[LAX, November 22. Image via Bauer-Griffin]

• Ellen and Portia will wed this weekend! Don't you wish they'd interrupt Olympic coverage to bring us love, LIVE? [Perez Hilton]
• Portia will wear a "flowing, form-fitting dress by Zac Posen." [Page Six]
• Christian Bale has been cleared of assault charges, you can go back to your regularly scheduled lust. [NY Post]
• Trump to the rescue! The Donald has saved Ed McMahon from foreclosure. He's buying Ed's house and "leasing" it to Ed so he can live in it. Dear Donald, I have my eye on a Tribeca penthouse… [Yahoo News]
• Sonya Dakar, an aesthetician with clients like Fergie, Drew Barrymore and Gwyneth Paltrow, was arrested after allegedly assaulting and trying to bite an inspector who was checking out her cosmetology license. WTF. [TMZ]
• Uh, Actress LisaRaye and her husband, the prime minister of Turks & Caicos, Michael Misick, were both treated for bite wounds Wednesday night in the Caribbean. Not mosquito, not shark, but HUMAN BITE WOUNDS. Scenes of a deteriorating marriage. [Rush & Molloy]
• Amy Winehouse slapped another member of the public. Oh, and there's video. The woman did grab Amy's arm and try to pull her. Not that Amy handled it properly. [The Sun]

• Despite reports in this week's In Touch, Casey Aldridge denies he had sex with 28-year-old Kelli Dawson while Jamie Lynn Spears was pregnant. [The Superficial]
• Gwen Stefani: Still pregnant. [The.Life Files]
• Did Jennifer Love Hewitt slim down for the publicity? (Is there any other reason to do it?) [MSNBC]
• Gossip Girl gossip: Season two begins in the Hamptons and Blake Lively says: "There's a lot of juicy stuff in all of our lives." [ET]
• 90210 promo! With Jennie Garth and Shannen Doherty! [Perez Hilton]
• Matthew Fox has resigned his Lost deal with ABC and is getting a salary raise: $225,000 per episode, up from $150,000. But can you put a price on brooding Dr. Shephard? [Reuters]
• Miley Cyrus has been hanging out with Adam Sevani of Step Up 2: The Streets. I saw that movie and I promise you he was the best thing in it. Anyways, they look cute riding bikes together, but that doesn't meet he's her boyfriend, sheesh. [Perez Hilton]
• Chris Brown's new track is floating around online but he is not happy. "I'm mad that it's leaked," he says. "The record's not finished. It's supposed to be me and Rihanna's duet." [USA Today]
• Say it with me now: DMX has been arrested. Again. Miami this time! [USA Today]
• Quentin Tarantino's flick Inglorious Bastards is already stirring up controversy: "The film depicts scalpings, disembowelment and swastikas being engraved in foreheads as a group of American Jewish soldiers are airdropped into Nazi-occupied Europe to wreak revenge on the Germans." [Guardian]
• If you're Mariah Carey you don't have to dry yourself off after a swim. That's what towel boys are for. [ONTD]
• Lily Allen has has written a new song wich imagines what God’s life would be like. Lily "attempts to answer questions like who God would date, what job he’d have and what music he would listen to." Dunno about God, but Jesus definitely listens to Kanye West. [The Sun]
• Apparently Bono was blasting his own new songs out of a villa in the South of France, loud enough for passersby to hear and try to upload on YouTube. [The Sun]
• Peaches Geldof arrived back in London after her quickie Vegas wedding and promptly rung up her ex, Faris Badwan of rock band The Horrors. [The Sun]
• Except this report says she snubbed Faris and he had to read about her getting married in the paper. [Mirror]
• This purposely misleading headline: "Doherty's 8hr Visit To Dealer" is on a story about how Pete Doherty went shopping for antiques at 10 am and didn't leave until 6pm. Scandalous! [The Sun]
• Sir Paul McCartney cut a vacation short because his eldest daughter Mary gave birth to her third child. [Mirror]
• Noel Gallagher was drunk on Radio 1? What is this, 1995? [The Sun]
• Busy Philipps, of Dawson's Creek and Freaks And Geeks, gave birth to a baby girl on Wednesday. Birdie Leigh Silverstein's daddy is Busy's screenwriter husband Marc Silverstein. [Star]
• Rumer Willis says when she was 12, she realized she "got screwed" in the name department. "My sisters, Scout and Talullah, had cute nicknames. When I was 12 and had crushes on guys, I'd put my first name with their last name, but it never sounded right. Rumer Depp? Nope. In school, kids would sing, 'Rumer, Rumer with a big hairy tumor.'" [Page Six]
• "Jessica was well-developed, and every guy in high school wanted her and practically every girl hated her. Jessica put on a brave face, but it was a campaign of terror that just devastated her." — A source speaking about Jessica Simpson's new song, with lyrics about abuse. [MSNBC]
• Jerry Lewis says the gun found in his carry-on was a gift that he'd forgotten was in his luggage. [AP]
• RIP, grandma of Catherine Zeta-Jones. [Daily Express]
• Oh, and Cathy Z, who turns 40 next year, says: "I haven’t actually reached my sexiest point yet." [Mirror]
• "I still love her. I’m not really over her yet. We still hang. She was just out with me a couple days ago and we were having a great time. She’s really got it. I think she’s great." — Bret Michaels on Ambre Lake. [People]
• "We are very close. We see each other as much as we can, but we’re usually in different parts of the world. When we have time off, I like to go and hang out with her. She has the cutest children – Finn [three years old] is just the funniest." — Emma Roberts on Aunt Julia. [Mirror]
• "He kissed me on the lips, and then he gave me a filterless cigarette. I came off all lightheaded and had to go sit on his dressing room steps. Maybe it was the cigarette and nothing to do with the legend." — Kate Moss, on meeting Frank Sinatra, in Interview magazine. [Rush & Molloy]

