• We should have seen this coming: Lindsay Lohan and John Mayer were spotted sharing a table and dancing together at a New York club last night. "She was way into it," says an eyewitness, "She would follow his every move..."

• "He would dance with the waitresses and then come back," continues the source. Linds Tweeted about the evening: "@johncmayer shhhhhhhhhhhhhh butter-face :)" Where will he find the time to romance Linds if he's still hooking up with Jessica Simpson and fathering Jennifer Aniston's baby? (According to the tabloids.) [E!]
• The suicidal Tweets issued by "themichaellohan" weren't actually written by Michael Lohan — he doesn't even have a Twitter account. [Ok]
• Jessica Simpson said Dallas Cowboys wide receiver Miles Austin is hot, so TMZ says Cowboys fans should start worrying that the "Yoko Romo curse" is back on. [TMZ]
• Jennifer Aniston is launching a DVD for her yoga instructor, Mandy Ingber. "Jen works out with Mandy up to five times a week, and they have become such great friends she even takes Mandy on vacation with her. So Jen was delighted to help launch her DVD," says a source. [N.Y. Post]
• Rachel Uchitel, Tiger Woods' alleged mistress, says the story is bogus. "This is ridiculous. Not a word of it is true... I told the Enquirer and Star [the tabloids that broke the story] that it wasn't true. I told them not only did I have information to disprove the story, but I offered to take a lie-detector test." [People]
• However, two more women have come forward claiming they had affairs with Tiger Woods while he was married to Elin Nordegren — and they may have the voicemails to prove it. Jaimee Grubbs of Tool Academy fame told her story to Us and the other woman is still shopping her story. Grubbs claims she had a 31-month affair with Tiger that started in 2007 when she was 21. She told Us she has photos, racy texts, and a voicemail from November 24 in which he says his wife may be on to them. [Radar Online, Us]
• Tiger Woods' lip was split open after his car crash on Friday morning, but police sources say there was no blood in his SUV. [TMZ]
• The Florida Highway Patrol announced today that they're giving Tiger Woods a $164 ticket for reckless driving. There investigation is over and they will not seek any search warrants for his medical records. [TMZ]
• The Adams family, Tiger Woods' neighbors, have hired lawyers to talk to the media. They say Elin Nordegren asked the Adams' for help, which is why they called 911. They gave him a pillow and a blanket and waited for the ambulance. They say there were no signs that they were fighting that night and Elin was concerned for Tiger's safety. [TMZ]
• A judge approved a request from Jennifer Lopez's lawyer for an Emergency Court Order to keep the racy video she made with Ojani Noa from being released to the public. J.Lo didn't attend the hearing. [Radar Online]
• Jennifer Lopez's attorney says there is no "sex tape." "There wasn't anything close to sex in it," he said. "We never alleged that. But it's still private and personal to my client." After the decision Ojani Noa complained, "They're trying to stop me from making my documentary and I'm fighting for my rights... They're not being fair." [People]
• A home video of Marilyn Monroe smoking marijuana at a party in the late '50s has surfaced. The person who shot the film recently sold it to a collector for $275,000. [Reuters]
• Rihanna said her life is far from normal. "It's definitely more intense," she said. "Every day is another curveball, but now I know how to handle it. Every time you get put in a situation, it somehow makes you stronger." [E!]
• Rihanna admitted the leaked naked pictures of her are real. "They were for my boyfriend at the time," she said, "if you don't send your boyfriend naked pictures, then I feel bad for him." She added, "It was the worst thing that could possibly ever happen to me. I just felt like my whole privacy was taken before that [with the other photo leak] and then, when that came out, I thought, 'Oh great, so now there's nothing they don't know about me and my private life. It was humiliating and it was embarrassing – especially my mom having to see that." [People]
• The court date for TLC's case against Jon Gosselin has been moved from December 14 to December 10. [Radar Online]
• Those in charge of Michael Jackson's estate rejected 24-year-old Prince Michael Malachi Jet Jackson's claim that he's the late singer's lovechild, so he filed an objection asking a judge to "have determined that he is the biological son of decedent Michael Joseph Jackson ... and gain whatever benefits he is entitled to." [TMZ]
• Tori Spelling and Candy Spelling's feud may be over. They started talking in September when they were both in the hospital and Candy finally met her granddaughter Stella. [E!]
• Verne Troyer says his ex-girlfriend Yvette Monet, who just obtained a restraining order against him, just wants money from him and "at no time did I ever threaten Ms. Monet or even hint to her that I would harm her in any way." [TMZ]
• Lisa Loeb gave birth to her first child, Lyla Rose Loeb Hershkovitz, on Sunday morning. [People]
• Possible Lost spoiler: Emilie de Ravin was spotted shooting a scene for the final season with Evangeline Lilly. [E!]
• John Mellencamp's 14-year-old son Speck is asking people to start a Facebook group he created to get his dad to stop smoking. Mellencamp says he'll quit if he gets 1 million people to join. [AP]
  QUOTES
• It seems Ryan Reynolds didn't finish watching yesterday's episode of Regis and Kelly even though his wife Scarlett Johansson was performing at the end of the show. When asked if he saw it he said, "Wait. Was that the show with Matt Dillon?" [Showbiz 411]
• Kate Garraway, the host of Britain's GMTV, said after Mariah Carey appeared on the show, "I've heard a lot of rumours about her being a diva over the years and guess what? It's all true! While Mariah was very nice, the amount of people she had in her entourage was hilarious. They outnumbered the entire GMTV crew!" Now her bosses have forced her to apologize to Mariah. [The Mirror]
• Bill Clinton called his future son-in-law Marc Mezvinsky "a great human being," and, a source says, "Bill adores him. This is the son he didn't have... This is the relationship Bill didn't have with his father." [People]
• When asked who should play President Obama in a movie, Morgan Freeman said, "Denzel. Denzel could pull it off quite nicely. You would totally believe him." [U.S. News]
• Steffi Graf said of the first roses Andre Agassi ever sent her, "I wondered where they came from. Each rose was stunning. You felt every petal had reached the perfect moment of its bloom." [Vogue]
• "One of the reasons I think I've gained weight pretty quickly during my pregnancy is that I'm not exercising as much as I do normally ... I can't. I'm feeling tired, and I have this business to run," says Padma Lakshmi. "You hope that with age, what you pay for in gravity, you gain in gravitas. I'm sure my thighs looked better when I was 25, but I think my mind is better today." [People]
• In addition to acting on Mad Men, Bryan Batt owns a home decor and gift shop in New Orleans with his partner Tom Cianfichi. "It's something we always wanted to do," said Batt. "I've always loved gifts and shopping and design." [AP]
• Daniel Radcliffe says after the Harry Potter films are over, his next project will be starting a family. "No man, I've got kids to have yet!" he said. "They're going to keep me busy if I do – which I hope I do at some point. I'm not planning on it soon – that's one of the things I'm really looking forward to doing." [People]
• Mila Kunis says Darren Aronofsky offered her a part in Black Swan over iChat. Here's how their conversation went, according to Kunis: "Hey." "Hey. Do you want to do this?" "Video chat? "No, the movie." "If you just offered me the movie, I think you need to get on video chat and offer it to me." [BlackBook Magazine]

You would think we had reached some kind of critical mass of being fascinated with the famous. But it's all-consuming: pictures and interviews aren't enough. We want their jeans, their bags, their cute shoes. Celebrity-branded fragrances — from Liz Taylor's White Diamonds to Sarah Jessica Parker's Lovely and Britney's Curious — bring in millions. Maybe it was just a matter of time before Antiquity fragrances hit the market.

The Antiquity scents are made from DNA tests performed on hair clippings provided by "renowned celebrity hair collector" John Reznikoff. Each fragrance comes in a sculpted aluminum bottle. Einstein's is called IQ and comes in a flask shaped like a light bulb; Entrance is made from Joan Crawford's genetic code and comes in a bottle shaped like a vaginal entrance. Or is that a shoe stretcher? You can also buy Marilyn, based on Marilyn Monroe; Monarch (Kate Hepburn), and Blue Suede (Elvis). But remember: These scents do not smell like a dead celebrities. They smell like perfumes… made from the DNA of a dead celebrity.

Of course these notable figures have a magnetic pull, whether for their charisma, talent or sex appeal. But honestly: Does anyone really believe that a little stardust will rub off and make a non-famous person more exciting? Or does buying into this stuff reek of desperation?

Okay, okay. I'll admit it: I'd be interested in Eau de Josephine Baker.

Perfume's Heaven Scent: New 'Antiquity' Fragrances Based On DNA Of Dead Celebs [NY Daily News]
Related: Antiquity [My DNA Fragrance]

• Britney Spears fans in Perth, Australia, are demanding their money back after Spears disappointed them by lip-synching at her concerts. In related news, Britney Spears fans in Perth, Australia have apparently been on Mars since approximately 1997. [SundayTelegraph]

