The Good:
This whole evocation of earlier recession epochs is an odd one, but if you gotta do boho? The always-stunning Keisha Whitaker!


We're all over the bandage dress. But then sometimes you see one in a vibrant color, like Viola Davis, and there's no arguing with it.


Marisa Tomei channels Betty Catroux, never a bad idea.


I think we were rough on Jurnee Smollett earlier this week, which I hate, so it's with great pleasure that we welcome her back to her rightful place in Good!


Why the fruit isn't this amazing lady identified?! She is sporting harem pants, tunic, Conan-style belt, and what's either a knot of frabric or the world's teensiest turban!


With Reservations...
Sharon Stone: your dress is quite something. The shoes confuse everything. Tell us why?


When it comes to the lovely Angela Bassett, the fit's just not great.


What Say You?
Basically I just really like Alfre Woodard and don't want to put her in the Bad (because as we know tha's the worst thing that can happen to anyone) so I'm counting on you to convince me that this doesn't resemble a nightie!


Sure, there's a lot one could say about Shondrella Avery's getup...but points for making me smile?

[Images via Getty]

• Kiefer Sutherland surrendered to police yesterday for headbutting designer Jack McCollough. He was arrested and charged with a third-degree assault charge. He was photographed and fingerprinted. Then he left. [People]

• This report says Kiefer was not arrested, but received a desk ticket. [TMZ]
• This report says Kiefer was arrested but not jailed and should have a court date in the next few weeks. [Reuters]
• Kiefer looks handsome in spectacles! [Gothamist]
• This paper claims Kiefer Sutherland "strolled" into the police station, "as cool in a crisis as his 24 alter ego." [NY Daily News]
• And! This says Kiefer "meekly" surrendered to cops. [NY Post]
• Uh-oh. Anna Wintour is fucking pissed that the biggest story from the Met ball is Kiefer's headbutt. A source says: "Anna is furious that the Met Gala got upstaged by Kiefer doing something stupid at an after-party that wasn't even part of her event. Now that's all anyone is talking about, not her party. And she is so genuinely fond of Jack, she has supported him and Lazaro for years, she really feels they are part of the future of American fashion. So she's doubly annoyed." DOUBLY ANNOYED. This will not end well. [NY Mag]
• Brooke Shields has told friends that she was indeed "jostled" by Jack McCollough at the Met Gala, but it was "no big deal" and had more to do with her 6-inch heels and a dark and crowded room. In any case, maybe Kiefer thought Jack pushed her?!?! [TMZ]
• Lindsay Lohan has been taking her 15-year-old sister to parties and a source says: "Dina took Ali out of school and now all she does is hang out with Lindsay — who is back to drinking and partying hard. Ali is now wearing really skimpy outfits, and it's just sad. No one is in control. Where are children's services? Where is Dina?" Is this "source" Michael Lohan??? [Page Six]
• Rihanna had planned to wear thigh high lace-up Louis Vuitton boots to the Met Gala, but Madonna wanted to wear them and "and insisted that nobody else could be seen or photographed in them." Rihanna was fine with it. [Page Six]
• Amy Winehouse will play the St. Lucia jazz festival tonight, she says, "It also is an honour for me to appear on the same bill as great singers such as Chaka Khan and Patti LaBelle as well great jazz musicians like Monty Alexander and George Duke." And! She loves St. Lucia! "Since I first came to the island, I have been greeted with nothing but kindness and friendship, as well as incredible music and the most beautiful of settings. I have made friends for life and have been inspired by my surroundings. The laid-back lifestyle definitely suits me, it's a home from home with great beaches." Is it too late to catch a flight? [Mirror]
• Paula Abdul has something to say! "I want to make it perfectly clear to everyone that I have never been addicted to or abused drugs in my life," she says. "I have never been drunk." Wait, what?!?!? "I have never entered a rehab or detox treatment center. I spent time hiking, bicycling, doing yoga and enjoying the spa. As anyone who has visited the La Costa Resort knows, it is a luxury hotel, not a rehab facility." Oh. Hmm. But did you tell Ladies Home Journal you went there to kick your pill habit?!?! [E!]
• Megan Fox has something to say! "If you know how to take control of [being a sex symbol], then it can be powerful. But I have no idea how to handle it yet, how to deal with it. I don't want to have to be like a Scarlett Johansson — who I have nothing against — but I don't want to have to go on talk shows and pull out every single SAT word I've every learned to prove, like, 'Take me seriously, I am intelligent, I can speak.' I don't want to have to do that. I resent having to prove that I'm not a retard – but I do. And part of it is my own fault." [People]
• Jon Favreau used his Twitter account to describe Scarlett Johansson's first day in her Black Widow outfit on the set of Iron Man 2: "Scarlett's first day on set in the Black Widow outfit… You've never heard a crew get so quiet so fast." [Mirror]
• Five months after Jennifer Hudson's dude David Otunga proposed to her; she proposed right back with a "architectural and geometric" platinum and diamond men's ring. [People]
• Jennifer Aniston is acting in The Baster — the comedy about a woman whose best friend (Jason Bateman) secretly fathers her child when he swaps her intended artificial insemination sample with his own — and she is also the executive producer. She says of doing double duty: "I'm just exhausted." [USA Today]
• A judge is placing Roman Polanski's case on hold — not throwing it out; the judge said that because "Mr. Polanski doesn't intend to submit himself to the jurisdiction of the court," his motion for dismissal would be denied. [AP]
• Sparkly vampire and same-sex scene god Robert Pattinson has hit No. 1 on USA Today's high scientific Celebrity Heat Index, which measures media exposure. Some schmuck named Brad Pitt is No. 2. [USA Today]
• Sarah Jessica Parker has joined the board of the New York City Ballet and will host the Spring Gala next week, where Samantha Ronson will DJ. [Page Six]
• Again with this story: Sarah Jessica Parker's surrogate is a "bisexual tattooed rocker." And? [The Star]
• The pastor of Miss California Carrie Prejean would like all you haters to leave her alone. "We are all sinners. Christians aren't perfect," he says. "The pictures are from when she was 17, and they do not disqualify her from being able to share her opinion." [E!]
• "Smitten" Joe Jonas is desperately seeking a "lovenest" for he and girlfriend Camilla Belle to sneak off to, since his brothers always seem to be around. He may wear a purity ring but it certainly sounds like he's thinking some perfectly natural and wonderfully impure thoughts. GET IT. [Contact Music]
• Gwyneth Paltrow is "mulling" over whether to return to the London stage in a production of Chekhov's The Three Sisters. [Daily Mail]
• Meryl Streep on 30 Rock? "I would love to do that yes," she says. "It's an amazing show." Tina Fey: Make it happen. [Mirror]
• Time does "10 Questions With JJ Abrams." I like this one: Q: What is your favorite plot twist of all time? A: The one that comes to mind is the end of Planet of the Apes, when you realize, "Oh my God, he's never getting home because that is home." I just remember seeing that as a kid and I was like, "That's it. My brain just stopped." [Time]
• Lady GaGa's breast popped out during a video shoot. A source says she laughed and said: "You better make sure you airbrush my nipples!" [Gatecrasher]
• Ouch: Sacha Baron Cohen bleached all of his body hair to play Bruno, but "shortly after having the procedure done he felt a burning sensation and it grew steadily worse. It was so severe around a certain part of his anatomy that he couldn't sit down for three days." [Telegraph]
• "Paris [Hilton]: I don't keep a diary..I Google myself." [The Sun]
• A new biography claims Patrick Swayze didn't realize he was sick until it was nearly too late. [Gatecrasher]
• Samantha Morton spent the first 16 years of her life either in care or living in foster homes; now she has a film which will air on TV in the UK — called The Unloved — about a girl who grows up in the system. [Daily Mail]
• Keanu Reeves will star in the Universal Pictures retelling of the classic tale The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, which will be titled Jekyll. [The Hollywood Reporter]
• Ooh, Marisa Tomei and Liv Tyler will star in a psychological thriller called 10A/10B, about the relationship and consequences that result when a culinary perfectionist, portrayed by Tyler, and an actress with a failing career, played by Tomei, become neighbors in a loft apartment building. [Variety]
• "Farrah Fawcett's Friends Prepare To Say Goodbye." Ryan O'Neal says she "stays in bed now" and her treatment has "pretty much ended." [MSNBC Scoop]
• Leonard Nimoy is in the new Star Trek, and now JJ Abrams has also made him a guest-star on Fringe. [USA Today]
• A promoter from Suriname admits that he scammed people into thinking they were paying $53 to see Toni Braxton, when in fact they were watching Braxton impersonator Trina Johnson-Finn sing. [USA Today]
• Lenny Kravitz will tour the UK in July and take a guitar which belonged to Jimi Hendrix with him. [Daily Express]
• Ozzy Osbourne hearts Phil Collins. [Daily Express]
• Blind item! "Which top model's hubby is hoping some sexy literature will spice up their love life? He recently gave her a graphic tome and asked what she'd be into most." [Gatecrasher]
• "She wanted marriage, she wanted children; and not that I didn't want that, but I didn't want that at that time because I had just gotten out of a marriage, I'd just had kids… Yet we're up against her biological clock — that pressure is what cracked it. Because if somebody wants a child — man, that's the greatest gift you can give to a woman — so who are you to stand there and say I don't want one. So we were at different points in our lives. We were not compatible on that issue." — Lance Armstrong, on why he broke up with Sheryl Crow. [Page Six]
• "I couldn't even pick up a girl until I had a hit song. When that happened, in a club in Argentina, I rang my five best friends and said: 'Get down here, we are all going to get laid.' It was crazy what a hit could do. But I do hide behind my clothes a bit. I am the opposite of a playboy." — Enrique Iglesias. [Daily Mail]
• "There were some locations, that by all rights we were supposed to have access to — in front of certain churches, for instance. But two or three days beforehand we were requested not to shoot there by local officials. I think that church officials gave the word to the local government that they didn't want us filming in certain places." — Ron Howard on shooting Angels & Demons. [WSJ]
• "'My weakness - if you can call it that - was drugs. I took all sorts from a fairly young age, ecstasy and LSD among them. It almost led me to a very long period in jail. I was high on drugs, on one occasion, and threatened to kill one of the older girls I was living with, who had been picking on me." — Samantha Morton. [Daily Mail]
• "It used to be Diane Keaton – she always used to tell me, 'I'm terrible, I'm awful, I can't do it, you should get someone else.' And she was always brilliant. Well, Larry is like this. I'd always been a fan. I asked him to do it, and he said, 'But I can't act! I can only do what I do, I'm not an actor, you'll be disappointed. Those are the ones who can always do it. The ones that tell you how great they are can never do it. When it came time, he did it. And not just the comedy, which I expected, but all the other things which required acting, emotions and being touching." — Woody Allen, on Larry David, who stars in Allen's film, Whatever Works. [Independent]
• "The Hanso Foundation that started the Dharma Initiative hired this guy Valenzetti to basically work on this equation to determine what was the probability of the world ending in the wake of the Cuban Missile Crisis. Valenzetti basically deduced that it was 100 percent within the next 27 years, so the Hanso Foundation started the Dharma Initiative in an effort to try to change the variables in the equation so that mankind wouldn't wipe it itself out." — Lost's Damon Lindelof, on what the numbers 4, 8, 15, 16, 23, and 42 actually mean. [NY Mag]
• "It's real love. And we will be married forever and ever and ever. I legally changed my name to Pratt. I'm very excited. I thought about my dress for years. I knew everything I wanted. I knew I wanted a strapless, gorgeous, big, flowy, princess, fun, amazing dress, and that's what I had. I wanted it to be really classic but young and fun and fresh. I felt like a princess, and it was perfect. I was just sitting there in my dress, like, 'I am really about to marry the most amazing man, and this is such a great experience.'" — Heidi Montag. [Mirror]
• "It's so mainstream now. When you look at people who are transmitting the news to you on television they all look like they're in porn, the way they're quaffed. It's really crazy. There's this like hyper-grooming thing going on now, men and women. I was never thinking, oh, what an outré thing to do to put a porn actor in a quote-unquote normal movie. I just thought she was interesting." — Steven Soderbergh, on his new flick, The Girlfriend Experience. [WSJ]
• "Well, if I had to be addicted to something, it would be sex!" — Hayden Panettiere. [Page Six]

