• Posh and Becks are in an underwear ad, together! David seems to be deep in thought, perhaps pondering the wisdom of letting Armani give him hair that belongs on a Lego newscaster. Narrate Victoria's inner monologue in the comments! [Telegraph]

• Keira Knightley is still the face of Coco Mademoiselle. She gives great sexyface in the new ad. [Sassybella]
• Two designers you have never heard of are looking forward to seeing Brüno when it opens on July 10. [AP]
• Kanye's Louis Vuitton's sneakers — which came into stores very suddenly yesterday, with no pre-announced release date to build the excitement — have already sold out. How come? Sneakerheads, Louis Vuitton nerds, and Kanye fans have been on a waiting list for the kicks since January. If you want some of the $840-$1,140 shoes, the Louis Vuitton store will put your name on a "wish list" in case more become available. But don't hold your breath. [The Cut]
• Diane von Furstenberg is accused of polluting the Meatpacking District with her signature scent. Allegedly, the perfume emanating from her W. 14th St. headquarters' ventilation system is overpowering; one passerby called the perfume "putrid, awful . . . something you'd find on a 60-year-old matron." And a receptionist at a nearby eye clinic said patients had complained. [P6]
• Real Housewife Kelly Bensimon has a jewelry line, produced with Mouawad, the same company that does Nicole Richie's House of Harlow 1960. Of her character on her popular reality show, she says, "I think that because I'm so down-to-earth they're like, 'Okay we have to pump her up a little bit because otherwise people are not going to believe'...If they want me to be some kind of crazy socialite, I'm not a socialite. I'm a working girl, a single mom." As for the jewelry, which is priced at $32-$336 and is based on pavé geometric designs, Bensimon explains her inspiration thus: "I love Navajo and I love the idea of taking Pocahontas out of the kayak and putting her into the disco." Also, there are snakes in the form of bracelets and rings, which may or may not have something to do with Milton. [W]
• Los Angeles designers really, really wish their fashion week — limping on since the departure of sponsors IMG, Mercedes-Benz, and Smashbox Studios — could join the Big Four. But all the best L.A. designers — Band of Outsiders, Rodarte, Trina Turk, Monique Lhuillier — seem to show in New York. [WSJ]
• Ending the tide of good news for London Fashion week is the withdrawal of Aquascutum. The iconic English label has been put up for sale by its parent company, Japan-based Renown, after a buy-out bid by Aquascutum management was rejected. [WWD]
• Donatella Versace attended an event at the Whitney where children with chronic or life-threatening illnesses drew pictures for her. The sketches chosen by Versace will be featured on limited-edition Versace tote bags, to be sold for $200-$250 via Gilt Groupe this fall. No word on how much the kids will make from their intellectual property. [Style.com]
• This is just too weird. Ed Hardy CEO Hubert Guez owns Michael Jackson's Holmby Hills house and grounds. Jackson was renting the 7-bedroom, 13-bathroom French chateau-style manse for $100,000 a month. Now, maker of tacky Ed Hardy t-shirts Christian Audigier is moving in. [TMZ]
• Now that it has a designer in London-based (but New York-relocating) Marios Schwab, Halston can do things like sign multi-million-dollar distribution deals for its wares. [WWD]
• Meanwhile, Kate Gosselin's clothing project with Healthtex is on hold. [Radaronline]
• Uniqlo's same-store sales rose 6.4% in June. [WWD]
• Polo Ralph Lauren has extended its deal to dress the U.S. Olympic team through the winter games next year and the summer games of 2012. [WSJ]
• To mark its 120th anniversary, the house of Lanvin is releasing a line of limited-edition commemorative items, including hand-painted porcelain figurines of its mother-daughter logo. There'll also be notebooks, music boxes, paper weights, and embroidered t-shirts. No word on prices yet. [WWD]
• LVMH bought a large stake in the organic, sustainably-produced clothing company Edun, so PPR is sponsoring — to the tune of 10 million Euros — a film about the environment. [WSJ]
• A pink wireless mouse with gold accents, made by Juicy Couture, costs $55 at Neiman Marcus. Is it terrible that we would have expected it to be more of a rip-off? [FWD]
• Just released is a new issue of WWWWD, the fashion periodical that feels so real it's got to be fake. This edition is all about men, so expect jokes on bromance, Kris Van Assche, Ed Westwick, and a nice rip on Olivier Zahm for good measure. [WWWWD]

• The economic situation has encouraged a measure of conservatism in fashion, but this is extreme. Versace's Fall 2009 ads with Gisele Bundchen in a jewel-toned dress under strong directional light look exactly like Versace's Spring 2009 ads with Gisele Bundchen in a jewel-toned dress under strong directional light. [Fashionologie]

