• And now, the cold, hard, retail reality sets in: Neiman Marcus and Net-A-Porter are dropping Ungaro for Spring. Barneys and Saks also aren't ordering. Lindsay Lohan and Mounir Moufarrige, what have you wrought! [Style.com]

• Ashley Tisdale does not yearn for a clothing line. "I've started a production company; I guess that's kind of my clothing line," says the actress. [WWD]
• The incredible Alexander McQueen shoes — both the bulbous hoof ones, and the ones that look like some piece of anthropomorphic weaponry out of eXistenZ, which Lady Gaga wore in the video for "Bad Romance" — are apparently a hit. The designer says he's been inundated with calls from women wanting to buy the so-called "Alien" shoes, albeit some who are interested in them as art pieces. The process by which the shoes are made is protected by copyright, says a spokesperson for the brand. No word on whether a commercial version will be produced for wide sale; McQueen is mulling a charity auction for the runway samples. [Grazia]
• Carlos Falchi's line of handbags for Target is in stores now through December 27th. The designer says, if he didn't have his current job, "I'd like to be a Brazilian cowboy." [TFI]
• Victoria Beckham's people are denying the rumors she is planning, with Simon Fuller, to open a modeling agency — perhaps a U.S. branch of Storm, in which Fuller holds a controlling stake — in New York. "There is absolutely no truth in the story regarding Victoria Beckham and Simon Fuller opening a modeling agency in New York," says her spokesman. "Victoria is concentrating all her efforts on her fashion line and her family." [Vogue UK]
• Daniel Lalonde, president of Louis Vuitton, basically confirmed Lara Stone will be the face of the spring campaign. [The Cut]
• Betsey Johnson is redesigning her stores. Gone will be the hot-pink walls, replaced with white walls and checkerboard floors, to better display the clothes. [Racked]
• Dooney & Bourke co-founder Frederic Bourke has been sentenced to 366 days in prison and a $1 million fine for his role in a failed scheme to bribe Azeri officials into privatizing Azerbaijan's oil company, which would have essentially deprived the country of profits from its greatest national resource. Bourke is appealing. [WWD]
• Model Karmen Pedaru spent a year as goalie on an Estonian national soccer team. [W]
• Funny, the only item this list of How To Look Like Gisele Bundchen is missing is: being born to look like Gisele Bundchen. (OK, so Nars Orgasm is bog standard by now, but $475 moisturizer? Come on.) [Blackbook]
• The BHV — pretty much the most awesome department store in Paris — is getting Beth Ditto and Jean-Charles de Castelbajac to do its holiday windows. Meanwhile, stately old Printemps has Natalia Vodianova. [WWD]
• The British Fashion Council will give an award to the winner of a public vote on who best "embodies the spirit of London." Nominees include Alexa Chung, Kate Moss, and Vivienne Westwood. [BFC]
• Jeffrey Monteiro might be taking over as head designer at Bill Blass. [WWD]
• Liz Lange is launching a lifestyle shopping site, apparently kind of like Gilt crossed with Daily Candy. [Crains]
• People are trying to save Luella on the Internet. [Fashionista]
• The Gossip Girl timeline is apparently now forever divided by the caesura of the Threesome; say Before The Threesome or After The Threesome, and everyone immediately knows what you mean. The boys on the show have been wearing a lot of Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen's line, Elizabeth & James, People notes. [People]
• Jason Wu is doing a capsule collection for Tse this spring. [WWD]
• Anthropologie is the most profitable of the three Urban Outfitters brands, quarterly results reveal. [TS]
• Marie Osmond is licensing her name to a fashion and home decor line. Every last piece in the Marie Lifestyle Collection will retail for under $100. Expect to see it in stores later this month. [UPI]
• Donna Karan's West Indies home is currently making us cry bitter tears of envy from our very black souls. [SB]

• Adam Lambert put an end to the speculation about his sexuality by going out to a nightclub last night with his boyfriend Drake LaBry. The two held hands and occasionally kissed.

