• In her new documentary, in addition to all the stuff about Groundhog Day, Britney Spears also talks about Kevin Federline: "I think I married for the wrong reasons. Instead of following my heart and doing something that made me really happy, I just did it for the idea of [marriage and] everything." Knowing is half the battle! [Perez Hilton, NY Daily News]
• Watch promos for Britney's documentary. In one, she says, "I… look back and I think, I'm a smart person. What the hell was I thinking?" [Perez Hilton]
• Someone else says of Valkyrie: "The film just isn’t a thriller at all. It’s a bunch of white guys in Nazi uniforms." And yes, Tom has an American accent. [MSNBC]
• Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson: on the rocks. Last night in London, LL danced with her ex, Calum Best, whom Moe used to call Calum Worst. Anyways, Sam was pissed and stormed off in a huff. Lindsay was seen with tears in her eyes. Sniff. [The Sun]

• Tom Cruise gives the infamous Heil Hitler salute in his new flick, Valkyrie, and some find it hilarious. "It’s an unsettling scene but you almost start to laugh," a source says. "His character is resisting it but you never forget it’s Tom Cruise saying 'Heil Hitler.' It’s funny and shocking at the same time." [MSNBC]
• Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes celebrated their second anniversary a day early at home in Los Angeles with daughter Suri, 2, as well as Isabella, 15, and Connor, 13, yawn yawn yawn. [People]
• Beyoncé is still in shock about dancing with Justin Timberlake on Saturday Night Live: "I still can't believe he did that. He was incredible," she says. "We rehearsed it two times. He picked up the choreography. He has this photographic memory. He could probably kill it if he wanted to." OMG yes! Does anyone smell a tour? [People]
• Alec Baldwin on kissing Jennifer Aniston for 30 Rock: "It was painful. I mean, every man who's had to make out with her in TV and movies — I don't know how they do it." Baldwin was also asked if unstable women are better in bed. "That's assuming I've been with crazy women," he said. "If I answer that question in the affirmative, that would type a woman I've been with as being crazy, which I don't really feel like doing. But I hear it's true. I hear from my friends it's true. I will say this on the record," he said before fleeing. "I've never slept with a crazy man." [NY Mag]
• Brad Pitt is on Oprah today! He'll be telling O how fatherhood has changed him: "[I'm] tough as nails. I’m impervious to poo, snot, urine, vomit. You can’t get me. You cannot break me down." [E!]
• Angelina on breastfeeding twins: "It's very hard. I stopped at three months, [it was] about as much as I could do. There's this football hold – it's a lot harder than it looks in the books. I did that a few times. I would take turns. It just takes a long time." [People]
• Are Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin on the rocks? She went to the Victoria's Secret show in Miami, and a source bitches: "She spent the summer filming a TV show in Spain with Mario Batali and now, instead of hanging out with her husband, she goes to a Victoria's Secret show? Really? Gwyneth doesn't have anything to do with Victoria's Secret. If things were so great with Chris, why wouldn't she be with him?" [Page Six]
• The Heath Ledger/freelancer/video lawsuit is a go. [Yahoo News via E!]
• Warner Bros has rolled out its first Oscar specific ad, a "For Your Consideration" poster urging awards voters to nominate Heath Ledger's performance as The Joker for an Academy Award. They're comparing his role to that of Anthony Hopkins, who won in 1992 for playing Hannibal Lecter in The Silence of the Lambs. [News.com.au]
• Billy Ray Cyrus says Miley Cyrus and her pal Justin Gaston are great together: "I'll tell you what – they are great friends, and they make a good team. They write a lot of songs together, and they sing – it's incredible. I always tell her that as long as she's having fun, then it's working." Wait, what? [Perez Hilton]
• Miley says: "I think you have to be really careful about the people you trust." And what about Justin Gaston? "He's a singer, he's really cute, and he's nice and he's a Christian and I really like that." [People]
• More from Miley! "I would want to be on a reality show like The Real World because I think that's crazy. Anyone who would do that has some serious guts." She says being followed everywhere by paparazzi "is like a free reality show, I just don't get paid for it. Sometimes I'm not looking my best. I look like a mess, and I'm like I don't want my picture taken right now. I get comments like, ‘She's not looking her best today,' and I'm like, ‘I know, I'm not trying to impress you!'" [E!]
• Blind items! 1. Which Park Avenue socialite split from her husband when she discovered that he'd been enjoying secret conjugal relations with one of her best friends for years? 2. Which hit television show sidekick kicked an aspiring actress out of his cab after she refused to go to his apartment with him to "cuddle over milk and cookies"? 3. Which longtime New York basketball legend, whose wife handles his business, has gone bankrupt twice? 4. Which talk-show host has a flatulence problem so bad, he's said to have an assistant follow him around with an odor-vaporizing spray can? [Page Six]
• Jessica Simpson says Tony Romo is "the whole package." Plus! "He's taught me to calm down a lot," Jess says. "I'm not organized and he's not organized either – but [he] does make me want to be organized for us." Fascinating. [People]
• So. You know how Joaquin Phoenix is retiring from acting? He can't get enough of the camera, actually: He's filming a documentary of his transition from acting to music. But it's real, see? Not acting. [E!]
• Michael Jackson paid £25,000 a session, for a total of £175,000 to see a "mind-mapping" guru to help him with his stage fright and creativity. The guru gets his clients to draw colorful maps. £175,000 for crayons? [The Sun]
• Here's more about the "brain guru." [NY Daily News]
• Um, Michael Jackson's nanny is in hiding. [Fox 411]
• Barack Obama's win is encouraging Gillian Anderson to leave London and move back to her native America. [Daily Express]
• Uh-oh, baby wipes enthusiast Terrence Howard has a crush on gorgeous model Noemie Lenoir. Is she "clean" enough for him? Also, they could be brother and sister, what with the skin and eyes. [Page Six]
• Is Anne Hathaway dating yet another loser? [Page Six]
• Rihanna and Chris Brown now have matching tattoos. [Concrete Loop]
• Serena Williams as the Black Racket is pretty much the best silly stoopid thing you will see today. [The.Life Files]
• Crap, Will Smith is doing a remake of Korean movie Old Boy, which is awesome just the way it is. [Reuters]
• Denise Richards was asked about the Angelina vs. Aniston feud and got all pissy, replying: "You know what? Their life is none of my business. My life has been public, and I think everyone should mind their own business about people's relationships, to be honest. It's between them!" Don't worry honey, soon people will stop for your your opinion. You'll miss it! [E!]
