Few and far between, it seems. Check these out:

St. Pauli Girl beer features a buxom bar maid on the label. Actually, looking at this visual "history" of the model, she's changed a lot. In 1982, she wasn't so busty; in 1989 she was (gasp!) brunette; in 2004 her apron disappeared, her top shrank and her skirt became alarmingly short. Progress!


Frida Kahlo tequila, launched in 2005, features the famed painter's visage on its bottles. Frida's niece, Isolda P. Kahlo, is involved with the brand. Unfortunately, art critic and author Raquel Tibol, who befriended Kahlo at the end of the artist’s life, is outraged, saying, "This is a dirty shame!" Blogger and artist Mark Vallens writes: "The idea of the artist’s alcoholism being somehow romantic could not be further from the truth. It was not a sense of romanticism that led Kahlo to drink a bottle of tequila a day, but the debilitating pain she endured from the accident suffered in her youth."

The labels on a Belgian beer called Rubbel Sexy Lager picture women wearing swimsuits, but the swimsuits can be scratched off, leaving naked models behind. Classy! This brew was pulled from shelves in the UK last year.

Sofia sparkling wine is manufactured by Francis Ford Coppola's winery, and named after his director daughter. Each can comes with a little bitty straw, because chicks like their booze to be cute! (Disclaimer: I've imbibed quite a few Sofias in my day and actually think mini champagne is a good idea.)




Inspired by the Hollywood icon, Marilyn wine exists, but, as Sadie says, "I wouldn't drink it."

Sailor Jerry rum is named after a man (the legendary tattoo artist) but has a pin-up girl on the bottle, does that count?

Damiana herbal-based liqueur from Mexico comes in a bottle shaped like an Incan goddess. Except, uh, the Incans were from Peru, right? So she should be Mayan, or Aztec? Well the website lists an address in Texas, so maybe someone is confused.


Batuque cachaça from Brazil is made from sugar cane and aged in mahogany barrels. The bottle is shaped like a woman wearing a Brazilian bikini (read: thong.) I had it in a caipirinha once, and never got around to figuring out why the poor woman has an awesome booty but no head. (Here's another view of her physique.)

Veuve Clicquot was, at some point, run by Madame Clicquot, hence the term "grande dame." If you look at her portrait you'll see Madame was pretty serious about her booze.

Did I miss any? Let me know.

The Men Behind Your Favorite Liquors [Mental Floss]
Earlier: The Top 10 Female Product Advertising Icons & The Actresses Who Could Replace Them

• Sean Penn: Lousy gay lover! Diego Luna was asked about kissing Sean for Milk and said, "It was...dry." He added: "I guess he was thinking about Franco." But costar James Franco claims kissing Sean was "fine." Not hot, steamy, fun. Fine. [E!]
• Britney's youngest son, Jayden, has been released from the hospital. He was rushed to the emergency room on Sunday is because he had an allergic reaction to something he ate. The 2-year-old had hives, was itchy and irritable. The family is "just not sure" what triggered the reaction. [Page Six, TMZ]
• Madonna had a dinner party at her apartment and invited her non-Kabbalah friends, so they could meet her "friend" Alex Rodriguez. [Mirror]
• Madonna let Guy see his sons! There's a picture of Rocco and David at the airport, hugging Guy. Apparently Madonna has a list of demands that Guy must meet while the kids are with him in London. It includes a ban on TV, non-organic food and clothes not sent by her. For some reason, can't you picture Guy getting the kids hopped up on sugar and Disney cartoons? [Daily Mail]
• People and Us Weekly put Barack Obama on their covers, and those issues sold extremely well. America wasn't interested in Jennifer Aniston or Suri Cruise last week? Really? [MSNBC]