• Gisele ain't pregnant, after all. [AP]
• The recession's latest casualty is Belgian designer Veronique Branquinho. After 11 years in business, the Antwerp-based designer is being forced to stop production of her namesake line due to a drop in Fall 2009 orders and a number of canceled orders and non-payments from Spring 2009. Branquinho has a fall-back position: artistic director of the Belgian leather goods brand Delvaux. [WWD]
• British designer Emma Cook is also discontinuing her line for fall. Cook herself did not make the announcement, but a manager at Manhattan boutique Opening Ceremony mentioned the news in an interview. [Paper]
• Puma has apparently listed all but one of its 11 U.K. stores with real estate agents — although the company claims it has yet to finalize decisions about store closures. [FT]
• Donatella Versace, on why the 80s trend is less interesting than techno fabrics: "I knew that trend was coming. I knew exactly when every designer was going to start doing it. And I couldn't, because I was with Gianni doing the '80s, in the '80s. I have so many pieces in the archives that I could put right out on the runway and they'd be perfect. [laughs] In general, I think, yes, we can look back, but not that much. It's too literal. Like shoulder pads. We belonged to that time. But for me, it doesn't make sense today. You can play with it for one season, but it's not going to be revolutionary. I think we should move forward, not back. To define the era we live in is very difficult. How do we define it? We define it by music. That's different today. We listen to different music than we used to 10 years ago. Fashion is struggling to define itself today. For me, I'm concentrating more on fabrics, on the technological aspect of fabrics." [Interview]
• Which, you know, totally fits, because the iPhone is the future of the fashion economy. [WWD]
• A man named Jinyoung Jo has designed a Chanel concept car in South Korea. His effort, the Fiole, comes with crystal double-C logos on the grill and on the wheels. It's a pretty snazzy little space-age sports car, to be sure, but what we wonder is: can anyone just up and design a Chanel something? Trademark and copyright protection law would suggest otherwise. It's not clear if Jo had Chanel's approval to make this car. [Sassybella]
• And we all know Chanel polices its intellectual property like the proverbial hawk. The company just announced a lawsuit against a Manhattan jewelry store, Joseph Anthony, for allegedly selling counterfeit Chanel baubles. [NY Post]
• Barbara Hulanicki, on her customers, past and present, and why she hates Barbie: "In that period in England, they hadn't traveled at all and they were very green. And now they're brainwashed by Barbie doll...She's been so damaging. [CHUCKLES] She has such abominable taste." [Interview]
• A see-through swimsuit (for efficient tanning, duh) sounds like just the sort of thing Barbie would approve of. And it sounds like melanoma. [Telegraph]
• Carlos Falchi, known for his extremely expensive handbags and penchant for python skin, is to be the next designer to have a Target GO! International accessories collection. Falchi's line for Target will be available in stores and online from October 11, and will comprise 13 pieces. The styles include jewel-toned faux-snakeskin pieces, and some bags which incorporate patchwork. [WWD]
• Marios Schwab, newly named creative director of Halston, on how he is not Roy Halston Frowick, reincarnated: "It would be a little bit weird to ask a designer who is exactly like Halston to design Halston, don't you think? I mean, I don't think Halston, if he were alive today, would be doing the seventies in 2009, you know? And anyway, there's so much more potential for an interesting result if the designer is versatile. From the perspective of the label, I think they wanted someone who understood the DNA of the brand and shared something of it, but who could bring a new idea." [Style.com]
• H&M opened its 10th Manhattan store, on the Upper East Side. [WWD]
• J. Crew earned $20.4 million in the quarter ended May 2 — a decline of 33% on last year's results, but still ahead of analysts' expectations. CEO Millard Drexler says the chain is sopping up customers from higher-end boutiques who've been priced out of their usual market. [WSJ]
• Tiffany's reported earnings of $24.3 million, which isn't too shabby for a company known for its diamonds in this economy of lowered expectations. But it's still a decline of 62% on last year's profits. Sales fell 22% overall — and 31% in the Americas. Among the worst-hit was its Manhattan flagship, where sales declined by 42%. [The Street]
• Bankrupt men's clothier Hartmarx won extra time to negotiate a possible sale to private equity firm Emerisque. Emerisque has pledged not to liquidate the business, should its bid prove successful. Hartmarx's main debt obligation is to Wells Fargo; employees at its Chicago area factory have threatened to sit-in if the business folds. [WWD]
• Natalie Suliman, a British lingerie model, claims that not only were her breasts not retouched for a Marks & Spencer billboard, but that she wasn't even wearing so much as a spot of body makeup. Or moisturizer. (Just to be clear: That. Does. Not. Happen. And how would the model know what happened in post-pro, anyway?) [Daily Mail]