I mostly just watched E!'s red carpet coverage, but I had the TV Guide channel on my picture in picture, and was intermittently terrorized by phantom asshole pains when faced with the reminder of my occasional struggles with hemorrhoids.

Ryan Seacrest was slightly easier to look at, even though he was wearing more makeup than Jay Manuel. His hands are a totally different color than his face.

Hugh Jackman has some skin tone issues as well. Too much time in the Outback, mate. Or the spray tan booth. Whichevs.

Moving on from skin, let's talk hair. Alicia Keys' wig looked like a wig, much like that of Devyn's from The Real World: Brooklyn.

Those girls need to get in touch with Saaphyri. She makes and sells lace fronts.

And that reminds me: BOOBS! The boobs on this baby doll prop made me uncomfortable.

But not as uncomfortable as Sex and the Titty.

As for discomfort, Goldie had her birds on a wire.

And we could all see Reese's "invisible" bra.

As well as this dancer's "nude" bra, which perhaps made me understand the term "Jai Ho" a little better.

No discussion about boobs would be complete without mentioning Philip Seymour Hoffman's hat.

The actual setup of the stage was nice, despite the fact that it was flanked by streamers one would expect to see hanging in the doorways at a bar mitzvah.

I liked how the audience was extremely close to the stage.

But I have a feeling that Jennifer Aniston didn't.

She seemed to be happy that Brad Pitt didn't win "Best Actor" though.

The thing about Heath Ledger winning "Best Supporting Actor" is that when everyone started to cry, you could really tell who's had Botox and who hasn't.






And this one couldn't move her forehead if her career depended on it, which, eventually, it will.

Part of Penelope Cruz's acceptance speech was in Spanish. Sadly, it didn't involve the phrase, "in another life when we are both cats."

Real translation via Radar:

All of the loyal people of Spain are now sharing this moment with me and feel that this is theirs also. I dedicate it to them. To all of the actors of my country, many thanks!

Some other highlights: How hot is Marisa Tomei's boyfriend? His name is Logan Marshall Green and he's 12 years her junior.

What do you think Diane Lane was trying not to laugh about?

Sean Penn looked like he was constipated most of the night.

I loved the look on everyone's faces during the acceptance speech for "Best Foreign Language Film," which started off as, "I…am…here…because of…films."

Even his colleague was like, "Whaaa?"

The bitch in me loved when Zac Efron's hat fell off.

And the bitch in me loved the bitch in Sophia Loren.

[Los Angeles, CA. February 22. Image via Getty.]

Lauren A.E. Schuker's article goes on to count the many, many times a woman has been nominated for an Oscar for playing a stripper or a courtesan/prostitute: Natalie Portman, Charlize Theron, Mira Sorvino, Elisabeth Shue, Julia Roberts, Jodie Foster, Greta Garbo, Nicole Kidman, Elizabeth Taylor, Kim Basinger, Jane Fonda. The very first actress to win an Oscar was Janet Gaynor, who played a hooker in 1928's Street Angel.

Why do actresses take these parts, and why does Hollywood reward them? "There aren't and have never been a lot of great roles for women in Hollywood," says Patty Jenkins, who directed Charlize Theron in Monster. "Sadly, that creates this cliché that if a woman plays a prostitute, she wins an Oscar."

Jeanine Basinger (not related to Kim), who heads Wesleyan's Film Studies department, has a slightly different perspective: "The way to land an Oscar as a woman is either to take off your makeup or put on a lot more. You're either a prostitute/stripper or you're a mother/nun." Schuker adds: "As if to underline the point, Meryl Streep is up for an Oscar this year for her role as a nun in Doubt."