• A former high-ranking Scientologist claims that Tom Cruise once offered to "‘beat the living [bleep]' out of" three Scientology officials who were not receiving tough enough treatment from Scientology "managers" while incarcerated in a "prisonlike facility on the compound." According to Marty Rathburn the ex-Scientologist making these claims: "In response, the mob rushed at the three targeted gentlemen. Fists flew and feet kicked into the three. They continued to pound until … each had two black eyes." [NYDN]
• Oh dear: Carrie Prejean's mother was reportedly in the room when Prejean's "solo sex tape" was shown to the former beauty queen by Miss California USA lawyers. [TMZ]
• Morrissey, who recently returned to the stage after collapsing due to illness a few weeks ago, left a concert early last night after being hit in the head by a bottle. "If there's ever a singer who would not take kindly to a bottle being thrown at him, it's Morrissey," one fan said. [Mirror]
• Taylor Lautner says the paparazzi can decide for themselves if he and Taylor Swift are an item or not: "The very funny thing is that all of you have seen every single move I make, so I guess I can leave that up to you to decide." [USMagazine]
• Ugh: Michael Lohan attempted to get $100,000 dollars for his private tapes of his daughter, Lindsay crying on the telephone, but eventually settled for exposure instead, according to a source :"Michael initially asked for a large fee — six figures — for the tapes of Lindsay and Dina, but he didn't get any takers. Radar Online also refused to pay for the tapes, so in the end he agreed to a deal to release the recordings for no fee, but giving him the exposure he needs with a paid interview." Can't we just pay him to go away, instead? [PageSix]
• Meanwhile, Lohan is set to testify against former BFF Jon Gosselin in TLC's breach of contract lawsuit. [Radar]
• A Christmas Carol led the Friday box office this week, but the true success story of the weekend were the record-breaking numbers brought in by Precious, which took in $585,000 from just 18 theaters; an average of $32,500 per screen. [EW]
• if you want to go on tour with Britney Spears, you have keep it clean; Spears reportedly has told staff members that they might be subjected to random drug testing. "Britney's rule is clear – zero tolerance," says a source, "If you don't comply, you don't tour. We're not even allowed to have a beer or glass of wine with a meal, even on days off." [DailyExpress]
• Ashlee Simpson, who already played Chicago's Roxie Hart on the London stage, may reprise the role on Broadway. [OK]
• Television medium Derek Acorah claims that in a seance with Michael Jackson, the late singer told him he was upset that he hadn't been buried alongside Marilyn Monroe. [TheSun]
• Want to buy a strand of Elvis Presley's hair? Well now you can, I guess, if you're willing to bid at least $250 at an upcoming action. [AP]
• A new actor "auditing" system set up by the UK Film Council has concluded that Kate Winslet is worth approximately £60 million to the British economy. [Telegraph]
• In other cash related news, Nicole Kidman is owed a combined $16,673.09 in cash from NBC Universal and the Wells Fargo bank. [TMZ]
• Rihanna refused a $10,000 bottle of champagne at a Vegas nightclub because she wasn't familiar with Jets player Braylon Edwards and his teammates, who sent it to her. [PageSix]
• Andre Agassi says he was terrified that his wig would fly off during the 1990 French Open (I still can't believe it was a wig. A wig!), and that his wig "scared the heck out of me. I kept envisioning what this would be like if my hair just flew off and landed. Like, what would I do? Would I go over and kill it, or would I — would I quickly put it back on?" [PageSix]
• Kate Moss "maintains her hair herself these days" after falling out with stylist James Brown. [DailyMail]
• Russell Brand and Katy Perry are going strong at seven weeks: "The pair could not keep the smiles off their faces as they walked hand-in-hand around the sophisticated London neighbourhood." [DailyMail]
• Kate Hudson says she had to quit smoking because "it was starting to drive me crazy! I didn't like the way the car smelt, or my hair and clothes. It takes you away from the family and the things you're doing. You don't realize it at the time. Then when you're done, you go, ‘Wow, I do so much more in a day – including eat.'" [ShowbizSpy]
• Mad Max: Fury Road, the third film in the Mad Max series, will begin shooting in Australia next year with British actor Tom Hardy in the lead role. [DailyExpress]
• Ray Davies says he's considering a reality show to find cast members for his upcoming musical, Come Dancing, which is based on the history of his band, The Kinks. [DailyExpress]
• "He's a terrific director. You never know what you're getting into with any director, but he's been in this business for so long that he really know what he's doing and he's a great director. All of us enjoyed working with him so much." -Blake Lively on working for Ben Affleck. [JustJared]
• "Coming from being molested as a child, when [director Lee Daniels] said, 'I need you to be this monster,' well [I] knew who that monster was." -Mo'Nique on her role in Precious. [People]
• "You might think I'd bring up Joe [Jonas], that guy who broke up with me on the phone, but I'm not gonna mention him in my monologue. Hey Joe, I'm doing real well. Tonight, I'm hosting SNL but I'm not gonna brag about that in my monologue. La la la. Ha ha ha. La la la."-Taylor Swift, in her SNL monologue, obviously. [JustJared]
• The teen burglars who ransacked the homes of Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, and Orlando Bloom, among others, apparently got into the homes simply by walking through unlocked front doors. [People]
• "It is a very odd feeling to know that everything you say and do is going to be examined by people. I made the decision last year to keep my private life to myself. I can't do anything about all the speculation. I know what is true and that is all that matters."-Kristen Stewart [ShowbizSpy]
• "I said at the beginning that it was about change, and things did change in the '60s. But from the beginning of the series, I wanted there to be stakes to the fact that [Don] behaved the way he [did]. That's what you're seeing enacted right now: the irony of the fact that he came clean to Betty and his worst fear was that she wouldn't love him anymore. And there you are."-Matthew Weiner on tonight's Mad Men season finale. [NYMag]

• Katherine Heigl and husband Josh Kelley have completed the adoption of a 10-month-old Korean girl. They named her Nancy Leigh, after Katherine's mother Nancy and sister Margaret Leigh, but she'll go by the nickname Naleigh. [AP]

• Lindsay Lohan Tweeted today: "Hahahaha my publicist just called me & said she heard I was in a psych ward!!!! Hahaha WHAT IS WRONG with people???? I'm working lol," adding, "BUT that's one I've NEVER heard about myself before! New ones r always interesting huh? There's SO much more going on in the world! Wake up." [People]
• Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony were in Washington, D.C. yesterday on his 41st birthday for the Congressional Hispanic Caucas gala. Back stage President Obama led a group of senators and congressmen in singing "Happy Birthday." "I'm telling you, J.Lo, watch out," said the President. [People]
• Martha Stewart says of Jessica Simpson losing her dog Daisy when she was snatched by a coyote, "It's pretty sad... She should have watched it more closely, though. She should have been more careful." Martha says Jess should "Get another dog... I think it's very important to get another dog, someone else to love. You just have to find the dog that's the right match for you." Martha's probably right, but that's some pretty harsh advice, considering Jess is still looking for Daisy. [Us]
• Madonna and Janet Jackson chatted after the VMAs and decided to record a duet as a tribute to Michael Jackson. A source says, "It was a meeting of two great musical minds. Madonna was so impressed with Janet's tribute to Michael that they started talking about how great it would be to honour him by doing something together…There was definitely something very interesting being planned between them." [Ok]
• As Michael Jackson's will is probated, which could take 1 to 2 years, Katherine Jackson will get an allowance of $26,804 a month along with $60,000 for his children. [TMZ]
• Kate Major says, "If I could talk to Kate Gosselin, I would definitely, I think we would have a lot in common and I feel badly for her. I think she's definitely taking the high road in this and I'm sure it's very hard and the last thing I would want is for any of his children to see this, but then again, I'm not the parent." [Star]
• Stephanie Santoro's mom says when her daughter told her she was sleeping with Jon Gosselin, "I said, ‘Stephanie you don't need to get pregnant' and she told me ‘Mom you don't have to worry about that, he told me he after the sextuplets were born he'd had a vasectomy so I didn't need to worry about that.'" [Radar Online]
• Kate Gosselin and Paula Deen will film the pilot for their talk show Mom Logic this weekend. The plan is to have multiple hosts rotate in and Sandra Bernhard and Tammy Lynn Michaels are up for the job. [Radar]
• Avril Lavigne and Deryck Whibley have split up and divorce papers will be filed any day according to a source who adds, "She dumped him and told him she was leaving him. She wants to move on." They have been married for three years. [Extra TV]
• Kanye West has been nominated for 9 BET Hip-Hop Awards. Maybe Taylor Swift should show up to the awards show on October 27. [AP]
• Star has pictures of DJ AM and Paris Hilton hugging at a September 2007 party and later Paris went back to his hotel room with a group of people and spent the night. The mag is excited about the prospect of this re-igniting the Paris-Nicole Richie feud. [Star]
• The "Dancing curse" struck again when Dancing With The Stars contestant Kathy Ireland split the side of her leg open while surfing. Her husband, who is an ER doctor was on duty and stiched her up. She should still be able to compete. [E!]
• In their new Patrick Swayze cover story, Entertainment Weekly quotes him as saying, "No matter what opinion Hollywood has of you, the fans never forget you if you never forget them." [ONTD]
• Lake Lure, North Carolina, where Dirty Dancing was filmed, is holding a memorial service for Patrick Swayze at the housing development where some scenes were shot. [AP]
• Cameron's house from the movie Ferris Bueller's Day Off is on a list of endangered Illinois landmarks. It's on the market for $2.3 million and may be torn down. [Newser]
• Dave Coulier owes about $50,000 in back taxes and the IRS has filed a lien against him. [TMZ]
• Kate Moss is planning to sing at Simon Cowell's birthday party as a surprise (which probably won't be so surprising, considering even we know about it). Kate and Simon ahve been friends for years and she's planning a performance for his 50th birthday party according to a source who says, "It's a toss up between a sexy Marilyn Monroe-style ‘Happy Birthday', or her speciality Lily Allen's 'Not Fair', which she has been practising with her friend Lily." [Ok]
• Sissy Spacek is joining Big Love. She'll play a powerful D.C. lobbyist next season. [L.A. Times]
• A copy of the 1996 magazine in which John Lennon said the Beatles were more popular than Jesus has sold at auction for $12,713. For some reason he signed "John C. Lennon" even though is middle name was Winston. The actual quote was: "Christianity will go. It will vanish and shrink. I needn't argue about that; I'm right and I will be proved right. We're more popular than Jesus now. I don't know which will go first - rock 'n' roll or Christianity." [AP]
• The designers behind Threeasfour say Yoko Ono was the inspiration for their Spring 2010 collection. Yoko says, "My art and their art, it's very similar. Very elitist, in a way. Very interested in making the good work, but the good work, sometimes people love it but it's not very commercial. I think it's interesting that they are doing something commercial now." [Style.com]
• Seth Myers says of writing the Sarah Palin skits for Saturday Night Live last year, "We were a little bit terrified because it was such juicy material we didn't want to let ourselves down by missing on it. We got a fastball last year." He adds, "As a writing staff, we do find it kind of tricky to crack the Obama nut, but I do think we'll get there." [AP]
• Megan Fox on her sexual power over men: "I don't think you ever get comfortable with it...It's a strange, sort of almost supernatural thing." [People]
• Evan Rachel Wood says she doesn't know what's going to happen on the next season of True Blood but, "I am waiting just like everyone else to find out. I have no idea what Alan Ball has up his sleeve for me, but he has assured me that it's all going to make sense eventually, so I'm just waiting to see. But I have heard that she's going to get a little more intense and a little scarier because she is pretty diva-ish and bratty right now; she's definitely going to get more in-depth." [She Wired]
• Chris Meloni says even though Law and Order: SVU's plotlines involve rape and murder, the mood on the set isn't grim. "It's very much akin to the gallows humor that real life homicide detectives resort to. It's a chop-busting extravaganza on set. Among the recurring themes are how often all of us flub our lines and Richard Belzer's inability to hit his mark," he says. [W]
• People interviewed Kermit the Frog about going to the VMAs with Lady Gaga. He said, "Well, I wouldn't really call it a "date" – at least not if I don't want to end up as a coat for Miss Piggy. Y'see, I just gave Lady Gaga a ride to the VMAs, and when Lady Gaga left her credentials in the limo, I had to bring them to her. (On the off-chance security didn't recognize her. Hey, it could happen.) Of course, after Lady Gaga and I were seen on the red carpet together, well … Miss Piggy got a little jealous. But I definitely did get a ride home – in the trunk!" [People]

• George Michael was arrested on suspicion of driving under the influence yesterday after driving his car into the side of a truck. According to a police spokeswoman, he was "later released without charge" after five hours in police custody. [E!]