• Will a Barack Obama documentary sweep the Emmys? It's co-produced by Ed Norton… [LA Times]
• Malia and Sasha Obama might get to visit the set of Hannah Montana! "The invitation is there," Billy Ray Cyrus says. "The Hannah Montana film comes out in April. Maybe something might happen around then. Maybe not. I don’t know… I have got to keep a secret." Uh, too late! [Access Hollywood]
• Michelle Williams' dad, Larry Williams, a prominent stock market trader, has agreed to return to the U.S. to face tax evasion charges. He's been in Australia, though he's actually a resident of the Virgin Islands. He possibly owes $1.5 million in unpaid taxes. [Yahoo News]
• Here's a snippet from the Blake Lively interview in W magazine: "Lively doesn’t even attempt to hide her glee at all the freebies foisted upon her, from designer dresses and diamond bangles to an utterly insane number of pricey purses. 'I probably have, like, 60 gorgeous bags,' she says. 'I have a closet with my really sharp, fancy, nice ones—the ones that go with my Valentino pumps, for example. And then I have a closet with the ones that are a little more rugged-feeling, the kind that go with my Belstaff motorcycle boots.'" [W]
• Juliette Lewis met Ed Westwick and said, "Who is this guy?" Someone's not watching Gossip Girl. He's Chuck Bass! [Rush & Molloy]
• The creators of Gossip Girl say the show is like "a chess game." See, "Chuck and Blair are the king and queen. Everyone else, except Serena, is a pawn.” Hmm, isn't the show more like Trouble, what with the pop-o-matic dice and the moving in circles? Wait, what was the question again? [People]
• Amy Winehouse "lost it" after finding out Blake Fielder-Civil contacted the "other woman" when he got out of jail. Blake Formerly Incarcerated says, "She hasn’t dumped me. We both love each other and will be together for ever. We have spoken on the phone and I’m expecting a visit from her any time now. We can’t wait to be back together." Keep hope alive! [The Sun]
• When asked about the rumors linking him to Evan Rachel Wood, Mickey Rourke said, "She's a good friend, that's it. Tell that faggot who wrote all that shit in the paper I'd like to break his fucking legs." Whoops! Mickey's sorry! Rourke has released a statement which reads, "I want to sincerely apologize for the derogatory word I used. It was insensitive and inappropriate of me and I am deeply sorry that I may have offended anyone." [Yahoo News via E!]
• Nicole Kidman was on Oprah yesterday, and at O's urging, she pulled out a picture of her baby, Sunday Rose. [Perez Hilton]
• Speaking of Nicole, something is up with her new flick, Australia. The studio forced director Baz Luhrmann to change the ending, but don't click unless you want to know, this entire article is a spoiler alert. [LA Times]
• Mariah Carey's demands for the World Music Awards: A £100,000 private jet transport to the ceremony in Monte Carlo and a £10,000-a-night penthouse suite at the exclusive Hotel de Paris for two nights. Plus! VIP treatment for her 15-member entourage. [Daily Mail]
• Mariah was on Simon Cowell's X Factor over the weekend, and some people are saying it was one of her worst performances ever. Click for video and judge for yourself. (My 2¢: Her voice is not what it used to be.) [The.Life Files]
• Blind item! "Which proud new papa isn't much of a family guy? The handsome actor, notorious for having a roving eye, was spotted leaving a downtown hot spot with the beautiful bartender." [Rush & Molloy]
• Evan Rachel Wood claims the Obama camp wanted Marilyn Manson to play for Barack. A spokesperson says, "That it not true." [Yahoo News]
• Isaiah Washington is speaking out about Brooke Smith being fired from Grey's Anatomy: "I looked at a brilliant actress, whom I have adored since I first saw her in Silence of the Lambs. For her to be treated this way, I find very interesting. The fact is that, just before the holidays, you have a mother, a wonderful actress removed from a steady income without the proper reasoning behind it…You look at the way another consummate professional [is] being treated because her character, her story line [has] potentially made producers uncomfortable. Now that I see what they're doing to a show that I love and I care about, I think it's disgusting. The fact that Shonda has been put in this position is extremely unfair. It's unfortunate because it was probably, at the time, the most progressive show on television. Now I see it [being] systematically torn apart. Bring Burke back!" Yeah, that's right, Burke. Not Brooke. He's talking about himself, you see. [Perez Hilton
