marriageandrace

posts about #marriageandrace more →
Many Women Marry After 30 • Aussie Men Love Living With Mum

Your version of Internet Explorer is not supported. Please upgrade to the most recent version in order to view comments.

Dsmvwl Admin Promote to frontpage Approve user Ban user ×

Sister Toldja
06/30/09

In reply to Many Women Marry After 30 • Aussie Men Love Living With Mum
"You're least likely to be married by 35 if you're a woman of color."

Le sigh. I know this statistic well, but it still shoots me like an arrow EVERY.TIME.
Reply

Sister Toldja was starred Sister Toldja was unstarred

willwriteforfood
06/30/09

In reply to Many Women Marry After 30 • Aussie Men Love Living With Mum
OK, so I'm 39 and Asian and unmarried. Can I tell my mom I'm not stubborn, I'm just a victim of the odds? Perhaps that would give her more to chew on than fussing at me over my spinsterhood.
Reply

willwriteforfood was starred willwriteforfood was unstarred

Sister Toldja
06/30/09

@willwriteforfood: I think it's just Black and Latina women bringing down the statistic for all of us. On behalf of our shiftless, hesitant to marry us men who have caused this statistic, I apologize.
Reply

Sister Toldja was starred Sister Toldja was unstarred

missbananafish
06/30/09

In reply to Many Women Marry After 30 • Aussie Men Love Living With Mum
So since I'm the whitest woman on the planet (without being an albino), and I'm 35, so that means that I'm going to get married any day now, right? Even though I haven't dated in quite some time? Woo-hoo!
Reply

missbananafish was starred missbananafish was unstarred

Laulau
06/30/09

@missbananafish: Ah, but you've passed the magical happy year of 28, so while you may get married, you'll never be as hot or happy as you were then.
Reply

Laulau was starred Laulau was unstarred

badmutha
06/30/09

@missbananafish: Pick out your dress, the odds are in your favor!
Reply

badmutha was starred badmutha was unstarred

badmutha
06/30/09

In reply to Many Women Marry After 30 • Aussie Men Love Living With Mum
ZOMG. Megan, you are going to have to beat me in finding that idiot doctor who said the stress and pregnancy = emotional problems. How would that even possibly be related? My bullshit-ometer just almost broke from the sheer and complete bullshit of that bullshit statement.
Reply

badmutha was starred badmutha was unstarred

LBB
06/30/09

@badmutha: I'll go one better. My dad heard and now spouts as though it is gospel truth some bullshit study that said that stress during pregnancy causes the resulting baby to be gay. No, really. I have NO BLEEPING CLUE WHERE HE HEARD THIS but I've heard him repeat it before and it's all I can do to keep my head from asploding.
Reply

LBB was starred LBB was unstarred

Lymed
06/30/09

In reply to Many Women Marry After 30 • Aussie Men Love Living With Mum
And what percentage of women are divorced by age 40?
Reply

Lymed was starred Lymed was unstarred

sportz.star
06/30/09

@Lymed: My guess -- some large percent of those women who got married under the age of 24.
Reply

sportz.star was starred sportz.star was unstarred

LaComtesse
06/30/09

@Lymed: I would imagine something like 24%. If 86% of women are married by 40 and 50% of marriages end in divorce... right? Math was never my strong suit.

@sportz.star: And if you got married AT 24?! WHERE DO I FIT INTO THIS EQUATION!!?!?!?!?!1!!11!!!
Reply

LaComtesse was starred LaComtesse was unstarred

rocknrollunicorn
06/30/09

@LaComtesse: I don't think you can figure it out from those statistics because from what I hear, second and third, etc., marriages have a higher divorce rate, but that of course contributes to the OVERALL divorce rate.

