• David and Victoria Beckham were in a car crash Friday in France. David was driving his BMW to the Nice airport when he lost control and crashed into a wall. No kids were in the car; Posh was the only passenger. The vehicle had a smashed windshield and damage on the passenger side, but everyone was OK. Bex had to catch his plane (to appear in the Olympic closing ceremonies) so he left poor Vicky with the car… [Perez Hilton]
• Playdate! Kingston Rossdale and the Spears brothers! Britney entertained the three boys while Gwen and Gavin have their hands full with a new baby at home. It says a lot about Brit's progress that people will leave their kids with her, huh? And look, only two nannies in the accompanying picture. [Daily Mail]
• Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie can claim £1,400 a month in child benefits after registering France as their home. Not that they will claim the money. Because they are perfect. [The Sun]
• Lance Bass helped Christina Applegate recover from her double mastectomy. "I was at the hospital holding her hand and getting her through it," he says. "She is a very, very loved person. She's a big crossword puzzle girl. That kept her busy. In her hours of recovery, she's made all these roses out of lace. She has hundreds and hundreds of these amazing different roses. She doesn't know what she's going to do with them." [People]

• Apparently the trailer for Keira Knightley's new film, The Duchess, has shots of Princess Diana intercut in it, with the words "The two were related by ancestry and united by destiny… History repeats itself." Except Keira's flick is about Georgiana, Duchess of Devonshire. Who did not die in a car crash. [Telegraph]
• Madonna and Guy renewed their vows in a private Kabbalah ceremony in London. A-Rod, shmay-rod! [Daily Mail]
• Madonna's Sticky & Sweet tour kicked off over the weekend! [The Sun]
• Madge has $1 million worth of Swarovski crystals on her costumes! [Mirror]
• Her show was "epic" and featured a video appearance by Britney Spears, as well as virtual appearances by Kanye West and Pharrell Williams. [Mirror]
• Madonna's workouts to get in shape for her tour have paid off. Hubby Guy Rithie says: "Her legs are Olympic standard. She is in amazing shape. You won’t find a fitter bird than her. Her legs are so toned. She’s fitter than dancers on her tour who are half her age." [The Sun]
• Madonna's tour includes negative images of destruction: global warming, Hitler, Mugabe and Senator John McCain. Then! Positive images! John Lennon, Al Gore, Mahatma Gandhi and Barack Obama! [AP]
• Um, the McCain camp is not happy about Madonna's tour images. "The comparisons are outrageous, unacceptable and crudely divisive all at the same time." [Yahoo News]
• Is Madonna sparking a stocking trend with her 100 pairs of fishnets? [The Sun]
• Four relatives of Helena Bonham Carter were killed in a minibus crash while of a safari holiday in South Africa last week. [Times of London]
• Amanda Bynes was in a minor car accident Saturday afternoon in L.A. She made an unsafe turn and another car hit her. No serious damage, no drugs or alcohol. [People]
• Jet-setting billionaire Charles Simonyi is engaged to a Swedish woman named Lisa Persdotter, which is weird because Martha Stewart has often referred to him as "my boyfriend." [ONTD]
• Chris Kattan filed for legal separation from his wife, Sunshine Tutt, citing irreconcilable differences.The couple were engaged for 18 months and married for less than 2 months. Sigh, WWMD? (What Would Mango Do?) [Yahoo News via E!]
• John Mayer paparazzi shots aren't worth very much now that he's not with Jennifer Aniston. [MSNBC]
• Barenaked Ladies frontman Ed Robertson and three other people are "very lucky" to have survived a plane crash yesterday. The float-plane went down in the trees in Bancroft, Ontario, Canada. [Toronto Sun]
• Kim Kardashian cut her foot in her hotel room Sunday night. A source says there was so much blood, it looked like a murder scene. She sliced her foot open on a glass coffee table — right before she's supposed to start Dancing With The Stars! [ONTD]
• George Michael's final farewell concert was in London over the weekend. "It's great to be home," he said. (I won't let you down. I will not give you up. Gotta have some faith in the sound… It's the one good thing that I've got.) [Telegraph]
• There was a beachside premiere party for 90210 over the weekend, with Shannen Doherty and Jennie Garth in attendance. [AP]
• Boy jeans: Now seen on Jennifer Aniston. Katie Holmes, what hath thou wrought? [Daily Mail]
• Drew Barrymore: seen singing "I Will Survive" at a karaoke joint in Detroit with Whip It co-stars Juliette Lewis and Ellen Page. It's okay, you'll find better than the Mac dude! [Mirror]