• Oh dear: Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt will guest star on How I Met Your Mother. Well, at least Heidi's psuedo-employed after losing her fake job. [E!, People]
• America Ferrera will star and executive produce a drama called American Tragic, about a young war vet who sets off across the country with a buddy to find redemption. Ferrera will play his wife. [Variety]
• Queen Latifah will host the People's Choice Awards on January 7. [Variety]
• Are Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel getting married or not? (Seems like "not.") [MSNBC]
• Tim Robbins is still battling the New York City board of elections. Did he show up to the wrong polling place? Or did they change his location without him knowing? [Page Six, NY Times]
• Regis Philbin gave his old elementary school $1.5 million in 2005; it's since been shut down. Think he wishes he had the cash back? [Page Six]
• Will Eminem's new CD come out on time? There was a December due date, but a source says, "He is being a perfectionist and is completely obsessive-compulsive about this album. There's a 50-50 chance it will be done by the end of this year - but most likely it'll be the first quarter of next year." After this long, why rush? [Page Six]
• NBC's Medium returns in January with new castmember Tracy Pollan, aka Mrs. Michael J. Fox. [EW]
• In Roger Moore's memoir, you learn that that during the filming of Live and Let Die, his first Bond flick, he had kidney stones, so he took a painkiller, methylene, that both knocked him out and turned his urine blue. He woke up in the middle of the night, mistook his closet for a bathroom and peed all over his clothes, "dying them a delightful azure." [Time]
• Kelsey Grammer on Sarah Palin: "I don't know that she doesn't know that Africa is a continent… And if I read it in the New York Times, I have to get a second source." Damn librul media! [TMZ]
• The Dallas reunion was a Texas-sized mess! Hundreds more people than expected showed up for Saturday night's barbecue and cast reunion at Southfork Ranch; angry fans complained they didn't get the access to cast members they'd paid $500 to see; while others got close to the stars without paying. [Yahoo News]
• By the by, Mayim Bialik, the star of '90s sit com Blossom, had a baby about a month or two ago. Her second child, a boy named Fred. [TMZ]
• Former boy band mogul, Lou Perlman, is discussed in a new book, and the consensus is the dude is "creepy" and tried to "wrestle" with the boys he managed. Perlman's currently serving a 25-year jail sentence for conspiracy, money laundering, etc. [Rush & Molloy]
• Actress Gong Li: Being called a traitor, because she's decided to become a Singaporean citizen. (She was born and raised in China.) [Breitbart]
• Tony Dow, who played Wally on Leave It To Beaver, will have one of his abstract sculptures on display at the Louvre. Upgrade! [Yahoo News]
• Headline of the day: "Fleetwood Mac's Lindsey Buckingham wants to play a song for President George W Bush called 'Treason.'" [Telegraph]
• WTF. Another William Shatner video, in which he talks shit about George Takei. [Perez Hilton]
• James Cromwell, who starred in the Babe movies, is recovering from a broken collarbone and partially deflated lung after falling off of his bicycle in an L.A.-area canyon on Sunday. He should be out of the hospital now. That'll do! [AP]
• Geri Halliwell has dumped her "toyboy" lover, dancer Ivan "Flipz" Velez. He's devastated. Maybe his new middle name will be "Mopez." [Mirror]
• Here's a rare photograph of Marilyn Monroe in stockings and garters. [Telegraph]
• Chris March of Project Runway was interviewed by a snarky New York magazine editor and wasn't really amused. The writer was mocking Seal's facial scars, though, so: Team March. [NY Mag]