• "When people saw Adam walk in all heads turned in his direction," said a source. "And it was obvious Adam was so proud to be there with Drake. So proud. As people were coming over to meet the singer Adam made a point to turn to Drake and introduce him to the crowd as his boyfriend." [Star]
• Michael Jackson told the promoter who is planning to sue him to perform in a concert with Janet Jackson and the Jackson 5 that he will do the concert in 2010. However, the promoter says he doesn't trust Jackson's word and he'll still sue unless he signs a contract. [TMZ]
• Diversity, the dance group that beat Susan Boyle, has already been booked by Kanye West to performat the Wireless Festival at London's Hyde Park in July, and it's rumored the Michael Jackson wants to work with them. [The Sun]
• Seven out of 10 Brits think Susan Boyle shouldn't have been allowed to appear on Britain's Got Talent according to a survey of 3,000 people. The article notes that she has "learning difficulties," and that people feel contestants on reality shows should undergo psychological testing before competing. [The Telegraph]
• At the trial yesterday of Tiny Virginia Makopo, the former matron of Oprah's school for girls, a teacher testified that Makopo forced one of the girls to watch pornography. [The Daily Mail]
• Here's some clips of Spencer and Heidi Pratt on the first episode of I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here complaining that they're big celebrities, and they want NBC executives to get them out of there. It's may be fake drama for the cameras. Bonus: At the end of the clip Heidi eats a rat's tail. [TMZ]
• Or maybe it's not so fake. After Spencer and Heidi Pratt quit and rejoined the show several times during the first episode, NBC flew in Daniel Baldwin to join his brother Stephen Baldwin, who is already in the jungle, and Holly Montag, Heidi's sister. [People]
• Last night Lauren Conrad's last episode of The Hills aired. She wrote on her blog: It was a bittersweet night for me. A part of me is sad to say goodbye to something that has been such a prominent part of my life, but I know that it was time and I am very happy with my decision," adding, "From what I've heard the next season will not disappoint." [Perez Hilton]
• Last night's episode of Jon and Kate Plus 8 showed Kate Gosselin celebrating her birthday with the kids while Jon Gosselin was in Utah with friends for a few days. Now a source says that his girlfriend Deanna Hummel was in Utah with him too. In other news, TLC has ordered 40 more episodes of the show and posted an ad on Craigslist looking for more families with multiples who want to appear on TLC. [The L.A. Times]
• The trophy Shawn Johnson won on Dancing With the Stars is in peices. "We had to take them to New York and they shipped them back and when they opened the box, they were in pieces," said her dancing partner Mark Ballas. "They're fixing them." [E!]
• 50 Cent said in court today that he wouldn't have bought Mike Tyson's mansion if he knew it needed millions in renovations. He's suing BVH Integrated Services, which he hired to inspect the home for him. They estimated it needed $500,000 in repairs, but so far 50 Cent has spent $6 million. [Associated Press]
• 50 Cent will star in the police corruption drama Caught in the Crossfire with Chris Klein and Adam Rodriquez. [Variety]
• After having dinner together at Tom Hanks' house, Jennifer Aniston invited Paul McCartney over to her home for lunch. [The Sun]
• Brandy has reached a settlement with the children of the woman who died in her 2006 car crash. Awatef Aboudihaj's two kids will receive $300,000 each. Her husband rejected Brandy's settlement offer in February. [TMZ]
• Though some have claimed Robert Pattinson has airbrushed-on abs in New Moon, costar Kellan Lutz says he's been training with fellow star Taylor Lautner. "Taylor been training Rob a lot, and that's why he's got such ripped abs. Rob's been working hard. He's trying to be the best he can be," says Lutz. [The Daily Express]
• Another day, another Robert Pattinson-Kristen Stewart rumor. A source says, "Robert and Kristen spent a lot of alone time together when they filmed the first Twilight movie - they'd stay up most of the night talking, laughing, playing music. Although [Robert] knew Kristen had a boyfriend, he made no secret of the fact that he was crazy about her." [Perez Hilton]
• The Real Housewives of New Jersey werer on the fourth hour of the Today show this morning. Danielle Staub alluded to the allegations that she was involved ina kidnapping and extortion plot saying, "I can just say, it's out there and it will be addressed. And I will definitely touch on all the subjects that are crucially in need of touching on at the time when the time is right." Also, Jacqueline Laurita couldn't be on the show because she's about to give birth to her third child and Teresa Giudice is pregnant. [People]
• Zac Efron will make a cameo on Entourage. Here's some scintillating gossip from the Beverly Hills Niketown where he was filming: "He was filming a scene and talking on his cell phone," says one Niketown employee. "None of the other Entourage cast was here. He was really nice." [E!]
• Rashida Jones and Obama speechwriter Jon Favreau have been seen out together many times this past week, fueling rumors that they are dating. [Politico]