• Sienna Miller and Balthazar Getty went house shopping in Malibu! The "love nest" they checked out was priced at £11million. Guess that's what Getty oil money will get you. [Mirror]
• Snoop Dogg has been granted a visa to perform in Australia, despite his long list of drugs, firearms and weapons charges. You can't hold back the dee oh double gee! [News.com.au]
• Paula Abdul has undergone neck surgery to repair an old cheerleading injury. She's supposedly been in a lot of pain since um, 1987, which maybe made her take pain pills, which maybe made her loopy. [Perez Hilton]
• TV chef Jamie Oliver was talking about free range chickens and gassing chicks when he some kind of Holocaust joke about the Germans, whoops. [The Star]
• Adrian Grenier: Dating an Aussie "weather girl"? [News.com.au]
• Blind item! "Which newly single TV personality tried out his sonorous baritone on young co-eds while vacationing in Mexico? 'He was bouncing between college girls like a pinball,' says our spy. 'His son was there, and it was embarrassing to watch.' Even worse, we hear there were no takers." [Rush & Molloy]
• Mary J. Blige and Robin Thicke will tour together in North America this fall. Will they sing together? A duet could be hot! [Reuters]
• When Alanis Morissette was 15 years old, she opened for Vanilla Ice on tour: "I was instructed not to look him in the eye and that was my first experience of honouring someone’s privacy to the point where you look away when they come near you. I thought, 'Wow, I didn’t think that actually existed!'" [Daily Express]
• Ed McMahon has found someone to buy his home and it's not Donald Trump. [Yahoo News]
• If you like Lil Wayne, Birdman or the Hot Boys, you'll love Cash Money Mobile, the new phone service that delivers ringtones, graphics, videoclips, text alerts and other crap right to your phone. A milli, a milli, a milli. [Reuters]
• Bobby Brown is being sued for failing to pay the legal bills for his divorce from Whitney Houston. He still owes almost $100,000 — can he get if from that country show? [Mirror]
• Tennis star James Blake talks about going to high school with John Mayer: "Just about every day he was at my house, and we'd play Nintendo games… I was about five feet tall wearing a back brace [due to scoliosis]… I don't think either one of us was doing that great [with the ladies] in high school – John was still kind of fitting into a niche ... He's more than made up for himself with how he's done since then." [People]
• Christopher Plummer recalls that hilarious time he thought he had syphilis and William Shatner took his role in Henry V. [Page Six]
• It's been twenty years since N.W.A.'s Straight Outta Compton. Ice Cube says: "It was what we saw all around us in Los Angeles. Gangsta to us didn't have anything to do with Al Capone and stuff like that. It's just about living your life the way you want to live it. And you're not going to let nothing stop you." [USA Today]
• A Serbian village unveiled what it says is Europe's first statue to late Jamaican reggae star Bob Marley on Saturday. Apparently the war-torn region prefers role models of peace. [Yahoo News]
• There's an excerpt from Faith Evans' book, and it details the night when she caught Lil' Kim in Biggie's bed. "As soon as I saw a small lump next to Big’s large frame, I flew into a rage, ran over to the side of the bed, and pulled back the covers. I grabbed some chick our of the bed and started beating her ass. At some point, the chick’s wig came off in my hand; It was a short, cropped wig. I stopped throwing punches for a minute to get a good look at the chick I was beating up. It was Lil Kim. She was completely butt-naked, yelling as I pushed her around the room…" [The.Life Files, Gawker]
• "Growing up, there’s a lot of pressure on young women, when you first become aware of your own looks in relation to other women’s looks. You just want to be cookie-cutter beautiful. And sometimes you think, 'Maybe I could change something about myself to fit that mould.' I’m no exception to that. When I was growing up I wanted a nose job because I didn’t think my nose was good. Your face needs to have character if you’re going to be an actor or you’re just kind of a face. You’re not really a person or a personality." — Anne Hathaway. [Daily Express]
• "Making clothes together in our studio makes us feel complete. We probably sound like a group of grannies in a knitting circle but it's the truth and it gives us some control over our visual identity." — Coldplay's Chris Martin. [Mirror]
• "I wrote that song as a stalker. It was raining, and I was sitting there in front of the house, watching her come home from a date after we were divorced. I was imagining what she did on this date, and watching her giving him a kiss. I went home and wrote this song." — Terrence Howard, on the "No. 1 Fan" from his new album. [E!]