• Beyoncé says offers have come in from magazines wanting wedding pictures and it's "crazy money that's just ridiculous." Don't worry, B is classier than that: "It's so not worth it. If anything, if you wanna put something out, then put it out, not for (money). We worked really hard at keeping it private. I've always been this way, and he's always been this way, so that's why we complement each other. We always knew that it would be private and quiet, for all the right reasons." [AP]
• Here's a lovely poem Chuck Norris has written about Barack Obama's "political stink." It rhymes! [E&P Pub]
• "He’s never let himself become a lost cause. He’s hardcore and very strong. Off-duty he flies his own plane and helicopter and he insists on doing as many of his own stunts as possible. It’s him riding the bikes and throwing the punches — he doesn’t palm it off to a stunt man." — Jamie Milnes, Harrison Ford's personal trainer, on working with him for Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull. [Telegraph]
• "I thought it would be easy to cast a Bond girl, because there are so many beautiful women in this world. But not many of them can act. Their acting needed to be really strong and three-dimensional. Historically, the role of women in the world has changed. You can't have someone in a Bond film just as a sex object. [But] they have to be sexy and beautiful. That's what people expect, and that's what Bond is about." — Quantum Of Solace director Marc Forster. [Esquire]
• "I call her 'The Mouse.' And The Mouse holds on to the edge of a chair now and is gaining the confidence to think, 'Maybe these legs belong to me.' I keep telling Nicole that it's a bad sign, because once those legs gain confidence, then they're out of here!" — Lionel Richie on 10-month-old granddaughter Harlow. [People]
• "She taught me the importance of looking good and feeling good but also that beauty comes from within, because it fades. I looked at her like a therapist and a makeover queen –- the perfect glamorous smart woman. People would walk in, talk to her and tell her their issues and they'd walk out feeling and looking like a new woman." — Beyoncé, on her mother, who owned a hair salon when B was a kid. [People]
• "It's cool when you have a movie where you can show another side of yourself, like this one does. The movie is not going to be successful, I don't think. It's not the usual Van Damme action movie, so I'm not really kicking butt. People who know me, they know my story, that I came with nothing and because famous with martial arts. I did the movie because it felt good to do something like that. [I won't do a reality show because] I don't want to expose my family or even my animals to the cameras all the time. You can't even go to the toilet because they shove a camera up your butt. I would probably throw the camera out the window. They did approach me once, though — the channel with the guy with the long hair. Gene Simmons? [Checks with son.] No, it was Ozzy Osbourne, who's a big teddy bear. A letter came to my desk and he wanted to know if I'd do a reality show. Bad or good, only God should know what you're doing at all times." — Jean-Claude Van Damme. [WSJ]
• "It was OK. I wasn’t into the waif thing. She kind of looked like my nephew. I mean she’s beautiful – she’s a very pretty nephew – but I’m more into curvy women." — Mark Wahlberg on posing with Kate Moss in those 1992 Calvin Klein ads. [The Sun]
• "I'm running a business. And sometimes being the boss of your own empire and creation, you have to be assertive. Being a female, that comes with being labeled a 'bitch' and given titles that men wouldn’t receive. But if that’s what I’m going to be called by being assertive and knowing who I am and what I want out of life, so be it. I wear that label proudly." — Christina Aguilera in Rolling Stone. [MSNBC]
• "I apparently offended some animal lovers. Um, really people? I love animals as much as anyone, I don't eat pork – so for those of you fighting that good fight against me ... shut up! I was just pointing out the fact that people in California seem to care more about animal rights than human rights … I'm not running around killing chickens for fun or firing a slingshot at a squirrel." — Samantha Ronson, resonding to people who were offended by her Prop 2 vs. Prop 8 post. [People]
• "[I said] 'Sen. Obama, when you were in school in Boston, did you encounter any racism?' And he said something really interesting. He said, um. He said, 'I'm Kanye West.'" — Sarah Silverman. [Page Six]

