I say this as a person who is very familiar with Bushnell's work. I read Four Blondes. I read Trading Up. I read Lipstick Jungle. I watched Sex and the City and tuned in for both Lipstick Jungle and Cashmere Mafia because I wanted to see who had the better touch, Bushnell or Star.

So I say, with complete confidence, that no one knows how to run an idea into the ground like Candace Bushnell. And as I watched this new venture/product placement/Frito-Lay commercial I felt myself wanting to bash my head against the wall. This? Really? The Broadroom follows five professional women and is supposed to provide insight into their lives by using quick segments and cute conversations that take place in a work setting. There are four total webisodes in all, but is it worth watching?

I don't think so.

Nine Things I Hate About The Broadroom:

• Why is Natasha putting fear of wearing a name tag on par with global warming? Everything else I could understand...but name tags? Seriously?
• How are we going to follow rote stereotypes about women when creating these characters, only to have said characters bitch about being a type?
• The Millennial is an idiot. "I spent all morning making these super cute placecards on my computer." The placecards combine a large font with clip art.
• "In a weird way, I don't know what my actual job is, but I love it." Please tell me this character does not confess to feeling like "Alice in Imposterland" in the October 9th episode. Word of advice: if you don't know what your job is, don't be surprised when you feel like you're faking it.
• Dialogue fail. Product placement fail. The scene below is a case in point:

  

  "When did they start naming lipsticks after food?"
  "Probably when food got more interesting than sex."

  I sent this to Anna, who promptly informed me:

  Re: 'naming lipsticks after food': one of the most popular lipsticks in the 80s was a Revlon shade called "Cherries in the Snow". These people are two decades, if not more, too late.

  Answer fail. But thanks for playing.

  Speaking of that clip...

• ...can we retire the "Where are all the men?" monologue? There's one in every show and every book! Can we at least upgrade it a little? Attack a random man on the street and hit him with a barrage of questions? That would be interesting viewing. For example:
  

  SCENE: ROAN and NATASHA approach a random man on the street as he pauses to grab a newspaper. NATASHA grabs him and slams him against a brick wall while ROAN brandishes her Caramel Kisses lipstick as a weapon.

  ROAN: (yelling) Where the hell are all the men?

  MAN: What? Who? I swear, I don't what you're talking about!

  ROAN: (making wild gestures with the lipstick) Where is my future husband? Where are all of you hiding?

  NATASHA: (hiking the man up by his collar) And why is my husband sending me cat pictures, huh? What is THAT supposed to mean? Did he stop looking for a job? Is he telling me it's time for a divorce because all we can talk about is cats? (grabs man by the face) Answer me, dammit!

  ROAN: Do what she says or else we're lipsticking your collar and calling your wife!

  Okay...maybe that's a bit unrealistic. But it would still be a vast improvement over the current dialogue.

• I hate that fucking jingle! It's prompting some kind of Pavlovian rage response.
• Does anyone really try to butt in airport lines anymore without an immediate "bish plz" from all the rest of us? And who would start a tug of war with the TSA people? They already seem pissed off enough and I can make the call when I get to the lounge area.
• A personal mantra is "When you're having a bad day, lower your standards?" Turn it off, turn it off!

This is grim. If the Boardroom really is reflective of what's on women's minds, I'm starting to wonder if we are all in danger of a lobotomy.

The Broadroom [Maybelline]

Earlier: "Only In a Woman's World" Are There So Many Dieting Stereotypes

• Bono's wife Ali Hewson is suing Stella McCartney over the title of her unreleased perfume, "Nude." Hewson, who also has a sustainable fashion brand, oversees Nude Skincare, and feels that McCartney's brand is too close to her own. [Daily Mail]