• Jamie Kennedy showed up for an interview on the Johnjay & Rich radio show yesterday with girlfriend Jennifer Love Hewitt in tow and she did most of the talking. She said he'd better propose to her by next year and talked about Carrie Underwood snubbing her. You can listen to it here: [Perez Hilton]
• When talking to a gossip columnist, Vanessa Minnillo pointed to a 5-carat ring on her middle finger and said, "It will be 10 carats when it moves to the fourth finger!" as a not-so-subtle hint to Nick Lachey. [People]
• Michael Hall, husband of Michael Caine's daughter Natasha, is being sued by a former business associate who says he didn't pay him his cut of a large property deal. [The Daily Express]
• Trent Reznor says his former protégé Marilyn Manson is "a malicious guy and will step on anybody's face to succeed and cross any line of decency. Seeing him now, drugs and alcohol now rule his life and he's become a dopey clown." [Rolling Stone]
• Stephen Dorff is reportedly dating his publicist. [The Daily Express]
• Joan Rivers is selling the Upper East Side penthouse she bought 20 years ago for $25 million. You can check out pictures of her home, which looks like it was modeled after Versailles, at the link. [New York Magazine]
• Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen went out together last night to celebrate a friend's birthday. An onlooker says, "They danced non-stop with their friends and playfully took photos of each other... They loved the music the deejay was spinning." [People]
• Pink Floyd co-founder Roger Waters visited a Palestinian refugee camp next to Israel's West Bank wall today. he said he hopes that "this thing, this awful thing, is destroyed soon." [Yahoo]
• Madonna will perform in Tel Aviv on September 1 for the last stop on her Sticky and Sweet tour. Her website says she's "very excited about returning to Israel for my last and final show." [USA Today]
• It seems Morrissey has recovered from his undisclosed illness. He's rescheduled four cancelled concerts for later this summer. [The Independent]
• Exene Cervenka of the punk band X, co-lead vocalist has revealed that she has Multiple Sclerosis. "After some months of not feeling 100% healthy, I recently had some medical tests run and the prognosis is that I am suffering from Multiple Sclerosis," Cervenka said. "Apparently, it has been affecting me for quite some time." [Rolling Stone]
• Diane Kruger is considering moving to Vancouver to be closer to Joshua Jackson. "My boyfriend's show [Fringe] is being transferred there," says Kruger. "He's from there. I'm going up this weekend but to see what it's like." But, she says, "it doesn't matter where we're going to live. We have no attachments anywhere. Home is where the other person is and that's really great. I could live anywhere as long as he's there." [The Telegraph]
• When Sports Illustrated reporter Dan Patrick asked Danica Patrick about taking performance enhancing drugs, she made some innocuous joke about it not being cheating if you don't get caught. This caused a huge controversy in the racing community and now she's apologized saying, "The whole interview with Dan [Patrick], and every other interview I've ever done with Dan, the questioning comes from left field. It was just a joke and I really apologize if it came across any other way. ... It was a bad joke. There is a lot of sensitivity in our culture about [performance-enhancing drugs]. With all the baseball stuff, I've followed it and this is a real problem. It's a shame kids think they have to do this to get ahead. It's very dangerous. ... It's absolutely not what I'm about. I've learned my lesson on what I should be joking about." [Sports Illustrated]
• When asked if she loves being pregnant with twins, Molly Ringwald said, "No. I don't hate it, though. There is something wonderful about it." She added, "I find it difficult to be restricted in my movements and to feel vulnerable all the time. I am used to feeling very strong and active." [People]
• "I never hook up," says Katy Perry, "If I really like a person, then I'll go on a date. But you'll never catch me just randomly making out with someone. I'm not casual at all. I've always been into making a connection with someone. That's what it's all about for me. Besides, it's sexier to be mysterious and not give it away." [People]
• Beth Ditto of The Gossip says she's willing to start a "band feud" with Katy Perry. She explains, "['I Kissed A Girl'] is a] boner dyke anthem for straight girls who like to turn guys on by making out or, like, faking gay. I hate Katy Perry! She's offensive to gay culture, I'm so offended. She's just riding on the backs of our culture without having to pay any of the dues and not being actually lesbian or anything at all." [The Daily Express]
• Nia Vardalos says: "In 2004 I came to the end of a 10-year infertility battle that knocked me over. So I decided to just quietly withdraw and write, and I enjoyed it... Now having come through it, I highly recommend it. I think when you let go and try and stop making things happen, you come out of it quite invigorated," Vardalos told Reuters. [Reuters]
• Michael Sheen, who played Tony Blair in The Queen received an OBE from the real queen for his service to drama, even though Queen Elizabeth probably isn't familiar with his work. He said, "I heard through a fairly reliable source that there was an agreement she was not going to watch the film and Mr. Blair wasn't going to watch the film either." [The Star]