As for Marisa Tomei, she certainly embraced her role:

"My aim in the film was to honor the women I met and to represent them in a meaningful way. I wish there was a movie called The Stripper because I found out so much about these women, like the physical toll that dancing takes on a stripper's body, and on her feet, that we couldn't fit into the movie."

Clearly, strippers and hookers often have story arcs which are more complex, more interesting than roles like "quirky girlfriend" or "graceful wife." Can we blame actresses for being attracted to these characters? On the other hand, why does a woman have to play a sex worker to get props?

Stripping Your Way to Success [WSJ]

*Inspired by Shirley MacLaine's assertion that the best parts for actresses fall into one of the above categories.

• Suck on this: Madonna will be involved in New Moon, the Twilight sequel. Her Madgesty will not only be in the film, but supply music for the soundtrack. Brain exploding, brb. [ONTD via E!]

• Hayden Panettiere, 19, and Milo Ventimiglia, 31, are over. Done. Apparently "Hayden tried to break up with Milo many times since Christmas, but he wouldn't accept it." She wants to be free; he wants to settle down. [Star]
• Lily Allen and Perez Hilton are in a "Twitter catfight." He wrote: "If I wanted to be a fucked-up Brit, I'd rather be Amy Winehouse – whose[sic] got talent." She fired back: "God, you're like so obsessed with me its embarrassing." He sniped about her album being discounted; she called him a little parasite. Isn't the internet fun? [Telegraph]
• A charity set up by Prince Harry is accused of promising £30,000 to the children of poverty-stricken Lesotho, only to have the money fail to materialize. [Telegraph]
• Prince Harry also flew a training aircraft yesterday, despite failing his exams last week. [Daily Mail]
• David Beckham "finally got" wife Victoria to agree to move to Milan. Ciao, off you go! [The Sun]
• Chris Brown has hired Paris Hilton's spin doctor, Mike Sitrick. But Fox News's Roger Friedman says Sitrick is "universally disliked by the press" and that Chris is "clueless." [Fox 411]
• Julia Roberts looks beachy keen on the March cover of Allure and says she'd like to have dinner with the Obamas. "The girls can play with my kids." She also says: "I think it should be against the law to take a picture of a celebrity's child." [MSNBC Scoop]
• More from Julia in Allure, talking about her kids: "I will never be bored again… [I have] little time theives running around [the] house." And her life: "I'm the luckiest girl in town, I really am." Yawn! [People]
• Halle Berry will star in a flick called Who Is Doris Payne, about an international jewel thief whose career spanned five decades. Rejoice: Neither a hooker, a victim nor a doormat! [Variety]
• Drew Barrymore has a crush on Christian Bale. Back of the line, dear. [Mirror]
• Slumdog Millionaire's Freida Pinto wants a meaty, "ugly" role: "I don't want to be known as just a pretty face. I loved Charlize Theron in Monster. I want to play parts that are challenging and inspiring." Good luck! [Mirror]
• Peaches Geldof made the paper for wearing fishnet thigh-highs with garters. Slow news day? [The Sun]
• Wowza, check out Emily Blunt in this tribute to Blue Velvet. Lynchy! [BlackBook]
• Anne Hathaway, Anne Archer, Charlize Theron, Kerry Washington, Camryn Manheim, Jessica Alba, Maria Bello, Rosario Dawson and others were on hand for V-Day, a global movement to end violence against women, hosted by feminist playwright Eve Ensler and Glamour. [WWD]
• Grace Jones arrived so late for the African Fashion Collection bash the other night, the party was already over. [Page Six]
• Becki Newton, Ugly Betty's Amanda, swears the show is not cancelled: "We don't know what's going to be happening with the time slot, but we're well into season three, and we just got picked up for season four. There was panic for no reason." [Gatecrasher]
• Jackie Chan is starring in a new flick so violent that it's not being released in mainland China. Of course, that makes us want to see it. Okay, just saw a trailer and it looks epic. [AP]
• There's ultra-violence in Quentin Tarantino's new film, Inglourious Basterds; Nazis get scalped, hit by bats and machine-gunned down. [Page Six]
• PR queen Kelly Cutrone (seen on The Hills and The City) is friends with Eliot Spitzer's ex-hooker, Ashley Dupre. Cutrone says: "I met Ashley through friends in the music industry, I liked her and decided I would be nice to her. I will continue to be nice to her." [Page Six]
• Steven Van Zandt of The Sopranos and the E street band has a radio show, Little Steven's Underground Garage. [Guardian]
• Amy Fisher is a stripper now. "I am going to take this road until my fans tell me, 'Dear, please put your clothes back on. You're too old.'" [Page Six]
• Blind item! "Which crazy comic tells everyone about his, ummm, taste for booty whenever he's trashed? Talk about TMI!" [Gatecrasher]
• "A lot of people are scared of him, not just because of his position, but because of his temper. I don't think he ever had the time for 'la dolce vita.' I showed him how." —Carla Bruni on husband Nicolas Sarkozy. [Daily Mail]
• "Do I look like I care? I really don't think about [Joop or what he said]. What am I supposed to say? It's his opinion. What do you think?" — Heidi Klum, on being called "too heavy" to be a runway model. [Gatecrasher]
• "The character is learning lessons about consumption and debt like the rest of us right now. It feels fairly topical. Obviously the movie was conceived during a different economic period but she learns her lesson. It is a redemption story." — Isla Fisher, defending the timing of her Shopaholic picture. [Mirror]
• "She was the greatest show on earth last year. She was going through her issues in public... It was great to watch her spin out of control because it makes the average person feel better." — 50 Cent on Britney Spears, who helped inspire his album Before I Self Destruct. [MSNBC, Mirror]
• "I'm a sentimental person who's trying very hard to be a tough cynical person. This show has been more than a job for me; I met my wife on a remote, and we have two kids. I got my dog through this show. This has been a huge central part of my life. I'm quite good at denial, so I've been keeping it at bay. There's not time to dwell. (But) when we're doing the last show, it'll hit me. I'll probably cry like a baby." — Conan O'Brien on leaving Late Night for Tonight. [USA Today]
• "That was the least of our problems. I was always really proud of her success. I'm not a competitive person, and I have no aspirations to be a giant in this industry. I like making movies, but I never had designs on making $25 million a picture." — Ryan Phillippe, denying that he was ever jealous of wife Reese Witherspoon's success. [Contact Music]
• "I can't say that I'm still pole dancing. It's hard! I understand the hazards of the exotic dancer in a way I never imagined." — Marisa Tomei, on the skills she learned for The Wrestler. [Mirror]
• "I had to run and scream while wearing it! But it helps your posture, and certainly makes your boobs look fantastic. My internal organs now loathe me, however, so it might be good to do something in jeans and T-shirts. After all, I don't want to be typecast as the 'English rose' -that's boring, isn't it?" — Emily Blunt on wearing a corset in Wolf Man. [BlackBook]
• "Chris Brown's lies and excuses make me want to beat the crap out of him... He uses the language of the perpetrator just like every sleazy bastard who ever smacked his wife, kid, mother or girlfriend around uses. You dirty bastard, I hope you go to prison for ten years. IT'S YOUR FAULT, ASSHOLE! As for all the mealy mouthed Hollywood and music scene chicks that can't bring themselves to condemn a misogynistic bully, let me say this: Your time as whores for propaganda is ending, bitches." — Roseanne Barr. [ONTD]
• "I've been at war, without a doubt. I've really experienced the judgment of women in the past year. We say we want to be equal, but men don't sit around bitching at each other. There's no sisterhood." — Sienna Miller. [Mirror]

• Ladies and gentlemen: Mickey Rourke is reportedly dating Courtney Love, and has been for a few weeks. Somehow this makes perfect sense. [Telegraph]