• More than 100 garment workers protested two New York apparel companies in support of six workers who allege they are owed over $500,000 in back pay, and that they were wrongfully fired. Union organizer Jei Fong said, "Long Island City is a sweatshop zone; these conditions are rampant and have only gotten worse through the years. Today we really want to make a stand. People need to demand better conditions; it's the only way for the garment industry to improve." The six workers allege that they were paid minimum wage, but that their employers deducted 5% from their pay, and failed to pay any overtime despite the fact that they often worked 100 hour weeks. All the workers were fired shortly after complaining about the pay and conditions to the National Labor Relations Board. [Crain's]
• Harper's Bazaar decided to rush out a Michael Jackson-themed fashion shoot in time for the current issue — and the model they picked was Agyness Deyn? There is also a monkey. Who's bad, indeed. [ONTD]
• It took Nicole Richie less than half of the actual human gestational period to conceive of and birth her maternity wear line for A Pea In The Pod. [WWD]
• Pierre Cardin owns the Marquis de Sade's castle. [NYTimes]
• We doubt that anyone is copying P.C. from NYC Prep's style. A white t-shirt, scarf and a cardigan is something he has a copyright on? Give us a fucking break, Paper magazine. [Stylelist]
• Jason Wu has announced the location of his Spring 2010 show — the opulent St. Regis hotel. [WWD]
• Why is it that every time one or two designers cycle through to something different than previous prevailing tastes — long skirts after a few seasons of minis, or in this case, flats after a few seasons of skyscraper 7" heels — fashion writers have to act as though it's tabula rasa time and WE WILL NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN? The heel is not "dead" just because Christopher Kane now things "boyish" flats are nice. Most women will continue wearing heels sometimes, and flats other times, depending on their mood, where they are going, and the rest of their outfit. [ToL]
• Leonardo DiCaprio is apparently smitten with model Anne Vyalitsyna. Meanwhile, recent ex Bar Refaeli has been spotted with polo player Ricardo Mansur, who happens to be an ex of Gisele Bundchen, who also dated Leo. And the circle is complete. [Sun]
• Because of a write-in campaign, Men's Wearhouse is canceling its advertising on the Glenn Beck program. [MediaMatters]
• Bloomingdale's is launching a major ad campaign highlighting its links to classic films. [NYTimes]
• Last month, Kelly Bensimon told the W magazine editors' blog, of her jewelry line, "I love Navajo and I love the idea of taking Pocahontas out of the kayak and putting her into the disco. Everyone knows that she's had enough in her little canoe and now she's out and having fun in the disco." Yesterday, Kelly Bensimon told StyleList "exclusively," of her jewelry line, "The bad thing about Pocahontas is that she's, like, in the kayaks. So I took her out of the kayak and into the disco so she could have a little fun." Conclusions: Nobody reads anymore, and the Internet will eventually eat itself. And Kelly Bensimon still does not apparently realize that Pocahontas lived her entire life without ever meeting any Navajo people, because they lived thousands upon thousands of miles apart. [StyleList]
• Molly Sims now has a jewelry line. (At this point, who doesn't?) [WWD]