• In a stunning revelation that will surprise no-one, Karl Lagerfeld's ex-assistant says the Kaiser is "an unbelievable narcissist." Who "needs an eternity to get ready in the morning." [Blackbook]

• Hilary Swank on the tough reality of Cannes: "I'm starving and the music's so loud I can't hear a thing." [WWD]
• In a plan expected to be announced today at City Hall, New York city boutiques will throw a party to kick off the next fashion week, on September 10. Anna Wintour and Mayor Michael Bloomberg are behind the idea; stores will stay open till midnight running promotions and designers will be in attendance. Fashion Week is traditionally an industry event focused on buyers and editors. Maybe this could be a good way to capitalize on an opportunity to target the actual public, and retail? [Cityroom]
• Ending a long search, Halston has chosen London designer Marios Schwab as its new creative director. The label had been rudderless since the departure of Marco Zanini in early 2008. [WWD]
• Some contend that Michelle Obama's purported magical effect on clothing sales is a media construct. J. Crew's CEO, for example, believes that while the First Lady has given the company vast free publicity by favoring its cardigans, she has not necessarily driven sales. This is a view backed up by JP Morgan's research report on the company. Several J. Crew items the first lady has worn are even on clearance. (Of course, it's entirely possible that many of the younger, less-established designers Michelle Obama has favored would have a different experience to report. Jason Wu and Thakoon have to be feeling her patronage in their sales.) [The Big Money]
• That doesn't stop the fashion world from going giddy over Mrs. Obama. [WWD]
• French Vogue editor Carine Roitfeld: "Fashion is not about clothes, it is about a look." [Guardian]
• Anna Wintour's 60 Minutes segment was watched by 10.2 million on television, and drew an unknown number of online viewers. [Folio]
• Tim Gunn just got a new apartment — "Most of the apartment is aubergine. It's like living in a bruise." In between repainting, he's traveling to promote the new season of Project Runway, and pick designers for the next. He also recommends you read Adam's Navel by Michael Sims. [Blogging Project Runway]
• Carolina Herrera, who is often glimpsed in a crisp, white shirt, gets hers at the Gap. Sort of — designer friend Patrick Robinson sends her them by the dozen, and she gets them monogramamed. But if you, mere pleb lacking designer friends, want to buy them off the rack, they cost $44. [Style.com]
• Manhattan might be getting a Nordstrom Rack. [WWD]
• Angelina Jolie's stylist seems surprisingly grounded, for a woman whose most recent splurge was an $1,100 Gucci dress. (Which she is thinking of returning, since she saw a similar style at H&M.) [LA Times]
• The New York Times' Cintra Wilson cast her critical-shopping eye on Derek Lam. "There is absolutely nothing wrong with Mr. Lam's desire to create ruling-class finery; it's lovely, top-shelf stuff, and he should make no bones about the fact that his creations are not warm, fun, affordable or sensuous," writes Wilson. "They are formal, uptight gift wraps — silk boxes in which women may demurely present themselves, with politesse, deference and flawless snobbery, to a world of rich and powerful men." [NY Times]
• First-quarter earnings for Philips-Van Heusen, parent company of Calvin Klein and Van Heusen, among other brands, sank by 47% on last year's numbers. Sales declined by almost 11% during the period. [Crain's]
• Key words for this Marks & Spencer commercial, starring Twiggy: "value" nostalgia recession "quality" penny pennies prices trust penny. [Guardian]
• Current Marks & Spencer print model Marie Helvin is 56, and and pretty fantastic. "Please shoot me if I'm doing this in my 80s," she tells the Times of London. "Anyway, one day I won't be able to...I've had an amazing life, done lots of fantastic things. I never wanted children, so that's not an issue." She's also open about having had an abortion. [Times of London]

• Is former overweight person and current size-o-phobe Karl Lagerfeld changing his Hedi Slimane stripes? Beth Ditto, who in addition to being very talented, weighs somewhat more than 100 lbs, is playing a Fendi party. [FWD]

