The Daily Mail says, "this child is bound to be a music lover." Well, that or Jack in the Box.


Aah! Embryo Mr. Met!!!



This baby will be one of those kids who claims all through elementary school that she wants to be a "marine biologist" and then gets to high school and realizes that doesn't mean "swimming with dolphins" and loses interest.


This child: the next Napoleon. Or Caesar. Or anyone basically who feels entitled to the entire world.


I know I want my child to be the infant version of a sponge on quaaludes. Actually, kinda cute. Or would be. On paper.


It's rare that you can work "navel-gazing" and "solipsistic" into into one description in such a literal way!


In case you thought she'd just had too much cake.


The five-clawed dragon was a symbol of the Chinese emperors. It's weird how it's trying to claw its way in.


This baby is incredibly traumatized right now, and if it wasn't already in the fetal position, would be.


As a Taurus, I object to the bull's portrayal as a stoned cow. But this baby is going to be all, "I'm good. Cartoons," and there's a lot to be said for that.



How's this for a belly laugh? The pregnant women who decorate their bumps with amazing artwork [Daily Mail]

In the ongoing quest to shatter every single sugar-coated motherhood cliche - I don't love my daughter! I hate playing with my kids! - CNN runs an essay (by way of Parenting) on Why This Woman Didn't Want A Girl. (Dozens of people have emailed us about it.) As a pregnant woman with two boys, the author, Amy Wilson, resents the implication that she "must" want a girl to round things out. Fair enough; any superior supposition about pregnancy has always struck us as pretty intrusive.

I do this partially in defense of the two wonderful sons I have. But it's the truth. I love what I have, and I have what I love: boys. I understand them. I understand the clothes, the toys, and the Matchbox-car skids on my wallpaper...Not that having two boys is easy — their physical interaction can be, shall we say, overwhelming. But I love even that, because when I say I am the mother of two boys less than two years apart, I get a respectful nod or even a big thumbs-up for having that much testosterone in my daily life.

She's starting to lose us here, but we persevere. Then we hit that quote about girls being manipulative - how will she, gaining everyone's respect for being such a guy's girl, "deal with that?" And this:

My sons sneer at all things princess, and so do I. We love to pore over the Birthday Express catalog so the boys can plan the themes of their parties through 2013. My role in this is to gasp, "Oh, I think you should have a pink-poodle party!" "YUCK!! That's for GIRLS!!" they shriek, and I laugh along with them. What will I do when I have someone who wants a pink-poodle party?

Sure, she says, not all girls are like this - she has a niece who's not a girly-girl - but what if she is? What if, presumably, she's a moron who likes stupid things? And, oh yeah, there are the social reasons:

I also worry that girls have it harder — whether they're tomboys or wear tutus. I fear I won't know how to protect my child from a world that may often tell her that she's not good enough as she is. That, in order to get ahead, she's going to have to deny some part of herself. Having a daughter means there's so much more, as a mother, that I can do wrong.

"A world that may often tell her she's not good enough as she is," hm? Like, say, a parent who makes unilateral sweeping statements about her sex and condemn her possible interests before she's even born? I'd say that'll set her up pretty well for the world, actually.

Okay, I'm being harsh, I know - and as a non-mom, I know how easy is is to criticize. People have all kinds of feelings, I have friends who've worried about their ability to parent to one sex or the other based on their experiences and inclinations - and all these ideas are, I guess, somewhat grounded in the pink-and-blue world of cliche. What's troubling about the author's rationale is not that she doesn't want a girl - fair enough - but that all her reasons seem to be founded on a contempt for girls that she's not examining. (And at the risk of overthinking, there are worse things than being in a culture where baby girls are valued.)

Many modern parents have struggled with seeing their children succumb to the lure of "gendered" toys and paraphernalia, but more often than not it seems the reality leads them to relax their view on the evil of a Barbie when weighed in the context of a smart, real child in an intelligent, loving home over whose values a parent has some control. Kids don't exist in a vacuum - even girls. Now, when there's a weird expectation of vapidity,of "whining, manipulation and triangulation?" Well, that's another matter.

It should be said that the piece features the post-script, "Her daughter, Maggie, is 16 months old, and Wilson "gets it" now, she really gets it." Now that's a piece I'd rather read - because we already know plenty about sweeping judgments. The specific reality's generally more complex.

