Oh, Goopy. Ever seeking new dark sorcery with which to defy the wrinkle gods, Gwyneth Paltrow admits that she tried Botox once but did not like the results. Apparently it made her face look like a completely different woman's face! An old, ugly woman! Not like beautiful young Goopy at all! THE HORROR.

This probably won't last much longer than the flattened Zebra Cake in my purse, but Rihanna and Chris Brown have broken up once again, shortly after he was photographed holding the hand of a 22-year-old blonde waitress named Keisha Kimball at Da Club last Saturday.

Cathy's Kids, the charity Lamar Odom founded in honor on his mother to "help underprivileged kids and raise money for cancer research", has raised over 2.2 million dollars. Excellent news! The not so excellent news? Not a single penny of that money has gone to underprivileged kids or to fight cancer.

After months of false "Blogs who Cried Breakup" rumors surrounding Miley "Just Being Miley" Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth, they finally huffed, and puffed, and blew the house down. Or something. IDK, wolves. BUT ANYWAY, the two have broken up on the reals, according to Page Six's multiple sources.

The National Enquirer, bastion of all legitimate-and-definitely-not-made-up-by-peoples'-greed-and-imagination news, reports that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's slinky, uber-sexual union is being torn asunder by, of all things, Tivo. Brad's allegedly pissed at Angelina for secretly recording episodes of her ex Jonny Lee …

This morning serves us up some Gossip Girl meta-theater. Rumors on the set of GG are that Blake Lively is "glowing," which is Hollywoodese for "Lookit, there might be a baby in that person." A source from the show adds, "Blake is usually really careful about what she eats, but since her wedding, she seems to be eating a lot …

Kyle and Christopher Massey, brothers and former and current Disney stars respectively (Zooey 101, That's So Raven, and spinoff Cory In The House, filed a suit in federal court today against dilettante and professional asshat Bristol Palin, claiming that they created the reality TV show about Palin's life with son…

A man named Alpha Lorenzo Walker and his conspirator Tamara Eileen Diaz were arrested earlier this month for trying to extort Stevie Wonder and were the subject of myriad tired late-night show monologue jokes for fucking up what you'd imagine for obvious offensive-punchline-type reasons would literally be the easiest…

Clarissa Explains It All was the coolest. Remember how Melissa Joan Hart had a pet alligator, that cardboard dog and all of the best leggings? And how Sam would always climb into her window via ladder and Ferguson was such a dweeb? Well, did you know that there's a full length Clarissa Explains It All album that you …

X Men star James Marsden's wife of eleven years, Lisa Linde, has filed for divorce, citing 'irreconcilable differences'.