While most of the Housewives were showing off the new stuff they bought, Jeana took the opportunity to show off a pair of old purchases.

Divorce looks good on her.

Former Housewife Tammy was there.

So were her kids. They admired Jeana's breasts, too.

Kimberly, from the first season, also showed up. She moved to Chicago.

Jo also attended. She moved to LA. They must not have texture scissors there.

Jo brought her ex-boyfriend Slade.

Tamra said what I've always thought. But the thing is, she's the one who's married to a guy in a purple and pink striped shirt. That's like the pot calling the kettle latent.

Still, Slade tried to come off as hetero as possible, much to the dismay of this chick.

Slade was delinquent on his mortgage payments and had to sell his house. Usually when this happens, you'd say that someone lost their shirt. It appears as though he also lost his shoes.

Gretchen bought all the girls Coach change purses, but Lauri didn't really need one, since she already has a really nice wallet.

A week later, Gretchen's much older fiancé Jeff lost his battle with cancer.

Says Newsweek's Johnnie L. Roberts:

Unofficially, profligacy became passé on Oct. 6, when disgraced Lehman Brothers CEO Richard Fuld appeared at a congressional hearing after the firm's historic $600-billion bankruptcy. He encountered a blizzard of scorn over his half-billion-dollar compensation and baronial lifestyle: a $21 million Park Avenue penthouse, a $25 million estate in Greenwich, Conn., and an estimated $200 million art collection.

Since then, we've seen Vogue slumming it at Wal-Mart and luxury ad numbers drop.

It seems like even if the uberwealthy are not personally suffering, it's now in poor taste to flaunt what you've got. Call it conspicuous austerity: a newfound sensitivity has made restraint temporarily chic. And not all luxury brands can keep up: according to the New York Times,Time Style and Design, which closed before the economic downturn, now feels anachronistically tone-deaf as the totaled items "would cost more than $51 million, or about 340 times the annual income of its average reader." As one woman told The Guardian, "now, when someone admires my dress, I never say it is by Balenciaga or Bottega Veneta. I tell them it's an old Phillip Lim. This neatly conveys the message that, just like everybody else, I've cut back on shopping and am happy to wear something by a modest label." And according to the article, luxury goods makers are taking different tacks: "highlighting heirloom appeal, ", "cultivating a guilt-free image" by teaming up with charities, or allowing secret splurging with sites like Gilt.com, that send purchases in unmarked brown boxes. Says The Guardian article, "the web offers the perfect opportunity for a new breed of 'stealth shoppers', embarrassed about flaunting their wealth, or what is left of it."

While asceticism is a reality for most of the world right now, it seems unlikely that everyone with riches of this magnitude will be able to maintain such a low profile after the novelty really wears off: empathy has its limits, after all - that or the luxury industry will get wily enough to get around peoples' guilt altogether. The Depression, as we know, saw some of the starkest contrasts the country has ever known, and historically speaking, great poverty has never dampened the relative pleasures of money much. If restraint is in with people who can afford it, well, they can afford to get tired of it in a year, too - which is probably what the $175-billion global luxury market is counting on.

Luxury Shame [Newsweek]
Celebrating Luxury In The Time Of Melancholia [New York Times]
Stealth Shoppers Shun Stores And Splash Out On Luxuries Online [The Guardian]

Regular magazines are getting more like women's magazines every day. Here's where we post our egregious examples!

• Page 24: Boost your man's confidence! A story called "Maxim Insecurity" tells us that guys feel insecure when they read men's mags just like we hate ourselves after reading women's mags! Not because of the buff dudes — those are for fags! — but because of the beautiful women these men are paired with, making the male readers feel insecure about their own inability to get such unattainable and attractive women
• Page 24: "Brighter Teeth, Better Life?" — Will using Whitestrips make you more self-confident? A University of Michigan efficacy study doesn't actually say anything about that. But this story will lead you to believe it does!
• Page 42: "Field Guide to the Materialist" Victoria Frances (not her full name, but there is a full picture of her in the magazine! And surprise surprise, she is thin!!) is a magazine editor who really really really loves shopping. And does she feel guilty? No! She's an "unabashed materialist, a high-end version of the mildly object-obsessed masses in our capitalist society". It's perfectly normal! But: The realization that buying things won't fill that void in your life (???) can cause ennui she says. To remedy this, Victoria plans on: Traveling to India, moving to Wyoming, and volunteering. How 'bout we check back in October on that one! How to "dematerialize"? "Be More Scholarly about Stuff" and "Embrace Your Inner Beatnik," says a sidebar (page 44).
• Page 75: "Gut Almighty" is a story about trusting your gut. It says you should trust your gut, except when you should probably ignore it because you are over-obsessing your gut's reaction to something bad. (We think that in the story, "gut" = "brain.") In fact, a strong hunch can be the beginning of a beautiful relationship, reports the magazine; we might be guided by "unconscious emotional pattern-matching that produces intuition". Hmmmm. But beware the intervention of the "gut" in the middle of a romance: Women in long-term relationships sometimes think they can "mind-read" their boyfriends but are really only looking for "relationship-threatening" triggers so they overobsesss about the negative things and fade out the positive stuff. In other words: We are fucking up our relationships! More depressing news: "Anxious women are accurate at the wrong times" (page 73).
• Page: A House Divided: Divorce-battles can lead to using kids to manipulate the other person (No crap!). They offer some tips to not be manipulative or alienating of the children. Basically, they say to stifle your emotions about your ex's new mate, and don't tell your kids your problems.
• Page 48: Unconventional Wisdom (Relationship Advice): Some woman is mad her boyfriend is messy, another woman is mad that her husband is dragging his feet about having a baby, a really sad woman is staying in her horrible marriage because she doesn't want to lose medical insurance!! (Page 49.)
• Page 52: Health & Happiness: A ballerina named Wendy Whelan is portrayed as the paragon of health and virtue. She weighs maybe 78 pounds! Also: Yoga is good for you. (Page 57)
• Page 78: The Laws of Chemistry: Women are unconsciously attracted to men with different immune systems (This explains why all our BFs are allergic to cats!!) and we trigger that attraction by smell. Social background and upbringing have little to do biologically with who you are attracted to. The author makes a list of the four personality types that lead to chemistry (?): Explorers=risk-takers, impulsive, and creative; Builders=social and popular; Negotiators=verbally skilled and good at reading others, nurturing; Directors=focused and outwardly competitive. What does this have to do with chemistry? Builders like Explorers and Directors like Negotiators. Blah blah blah. It ends with a personality test. Jezebel's Intern Maria is an "Explorer." Because she is "outgoing." Yes, and she is also fat.
• Page 87: The End of the Private Self (blogging special): Blogs blogs blogs. Hot pic of "Washingtonienne" blogger Jessica Cutler in bed! Apparently blogging might make us smarter! By keeping secrets our mind gets bogged down, but by telling them we free up our mind for more "productive" thoughts. Uh, yeah, we have REAL productive thoughts every day when we leave this job. Like: Whiskey? Or beer? Or whiskey and beer?

Psychology Today