Why I Didn't Want A Girl [CNN]

According to an essay in the Times magazine, yup. Explains Anna Solomon,

The baby was 3 months old. Which was supposed to be the turning point, when suddenly she would reveal herself to be human and I would rediscover my zest and oh, how glorious it would be! Nothing changed. I hadn't slept more than three hours in a row since she was born, my fatigue was unraveling into depression, my days had taken on the half-state of an early-morning dream. I was certain that I'd ruined my life, and I was thinking - with alarming frequency - of men who were not my husband, men who seemed suddenly more attractive than they'd actually been, or kinder, or braver - men who would never have gotten me into this mess.

Her friends assure her that the guilty pastime is not uncommon. But when Solomon accidentally phones one of the very exes she's been romanticizing, the results are disspiriting; she ends up feeling worse than ever and is convinced he's "in his town house, laughing at me." Ultimately she makes a clean breast to her husband (probably a good idea if you're going to write an essay about it in a national publication), the baby grows up and Solomon gets over her mental philandering.

It's cute and funny and seemed a further piece in the mothering schism we've seen taking place in our nation in the past few years. Let's call it the "Madonna/Mom Complex." On the one hand, motherhood has never been more glamorous: exquisite, environmentally friendly baby paraphernalia proliferates; celebrities and French politicians whittle their waists down to Scarlett O'Hara-like proportions within days of giving birth; career gals are back in the saddle long before maternity leaves are up; in the cases of celebrity adoptions like Madonna and Angelina, the births are quite literally virgin, bodies and wardrobes untouched by pregnancy even as faces are beatified by motherhood. Then there's the "mom" part of the equation: aggressively de-mythologizing motherhood through a series of down-and-dirty confessionals, torn-vag tell-alls, and nitty-gritty Babble conversations. Moms are earth-mother without the romance: it's more about commiseration than group glorification.

The funny thing is, that both elements do serve to glorify motherhood - or at least keep its prominence center-stage. Both approaches are a luxury, of sorts: both allow for total absorption with the business of being born as Ricky Lake (firmly in the "Mom" camp) would have it. As cults of domesticity go, we can all do a lot worse than one that focuses on the fam (in a non-political sense, that is.) But if we're to continue with the simplistic dichotomy (oh, and I am) it's going to ultimately give as skewed a picture as any classic "slash/slash" complex; two separate and unequals and never the twain shall meet. Isn't the day to day something in between the two? If we were moms - or Madonnas - we wouldn't need to ask; and maybe at the end of the day, that's the real schism.
The Three-Month Itch [NY Times]

Related: Mom Gets De-Programmed From The Cult Of Pregnancy

French Justice Minister's Maternity Leave Ignites Media Firestorm
So About That Harrowing "Ring Of Fire" Story…

I remember, several years ago, a wealthy acquaintance of my parents' saying, about a housekeeper who'd unhappily enrolled her child in a sub-par day care, "I don't understand; why doesn't she just hire a nanny?" I've always wanted to believe that was an isolated bit of headdeskery, but reading this article in W, I'm not so sure. Ostensibly, the piece discusses the fact that a lot of women are not taking full maternity leave, instead choosing to return to work early. The reasons listed are legion, and nothing we haven't heard before in these debates: competition in the workplace, the economy, baby bonding versus a fulfilled mom, breastfeeding, the challenges of pumping at the office: the standard questions that each working mother addresses . As the article puts it,

In an era when France's justice minister recently gave birth on a Friday and attended a cabinet meeting the following Wednesday — and when, more famously, Sarah Palin took just three days off from her Alaskan gubernatorial duties after the birth of her fifth child-an increasing number of women are making childbirth look, if not like magic, certainly a lot easier than it was for their mothers by taking mere weeks, not months, off from work.

The issues the piece addresses may be typical; luckily, these moms are anything but! Finances do not seem to enter into the equation for any of them; while the economy is invoked to explain the necessity of staying present as a business-owner, nowhere is there a sense that the imperative is monetary necessity. The issue, for all of these women, seems to be whether or not to hire the nanny whom they can all obviously afford. Take this characteristic quote:

By hiring a nanny to help with her second child, Brooks realized how much more time she had for herself and for a job that she loved. "When Coco was born, I would never even have a babysitter on the weekend. I was really moral about it. And as joyous as those moments were, part of it was slightly miserable," she admits. "I was being too much of a martyr to the mom world."

