh my god are you OK?' And then they see me, and they're like 'Oh...' It's really not that interesting or true." [MSNBC]
• Amy Winehouse's father says the fact that he had an mistress when Amy was young is partly to blame for her troubled life — he had a "work wife" while he was still married to Amy's mom. Sigh. [The Sun]
• Is Rachael Ray's syndicated show going off the air? The ratings suck. She'd still have her Food Network shows, though. Unfortch. [Page Six]
• Anne Hathaway: Into absinthe. [Page Six]
• Top Chef host Padma Lakshmi and actor Skeet Ulrich? Hot. [Page Six]
• Three blind items! 1. "Which friendly actor recently fell off the wagon? Though he's been in rehab several times, he was spotted stumbling out of a Hollywood hotel at 7 a.m. looking totally 'wasted.'" 2. "Which young soap starlet made networks execs extremely nervous when she was starting out? She was known for fooling around with her much older producers." 3. "Which Hollywood hunk cheats on his gorgeous model girlfriend all the time? They've been together for a while but he's clearly not ready to settle down." [Page Six]
• Is Paul Newman OK? He's having back problems. Be well! [Rush & Molloy]
• Melissa Joan Hart popped! The actress and her hubs welcomed their second child, a son, on Wednesday. Welcome to the world, Braydon Hart Wilkerson. [People]
• The final Harry Potter book will become two movies; the first is due in November 2010 and the second in May of 2011. [ET]
• Paul McCartney is appearing in ads for PETA — the organization that dumped his estranged wife Heather Mills last year. [Mirror]
• Speaking of Sir Paul — the judge should be ruling on his divorce — and deciding how much cash Heather will get — on Monday. [Yahoo News]
• China's Culture Ministry says it will tighten controls over foreign artists after Björk shouted "Tibet! Tibet!" at a recent concert in Shanghai. China forbids artists from performing content that "harms national unity." [Reuters]
• Patrick Swayze's mom on her son's cancer: "He just doesn't deserve it. He's got such a big heart. He's been such a good and generous and thoughtful person. It breaks my heart to know he's suffering." [Perez Hilton]

• Ashton Kutcher punked the paparazzi, and all of us: That shaman Paris Hilton was hanging out with — who turned out to be an actor — was part of a stunt for Kutcher's new show, Pop Ficton. The prank show targets paparazzi and gullible media outlets. Now lots of crazy stories (like the one about hepatitis at the restaurant where he had his birthday party) seem like they may not be true. Who knows what's real anymore??? [USA Today]
  
• Justin Timberlake: Bringing a hit Peruvian comedy to US TV? Executive producing? Who knew? [Reuters]
  
• Here's a picture of Amy Winehouse buying her own biography after she spotted it from a car window late Wednesday night. Amy, Amy, Amy! [TMZ]
  
• Amy's party trick is snorting vodka. Ow. [Mirror]
  
• Did John Mayer write a message to Jessica Simpson on his blog that reads, "Dear Ex Lover, Perhaps you didn't understand the last time I told you to stop contacting me, so I'll do my best to spell it out for you. I do not wish to have you in my life anymore" ??? Cold! [The Sun]