• Agyness Deyn's 17-year-old sister Emily is starting a t-shirt company with a chum named Aliyah Hussein. Their first offerings feature images of the girls' icon, Queen Elizabeth II, whom Emily called "the original gangster!" [Blackbook via Nylon]
• I have no idea why this writer seems to think female models all have drivers — that might be true of the dozen top girls who walk in every show, but, trust me, the rest of us ride public transport. But it is correct that even the top-earning male models are always paid significantly less than their female counterparts. Russian Matvey Lykov, for instance, walked 34 shows in Europe, and only made enough to buy a ticket to the Dominican Republic to relax for a spell afterwards. [LA Times]
• And the indignities just don't stop: Doutzen Kroes, the model and Victoria's Secret angel, was treated to a super-original pick-up line on the Caribbean island of St. Maarten. At a bar called Tantra, a drunk stranger cooed, "I thought you couldn't go out without your wings." Barf. [NYDN]
• The Daily News also has this horrific model blind item: "Which top model's plastic surgeon is in big trouble? He accidentally spilled acid on her chest while they were having sex in his office." That, right there, is fodder for nightmares. [NYDN]
• Caroline Trentini, the elfin, freckled Brazilian whom Anna Wintour puts in every issue of Vogue, has been less omnipresent this show season. In fact, people were wondering where she was — models of her caliber don't normally just skip the shows. Well, mystery solved! She was on exclusive for Yves Saint Laurent, whose show she closed just yesterday. [Fashionista]
• More forthcoming about his schedule is Valentino. The retired Italian designer has announced he'll be in New York on March 17 to tape an episode of The Martha Stewart Show, just ahead of the theatrical release the documentary modestly titled Valentino: The Last Emperor. I hope they bake amazing cookies, or do collage in tones of red together. [The Cut]
• According to Women's Wear Daily's "sources" — who can be pretty spot on about these things — Halston is sizing up the London designer Marios Schwab to become their new creative director. The revived Halston has struggled, and is still trying to replace Marco Zanini, the designer they let go after just two seasons last year. [WWD]
• Cathy Horyn, whose life is more fun than your own, describes what it's like to run into the people she's savaged ("I said hey to Anna...") and then hangs out with Karl Lagerfeld on his doorstep on the eve of the Chanel show. [On The Runway]
• Jil Sander might be back. After being dumped from her namesake label — and then begged to return, and then fired again — following its purchase by Prada, Sander has been a fashion orphan. Attending an industry textiles fair might mean she has a new project. Or it might not. [WWD]
• Feministing is surprised an article in H&M's in-store magazine on dressing like a tomboy ignored any hint of a queer perspective — despite using Samantha Ronson as one of its examples. Remember, girlie, it's OK to steal from your boyfriend, just remember to add that feminine touch! [Feministing]
• Beth Ditto, meanwhile, is enjoying her first fashion week in Paris. Coming off her cover spot in the first issue of Katie Grand's Love magazine, the Gossip songstress has the keys to the carrousel du louvre. And mark no fear of queer connotations on her part: Ditto's favorite thing about the Jean Paul Gaultier show was "the butch clothes! I mean that in the best way. Masculine is hot!" [FWD]
• Three different women designers — get this — respond differently to the question of how to clothe, and by extension, represent, the female body. Imagine, there's not a 1:1 correlation between being female and making feminine clothing! [International Herald-Tribune]
• Buyers at Paris fashion week aren't sure exactly what consumers are going to want to own in six months. Handbags are a sure bet in the Middle East, says one, because they can be toted freely in public despite women's clothing restrictions. Russians will still want to buy, well, everything, says a buyer for one boutique. London might be about jewelry and scarves; Paris stores aren't sure whether to under-order for a fall in demand, or bet on a surprise recovery. Left unsaid is the fact that almost nobody in retail could stand to see a repeat of last fall's choked-off sales. [Reuters]
• American Apparel, which had to recently renegotiate costly new financing of both their $75 million Bank of America revolving credit line and their $51 million loan from private equity group SOF Investments, now is approaching the March 21 deadline for both loans. [WWD]
• L.L. Bean's revenues were down $1.5 billion, or 7.8%, over the last financial year. The company expects to be making layoffs. [The Street]
• The Italian brand Tod's finished out a difficult year with enough money to give $1,700+ bonuses to all its employees, including the people who make their goods in Italy. [WWD]
• A small American fashion brand that sells its wares in France reportedly included the message "We are sorry that our president is an idiot, we did not vote for him" on the care tag. Obviously they meant Bush. Reminds one of how the teenaged Alexander McQueen stitched "I am a cunt" onto the interlining of a suit for Prince Charles when he was apprenticed to Savile Row tailors Anderson & Sheppard. [InventorSpot]

The Good:
Doru Lolwu makes us have 50's nostalgia; Paul Smith Woman finds a moment of Calvin Klein in a sea of nouveau prep; and and Marios Schwab keeps things tailored.
Luella Bartley makes sex look classy; Peter Jensen channels Jean Seberg; and TopShop keep everything crisp and clean.


The Bad:
Danielle Scutt went for the leopard / bondage look (Liza Minnelli on a bad day?); Louise Goldin took knitwear somewhere knitwear just shouldn't have gone; and Christopher Kane got lost in ruffles.


The Ugly:
Gareth Pugh. Wow: This just screams ready-to-wear to us, doesn't it?

[All images except TopShop via ELLE.com; TopShop images via Style.com.]