• Prince Harry needs some sensitivity training, ASAP. He allegedly told a comic named Stephen Amos: "You don't sound like a black chap." Amos says: "I wanted to say, 'How is I supposed to sound?'" Feel free to *headdesk*. [The Sun]
• Britney Spears and Kevin Federline have worked out a custody deal and the kids will be joining Brit while she's on tour. She's going to rent a few homes — in New Jersey and in New Orleans — and K-Fed has the greenlight to stay there in order to minimize travel. It's daddy day care! [Yahoo News via E!]
• Ew, Adnan Ghalib was recently overheard saying: "I still love Britney. I'm her boyfriend. Britney has a beautiful soul. We share something really special. The truth about us will come out eventually, but it's not for me to talk about. I love her." By "dating" does he mean "sending text messages which her dad deletes"? [ONTD]
• Was Leona Lewis the reason Chris Brown and Rihanna were arguing over the weekend? A source says Rihanna saw them flirting… [Star]
• Apparently Rihanna's 911 call is mostly audio of a woman screaming. [Daily Mail]
• Rihanna's grandmother says: "I don't want people to worry. Rihanna is fine and she is doing well." [Nation News]
• Okay, so here's why Chris Brown is being charged for "criminal threats" (a possible nine year sentence) and not domestic violence (four years): He put his hands around Rihanna's neck and said, "I'm going to kill you." [E!]
• You know that Chris Brown is being represented by Mark Geragos, right? The same lawyer who lost Winona Ryder's shoplifting case. He did get Robert Blake acquitted, but he also repped Scott Peterson, who is on death row for killing his wife. [Fox 411]
• The subject of the octuplet mom's resemblance to Angelina Jolie made the cover of OK!. More on this in Midweek Madness. [MSNBC Scoop]
• These "lipstick sculptures" of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie look nothing like them. [Grazia]
• French First Lady Carla Bruni-Sarkozy in on her first trip as a goodwill ambassador for the Global Fund to Fight AIDS, Tuberculosis and Malaria. She's in Burkina Faso today, meeting with mothers and children infected with HIV. [AFP]
• Leonardo DiCaprio was presented with an International Green Award by none other than Mikhail Gorbachev yesterday. What did you do? [Gatecrasher]
• Prepare yourself: Madonna and Demi Moore are teaming up to co-host an Oscar party. Do you have to be a foxy older lady to get in? [E!]
• By the by: Madonna's Sticky & Sweet summer tour in Europe is already all sold out. [Perez]
• Robert Downey Jr goes off on a shrub, a la Christian Bale, sorta. [Reelz Channel]
• For crying out loud, can't Jessica Simpson have a couple of beers without people writing that she didn't "seem too concerned about her weight" ?!?!?! [Page Six]
• Osbournes: Reloaded is the new variety/comedy show from The Osbournes, and there's a video preview up now. Pranks, sketches and weird dares, all with adorable accents! [Rolling Stone]
• Diablo Cody's United States Of Tara has been picked up for a second season. [Variety]
• Angela Bassett wants to play Michelle Obama, not that there's a movie in the works or anything. [Telegraph]
• Federal prosecutors want a judge to revoke Joe Francis's bail as he awaits trial; he's on house arrest, but that means he gets to watch Girls Gone Wild DVDs right? [AP]
• Forbes has named "Hollywood's Most Bankable Stars" and Will Smith is number one. Johnny Depp and Leonardo DiCaprio follow closely, and Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are right behind. [Reuters]
• Daniel Dae Kim, aka Jin from Lost, is spilling secrets: The Smoke Monster will be unveiled! [AP]
• Yay! Ugly Betty is thisclose to getting renewed for a fourth season. Raise your hand if you need more Wilhelmina, Marc and Amanda in your life. [EW]
• Kevin James, Chris Rock, Adam Sandler, Rob Schneider and David Spade may star in a comedy about five best friends from high school who reunite 30 years later on a Fourth of July weekend. Not to be confused with Paul Blart Mall Cop 2: Electric Boogaloo. [Variety]
• Anthony Hopkins and Josh Brolin will star in a Woody Allen film; the plot is under wraps. [Variety]
• Elaborate, tangled negotiations behind the Sundance hit Push — based on the novel by Sapphire — will make your head spin. The Weinsteins are involved. [Hollywood Reporter]
• Here's a picture of Bee Gee Robin Gibb, who got his housekeeper pregnant, standing with his wife, Dwina. The housekeeper just gave birth and the baby's name is Snow Robin; Gibb says "New life is heaven-sent and is a blessing. That's what I can say about children and life." What do you say about cheating on your wife? [The Sun, Daily Mail]
• Breaking: John Cleese seen with "mystery redhead." [Daily Mail]
• First of all, Gretchen Mol and her son are on the cover of Cookie. Second of all, her son's name is Ptolemy. Third of all, she says: "When he's having a tantrum, I am not going to look it up in a book and say, 'Okay, 14 months old? Check.' I just deal with whatever is thrown at me." [People]
• Blind item! "Which hard-partying starlet lost her virginity to her best friend's stepdad?" [Gatecrasher]
• "Watching David Letterman after 9/11, I was like, 'Wow, that's exactly how I feel.' And hopefully I can be a voice of America like that; hopefully people will say, 'I wonder what Jimmy Fallon thinks.' When it's like, 'Jimmy Fallon's a douchebag,' what am I gonna do? I don't wanna be one. But I don't know what to do differently to make that guy like me." — Jimmy Fallon, in W. [Page Six]
• "I actually made the choice to be straight as a kid. Early on I knew [being gay] wasn't gonna fly. No way. And from the teachers and church and all it was, This is wrong! What's wrong with me? And you pray and ask God to take it away, and you bury it and bury it, and you shut that part of yourself off. Then you try to live the life that you're supposed to live." — Wanda Sykes, in an amazing interview with The Advocate. [ONTD]
• "I was out at work, I was out to my family, I was out to my friends. I lived my life as a lesbian. But because I'm a celebrity I have to do this additional step, which is to tell total strangers that I'm a lesbian. I didn't know it would be this liberating. I hate identifying myself as a celebrity… I'm still not there. I'm a closeted celebrity." — Wanda Sykes. [ONTD]
• "I read the instructions, which is like you've got to put your top five in order and if the number one that you've chosen isn't really doing very well, then they move on to your number two and include that with the one that is doing well, if you see what I mean. I did get a say on that form. I got to put a vote in. I voted for Mickey Rourke. Isn't he great in that film?" — Chris Martin, on "helping" wife Gwyneth Paltrow cast her Oscar ballots. [Telegraph]
• "I do a lot better if I sit around and think about a character for a couple of months. Before I climb into him for a run, I've just sat on my ass thinking about him, just reading, plodding around my house, driving my girls to school, fixing eggs. Like that. There's not a lot of transformation in it. I'm still just a driver to my children." — Clive Owen, from a feature in Esquire with lovely photos. [Esquire]
• "She has the potential to be the greatest artist of all time and, in that sense, I feel like that's my baby sis and I would do any and everything to help her in any situation. I don't want to speak more into the specifics with that situation, but all I'll say is it's just so devastating. I feel like, just as a person, I don't care how famous she is or even if she just worked at McDonald's, that should never happen. It should never come to that place." — Kanye West on Rihanna. [Concrete Loop]
• "I'm not that big a fan of marriage as an institution and I don't know why women need to have children to be seen as complete human beings" — Marisa Tomei to Manhattan. [Page Six]

• Kelly Osbourne checked into Oregon's Hazelden Alcohol and Drug rehabilitation center on Wednesday. Her mom, Sharon Osbourne, says:

"She knew that it was the right thing to do at this point and we're proud that she did it. The family is all standing behind her. Kelly knew that she needed help and she's getting it." [Star]