[Saint Paul de Vence, France; August 18. Image via Bauer-Griffin]

[St. Tropez, August 17. Image via INF]

• Apparently the DEA's massive investigation into Heath Ledger's death is unprecedented. Is this case "special" because of Heath's fame? [TMZ]
• The case is now closed, with Mary-Kate Olsen off the hook. [TMZ, Reuters, USA Today, People]
• Morgan Freeman, 71, is still in the hospital after his car wreck a week ago, and, as has been previously reported, has announced he's divorcing his wife of 24 years. They've been separated since December and have no kids. The woman in the car accident was Demaris Meyer, 48, a "friend." [Page Six]
• George Clooney is on vacation with Cindy Crawford, her husband and kids. They're all on a boat in the Mediterranean and I'm not. [People]

• The body of a woman — who had been missing since attending Lil' Kim's birthday party on Sunday night — was found yesterday in a closet on the roof of the party location, a New York club called Spotlight Live. [TMZ]
• Nicole Kidman says baby Sunday "looks like Keith." Hopefully the kid doesn't have the frosted, flat-ironed hair, though. Or stubble. [People]
• Oh. Sunday's hair has a "reddish tinge." [News.com.au]
• Star mag reported that Shia LaBeouf is in danger having his pinky finger amputated; apparently it is a "completely fabricated story." [E!]
• Despite previous reports, Britney Spears will not, repeat, NOT, be playing a killer lesbian stripper in Quentin Tarantino's remake of Faster Pussycat! Kill! Kill!. Damn. [PopDirt]
• Some spin control re: Sienna Miller and Balthazar Getty: When they met he was already separated from his wife; his mother likes Sienna; he sees his kids but is not trying to get back with his wife. As for Sienna, a source says, "There's no way she would ever get involved with another married man after Jude Law." Sigh. [The Sun]
• A "spurned mistress" who recalls the day she realized her lover would never leave his wife says, "I know how Sienna feels." [Daily Mail]
• Neil Patrick Harris on Anderson Cooper: "He's dreamy. Just dreamy." Anderson Cooper: "I'll have to start watching Neil's show." Hee! [Janet Charlton's Hollywood]
• Beverly Johnson, the world's first black supermodel, is going on Tyra's talk show to discuss the modeling industry, race, age and weight. More black models in the spotlight! Please. [Page Six]
• Here's how you know it's a slow gossip day: Lily Allen yawned in front of her grandpa. And it's news. [The Sun]
• Jenna Jameson: Using lip collagen while pregnant. Not a good idea. [Awful Plastic Surgery]
• Martin Bashir, the dude who interviewed Michael Jackson and Princes Di, went to the Asian American Journalists Association convention last month. In his keynote speech Bashir said, "I'm happy to be in the midst of so many Asian babes. In fact, I'm happy that the podium covers me from the waist down." He was booed. [Rush & Molloy]
• Seth Rogen says Pineapple Express is not a pot movie. "I think this is just a movie about guys who smoke weed." [Rush & Molloy]
• Peter Berg was a passenger in a Cadillac back in 2006 when the car allegedly hit a golf cart. The driver of the golf cart was killed; Berg is now being sued. Berg is an actor-turned-director whom you may have seen in Alias, Chicago Hope or Smokin' Aces. [TMZ]
• Usher's mom is once again his manager. Lackluster album sales could be the reason he dumped famed manager Benny Medina. Then again, do people buy records anymore? [People]
• Kate Moss swapped lives for a day with her daughter's nanny, as a gift for the nanny's 60th birthday. The nanny had a champagne breakfast, was taken out on a yacht and "lavished with gifts." By the by, the nanny — Mary Davidson — is Sadie Frost's mom. [The Sun]
• Did Paris Hilton memorize her lines for that FunnyOrDie video? Some say cue cards were not used; a source says "She couldn’t recite her address without a Teleprompter." [MSNBC]
• John Mayer made an onstage joke about "dream cheating," in which you make out with someone who is not your girlfriend in your dreams. Jennifer Aniston: Not amused. [MSNBC]
• Word is it takes $10,000 a month to look as good as Jennifer Aniston does. [The Sun]
• Joss Stone headbutted her brother in church. A baptism turned into a brawl when Joss was 30 minutes late. Jesus! [Mirror]
• A judge has dismissed a woman's wrongful termination claims against Bob Barker, former host of Price Is Right. This could be the moment for a "Price is wrong, bitch" joke but probably not. [Reuters]
• In a survey of 1,000 Londoners, 48% said they're sick of hearing news about Amy Winehouse. It would be awesome to hear that she's pulled it together, though. [Perez Hilton]
• Lisa Marie, Tim Burton's ex-fiancée, was suing the director, claiming he offered her cash to walk away from their relationship. The California Court of Appeal has dismissed the case. [TMZ]
• Speaking of Tim Burton, Johnny Depp has been cast as the Mad Hatter in Burton's version of Alice In Wonderland. [ONTD]
• A California hip-hop label is suing Mary J. Blige and her producer for stealing tunes. No more drama! [NY Post]
• Betty White explains why she and the other Golden Girls didn't go to Estelle Getty's funeral: "We were with Estelle when it mattered. Paul, her wonderful caretaker, knew I wasn't going to her funeral. Funerals are about [journalism]… who was there and who wasn't? That's not about Estelle. We adored her. To tell you the truth, her passing is tough on us, but it's a blessing for her. She's been so ill for so long, she's in a better place now, wherever she is." [ET]
• "I'm such a work in progress at the moment, it's crazy, and life wants me on edge, I swear to you. But as long as I don't forget the past, I'm cool. One must always be mindful, just like you might forget that old girlfriend who tried to slit your throat, but she's really still hot. If you remember the stitches more than you remember the pussy, you're going to be just fine." — Robert Downey Jr. in Rolling Stone. [E!]

[New York, July 1. Image via Splash.]

[New York, June 16. Image via Splash.]

• John Mayer and Jennifer Aniston spent the weekend in Mexico and you didn't. (PS: They stayed at Casa Aramara, the sprawling home owned by Girls Gone Wild dude Joe Francis.) [People]
• Jen and John are already back in L.A. [E!]
• Amy Winehouse fainted yesterday and was taken to the hospital "as a precaution." Her dad says "she's fine." [People]
• Um, E! is saying that Heidi Klum's new tattoo says "Seal." Can't see it. At all. [E!]
• Lindsay Lohan's been on the set of Labor Pains for a week and so far, so good.
  A producer says: "We were a little bit reluctant to work with her, but she's been amazing." The girl has gotten it together. [People]
• Oh, and LL did not submit herself for an Emmy — but Britney Spears, Miley Cyrus and Mary-Kate Olsen are in the race. [L.A. Times]