• Michael seemed "seemed completely disorientated, like he had no idea what was going on," says Laurie Rowe, the driver of the truck Michael hit, "He looked totally dazed and even tried to climb into the cab of my lorry. He kept saying he was worried he would go to jail." Luckily, both drivers were able to walk away from the crash. [DailyMail]
• Jon and Kate Gosselin were spotted together yesterday, along with their children, just a day after the couple had a "blowout" fight over Jon's babysitter choices that resulted in Kate being removed from the family's home by the police. [USMagazine]
• Meanwhile, Hailey Glassman says Jon Gosselin is her "first love" and that she's not in it for the publicity: "I'm not some famewhore," she says, "I've been in hiding for three months. Do I choose my life or do I choose Jon? I stay in my house with my parents where I feel safe. Take my 15 minutes, you can have it back. Please take it back!" [USWeekly]
• Jerry Seinfeld will be the first guest on Jay Leno's new show. [Reuters]
• Robert Pattinson is reportedly "comforting" Camilla Belle after her breakup with Joe Jonas. "They've been on the phone every night," says a source, "They sit and talk for hours on end, just making each other laugh. He also sends her sweet little text messages throughout the day." [ShowbizSpy]
• An arrest warrant has been issued for Bobby Brown, who allegedly has failed to pay child support for two of his children. [Reuters]
• Mila Kunis has happy memories of her former That 70's Show male costars: "[Ashton] Kutcher used to help me with my science homework. Wilmer [Valderrama] taught me to drive. Topher [Grace] talked about movies all the time. And Danny [Masterson] took me to my first club and bought me my first drink. He was my prom date, too." [PageSix]
• Brad Pitt says he quit smoking pot once he became a dad: "I certainly had my day. Now it kind of turns me into a doughnut," he says, "I'm a dad now. You want to be alert and my eyes used to glaze over when I did that." [DailyMail]
• Ugh: the crypt directly above Marilyn Monroe's is being auctioned off on Ebay by a widow who plans to move her husband's remains in order to "pay off the $1 million mortgage on her Beverly Hills home." [TheSun]
• Hugh Grant says he's considering retirement due to a severe case of stage fright: "In recent years, I've had really bad attacks, where I totally freeze up," he says, "I thought, 'Well, if I'm going to get stage fright, then I'm packing it in.'" [DailyExpress]
• Rachel McAdams ran into Antonio Sabato, Jr. on the set of Today, when both of them were promoting new projects, and was a bit starstruck. "Rachel was blushing and told Antonio she had the biggest crush on him in high school," says a source. Sabato returned the compliment by sending McAdams a bouquet of flowers. [PageSix]
• Charlize Theron hopes to have a big family someday: "I just know I'm going to have five boys." [TheSun]
• Cybill Shepherd says she left Elvis Presley after realizing that his drug addiction was out of control: "He said, 'Here, take these,' and he had pills in his hands and I said, 'Aren't you gonna take some of them?' and he said, 'Well, I've already had mine. He was almost already asleep and I went and flushed them down the toilet, returned his emerald and diamond ring and just said, 'Thankyou, but I can't.'" [DailyExpress]
• Lady Gaga gets fairly naked and kisses a woman in her new video. Apparently this is still considered "controversial." In 2009. [DailyMail]
• Hilary Duff has traveled to Bogota, Colombia, in order to distribute 3,000 backpacks filled with food to poor children via her Blessings in a Backpack program. [NYTimes]
• "If a girl wears a short skirt or dress, men automatically think, 'She wants it, and she's probably an animal in bed.' I just want to feel sexy today. I don't want you." -Amber Rose [PageSix]
• M.C. Hammer says he's planning a "companion" piece to Please, Hammer, Don't Hurt 'Em. The album, called "Don't Hurt Em", will "capture again the very essence and vibes of 'Please Hammer, Don't Hurt 'Em,' but updated with the sonic quality of today ... There'll be a lot of parallels between the two, but certainly it'll be very 2010." That's all well and good, but when are we going to get an Addams Family Groove remix!? [Reuters]

• A London man found the album from Amy Winehouse's wedding to Blake Fielder-Civil in a dumpster with some photos torn out and Amy's beehive colored in.

• The man said, "I don't know if Amy threw the album away or her ex (did), but my wife said that's what she would do if we ever divorced, so it could have been the actions of an angry woman... Whoever threw it away obviously never wanted to look at that album again." Amy's rep issued a statement that she wanted it back, and the man returned it. [The Daily Express]
• A 44-year-old woman has accused Dr. Phil or sexually molesting her when she was being treated by him and interning for him in the summer of 1985, according to The National Enquirer. "He profoundly affected the course of my life. The world should know this man is a predator and a bully. He shouldn't be telling Americans how to live their lives, how to improve themselves." said the woman. [The National Enquirer]
• Vanessa Hudgens lawyer says she's considering filing criminal charges against websites that publish nude photos of her taken when she was underage. She took the photos herself and believes her computer may have been hacked. [TMZ]
• Tony Curtis claims in his new book The Making of 'Some Like It Hot' that he and Marilyn Monroe had an affair while filming the movie. They were both married to other people, and he says she was pregnant with his child, but miscarried. [The Daily Mail]
• Despite recent rumors that Katherine Jackson is so convinced foul play was involved in Michael Jackson's death she wants a third autopsy done on his body, a family source says, "there is neither a plan nor a need for another autopsy." [E!]
• The Jackson family has finally decided to bury Michael Jackson at Forest Lawn cemetery six weeks after his death. [WENN]
• In a federal complaint filed in New York, DEA agents say Michael Douglas' son Cameron Douglas has moved "pounds" of crystal meth since 2006. He was investigated for three years and allegedly tens of thousands of dollars of crystal meth. Three of his former clients are cooperating with prosecutors in the hope that the sentence for their narcotics convictions will be reduced. [TMZ]
• Miley Cyrus has been granted a temporary restraining order against Mark McLeod, the man arrested on Tuesday for allegedly attempting to stalk her. [TMZ]
• Wrigley's has "formally terminated" their relationship with Chris Brown. When news of his assault on Rihanna originally came out the company just suspended his campaign. [TMZ]
• Many American Idol staffers are excited to see Paula Abdul go according to a "veteran key Idol staff member" who said, "Can't you hear our celebration? We broke out the good champagne tonight." [Chicago Sun-Times]
• Paula says Simon Cowell already misses her and claims she hasn't heard that Nigel Lythgoe of offered her a guest judge spot on an episode of So You Think You Can Dance. [TMZ]
• Some American Idol sources say there's a good chance Paula Abdul will come back to the show next season. [TMZ]
• Victoria Beckham will guest judge one episode of American Idol next season. [The Daily Mail]
• Tom Sizemore was arrested on domestic violence charges after an altercation with a woman in L.A. last night and is still in custody. [TMZ]
• Polish fire emergency services have to approve evacuation routes before Madonna's Warsaw concert can take place. Some Polish Roman Catholics are protesting the concert, which is scheduled to take place during the feast of the Assumption of the Holly Virgin Mary because they say Madonna is anti-Christian. [UPI]
• A lawyer for Samantha Burke, who is having Jude Law's baby in October, responded to an interview request saying, "At this time, Samantha has decided not to give an exclusive story," which Radar thinks is news. [Radar Online]
• Does the following sentence mean anything to you? "Leonardo DiCaprio went on a mad bender in Ibiza last night - with Jodie Marsh's ex-hubby Matt Peacock." We know how to say, "Where is the library?" and "Did Peter Andre cheat on Jordan?" but are still not fluent in British. [The Sun]
• Kid Rock sent over $1,500 to a pizza boy who was beaten by a gang and needed emergency reconstructive surgery after reading about his story in The Cincinnati Enquirer. [The Daily Express]
• Steven Tyler was dancing onstage and fell off the stage at a show in South Dakota. He was taken to the hospital and treated for minor head, neck, and shoulder injuries. Video at the link. [TMZ]
• Kate Gosselin will be on Today on Monday for her first interview since she and Jon Gosselin announced that they're divorcing. [Associated Press]
• On August 15 Alyssa Milano will marry talent agent David Bugliari at a private home in New Jersey. [Radar Online]
• Milla Jovovich and director Paul Anderson will marry on August 22. "It's going to be small," she said, "It's just going to be family and close friends. And it's at our home and it's going to be kind of like Havana/Cuban, like very California-Spanish feeling. It's going to be nice." [People]
• The Jay Leno Show will premiere on September 14 with musical guests Jay-Z, Rihanna, and Kanye West. [Variety]
• Britney Spears will appear at the Teen Choice Awards on Monday night. [BritneySpears.com]
• Kristen Wiig bought a Manhattan co-op from Mad Men and Sopranos director Alan Taylor. [N.Y. Observer]
• In the video at the link RHOA's NeNe Leakes says, "I TiVo a lot of things I'm on. I'm just the bomb," and discusses her love for Anderson Cooper and Maxwell. [Entertainment Weekly]
• In Paul Giamatti's new film Cold Souls he plays "an angst-ridden actor who is also Paul Giamatti and who literally has his soul surgically removed to help him cope with the stress of his career and life." He says of playing a fictional version of himself, "The only time it really struck me as very weird was when someone said my whole name during a scene, and I'd go, 'We should cut and start again because there's obviously a mistake there.' Then I'd remember I was actually playing me." [Reuters]
• Molly Ringwald says of her new twins Roman Stylianos and Adele Georgiana, "You get up with one of the babies and feed and change that one and get the baby back to sleep, and the other wakes up, and then you feed and change that one. It is exhausting, but it's wonderful," [People]
• "My friends love coming over [to my house], because they get fed," says Jennifer Aniston. "It's the best restaurant in town." Her personal chef adds, "Jen's a homebody. It's been so much fun to create a place where everybody feels comfortable, like one big family." [People]
• Sienna Miller says she "probably looked awful" for dating married father of four Balthazar Getty. "I probably seem like not a particularly nice person, not a girl's girl," she said. "I do think sometimes people get morally superior without understanding situations and the situation I got into was not ideal, but it happened and if I could go back and be more responsible, I would." [Us]

• Oprah is being sued for $1 trillion. That is one trillion dollars. Here's the deal:

Author Damon Lloyd Goffe of the Bronx claims that in April 2008, Oprah confessed to seizing (?) and publishing (on the web) a first draft of his work, A Tome of Poetry, under the title Pieces Of My Soul. [National Enquirer]