So bottom line, 50% of people who get married do not necessarily experience divorce. Some of those are people experiencing divorce more than once.
Reply

rocknrollunicorn was starred rocknrollunicorn was unstarred

Penny
06/30/09

In reply to Many Women Marry After 30 • Aussie Men Love Living With Mum
The marriage thing is something that bothers me a LOT more than it should. I never really cared about getting married, but now I feel like there's some kind of clock ticking (I turn 30 in the fall, dating someone for 3+ years). Ditto with babies. I don't even want to THINK about babies but I seem to always hear "well, having babies after the age of 33 increases the risk of XYZ" and I get nervous. It stresses me out far more than I am comfortable with. And makes me kind of bummed about having lady parts.
Reply

Penny was starred Penny was unstarred

LadyFabulous
06/30/09

@Penny: I'm with you. I'm months (weeks, minutes, seconds!!!) away from 29, and I'm the eldest person in my family who's never been married. As much as I KNOW it's not a big deal, there is still the teenie inside monster telling me different.
Reply

LadyFabulous was starred LadyFabulous was unstarred

DaisyGamble
06/30/09

@Penny: lots of women feel that way. i have 2 friends who have never been married and insist i am the lucky one, because i was married. When i argue, YES, but i am now divorced, the response is just 'well at LEAST you were married.' It is very strange how this infects our brains.
Reply

DaisyGamble was starred DaisyGamble was unstarred

emilyanne
06/30/09

@Penny: I had my first child at 34 and am pregnant with the second at 36. Both were completely straightforward pregnancies - and so were the pregnancies of my friends, most of whom were 32 or over when they had their first child. All pregnancies carry some stress and it's really, really not worth getting wound up about particularly not the whole 'xyz' thing because honestly a lot of guff is talked on this subject. I'm not denying that there are risks but there are always risks whatever age you get pregnant at and it's frustrating the amount of crap thrown at older mothers. And seriously the clock isn't ticking either, I never thought about marriage, I met my husband when I was 33 and realised that he was someone I would actually marry so I did but trust me the world doesn't end when you turn 30.
Reply

emilyanne was starred emilyanne was unstarred

Penny
06/30/09

@DaisyGamble: Well, the babies thing is a way bigger deal for me. I don't care about getting married, although my boyfriend does. But at least he doesn't care if a baby comes before marriage. We're already living in sin, so who gives a shit?
Reply

Penny was starred Penny was unstarred

Penny
06/30/09

@emilyanne: I am actually looking forward to turning 30, and should clarify that it's not my own ambivalence that's worrying, but all of the outside pressure, you know?

I agree that "older" mothers get slammed with negative messages, and it also irritates me that they are called OLDER mothers. 33 and 36 is not old! I know it's in reference to the spectrum along childbearing, but still.

I'm sensitive.
Reply

Penny was starred Penny was unstarred

emilyanne
06/30/09

@Penny: ha no it's ridiculous. I certainly don't feel old. Tired and bored of being pregnant certainly but not old.
Reply

emilyanne was starred emilyanne was unstarred

tallgirl-in-heels
06/30/09

@emilyanne: This old, currently babyless lady thanks you for these words of reassurance. I swear, in the last couple of days I've read too many articles wherein 35 is some sort of cut-off age. Thereafter, life apparently plummets over the edge of a cliff. Normally I don't feel my age, but lately I've been bummed out a little about it. It's good to hear your rational, no drama voice through the din.
Reply

tallgirl-in-heels was starred

PreposterousHypothesis
06/30/09

@Penny: OK, as my disclaimer, I am not a crazy stalker. But Jez is weird and these things happen...

I had a dream over the weekend that I looked at your Web site; I don't know if it was a blog or Facebook or some kind of site. You had just had a baby. It was unclear if you were married or not but I think it was your current boyfriend who was the father. You were deliriously, insanely happy, and completely content. (Note that the only thing I know about your boyfriend is that you have one and you live together.)

I'm sorry if this is weirding you out at all; I was a bit weirded out myself, and even more so when I saw this post. Maybe this is some cosmic message that you shouldn't worry about it?
Reply

emilyanne
06/30/09

@tallgirl-in-heels: thanks - it drives me insane the amount of crazy and then your life ends at 35. The other bizarre thing is that suddenly 35 is old, i never thought of it as old, it's crazy. In my world everyone should just have fun and live their lives and people should stop trying to condemn those of us over 35 to the dustbin of life. My 30s have been excellent, vastly better than my 20s (although admittedly I can't remember swathes of my 20s).
Reply

emilyanne was starred emilyanne was unstarred

Penny
06/30/09

@PreposterousHypothesis: How funny! It's always interesting to hear about Jezebel dreams.