• Point the first: We have not heard anything of Nia Long since her immortal turn as Lisa on Fresh Prince, so her inclusion in PETA's ancient "Rather Go Naked" campaign proves the animal rights organization is scraping the very bottom of the barrel. Point the second: We get that Nia Long doesn't much care for the fur, but she seems to have no problem with gasp-inducingly unrealistic media images of women. The Photoshop job on her ad is eye-popping. Point the third: This quote speaks for itself: "There's no difference, in my opinion, [between fur and] slavery or the Holocaust." [DListed]
• Twiggy is releasing an album of pop songs on September 14. [Modelinia]
• Amber Rose posed for a series of racy photos in Complex magazine. She also told the mag: "I always looked up to Slash from Guns N' Roses. I had every single poster of Slash in my room. It was crazy because I grew up in an all-black neighborhood and everybody I went to school with was black. I was the only biracial looking girl in my school, and Slash was biracial too, he was just a fucking rock star. I always wanted to play the guitar. I've tried, but other things came up." [ONTD]
• In yet another high-yield jewelry heist, two armed robbers hit up the Graff store on New Bond St. in London for $65 million worth of baubles. Forty-three items were stolen, and while the suited robbers fired two shots and briefly took a Graff worker hostage, nobody was injured. [NYTimes]
• For reasons unknown, Maybelline has made a calendar. [Fashionista]
• The "moderately priced" designer "bridge" category — home of labels like Tory Burch, Elie Tahari, and Eileen Fisher — is losing one of its biggest players, Ellen Tracy. Starting next spring, the brand is down-shifting to concentrate on lower-priced sportswear, where it'll roll with labels like Lauren by Ralph Lauren and Michael by Michael Kors. [WWD]
• Meanwhile, members-only online sample sale site Gilt today is launching a website where it will host sales of lower-priced lines, called Gilt Fuse. In running Gilt, chief executive Susan Lyne says, "What we discovered was that, one, even though we discount significantly on the brands we carry on Gilt [up to 70 percent], it's still expensive for [our customers]. A $200 or $150 dress is still a big purchase for them." So Gilt Fuse will exert similar discounts on merchandise that was a little cheaper to begin with. Revolutionary concept, really. [NYObs]
• Escada's proposed fund-raising bond exchange has failed because fewer than 80 percent of investors approved it within the given time frame. The company plans to file for bankruptcy this week. [WWD]
• Pakistan's textile industry is suffering because of the twin ills of political instability — even consistent electrical power is not assured — and the global credit crunch. An estimated 200,000 people have lost their jobs in the textiles sector during the past year. [Reuters]
• After cutting $70 million worth of costs from its balance sheet in the first quarter, Liz Claiborne's losses still increased during the second quarter of this year — so a second, $100 million, cost-cutting plan is to be put in place. [WSJ]
• Although the sale of bankrupt men's clothier Hartmarx to Emerisque Brands and SKNL North America has managed to save 2,400 jobs that otherwise might have been lost, three plants which were not part of the sale, finalized last week, are shuttered. About 525 employees at factories in Rock Island, Illinois, Anniston, Alabama, and Hamilton, Ontario have lost their jobs. Hartmarx owns the brands Hart Shaffner Marx and Hickey Freeman. [WWD]