• Newly unemployed Paula Abdul might go to The View: The show's rep says "She was always welcome on the program in the past and always will be in the future." Paula might fill in during Elisabeth Hasselbeck's maternity leave, but probably won't be offered a full-time job; the rep says: "We aren't hiring, of course." [E!]
• Apparently Paula's Idol resignation Tweet took many Idol staffers by surprise. When asked if Paula will be replaced, one exec said: "I have no idea." [MSNBC Scoop]
• Former American Idol producer Nigel Lythgoe says he's talked with Paula about coming to Fox's So You Think You Can Dance. "With Paula's background as a dancer, choreographer and reality judge now, I don't know anyone more qualified than Paula Abdul." [NY Daily News]
• "Who can replace Paula Abdul on 'American Idol?' Sarah Palin? Judge Judy?" LOL. [NY Daily News]
• You know who will be on American Idol? Victoria Beckham. Yes, Posh Spice will make a guest appearance on the judging panel. Zigazig-ah. [Daily Mail]
• Posh's appearance will be a one-off. [People]
• Britney wants to marry her manager-boyfriend Jason Trawick and have his baby (she wants a girl), but a source says: "Jason's last long-term relationship ended because he wouldn't pop the question." As always, consider the source on this. [MSNBC via National Enquirer]
• Kristin Davis is caught in the middle of Mideast politics — she is no longer a spokeswoman for human rights/relief organization Oxfam International because she endorses the Ahava cosmetics line, which is made by Dead Sea Cosmetics in the Mitzhe Shalem Jewish settlement in the West Bank. Oxfam considers this "disputed" territory. [Page Six]
• A new batch of nude photographs of Vanessa Hudgens hit the internet and her lawyer confirms that they are real and that she was underage when they were taken. You've got to wonder who keeps leaking pictures of the Disney teen queen, and how he or she is getting access to these images. [Perez]
• According to this report, the Vanessa Hudgens pix are actually old. Yet! Released just in time: There's a red carpet premiere of her new flick, Bandslam, tomorrow. [E!]
• Mischa Barton didn't go to some castmate's birthday party and we're supposed to read something into that. [Page Six]
• Matt Damon, Don Cheadle and George Clooney are hanging out at Cloon's luxurious Lake Como estate, like an Ocean's Eleven reunion. Except no Brad Pitt. [NY Daily News]
• Aerosmith's Steven Tyler was airlifted to a hospital after falling off the stage during a show in South Dakota. Not a joke: He went down during the song "Love In An Elevator." His injuries are reportedly not too serious: minor head and neck injuries and a shoulder injury. [AP]
• In a poll by lovefilm.com (?), Anne Hathaway was named best actress under 30. Keira Knightley got second place. [Telegraph]
• It's tough to describe the creeptastic pictures in the results of this "NYC Prep Meets Yearbook Yourself" post, but there are retro hairstyles and Morrissey quotes, so you'd better just click and see. [The Faster Times]
• Michael Jackson and rapper Fabolous are on the top of the Billboard charts. [Reuters]
• A South Korean newspaper is suing Michael Jackson's estate for $7.9 million over some canceled concert dates in 1990. As if Katherine Jackson's lawyers didn't have enough to worry about. [AP]
• Katherine Jackson will be telling Prince and Paris that their biological mom is Debbie Rowe in the next few weeks. [NY Post]
• A play at the Edinburgh Fringe festival — with an all-Malawian cast — is about Madonna's adoption saga and titled Mercy Madonna of Malawi. Her Madgesty is played by a black male actor in a blonde wig, and he looks like he's loving it. [BBC News]
• If you haven't seen it yet, the animated Modest Mouse video directed by Heath Ledger can be found at the link. [NY Daily News]
• Barbra Streisand is auctioning off more than 400 personal items to benefit her charity: A baby grand piano, a dress from Funny Lady, some outfits from Meet The Fockers. "What good does it do in storage?" Barbra asks. The Streisand Foundation supports women's, children's, environmental and political causes. [AP]
• Catherine Deneuve was booed at a performance in Italy, where she was reading at a cultural festival. Attendees may have been frustrated that she was reading in French and there were no subtitles. [AP]
• Pedro Almodóvar turns 60 next month, and is about to release his 17th feature film, Broken Embraces. He says: "I want to make more. Right now, I feel a sense of urgency that I never had before to make films. I feel much more in a hurry now than when I was 20 or 30. Time passes." And! On muse Penelope Cruz: "Hollywood doesn't take such risks with actors. They're not that rich in female characters either. I have the advantage that I know Penelope very well as a friend. She has such faith in me, so I can take more risks, bring out those unseen Penelopes, that other directors wouldn't dare to try or conceive." Be sure and click the link and watch the trailer, in which Cruz wears a bunch of different wigs and channels Audrey Hepburn and Marilyn Monroe. [Telegraph]
• Liam Neeson will star in Unknown White Male, a thriller from the director of Orphan, in which Neeson will play a doctor who gets into a car accident and goes into a coma. When he wakes up, his wife doesn't recognize him — and she's living with another man who has assumed his identity. [Variety]
• HBO, which has been getting very lady-friendly lately, is developing a show for Laura Dern. The premise? A formerly self-destructive woman has a spiritual awakening and becomes determined to live an enlightened life, wreaking unintended consequences." Writer? Mike White, School Of Rock. [Women & Hollywood]
• Thomas Beatie, known as the "pregnant man," is pitching a reality series to Oxygen to TLC. [NY Daily News]
• Retrogossip: "Marilyn Monroe and Tony Curtis had affair while making 'Some Like it Hot,' Curtis reveals in book.… The 84-year-old actor writes that he and Monroe had an affair while making the movie in 1958 which left her pregnant. Had she not miscarried, Marilyn would have been his baby mama." [Gatecrasher]
• "He'd better start making some good films ... I'm not a great fan of Public Enemies, because I think [Michael Mann's] a fucking extraordinary filmmaker, but personally I didn't think Johnny had enough room to act ... He's making so much money. There was a piece in the Huffington Post today. It's a letter saying 'All right, come on, we all love you, but stop.' ... It's like, 'Come on. You've got the power to make some really good films happen. Why are you doing this shit?'" — Terry Gilliam on Johnny Depp. [NY Mag]
• "Chris Kattan wanting to be a leading man is a joke, and it's a great way to poke fun of myself. It's not so much about finding a gig but good, respectful gigs." — Chris Kattan, on his role in Bollywood Hero, in which he decides to head to India and reinvent himself as the star of a Bollywood epic, Peculiar Dancing Boy. [USA Today
• "My priorities have shifted completely, which has helped my career because there's this new peace that I have. If I never did anything again, I would be a mom and I'd be totally happy being a mom. Everything has fallen into place so beautifully because I'm not trying so hard. If my daughter's OK, I can concentrate on something else. So it's not like all day I'm thinking about me." — Milla Jovovich. [LA Times]
• "If this article comes out and we're not together, I'd still love [Tony]," she says. "And he'd still be a huge part of who I am today." — Jessica Simpson, to Glamour magazine. [NY Daily News]
• The thing is that American Idol obviously appeals to a massive audience, and they have everything from little teenagers that freak out and scream when they see me. Then there's the sort of weird kids that were a little bit different and alternative than everyone else and were getting into Idol, too. You have the single moms. You have the Oprah audience. You have the grandmothers. You have women that want a baby. Women that want to fuck you. Women that want you to fuck their daughter or people that want to make you cookies. So you have everything. But I'll tell you, I definitely have a pretty hard-core sort of middle-age woman following. It's awesome when anyone follows, but I think that if I had a new hit on the radio and I was playing shows, you'd see a lot more of the teeners there, but the women that are dedicated, that travel all over the country to see me, are from 30 to 50 and some older, definitely. You know that's all been really great and fun, but I'm very focused on the work and eventually settling down and finding one nice girl, preferably Greek." — Constantine Maroulis, former Idol contestant and current Broadway star in Rock Of Ages.[The Daily Beast]

You're not the only one, Linds: it has become a fairly standard (and boring) Hollywood standby to dress various ingenues up as Monroe, slapping a blonde wig on their heads and trying to recreate an arguably inimitable image over and over again. There is no one who really looks like Marilyn Monroe; there are only a bunch of photographs of people who are desperately trying to look like Marilyn Monroe.

It's not surprising that so many people cling to the image of Marilyn Monroe: she represents a lost Hollywood glamour, an iconic image of sex and beauty and heartbreak and fame. But what is lost in these "tribute" photo shoots is the sadness and tragedy behind those famous images, the fact that this was a woman who died under shady circumstances at the age of 36, after a life filled as many, if not more fairly dark and sad times than there were happy ones.

The fact that Lohan has just completed her 800th "Marilyn Monroe inspired" photoshoot (this time for Vogue Spain is a bit unsettling: not only because it's boring and expected at this point, but because it solidifies the notion that we're still trying to push a 50-year-old image of glamour and beauty as the ideal. What's wrong with Lindsay's red hair and freckles? Why can't she just pose as herself once in a while? Why do we always go back to the blonde hair and the big boobs and the come hither stare? And if actresses don't put on their best Marilyn visage, they often go to the opposite end of the spectrum: playing the doe-eyed, stick skinny ingenue best represented by another celebrity obsession we all need to step away from: Audrey Hepburn.

It's a very strange cycle, when one thinks about it: Marilyn Monroe didn't even exist, she was a construct of the studios, a costume worn by Norma Jean Baker in order to navigate the strange waters of celebrity and sex. Every time we hold Marilyn up as an ideal, we're holding up the notion that a woman has to reinvent herself to the point of losing herself completely, hiding under layers of beauty and glitz as a means to hide a very real sense of pain and fear beneath. Though her unabashed sexuality has been celebrated, she was also objectified and used by those around her; she became, and remains, a product used to sell tickets and t-shirts and magazines. She was a victim many times over, but it seems that young actresses choose to latch on to her exterior as opposed to the person below the surface, and where a cautionary tale should be, an idolization is instead.

Perhaps it's time for Lindsay Lohan, and for everyone else, to stop parading around in Marilyn Monroe costumes and acting as if it's glamorous or fun. If Marilyn Monroe taught us anything, it's that there's no real happiness in being someone you're not.

Revealed: Lindsay Lohan Channels Marilyn Monroe For Spanish Vogue [People]

1.) "God, Guns, Guts, and American Pickup Trucks"
That's this guy's motto for his truck dealership in rural Missouri. He gives away a free AK-47 with each vehicle purchased. While being interviewed on CNN's American Morning, he made some compelling arguments for his business model:

"The only 911 call I need is chambering a round."
"There is a tremendous crime problem with people doing meth and these people – they've lost their souls."
"You don't have a problem with God, do you? I'm just curious…"
"We're a Christian nation."
"You don't think God wants us to defend ourselves? I'm confused."

2.) Paris Hilton: "I'm Not Retarded"

3.) Me: "Yes You Are"

4.) Barbara Walters' Speech Impediment
I've finally cracked the code to the cause of Barbara Walters' "accent." She says her R's backwards, so they come out as "raw" instead of "arh."

5.) Big Brother

I'm so obsessed with these turds. This sums up how I'm feeling right now:

6.) Gay Penguin Dramz
After a six-year relationship, Harry and Pepper, two gay male penguins living in a zoo in San Francisco, are no longer an item. Harry left Pepper for a woman. (A penguin one, not a human one.)

7.) And This

8.) Things Are Different in Canada

9.) Who Does Jon Gosselin Think He Is?
Remember when the father of eight said that he was sick of doing the show and sick of paparazzi? He's so sick of the celebrity life, that he just needed to get away from it—by sipping champagne on a private yacht floating in the French Riviera.