• Mary-Kate and Ashley spent their 22nd birthday in Manchester, Tennessee. They went to a honky tonk bar, hung out with Josh Groban and attended a My Morning Jacket concert. The next day, they went to the Bonnaroo Music Festival and danced while Pearl Jam played. [People]
• Denise Richards' reality show may not be based in reality, surprise, surprise. [Page Six]
• Gossip Girl star Chace Crawford says filming in the Hamptons means "beach scandal" and "OMG moments for sure." [People]
• Paris Hilton was on her way to a photo shoot over the weekend and stopped at a pet store because she "wanted a puppy in the picture with her so it would look cuter." Ugh. But! Employees blocked the heiress from purchasing a pup, stating that it was clearly an impulse buy. Hilton threw a fit. Peeps who work at that store, you are heroes. [Page Six]
• Mary J. Blige was at the Diane von Furstenberg store when she heard a girl having a problem at the register. The young woman had a dress on hold, but she thought it was $500, not $900. Mary paid for the balance on the dress, saying, "I know what it's like to want something and not be able to have it." Sigh. I love Mary. [Page Six]
• Jay-Z had dinner with New York's Governor, David Patterson. [Page Six]
• Arianna Huffington wasn't really a fan of Tim Russert. [Rush & Molloy]
• The wake for Tim Russert will be held today, MSNBC will broadcast a public memorial service on Wednesday. [ET]
• Brian Williams was supposed to host the Peabody awards but declined because he was grieving Tim Russert. [ET]
• Producers asked The Vatican if they could film the Da Vinci Code sequel there; The Vatican was like, hell no. [Best Week Ever]
• Liza Minnelli wants to be in the Arrested Development movie! [Rush & Molloy]
• Britney's dad has filed papers accounting for all the work he does: Running errands, buying groceries, paying her bills, managing her medical care and "cooking supper on a regular basis." He earns $2500 a week, but you can't put a price on the turn around that girl has made. [TMZ]
• The photog who claims Britney ran over his foot will have to live with the pain. [Reuters]
• Britney wants to move to the valley. [TMZ]
• Playboy Mansion denizens Kendra and Holly have been fighting. Hef! Break it up! [TMZ]
• David Duchovny is moving to the East Coast. First he has to sell his house, which, while not damaged by the Malibu fires, is in the evacuation zone. [L.A. Times]
• Javon Walker of the Oakland Raiders was found unconscious in Vegas with a busted eye socket. He's recovering in the hospital, but someone partied too hard, hmm? UPDATE: It appears to be the result of a robbery! [TMZ]
• Martha Stewart says Paul Newman looked a little thinner but was doing fine when she saw him recently. [ET]
• Are Megan Fox and Brian Austin Green no longer engaged? [Mirror]
• Naomi Campbell! Snogging a new dude! A Brazillian businessman! [The Sun]
• Scott Baio's baby had a health scare. [People]
• Taylor Dayne pleaded no contest to one count of reckless driving in connection with her DUI bust. She's sentenced to two years of probation and must complete a Mothers Against Drunk Driving program. [E!]
• "It's not for me to tell anybody or to pretend to have insights beyond what I absolutely know, but my instincts are that the idea Heath was disturbed by playing The Joker is ridiculous. Heath was somebody who, like myself, acted for that immersion in a character. It's not an unusual thing. And from working with him and knowing him, I don't think that was unusual for him at all." —Christian Bale, dismissing speculation that playing The Joker distressed Heath Ledger. [E!]
• Topless models abound in the new W magazine. [ONTD]
• Speaking of which, does Marissa Miller have implants? [Awful Plastic Surgery]
• "The other day, a girl on my plane was pulling my hair. She was like, 'I just want to check if ...' This is all my hair, by the way. I did not have extensions." — Gisele Bundchen. [Rush & Molloy]

[London, June 4. Image via INFDaily.]

The Good
I love Joely Richardson in this Beetlejuice-esque number.


This is supposedly Julia Restoin-Roitfeld but she looks different here, right? Whoever it is, she looks stunning.



If I had gams like Lily Donaldson, I'd sleep in this dress.


Dear Madonna, I dare you to be my BFF and give me all your hand-me-downs. (Truth: she wouldn't give me the time of day.)



Mary J. Blige can do no wrong and if you disagree with me, I will cut you.



Margharita Missoni has a great name, a great fortune, and a great dress.



Natalia gets my vote for best dress. She looks like the Chrysler building. That's a good thing!


Petra looks flawless. She was smart not to wear a necklace and direct all eye-contact to her boobs. Thank you pretty lady.


And last but not least, enter my new obsession: this couple. Sam Riley played Ian Curtis in that movie Control (which gave me like, 69 orgasms), and his girlfriend Alexandra Maria Lara was in the movie as well.




The Bad
Amira Casar, aka Frumpy Cold Medina.


Natalie Portman? More like Gnar Gnar Binks.


I love me a Juliette Lewis, but she's working a Miss Hannigan look here. I also love me a Miss Hannigan but that's beside the point.


Cecile Cassel . The hipster headband is soooo yesterday.


Natasha Poly is wearing a dress that's giving me an MC Escher vibe


Zhang Ziyi, step it up for crying out loud! "This isn't a dinner party, honey." (Name that movie)




The Ugly
Rose McGowan is wearing all the Mood leftovers that the Project Runway contestants ended up not using.


Tamara Beckwith looks like every girl who tried to beat me up in high school. In other words, she looks like an asshole from Long Island.


What happens in Vegas is incidentally what also happens to Sharon Stone when she dresses like a cougar.


Samantha Morton. Don't get me wrong, I love a good garbage bag; they're useful and what not! I just wouldn't attach sheer sleeves to mine and wear it a fancy party is all.


Orange you glad I couldn't think of anything better to write for Judith Godreche's big ugly dress?


I find it hard to believe that Milla Jovovitch thinks she looks good in this truly mediocre outfit. Plus, only 7 year olds and most of my friends can get away with wearing their hair like that.


Is it just me, or don't you think it's a little weird how Denise Rich tried this on and was like "This is it! Look out amFAR's here I come!"

[Images via Getty]

Bauer-Griffin]

[New York, May 8; image via INFdaily.com.]