Although some of the quoted moms deal with the typical new mother's issues that usually inspire sympathy, each one manages to work in some detail that makes it clear she has some pretty enviable advantages:

"I pumped everywhere," says Celerie Kemble, an interior designer who resumed work almost immediately after having each of her children, Rascal, two, and Zinnia, one, thanks in part to a baby nurse. "The UPS man [at my office] saw more boob in the last couple years than in his teenage heyday."

Or take this working mom's solution:

"I don't know anybody who is taking three months off anymore," says a high-profile Manhattan boutique owner who brought her two toddlers to market appointments when they were just weeks old. "You can be tired at home or tired at the Balenciaga showroom," she says.

Look, some people are fortunate enough to have material advantages, and that's great for them. And W, like Vogue, is a fashion magazine with a particular target demographic. But when the worlds of the "everyday woman" and the "aspirational" fashion mag focus converge, the results can feel oblivious. The author didn't say the article was about "wealthy working mothers," just "new moms." One gets the feeling that the author does not, in fact, know that others have it harder. For everyone's sake, including that dame from the dinner party, I do hope ignorance is bliss.

Born Yesterday [W]

• In weird/amazing news: Christian Siriano is doing a maternity line. "Siriano teamed up with his two friends Marta Abrams and Elise Rosemarin, founders of Moody Mamas maternity clothes, to create a collection called Fierce for Moody Mamas by Christian Siriano." Apparently he liked the idea of a gay man doing maternity - and a 22-year-old, less! [NY Mag]
• Isn't it nice when celebrity lines actually make sense, like Dita Von Teese for Wonderbra? [The Life Files]
• What will Stella say? Gwyneth Paltrow wears fur, creates ruckus. "The actress, who along with her husband, Chris Martin, supports a raft of ethical causes, is pictured draped in fox fur and wearing fur-lined boots for the Italian luxury goods company Tod’s." And this after PETA wrote her "many times" and "sent her videos showing how animals suffer for fur." [First Post]