• Natasha Bedingfield: "Romance is female Viagra!" Sorry, explain? "In reality, relationships have ups and downs. If someone is worth enough to you, then you both fight to stay true through the tough times. Advice to guys: Keep the romance alive. Simple things like giving flowers or remembering special dates may sound cheesy but they do work." Oh, see, she's engaged and giddy. [People]
• Heather Mills is sick of the invasion of privacy, people! She's filed six complaints against Britloids: The Sun, Daily Mail, Daily Express and London Lite. [Guardian]
• Some dude claims a Martha Stewart lounge chair collapsed on him, crushing his right index finger. The tip of his finger allegedly fell beneath a deck and was eventually retrieved by a family member. He's suing Martha. Oh, and he says his life is ruined because he's a banjo player. And a hand model. [TMZ]
• Little Britain USA: Being renewed. Computer says yes. [The Sun]
• Click to see Kristen Johnston in a PETA ad against horse-drawn carriages. She's naked, but covered a la lady Godiva. [ONTD]
• You've been waiting for this: Whitney Port is launching her official site soon. Okay, maybe you haven't been waiting, but it's happening anyway. [Socialite Life]
• As previously reported, Rashida Jones is joining The Untitled Amy Poehler Show. Now we know she will play a nurse named Ann. this is all we know. [E!]
• If you watch CSI: Miami, you'll be delighted or disappointed to find out that Sean "Diddy" Combs will make a two-episode appearance, and not as a corpse. Puff will play a prosecutor. [Yahoo News]
• What the world needs now: A Vegas revue starring Melanie "Scary Spice" Brown. "Think Spice Girls meets Showgirls." The project is called "Peep Show" and promises to be "very sexy and very girl power." [Perez Hilton]
• Antonia Kidman, Nicole's sister and a single mom, had a coffee date. That's what this story is about. [News.com.au]
• NFL star Tom Brady is working on rehabbing his injured knee, and while he recovers, a source spills, "No distractions and no Gisele." But doesn't supermodel glamazon Ms. Bundchen heal all wounds??? [Boston Herald]
• David Beckham will only stay with AC Milan for three months before returning to the Los Angeles Galaxy; the Italians are not trying to keep him. [The Independent]
• Russell Brand's stand up show in New York includes jokes about groping the Queen's breasts. He also encourages the audience: "Feel free to approach me for sex." [The Sun]
• Alicia Silverstone, author! Her book, The Kind Diet, comes out next year; it "explores the connection between what we put in our bodies and what we’re doing to the planet, and how choosing the right foods in the kitchen can help you feeling lighter, sexier, and more alive." Plus 75 vegan recipes. [USA Today]
• Aaaah, aaaaahhhhh! Sam Kinison biopic in the works. [NY Times]
• Pete Doherty is on a "pub footie team" which means he plays soccer with other guys from a bar. He says he plans to "score" every week, heh. [The Sun]
• Oh, dear. The flailing economy has hit Days If Our Lives: Deidre Hall (Dr. Marlena Evans) and Drake Hogestyn (John Black) have been axed for budget reasons. Hall had been on the NBC soap for 32 years, and Hogestyn was there for 22. Like sand through the hourglass! [NY Mag]
• Is Magic Johnson skimpy with health coverage when it comes to people who work for him? [TMZ]
• Chuck Norris has written a bunch of crap about the "Gay Anarchy" that America has been experiencing due to the Prop 8 debate. He says: "Protestors [sic] of Proposition 8 in California (the marriage amendment) shoved aside a 69-year-old woman who was bearing a cross. They reportedly spit on her and stomped on her cross. They then aligned themselves in a human barricade, blocking the media from getting to or interviewing the woman." The folks from Queerty call his screed a "gobbledygook of half truths, race-baiting and feigned outrage." [Queerty]
• Click here if you want to watch Hugh Jackman sing "I Still Call Australia Home." Such a Broadway voice on that one. [News.com.au]
• This story reads: "This week, Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger… enlisted his friend and fellow environmentalist Rob Lowe to entice the notoriously wary Chinese into a discussion about global warming while showing them a little showbiz flash." Yes. Rob Lowe is meeting with Chinese officials. [LA Times]
• Stephen Baldwin said he'd leave the country if Obama won; unfortunately he was joking. He now says: "Obama is obviously talented and intelligent, and I have great respect for the man. He's got my full support, and I'm gonna be praying for him and his administration." [Page Six]
• Speaking of Obama, he does have friends in Hollywood, but they're not the ones you think — Clooney is not on the list. [Politico]
• American Buffalo is on Broadway, starring Haley Joel Osment, John Leguizamo and Cedric the Entertainer, and celebrities are loving it. [Rush & Molloy]
• Marissa Jaret Winokur will return to Hairspray December 9-January 4 for the final four weeks of its Broadway run. Not attending: Bianca Golden. [USA Today]
• Details about the romance between Marilyn Monroe and Arthur Miller. Including Monroe's painful miscarriage: Biographer Christopher Bigsby writes: "'It was Arthur's,' Monroe said, between sobs. 'It was for him. He didn't know. It was going to be a surprise. Then he would see that I could be a real wife, and a real mother.' Asked how long she had been pregnant, she replied, 'Just a few weeks, I guess. I didn't dare mention it to anyone, in case it wasn't true.'" [Telegraph]
• Bands don’t do what we used to do. Bands don’t have the theatrics. We were lighting ourselves on fire. I had a chainsaw and cut a nun’s head off. You don’t see that shit at all anymore, which is kind of sad." — Vince Neil, on the early days of Mötley Crüe. [Rolling Stone]
• "The most repulsive celebrity I've ever met is Mick Hucknall. Unlike me he doesn't realize why all the chicks love him. And he's really ugly." — Simon Cowell. [The Sun]
• "I've always had that fuck-the-system mentality, and his dad is so 'the system.' But then, they're the most liberal family — they bootlegged alcohol, for God's sake. They're rich because they threw big, illegal parties, so I don't mind." — M.I.A on her fiancé, Ben Brewer, who is a Seagram heir. [Page Six]
• "I’m currently enjoying a period of sobriety, but for the last 15 years that hasn’t been the case… It’s just as I get older the hangovers get worse. If there were no consequences to drinking, I would drink all the time, but as you get older the hangovers get worse, and I’m just tired of losing entire days to hangovers, so I’m enjoying some healthy sobriety for awhile to see how that works. I don’t advocate sobriety for anyone who can drink successfully." — Moby. [BlackBook]