The Bad:
The feathers! The gloves! Serena would not approve, Blake Lively.
Yes, the dress is nice enough. But I just can't take seeing Beyonce in one more "Beyonce" dress. Does the girl know no other silhouettes?!
Why must you hurt your boobies and toes, Eva Amurri???
Too much and not in a good way, Longoria.
Apologies to Eva Mendes but I just hate that color.
I think Gisele looks a little more trashy than classy.
Could Ivanka Trump wear anything more boring? Make an effort, lady.
I want to love Jennifer Connolly's dress. But I can't.
Ack! Leaping diagonal tiers, Jennifer Lopez!
Kristin Davis is all washed out.
Liv Tyler is wearing a lurex garbage bag toga.
Why does Mary J. Blige look sorta rumpled?
I love classic black dresses, but Sarah Michelle Gellar is wearing the wrong look for this occasion.
Sarah Silverman looks like a cracked-out Amy Winehouse. Oh. Wait. Nevermind.
Thandie Newton would look great if only she ditched the duster.
Dylan Lauren is rocking the Del Boca Vista aesthetic.
Something about this dress makes Julia Roberts look matronly.
I don't know who Alice Braga is, but her dress is a little mother-of-the-bride.
Too much pink, Lara Spencer.
Piper Perabo? Or a lost little alien?
Tamara Mellon looks a little Vegas, if ya know what I mean.
I don't want to see Donna Karan's side-boob ever again.
Is Helena Christensen wearing some suburban teen's prom dress?
Good effort, Kate Bosworth, but... no.

[Images via Getty.]

Click on thumbnails to view clips:

Jezebel Crashes The Tyra Show's Vaginas Episode
Three Jezebel editors (Moe, Jennifer and I) tried to go see Tyra's interview with Barack Obama, but instead we ended up as part of the studio audience for her "Vagina Dialogues" episode, in which we watched a woman use a vagina puppet to explain that we have two holes down there! Who knew?

103-Year-Old Woman Tugs At Tyra's Weave
Hands down, my absolute favorite episode of Tyra, if only because one of the old ladies, a Holocaust survivor, tells Tyra that she's never seen anything like, well, Tyra. But it's also great because Tyra fiercely models an afghan one of the women gave her.

Mary J. Blige Dishes On PMS, Brazilian Waxes, & Her Mile High Club Membership On Tyra
This was a great interview, not so much because of TB, but because of how awesome Mary is.

Tyra's "Bodyville" Is More Like "Camel Toe City"
Tyra's "social experiment" about body image was a big, fat mess.

Who's More Sane: Tyra Banks Or Janet Jackson?
Tyra talked about Janet's big ass, danced like a maniac, and manhandled the pop star.

Tyra: "Chinese Face, No S-E-X Talk"
Best mother-daughter sex talk evs.

• Cameron Diaz and Gerard Butler: Three dates in ten days. Touchy-feely everywhere. It's like, so on. Yeah, this is the kind of news that makes us ache inside. You, too? [Mirror]
  
• Neither Beyoncé nor Jay-Z have confirmed that they were married. But on stage in North Carolina on Saturday, Mary J. Blige (who is on tour with Jay) shouted "Congratulations to my man, Jay-Z, and my girl B," during the show. If Mary says it, you gotta believe! [People]
  
• Oooh, apparently guests at the Z-Knowles wedding were asked to leave all cell phones, cameras and guns at home and were frisked at the door — yet three guns were left in an "amnesty box" outside Jay-Z's apartment. Dangerously in love! [Mirror]
  
• Pregnant Jamie Lynn Spears spent her 17th birthday eating at Ruby Tuesday and shopping at Wal-Mart with her fiancé. [People]
  
• "I work with underprivileged girls, mostly minorities, who hate themselves because they don't look like Lauren Conrad. Who the fuck wants to look like the girls on The Hills? They're complete nitwits. Success is about more than acquiring a Hermes bag." — Stacy London of What Not To Wear. [Rush & Molloy]

