Today in [Honey Boo Boo dry-heaving gif], it turns out that delicious lamb gyro you're eating might actually be ground-up, dyed rat butts sculpted into lamblike meat-shapes! Eat up! If you're in eastern China, that is, and you're in the habit of purchasing very, very tiny pieces of "mutton" from meat-smuggling…
Maybe you want to hold off on having that Burger King delivered to your home (it's a thing now, lord help us), because your gut's lust for garbage meats might be breaking your health nut heart.
When news of a fancypants, cosmopolitan European study about the imminent health dangers of using your stomach as a processed meats repository, you most likely reacted the same way you do to all breaking-news health reports: you panicked, impetuously removing all of the meat-stuffs from your fridge and tossing them…
At long last Illinois is considering legislation to deal with its disquieting lion meat problem. Oh, you weren't aware that folks in Illinois were tearing into huge lion rib eyes at Fourth of July barbecues, washing down the gamey taste of proud African wildcat with onomatopoetic soft drinks and A1? Then you, my poor,…
Just to ensure that human beings have unknowingly consumed EVERY kind of animal who sings "Circle of Life" at the beginning of The Lion King, it looks like South Africans have inadvertently been munching on the horse's swaggier cousin, the zebra, as well as kangaroos and giraffes. Sigh. Just when we were getting över …
Oh, POOH POOH, y'all. Pooh pooh. So we all ate a little bit of horse meat. So what. I mean, of course I'm all for proper, transparent food-labelage, and I'm certainly not PRO-non-consensual-mass-horse-meat-consumption. (This is not an article about whatever fucked-up mechanisms of food production got the horse meat…
Yes, yes, yes, I know there are a billion kooky subcultures floating around out there on the internet, most of which are incredibly offensive to human beings with clear eyes and full hearts, and ripping them to shreds on a widely read blog is the very easiest of all pickins. And I knooooooooow we shouldn't give…
Thanksgiving, in addition to being America's most popular genocide-commemorating holiday, has the distinction of being the only day of the year when most of us have the the opportunity to utter the word "giblet" with impunity. Say it aloud. Giblet. It's a weird word, a weirder thing to put in your mouth and chew until…
The Chinese women's Olympic volleyball team allegedly didn't do so well in the recent FIVB World Grand Prix finals because they hadn't eaten meat for weeks. No, the women aren't PETA advocates; they're abstaining from meat because they're afraid to get any clenbuterol in their system.
Hey, ladies! Know what's hard? Besides math and dicks? Grilling. Luckily, the Pork Information Bureau (which is a really a thing that exists) has released a helpful guide for women who are looking at big pieces of raw meat and they're all like "Huh?" this outdoor cooking season. Fire up your yogurt stilettos, gals!…
Remember pink slime? That disgusting neon tube of "beef" that it turns out was in all of our Big Macs and cafeteria burgers and other ground beef? Well, thank goodness, it's fast becoming a thing of the past. After McDonald's and other fast food places banned it from their burgers and then the USDA decided schools…
If this giant pink meat snake does not look appetizing to you, you're not alone. The "meat product," which called pink slime and is made from scrap beef that's ground up and bleached with ammonium hydroxide, has long been a common ingredient in the ground beef used for school lunches. But thank goodness that is about…
Sorry, Woody Allen. It's the future, and red meat is still bad for you. According to a new study, even a little bit will make you die sooner. And bacon is especially fatal.
Further proof that America is the most wonderful country on Earth: Cats now have their own holiday. Well, they do if you believe Friskies, anyway. We may call today Leap Day, but they're saying it is actually "Plus Day," which is "a day of extras for your cat." Wait, isn't every day a day of extras—extra treats, extra…
In theory, being able to make artificial meat in a lab sounds great—it'd be better for the earth than raising animals and would make protein more plentiful for a hungry population. But then there's the actual reality of it, which at the moment is sitting in a petri dish in the Netherlands and is described as a…
Fans of Mickey D's rejoice, they've suspended their practice of using pink slime in your burgers. Oh, sorry, you didn't know that your "100% pure beef patty" was loaded with the pink gooey mess you see above? Yeah, well, it was. The pink slime is technically meat, because it begins life as a pile of beef scraps, or…
In the eternal struggle between pie and cake, many feel the former is cheating with the inclusion of the meat pie. Now a Chicago bakery has leveled the playing field by offering meat cupcakes. At Meatloaf Bakery, you can order eight varieties of the self-contained meal, including ground beef topped with mashed potato…
Good news, guys: men are allowed to cook now! As long as it's meat, and not sissy baked goods.
Weight Watchers isn't just for ladies anymore. New ads prove dieting can be manly, using beer, meat, and technology.
Clearly unsatisfied the offensiveness level of its previous campaigns, PETA has kicked things up a notch with a billboard stating "Feeding kids meat is child abuse."