Miami Beach, November 14. Image via Filmmagic.

• After Palin names Escada as her fave brand, the creative director is gracious: "If she does wear Escada because she likes it, I mean, I’m honored actually. It’s not politics; it’s clothing, after all. No? She’s an attractive woman, so why not?" [New York Mag]
• Fashion's totally in the tank for Obama — but we knew that. [WWD]
• Halloween update: Blake Lively was Cleopatra, Martha Stewart was Medusa. [Sassybella]
• Andre Leon Talley: "Fashion may not be the most important thing in life, but it definitely helps you get through it," [Philadelphia Inquirer]

• Adidas launching high-end SLVR line. It'll include sportswear, accessories and shoes — but no activewear. [WWD]
• Stella McCartney introduces kid-friendly windows. "Using just colouring pencils, Gary Card will create over-layered drawings of animals, dinosaurs, superheros and fantasy inspired characters on children's wardrobes in his typically naive and charming signature style." Just what you want to see on your six-year-old's Christmas list! [VogueUK]
• SJP's new "Twilight" perfume: just a coinci-dink that it jibes with the teen vampire flick? Synergy! [Fashionista]
• Georgia May Jagger's "style" includes derby hats, shiny leggings. [ElleUK]
• Prada's costume jewelry is gorgeous, as expensive as real jewelry. [Fabsugar]
• Goodwill tries to change its image for the recession; but why? [NY Times]
• Not shockingly, Anand Jon's defense lawyer says he's innocent. [Breitbart]
• Suits make the man. [Forbes]
• Timberland moves into video blogging to woo young men, who allegedly like that sort of thing. [Business Week]
• The first YSL retrospective is kicking off in San Francisco and sounds amazing: "The clothes, displayed in a gallery with low lighting and the feel of a giant walk-in closet, are stunningly beautiful: A 1988 Van Gogh "Irises" jacket embroidered with 40 pounds of sequins and beads. A 1997 garden party of a gown with a thicket of pink and green organza flowers, leaves, semiprecious stones and satin ribbons. A 1990 coat flocked with flame-colored rooster, pheasant and vulture feathers. The black wool dress with satin collar and cuffs worn by Catherine Deneuve in the 1967 film "Belle de Jour."" [LA Times]
• Supermoddle Jacquetta Wheeler comes from a huge Tory clan! [Daily Mail]
• These descriptions of the Australia costumes are totally overcoming our initial resolve not to see it: "Ms. Martin did extensive research for the costumes. She studied archival images and newspapers from 1930s and ’40s Australia and interviewed descendants of the original ranchers around Darwin. 'Whether an indigenous stockman'— or drover — 'wore socks with his boots when he rode a horse, that’s something you either get through a snapshot,' Ms. Martin said, 'or something you have to go talk to the people who lived there about.'" [NY Times]
• The new Chanel Unlimited bags, in a "glossy gray canvas material," sound grotesque. Opines Fashionista: These are totally Karl's answer to Prada's nylon bags. But worse, because they're plastered in not just one, but many logos." [Fashionista]
• Yeah it's barely past Halloween, but if you have "questions" about Holiday attire, The Washington Post will help you out. [Washington Post]
• Rosetta Getty expands her line, beloved of her celeb friends. Nice work if you can get it! [WWD]
• Is it just us, or are these new Helena Christensen ads for Agent Provocateur really unsexy? (Oh yeah, prolly NSFW.) [Daily Mail]
• Rochas names Marco Zanini creative director; he'll show his first collection for the the fall/winter 2009 season. [WWD]
• Princess Di's threads go under the hammer for charity. [VogueUK]

The Good:
Barbara Walters' grande dame blue just shouts "grand opera."
Ditto Martha's autumnal. Yes, it's a Good Thing. If you must.
Leaving aside the fact that Taylor Momsen has no business being here, she's dressed like a 30-year-old and it's probably past her bed time, this is a gorgeous gown.
Helena Christensen looks stunning. Say what you will about moddles, they know how to do clothes.
Molly Sims does "statuesque" to perfection. Even if she's walking that "David's Bridal" line.
This pink confection may be controversial, but I think model Hana Soukupova pulls it off where few could.


The Bad:
That's Tory Burch within those 20 yards of silk.
I really don't get this trend for otherwise classy gowns with random cutouts in the bodice. Maybe Julianna Marguiles can explain this to me.
I have no trouble believing that Christie Brinkley can fit into her clothes from 1985. But that doesn't mean she should.
I actually kind of like that Helen Mirren isn't like 100% on the ball all the time. She'd be too intimidating.
One hopes the bow on Parker Posey's dress enjoyed the show. Because it's really doing all the talking here.


The Ugly:
Yes. Real Housewife Alex McCord is wearing a "gown" made of a burlap sack.