• The FBI has "recovered" jewelry given to Anne Hathaway by Raffaello Follieri. Meaning she gave it up. Two Rolex watches, rings, necklaces, and bracelets. There is no value given yet but every time the paperwork says "clear stones" you can bet that they're talking about diamonds. Sigh. [The Smoking Gun]
• Rosie O'Donnell wrote about Sarah Palin and Elisabeth Hasselbeck on her blog: "sarah p – elisabeth h/identical cousins/women who hunt in high heels/gives one pause." [TMZ]
• Wednesday, a judge said that Nicole Richie has been taking care of herself and is "in compliance" with the terms of her probation stemming from her 2006 DUI bust. She has turned things around since driving the wrong way on the freeway after taking Vicodin and smoking pot, huh? [Yahoo News]
• Post-rehab Kiki Dunst is on the October cover of Harper's Bazaar. Did you know she was in rehab for being "enormously co-dependent"? She says: "Everyone goes through a hard time in their life. They just don't have to do it in front of tons of people and with our media the way it is. I did, and I'm lucky that I had the resources and the money to take care of myself." [People]

• Keira Knightley jokes getting pregnant may be the only way people will stop thinking she is anorexic. [Mirror]
• That dude in the plaid sitting next to Mary-Kate Olsen at the fashion shows is her boyfriend Nate Lowman. [Rush & Molloy]
• Mariah Carey's former record producer is penning an "explosive" tell-all book with details about their "intense four-year personal relationship." Vision of love? [Page Six]
• Madonna got drunk at Guy Ritchie's birthday party last night and had to be helped to a car. She went home at 10 pm; Guy didn't go home until 4 am. [Daily Mail]
• Audrina blogs about her drama on The Hills. [People]
• Another misstep by Solange Knowles. [TMZ]
• You know how Ciara is "nude" on the cover of Vibe? Apparently she posed with clothes on and the magazine airbrushed them off. Scandalous! [Perez Hilton]
• A sofa on which actor Glenn Ford supposedly had sex with Marilyn Monroe is to be auctioned off in October. [Reuters]
• This story, "People Don't Take Heart-Throbs Seriously," is all about Colin Firth! [Telegraph]
• Bret Stirton, the photographer who shot Brad Pitt and Angelina's new kids, talks about that, even though he's not supposed to. He says: "I know Angelina from my work in Sierra Leone… In a world of 15 minute celebrity, where people will use the humanitarian sector to maximize their publicity, she's one of the few honorable people. I feel that any time that I can be of assistance to her, I will do it. I've seen where that money goes. It's built a number of hospitals." Stirton, who won an award for images of gorillas in the Congo, also says: "I could try and shoot good documentary for the rest of my life… and never get close to the kind of direct impact that that kind of money makes in people's lives." [MediaBistro]
• Singer Sarah McLachlan is splitting from Ashwin Sood, her husband of 11 years. Two new songs from her upcoming album, "U Want Me 2" and "Don't Give Up on Us," are about their separation. McLachlan and her husband have two daughters, India Ann Sushil, 6, and Taja Summer, 14 months. [Yahoo News]
• Jessica Alba's public service announcement urging people to vote is not so much "kinky" or S&M-inspired as it is "someone broke in to steal my flatscreen and went nuts with the electrical tape." See it here. [E!]
• Meg Ryan talks about meeting her adopted daughter, Daisy. "She was red-faced, screaming and crying," Meg says, but when officials passed the baby to her, "Daisy stopped crying. I'm not kidding you. She checked me out and then she went to sleep. The next six to eight hours, she'd wake up and be very afraid and then she'd cry and then relax and play with you. I'd do the same thing. Just get really afraid, then really expanded. It was this metaphysical kind of labor, this crazy meeting. I just saw that face and I knew we were just related." [LA Times]
• Garbage's Shirley Manson is on the verge of recording some solo material, but she's also part of the cast of Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles. She says: "I think musicians in general tend to be quite sensitive, and that helps when you're trying to interact with others on screen." Also, you may not know this, but she's only happy when it rains. [Reuters]
• Matthew McConaughey was on NPR's outpost KCRW-FM's Los Angeles studio as part of its Guest DJ Project. He played John Mellencamp, Ted Nugent and mournful African ballads. [Yahoo News]
• The British press loves making fun of the fact that Heather Mills is writing a book. [Mirror]
• Apparently Colin Farrell threatens to get the creases out of a baby's forehead with a hot steam iron in a crappy movie called Pride And Glory, shown at the Toronto Film Festival. [Fox News]
• Johnny Depp will voice the lead character in a new animated movie from Gore Verbinski and George Lucas' Industrial Light and Magic. Prediction: It will be awesome. [Daily Express]
• Dionne Warwick has released a picture book called Say A Little Prayer. "I wanted to write a book about dreams and where everything is possible," she explains. "It really is about me and my childhood and the things that occurred to my in my life. It was a wonderful experience to go back and remember those days. I had an incredible childhood, one which I wish for every child in the world. It was full of love and family and friends." [Reuters]
• DJ Lethal of House of Pain: Cleared of all charges after actress Nicole Eggert accused him of beating her and burning her with cigarettes. [TMZ]
• Nicolas Cage owes the IRS after wrongly writing off almost $3.4 million in personal expenses. [Daily Mail]
• Hugh Laurie's family is moving to America to be with him. [Daily Mail]
• Amy Winehouse might buy a country farmhouse, a quiet spot to sober up in. Hopefully not in a poppy field. [Telegraph]
• Is Paul McCartney getting engaged? [Daily Mail]
• Michael Douglas to play Liberace???? [Guardian]
• A Dixie Chicks song was supposed to be used in an indie flick, but the film distributor didn't want to pay for it. [Page Six]
• This story about how Chicago Sun-Times film Critic Roger Ebert got smacked with a binder because he tapped some other guy on the shoulder — because, due to cancer, he cannot speak, is just sad. [Rush & Molloy]
• Hip-hop mogul Damon Dash's baby mama must return their son to his father, a judge has ruled. The teenage Damon Jr. went to visit his mom in Long Island and she allegedly enrolled him in school there, even though his father has sole custody and he's supposed to be going to school in Manhattan. Drama! [NY Post]
• Um, this report says Damon Dash has two apartments in foreclosure. [Page Six]
• Metallica's new album has leaked but the band is remaining calm. [USA Today]
• Timbaland's Australian tour got all jacked up but he swears the company who arranged his performances is to blame. Which is why he's suing. [NY Sun]
• Young Jeezy registered to vote! [Concrete Loop]
• "She's the most stylish, but I take longer to get ready. If I were more stylish, I would take less time. But I have no vision, so I have to try on everything at first to see if I want to wear it. She can tell right away what's gonna work and what's not gonna work. But I have to put on the pants, put on the shirt, put on the jacket, put on seventeen other jackets." — Rob Thomas of Matchbox Twenty, on hus wife, model Marisol. [Yahoo News]