• Jessica Simpson and the Pussycat Dolls leave for Kuwait today, where they will entertain the troops. A source says there's no special treatment and that Jess will be "roughing it" and sleeping on bunk beds during the trip. Maybe she can use her Vuitton luggage as a pillow? [Page Six]
• Lisa Marie Presley: Pregnant! The daddy is Presley's husband Michael Lockwood, whom she married in Japan in January 2006. The 40-year-old daughter of Elvis already has two children: Riley 18, and Benjamin, 15, with ex-husband Danny Keough. Congrats! [People]
• Rihanna issued a plea for help and now a woman with leukemia has found a bone marrow donor! It's so weird when stars use their power for good and not evil. [People]
• Rihanna has banned umbrellas from her concerts, by the by. [The Sun]
• Ashlee Simpson denies being drunk during a radio appearance, saying, "I giggle when people ask me uncomfortable questions not knowing what to say or what else to do." [People]
• Britney has received a number of disturbing letters and packages, which her "camp" have handed over to local law enforcement and the FBI. [E!]
• The court has ruled that Britney's dad can pay himself a salary to be the conservator of her affairs, so he's taking $2,500 a week from her account. Honestly? There is no doubt that: A) Managing that girl's life is a full-time job and B) Jamie's level-headedness is worth every penny. Good luck, Daddy Spears. [TMZ]
• Lou Pearlman, known for launching the Backstreet Boys and *NSYNC, pleaded guilty yesterday to fraud which used fake bank accounts and a dead man's signature in a $300 million swindle. "I'm accepting full responsibility," Pearlman told the judge. He'll be sentenced May 21 and could get the maximum of 25 years in prison. (If he cooperates and tries to recover the money, he'll get reduced time.) [Reuters]
• Annie Lennox: "No more marriage for me. I don't see the point of it. It's not that I'm such a cynic. To share one's life with someone is a beautiful thing. But for the moment, I'm a single person." [Telegraph]
• Lil' Romeo, son of Master P., got a full basketball scholarship to USC. "We may have more 11- to 17-year-old girls in the stands than we've had in the past," says the coach. [Wall Street Journal]
• NYPD Blue star Esai Morales has been cleared of accusations by his ex-girlfriend that he raped her two years ago; the woman continued to live with Morales for 15 months following the alleged assault. [Page Six]
• Colin Farrell to "gorgeous" model at a swanky bar: "Who is this guy?" The lady replied, "He's my boyfriend." Farrell then told the dude, "You've got the most beautiful girl in the place, and you can't blame a guy for trying." To which the boyfriend said: "You tried. Now get out of here." [Page Six]
• The ex-wife of Nicolas Sarkozy will marry her lover this month as "revenge" after Sarkozy wed Carla Bruni so quickly after getting divorced. [Page Six]
• Robert Downey Jr appears in blackface in his new movie, but only because his character has his skin dyed black. Hmmm. [Page Six]
• Kelly Rowan, aka The O.C.'s Kirsten Cohen, is in the final weeks of pregnancy but her billionaire boyfriend keeps her out of the spotlight because he is "horrified of any publicity." Uh, sounds healthy. Then again, money trumps mere fame any day. [Page Six]
• "I really romanticized being pregnant. Then I realized, This is awful! I was so nauseated in the beginning" —Marcia Cross of Desperate Housewives. [Page Six]
• "People ask, 'Why do you like getting around on a bike so much?' I don't do it to be green. I do it because it's so [bleep]ing fun" — Eric Bana [Page Six]
• Kate Hudson: Hangs with her son and friends by day; with Owen Wilson at night. Secret lovers, yeah, that's what they are. [Gatecrasher]
• Michelle Williams says that after her breakup with Heath Ledger, she "didn't know where to go. I couldn't imagine any place in the world that was gonna feel good to me." [Gatecrasher]
• Blind item! "Which mournful solo artist is obsessed with his own level of fame? After convincing himself on a recent flight to Australia that he would be mobbed in the streets, the scrawny singer was nonplussed that most Aussies didn't recognize him." [Gatecrasher]
• Blind item! Translated from Ted Casablanca: A female star who has had cosmetic surgery and has a "sexually mysterious partner in crime" type celeb boyfriend (who may get cosmetic surgery himself in 2009) is hooked on coke; often the two of them show up high in front of paparazzi. [E!]
• Pubic blind item! "Which female A-lister's Sapphic relationship with a top editrix came to a crashing halt when the wordsmith saw her 'wildly' unkempt nether regions?" [Rush & Molloy]
• Two former concierges of the Four Seasons Hotel in Chicago are spilling about celebrity guests in a new book: Read mini-tales about Nicole Kidman, Diana Ross, Madonna and Elton John by clicking the link. [Rush & Molloy]
• Melissa Joan Hart looks painfully pregnant, ouch. [TMZ]
• Brooke Burke has given birth to a boy, her fourth child and first son. [People]
• American Idol alum Nikki McKibbin is in the psych ward for having a breakdown; she told her friend she wanted to kill herself and when the cops arrived at her home she had a bunch of pills in her hand. Poor thing. [Perez Hilton]
• The Office's Jenna Fischer: "I haven't had my teeth whitened. I don't get Mystic Tan treatments or any of that stuff. [Pam should] always look like a believable girl, not all plastic-y like a movie star." [Rush & Molloy]

(Click on lead image in each gallery to begin the show.)

The Good:

The Bad:

The Ugly:

[All photos via Getty Images.]