• Click here to see what Scarlett Johansson's album cover looks like. (She's lying on some ferns inside of a stump or something, but it looks prettier than it sounds.) [People]
• Jessica Alba had a baby shower on Sunday; Rashida Jones, Jaime King and Kim Kardashian were in attendance. The menu featured chicken, tiger shrimp, dark chocolate-dipped strawberries and cupcakes. Jess received strollers, cradles, Dr. Seuss books, rattles and clothes. Yawn. [E!]
• Lily Allen and Kelly Osbourne turned up at the same event wearing the same Vivienne Westwood dress. Horrors! [Mirror]
• Madonna will adopt a kid from India after she finishes promoting her new album. Namaste! [The Sun]
• Um, unless, as this paper says, David Banda is the last child she ever adopts. [The Sun]
• Thandie Newton is going to play Condi Rice in Oliver Stone's new movie??? Love her, but she doesn't look like the Secretary of State. Then again, Josh Brolin doesn't look like W, so. Sigh. [LA Times]
• Nicky Hilton, who is dating Mary-Kate Olsen's ex, David Katzenberg, is becoming good friends with The Hills' Whitney Port, who is dating Ashley Olsen's ex, Matt Kaplan. Are you keeping up? Think of it this way: Hollywood is one giant bacteria swap. [Page Six]
• Dane Cook's neighbors hate him because he doesn't pick up after his dog. Gross. [Page Six]
• Paul McCartney and Heather Mills' daughter Beatrice was seen shopping with her nanny, picking out her own clothes without her parents there, poor thing. She is 4. [Page Six]
• Meanwhile, Sir Paul has praised ex-wife Linda (and taken a swipe at Heather) by noting that Linda (who died in 1998) "didn't go on TV and say, 'This is who I am - hello' and try to ingratiate herself. Her priorities were private rather than public." [Mirror]
• Oh, and Paul's new girlfriend, "millionairess" Nancy Shevell, seems kind of great. [Daily Mail]
• Unfinished Kelly Clarkson tracks have leaked on to the Internet. That "sucks," says Kelly Clarkson. [Reuters]
• As previously reported, there's an X-rated blow-up doll based on Sarah Jessica Parker and Sex And The City. Will there also be a lawsuit? [UPI]
• Porn star Mary Carey announced "I'm 37 days sober!" at a NYC restaurant last week, then had a glass of wine. [Gatecrasher]
• Jessica Simpson is "shaving" on the new cover of Esquire. [Gatecrasher]
• Ashlee Simpson's album will be released almost at the same time as Mariah Carey's. Doesn't look good for Ash. [MSNBC]
• Did Mariah lipsync on a UK TV show? [Perez Hilton]
• Dina Lohan is "worried" about tabloid attention on daughter Ali, who stars in Dina's upcoming reality show. "It's scary because I did it with Lindsay and got her to the level of success that she is at and with the tabloids ... so with Ali now it's scary ... they are already making things up about her," Dina says. Thrusting her into the spotlight will certainly solve the problem! [UPI]
• Blind item! "Which Disney youth act's gay stylist had the suits in a dither because he insisted on dressing the boys in the tightest possible clothes? The execs had to back down when the "beyond metrosexual" look was a smash with their target 'tween audience." [Gatecrasher]
• George Clooney received an anonymous voice mail from a man telling him to ditch girlfriend Sarah Larson. The man said, "Dude, your friends asked me to give you a message: Dump the bitch before you're sorry!" Clooney had the call traced to a pre-paid cell phone but still doesn't know who left the message. Maybe the person who "writes" IDontlikeYouInThatWay? [TMZ]
• Photo agency x17 has apologized to Tony Parker and Eva Longoria for posting the claims of model Alexandra Paressant, who said that she'd had an affair with Tony after he married Eva. Tony had never even met Paressant. Friday the agency said: X17online.com and X17 Inc. regret having been misled by Ms. Paressant and her representatives and apologize to Mr. Parker for any damage or inconvenience this may have caused him or his wife." [TMZ]
• The reason Naomi Campbell had a hissy fit on a British Airways flight? When they lost her luggage, she reportedly said, "I must have the clothing that is in the suitcase because it is a brand that I have got to wear otherwise I don't get paid." [Mirror]
• Dancing With The Stars champ Cheryl Burke has opened her own dance studio in San Francisco. [ET]
• Jennie Garth might make a cameo appearance in the pilot of the 90210 spinoff! [LA Times]
• Rickrolling has actually spurred sales of Rick Astley songs. Amazing. [Reuters]
• Colin Farrell toured Bosnia in preparation for a new film. ""I felt sick," he says. "It is hard to describe how obviously the air and the land has been poisoned by the act of killing 8,000 people in the space of a day. But you really do get the sense of the pain and the loss and I am sad, I really am sad." [Reuters]
• 21 was number one at the box office again, beating George Clooney's Leatherheads. [E!]
• Charlton Heston is dead. [People]

• Luke Wilson is "designing" a line of golf products and accessories for Puma. Ah, the insatiable American hunger for the consumption of stuff and celebrity! Or the perception of the insatiability, or whatever. [WWD, sub req'd]
  
• Speaking of! Rod Stewart is launching a clothing line. [Guardian]
  
• Donna Karan is doing Passover with Demi and Ashton in Miami. [Fashion Week Daily]
  
• Really, how much longer can Christian Siriano hold congratulatory celebrations for himself? [Fashion Week Daily]
  
• Elle Macpherson is the latest face of Revlon. [WWD, sub req'd]

• English girl designers Georgina Chapman and Keren Craig are adding a bridal collection for their label, Marchesa, to debut next month. Chapman made herself not one but two wedding dresses for her recent nuptials to Harvey Weinstein, so she's totally qualified, btw. [WWD, 1st item]
• Marc Jacobs is already fighting with his new boyfriend, Austin A. Also: partying in sweatpants and wife-beaters.[Page Six]
• Mary J. Blige is taking sellers of knockoff Mary J. Blige concert tees to court. [Page Six]
• George Clooney may not be doing his own clothing line, but he does wear Belstaff in his upcoming film Leatherheads and the Italian label is sponsoring the film's European premiere. [Vogue UK]
• Steve McQueen also did not do his own clothing line. Though we think the fact that he's dead should have been evidence enough. [Reuters]
• Israeli fashion is apparently on the rise. I am going to be polite here and pretend like the words "Israeli style" don't actually evoke any sort of mental image for me because I love my people. But. [WWD, sub req'd]
• Jean-Paul Gaultier: Dressing Kylie Minogue for her upcoming tour. [WWD, 3rd item]
• Azzedine Alaia just received a French Legion of Honor. Who? What? [WWD, 1st item]
• Tom Ford has designs on Japan. [WWD, sub req'd]
• Stella McCartney is heading to India. [WWD, sub req'd]
• Agyness Deyn continues to find work. [The Sun UK]
• Drinking this water will apparently magically protect your skin from UV rays; LOL. [Chic Report]
• O.C. alum Samaire Armstrong: has a clothing line too. [Sassybella]
• How to recycle your clothing! [Utne]

[Miami, March 20. Image via Bauer-Griffin]

[Image via Getty.]

Lenny Kraviz: Let Love rule.

[Image via AP.]

James McAvoy, oh, boy.

[Image via AP.]

Eva Mmmmmmmmmendes.

[Image via AP.]

Joaquin: Feel the flames from the fire of the Phoenix.

[Image via AP.]

Mary J. Blige: Real Love.

[Image via AP.]

Toro! Toro!

[Image via AP.]