10.) Wrap It Up, Linda

Was Marilyn Monroe a plus-sized beauty? An average dame? A svelte sphinx who's been a posthumous victim of vanity size deflation? Like the Bible and the Nazis, she's become a rhetorical gambit that can seemingly be twisted to support any argument. The argument has been further confused by various celebrities' authoritative pronouncements. Liz Hurley made perhaps her most lasting contribution to the cultural lexicon when she notoriously declared to Allure, "I've always thought Marilyn Monroe looked fabulous, but I'd kill myself if I was that fat...I went to see her clothes in the exhibition, and I wanted to take a tape measure and measure what her hips were. (laughter) She was very big." Roseanne, for her part, stated in '96 that, "I'm more sexy than Pamela Lee or whoever else they've got out there these days. Marilyn Monroe was a size 16. That says it all."

Okay, first of all, when folks toss around the "Size 16" thing, yes, that's a British 16, by which they mean a U.S. Size 12. (Although it should be said that some have made the claim for the U.S. 16, too.) Then too, this doesn't even make a lot of sense, because most of Marilyn's clothes, and certainly her costumes, like those of any star of the era, would have been custom-made. And as anyone who's seen her films knows, her weight shifted a lot, so any "Marilyn Monroe was X size" statement is, stopped clock-style, probably going to be accurate at some point.

But if people demand numbers? They're certainly out there. According to measurements from Marilyn Monroe's dressmaker:
Height: 5 feet, 5½ inches
Weight: 118-140 pounds
Bust: 35-37 inches
Waist: 22-23 inches
Hips: 35-36 inches
Bra size: 36D

In other words, whatever her size, her figure was an unusually dramatic hour-glass, which makes it kind of strange for women to compare themselves to her anyway. When a collector displayed a bunch of her most famous costumes in London recently, "they had to get a special mold made for the corset and swimwear dummies in the exhibition because Monroe was such an extreme hourglass shape that no off-the-peg dummies existed in those measurements."

So, what size was she? Well, like most women, she wasn't one size everywhere. When British journalist Sara Buys had a chance to try on some of Marilyn's clothes earlier this year, she reported:

After all these years, mystery and conspiracy theories still surround her death, but when it comes to her physical attributes, I can put a few facts straight. Contrary to received wisdom, she was not a voluptuous size 16 – quite the opposite. While she was undeniably voluptuous – in possession of an ample bosom and a bottom that would look at home gyrating in a J-Lo video – for most of the early part of her career, she was a size 8 and even in her plumper stages, was no more than a 10. I can tell you this from experience because a few weeks ago, I tried to try on her clothes.

Okay, now we have to translate British sizes. (HuffPo, adding to the confusion, neglected to do this in their link headline from April.) Depending on the designer, a British 10 might translate as an 8, a 6, or even a 4. And vintage clothes of that era were cut slim, intended to be worn with serious girdles, so take this into account. The answer? There's no "exact" number. All we can know for sure is that Marilyn Monroe was a gorgeous, dramatically curvaceous woman with a physique heavier and curvier than that which is en vogue now.

The better question is, why do we care? To show the evolution of our aesthetic, certainly. And obviously, curvier women were the ideal - and whatever the verdict on Marilyn, stars like Jane Russell and Esther Williams were more voluptuous, larger-framed and more athletic than almost any we see on the screen today. But stars were always thin and urged by the studios to be thinner (see: Judy Garland.) Maybe part of the Marilyn fixation is what Buys gets at: with a figure so enigmatic, we want to pin down as many facts as we can. And what we're really talking about is not Marilyn Monroe's dress size: it's her sexiness. Marilyn Monroe was an icon, not of fashion, but of sexiness: a combination of her beauty, her obvious comfort with her physicality, her intelligence, and her vulnerability. Her dress size does not explain this, or give us a clue: she is iconic because she was unique, and no amount of arguing is going to change that.

It's not about proving whether Marilyn Monroe was "plus-sized" or not; obviously, plus-sized women can be beautiful and sexy, whether Marilyn belongs to the sorority or no. Can we make a resolution, please? Let's leave Marilyn Monroe out of the discussion from now on. She was a beautiful woman with an iconic body of work and a fanatical following, but her dress size - which fluctuated and had very little relation to the clothes and styles we wear today - has nothing to do with your size, my size, or that of anyone in Hollywood today. Comparing oneself to anyone is counterproductive, and in this case it's futile. Marilyn was someone who was comfortable with her body, and it's this that comes through. So let's follow her example - and leave the woman in peace.

Was Marilyn Monroe Really A Size 16? [Huffington Post]
Was Marilyn Monroe A Size 16? [London Times]
Downsizing Figures [Chicago Sun-Times]
With Respect to Roseanne [The New Yorker]
Marilyn Monroe Facts [Marilyn Monroe Pages]

[Los Angeles, May 5. Image via x17]

• Kiefer Sutherland may be looking at a minor assault charge in NYC for headbutting designer Jack McCollough. The real problem?

He may have violated the probation of his L.A. DUI conviction. If so, it's back to the slammer. [People]

• According to this report, Kiefer Sutherland will surrender today and be charged with with third-degree assault for his "attack" on Jack McCollough. [NY Daily News, TMZ, E!]
• Kiefer will get a desk ticket for the headbutt — meaning he won't be jailed and he's free to travel. [NY Daily News, NY Post]
• Donald Trump intends to make a decision about Miss California Carrie Prejean very soon; additionally, the guy from the website which has been releasing "controversial" photos of her says he has more, and he intends to post them. [E!]
• The Carrie Prejean semi-nude pictures will "roll out" slowly. [CNN]
• Chris Brown's lawyer, Mark Geragos, has filed legal papers asking the LAPD to state how the picture of Rihanna was leaked to TMZ. If there was misconduct by law enforcement, Geragos will file a motion to have the case dismissed. [TMZ]
• Oprah wrote her Time 100 essay about Michelle Obama on her BlackBerry: "And then I went to hit the wrong button and the whole thing deleted! I went to hit 'Save' and instead I hit ... 'Oh my God! Oh my God! It's gone!' That ever happened to you? And then you can't remember - not one sentence you wrote." What did she do? "I couldn't even think for two days… I couldn't even, like, think of a sentence. I stared at the BlackBerry, then I hit every button trying to make it come back. I hit 'Options.' I did everything!" Then she started over. [New York Mag, Gatecrasher]
• Lindsay and Sam: Romantic relapse? A source says Sam might take LL back. They've been texting and "having visits." But another source says: "Lindsay plays stupid mind games saying she is being pursued by major celebrity actors. She has a lot of free time to play all these childish games. Sam knows in her head, life is truly better off without Lindsay." [People]
• This paper claims that Lindsay Lohan "chased her ex-lover across LA yesterday before finally tracking her down at 2am and demanding one of those horrible late-night discussions." [Daily Mail]
• Steve Zahn had to touch Jennifer Aniston's ass for the new flick, The Management, and says: "We had to do it so many times. It's so weird, very awkward and bizarre. [But] she's a pro, a gifted actor, humble, modest, a genuinely kind person. She has no agenda. She's just a really beautiful person." So wait: she's not desperate and lonely, sobbing over an empty uterus? Huh. [People]
• Jennifer Aniston says if there's gonna be a Friends movie, "they should hurry up." [Mirror]
• Jennifer Aniston and Bradley Cooper: Flirting??!?!?!?! [Page Six]
• In the new Marie Claire, Beyoncé says that when she was singing for the Obamas in January, she was almost overcome: "I had to tell myself, 'They asked you to do this. You have to do a great job. This is their history. Calm down. Calm down… I barely made it. Literally seconds before the song started, I was crying like a 5-year-old." [People]
• In this video, some dude who works security at a Pennsylvania motel says Jon Gosselin from Jon & Kate Plus 8 shows up frequently and was seen "romantically kissing" a woman who was not his wife. [Radar Online]
• "Twilight fans fell in love with Robert Pattinson as a vampire who makes girls swoon. But in Little Ashes, which opens on Friday, the actor explores a relationship that could reshape his heartthrob image." No one wants you to forget that he sexes a dude in this flick. No one. [Reuters>]
• Another day, another Michael Jackson lawsuit; this one involves a former publicist who claims, "Mr. Jackson has elected not to honor the financial obligations of our contractual relationship." She wants $44 million. [TMZ, Reuters]
• Reese Witherspoon is thought to be connected to a man named John Witherspoon, who left Scotland in 1768 and went on to witness the signing of the Declaration of Independence. A BBC series, A History Of Scotland, will tell his story. [Daily Express]
• Guess who's started working out with Tracy Anderson — Gwyneth and Madonna's trainer? Emma Thompson. [Daily Express]
• Are cops in Massachusetts targeting celebs in Massachusetts? What's with all the searches on Tom Brady and Matt Damon? [E!]
• Dr. Phil has fired 15 members of his staff. "It was a bloodbath… People who had worked together for years suddenly were unemployed," says a source. Ouch! Someone call Oprah. [Perez]
• WTF headline of the day: "When Harry Met Tranny." (Daniel Radcliffe had dinner with a drag queen.) [The Sun]
• JJ Abrams says of the original TV series Star Trek: "I remember appreciating it, but feeling like I didn't get it." He was not a Trekkie! "I had no idea there had been 10 movies! I still haven't seen them all." [Guardian]
• Speaking of Trek, Zachary Quinto couldn't do Vulcan fingers while filming and JJ Abrams had to glue his fingers together. [Page Six]
• Director Robert Rodriguez was working on an adaptation of Barbarella — with Rose McGowan playing the Jane Fonda role, naturally — but the project is now dead. No orgasmatron! [MTV]
• Jennifer Aniston, Holly Hunter, Elizabeth Banks, Catherine Hardwicke and cinematographer Petra Korner will be honored at the 2009 Crystal + Lucy Awards, presented by Women in Film. [The Hollywood Reporter]
• Katie Holmes will star in a thriller called Don't Be Afraid of the Dark, scripted by Guillermo del Toro. Xenu knows she could use a hit flick. [Variety]
• Robert De Niro and Edward Norton will star in an indie psychological thriller Stone, about a a correctional officer (De Niro) who is seduced by the wife of a convicted arsonist (Norton) up for parole. [Variety]
• Susan Boyle is now in the top 5 list of most watched viral videos, right under Soulja Boy and something called Achmed the Dead Terrorist. [NY Daily News]
• Megan Fox wants to be like George Clooney: "He's sarcastic, and he has a different girlfriend constantly. It's considered charismatic. He's like this James Bond, sexy dude. The older he gets, the better he gets. It's a double standard. To be outspoken, or different at all, is a problem for women. As soon as you curse or, God forbid, make some sort of sexual reference that's a joke, you're (labelled a party girl). They don't do that with men, so I feel it would be a lot easier." [Mirror]
• This was in Midweek Madness, but here it is again: Sarah Jessica Parker's surrogate is a "tattooed bisexual." The horrors. [The Sun]
• Liz Hurley thinks people look sexier in the country than in the city. Also, she likes to have sex on sheepskin rugs in front of fireplaces. [Daily Mail]
• In 2000, Jemima Khan's plane was hijacked; she says her hair turned white after the incident and she's had to dye it ever since. [Daily Express]
• A new biography reveals that Stephen King "spent most of the Eighties on an extended drug and alcohol binge which so fogged his mind that even today he cannot remember working on many of the books he wrote during that period." [Daily Mail]
• Ryan O'Neal says Farrah Fawcett has "lost her famous hair" from battling cancer. [Daily Express]
• Ryan O'Neal also says: "It's a love story. I just don't know how to play this one. I won't know this world without her." [People]
• Trent Reznor is pissed at Apple, because a Nine Inch Nails iPhone app was rejected for having 'objectionable content." [NY Daily News]
• RIP Stanley Tucci's wife, Kate. [Page Six]
• Olympic silver medalist Sasha Cohen is returning to competitive figure skating. Will we see her in Vancouver for the winter Olympics? [AP]
• Stephanie Tanner Jodie Sweetin is being sued for not paying her Home Owner's Association fees. How rude! [Perez]
• James McAvoy, Elizabeth Banks, Laura Linney and Anna Friel will star in The Details, a flick about a a couple who discover an infestation of raccoons in their back yard. [Variety]
• Rare Marilyn Monroe photographs for sale — on eBay. [UPI]
• Blind item! "Which film director could give Robert Pattinson a run for his money in the odor department? The big-time movie man smelled so badly during a recent shoot that even his actors couldn't stand to be around him!" [Gatecrasher]
• "Would I run for public office? A delegation of Democrats from Ohio asked me if I wanted to run for a Senate seat in 2004, and I said it was a tempting offer, but no. We already had an old actor in national politics, and it didn't work out so well. He shall remain nameless." — Martin Sheen. [Mirror]
• "The rumours aren't true. We aren't moving. So many people come up to me and say 'I hear you're moving.' We love America. We've been very happy here." — Victoria Beckham. [Mirror]
• "I've never changed my name officially. I never have and I never will. In my heart, I am still Ramon. I love the name. I would never give it up." — Martin Sheen. [Mirror]
• "I'd like to see Benson and Stabler get together...but I can't let that happen. Mariska [Hargitay] and I have been a wonderful, solid married couple now for 10 years-we see each other more than our families. It's just nice to get a different dynamic in there every once in a while." — Chris Meloni. [E!]
• "I'm looking for an encyclopaedia and a dictionary. A bit of the Boy Scouts Handbook. A person who is conscientious about the trail he leaves behind him. I'm attracted to intelligence and creativity and passion — and not necessarily the romantic kind. I want to learn from someone who is greedy for information and light and laughter and the whole world." — Renée Zellweger, on what she looks for in a man. [Mirror via Glamour]
• "We know the people whose lives are on the line-those who identify as gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender-will be there. But we need everyone there. Especially straight people." — Charlize Theron, who is encouraging Californians to attend a Meet In The Middle For Equality rally in Fresno. [E!]
• "I'm a big fan of Tyra's! She is sexy. I mean, I don't really get obsessed with anyone, but Tyra is definitely hot." — Idris Elba. [Gatecrasher]
• "I'm not fiddling about with myself. We're in this awful youth-driven thing now where everybody needs to look 30 at 60 . This is the law of diminishing returns. The trick is to age honestly and gracefully and make it look great so that everyone looks forward to it." — Emma Thompson. [Daily Express]