• L.A. boutique Kitson can't give away poor Lauren Conrad's collection. Well, they can, but not to customers. "They're giving away her collection to Caitlin's Closet, a charity that gives girls dresses for their big events, like the prom and homecoming." I have a terrible image of no one choosing her dresses for prom, though — I mean, they have other options, right? [TMZ]
• Designer Maria Pinto's star has risen along with client Michelle Obama's. 'While she does point out things Mrs. Obama might like, Ms. Pinto said she has never dressed her for events. Of the purple dress worn the night Mr. Obama claimed the nomination, Ms. Pinto said it was not planned. “Michelle is not scheming like her wardrobe should make certain points.”' [NY Times]
• In a match made in pink, Upper East Side, Gossip-Girly heaven, Charlotte Ronson and Shoshonna Lonstein team up for beachwear. "The two, who attended high school together at the The Nightingale-Bamford School, have joined forces on a beach line called Made With Love. Launching at retail in February, the collection includes printed women’s and girls’ bathing suits — a one-piece and several bikini styles — and matching printed beach towels and cover-ups." [WWD]

• Anti-fur activists would really prefer the pope not wear this one ceremonial hat trimmed in ermine. Cause that's obviously the archaic church tradition the pope really needs to address first. I'm not saying this one 13th century cap isn't going to start an international run on ermines, but still... [MSNBC]
• More on fashion week not requiring models to be healthy: "Hilary Riva, chief executive officer of the British Fashion Council, said in an open letter Wednesday that a yearlong model health inquiry deems certificates "an unworkable solution." "From our conversations with our international counterparts in New York, Milan and Paris, it has become clear that they do not recognize the need for an international health certificate," Riva wrote. [WWD]
• Maybe she's born with it? "Maybelline will give out $10,000 grants to 10 people who have changed lives through education. Post your nominee at maybelline.com." [NY Daily News]
• An event I secretly really, really want to go to: "Gamorama, Macy's annual glitzfest to benefit children's cancer research, will be all about the '80s Friday night, featuring Cyndi Lauper and MC Hammer." Have already put in a request for "I Had The Time of My Life." Although not, actually, invited. [Star Tribune]
• Helped by weak buck, Estee Lauder is way up. [Reuters]
• In its desperate resuscitation efforts, Liz Claiborne gives the unceremonious boot to striped-tights staple Sigrid Olsen. "It is a curious development in the fickle business of fashion that clothing labels like Ms. Olsen’s, made by and for the baby boomer generation, are among those being hardest hit by the current economic turmoil and retail< retrenchment." [NY Times]
• Skechers desperate to acquire Heelys! "After Wednesday's close, Skechers said it would pay nearly $143 million, or $5.25 a share in cash, for each share of Heelys. Skechers said the offer would give Heelys' stockholders an 8.2% premium to the closing price of the company's shares on Aug. 12." [The Street]
• New High School Musical panties deemed inappropriate for children? "The underwear, for girls as young as seven, are to promote the popular Disney film High School Musical and have "Dive In" written on the front. The phrase is a reference to a scene in film where characters dive into a swimming pool. But the National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children (NSPCC) and the National Union of Teachers (NUT) have both criticized the underwear, describing it as "inappropriate"." [Telegraph]
• Trying to smarten up their image, Sears unveils Fashion Week exhibit. '"What we really wanted to do was bring a taste of Fashion Week to people who would normally never get to sit under the tents or get to see a runway show," said Sears spokeswoman Amy Dimond. The retailer will also hold an exclusive kick-off party meant to get those in attendance, like fashion industry executives, to look "at Sears in a way that people may have not in the past." she said. [Reuters]
• Buyer and showroom head Cynthia O'Connor may be "the smartest woman in fashion" according to BlackBook. “COC + Co builds brands because we have a long-term strategy, not a ‘sell it today and collect your check’ philosophy.” O’Connor loves it just so. “When people walk in, they can see the success and that validates the experience.” [BlackBook]
• Asos.com CEO says they're gonna be "the amazon.com of the fashion industry. "As well as constantly evolving the mix of brands stocked, the etailer is implementing a range of initiatives - from the launch of a marketplace for second-hand clothes to homepages tailored for customers - to stay one step ahead of its increasingly-growing band of competitors." [VogueUK]
• "An ex-hasidic fashion designer uses Jewish symbolism in his designs, offending many devout Jews." I'm more offended by the designs themselves, not to be flippant. [Reuters]
• Without any irony: you can now buy Ralph Lauren Polo from your phone. "Taking its philosophy of “merchan-tainment” to a new level, Polo Ralph Lauren is launching into mobile commerce — m-commerce — incorporating echnology that allows shoppers to buy Polo merchandise from their cell phones." [WWD]

• Oh, Christ. There is going to be a Sex and the City lingerie line by Cosabella as a tie-in with the movie. Predictably, there will be four mini-lines, named after each of the four main characters on the show, meaning the "Samantha" line will be for the transgendered? Excellent. [WWD, 1st item]
  
• How did we not know that Nina Ricci designer Olivier Theyskens once collaborated with the Smashing Pumpkins? [Vogue UK]
  
• "I collect vintage jewelry and I'm lucky enough to be married to a rich man who can buy it for me." So says Iman. Um, so like, all that modeling you've been doing over the past few decades has been pro bono? How nice. [WWD, sub req'd]
  
• Mark your Chanukadvent calendars! Isaac Mizrahi is appearing on Martha Stewart's show on Dec. 18! We can't wait to see those two queens frost cookies together. [Fashion Week Daily]

• Model Jessica White is to become one of the new faces of Maybelline cosmetics. And she's black! [Sassybella]
• Designer shoe brand Patrick Cox is now officially up for sale. We assume this is because we haven't heard anyone talk about Patrick Cox since the late '90's. [Vogue UK]
• The Proenza Schouler boys are taking the time slot vacated by Marc Jacobs for the Fall/Winter 2008 shows during New York Fashion Week in February. [Fashion Week Daily]
• God, we love a good Anya Hindmarch tongue-in-cheek knock-off. [Sassybella]