[Images via Getty]

Alexis on her incipient OCD: “If you listen to the show, you’ll know that my area has to be calm before I can calm down…Not my vaginal area. I just meant my work area.”

Alexis on the source of her "honesty": “Maybe it was because [co-host Jennifer Koppelman Hutt and I] were raised where we didn’t really have to kiss anybody’s ass."

Alexis on the East Hampton gym she owned in the 90s: "If you’re nasty to me in my place of business, I’m going to be really nasty back. I’d be like, ‘Get the F out … And then they’d say, ‘You can’t do that!’ I was like, ‘Yeah, I can. I can’t kick you out because you’re short, or gay, but I can kick you out because you’re an asshole.’ ”

Alexis on Koppelman Hutt's friends: “I hate all her friends, and if I don’t do exactly what they’re expecting me to, they’ll freak out because I’m a bitch. I don’t tap-dance…[Her] Jappy Long Island friends."

Alexis on her "media training": "My media training was when I was 22 and some C-U-N-T named Candace Bushnell came to interview me about my mother…I learned very quickly."

Alexis on Martha: "She didn’t like me. But then again not many people do like me…People like to say that Martha didn’t pay attention to me, and that’s just not true. [Beat.] Maybe not the right kind of attention."

How Did Martha Stewart End Up With Howard Stern’s Baby? [NY Mag]

Earlier: Martha Stewart's Daughter Takes Therapy Sessions Public With New Show

The Good:
Anna Wintour looks typically impeccable...but what's really awesome is that this appears to be the same dress she wore to the Sex and the City premiere!
I have a strange, platonic couple-love for NYC mayor Mike Bloomberg and his much taller, "Best Dressed List" lady friend Diana Taylor.


The Bad:
Keisha Whitaker (yes, Forest's wife) is certainly stunning, but her frock puts me in mind of Bat Mitzvah circa 1994.
I like that Maria Sharapova's working not obviously sexy, but it's one layer too many...and the purse makes me think that she may not really know what she's doing.
I'm really wishing we could see legendary tennis player Boris Becker's lower half here, because if it's half as rad as the suit/hair, we're in business.


The Martha:
Martha Stewart does unabashed "mom."

[Images via Getty]

• David and Victoria Beckham were in a car crash Friday in France. David was driving his BMW to the Nice airport when he lost control and crashed into a wall. No kids were in the car; Posh was the only passenger. The vehicle had a smashed windshield and damage on the passenger side, but everyone was OK. Bex had to catch his plane (to appear in the Olympic closing ceremonies) so he left poor Vicky with the car… [Perez Hilton]
• Playdate! Kingston Rossdale and the Spears brothers! Britney entertained the three boys while Gwen and Gavin have their hands full with a new baby at home. It says a lot about Brit's progress that people will leave their kids with her, huh? And look, only two nannies in the accompanying picture. [Daily Mail]
• Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie can claim £1,400 a month in child benefits after registering France as their home. Not that they will claim the money. Because they are perfect. [The Sun]
• Lance Bass helped Christina Applegate recover from her double mastectomy. "I was at the hospital holding her hand and getting her through it," he says. "She is a very, very loved person. She's a big crossword puzzle girl. That kept her busy. In her hours of recovery, she's made all these roses out of lace. She has hundreds and hundreds of these amazing different roses. She doesn't know what she's going to do with them." [People]