Also, if I get knocked up this month, I'm blaming you.
Reply

Penny was starred Penny was unstarred

Dodgergirl
06/30/09

In reply to Many Women Marry After 30 • Aussie Men Love Living With Mum
RUSH. Come on, I expected better from you. Obama isn't going to run again in 2016. He's doing away with all elections forever and ever hurray! You should start getting used to calling him Grand-Socialist-Czar-Emperor-Jesus Obama.
Reply

Dodgergirl was starred Dodgergirl was unstarred

lilbobbytables
06/30/09

@Dodgergirl: Or, as I call him, the Fatherly Leader.
Reply

lilbobbytables was starred lilbobbytables was unstarred

redqueenmeg
06/30/09

In reply to Many Women Marry After 30 • Aussie Men Love Living With Mum
I would like to know how I can avoid stressing out during this pregnancy considering the state of everything and the fact I'm our only source of income? Please, impart to me how I can remain Zen without time to sleep and so forth.
Reply

redqueenmeg was starred redqueenmeg was unstarred

AndYourLittleDogToo
06/30/09

@redqueenmeg: Yeah. I'm a stressed, unhappy pregnant lady. I don't know how knowing that I shouldn't be stressed and unhappy is going to help with that...
Reply

danicalynn
06/30/09

@redqueenmeg: One of my pregnancy books told me that stress hormones are bad for the baby. So now I am stressed about how my stress is affecting my baby. Awesome.
Reply

danicalynn was starred danicalynn was unstarred

emilyanne
06/30/09

@danicalynn: ignore all the pregnancy books, they're talking shite anyway most of them. Seriously babies are pretty damn indestructible for the most part and the last thing pregnant mums need is yet more shaming, it's ridiculous.

@redqueenmeg: generally don't worry about the baby, provided the baby is getting food ie you're eating and taking the vitamins, then the baby is fine, its more like a parasite then anything else. As for you - it's hard particularly as the only breadwinner, make sure that you have sometime that's just yours whether reading, having a bath, vegetating in front of the tv, ensure that your partner does shit for you, tell people who tell you not to stress out to fuck off. I find most of these things work, now if someone could tell me how to make the heat go away during my eighth month of pregnancy I'd be happy.
Reply

emilyanne was starred emilyanne was unstarred

femputer
06/30/09

@AndYourLittleDogToo: Man, I feel you so hard; my thoughts EXACTLY after reading that. And every other thing I've read along the same lines. It'll usually be just after reading how taking anti-depressants during pregnancy are going to leave a fucking hole in the kid's heart or something. Christalmighty. internet hugs for my sister in stressed out pregnancy.
Reply

femputer was starred femputer was unstarred

rodmanstreet
06/30/09

In reply to Many Women Marry After 30 • Aussie Men Love Living With Mum
If 86% of women were killed by plague by the time we reached 40, we'd all be sure we were going to die. And yet, when we read 86% of women will be married by 40, we all assume that we're that other 14%.
Reply

rodmanstreet was starred rodmanstreet was unstarred

lowkeylo
06/30/09

@rodmanstreet:

Well, I'm a WASP, I'm 39, and I've never been married.

I guess that makes me a big FAIL.
Reply

lowkeylo was starred lowkeylo was unstarred

BlondeGoddess
06/30/09

@lowkeylo: I'm 41 and single - so BIGBIG fail.

Ugh.
Reply

BlondeGoddess was starred BlondeGoddess was unstarred

Earlier discussions Other discussions Show all discussions Show featured discussions only Start a new discussion

#marriageandrace

Jezebel

SUBSCRIBE TO Jezebel

Many Women Marry After 30 • Aussie Men Love Living With Mum

Login

Reset Password

Register

Submit Your Comment