Much of the "side of Marilyn that no one has ever seen before" includes ordinary things like receipts, telegrams, bottles of Chanel No. 5, and checkbooks. Does this stuff just seem mundane in this day and age, because we live in a celebrity culture where we know all about Britney's meds, Lindsay's post-rehab life and Paris Hilton's Valtrex prescription? Marilyn Monroe was a star when a star actually meant "star": A sparkling, untouchable, heavenly body. So why is everyone so excited about bringing her down to earth?

Part of it is curiosity about how this Icon lived. She was so many women rolled into one. She had recipes! She had diamonds! She had fan mail! But there are also just so many secrets. (Were there love letters from President John F. Kennedy? Signs point to yes). Sam Kashner's story is epic, extremely long, but worth reading. The truth is, we will never know everything about Marilyn Monroe — and many of her papers were burned after her death. And honestly, much of this exposé seems a bit sad: Men grasping at remnants of paper a beautiful woman left behind. Some of it mundane, some extremely personal; all of it never meant to be seen by the public.

As for Mark Anderson's exquisite photographs of Marilyn Monroe's belongings: "You can tell a lot about a woman from the things she left behind," the VF subhead reads. And some of the most lovely images are not of her bookstore receipts or telegrams, but of her clothes and jewels: The trappings of a bona fide movie star. But maybe that's because these items seem to celebrate her in a way that elevates her, Instead of grounding her?

In Search of Marilyn, The Marilyn Files, The Things She Left Behind [Vanity Fair]

• Poor L.C. Influential L.A. boutique Kitson (the same one rumored to be cooling on Posh, but wasn't) is actually dropping Lauren Conrad's line due to "lackluster sales." [NY Mag]
• Candie's knows how to net the classy demographic: along with current pitch girl Hayden Panettiere, the company is taking over Perezhilton.com today to launch its new ad campaign. Hayden, who's releasing an album, will be singing in the ads. Quoth she: "I'm someone that has a lot of different personalities, so what I wear depends on the mood I'm in. I think the clothes worked well for the video. They gave me a lot of options to pick from." [WWD]
• Better late than never? British retailer Blues Clothing launches the "Marilyn Monroe collection," a "trendy, fashionable, and girly" line for young adults. Cause those are the first things that come to mind when you think of Norma Jean. [BlackBook]

• Obviously John McCain hasn't kept up with the new arch-unfriendly flip-flop research. His campaign's been handing them out. It's doubtless intended as a cutting pun. [Los Angeles Times]
• Halston creative director OUT! [WWD]
• Tim! No need to entice; you had us at "tonight at 10/9 central. Watch what happens." “[Fans] are going to get mad — early! There are some big surprises: Favorites won’t be there anymore, and I can only imagine how the blogs are going to explode over some of the challenge winners. We say that each season has a different DNA and boy, is that true.” [People]
• Ooh, I love these: Project Runway: "Where are they now?" Spoiler: mostly "in fashion." [People]
• Well, at least we know where Christian Siriano is! Critiquing street fashion! As you might expect, his comments are largely incomprehensible ("All I have to say is that is so Williamsburg I can't even handle it. She doesn't even care. Whatever. Love her.", "I'm over him.") and the words 'fierce' and 'tranny' are thrown around like it's '07. [Daily News]
• Burberry reports sales up in first quarter. [New York Times]
• Playboy on Olympians: '"Women's Olympic swimmers are beautiful," says Playboy.com's vice president of content, John Thomas. "Olympic swimmers are known for their bodies, and they look good in their suits."' For some reason, this translates into Playmates modeling Speedos. [WWD]
• More good news: Kimora Lee Simmons' teen line is surprisingly age-appropriate! [New York Magazine]
• CFDA/Vogue have announced the 10 finalists for their Fashion Fund competition. [WWD]
• Speaking of Project Runway, I don't think we've discussed it nearly enough. Did you know, for instance, that they're trying to get Mariah Carey to guest-judge the final episode? [Fashion Week Daily]
• Or that Nina Garcia is really "saddened" by the show's move to L.A.? [New York Magazine]
• French model Laetitia Casta nets a film role. It's set at Versailles. [Variety]
• You saw it here: How to tie a head scarf. [Telegraph]
• Reebok enters the battle for Beijing Olympics supremacy. [BlackBook]
• All the scenesters in Charlotte Ronson's fall '08 vid make us really not want to buy her clothes. [Style.com]
• Meanwhile, Guess takes inspiration from a wholesome, healthy Amy Winehouse. [fashionista]
• Prada introduces custom bag option. "Customers will be able to choose from a wide variety of decadent materials (suede, leather, crocodile, python, alligator, snakeskin…), rich colors, hardware and detailing so that their bag can be a reflection of their personal tastes and style." Prices available upon request. I'm sure it's totally affordable. [The Fashion Spot]
• Our equivalent? Botkier for Target. Unfortunately it's kinda meh. [Fabsugar]
• So, we all know PETA can be your worst enemy. Does that mean they'd make a good best friend? I'm going to go with, "more like the humorless radical down the hall who you kind of had a crush on your freshman year even though you knew in your heart you were too frivolous for him." Their latest target? Fur enthusiast Vivienne Tam. [PETA]
• London It Girl Alert!!!! Flavour of the week is Sting and Trudie's kid, Coco Sumner. "At only 17, she’s already modelled for Burberry, had a role in Stardust alongside Sienna Miller and Claire Danes and has just signed to Island Records to record a reggae album in Jamaica, no less. She's already showing more talent than most of her London peers and with great style too – partially shaved hair, tartan scarf, Breton shirt, denim shorts and ankle socks." [ElleUK]
• Teflon Kate gets Vogue cover. [BryanBoy]