• Apparently the trailer for Keira Knightley's new film, The Duchess, has shots of Princess Diana intercut in it, with the words "The two were related by ancestry and united by destiny… History repeats itself." Except Keira's flick is about Georgiana, Duchess of Devonshire. Who did not die in a car crash. [Telegraph]
• Madonna and Guy renewed their vows in a private Kabbalah ceremony in London. A-Rod, shmay-rod! [Daily Mail]
• Madonna's Sticky & Sweet tour kicked off over the weekend! [The Sun]
• Madge has $1 million worth of Swarovski crystals on her costumes! [Mirror]
• Her show was "epic" and featured a video appearance by Britney Spears, as well as virtual appearances by Kanye West and Pharrell Williams. [Mirror]
• Madonna's workouts to get in shape for her tour have paid off. Hubby Guy Rithie says: "Her legs are Olympic standard. She is in amazing shape. You won’t find a fitter bird than her. Her legs are so toned. She’s fitter than dancers on her tour who are half her age." [The Sun]
• Madonna's tour includes negative images of destruction: global warming, Hitler, Mugabe and Senator John McCain. Then! Positive images! John Lennon, Al Gore, Mahatma Gandhi and Barack Obama! [AP]
• Um, the McCain camp is not happy about Madonna's tour images. "The comparisons are outrageous, unacceptable and crudely divisive all at the same time." [Yahoo News]
• Is Madonna sparking a stocking trend with her 100 pairs of fishnets? [The Sun]
• Four relatives of Helena Bonham Carter were killed in a minibus crash while of a safari holiday in South Africa last week. [Times of London]
• Amanda Bynes was in a minor car accident Saturday afternoon in L.A. She made an unsafe turn and another car hit her. No serious damage, no drugs or alcohol. [People]
• Jet-setting billionaire Charles Simonyi is engaged to a Swedish woman named Lisa Persdotter, which is weird because Martha Stewart has often referred to him as "my boyfriend." [ONTD]
• Chris Kattan filed for legal separation from his wife, Sunshine Tutt, citing irreconcilable differences.The couple were engaged for 18 months and married for less than 2 months. Sigh, WWMD? (What Would Mango Do?) [Yahoo News via E!]
• John Mayer paparazzi shots aren't worth very much now that he's not with Jennifer Aniston. [MSNBC]
• Barenaked Ladies frontman Ed Robertson and three other people are "very lucky" to have survived a plane crash yesterday. The float-plane went down in the trees in Bancroft, Ontario, Canada. [Toronto Sun]
• Kim Kardashian cut her foot in her hotel room Sunday night. A source says there was so much blood, it looked like a murder scene. She sliced her foot open on a glass coffee table — right before she's supposed to start Dancing With The Stars! [ONTD]
• George Michael's final farewell concert was in London over the weekend. "It's great to be home," he said. (I won't let you down. I will not give you up. Gotta have some faith in the sound… It's the one good thing that I've got.) [Telegraph]
• There was a beachside premiere party for 90210 over the weekend, with Shannen Doherty and Jennie Garth in attendance. [AP]
• Boy jeans: Now seen on Jennifer Aniston. Katie Holmes, what hath thou wrought? [Daily Mail]
• Drew Barrymore: seen singing "I Will Survive" at a karaoke joint in Detroit with Whip It co-stars Juliette Lewis and Ellen Page. It's okay, you'll find better than the Mac dude! [Mirror]
• Sienna Miller and Balthazar Getty went house shopping in Malibu! The "love nest" they checked out was priced at £11million. Guess that's what Getty oil money will get you. [Mirror]
• Snoop Dogg has been granted a visa to perform in Australia, despite his long list of drugs, firearms and weapons charges. You can't hold back the dee oh double gee! [News.com.au]
• Paula Abdul has undergone neck surgery to repair an old cheerleading injury. She's supposedly been in a lot of pain since um, 1987, which maybe made her take pain pills, which maybe made her loopy. [Perez Hilton]
• TV chef Jamie Oliver was talking about free range chickens and gassing chicks when he some kind of Holocaust joke about the Germans, whoops. [The Star]
• Adrian Grenier: Dating an Aussie "weather girl"? [News.com.au]
• Blind item! "Which newly single TV personality tried out his sonorous baritone on young co-eds while vacationing in Mexico? 'He was bouncing between college girls like a pinball,' says our spy. 'His son was there, and it was embarrassing to watch.' Even worse, we hear there were no takers." [Rush & Molloy]
• Mary J. Blige and Robin Thicke will tour together in North America this fall. Will they sing together? A duet could be hot! [Reuters]
• When Alanis Morissette was 15 years old, she opened for Vanilla Ice on tour: "I was instructed not to look him in the eye and that was my first experience of honouring someone’s privacy to the point where you look away when they come near you. I thought, 'Wow, I didn’t think that actually existed!'" [Daily Express]
• Ed McMahon has found someone to buy his home and it's not Donald Trump. [Yahoo News]
• If you like Lil Wayne, Birdman or the Hot Boys, you'll love Cash Money Mobile, the new phone service that delivers ringtones, graphics, videoclips, text alerts and other crap right to your phone. A milli, a milli, a milli. [Reuters]
• Bobby Brown is being sued for failing to pay the legal bills for his divorce from Whitney Houston. He still owes almost $100,000 — can he get if from that country show? [Mirror]
• Tennis star James Blake talks about going to high school with John Mayer: "Just about every day he was at my house, and we'd play Nintendo games… I was about five feet tall wearing a back brace [due to scoliosis]… I don't think either one of us was doing that great [with the ladies] in high school – John was still kind of fitting into a niche ... He's more than made up for himself with how he's done since then." [People]
• Christopher Plummer recalls that hilarious time he thought he had syphilis and William Shatner took his role in Henry V. [Page Six]
• It's been twenty years since N.W.A.'s Straight Outta Compton. Ice Cube says: "It was what we saw all around us in Los Angeles. Gangsta to us didn't have anything to do with Al Capone and stuff like that. It's just about living your life the way you want to live it. And you're not going to let nothing stop you." [USA Today]
• A Serbian village unveiled what it says is Europe's first statue to late Jamaican reggae star Bob Marley on Saturday. Apparently the war-torn region prefers role models of peace. [Yahoo News]
• There's an excerpt from Faith Evans' book, and it details the night when she caught Lil' Kim in Biggie's bed. "As soon as I saw a small lump next to Big’s large frame, I flew into a rage, ran over to the side of the bed, and pulled back the covers. I grabbed some chick our of the bed and started beating her ass. At some point, the chick’s wig came off in my hand; It was a short, cropped wig. I stopped throwing punches for a minute to get a good look at the chick I was beating up. It was Lil Kim. She was completely butt-naked, yelling as I pushed her around the room…" [The.Life Files, Gawker]
• "Growing up, there’s a lot of pressure on young women, when you first become aware of your own looks in relation to other women’s looks. You just want to be cookie-cutter beautiful. And sometimes you think, 'Maybe I could change something about myself to fit that mould.' I’m no exception to that. When I was growing up I wanted a nose job because I didn’t think my nose was good. Your face needs to have character if you’re going to be an actor or you’re just kind of a face. You’re not really a person or a personality." — Anne Hathaway. [Daily Express]
• "Making clothes together in our studio makes us feel complete. We probably sound like a group of grannies in a knitting circle but it's the truth and it gives us some control over our visual identity." — Coldplay's Chris Martin. [Mirror]
• "I wrote that song as a stalker. It was raining, and I was sitting there in front of the house, watching her come home from a date after we were divorced. I was imagining what she did on this date, and watching her giving him a kiss. I went home and wrote this song." — Terrence Howard, on the "No. 1 Fan" from his new album. [E!]

I realize Martha thinks that this sort of snark is going to keep her relevant, after all, Whatever, Martha was her idea, but I think it's going to backfire. If there's one thing that's sacred in this country, it's the mother-daughter relationship, and a show based around a daughter calling her mom's outfits "hideous" and mocking her with the gloves off is going to hit the absolutely wrong emotional pitch. Martha's publicist, Sheila Feren, seems to agree with me, according to the Times, "During the preparation of this article, Ms. Feren repeatedly said, 'Oh, my God. Please tell me this is not happening.'"

