Night Of Too Many Stars? Or Night Of Too Many Bloated Dudes?

Jennifer — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 10:30:00 EDT

Aw, comedians who care! Or so was the premise of last night's "Night of Too Many Stars," the Comedy Central-backed benefit show which brought the big names in funny together to help children with autism. Only some of these pros brought the hotness however. (See Tina Fey at left.) But the men — Kelsey Grammer, Matthew Broderick, and even Robert Kennedy, Jr — all looked bloated in both face and ego. Thank goodness Jonah Hill was there to make up for it! The full Good, Bad and Ugly of "Night of Too Many Stars", after the jump.

The Good: Will Arnett and Amy Poehler: Please adopt me. Go ahead and call me crazy, but I think this is a great look for Rosie O. Aw, Susan Sarandon. Jonah Hill never fails to make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Susie Essman's dress proves that funny always triumphs over fashion.

The Bad: Eh, take that back. See: Kelsey Grammar and his scary-looking wife Camille. Dear Sarah Silverman: 1) I'm over you. 2) Get a new outfit.

The Ugly: Can someone tell me when Matthew Broderick morphed into a puffy alien? Um, yeah same for Robert Kennedy, Jr. And Maroon 5, whose egos are bloated.

[Images via Bauer-Griffin.]

Adam Levine Sounds Like He's Really Great In The Sack

Moe — Tue, 22 May 2007 19:39:09 EDT

While we can accept that Maroon 5 is the Police of our generation — and fine, Dave Eggers is Mark Twain and whatever else — a gentle reader alerted us today to some brand fucking new Maroon 5 lyrics that would never have been written by Sting:

I wanna give you something better
Than anything you've ever had
A stronger and a faster lover
The world, it disappears so fast
Sweet kiwi
Your juices dripping down my chin

Yeah, so the song is called "Kiwi," which we hope means her lady secretions were, ha ha, green. But the real head-scratcher here is: Why does Mr. Whiny "She Wiiiiill Be Loved" want to get the sex over harder and "faster"? See, we've long been under the impression that there were two types of sex: "Slayer Sex" and "Sade Sex." Turns out there's a third way! Which brings us to our poll:

Jezebel: maroon 5

Night Of Too Many Stars? Or Night Of Too Many Bloated Dudes?

Adam Levine Sounds Like He's Really Great In The Sack