• This report calls Jennifer Aniston "lovelorn" and "notoriously unlucky-in-love" but explains that she has "set her sights" on Gerard Butler, which is "cause for renewed optimism." What does all this really mean? It's simple:

They're going to be in another movie together. [Daily Mail]

• Lindsay Lohan was seen hanging out with Mel B after the Spice Girl's Peepshow revue in Vegas. Also, she maybe exchanged numbers with a GUY. [Daily Mail]
• Jackie Chan told a "business forum" that Chinese people may not need a free society. "I'm not sure if it's good to have freedom or not," Chan said Saturday. "I'm gradually beginning to feel that we Chinese need to be controlled. If we're not being controlled, we'll just do what we want." Pro-democracy peeps are pissed, obvs; one guy says: "He's insulted the Chinese people. Chinese people aren't pets." [MSNBC]
• Kate Hudson turned 30 with a "star-studded" bash on Friday night, but Owen Wilson wasn't there. Who was? Demi Moore, Ashton Kutcher, Justin Timberlake, Matthew McConaughey, Tobey Maguire, Jessica Alba, Gwyneth Paltrow, Gwen Stefani, Eva Mendes, Zach Braff and, of course, Cher. [People]
• The woman who broke into Britney Spears' property says she is not a stalker and the "documentary" she was filming while peeping inside Britney's windows with a camera was "paparazzi work preparation" because she would like to do some "paparazzi gigs." [E!]
• Madonna, who fell from her horse in the Hamptons on Saturday, is blaming the paparazzi for jumping out of the bushes and scaring the horse. Of course, she was thrown from a horse in 2005, so who knows. [Mirror]
• The only paparazzo who took pictures of Madonna riding her horse says her Madgesty is a liar. He says he took pix of Madge riding, then left. Then 30 minutes later he got a tip about an ambulance being sent; so he went back and took pix of her being tended to. He says: "If I had startled the horse, I would have gotten pictures!" [TMZ]
• By the by, Madonna wasn't just "riding" that horse but leaping hurdles. She was at the home of famed photographer Steven Klein and Jesus Luz was there, too. [NY Post]
• Madonna's adoption appeal has been scheduled for May 4, so expect to see her in Malawi then. [People]
• Unsolicited uterus update: Ellen Pompeo is pregnant! [People]
• Mel Gibson asked for a new judge in his divorce case, because he felt that Judge Rafael Ongkeko was "prejudiced against" him, and bingo! He got a new judge. [E!]
• Is Mel Gibson's "mystery girlfriend" Oksana Grigorieva? None of the other Oksanas were the right ones. [People]
• Mel Gibson was seen going to church at his private church in Malbu on Sunday. Then he went for ice cream. This is "news." [People]
• Russell Brand called President Obama's answering machine while on Radio 2, trying to figure out which UK football team Barack supports. [The Sun]
• Victoria Beckham, who has said she "hates working out," has decided to take up Pilates. [Daily Mail]
• May the good Lord bless Kelly Osbourne, who says of her wedding: "Vegas is way too tacky. I'd prefer to get married in London, as I have family and friends here." [Daily Mail]
• Kelly Bensimon is being sued for stealing an idea for a jewelry line from a former Elle Accessories colleague. Hence the headline "Housewife Kelly Bensimon Stole My Owl." [Page Six]
• Kelly Bensimon also says she does not hate Bethenny Frankel: "I don't hate anybody. Why would I? I respect Bethenny as a dynamic go-getter. Its tough being single in New York and working." Plus, Kelly says she'd like to to Dancing With The Stars. [WWD]
• Singing sensation Susan Boyle was obsessed with Donny Osmond as a teen. Also, her brother says: "She doesn't wear make-up or fancy clothes. It's not that she doesn't care, she just doesn't see why other people should care how she looks." [Mirror]
• Did some dude smooch never-been-kissed Susan Boyle? [Mirror]
• Rosie O'Donnell says: "Simon Cowell was genuinely moved when he heard Susan Boyle sing. He showed his humanity, and I actually liked him. It was a moment in time." [People]
• Q: Is Hugh Jackman the only mutant with a nude scene [in Wolverine]? Ryan Reynolds: "It's a prerequisite-you have to show off your mutant berries is what they told us. No. I think Hugh is probably the only nudie. I don't remember taking my pants off. I do have a faulty memory, though." [Newsweek]
• Another day, another story of Prince Harry attending an "illegal rave." [Daily Mail]
• This report claims that Amy Winehouse has been so stimulated and chilled out living in St. Lucia, she plans to write a children's book. [Bilde.de]
• Why does Amy Winehouse have burns on her legs? [The Sun]
• Jamie Foxx says while plating a schizophrenic homeless man in The Soloist, "I was in a bad place because I felt like I might be literally losing my mind." He had panic attacks and bouts of paranoia during filming. [LA Times]
• In an interview with Idris Elba, the Brit actor of The Office, The Wire and new flick Obsessed says of people thinking he is hot: "It's weird because, you know, I've been just the ordinary chap for 30 odd years and suddenly, I'm going into this [situation]: 'Oh my God, all the ladies love you!' And I'm like, 'Huh? Me? It doesn't make any sense!' I didn't grow up like some sort of sex symbol. It does make a gentleman walk with a stride in his step, believe me." [WaPo]
• Kourtney and Khloe Kardashian, the sisters who, according to this story, "aren't famous for having a big ass and a sex tape," are getting their own spin-off TV show on E! [Media Week]
• Jeff Goldblum is joining the cast of Law & Order: Criminal Intent and something tells you he's going to be awesome. [NY Times]
• Peaches Geldof, 20, who edits a magazine and has been a TV personality, plans to record an album. At least she's industrious? [Daily Mail]
• Some great quotes from Whoopi Goldberg in this interview. She says "I don't look like Halle Berry. But chances are, she's going to end up looking like me." And: "An actress can only play a woman. I'm an actor, I can play anything." And: "It's great to see Barack as president, but there's a lot to get done and he really is in the stuff. There's no money and everybody's out of their minds and pissed at America." As for why she is not in the stage version of Sister Act in London? "I am 112, so I was too old. I also don't sing." [Guardian]
• Na, na, na nanana… Paul McCartney played a "Hey Jude" singalong after midnight at Coachella. [Mirror]
• "A Night Out With" Colin Hanks involves playing games like Who Am I? and Connect Four. [NY Times]
• Did you know that Viggo Mortensen speaks fluent Spanish and Danish? Lots of details about him in this interview. [Guardian]
• Here, the Daily Mail apologizes for saying that Will Smith's school was a Scientology school. "We are assured that the academy founded by the actor Will Smith and his wife Jada Pinkett Smith, is secular, with no religious affiliation and welcomes children from all backgrounds." Someone must have threatened to sue! [Daily Mail]
• RuPaul hosts the NewNowNext Awards. which will premiere June 13 on LOGO and LOGOonline — with a performance by Lady GaGa. [LOGO]
• Edie Falco is addicted to the Discovery Health Channel and hospital-based doctor shows. Now she's playing an ER nurse hooked on Vicodin and Adderall in a Showtime dark comedy series called Nurse Jackie, which premieres in June. [NY Daily News]
• Fran Drescher is working on getting a TV talk show, where she can talk about politics, culture, and health issues. Hopefully nothing where we'd have to hear her laugh. [Daily Mail]
• Marianne Faithfull and her "soulmate" have split after 15 years; he went on to slap a British Airways staffer over the weekend. [Daily Mail, The Sun]
• Actress/singer Patsy Kensit married DJ Jeremy Healy over the weekend; her fourth marriage. She's also been hitched to Dan Donovan of Big Audio Dynamite, Jim Kerr of Simple Minds and Liam Gallagher of Oasis. [Daily Mail]
• These "Paul Newman cheated" stories will only make you sad, especially when you find out one woman told him: "You're always drunk and you can't even make love." [The Sun]
• Zac Efron's flick, 17 Again, was number one at the box office, with a respectable $24 million. Fess up: Who saw it? [MSNBC]
• What the world needs now: A Joan Collins makeover show. Too bad it's only in the UK! [The Sun]
• Blind item! "Which young starlet demanded 17 free handbags after forgetting she needed to buy gifts?" [Gatecrasher]
• "Women always want to be what they're not. If you're the pretty girl, you want to be the quirky girl. If you're the smart girl, you want to be the pretty girl." — Jordana Brewster, who wants to be a Bond girl. [Page Six]
• "I'm not going to tell you it's been all smooches and hugs. But it shouldn't be because that would be a bore. If my band didn't have issues, if they didn't throw tantrums, I would think I was with a bunch of suckers. As long as they can handle it, I can handle it. After all we're just delivering music that people love, so how bad can it be? It could be worse. We could be drafted." — Perry Farrell, on the "bitter feuding" happening now that Jane's Addiction has reunited. [Reuters]
• "Probably 10 years from now I'll be able to look at this phase of my life and be able to understand [my character in Cheri's] journey more. But I think for a lot of women 50 is a very particular age. I'm not one that's ever really thought about birthdays, but this was a big one and I was not looking forward to it. But surprisingly it has left me feeling liberated in a strange kind of way. Sort of, the pressure's off. And it's actually quite wonderful. I wasn't expecting that." — Michelle Pfeiffer. [Telegraph]
• "When I was in the theater in Liverpool, we had a café where we'd have lunch. In the evenings it was full of girls, and we were like, 'What the hell is this?' It was the Beatles. Later on, I met up with John [Lennon] at Cannes and we had an evening, getting bombed out of our minds on alcohol. The sixties wasn't drugs, you see. What ended the sixties was drugs." — Michael Caine. [New York Mag]
• "A guy I worked with recently told me, 'You have to earn the right to hold a gun.' And that completely made sense. Can you imagine me running around with a gun in a film? I noticed the second I started that the things you want to be involved with are always just out of reach. Most parts you'd want, people won't really consider you for, because you have to earn that respect. The things people do want you for are usually not things you want to do. At one point, somebody said to me, 'What do you wanna do? A cool crime drama? Do you wanna shoot up heroin? We'll do anything you wanna do…the Musical.'" — Zac Efron. [GQ]
• "Most of those guys on TMZ are idiots. Actually, I wouldn't call them idiots, because that's doing a disservice to idiots all over the world. They're whatever's worse than that. I feel more sorry for them than anything. I don't know if it's being mean, than being utterly moronic. There's a quality of somebody that must have been deeply hurt, to become so immature and to have such an unloved soul that they would choose a profession like that. It's incredible." — Ryan Reynolds. [Newsweek]
• "I feel angry that I even have to say I am atheist. The alternative is so ludicrous to me. I don't want to dignify the idea of religion by saying that. The burden of proof should be on their side, not mine." — Ricky Gervais. [Telegraph]
• "He was supposed to be writing this for me. He could have written me anything and he comes up with this. If that's what he thinks of me, well, then I'm not for him and he's not for me." — Marilyn Monroe on the screenplay Arthur Miller wrote for her. [Daily Express]
• "My sister is the Twitter queen. She told me about the twittering, but I don't get it, I feel like I'm getting really old. I'm like, what? I don't understand. Just call me." — Beyoncé. [Yahoo News via AP]