Alexis Stewart and Jennifer Koppelman Hutt will also attempt to do the crafts and recipes that Martha made on her own show, and the bloopers that result from that will play a lot better than what Alexis describes as her "honest" opinion. There have been rumors in the past that Alexis and Martha's relationship had its drama in the past, but the pair reconciled when Martha was in the slammer, and in some ways this show seems like a very public therapy session in which Alexis is working out her considerable anger towards her mom. Of the show, Alexis says that she doesn't say anything Martha wouldn't "say herself…Given a drink or two." Which is exactly the problem: this experiment may reveal the inner bitch of the world's favorite domestic goddess, and it might not be pretty.

[Image via Martha Stewart]

Show Skewers Martha Stewart, With Her Blessing [NYT]

This is supposed to be a modern-day Kathleen Turner, like the one in the clip. The Photoshopping would lead one to believe it was snapped during the Body Heat era.

• Martha Stewart has a wardrobe mistress paint the soles of her Christian Louboutins black. We would endorse this, as we take most of our fashion cues from the fictional character Cayce Pollard in William Gibson's Pattern Recognition and think that conspicuous logos are the scourge of the universe, but blogging about the fact that you not only remove said logos but have a "wardrobe mistress" to do it for you is not exactly inconspicuous. And yet...I love her? [The Martha Blog]
  
• Ooooh, promo shots from Stylista, the new Tyra-produced reality show wherein the winner gets to be the assistant to known-psychopath Anne Slowey! Anne, an Elle editor, is one of those fashion people who is driven batshit by persistent fad dieting, but the resultant batshitism, in an industry whose shallowness is matched only by its aloofness, can be kind of endearing, unless you are her assistant. Ratings gold! [Fashionologie]
  
• Tori Spelling and her son are shilling for Skechers, which I find fitting. I mean, Skechers is sort of the Tori Spelling of shoe brands, and if you don't believe me I'm here to remind you the company was founded by the same guy who brought the world L.A. Gear. [SassyBella]

• Yeah, Bonnie Fuller is retiring from the day-to-day of the magazine industry, but don't worry, like with George W. Bush, her legacy of devastation will long outlive her career. [WWD]
• Nina Garcia is headed to Marie Claire. Marie Claire has been making all sorts of interesting moves lately, hiring "smart"-type editors from the likes of GQ and Forbes, but with Nina Garcia on board, the magazine could snag the Project Runway partnership that could elevate its status in the celebrity-sartorial complex as well, making for a magazine with all the promise and potential and pages and utter schizophrenia of ELLE! [Fashion Week Daily]
• Vanessa Paradis is set to replace Kirsten Dunst as the face of Miu Miu. Think Prada execs finally got sick of a bunch of spoiled, substance-abusing 20-somethings representing their brand? [WWD]
• Nike might buy something to secure a stronger presence in the Asian markets that have grown so wealthy exploiting desperate rural migrants to manufacture cheap tennis shoes for companies like Nike. [Reuters]
• You'll be seeing more of Josh Hartnett in your daily diet of marketing messages, for which you can thank Armani. [WWD]
• Recession? Tell that to the college kids who spent 10% more at your average Urban Outfitters store than they did last year! [FlyOnTheWall
• "Everybody is so beautiful! And everybody obviously looks impeccable, because they're all wearing Dior." Who is this gimlet-eyed observer of the glitterati? Why, it's wide-eyed Leighton Meester, a Dior show newbie, dressed in green and exemplifying everything we love about reading fashion trade publications. [Fashion Week Daily]

The Good:
Amy Poehler: Actress, comedienne, Christian Siriano copycat.
I can only hope that Angelica Huston was invited for her amazing turn in The Darjeeling Limited as a mother/Buddhist nun who doesn't know what to talk about when we talk about love.
Ann Moore, left, is the CEO of Time, Inc. Indra Nooyi, right, is the CEO of Pepsi Co. Donatella Versace would be happy, surely, to see women in power wearing dresses.
Arianna Huffington: She writes books, she runs blogs, she wears ballgowns.
Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Eat, Pray, Love, which was apparently a little smug, highly readable and very "influential." (I hate that word.)
Georgina Chapman designs for Marchesa and married Harvey Weinstein. I'm not sure if these things, independently or together, make her a person of merit. But what do I know?
Kristen Wiig of SNL: Further proof that women are funny.
Madeeha Hasan Odhaib is the "Mother Theresa of Baghdad." I wonder if George Bush, or even fellow attendee John McCain, even care.
I love Martha Stewart: She runs an empire and still manages to can her own preserves. Also, she does it in heels.
Mary Lou Jepsen founded Pixel Qi and was also the founding Chief Technology Officer of One Laptop Per Child, which strives to deliver mesh-networked laptops to children in developing countries.
Nancy Brinker, who founded Susan G. Komen for the Cure, is a breast cancer survivor and mother, and was also appointed to the position of Chief of Protocol by President Bush.
Rupert Murdoch and Wendi Deng: The dark overlord and his whipsmart wife.
Suzanne Vega: She sings.
Sure Baby Mama is supposed to be the anti-Knocked Up or whatever, but more importantly, Tina Fey has brought Liz Lemon and Tracey Jordan into our lives.
Did you participate in Teach for America? Or have eighty gajilliion friends who did? Thank Wendy Kopp, who founded the program, for the experience.
Ziyi Zhang: She acts. Also I am in awe of her bone structure.

[Images via Getty.]