• Eric Ienco, Madonna's former house manager and cook, alleges that Madonna's kids are lucky if they get to spend a half an hour a day with her; "It's a puzzle she wants to adopt again."

• "She's hardly ever with her children. She's got two full-time nannies and one part-time nanny. So why adopt a kid if somebody else is raising them?" he said, adding, "Madonna puts herself before her kids. When she adopted little David, he arrived at her home from Africa - and three hours later, she left to do Pilates. Wouldn't you think she'd want to spend the entire day with her new son?" [The National Enquirer]
• Madonna's rep says the police didn't question her properly after she fell from a horse over the weekend in the Hamptons. Madonna claims the accident occurred when the horse was startled by the paparazzi. "Madonna was barely conscious and had fainted twice, right after the fall and when she was in the ambulance," said the rep. "She only remembers giving the police her name. They never asked her what happened. This could have been a very dangerous situation and we're just all grateful that she wasn't hurt more seriously."
  [Access Hollywood]
• Madonna's trainer, Tracy Anderson, said that even though she "fell on her bum," she'll continue working out. "She doesn't take time off," said Anderson. "I'm just going to modify [the workout] a little bit and get her moving again." [People]
• Channing Tatum says of says of his Fighting co-star Terrence Howard, "The more I hung out with Terrence, he would constantly talk about the craziest shit. Like he told me about how there's no cell that could ever hold him because he'd make acid from his urine and his feces." [Movie Line]
• Terrence Howard says he thinks the title Fighting is appropriate for the film. "This isn't necessarily about fisticuffs, it's about emotional battles that everyone goes through," he said, "Fighting, you know, is more of a synonym for the human condition." Co-star Channing Tatum wasn't as enthusiastic. "Trust me ... I gave them a thousand different other options for it," he said, like, "God, eh, ‘Last Chance,' eh, ‘Scared'…. It's about relationships," he said. "The whole movie is about relationships." [The Observer]
• Channing Tatum won't reveal details of his upcoming wedding to Jenna Dewan, but people can't help but notice her gigantic engagement ring. "Almost everybody goes, 'Oh my God, that is so big,' " said Dewan. "And I'm like, 'I know, I feel the same way.'" [People]
• The mother and stepmother of Slumdog Millionaire star Rubina Ali had a brawl in the streets of Mumbai over reports that Rubina's father was trying to sell her. Sadly, there is a video clip of the two women choking each other. [TMZ]
• Unsolicited uterus update: Jennifer Hudson's rep says she is not pregnant. [Extra]
• After a four year hiatus the VH1 Divas concert will return in September. VH1 is asking for diva suggestions. [PR Newswire]
• A Russian tabloid claims that Oksana Pochepa, one of the women claiming to be Mel Gibson's lover, is a nymphomaniac. "Sex is the most important thing for her. She had a great deal of partners, although she was not like a prostitute," a friend said. "She just loved sex. She had her first experience when she was in the ninth grade and could not stop afterwards. It was like fitness for her." [The Daily Beast]
• Former Miss USA Shanna Moakler wrote on her blog that she doesn't hate Miss California Carrie Prejean because of her anti-gay marriage remarks, "But she lost the crown because she wasn't able to convey compassion for ALL the people that as MISS USA she would be representing. and if YOU like it or not, gays and lesbians make up this country as well. THIS is why we have judges so they can find the RIGHT woman who obtains these qualities. they are crucial in my eyes when holding a honor and title as big as being Miss USA. The panel of judges was qualified and did their job, they represented all of us, men, woman, black, white, gay and straight." [Perez Hilton]
• There's a rumor going around that Cher and her daughter Chastity Bono are pitching a reality show that would follow Chastity's sex change. Cher's rep said they are not currently shopping a reality show, and that if they were it would not be about Chastity getting a sex change. [E!]
• Lakers center Andrew Bynum is denying that he took Rihanna out on her first post-Chris Brown date last weekend. [TMZ]
• Actress Natascha McElhone has pledged to continue her late husband's work with his charity Facing the World, which offers surgery to third-world children with facial disfigurements. [The Daily Express]