• Scarlett Johansson blogged about tabloid accusations that she's losing weight in preparation for Iron Man 2. She writes: "If I were to lose 14 pounds, I'd have to part with both arms. And a foot."

• She says that while she is working out to fit into her superhero catsuit, reports that she's crash dieting are untrue. "I'm frustrated with the irresponsibility of tabloid media who sell the public ideas about what we should look like and how we should get there," she writes. "I would be absolutely mortified to discover that some 15-year-old girl in Kansas City read one of these 'articles' and decided she wasn't going to eat for a couple of weeks so she too could 'crash diet' and look like Scarlett Johansson." [The Huffington Post]
• Phil Spector was found guilty today of second-degree murder in his retrial for the death of actress Lana Clarkson. He faces a minimum of 18 years in prison. [Rolling Stone]
• After Easter services, Mel Gibson confirmed to a fellow parishioner that his wife of 28 years, Robyn Gibson has filed for divorce. Sources say they've actually been separated for the past three years. She is seeking joint custody of their 9-year-old son. [People]
• Mel Gibson has filed his response, and it only took a matter of hours. In documents available at the link, he says he and Robyn separated less than a month after his DUI arrest. He says the reason for divorce is "irreconcilable differences." [TMZ]
• Madonna emailed The Nation, a Malawian newspaper and said: "I want to provide Mercy with a home, a loving family environment and the best education and health care possible ... It's my hope that she, like David, will one day return to Malawi and help the people of their country." [CNN]
• Madonna has also released this photo of her cradling a sleeping Mercy in her arms. [The Daily Mail]
• Someone broke into Tila Tequila's house this morning and posted on her Twitter: "I just broke into her house, killed her and her dog. Logged onto Twitter to tell you guys. She was signed on already. Tila Tequila is dead." The real Tila then wrote that she's OK, but someone broke in, locked her dog in her trunk, and posted on her Twitter. [MSNBC, ONTD]
• Jon Eardley, the lawyer tried to free Britney Spears from her conservatorship, supposedly at her request, has asked a judge to require Brit to take time out of her Circus tour to testify in court. The conservatorship is currently trying to file a restraining order against Eardley. [E!]
• Lindsay Lohan's new post-breakup tattoo ion her inner wrist is of a quote from Marilyn Monroe. It says: "Everyone's a star and deserves the right to twinkle," and is surrounded by stars.[People]
• Miley Cyrus went to lunch with her ex-boyfriend Nick Jonas and her current boyfriend Justin Gaston was nowhere to be found. [TMZ]
• Simon Cowell may leave American Idol when his contract runs out next year because he can't handle filming the show, as well as two reality shows in Britain. "I don't want to come over as whiney because I am very grateful that I have got these jobs," he said. "But there is a point where I am not sure we can keep this schedule up." [Access Hollywood]
• Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon were photographed leaving an IVF clinic in San Diego. [Perez Hilton]
• Artist Mark McGowan is putting on a show in which he'll reenacting the final hours of Jade Goody's life. [The Mirror]
• Here's video of Paul Rudd singing and dancing on Sesame Street while wearing a giant planet Earth costume. [Video Gum]
• Lo Bosworth says even though Lauren Conrad has left The Hills she thinks Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag could carry the show themselves. She adds: "[Lauren] hasn't filmed in weeks and she's really excited about that… I think she'll come back for special occasions and stuff, but we just don't know how many episodes she'll return for or if there will be another season. It's really just all up in the air." [Perez Hilton]
• Watch this preview clip of Spencer from tonight's episode and decide for yourself. [People]
• And here's another clip featuring Heidi telling Spencer that they need couple's therapy. [Perez Hilton]
• Lauren Conrad is going to guest star on Family Guy. The episode will air on May 3 and she will date Brian. [People]
• Mark Wahlberg and James Franco have joined the cast of the Tina Fey-Steve Carell film Date Night. [Variety]
• A New Moon insider says, "I hear that Kristen [Stewart] and Rob [Pattinson]'s 'teams' are having an emergency meeting," which apparently means that they are dating. [E!]
• Top Chef's Padma Lakshmi posed naked in Allure and exposed a scar on her arm that she got when she was 14. "I love it because it makes me a person who has an interesting past, and it reminds me that I can survive any pain," she says. [People]
• Jason Priestley and his wife Naomi Lowde are expecting their second child. [Us]
• Ralph Fiennes will star in "The Men at the Pru, which is co-written and co-directed by Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant. [UPI]
• "I feel like a tranny a lot of the time ... I don't know, I'm ... large? They put me in six-inch heels, and I tower over every man. I've got this long hair and lots of clothes and makeup on. I just feel really big a lot of the time, and I'm surrounded by a lot of tiny people. I feel like a man sometimes." - Blake Lively. [ONTD]
• Drew Barrymore says it took four to six hours to apply the aging makeup to play Little Edie Beale in Grey Gardens. Drew said: "My face suffered as a result. We ended up with skin issues I'd never had before because I developed an allergy to chemicals in isopropyl, the alcohol used in removing cosmetics. A constancy of prosthetics also created a sensitivity to adhesives, and our makeup people had to find alternatives." [The Daily Express]
• The executor of Dee Dee Ramone's estate has gone to court to stop publication of the book Poisoned Heart: I Married Dee Dee Ramone by the late bassist's first wife. [AP]
• Elisabeth Hasselbeck has written book on eating gleuten free called The G Free Diet. She says: "My grandmother was giving me her meatball-and-sauce recipe ... When she got to the part about adding breadcrumbs, she looked up at me and said, 'Elisabeth, you can add whatever you want here.' I thought, if my Italian grandmother can understand being G-free, anyone can." [People]
• Annie Lennox had surgery to surgery to release a trapped nerve in her back six months ago and says she may never be able to perform again. "When I had the surgery, I didn't even know if I would be able to walk again properly. My foot is still not right — it is kind of permanently numb. And it is a strange thing to live with, really," said Lennox. "I have been doing physical therapy and I still don't know if it will ever be back to normal again. ... I don't think I could do a normal concert any more at this point in time." [UPI]
• Kanye West was a good sport about the South Park episode mocking him at first, but the joke may be getting old. He blogged: "SOUTH PARK pt. 3 I WAS AT CHEESECAKE FACTORY YESTERDAY AND THE MANAGER BROUGHT ME A PLATE OF FISH STICKS... (in a sarcastic tone) uuuuuuum, GREAT! : /" [The Atlantic]

• Scientists have come a little bit closer to solving the mystery of what gets sperm in the mood for fertilization. • Aw: a Girl Scout troop from St. Louis decided to use its earnings from the cookies sales to fund a care package for Gene McNeill, a soldier currently serving in Afghanistan. •  President Obama has officially recognized April as Sexual Assault Awareness Month. •  The number of women over 55 who use Facebook has grown roughly 550% in the past six months, making the group one of the quickest growing sectors of the Facebook population. •  A member of the Egyptian parliament has proposed a law that would allow television stations to broadcast the hanging of rapists. Many people are against the law, on the grounds that it would encourage the public to sympathize with the rapists, and possibly lead to more girls marrying their attackers in order to save them from public death. •  On a slightly more positive note, April 18th has been declared the first anti-harassment day in Egypt. • A 30-second ad for Girls Gone Wild interrupted an early broadcast of the Good Friday service at the Vatican on a Philadelphia cable network. The network blamed it on (what else?) a "glitch." • According to this article from the Wall Street Journal there is a war happening, a diaper war. • Two female workers are filing a lawsuit against NYC's Department of Environmental Protection. They claim that the department is rife with sexism, and that over the years they have "grown numb" from finding pornography on their trucks and being called "bitches" and "dykes." •  This fancy feline is being hailed as the UK's only vegetarian cat. Like the most difficult dinner guests, Dante will only eat organic fruits and vegetables. •  Just in case you've been dying to know all about Scott Peterson's life on death row, People has published a helpful guide to the murderer's daily life. • Scientists believe that postpartum depression may serve an evolutionary function. •  A Brazilian woman was refused entry to the UK after border officials discovered that her suitcase was full of lingerie. Officials suspect that she is involved in the sex industry. •  Even though no one asked them, PETA has faxed Michelle Obama's office a letter that urges the first family to "snip" their new dog. • More for the "unsolicited advice" file: Dog Whisperer Cesar Millan advises Obama to keep his "pack leader" frame of mind when playing with the puppy. • Via BoingBoing, the strange case of a man who has "alien hand syndrome" and has been know to engage in involuntary public masturbation. •  A Mississippi State University professor asked his students to submit beautiful and ugly words. He found that words with more syllables are more likely to be considered beautiful (like "eloquent"). • Reversing their previous decision, prosecutors have decided to seek the death penalty for Casey Anthony, mother to murdered toddler Caylee Anthony, whose body was found late last year.