• Donatella Versace loves Hillary Clinton but thinks she should dress more like Donatella Versace if she wants to nab the presidency. [Vogue UK]
  
• But forget politics — where are we, Washington D.C.? — Donatella would much rather meet Martha Stewart. [Fashion Week Daily]
  
• This week on Ugly Betty, recently fired ELLE fashion director Nina Garcia will appearing alongside Project Runway winner Christian Siriano. But in the season finale, ELLE's Nina-ousters Robbie Myers and Joe Zee will be appearing on the show, in a storyline featuring a softball game. Needless to say, this would seem to indicate a rapproachment on the level with Nixon meeting Mao, except when you remember that the common goal is not being on TV. [WWD, 3rd item]
  
• How the fuck did Heidi Montag's clothing line outsell Victoria Beckham's at Kitson's? [TMZ]

• Bummer: Frances Bean Cobain is not going to be the next face of Chanel. [Vogue UK]
• Meta: ubermodel Liya Kebide is set to play supermodel Waris Durie in the upcoming bipic beased on Durie's autobiography. [Fashion Week Daily]
• Best headline ever: "Louis Vuitton Sues Darfur Fundraiser." [TorrentFreak]
• More from the wonderful Simon Doonan: "Basically I don't know anybody that remembers just the hallmark moments where you are riding a Victorian bicycle around trying to catch butterflies. There may be people who remember that but I think the medical emergencies and the crazy outfits always trump that stuff. Hence, the emphasis [in his writing] on things like flying dentures, prostitutes, medical emergencies and freak accidents." [Vogue UK]
• What's it like to be Madonna's makeup artist? Says Gina Brooke, "Usually on certain jobs you walk in and go, "OK, this is my idea." She's like, "No, this is my idea, and then you guys give me what you've got." [BellaSugar]
• Designer Cynthia Rowley's advice to graduates of Marymount University's fashion design and merchandising students, "If I can do it, you can do it." Gee, that's helpful. [WWD, sub req'd]
• Designer Ralph Rucci: Honorary Jezebel? "I think we're in a state of mediocrity. Magazines are totally unrelatable to what you look like...To show a garment that's difficult to wear, that just has a concept to it, is not fashion." [WWD, sub req'd]
• Mazel tov, probably, to Giorgio Armani who is rumored to be receiving France's Legion of Honor medal next month. [Fashion Week Daily]
• The Solar Bag! So you can, um, recharge your cell phone using your handbag. [WWD, 1st item]
• Jean-Paul Gaultier: Now shilling man make-up. [NYMag]
• Avon profits are on the rise. This surely has something to do with the price of oil but we're too tired to come up with a silly theory. [Reuters]

The Good:
Note to self: Look as awesome as Iman every day. (Must find floral dress that is feisty, not frilly.) Also, accessorize with David Bowie.
Martha Stewart: Her basic black look is chic and fresh. It's a good thing.
Okay, considering that Donna Karan typically turns up looking somewhere between crazy cat lady and homeless, I'm relieved to see her in something fitted and a little funky. Also, totally digging the shoes.
Russell Simmons and Porschia Coleman: Gorgeous couple, great sense of style.
I only hope that Robert DeNiro appreciates the vast awesomeness of wife Grace Hightower's caftan.


The Bad:
It appears that Sigourney Weaver showed up in her pajamas.
Natasha Richardson's dress is just a wee bit too short, no? And Drena DeNiro is a little too made up.
As the heir apparent to the universe (she is Oprah's bestie after all), surely Gayle King could have mustered together something a little more impressive than this.
Dear Seinfelds: Stop looking so smug. Especially since Jessica's shoes are sure to embarrass you in years to come.


The Ugly:
I can't get over Deborah Lin's shoes. Even the intimidating presence of James Gandolfini isn't enough to distract from footwear that bears an uncanny resemblance to the first shoes-with-heels I ever owned. The year was 1997. The occasion was my Bat Mitzvah.

[Images via FilmMagic and Getty.]

• Remember how sources said Ashlee was knocked up and then Pete Wentz said she wasn't ? Now sources say Ashlee Simpson is pregnant and will get married next month at a private residence in Southern California. [People]
  
• Jessica Simpson is reportedly jealous of little sis Ashlee, since she's always wanted a baby and even joked she'd resort to making her hairstylist Ken Paves the daddy. Oy. [MSNBC]
  
• Cameron Diaz's father died suddenly yesterday; the cause was pneumonia. [TMZ]
  
• Um, prepare yourself: Rob Lowe's nanny says he repeatedly exposed his "flaccid penis" and his "erect penis" to her, repeatedly asked her "to touch his penis," repeatedly masturbated in front of her, showed her pornographic images on his computer, asked her to give him a massage and tell him dirty stories. Shudder. [TMZ]
  
• So yeah, the nanny is countersuing Lowe for sexual harassment. She is seeking $50,000 in general damages as well as punitive damages and unpaid wages. [Reuters]

• Lily Allen was taken off the judging panel of the Orange Prize — awarded to female writers who have authored books of fiction — because "life got in the way" and she missed a bunch of meetings. A week after joining the panel, she announced she was pregnant. Later she miscarried and split from her boyfriend. The girl's got no time to read. [Telegraph]
• Uh-oh! Amy Winehouse's record label is warning her that she can only release a new CD if she is clean and sober. Crap. Think she can do it? [The Sun]
• John Mayer and Pussycat Doll Nicole Scherzinger: Doing the do? [Page Six]
• David Hasselhoff uses his assistant and an autographed photo of himself to try and pick up chicks. It doesn't work. [Gatecrasher]
• Some crew members feared for Heath Ledger's mental health while he was filming The Dark Knight: He reportedly refused to talk to anyone out of character and found it hard to "snap out" of the personality of The Joker, who he described as a "psychotic, mass-murdering clown." [News.com.au]
• Oh, dear. Pete Doherty is doing heroin while in jail. [The Sun]
• Michael Lohan says daughter Lindsay wants to do missionary work in India; Lindsay's rep says um, no. [Gatecrasher]
• Paris Hilton was paid £70,000 for 50 minutes of work: Showing up at a London nightclub. The world has gone mad. Mad, I tell you! [Mirror]
• Meanwhile, Paris's parents adore her boyfriend Benji Madden. Kathy Hilton says, "I have a funny feeling it's going to go all the way." Rick Hilton says, "We love him like family already." [People]
• Jennie Garth has "abruptly" left a CBS comedy pilot — does that mean she's headed to the 90210 spinoff instead? [Reuters]
• TMI blind item! "Which inexplicable media star (blame www.Gawker.com for that) likes to boast that she let a certain handsome men's magazine editor, who is also much in the gossip columns, get to third base during a dinner at Balthazar?" [Gatecrasher]
• Camilla Parker Bowles (now Duchess of Cornwall), Celine Dion and Madonna share an ancestor! They all descend from a French carpenter. See? Madonna was destined to have a Continental accent. [The Star]
• Deborah Gibson has a stalker who is originally from Spain but left his wife to follow Debbie around the country. Deb's filed a restraining order against the dude and is singing "No, no, no, no, only in your dreams! As real as it may seem — It's only in your dreams." [TMZ]
• Former MTV VJ LaLa Vazquez says she is supporting fiancé Carmelo Anthony in the wake of his DUI arrest. Yawn. [People]
• Despite her album not doing well in the US, Kylie Minogue is splurging on a £3 million mansion in the British countryside. Get it girl! [News.com.au]
• Actor Jason Beghe, an ex-Scientologist says, "Scientology is destructive and a rip-off. It's very, very dangerous for your spiritual, psychological, mental, emotional health and evolution. I think it stunts your evolution." Tom Cruise? Stunted? Never. [Page Six]
• Magician Criss Angel threw a hissy fit over the weekend when his girlfriend, Miss Nevada, didn't win Miss USA. He's also probably upset that no one cares. [Page Six]
• Foxy Brown is scheduled to be released from prison this week! The rapper has been behind bars for the last eight months due to probation violations. She's got a VH1 reality show already in the works, naturally. [UPI]
• Martha Stewart's beloved dog, a Chow named PawPaw, has died. [The.Life Files]
• "I'm just trudging along, you know. I wash every day, I've got my own teeth, and I don't dye my hair. I must be doing something right, as I've only canceled two shows in 30 years: once when the doctor said I would have a miscarriage, and once when he told me my eardrums would explode if I did the gig." Chrissie Hynde, 56. [Page Six]

• Oh, look, it's Madonna. On the cover of a glossy magazine's "green" issue. How novel! And even more exciting: Elle is doing some fashion designer water bottle promotion. [Fashion Week Daily]
  
• Robin Givhan on Madge: "Her latest incarnation — blond waves, lace-up boots and a corset — speaks to the most old-fashioned, condescending sentiment of all: She looks good for her age." [Washington Post]
  
• Christiane Amanpour slipped Diane Von Furstenburg a note Monday night saying, "Congratulations, from one dominatrix to another." Click the jump while there is still time to get a Jamie Rubin Barry Diller BDSM image out of your mind! [NYDN]

• Food riots, rising Asian inflation and Malthusian apocalypse scares be damned, Armani will conquer the developing world. [Hindustan Times]
• The run-down of this apparel industry salute to the Good Life featuring Macy's CEO Terry Lundgren, Martha Stewart and Tony Bennett will surely warm your cockles. [WWD]
• If, like me, you have not left a three block radius in the past month, you may not have seen the spring window treatments at The Gap. Well some blonde lady at The Street did that for you, and guess what? She found them boring! But J. Crew is alive with color. [TheStreet]
• "Do You Wear Heels To The Beach?" [Fabsugar]
• "How do you avoid a crisis and keep your prom makeup from fading?" [Teen Vogue]
• For those who have long pined for a Hermes Grannysmith apple-shaped tote with matching peeler but never dreamed it was possible. [Missbehave]

• Nicole Richie and Joel Madden were seen partying Grammy weekend, so some random source says, "It's almost as if they aren't parents." Kind of a cheap shot. But yeah, the nanny is apparently working overtime. Mom and dad need to party! [Page Six]
  
• Guess who was on the set when Lindsay Lohan posed nude for Bert Stern's Marilyn Monroe-inspired New York magazine shoot? Not momager Dina, but 14-year-old little sis, Ali. Picking up tips on how to behave? [Rush & Molloy]
  
• Dad Jamie tells Britney's new bodyguards not to let her go to a bar or bathroom alone. Also, when she left a restaurant Saturday, she took a cup of coffee with her. [Page Six]
  
• Britney's ongoing custody case reconvenes in court today. First order of business: Who will rep Brit? The firm of Trope and Trope bailed. [E!]
  
• If you find Bindi Irwin vaguely terrifying, wait until you see her doll. [TMZ]

• Meanwhile, Robert Irwin, 4-year-old son of Steve, was bitten by a baby boa constrictor. "He said, 'I hope it wasn't venomous,'" his mom claims. (It wasn't.) [AP]
• Blind item! "The sobriety of which troubled starlet probably isn't being helped by the fact that her uncle deals weed out of the spare room in her mom's house?" [Gatecrasher]
• Jessica Simpson appears in a workout video, but she doesn't want you to see it! Even though she signed a multimillion dollar contract, she changed her mind and refused to give final approval. Speedfit is suing Jess and her dadager. Hey, it can't be any worse than Blonde Ambition. [Page Six]
• Do Michael Bolton's kids hate his fiancée Nicolette Sheridan? Do you care? [Rush & Molloy]
• Desperate Housewives' Marcia Cross's pregnancy: Life-threatening! "My eyesight started going, and I gained 12 pounds in one week," she says. "Both are symptoms of preeclampsia, a complication that is life-threatening for mother and baby. Within 12 hours of being diagnosed - at 35 weeks - I had a C-section." She now has twins, Eden and Savannah. [Rush & Molly]
• The new season of Dancing With The Stars will feature tennis star Moncia Seles, actress Shannon Elizabeth, magician Penn Jillette, actress Marlee Matlin and TV "personality" Adam Carolla, among others. Click for the full list! [People]
• Spencer Pratt on Heidi Montang's new album: "Madonna, eat your heart out. Britney Spears, eat your heart out. I would say we have diamond records coming - they're gonna sell 10-million plus." LOL. [People]
• Scarlett Johansson: "I learned I was a sexual being through David Bowie's songs." Thanks for sharing! [Mirror]
• Daniel Radcliffe and Emma Watson spent Valentine's evening together? Drinking at a pub? Harry + Hermione = ♥! [