• Does anyone else find this description of the costumes from Madonna's upcoming "Sweet and Sticky" tour really, really depressing? "Costume designer Arianne Phillips took inspiration from the Material Girl's early years in the city to create "nostalgic and fun" looks that "take Madonna back to her roots." Designer Jeremy Scott contributed '80s-inspired pieces with prints from the late artist Keith Haring, who was a close friend of Madonna's and would also have turned 50 this year. Madonna – who will celebrate her 50th birthday on Aug. 16 – is even getting custom sneakers with Haring's art on them." [People]
• "Christian Dior has unveiled its new Luxury Mobile Phone, My Dior, specifically for the China and Russia marketplace." It has crystals on its face and for no very clear reason comes with an additional, miniature phone. It's also five grand. [Inventor Spot]
• After a decade and despite a fanatical fashionista following, Jane Mayle closes her boutique, line. [WWD]
• Miu Miu's jockey-inspired line: "To drive the athletic message home, for the show, each model had her initials embossed in leather on her jacket – how cute is that? – and, for good measure, also wore a close-fitting interpretation of a riding hat." Um, sort of cute, we guess. [Independent]
• Kiehl's, Brad Pitt team up for green charity. [WWD]
• Ospop canvas sneakers take inspiration from Chinese workers. "Specifically, Ospop sneakers are based on a design widely worn by such laborers, but with higher-quality materials and structural improvements meant to appeal to a Western audience — one that is, not incidentally, willing to pay $75 for a pair of sneakers. Since forming last October, Ospop has sold more than 7,500 pairs." By the way, they're very cool - like a streamlined, old-school Ked. [NYT]
• Slate's rundown of fashion books and sites; few surprises, good refresher - although we feel Genevieve Antoine Dariaux should really head any such compendium. [Slate]
• Daphne Guinness on street style: "Celebrities almost never look good unless they are 'out' at something or other, while real fashion animals always look a little interesting, even if they are only going to Starbucks. Individuality will always exist," she asserts. "It's more that it has become very underground and doesn't infiltrate the mainstream as much as it should, so you have to search it out, which is getting more difficult, but also more rewarding." Well, if "more difficult" means a hundred "Satrorialist/Bill Cunningham/street-peeper"-style hipster street fashion blogs, then yes. [VogueUK]
• In "stuff you probably weren't wondering": what did Madonna wear to her 50th bash at London's Volstead nightclub? "The material girl donned Givenchy's catwalk layered gold chains and crusifixes, defying her half-century to look younger than ever. She teamed the necklaces...with a micro mini playsuit, sheer, puff sleeved overcoat and thigh high Stella McCartney boots - and a clutch bag baring her name in diamonds and studs." [ElleUK]
• Belgian Peter Philips takes over as global creative director of Chanel make-up: "A softly-spoken Belgian with dark blond hair and a calm demeanour...Philips has inherited a legacy of luxurious packaging and technical innovation." His first move: gold nail polish. [Independent]
• The Guardian runs down the tactics of the most successful retailers: keeping it in the family, "shock tactics" and, you know, good business. [Guardian]
• Saks way down. So at least the recession's democratic... [WSJ]
• The Duh Files: Sunglasses are no substitute for prescription specs. Why can't people just wear prescription shades like we do? Then, apparently, they wouldn't be getting in car accidents. [Daily Mail]
• Forever21 bulldozes L.A. garden, draws protests, makes shlocky clothes. [LA Times]
• John Varvatos used Gwen Stefani sorta-step-daughter and self-described "dirty fairy" Daisy Lowe in his latest campaign because she's "cute, sexy but not overly beautiful...the kids in the ads look pretty real, we were not looking for glamour." [WWD]
• Venerable label Pringle of Scotland collaborate for their latest window with artist Deborah Bowness, who created a book-print wallpaper for the display using the Autumn collection's color scheme. "The wallpaper was then mounted on large leather-bound books to create the background for the collection. To finish, I used smaller versions of the books embossed with "Pringle of Scotland: The Collection". Each window is arranged differently, bringing style and humour." [VogueUK]
• We're on record in our belief that jean-buying and the internets don't mix, but couturecloset.us does sound pretty cool: "Basically, it's a denim haven, built to bring all the coolest jeans to your fingertips. From the left hand side, choose the denim brand you prefer, and it'll provide links of online retailers that sell its jeans. Also, scroll down and you'll find a bunch of eBay denim auctions." [FabSugar]
• The "candycast": in which a cartoon lady lectures you on fashion. And it's not even Smurfette! [Style.com]

• Pregnant singer Lily Allen has announced that she has turned down multiple offers to design a maternity line, given that so many of her fans are tween girls and feels that attaching her name to getting knocked up just "wouldn't be suitable." Jaime-Lynn, are you listening? [BBC]
  
• Lily also opened the Harrods sale today, clad in a very non-maternity backless black dress. She told shoppers: "Unfortunately I did come in earlier for a bit of a preview so there's not much left." Oh the rich: They're so funny! [The Mirror]
  
• Wednesday, Giorgio Armani himself took a little stroll through his SoHo Armani Exchange store while customers were busy shopping. It's not difficult to imagine him entering and musing proudly, arms outstretched, "These are my lands." [Page Six]
  
• Estee Lauder, Inc: Friend to farmers! [WSJ]

• The new Fendi baguette bag bears an uncanny resemblance to the Chanel 2.55 bag. Karl Lagerfeld, incidentally, designs both Fendi and Chanel. Coincidence? [Sassybella]
• The Prada Spring 2008 print ads have the same delightfully kooky aesthetic as the Prada Spring 2008 line. [Sassybella]
• Premiere fashion trade paper WWD reports that the biggest new trend for designers is getting into the cell phone market. Seriously, where have they been? Also, why doesn't anyone want to give me a Prada phone? [WWD, sub req'd]
• Former Conde Nast CEO Steve Florio passed away yesterday due to complications from a heart attack. [WWD, sub req'd]
• I plan to spend New Year's Eve at home in my pajamas. But you know what makes sitting at home in pajamas more exciting? Wearing a full face of make-up, a la Dita von Teese. [FabSugar]