• "I was quoted saying I was a virgin, but I absolutely did not say that. That's nobody's business but my own," the Duffster tells Maxim in the most recent issue. Let's go to the wayback machine and see what she said to Elle: "It's harder having a boyfriend who's older because people just assume. But [virginity] is definitely something I like about myself. It doesn't mean I haven't thought about sex, because everyone I know has had it and you want to fit in. But when they talk about it, it doesn't sound special, like you would imagine it to be. It just seems like everybody has slept with each other – you know what I mean?" Oh yes, we know exactly what you mean, Hils: you wanted to appeal to tweens back then, and now you're trying to have a broader audience. It's loud and clear! [NYDN]
• Madonna is contradicting longtime publicist Liz Rosenberg, who on Monday announced that Guy Ritchie will get between $76-92 million as part of the couple's divorce settlement. Madonna and Guy released a joint statement saying that Rosenberg's declaration was "misleading and inaccurate." What's more, "We have tried to maintain a dignified silence regarding the details of our divorce for the last few months whilst accepting the obvious media interest…The financial details of the settlement will remain private, save to say that both of us are happy with our agreement. Our primary concern, like any co-parents, is the care and well being of our children." Whilst! The plot thickens!! [Reuters]
• Not all of the gay community is excited about Sean Penn's portrayal of activist Harvey Milk in Milk. Advocate writer James Kirchick is pissed because Penn was palling around with notorious gay-rights abuser Venezuelan dictator Hugo Chávez as well as Raul Castro. Human Rights Foundation President Thor Halvorssen tells The Advocate, "That Sean Penn would be honored by anyone, let alone the gay community, for having stood by a dictator who put gays into concentration camps is mind-boggling."[Page Six]
• Earlier this year, Clay Aiken's bff, music producer Jaymes Foster, had a baby after being artificially inseminated with Clay's lil' dudes. Word is that they were both so thrilled with the results that Foster is going to go through another round of IVF in the hopes of having another Claybie. [Perez]
• Blind Item! "Which still-sexy actress, who has a daughter now getting ingenue roles, is facing reality? She finally had her first face-lift last week." We are guessing her name rhymes with Moosan Morandan. [Page Six]
• Does Anthony Kiedis have kidney trouble? The former heroin addict allegedly was sick enough to discuss going on a transplant list for a new kidney, but has since been on the mend.[Sun]
• Fergie (the Duchess, not the Pea) had her laptop stolen, along with intimate digital photos of her family. In addition! Poor Princess Beatrice's Norfolk Terrier, Max ran off during a walk last week in Windsor Great Park , and she's apparently "desperately upset." London Jezebels get on the case! [Daily Mail]
• "We discussed—for about a second—the idea of Tom’s having a German accent. I remember that conversation very clearly. I was in the sitting room of his house, and I basically just said, 'I don’t want to do that. You don’t want to be listening to that.'" —Valkyrie director Bryan Singer on Tom Cruise's performance. [GQ]
• Wowza: the iconic Bert Stern photos of Marilyn Monroe, taken in 1962 right before her death, sold at Christie's for $146,500. [AP]
• Singer Duffy will be the new face of Diet Coke. Says the Sun, "They want to move away from typical Diet Coke ads with stick-thin models and chiselled hunks." Does that sound sort of like a backhanded compliment? [Sun]
• Gossip Girl star Kelly Rutherford is still nursing her 2-year-old son Hermés. "It's an amazing bond with your child," she says, before adding, "I was thinner after my pregnancy than before, and I think a lot of it was the nursing." [Page Six]
• Will Actor's Guild negotiations tear Hollywood apart? Page Six is reporting that negotiations were tense on Monday night, with Jack Nicholson, Meryl Streep and Warren Beatty in favor of a strike, and Alec Baldwin, Tom Hanks, George Clooney, Charlize Theron, Helen Mirren and Kevin Spacey against it. [Page Six]
• Harrison Ford has signed on to play a morning show personality in the film Morning Glory, and our beloved Rachel McAdams is in talks to costar. According to the Hollywood Reporter, "Aline Brosh McKenna ("The Devil Wears Prada") wrote the script about a grizzled old-school anchor in the Ted Koppel mold (Ford) who quits in disgust with the gossip-heavy direction of the evening newscast. He is then recruited by a hot up-and-coming producer (McAdams) to help revive a morning talk show, only to be paired with his rival." [HR]
• "She was drunk! I don’t know if she was drunk when they actually got married, but the night before she was. She just needed that little push — the Patron push.”— Lo Bosworth on the Speidi nuptials. [People ]
• Oprah's taking her production company from ABC to HBO in order to start making more feature films, documentaries and TV series. [AP]
• Is Lisa Rinna going to pose for Playboy? Sources say: probs.The daytime diva has also been pitching a reality show to cable networks with husband Harry Hamlin tentatively called I Love Lisa. [Extra, MSNBC]
• Macaulay, Keiran and Rory Culkin have all taken time off their acting projects to mourn the sudden death of their sister, Dakota. As noted last week, Dakota was hit by a car in Los Angeles while crossing the street. "They're heartbroken. That I can tell you. They're just absolutely heartbroken," says the Culkin boys' manager. [UPI]
• Diddy hosted a birthday party for his ex and baby mama Kim Porter at Murano restaurant in West Hollywood. "The evening's specialty drink, the K.P. Martini, featured a Ciroc vodka lemon drop with a brown-sugar rim," E! reports. Oooh fancy. [E! Online]
• The Brangelina clan is parking in France for the time being. "I've been dragging them all from continent to continent lately, so we're going to have to give them a break soon. For the long term, right now, we're choosing France. It's good living there, a really nice way of life. It's a place where the kids can run free and not be hassled – we have a good relationship with the locals, and it's a good base for the family," Brad says. [Perez]
• Click here for an online preview of Flight of the Conchords season two premiere! Squee! [Funny or Die]
• If you have a crush on any member of Coldplay check out these behind the scenes shots of Chris Martin and the crew. [Rolling Stone]

The receipts, which date from May of 1962, come from two markets near the star's New York apartment. Groceries listed include "artichokes, eggs, English muffins, cucumber, radishes, strawberry jam, cheddar cheese, corn-on-the-cob, strawberries, endive, steaks, milk, lamb chops and chicken."

In other words, a totally normal week's grocery list. Or is it? Says one analyst to the Telegraph, in a piece titled "Secrets of Marilyn Monroe's Hourglass Figure Revealed In Receipts,"

One substantial delivery was made two days before her big event of singing Happy Birthday to JFK. It's interesting to speculate why Monroe was buying so much food at this time, especially when she knew she had to be sewn into the gown she'd be wearing. Perhaps she was entertaining or maybe she just kept a well-stocked kitchen.

Adds a "nutrition expert," :"The deliveries show a diet of salads, fruit and meat, indicating plenty of protein, which is good. But she obviously allowed a few treats for herself, such as the English muffins and jam." Treats, eh?!

It should be pretty obvious from this that these receipts reveal absolutely nothing about a woman who's been given less posthumous peace than almost anyone in the history of the world, save that she ate a normal diet. In fact, it's probably the least humiliating shopping list we can conceive of! Any list of ours would be so much more damning — because hey, sometimes you're just craving Fruit Roll-Ups! And occasionally it's good to have Redi-Whip in the fridge! (And that baby food? Totally for my boyfriend.) It becomes clear, when you see this kind of thing, why people of prior centuries directed executors to burn all their personal effects, lest they fall prey to intrusive misinterpretation. But at the same time, when you think how people salivate over the smallest crumb of information — I mean, a grocery receipt! — and how little they actually glean, and how totally off these experts' guesses really are... well, maybe Marilyn's having the last laugh after all.

Secrets Of Marilyn Monroe's Hourglass Figure Revealed In Receipts [Telegraph]

Few and far between, it seems. Check these out:

St. Pauli Girl beer features a buxom bar maid on the label. Actually, looking at this visual "history" of the model, she's changed a lot. In 1982, she wasn't so busty; in 1989 she was (gasp!) brunette; in 2004 her apron disappeared, her top shrank and her skirt became alarmingly short. Progress!


Frida Kahlo tequila, launched in 2005, features the famed painter's visage on its bottles. Frida's niece, Isolda P. Kahlo, is involved with the brand. Unfortunately, art critic and author Raquel Tibol, who befriended Kahlo at the end of the artist’s life, is outraged, saying, "This is a dirty shame!" Blogger and artist Mark Vallens writes: "The idea of the artist’s alcoholism being somehow romantic could not be further from the truth. It was not a sense of romanticism that led Kahlo to drink a bottle of tequila a day, but the debilitating pain she endured from the accident suffered in her youth."

The labels on a Belgian beer called Rubbel Sexy Lager picture women wearing swimsuits, but the swimsuits can be scratched off, leaving naked models behind. Classy! This brew was pulled from shelves in the UK last year.

Sofia sparkling wine is manufactured by Francis Ford Coppola's winery, and named after his director daughter. Each can comes with a little bitty straw, because chicks like their booze to be cute! (Disclaimer: I've imbibed quite a few Sofias in my day and actually think mini champagne is a good idea.)




Inspired by the Hollywood icon, Marilyn wine exists, but, as Sadie says, "I wouldn't drink it."

Sailor Jerry rum is named after a man (the legendary tattoo artist) but has a pin-up girl on the bottle, does that count?

Damiana herbal-based liqueur from Mexico comes in a bottle shaped like an Incan goddess. Except, uh, the Incans were from Peru, right? So she should be Mayan, or Aztec? Well the website lists an address in Texas, so maybe someone is confused.


Batuque cachaça from Brazil is made from sugar cane and aged in mahogany barrels. The bottle is shaped like a woman wearing a Brazilian bikini (read: thong.) I had it in a caipirinha once, and never got around to figuring out why the poor woman has an awesome booty but no head. (Here's another view of her physique.)

Veuve Clicquot was, at some point, run by Madame Clicquot, hence the term "grande dame." If you look at her portrait you'll see Madame was pretty serious about her booze.

Did I miss any? Let me know.

The Men Behind Your Favorite Liquors [Mental Floss]
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