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• In her new memoir, Auditions, Baba Wawa gives the dirt on Star Jones' and Rosie O'Donnell's departures from the View; On Rosie: "The premise of 'The View' is that of a team working together, but for Rosie it was more like Diana Ross and the Supremes, as little by little she took over." [NYDN]
  
• The problem with Miss Jones was not just her diva behavior (though Walters et. al. were embarrassed about her fiasco of a wedding to Big Gay Al) it was that Star made her View-mates lie about her gastric bypass. Walters writes: "Joy [Behar], in particular, resented having to go along with a lie that implied all one needed to do was situps and ingest one cookie instead of two."[NYDN]
  
• The septuagenarian Babs is so scandalous! She also talks about her adulterous affair with Massachusetts Senator Edward Brooke, the first black Senator since reconstruction. [NYDN]
  
• Jimi Hendrix's sex tape? A hoax, cries the company that owns the rights to Jimi's music. Sigh. We'll always have Cynthia Plaster Caster. [Reuters]
  
• Marilyn Monroe's sex tape? The FBI cries fake! It's amazing how many stars can issue denials from the grave. [MSNBC]

• Speaking of fake naked Marilyns, Lilo's alleged lady love Sam Ronson is suing the lawyers she hired to sue Perez Hilton for defamation. Sam Ron says the lawyers "grossly overcharged" her. [TMZ]
• Miley Cyrus is skipping a Disney appearance in Orlando the wake of her Vanity Fair sorta nudie pics. She didn't want Mickey Mouse's ears to turn red. [Yahoo]
• Pete Doherty: getting out of the pokey today. The Babyshambles frontman spent 29 days in jail, and according to a friend, Petey will "go straight to play a gig — and then get smashed," upon his release. Oy. [The Sun]
• More on Star Jones! NBA star Dwyane Wade denied a romantic relationship with the much-older Jones, saying they're "just friends" on the TNT show Inside the NBA. Inside co-host and consummate gentleman Charles Barkley added, "I like Star. She's a cougar." [AP via Yahoo]
• Uma Thurman took the stand yesterday in a lawsuit against her stalker, Jack Jordan. Thurman said Jordan's persistent letters, phone calls and visits made her fear for her life. Poor Uma! [UPI]
• Pam Anderson Lee Rock Salomon is holding an estate sale for her Malibu pad before she retires to Vancouver. She is selling a jacuzzi, among other things. Might want to steer clear of it — I hear the skeeze of Rick Salomon is water soluble. [E! Online]
• The Mariah/ Nick Cannon wedding — reportedly no pre-nup! If Cannon ever tries to lay claim to Mariah's vast collection of Hello Kitties, you know she'll have her unicorn cut him. [Perez]
• Even though Britney still doesn't have custody of her kids, she will spend Mother's Day with wee Jayden James and Sean Preston. Aw. [MSNBC]
• This headline says it all: "Rob Lowe's ex-nanny discusses her countersuit, cries." [AP via Yahoo]

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Lindsay As Marilyn [New York Magazine]

Earlier: Nipple Alert!

