I guess it was only a matter of time before someone took Madonna's life and added a few onomatopoeic sound effects:

• Kelly Osbourne, the new face of the tween-focused Macy's line to which Madonna licensed her image, says Lourdes Leon "is the sweetest girl. She's the most unaffected, well-mannered, well-brought up, sweet, loving, caring, normal girl I've ever met in her situation." And of all people, we suppose Kelly Osbourne — who…

• Ann Taylor replaced Heidi Klum with Katie Holmes for the spring season. The brand says it sought Holmes, who's also modeled for J. Crew and been the face of Miu Miu, for "her intellect, kindness and enduring personal style." [WWD]

• January Jones' reward for holding up the spring Versace show by over an hour is apparently...the brand's spring campaign. Says Donatella Versace, "In January I feel I have found a perfect Versace woman for the 21st century." [WWD]

• Marion Cotillard was shot, and apparently not retouched, by Bruce Weber for the cover of Italian Vanity Fair. Certainly it's preferable to that hackjob of a Vogue cover she was subjected to, but isn't the pose a bit awkward? [HuffPo]

• Madonna went to Macy's yesterday with Lourdes and her "muse" Taylor Momsen to launch her Material Girl juniors' line. But that's just the start of Madge's licensing deal: Expect separately branded, grown-up geared lingerie and workout clothes next. [WWD]

"Dance 4 A Chance to Meet Madonna!" blared signs all over the Broadway Dance Center where, at 8 Thursday morning, dancers lined up to do just that.

• Etsy isn't the full extent of Christina Hendricks' modeling — she is the new face of London Fog. Previously, the company's campaigns have featured Tony Parker and Eva Longoria, and Gisele Bündchen, whose pregnancy the company Photoshopped out. [NYDN]

• Vogue Paris picked Marion Cotillard for its September cover, and bleached her eyebrows. Strangely enough, the French actress has never been on the cover of Vogue Paris before, though she made American Vogue's cover last November and this July. [@VogueParisLive]

[New York, August 3. 'Material Girls' pose for a photo, embrace literalism prior to the Material Girl clothing line launch at Macy's Herald Square. Image via Getty]

• When he gets done taping The View today, Barack Obama's gonna head over to his close, personal friend Anna Wintour's house for an intimate, $30,000-a-plate, fundraiser with fashion friends like Calvin Klein and Donna Karan. [WWD]

Obviously the Material Girl line is all about attitude, because we can barely see any clothes in this image, and Taylor won't stop yelling at us with her eyes. But here's what's even stranger:

Madonna's daughter Lourdes has started a fashion blog in promotion of Material Girl, the pair's line for Macy's.

• American Apparel — plagued by debt, sales declines, production delays, and that discrimination kerfuffle — warned that its stock may be delisted. "American Apparel is unique because they're on the cusp of a total collapse," says one analyst. [MSNBC]

• Richie Sambora's latest collection for his line White Trash Beautiful, includes this snake-print "zip-crotch leotard," perfect for lounging. [Vogue UK]
• Gary Coleman was planning a children's clothing line when he died, allegedly. Sounds like a project for Scott Baio! [Radaronline]

"I hate the term 'empower,' because it's so wrongly appropriated by, for example, strippers, but she really did empower me, because she just took power so unapologetically... I've never before or since seen anyone like that." [Salon]

• An Israeli nationalist group is very concerned about Bar Refaeli's relationship with goy Leo DiCaprio. According to the LA Times, the group's director "has nothing against Mr. DiCaprio, who I have no doubt is a talented actor." [via Gawker]

• Madonna got a clothing line. Not with Ed Hardy, but with Iconix — and her juniors' clothes will hit Macy's under the label "Material Girl" as soon as August. Expect a variety of other collections to follow, including eyewear. [WWD]

A piece in today's Guardian gives Madonna a big attagirl for her younger boyfriend. Ok, but at this point should Madonna be a poster child for anything but...Madonna-ness?