• This is 24-year-old Kelly's second time in rehab; she went when she was 18. [Daily Mail, The Sun]
• The SoHo apartment in which Heath Ledger died has yet to be rented. It's empty, and had been on the market, but was taken off last month. [UPI]
• Heath Ledger's sister says of her family: "We are still all nursing broken hearts. Like anyone who loses a family member, it has opened our eyes to the intense suffering and painful journey that is death." [People, News.com.au]
• During an Oscar Roundtable, Brad Pitt was asked if he Googles himself and said: "Dear God. No. Never. First of all, I don't really know how to operate a computer." But! Robert Downey Jr says: "Oh, I love all that shit, personally. Sorry. I love it. Because it's a hoot. Some people overstate their support, like they know you. Other people are busy doing something else and just want to go on this chat site and say some despicable character assassination, which I honestly think they kind of nailed it. I do have that shortcoming. It's really fun." [Perez]
• Mariah Carey was "furious" on inauguration day, because she was seated in the VIP section instead of with the Obama family. So she bailed on the ceremony. LOL. [Page Six]
• Engaged: Mad Men's Elisabeth Moss and SNL's Fred Armisen. That was quick! [Yahoo News via E!]
• Gisele and Tom Brady: Not engaged, despite persistent rumors. [NY Mag via Boston Herald]
• Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony's marriage seems totally fine, despite all the rumors. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Someone's been spreading a rumor that Kanye West is going to do bisexual porn; Kanye says it's not true and "PLEASE I BEG YOU GIVE ME A BREAK!!!!" [ONTD]
• The appellate court has granted an emergency stay in Roman Polanski's sex abuse case; a proceeding scheduled for Wednesday has been postponed. [UPI]
• Kate Hudson is in the Rob Marshall film adaptation of the Broadway musical Nine, playing a fashion writer for Vogue. Hudson, who sings and dances and the flick, says: "I was taking dance since I was a little girl. So to do it with a choreographer like Rob, you could only hope to work with him. It's a childhood dream." [USA Today]
• Is David Beckham in love with Milan and hoping to stay in Italy forever? [Daily Mail]
• Pregnant Gossip Girl star Kelly Rutherford continues to spar with her estranged husband in court; the hubs wants custody because he says she's always working, and Rutherford counters: "If I'm being asked to choose my career over my son, I choose my son. [But] I need this job to pay my bills, legal bills, and [my husband] has offered no support." [People]
• A security gate fell on Tom Cruise's car at Heathrow airport, but Xenu made sure no one got hurt. [TMZ]
• Mickey Rourke is being offered $250,000 to play Crimson Dynamo in Iron Man 2. That's what's known as "lowballing." [Perez]
• Did anyone see Sigourney Weaver flash her underwear on The View? [Daily Mail]
• So you know how Sienna Miller is out as Maid Marian in Ridley Scott's Nottingham? Well Kate Winslet has passed on the role. An offer has gone out to Cate Blanchett, but she's expected to decline as well. Is it that no one wants to kiss Russell Crowe as Robin Hood? [Fox 411]
• By the by, Sienna Miller will make her Broadway debut in September, playing Miss Julie in After Miss Julie. [Daily Mail]
• Marisa Tomei met an exotic dancer named Misty when she was researching her role in The Wrestler and says even though she learned some pole dancing moves for the film, "I ended up not using all of them… I guess you can say I still have some tricks up my sleeve." [Page Six]
• Blind item! "Which d-bag actor beats his beautiful action-star girlfriend?" [Gatecrasher]
• Patrick Swayze and his wife of 33 years are working on a memoir together. [UPI, EW]
• "I am your father!" James Earl Jones is getting a lifetime achievement award at the SAG event on Sunday. Did you know he was one of the first black actors to play a president on film, in 1972's The Man? [USA Today]
• Lost's season premiere bombed, ratings-wise, with numbers down 25% from last season. [Fox 411]
• Simon Cowell fired Kelly Brook from Britain's Got Talent and is now apologizing and offering her a role on spinoff Britain's Got More Talent. Fun? [Daily Mail]
• Alex James from Blur says when he had a record label in the '90s, he didn't sign Coldplay becayse "they were ordinary." [The Sun]
• Prepare yourself for a new celebrity offspring in the spotlight: Simon Le Bon's daughter Amber is 18, gorgeous, leggy and ready to party. [Daily Mail]
• News you cannot use: Andy Dick is trisexual. "I'll try anything," he told Tyra Banks on an upcoming show. "I really have tried everything, except nothing with animals. There's only room for one animal - that would be me." [NY Daily News]
• SNL funnylady Kristin Wiig will appear on an episode of Flight Of The Conchords, playing a woman both Bret and Jemaine fall for! [Chicago Tribune]
• Ouch: Larry King lost over $1 million by investing with Bernard Madoff. [Page Six]
• Ugh, they're already casting for round two of Paris Hilton's My New BFF. As for the "winner" of the first season, a spy says: "Paris treats her BFF like an unpaid assistant." [Page Six]
• "A 50-year-old woman is equivalent to 40 when I was growing up. If you take care of yourself, 60 is nothing for women these days. In today's world you can be the kind of woman you want to be. I remember my grandmother wearing the apron and the hairdo, but that's gone. Believe me, that is totally finished." — Tina Turner. [Daily Mail]
• "I just hope I can stay famous enough for a little bit so someone rich will marry me. That’s all I really care about these days." — Lily Allen, who looks smoking hot in these pictures from Interview magazine. [Daily Mail]
• "I don't know if this film is going to help my box-office career. The fans who liked my earlier films, who watch films to escape and have some fun, this won't be their cup of tea. But I think I will gain a different kind of audience." — Jean-Claude Van Damme on JCVD. [Guardian]
• "There is a lot of whisper acting these days. Paul Giamatti in John Adams whispered most of his dialogue. Not to criticize him, but, one, I'm hard of hearing. And, two, voice is voice. Not aspiration. A whisper is a raspy sound. A voice is a full sound. Speech is a very important aspect of being human. A whisper doesn't cut it." — James Earl Jones. [USA Today]
• "I've got so many stunning girlfriends who can't get a boyfriend. But when I go out here, I get asked out all the time, and my girlfriends — who are better looking than me — say, 'How the hell does that happen?!' Maybe it's because I'm comfortable with myself." — Heather Mills, underminer. [Page Six]
• "YOOOO WHY WON'T YOU LET ME BE GREAT!!! I HAD THE TWO GREATEST DAYS OF MY LIFE AND WHEN I GET BACK FROM THE LOUIE SHOW I READ SOME SHIT CLAIMING I SAID I'M DOWN TO DO PORN AND SOME BISEXUAL PORN!!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE THE AVN WOULD POST FIRST PEOPLE BELIEVED THE TWITTER/STEVEN COLBERT THING, ROLLING STONE EVEN PRINTED IT!!!! NOW SOMEBODY HAS BEEN HACKING INTO MY MYSPACE AND SOMEBODY'S ACTUALLY HACKED INTO MY PERSONAL GMAIL ACCOUNT AND HAS BEEN EMAILING PEOPLE FROM IT... HEY WORLD I NO LONGER HAVE A GMAIL!" — Kanye West, naturally. [ONTD]

The Good:

Was Michelle Obama's Jason Wu (which I've already heard called "bridal" and "toga-like") the gown of our dreams? Maybe not, but she looked stunning. Here, at the Western Ball.


How gorgeously festive is Jill Biden at the Commander in Chief's Ball?


Kerry Washington - at the Creative Coalition Ball at the Harman Center- heats things up a few degrees!


Love, love, love how much fun Marisa Tomei - at CC - is having with this!


Speaking of retro! Beyonce was Etta James-glam at the Neighborhood Ball!


Anne Hathaway (at Creative Coalition)does classic glam like a pro.


Amy Brenneman (at the Inaugural Purple Ball at the Fairmont Hotel) is a brave woman in 30's-style silk!


Heather Graham's CC gown is subdued, but undeniably elegant.


Alfre Woodard (at the Harman) is absolutely pristine.


I love the boldness of Susan Sarandon (at CC) doing menswear!


At Creative Coalition: Kim Raver rocks the ethereal trend to good affect!