• Project Runway will debut on Lifetime on August 20. Also premiering that night: Models of the Runway a half-hour show about the competition among the models. [Time]
• In keeping with the title Relapse the cover of Eminem's new album is a portrait of Slim Shady sculpted with pills. [Rolling Stone]
• LeAnn Rimes says even though tabloids are reporting that she cheated on her husband, she's doing great. "It's something that I'm not going to back and forth in the press about, because it does hurt me and my loved ones, and I'm really not going to address tabloid rumors and I'm sticking to that," she said. [Yahoo]
• Jamie Foxx said he almost quit his role in The Soloist because of the mental strain. "It was something that I enjoyed, but it shredded me. I went to places that I never thought I would ever go. I just remember being in my bathroom broke down, talking to my manager like, ‘I don't know if I'll be able to finish this ... You had to lose your mind every day you're on set, and sometimes you didn't have enough time to get your mind back before the weekend." [Bossip]
• The jurors for the Tribeca Film festival have been announced, and they are a diverse bunch. For instance, the Narrative Short jurors are Thomas Haden Church, James Franco, Mary Harron, Debra Messing and Mary-Kate Olsen, which The Times points out is "the entire leading cast of Ned and Stacy and about half the cast of Spider-Man 3." [NY Times]
• Jade Goody's mother, Jackiey Budden, says while she was dying of cervical cancer Jade asked her to smother her. "If she was on a machine we'd have to turn it off, but when you've got cancer you don't have a machine. She wanted me to put a pillow over her head," said her mom. "I really didn't want to see her go that way." [The Star]
• Whoopi Goldberg says friend Patrick Swayze is keeping busy as he fights pancreatic cancer. "He's kicking butt," said Goldberg. "And, you know, he's sick. And he, like the rest of us, doesn't know when it's going to happen — because it will happen, that he is going to go — but he doesn't know when or where. ... His attitude is, why wait for it to happen? So he's busy as hell."[UPI]
• Uma Thurman is supposedly planning to marry her fiance, Arpad Busson, on Saturday. [The Sun]
• Billy Bob Thornton says of his new action film Eagle Eye, "Every now and then you have to do a big action movie, so you can pay for the house. And you have to pick a good one, because most of them are just crap. And this one is really good." [The L.A. Times]
• Michelle Rodriguez went to the Dominican Republic last weekend to be a bridesmaid in her friends wedding. She reportedly pushed clothed guests in the pool, and at the bachelorette party she called the male stripper "fat" then said, "This is the kind of thing that brings out the bisexual in me." [Perez Hilton]
• On April 17 Dave Grohl and wife Jordyn Blum welcomed their second daughter, named Harper Willow Grohl. [People]
• Dawne Wilson, who allegedly threatened to kill Tyler Perry in an email, has been charged with felony aggravated stalking. [TMZ]
• After returning from a weekend trip to Las Vegas, Lindsay Lohan went clubbing in Hollywood last night with a male friend. [Perez Hilton]
• Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag will be holding the rehearsal dinner before their wedding this weekend at Wolfgang Puck's Beverly Hills restaurant Cut if you care. [People]
• Noel Gallagher says Oasis may be taking a five year hiatus from recording and touring. [NY Magazine]
• In an interview Paula Abdul called Simon Cowell a "masterful bully" and said she almost quit seven times during the first season because she, "couldn't believe that someone was actually getting away with crushing fragile kids. This happens behind your back, not in front of your face ... And when someone attacks you with criticism that isn't constructive, sometimes it's hard to take. [ABC News]
• In her new book, Tori Spelling talks about worrying that her son Liam had a big nose after seeing the ultrasound. She says: "I did speculate about that because when I saw the sonogram, all I could think about was, 'Oh my God, does his nose look large?' Obviously, that comes from what I experienced myself growing up. But when you get your sonogram, it's the last few months of the pregnancy and your kid is running out of room in there-they're all squashed up. So the features are greatly exaggerated. But I didn't know that then. They look a bit scary. So I just put the question out there-is that reaction a characteristic of someone living in Hollywood? Or do moms everywhere think the same thing? Do they all worry about what their kids will look like? I think they do." [The Daily Beast]

