*Inspired by Shirley MacLaine's assertion that the best parts for actresses fall into one of the above categories

Kate Hudson in Big Eyes: Hudson plays Margaret Keane, the artist that did all those creepy paintings of women with giant peepers. According to Variety: "The drama covers Keane's personal awakening at the onset of the feminist movement, leading to a lawsuit she filed against her husband, Walter, who claimed credit for her works." Verdict: initially a victim, she eventually triumphs over adversity. Sounds like this one is: ok!

Brittany Murphy in Across the Hall and possibly Poor Things: Across the Hall seems to be based on a short horror film of the same name starring Adrien Grenier, which focuses on a man, his fiancée (Murphy's character) and the man's best friend. Murphy's betrothed claims she's having an affair and brings his bff to come spy on her at a seedy motel. Unclear what happens next (it would likely be a spoiler) but with this limited information it seems like Murphy plays the victim. I imagine that motel room will be caked with her brains at some point before the end of the full length film. Poor Things was originally a Lohan vehicle, but Linds had to pull out because of that whole rehab thingy. Murphy is being considered for the Lohan role — as a female con artist who befriends homeless men and then murders them so the she and her partner can collect the insurance money. The character sounds morally crappy, but is neither hooker, nor victim, nor doormat. Verdict: ok!

Robin Wright Penn, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Monica Bellucci, Winona Ryder, Julianne Moore, all in Pippa Lee: Penn plays a 50-something woman on the verge of a nervous breakdown because her husband leaves her for a young chippy — played by Winona Ryder. Bellucci plays the first wife, Gyllenhaal plays Penn's pill-addled mother in flashbacks, and Julianne Moore plays a lesbian novelist (not really sure how she fits into the plot, but I like the sound of it). Verdict: Robin Wright-Penn — victim/doormat; Winona Ryder — hooker; Monica Bellucci — not enough info to go on, so we're gonna say ok; Maggie Gyllenhaal: victim of own neurosis/pill popping; Moore: ok!

Heather Locklear in Flirting With 40: In this holiday-themed Lifetime made-for-tv movie, Locklear plays a 40-year-old divorcee who meets a much younger man on vacation, and, according to Reuters, "learns that life can begin at 40." Apparently Lifetime execs learned that they can lift an entire plot from How Stella Got Her Groove Back with no apparent repercussions! Though it must be said that Heather Locklear is no Angela Bassett, not by a mile. Verdict: ugh, total victim! If she thought her life was over at 40 she's a damn fool.

WGA Announces Member Meetings For Saturday [Deadline Hollywood Daily]
Kate Hudson To Star In 'Big Eyes' [Variety]
Murphy Enters "Hall"; Eyed For Lohan Role In "Poor" [Reuters]
Four More Booked For 'Pippa Lee' [Hollywood Reporter]
Locklear "Flirting" With Lifetime [Reuters]

The Drawing Itself:
The Critique (Still Lifes):

In this work Paris Hilton's fragile linework demands a new genre. Poignant and unintentionally surreal, heavily-laden with encoded symbology, the image crawls across the page, a dislocated cry of despair. Her careful rendering of details important to her as in the phone, the TV, and the labels on her shapeless outfit is reminiscent of the great naive painter Grandma Moses.

Grandma Moses, "Beautiful World," 1948

In Hilton's hands, the large Japanese cartoon manga eyes all modern children draw brings the names of famous sentimentalist painters Walter and Margaret Keane to mind.

Margaret Keane, "Keiki Lisa," 2004

I was mildly impressed by her attempt at David Hockney-esque perspective.

David Hockney, "Man Taking a Shower in Beverly Hills," 1964

The payment of her debt to society is symbolized by her rushed credit card signature; her mutilated heart evolves into angry checks over the i's. Still, she retains her light and airy personal style in the face of weeks of traumatic inconvenience. In summary, her work is post-modernist-ish insider/outsider Art.

Paris — Totally Sketched Out [TMZ]
Earlier: Expert: Paris Hilton Handwriting Conclusive Proof She Is A Retard Paris Hilton: The Mona Lisa Of Our Generation
Related: Paris Hilton, Free To Speak Her Mind (Such As It Is) [Washington Post]