The Bad:
Danielle Bisutti's Purple Ball gown is like "Poison" perfume in dress form. If that's what you're going for...!


Rachael Leigh Cook's CC gown has about ten too many tiers.


Another ruffly choice: Ashley Judd's PB pick reminds me of the toilet paper gowns I used to make my dolls!


Loving Shani Rigsbee's squash-like color choice for the PB, but why so tight?


I like plenty about Kate Walsh's CC dress...but what's with the belt notches?!


[Images via Getty]

The Good:
Single-piece? Separates? Either way, digging on Teri Hatcher's getup!


Loving Shakira's sheath so much more than yesterday's head of lettuce!


In another return to form, Rosie Perez goes with classic LBD.


What a feeling! Jennifer Beals channels Jezebel...and Jezebel!


Say what you will about Ari, she knows how to dress for D.C....provided, that is, there's some nude material under that bodice!


Leaving aside why Hayden Panettiere should get to go to all these inaugural fetes when we can't...she looks lovely.


The Bad:
Oh, Marisa.


Oh, Diane!


Sharon Stone has, arguably, looked more elegant, less furtive.


We're all for saving the snow leopards, but really, Tracee Ellis Ross?


The Ugly:
No, not Kerry Washington! Let this robotic horror be a pre-inaugural nightmare!

[Images via Getty]

The Good:
Marisa Tomei does bombshell like nobody's business.


Can you say "regal?"


Hey, remember this look from the runways? Debra Messing takes it to reality without a ripple.


I guess this is part of Reese's "new look," but she looks as cleanly chic as always.


Wearying of the bandage dress, but if you gotta do it, Jessica Stroup shows how: Leger can innovate!


Dakota Fanning is proving to have a knack for age-appropriate and flattering looks at an age when a lot of young stars falter. How perfect is this color?


Jennie Garth looks demure in retro black, great accessories.


You feel like Robin Tunney just had this DVF in her closet: cute and recession-appropriate!


Malin Akerman is so cute and sassy; this casual dress is, too.




The Bad:
We came down hard on poor Nikki Cox earlier this week, but it must be said: the woman forgot her pants.


Stars tend to claim this sort of thing is "fun." I hope Kate's having some, cause we're certainly not!


Jordin Sparks looks like a professional gift-wrap job gone horribly awry.


So, AnnaLynne McCord demonstrates what's problematic about the bandage dress: for the most part, it feels as soulless and conveyor-belt as a Kate Spade bag.


Looks like these other two onlookers are also snarking on Paula Marshall's weird tap shoes.


Jennifer Morrison: the Austrian government called. They want their Klimt back.


Teri Hatcher is eaten by a sinister bow monster wit evil ninja powers.


On the one hand, these soft colors are nice on Jewel. On the other, doesn't it look like a cheap summer dress?


Paris Hilton's vaguely grotesque babydoll kind of reminds me of the accordian-pleated dress Tib wears to dance the "Baby Dance." You know, when Betsy and Tacy premiere the "Cat Duet?"

[Images via Getty]

• Very-pregnant Jennifer Garner and hubby Ben Affleck have been "spotted" entering Cedars-Sinai hospital: please let them dress the baby in a little top hat and "2009" banner! [TMZ]

• Turks and Caicos police have dropped all charges against both Hairspray kinda-star Nikki Blonsky and would-be Top Model Bianca Golden following July's rather unbecoming family rumble. Blonsky's father Carl still faces assault charges. [E]
• People magazine is denying that it has bought the rights to photographs of Bristol Palin and her newborn son, Tripp. Says the magazine's editor, ""Would we pay for a picture of her and her kid? I don't know. It's something I would consider. It's not something I would rule out of hand." Translation: he's still negotiating. [Anchorage Daily News]
• Somebody really ought to tell Paul Reiser he's dead, because Wikipedia Never Lies! According to the professional nebbish's bio, "On December 27th, 2008 Reiser was discovered dead in the Squallahassee River where he reportedly enjoyed fly fishing. No foul play was suspected." These exaggerated reports have since been removed. [E]
• Neither we nor Benji Madden had heard he was dating Britney Spears. Unlike us, he presumably would care. "That one was news to me. My friend called me and asked if I was dating Britney because he read it somewhere and I was like, what?" [People]
• Speaking of Britney! Her brother Bryan is getting married tonight, to Jamie-Lynn's manager Graciella Sanchez, a woman with an unnaturally high tolerance for this family. [Perez Hilton]
• Amy Winehouse and Blake Incarcerated have a Norwegian court date set for January 12th, following last year's drugs-possession arrest. [Yahoo]
• David Beckham and his temp team, AC Milan, have been forced by "the ruler of Dubai" to cancel their New Year's Eve partying out of solidarity with the Palestinians. We're sure that went over well with a group of Italian athletes. [Mirror]
• And Becks won't even have any free Pepsi to drink! He and the soft drink have split, to everyone's satisfaction. [Reuters]
• Oddly enough, Cloris Leachman will be the grand marshal of this year's Rose Bowl Parade. She says she will not dance in the streets, will do the coin toss before the game with Penn State. [AP]
• Kevin Costner's county music career makes us sad and uncomfortable. And he clearly has no relationship with Bodyguard costar Whitney Houston. [Extra]
• Marisa Tomei's unwillingness to say Mickey Rourke was difficult to work with makes it seem like Mickey Rourke was really difficult to work with. "There were no shenanigans on the set. That's all I'll say." [Parade]
• Queen Latifah has been robbed of $10,000 worth of jewels while vacationing in Black Rock Tobago, news which Perez Hilton still manages to try to use to out her. [Perez Hilton]
• Professional charmer Simon Baker has caught Election Fever! Quoth the Antipodean smoothie, "The morning after your election in November, I said to my wife Rebecca, ‘You know, I'm thinking about becoming an American,' and then she said that she felt the same way." Yeah, when you do, say hi to all those people who "moved to Canada" after the last election. [People]
• 30 Rock sneak peeks: need we say more? Okay, then, Tracy wears a shirt made out of money. [E]
• DJ AM sets the record straight, sort of. "I want to take a second to address the hurtful posts and clear up any misunderstandings any of you may have about my law suit. I would NEVER sue the deceased pilots' estates or personal holdings. I am more than grateful that I survived this horrible accident and I'd never try to take anything from those that didn't. Despite the misinterpretations of the lawsuit, this suit is against the insurance companies that insured the pilots. I'm not after Sarah's or James' personal estates nor their property. Everyone involved in this suit has suffered a great deal, and I would not do anything to make matters worse for the deceased family and friends." It still doesn't really explain why you're suing but...carry on! [Perez Hilton]

• Did a knock down, drag out fight with Lilo land Samantha Ronson in the hospital for "exhaustion"?