• As reported late Friday, Nicole Richie gave birth to her baby on January 11, a daughter she named Harlow Winter Kate Madden. (6 lbs., 7oz.) Ooh, pretty name! Er, names, that is. [People]
  
• And the next day, just down the hall in Cedars Sinai's maternity ward, Christina Aguilera gave birth to a baby boy, Max Liron Bratman, (6 lbs. 2 oz.) on Saturday. Seventeen years from now, will Max and Harlow be dating? [TMZ]
  
• Britney Spears and new boyfriend Adnan Ghalib went shopping over the weekend and Ghalib got into a "shoving match" with the paparazzi. Dude, don't forget where you came from! [Page Six]
  
• Um, while Brit and her man were car shopping, she was wearing her old wedding dress. [People]
  
• Did Britney pay for Adnan's new Mercedes SUV? [PopDirt]

• Britney's due in court today, and Commissioner Scott Gordon is definitely going to want to know what was up with the kerfluffle at her house that crazy Thursday. But will she even show up? [TMZ]
• She has been "strongly advised" to attend the hearing. Obviously. [People]
• A source says Britney's boys are doing "fantastic" in the sole custody of Kevin Federline and aren't asking for their mom at all, sob. [PageSix.com]
• Staffers at the Mexican hotel Britney stayed in on Wednesday say Britney appeared to be "high" while there. She sat all alone at the bar singing the words to "Toxic" to herself. Maybe she felt like she was in a video? [The Sun]
• Sources say Adnan and Britney may get married. But wouldn't he have to get divorced first? [Mirror]
• Is Val Kilmer dating Chad Lowe's girlfriend? Do you care? [Page Six]
• "It's great to see an exotic face in sci-fi. Little girls who look like me — or who are Arab, Filipina, whatever — are going to go, 'Oh, my God, we can be in space, too!" — Zoe Saldana, who plays Lt. Uhura in the upcoming Star Trek movie. [Page Six]
• Will Lipstick Jungle be way better than Cashmere Mafia? Sources say CM's Lucy Liu has a "lack of friendliness" whereas LJ's Brooke Shields "laughs out loud constantly." Hmm, could one of those "sources" be Candace Bushnell? [Gatecrasher]
• Blind item! "Which candidate's daughter recently went on a date with an ardent Ron Paul supporter? "The date became all about him trying to convince her about Paul," laughs a friend. 'Finally, she said, "You know my dad's running for President. You're not going to change my mind!"?'" [Gatecrasher]
• Will the writers' strike derail the Grammys? Survey says: Maybe. [Rush & Molloy]
• Bjork landed in New Zealand and a member of her entourage asked that no pictures be taken at the airport. A photographer snapped a couple of shots, so Bjork ran up on the guy and tore his T-shirt. Human behavior! [TMZ]
• A new report names Mary J. Blige, 50 Cent and Timbaland among the stars who may have received or used performance-enhancing drugs. Mary on steroids? Thought she was just fine! [Editor & Publisher]
• So you know how Brad Pitt let Pax "drive" a couple of weeks ago? He also let him ride in a cherry picker at the construction site. Sources are saying that Brad put the kid in danger and Pax should have been wearing a helmet, seatbelt, safety harness, etc. [MSNBC]
• Dame Edna (Australian comic Barry Humphries) has been ordered to rest for six months after complications from appendix surgery. The 73-year-old Humphries was forced to cancel a North American tour. Get well soon! [Reuters]
• The Harvard Lampoon is giving Paris Hilton the "Woman Of The Year" award in a large public ceremony in the middle of Harvard Square. Is this the closest Paris will ever get to Harvard? And does she realize it's kind of a joke? [PR Newswire]
• Oscar-winning screenwriter Roger Avary — he penned Pulp Fiction — was arrested on suspicion of manslaughter and DUI after he crashed his car, injuring his wife and killing a man. Hate to say it, but it sounds like a plot twist from the flick. [USA Today]
• Malia Nurmi, known as Vampira, has died at the age of 86. RIP. [BoingBoing]
• Vivica A. Fox claims her rumored sex tape does not exist. "If you see me having a love scene, it's going to be choreographed in a movie, and be fabulous," she says. [People]
• Yes, Lauren Conrad has left Teen Vogue but she was not fired. "I was kind of done," she explains. Meanwhile she says she's "looking" for a new job. And will return to The Hills for another season. [People]
• In old-school Hollywood news, Richard Burton slept with Marilyn Monroe, a new book claims. Yeah, not surprising. At all. [Telegraph]
• Wesley Snipes will go on trial today over the fact that he didn't pay taxes from 1994 to 2004, despite earning about $38 million. He says he is not guilty and acted on the advice of tax professionals. Good luck! [NY Times]
• One of Kid Rock's friends dropped a $200,000 watch at a restaurant; Kid gave the busboy who found it $1,000 in cash. Who knew that KR had cash to throw around? [Page Six]