• As reported late Friday, Nicole Richie gave birth to her baby on January 11, a daughter she named Harlow Winter Kate Madden. (6 lbs., 7oz.) Ooh, pretty name! Er, names, that is. [People]
  
• And the next day, just down the hall in Cedars Sinai's maternity ward, Christina Aguilera gave birth to a baby boy, Max Liron Bratman, (6 lbs. 2 oz.) on Saturday. Seventeen years from now, will Max and Harlow be dating? [TMZ]
  
• Britney Spears and new boyfriend Adnan Ghalib went shopping over the weekend and Ghalib got into a "shoving match" with the paparazzi. Dude, don't forget where you came from! [Page Six]
  
• Um, while Brit and her man were car shopping, she was wearing her old wedding dress. [People]
  
• Did Britney pay for Adnan's new Mercedes SUV? [PopDirt]

• Britney's due in court today, and Commissioner Scott Gordon is definitely going to want to know what was up with the kerfluffle at her house that crazy Thursday. But will she even show up? [TMZ]
• She has been "strongly advised" to attend the hearing. Obviously. [People]
• A source says Britney's boys are doing "fantastic" in the sole custody of Kevin Federline and aren't asking for their mom at all, sob. [PageSix.com]
• Staffers at the Mexican hotel Britney stayed in on Wednesday say Britney appeared to be "high" while there. She sat all alone at the bar singing the words to "Toxic" to herself. Maybe she felt like she was in a video? [The Sun]
• Sources say Adnan and Britney may get married. But wouldn't he have to get divorced first? [Mirror]
• Is Val Kilmer dating Chad Lowe's girlfriend? Do you care? [Page Six]
• "It's great to see an exotic face in sci-fi. Little girls who look like me — or who are Arab, Filipina, whatever — are going to go, 'Oh, my God, we can be in space, too!" — Zoe Saldana, who plays Lt. Uhura in the upcoming Star Trek movie. [Page Six]
• Will Lipstick Jungle be way better than Cashmere Mafia? Sources say CM's Lucy Liu has a "lack of friendliness" whereas LJ's Brooke Shields "laughs out loud constantly." Hmm, could one of those "sources" be Candace Bushnell? [Gatecrasher]
• Blind item! "Which candidate's daughter recently went on a date with an ardent Ron Paul supporter? "The date became all about him trying to convince her about Paul," laughs a friend. 'Finally, she said, "You know my dad's running for President. You're not going to change my mind!"?'" [Gatecrasher]
• Will the writers' strike derail the Grammys? Survey says: Maybe. [Rush & Molloy]
• Bjork landed in New Zealand and a member of her entourage asked that no pictures be taken at the airport. A photographer snapped a couple of shots, so Bjork ran up on the guy and tore his T-shirt. Human behavior! [TMZ]
• A new report names Mary J. Blige, 50 Cent and Timbaland among the stars who may have received or used performance-enhancing drugs. Mary on steroids? Thought she was just fine! [Editor & Publisher]
• So you know how Brad Pitt let Pax "drive" a couple of weeks ago? He also let him ride in a cherry picker at the construction site. Sources are saying that Brad put the kid in danger and Pax should have been wearing a helmet, seatbelt, safety harness, etc. [MSNBC]
• Dame Edna (Australian comic Barry Humphries) has been ordered to rest for six months after complications from appendix surgery. The 73-year-old Humphries was forced to cancel a North American tour. Get well soon! [Reuters]
• The Harvard Lampoon is giving Paris Hilton the "Woman Of The Year" award in a large public ceremony in the middle of Harvard Square. Is this the closest Paris will ever get to Harvard? And does she realize it's kind of a joke? [PR Newswire]
• Oscar-winning screenwriter Roger Avary — he penned Pulp Fiction — was arrested on suspicion of manslaughter and DUI after he crashed his car, injuring his wife and killing a man. Hate to say it, but it sounds like a plot twist from the flick. [USA Today]
• Malia Nurmi, known as Vampira, has died at the age of 86. RIP. [BoingBoing]
• Vivica A. Fox claims her rumored sex tape does not exist. "If you see me having a love scene, it's going to be choreographed in a movie, and be fabulous," she says. [People]
• Yes, Lauren Conrad has left Teen Vogue but she was not fired. "I was kind of done," she explains. Meanwhile she says she's "looking" for a new job. And will return to The Hills for another season. [People]
• In old-school Hollywood news, Richard Burton slept with Marilyn Monroe, a new book claims. Yeah, not surprising. At all. [Telegraph]
• Wesley Snipes will go on trial today over the fact that he didn't pay taxes from 1994 to 2004, despite earning about $38 million. He says he is not guilty and acted on the advice of tax professionals. Good luck! [NY Times]
• One of Kid Rock's friends dropped a $200,000 watch at a restaurant; Kid gave the busboy who found it $1,000 in cash. Who knew that KR had cash to throw around? [Page Six]

Rolling Stone

Blige has definitely lost or just outgrown the brassy urgency of her twenties. Then, her confessions had the feel of painful late-night outbursts; these days, they sound more like she's had a lot of therapy. It would be easy to make fun of this, but why? How gratifying it is to see pop lucre propel a project kid like Mary J. Blige into the upper reaches of the upper-middle class rather than turn her into a lost grotesque. If her new music still sometimes seems too comfy for comfort, give her credit for trying to grow into it and believing she can keep on going.

[I]n the end, it's just Mary: a superstar, clearly, but also a woman still in the process of finding herself. Even if that means she's imperfect (and, yes, a little preachy), at least it feels real.

Growing Pains redeems Blige - still not completely. The content can be mistaken for that in No More Drama, except Growing Pains comes across less preachy and corny, and more genuine and earnest.

Blige says she named the album "Growing Pains" based on her belief in the adage, "No pain, no gain." It's a common theme, but her focus on the growth and not the pain makes it seem new and refreshing. What is even more impressive is the way she makes happiness and contentment seem as compelling as the struggle.