• According to TMZ: "Neighbors tell us [Lindsay and Sam] were going at it for a long time, but it reached a crescendo at around 4:00 AM after one of them screamed at the other, 'You never say you love me.'" [TMZ
• Gwyneth Paltrow, Madonna and Stella McCartney had a girls night out in London after Madge handed over her kids to ex-husband Guy Ritchie for the evening. Madge obviously knows that the best break up medicine (besides an affair with A-Rod) is a night out with the ladies. [Daily Mail]
• Lance Armstrong is expecting another child with girlfriend Anna Hansen. He has three children from his first marriage to ex-wife Kristin. [People]
• Girl Next Door Kendra Wilkinson is engaged to NFL player Hank Baskett. The wedding is slated for June 27 at, where else? The Playboy mansion. Initially she wanted ex-sugar daddy Hugh Hefner to give her away, but now Kendra is having second thoughts. [People]
• DJ AM, aka Adam Goldstein, is taking a page from fellow plane crash survivor Travis Barker and suing a bunch of people. "DJ AM is suing the estates of the two pilots who died in the crash as well as Clay Lacy Aviation, Global Exec Aviation, Inter Travel & Services Inc, Goodyear Tire and Rubber Co, and Learjet." He claims the pilots knew that the tires were shot and attempted to take off anyway. "Damn," says Michael K. of Dlisted. "I can understand suing companies and shit, but suing the estates of the pilots? I wonder if the pilots left behind any kids that need food, clothes and a roof over their heads. It seems a little extreme to try to fuck with the families, but I don't know the details and shit, so I will leave it at that." Word to that entire sentiment. [Dlisted]
• Marisa Tomei, 44, was conspicuously canoodling with Logan Marshall-Green, 32 (otherwise known as "Trey" from the O.C.) at the LA premiere of the Wrestler. You go Marisa! [Page Six]
• Apparently Suri Cruise gets 100 pieces of fan mail a day from all around the world. She is egregiously adorable. [Star]
• Slow gossip day, guys: Page Six reports that Bridget Moynahan uses the same dentist as her estranged baby daddy, Tom Brady. Riveting! [Page Six]
• Scar Jo's snot-filled Kleenex eventually went for $5,300 on eBay. Merry Christmas…sorta. [NYDN]
• Jennifer Hudson will perform a gospel song for her departed mom at the 2009 Grammys. [NYDN]
• Long dead drug kingpin Pablo Escobar loved Elvis, and even played his records when he was in the clink. Jailhouse rock indeed! [Page Six]
• Spencer Pratt keeps running his mouth about Heidi Montag's momma. "I just had visions of her mom trying to kill me in my sleep so I saw that as a possibility," he said at the Hills season finale party. Dear Momma Montag: we hope you have a Spencer-free Christmas and a happy New Year. [ASL]
• Ricky Martin: living la vida loca for 37 years as of today. [Dlisted]
• Though he's making a government salary now, from his Christmas shopping spree at Hermès, it's obvious that Arnold Schwarzenegger used to make the big movie star buckies. [ASL]
• Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon are in Aspen for Christmas, and Mariah says she always gets holiday-themed lingerie. “Honestly, I always get Santa lingerie. Even if nobody’s going to see it! I mean, why not? But this year I’m definitely excited because it’ll be appreciated!” Mimi says. Cant'…won't…make this lame joke…sigh. Ho ho ho, Mariah! There. I said it. [Just Jared]
• Poor Ben Stiller has to spend Christmas in a cast. He broke his hand snowboarding over the weekend. [E! Online]

• "It's not like she's asking him for details, but she's thrilled at the prospect of him moving on. It makes things easier for everybody," says a source. Meanwhile, Madge is trying to keep a "low profile" on her "friendship" with A-Rod. [MSNBC]
• Don't count on Reese Witherspoon tying the knot with Jakey G. any time soon (you were waiting for this with bated breath, we assume): Reese says she's not sure she'll ever get married again. "I don't know [if I'll get married again]. I don't think about it much. At the moment, I am not far enough out of being married to think about doing it again," she says. [ Daily Mail]
• Rumors are rampant that Russell Crowe is clashing with director Ridley Scott on the set of the film Nottingham. A source tells Page Six, "Ridley is the only one who is willing to stand up to Russell and tell him he's too fat and that he can't show up four hours late to the set…[Russell] wants someone he can control." Russell plays the Sheriff of Nottingham in this new version of the Robin Hood tale. [Page Six]
• Though initial speculation was that Levi Johnston's mother, Sherry, was involved in selling meth, she was actually apprehended for selling oxycontin, otherwise known as "hillbilly heroin." She's currently out on bail. [McClatchy]
• Eric Dane is still not over the fact that ex-ladyfriend Lara Flynn Boyle was dating Jack Nicholson while she dated Dane in the 90s. "My take on the whole thing was, I'm 30. He's 70. This is not going to go down like this. I couldn't comprehend a 35-year-old woman gravitating toward a 70-year-old man . . . I walked away," Dane says. [Page Six]
• Sam Ronson's Lilo love has been quite lucrative: since the pair got together, SamRon's DJ fee has gone from $1,500 to as much as $25,000 per event. “While Sam never contractually agrees that Lindsay will show up to her shows, promoters, owners and publicists all know that if you book Sam, there’s a high likelihood Lindsay will also show,” an "insider" tells the Daily News. However, the couple apparently bickers constantly. [NYDN]
• Sad news for Led Zep lovers! Robert Plant has said that he does not want to do a reunion tour. "I still see Jimmy [Page] quite a lot and he's very complimentary and supportive of what I'm doing," Plant says. "But we are in different places now and you have to go on to do different things." Then he added, "Do you know how long it took me to climb up onto the stage here - and it's only four steps!" Aw. We've got a whole lotta love for Robert. [Telegraph]
• Tom Hanks is literally the nicest guy in Hollywood: to help raise money for a failing independent book seller called Village Books in Pacific Pallisades, Hanks "sat at at a small table in the back signing everything put in front of him…He stayed a half-hour beyond his scheduled two-hour appearance." The store is now catching up on back rent thanks to Hanks' generosity. Love!!! [Page Six]
• All the British tabs have photos of a no longer skeletal Amy Winehouse frolicking on the beach in St. Lucia. Some are speculating that she is really getting off drugs this time: fingers crossed. [The Sun — Link NSFW]
• "She's keeping it fresh for her customers. I wanted to do nipple rings, and (Aronofsky) said, 'I love it.' And I knew we were on the same page. They pinched them on and used eyelash glue. My breasts got a lot of attention that day." — Marisa Tomei on her role as a stripper in The Wrestler. [ USA Today]
• Paris Hilton's mom, Cathy, had this to say about the recent burglary of $2 million worth of jewelery from Paris's Hollywood Hills home: "I'm just happy that she's okay. But you can't be possessed by your possessions. Those are just things. And I'm happy that she's okay." [E! Online via Yahoo News]
• Unlike her mama, Paris is not so happy-go-lucky about the robbery. "I am devastated. I cannot believe someone broke into my home. They took items that had such sentimental value that no one will ever be able to replace," she says. [Extra]
• A recording of John Lennon drunk and singing a cover of the Lloyd Price song "Just Because" in 1973 was purchased for $30,000. A spokeswoman from the auction house said, "It was six minutes, 16 seconds, and John singing very drunk and with John ad-libbing his own lyrics into the song — so it's actually a fun song to listen to." Hear that people? Start recording your drunk ass singing, it might be worth tens of thousands some day! [CNN]
• A new biography of the King of Pop claims that Michael Jackson is gravely ill. “He needs a lung transplant, but may be too weak to go through with it. He also has emphysema and chronic gastrointestinal bleeding, which his doctors have had a lot of trouble stopping. It’s the bleeding that’s the most problematic part. It could kill him," says biographer Ian Halperin. Halperin alleges that Jackson has "an inherited condition called A1AD — alpha-1 anti-trypsin deficiency. Sufferers lack a protein which protects the lungs." Yikes! [The Sun]
• There will be no strollers allowed at Obama's inauguration, but not because they're a nuisance — but because they're a security risk. Thermoses, backpacks, and chairs will also not be allowed on the inauguration route. [TMZ]

[Hollywood flea market, October 4. Image via x17.]

[New York, June 23. Image via Bauer-Griffin]

*Inspired by Shirley MacLaine's assertion that the best parts for actresses fall into one of the above categories.