They go from sounding totally legit — smart girls who happen to have made a lot of money — to completely incomprehensible. Case in point? Of the Elizabeth and James aesthetic, Mary-Kate says, "We dress a certain way, we buy a lot of vintage clothing. I've always been fascinated by furniture and clothes from a different time. You can change anything by the way you dress, by the way you put it together. It's almost like creating a little fantasy world for yourself, which is how I kind of look at fashion and most of the things I do." A fairly good answer, when it comes to designers explaining why they do what they do. And yet, Ashley says of the line's name, which coincidentally is composed of the twins' siblings names: "We wanted to pick a male name and a female name. I remember saying Elizabeth and James, and being like, 'Oh, my gosh, that's our brother and sister!'" What. The. Fuck?

And yeah, it's a little weird that their major accomplishment was sharing the role of Michelle Tanner — but they feel the same way! Points for them, as Mary-Kate says, "The audience from Full House is still around, from kids who are just starting to watch it to grandparents who grew up with it... I'm still amazed how much it has aired and who our audience is, because it's everyone." But, hmm, minus points, girls, for statements like this, about why you went to college: Mary-Kate: "I wanted to go to school to perfect a passion for interests." We're not even sure what that sentence means. Seriously.

But we continue to watch and listen! Because whether these girls are being surprisingly astute or sounding a little coked-out, we can't help hanging on their every word. Sigh.

Act 2 for the Olsen Twins [USA Today]

[Los Angeles, CA; August 11. Image via Splash.]

• Happy 21st birthday Mary Kate and Ashley! Yup, as of today, the Olsen twins are legally able to imbibe both Red Bull and vodka. Now go throw up an extra-special birthday dinner girls — you deserve it! [Olsen Twins 21st Birthday Countdown]
  
• Everyone — rulers out! A new study says that math skills can be determined by the ratio of the ring finger to index finger. We tried to calculate our own ratio, but... we're so bad at math we couldn't. [ScienceNow]
  
• Random public service announcement: Grapes and raisins cause kidney failure in dogs. And yes, we checked. [TheKnot.com]
  
• Sir Tim Berners-Lee, the inventor of the Internet, was given England's highest honor, the Order of Merit, by Queen Elizabeth today. Wait a second. Rewind. Didn't Al Gore invent the Internet??? [BBC]
  
• While touring Australia, the Dalai Lama met with Bindi Irwin, the 9-year old daughter of the late Steve "The Crocodile Hunter" Irwin. What, is an audience with The Pope next? [CNN]
  
• Don "Mr. Wizard" Herbert died last night at the age of 89. We learned more about science from him during our television-viewing days during the mid-80's than we ever did in school. [CNN]

• We may not know much about science, but we do know that fossils are cool. [NYT]
• K-Fed's rep denies that the ex-Mr. Spears has impregnated the woman he left for Britney, Shar Jackson, yet again. [E!]
• Jake Gyllenhaal? On Broadway? This fall? The gays will go crazy! [People.com]
• Two U.S. casulaties identified today. [DoD]

[CFDA Awards, New York, NY; June 4. Images via Getty]