[Los Angeles, April 26. Image via Bauer-Griffin.]

[New York, February 18. Image via Splash]

• According to The National Domestic Violence Hotline, you may be in an emotionally abusive relationship if your partner (in this case, the show), tries to isolate you from family or friends. When you watch Lost, the world divides into two groups; those who also watch and those who don't. Even my own mother will be denied and ignored if she dares to call while I'm watching tonight. And heaven forbid if she asks, "What's the show about?"

• The wellness site Third Age asks, Do you feel as if your partner keeps you dangling on a string? Does he or she seem to have all of the emotional control? Does this make your own life feel out of control? Yes, yes and yes! Lost leaves you dangling, controls emotions, makes you fall in love with foxy foxes, no-goodniks and heart-melters, muddles their backstories, confuses whether they are good or bad and then snatches them away from you just when you thought you could count on seeing them shirtless once a week.
• Dr. Phil himself says a relationship might be abusive if your partner is making you afraid by using looks, gestures or actions. The black smoke is terrifying! So is Henry Gale/Ben Linus! So is the fact that people manifest things from their past — Kate's horse, Jack's dad? Another mark of the emotional abuser is if the person makes light of the abuse and doesn't take your concerns about it seriously. You think they listened when I begged, "Please don't kill Mr. Eko!"? No!
• You're being abused if your partner does not want you to work. Lost wants me to spend all day cross-referencing conspiracy theories, watching secret videos that may or may not hold insight and reading Hurley's blog. I just know it.
• Lastly, emotionally abusive partners are known for punishing by withholding affection. It's been eight months! As Emily Nussbaum says in New York Magazine today: "Basically, we're kind of like John Locke: Befriend us under false pretenses, steal our kidney, smash us through a window, toss us in a mass grave! You're still our daddy, and we'll follow you anywhere."

  What is Domestic Violence? [The National Domestic Violence Hotline]
  Are You in an Emotionally Abusive Relationship? [ThirdAge]
  Are You in an Emotionally Abusive Relationship? [Dr. Phil]
  Six Secret Lost Videos [10 Zen Monkeys]
  Emily Nussbaum on 'Lost': We Are John Locke [New York Magazine]

[Sydney, Australia; January 24. Image via INF.]