• Marisa Tomei, The Wrestler: Tomei plays the stripper-girlfriend of a washed-up wrestler played by Mickey Rourke in this drama set in the 1980s. Stripper? Not the same as a hooker for sure, but close enough for our purposes. Also, something tells me that living with a pro-wrestler might lead to some domestic abuse. Just guessing! Verdict: Hooker, with possible undertones of victim.
• Gina Gershon, Love Ranch: Oh, my, GOD this is a must see! Helen Mirren and Joe Pesci are the husband and wife owners of a Nevada brothel (wait, it gets better). They fall into a love triangle with a South American boxer, and according to the Hollywood Reporter, a state senator also becomes entangled in their "sordid affairs." Gershon plays one of the hookers in the love ranch stable. Though I'm dying to see it, the Verdict is still: Hooker.
• Renee Zellweger, My One And Only: In this biopic of actor George Hamilton's life, Zellweger plays his mother, a fancy dame named Anne Deveraux, who is on an East Coast quest to find a rich husband. Verdict: looking for a man to bankroll your lifestyle? That's Hooker behavior through and through.
• Penelope Cruz, Elegy: Cruz plays the student to Ben Kingsley's horny old English professor. Reuters describes Kingsley's character as "charismatic and selfish," and for gods sakes, this movie is based on a Philip Roth novel! Verdict: Victim. Exploiting the power dynamic between professor and student is one of the oldest and grossest tricks in the book.
• Emma Thompson , An Education: Thompson plays the headmistress of a school in this story of a 17-year-old girl who starts dating a 35-year-old sports car driving playboy (Peter Sarsgaard). Thompson's character gets pissed because the girl is putting her chances of admission to Oxford in jeopardy by focusing on her new beau. Verdict: Thompson is OK! 35-year-old dating a teenager? Majorly sketchy.
• Michelle Pfeiffer,Cheri: Pfeiffer is in talks to play the title role in this adaptation of a Collette novel by the same name. She plays a woman who dates the wealthy son of one of her friends. According to Variety, " When he is forced to give up the six-year relationship after marrying someone else, the young man can't forget her and retreats into a fantasy world." Verdict: a woman so alluring that she causes her young honey to go nuts? This broad sounds OK!
• Kristen Bell, When In Rome: Kristen plays a "love-starved" New York City curator who steals magical coins from a fountain in Rome. The magical pocket change causes dudes to aggressively court her like they never have before. Not only does this sound like a blatant rip-off of Love Potion Number 9, but Bell's "love-starved" character sounds like your run-of-the mill romantic comedy heroine Doormat.

Tomei Joins Aronofsky's 'Wrestler' [Variety]
'Ranch' Wrangles Three [Hollywood Reporter]
Zellweger To Star In 'One And Only' [Variety]
Cruz, Kingsley Play Lovers In New Film "Elegy" [Reuters]
'Education' Gets Four Stars [Hollywood Reporter]
Miramax, Pathe Work Out 'Cheri' [Variety]
Bell In 'Rome' At Disney [Hollywood Reporter]

• Sean Penn and Robin Wright Penn are divorcing. Which is heartbreaking. We just don't want to think of Princess Buttercup feeling sad. [People]
  
• Jessica Alba and baby daddy Cash Warren are making it legal and have announced their engagement. Honestly, does anyone care? [USA Today]
  
• Poor Amy Winehouse: Has to go to court in Norway to deal with a marijuana possession charge. Hasn't our girl been through enough? [People]
  
• Ashley Olsen: Now thinner than Mary-Kate. [MSNBC]
  
• Given that the Jessica Simpson-Luke Wilson romantic comedy Blonde Ambition that opened over Christmas grossed only about $1,000 at the box office, Simpson's next film project, Major Movie Star, will be headed straight for DVD. [Page Six]

• We think that 3,000 picketing writers would make for the best Golden Globes ever. [NYT]
• Is Sienna Miller getting engaged to Rhys Ifan for her birthday today? [The Sun]
• Awkwardness abounds as the studio tries to find a way to promote the Ryan Philippe/Abbie Cornish film Stop-Loss without making the focus being the fact that it was working together on the project that Philippe and Cornish started a relationship. [Page Six]
• Miley "Hannah Montana" Cyrus and her also-15-year-old beau Nick Jonas have broken up. We would say "Oh they're only 15, this isn't even a real relationship," but then we remember Jaime-Lynn Spears. [Page Six]
• Does the fact that Miley has some not-so-innocent photos floating around the Internet have anything to do with it? [MSNBC]
• Marisa Tomei: Goes to church! What would George Costanza say? [Page Six]
• Glenn Close says her role in Fatal Attraction saved her marriage. We say that's kinda weird. [Daily Mail]
• Rebecca De Mornay was charged by the Los Angeles D.A. yesterday for two counts of misdemeanor driving. [TMZ]

• Owen Wilson has given his first interview since his suicide attempt — and it's going to be on MySpace. Director Wes Anderson spoke with Owen about their latest film, Darjeeling Limited, and is posting the discussion tonight at midnight. We have a feeling it's going to be totally work-related, but you never know. [People]
  
• Ellen DeGeneres' ratings were up at least 10% — maybe more — in the two days following her meltdown over Iggy the mutt, which is kind of crazy if you think about it. [Page Six]
  
• OMG! Dina Lohan's reality show starts filming next week! "It's about empowering women to be successful single mothers," Dina says. Daughter Ali will star in the show as well. Um, how do we feel about this? Anyone? [People]
  

• Naomi Campbell "blew her top" after missing a transatlantic flight yesterday at Heathrow airport. Hey, at least she didn't throw anything. [Mirror]
• Britney's mom, Lynne Spears, is writing a book — she has a deal with a Christian publisher. [Rush & Molloy, 2nd from last item]
• Meanwhile, Britney and Kevin Federline are due in court today, as the custody battle continues. [Yahoo News]
• Kate Hudson's divorce is finally final. She's free to date other people! Oh, wait. [E!]
• Isla Fisher and Sacha Baron Cohen named their baby girl Olive, btw. [ONTD]
• Daniel Dae Kim, who plays Jin on Lost (and is hot), was busted for DUI Thursday in Hawaii. He's the fourth member of the cast of Lost to be arrested. The production team should probably invest in some hired drivers. [TMZ]
• Paris Hilton's trip to Rwanda has been "postponed." LOL. [TMZ]
• Lindsay Lohan is staying at the Beverly Hills Hotel, where paparazzi can't see her coming or going. Damn. [Page Six]
• Rocker Cisco Adler (Mischa Barton's ex) was seen runing around Hyde in L.A. in his underwear. Do not want! [Page Six]
• Leonardo DiCaprio was still a virgin at age 17? That's kinda cool. [Page Six]
• Philip Seymour Hoffman and Marisa Tomei's new movie opens with their nude sex scene. We like them both, but together and naked? Not sure. [Page Six]
• At Hilary Clinton's 60th birthday party last night, Elvis Costello sang "Happy birthday, Mrs. President." [Gatecrasher]
• Dave Navarro is happy writing and directing porn instead of making music right now. "Rock used to have that rebellious 'up against the world' creed," he says. "That doesn't exist anymore in the music world — but it's alive and well in the adult industry." [Page Six]

• Angelina and St. John calling off their collaboration? The word on the street is that the rich folk knitwear company is going to be ending the Mother Teresa Of Hollywood's contract as the face of their design house after this year. Which invariably means there going to take a turn towards old and frumpy again, image-wise. Fun! [PopSugar]
  
• Marie Claire's Joanna Coles is now officially on our shitlist. The editor-in-chief was overheard saying to a security guard at the Gucci show in Milan, "You need to let me in. You need to let us all in. I'm from Marie Claire in the U.S. Do you know how many credits we give Gucci every year? This is unacceptable!". [Fashion Week Daily]
  
• Jil Sander is going to write a tell-all/memoir about her career in the fashion industry. Gonna be hot. [WWD, 1st item]
  
• Rihanna is the latest celebrity to think she's a model (walked for D-Squared) and, worse yet, the latest celebrity to think she's a fashion designer. Oh yeah sure she hasn't exactly found a company to attach her name too, so, uh, possible partners gp ahead and line-up to back her "something edgy" line. [WWD, 2nd item]

• Why did nary a single celebrity attend the Fendi show in Milan? Because they're all coming for the 2nd showing next month on the Great Wall of China Obviously. [WWD, 2nd item]
• Martha Stewart wears Simply Vera Vera Wang for Kohls? Like, whoah! [WWD, 2nd item]
• "Alberta is such a sweetheart, I just want to hug her and never let her go!" says Marisa Tomei of designer Alberta Ferretti. [Fashion Week Daily]
• A fashion show without models? Oooh. We like. [Fashion Week Daily]