Not surprisingly, the lyrics are the weak element. That's a tough thing to point out, since Blige bases so much of what she does on being an example to others. If tunes like "Grown Woman" and "Work That" serve as an inspiration to listeners, that's a wonderful thing. Unfortunately, it doesn't make them good art. Too often, Blige sounds preachy and self-obsessed, and if she's earned the right to be, well, that doesn't make "Growing Pains" go down any easier for the rest of us.

Mary J. Blige: Growing Pains [Rolling Stone]
Mary J. Blige: Growing Pains [Entertainment Weekly]
Mary J. Blige: Growing Pains [All Hip Hop]
Review: Mary J. Blige's effortless 'Growing Pains' [Newsday]
Blige lets you feel her pain [Buffalo News]
Life of Roses? No, but She's Doing Fine [New York Times]

• Days after he allegedly gave Hayden Panettiere his number, Ryan Gosling was seen having dinner with Michelle Williams in New York. Reps say it wasn't a date but a discussion of an upcoming film project. Sure, sure. At least Michelle's stepping up from Heath Ledger. [Page Six]
  
• Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen hung out at the Bowery Hotel's Lobby Bar in New York Wednesday with former TV daddy Bob Saget and "Uncle Jesse" John Stamos. No Steph, no D.J.? Come on, make it a Full House! [Page Six]
  
• Mary-Kate's new man: Dave Annable of Brothers & Sisters. He's cute! [E!]
  
• Tori Amos to two girls in the front row of her show who kept coming and going: "Get the fuck out of my show! It's a privilege to sit in the front row and I reserve those seats for people who appreciate music, get the fuck out!" Yeah, it's on video. [DListed]
  
• Amy Winehouse is vowing to get her life back on track in the New Year, but first she wants a white Christmas, snort! [The Sun]

• Mary J. Blige on Amy Winehouse: "It's just sad. I hate to see any of these females go through it. I was young, and I did dumb stuff — I was doing worse than that." [Rush & Molloy, 2nd item]
• Kevin Federline's lawyer is pissed that Britney has been a no-show for her deposition four times. He plans to ask the Commissioner to bar Brit from asking for more than she already has in her court order, as a penalty. Get it together already, girl, you're exhausting. [TMZ]
• Hugh Jackman's wife: Um, a wee masculine? [TMZ]
• Ricki Lake on John Mayer: "I swear to God, there is no story. I met him at a party. He admitted he had a crush and I admitted, hey, vice versa. That was it. I wish there was actually something to tell. There was nothing." [People]
• British newspaper Daily Telegraph apologized for running a column that falsely accused Nicole Kidman of saying that Jo Malone perfume was her favorite, though she is the face of Chanel. The source admitted that the story was made up, and the paper will pay damages to Kidman, which she'll donate to the UN's Development Fund For Women. Wait, papers print stuff that isn't true? [Yahoo News]
• Meanwhile, Nicole Kidman and Russell Crowe were named Hollywood's "most overpaid" actors. But you can't put a price on what they do! Oh, actually, you can. [News.com.au]
• Blind item! "Which jet-setting performer is stingy with the holiday cheer? The doormen and porters at her posh Central Park West building pad are left with empty pockets when it comes to Christmas tips." [Page Six]
• Blind item! "Which legendary actor's wife recently sold their luxurious Manhattan condo to a couple who later found hidden closed-circuit cameras in the guest bedroom and guest bathroom during a gut renovation of the apartment?" [Page Six]
• Tyra Banks says she never said Britney should kill herself. "Britney is a friend and we correspond with each other," says TyTy. [Sydney Morning Herald]
• Helen Mirren is accusing a film director-turned-food critic of being "insulting and sexist" and treating her like a piece of meat. This was in 1964, but you go Dame Helen! [Telegraph]
• Renee Zellweger says a third Bridget Jones movie will kill her. "My body is whacked by the time we finish one of those," she says. "Your glucose levels are going crazy. You're up and down and all over the place. It doesn't feel good, and no one wants to hear that, but it's the truth." [MSNBC]
• Hugh Grant was seen snogging an "Eastern beauty" while another man caressed her thigh. Maybe he was rehearsing for his new film, Menage A Trois, Actually? [Mirror]

The Good:

L to R: Diane Kruger sticks with a short one, and shows that pale is beautiful too, especially when set against black! Mary J. Blige is a goddess in green and Elizabeth Rohm shows that maternity wear can be gorgeous and appropriate. These women rock.


The Bad:

L to R: Does Beyonce have just one dress that she dyes a different hue before each event? Fergie looks like a drag queen no matter what, but wearing something that appears both perforated and, um, tasseled? Oy. And Jennifer Lopez just annoys us. Also, she suffers from Beyonce look-alike-dress syndrome. (Also, she is married to Marc Anthony.) These women all need a new look in a bad, bad way.


The Ugly:

L to R: What threw up and died on Molly Sims? What 80's time machine did Sarah Carter step out of? And what the fuck happened to the back of Paz Vega's top? These women might be better off naked!

Let's just take a moment and bask in the beautiful regalness of Miss J.

He has it all over Mr. Jay. I keep forgetting he's supposed to be the butch one. Let's try to keep the lipstick down to the shout, OK?

This is just mean. Sara was never this fat.

That's just a bad shot/angle. Tsk, tsk, TyTy. Didn't you sort of make this issue like your life's mission?

Anyway, when Ebony dropped the bomb about not wanting to be there, thank God (and when I say "God" I mean Tyra, natch) for that tightly sewn weave, 'cause it may have been the only thing keeping Tyra's head from exploding. She told Ebony that she doesn't like quitters. Oh, really Tyra, so I guess you're still forging head with that music career?

And finally, what a crock of bullshit this was: