For many, Joseph Gordon-Levitt (or JGL as us cool kids refer to him as) is the epitome of dreamboat. Smart, erudite, classically handsome yet approachable-looking. And now married. Very, very married. Sorry your 2015 had to start like this.

Um, sure. Additional image after the jump.

The photos and spread Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie reportedly got $2 million for about their wedding are now here in full. While details of the accompanying article leaked before the piece arrived, there are a few choice details that we've missed.

Real live human beings Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie were married this weekend. According to the three pieces of looseleaf paper stapled together I found on the ground outside the office, one of which had the words "Us Weekly" scrawled in number two pencil on it, "Everyone is happy for them." Oh?

Have you noticed more romantic plots creeping onto your TV screen? And perhaps on shows that are comedic, rather than dramatic? Don't look now, but the rom com is perhaps pulling a Lazarus. It's just that everyone is very, very shy of the term "romantic comedy" after years of stinkers anchored by Matthew McConaughey.

During a debate Wednesday, a female member of Tokyo's city assembly was attacked by her male colleagues after she advocated for government assistance for women who are struggling to have children. Their comments – about how she should get married and whether she's able to bear children herself – have prompted a large…

After announcing her engagement in May, host Savannah Guthrie took to the Today show Monday to reveal she'd gotten secretly married over the weekend and is four months pregnant. Whoa!

At the BET awards last night, Bey, Jay, 'Ye and something called a Kim Kardashian sat together in a royal enclave and the photos of this momentous event have already been analyzed until the end of time. Beyoncé and Kim, who sat on the outside of their respective men, "made no effort to stretch across to chinwag." Kim…

Alec Baldwin married 28-year-old yoga instructor Hilaria Thompson in a New York City church today, and nothing was wrong unless you count the presence of Woody Allen and Soon-Yi Previn. Here's hoping Baldwin's new wife will lead him in a few sun salutations every morning to stop him from buying a one-way ticket to The…

Shrill, polarizing funnyman Zach Galifianakis just got engaged to his longtime girlfriend Quinn Lundberg and the couple's already planning the nuptials for August 11th. Lundberg is the co-founder of Growing Voices, a non-profit organization that connects international donors to community-based projects.

You want the best for your daughter, don't you? And the best obviously means finding her a nice, rich husband—because what else would a girl ever want from life? Well, this ridiculous 1950s ad for Bigelow Carpet shows that having a thick, plush carpet can do wonders for a girl's dating life.

While Mitt Romney may have a well-established problem wooing women voters—his wife, excluded—it appears when you break it down that it's actually the single ladies he's striking out with. And he's not doing very well with single men either. The one group he is doing okay with? The marrieds.

Jessica Cutler — who only recently announced her engagement — married fiancé Charles Rubio on Monday at NYC's City Hall. Cutler, who managed to tell The New York Observer almost nothing of value, ordered an ass-shaped cake inscribed "to have and to hold" for the occasion and wore a grey suit instead of an annoying…

• While everyone was busy focusing on the presidential debates, Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds got married. The ceremony took place Saturday night at a "remote wilderness resort" outside of Vancouver, Canada. The bride is 23, the groom is 31 and they have been dating since 2007. [Us Magazine, People]
• Heather…

British socialite and the richer, less talented version of Agyness Deyn, Peaches Geldof (daughter of Sir Bob), has wowed us with her wild antics once again. The 19-year-old has married an American rocker (and handsome ginger) Max Drummey from the band Chester French in a quickie Las Vegas ceremony. Peaches first met…

Us and People are reporting that there was not, in fact, a Brangelina wedding. A source tells Us the story is "complete and total bullshit." Sigh. Star is still claiming that there was a small ceremony on Saturday afternoon. Is it true? Or is it that sometimes when you want something badly, you'll do anything to make…